Narisa 1
By C. Stanton
Leman
Chapter 2
A few hours
later, my parents returned home from work. Sharif and Amir seemed to sense that
something wasn’t right so they excused themselves for the evening to give us
some privacy. Both of my parents saw my quiet and sullen state and we sat down
at the kitchen table to talk about it.
“What’s
wrong, Josh?” Mom asked concerned, “You seem upset? What happened today? Is there anything you want to talk about?”
“I saw the
morality police in action today. A girl about sixteen was almost snatched in
plain sight.”
“What
happened?” Dad asked. “You or Hasan weren’t involved were you?”
“No, Dad,” I
confirmed. “We were just observers.”
I went on to
explain the whole scenario and what had eventually happened with the girl being
returned to her brother. I explained to them that what troubled me the most was
the terror in that girl’s eyes and in her voice when she probably thought that
her life was in jeopardy thinking that she’d be jailed, raped or possibly
executed because her brother was talking with his friends.
I told them
that it all seems so different and terrifying to actually see something like
this happen right in front of my own eyes. In America, the only analogy I could
equate to this kind of terror was an armed mugging, a carjacking or even a
crazed student gunman terrorizing students in school.
Whenever we
read of such events in the paper, on the Internet or saw them on CNN, we’d just
shake our heads in sympathy and feel some sort of removed empathy that such
things shouldn’t happen in the world.
My young life
so far, has been good and I’ve never known violence of that magnitude (even the
psychological kind). I almost pleadingly asked my parents, “How do I get past
this? How can I deal with this and continue to stay here and not let it cripple
me with fear?”
Dad exhaled a
sigh as if to collect his thoughts and then began:
“Look Josh,
everyone the world over lives and deals with a certain amount of fear of
different types. As you said, a crazy student could come into your school and
wreak death and destruction in the blink of an eye. You could be robbed at
gunpoint or be in a store during an armed robbery. All these things are a real
possibility in your world back home.
“There are
other, more foreign and unforeseen possibilities here or in other countries. No
matter where they live, people have to rise above that fear and continue to
live their lives despite that fear. Living in fear isn’t living, it’s
only existing. Going through life paralyzed by fear and waiting for something
terrible to happen prevents a person from even trying to live and strive for
their dreams. It’s easy to give up and die, but it takes real courage to face
adversity and injustice and live your life despite it all.”
Mom gently laid
her hand on mine and said, “Yes, there are some kids here, mostly girls, who
probably may have given up trying to achieve their dreams, resigned to the fact
that they may never find happiness. On the other hand, there are scores of boys
and girls who quell their fears and strive to have a happy life, finish school
and have a career or family: like Hasan, Sharif or Amir. If people the world
over shrivel up and die in fear, then those who rule by fear have won. This is
what terrorists strive for: fear is their greatest weapon. That girl’s brother
stood up to that man despite the fear that he could have been arrested and
prosecuted because he believed that bowing to that fear could cost his sister’s
freedom or her life.”
Mom sat back
in her chair and rubbed her forehead for a moment then continued, “I know it’s
very painful for you right now to be struggling with this issue but I’m very
proud of you, Son. Your struggle with today’s events tells us that you care.
You not only care about what happens to yourself, but that you also care about
the rights and dignity of others that you don’t even know. Life is precious to
you and the pain you feel is in direct proportion to the depth of your love for
your fellow man. It’s a very frightening thing to come face-to-face with
possible life and death situations, but you may encounter many more in your
lifetime. You could witness someone hurt on the street either in a car accident
or possibly a shooting and sometimes these situations may not be so apparently
dangerous such as a girl getting quietly sequestered in a bedroom and raped at
a teenage party simply because she’s drunk and can’t defend herself. There are
different types of events that hold different kinds of terror”
“Your
confidence has been shaken, Josh,” Dad said, “because you somehow felt that you
that maybe you could or should have done something. But it wasn’t your place do
anything: it was her brother’s place to do it and he did. It’s that feeling of
helplessness that is so disturbing. It’s okay to be a little scared at times.
Just temper that fear with reason and understand that a certain amount of fear
is a healthy thing because it keeps you from doing anything careless. Most of
us are never faced with the ultimate choice of what we’d do if someone’s life
were in danger. When our time comes would we lay down our life for our
brother?
“That’s a
question I hope you’ll never have to answer. Usually only soldiers have to face
that moment, but we read and hear about such miracles as these every day: a
mother for her child, a sibling for a sibling or an innocent bystander for
someone they don’t even know like an everyday citizen, policeman or firemen. In
all these cases, I’ve surmised these people don’t know or really think about
what to do, they just felt in their hearts what’s right and reacted on
instinct.”
“I guess
you’re right.” I said contemplatively. “I guess the hard part now is resolving
it in my mind and moving on even though some things are all the more real and
frightening.”
Dad sat back,
nodded and said, “At least now you can move forward with your eyes more open to
the world around you. I know being a teenager sucks at times, but growing up
and becoming an adult during times like these sucks even more.”
“Don’t I know
it,” I shot back.
“Well,” Mom
said as she stood, “I think we’ve given you as much advice as we can for now on
the subject. Are there other questions on your mind? Will you be all right?”
“No Mom, I’ll
be okay,” I answered, “I guess it’s all up to me now.”
Mom removed
her hajib and started to prepare dinner as I went to my room to contemplate my
next move. I couldn’t get myself out of this funk as my thoughts replayed over
and over in my mind liked a looped video sequence. I then just resolved and
told myself that mulling over the same obsessive thinking was getting me
nowhere. How would I now handle Hasan’s and my girl-watching from now on, or
the trash talk with my new male friends? All I could think of to do was just to
take it as it comes and play it by ear. Mom had reassured me that she thought
my instincts were good: that should be a good place to start.
Dinner was
understandably quiet but somewhat more relaxed as my parents shared their work
on the stone tablet and trying to release its centuries-old secrets. After
dinner, I took a hot shower and went to bed although sleep came fretfully slow.
The next
morning after breakfast, Hasan and I hooked up as usual for our day out. He
asked me what I wanted to do and I said that I’d like to talk a bit about some
things and he said okay.
We went to
our knee wall and sat in silence as Hasan waiting for me to start, “Hasan?”
“Yes Josh?”
“Why do both
Mom and Dad have to have their own guides? They’re both working at the
university, right?”
“Well,” he
began, “sometimes they’re in the same room, but at others, they may separately
go somewhere else by themselves say, to the library. Whether they’re in one
room or someplace else, Americans can never be left alone: even in a room. Your
apartment is different because it’s considered your home. The government is
just paranoid that they’ll see or take something that they’re not supposed to.
It’s stupid I know, but those are the rules.”
“Why are you
being so open with me?” I asked puzzled, “I mean you could get into loads of
trouble for doing and saying some of the things we’ve done.”
“You could be
hit by a car while crossing the street,” he said as he looked at me, “that
doesn’t mean you stop crossing streets, does it?
“Look Josh,”
he began to explain, “what happened yesterday really scared you. It scares us
too every time we see it. We’ve got two choices: either roll over and take it
and let them win or we can rebel. Granted, the way we rebel may seem small, but
boys and girls looking at each other and communicating even in small, subtle ways
and pushing the limits gives us hope. Hope of a somewhat normal life and it
also gives us a measure of pride knowing we’re beating them at their own game.
Like teenagers the world over, it’s our God-given duty to question authority,
to push the boundaries to effect change and to see what we can get away with.
Do you think you’re more scared than we are? Ha! We’ve got to live this way our
entire lives; you get to go back to your open society in eight weeks.”
I gave a
small humph and nodded in agreement as I felt the truth in his words.
“We just grow
up faster here,” Hasan explained, “because we have to and the stakes are
higher. The real problem is like yesterday. Sometimes a momentary slip of one’s
guard is usually why kids get in trouble. Not because they’re rebelling or
intentionally breaking the rules. Life is a spontaneous thing but sometimes
being spontaneous is what gets you in trouble. You always have to keep your
wits about you.”
“Come on,” he
said as he slapped my arm, “Let’s go rebel and look at some babes.”
“Hell,” I
replied with a smile, “I may even ask Doe Eye’s father for her hand.”
With a smirk
he cocked his head and said, “I wouldn’t rebel that much!”
We both
laughed as we headed off for the town square. And so things went for the next
week: girl watching in the morning and football during the day. Even though my
new buds didn’t want to admit it, they told me that my skills had greatly
improved: and they had. Things again seemed to return to a semblance of
normalcy.
_____________________
On the Sunday
afternoon a week after that dreaded incident with the morality police, our
three guides, my parents and I were taking a walk. Mom and Dad wanted to see
where Hasan had been taking me these past three weeks.
As we neared
the park where Hasan and I had spent our days playing football, we passed the
row of houses on the opposite side of the street from where that group of
police usually congregated to talk. I nodded to the men gathered in discussion
and pointed out to Mom that they were members of the morality police. I then
pointed to a teen dribbling a soccer ball and pointed out my friend Rafi to my
parents as I shouted and waved saying “Hi!”
As Rafi
looked and waved back, Hasan was explaining who the boy was when we turned in
response to some commotion and the shrill sound of a girl screaming. We slowed
our pace to a halt as we watched the events begin to unfold…
A middle-aged
man in black traditional dress and wearing a black turban was dragging a very
young girl who looked to be about nine or ten down the side of the road towards
his group of six comrades. I couldn’t really get a good look at her because she
was constantly struggling and the man’s movements seemed to always shield the
girl from view. That plus the fact that with traditional Muslim dress, one
can’t make out any distinct physical features on a girl such as build. At
first, we just thought it was an angry parent dragging his disobedient child
home to be punished.
I surmised
she was very young only because she looked so small: maybe only about four and
a half feet tall or so. The man had no trouble at all, despite the girl’s
struggles to drag her down the street. While watching this scene unfold, Hasan
pointed at Rafi, who had abandoned the soccer ball and was now running full
tilt towards the commotion. Hasan exclaimed as he pointed, “Look! Rafi is
running directly towards those men. I bet that’s his sister they’ve grabbed!”
I started to
ease my way towards the edge of the road and Hasan grabbed my arm to silently
indicate that I stay on this side of the street. By now, the group of men had
the girl surrounded and appeared to be shouting taunts at her angrily as they
slapped the crying little girl.
We stood
watching in shock, Mom with her hands alternating between covering her mouth
and her face crying openly while the males in our group stood with clinched
jaws and fists.
Rafi reached
the group and one of the men turned and flung him to the ground. One of the
group’s sympathizers stepped back and stood guard over the boy pushing him back
to the ground as he tried repeatedly to stand.
As the circle
of men widened, we could see one of the men had the small girl held from behind
with his left arm locking the girl’s arms behind her back while another stood
in front of her. We then saw the girl’s hajib being yanked from her head and
her waist-length black hair came free whipping back and forth as she struggled
to get free. She let out a blood-curdling scream when we saw her abaya being
ripped open as the buttons were torn free. The man holding her from behind
grabbed the girl’s abaya by the collar and began to yank it down her arms and
off her body shifting his hold on her arms such that he never lost hold of her.
We witnessed
the girl’s abaya being flung into the street leaving her standing restrained
while still being held from behind in only her panties, socks and tennis shoes.
The man holding her arms then reached down and ripped her panties off in one,
forceful ripping motion. He then dropped her tattered panties to the ground,
let the sobbing child go and stepped back to the edge of the circle. Through
the fleeting glimpses between the men, I could see and hear the slender young
girl with her back to us sobbing and pleading in Farsi “Repentance!
Repentance!” as she hunched over with her left hand in-between her legs
covering her groin and her right arm across her chest.
(AUTHOR’S
NOTE: Whenever someone is accused of a crime and begs for repentance, under
Islamic law, the accused should be allowed to honestly and fervently repent and
be granted a stay and the right to appeal.)
I happened to
catch a glimpse of Rafi out of my peripheral vision running back down the
street towards his house. By now, a crowd was beginning to gather, women crying
and men shouting at the assailants as we watched in horror as several of the
men picked up some rocks from the ground. I began to strain against Hasan’s
grip on my arm as I saw the first stone being thrown, hitting the tiny girl
right above her left hip ¾ possibly in the kidney. She reflexively
turned and leaned in reaction to the blow and another stone struck the child on
the forehead, above her left eye.
I couldn’t
stand by any longer and witness what I believed was going to be a cold-blooded
and humiliating murder. I twisted sideways, jerked and broke free of Hasan’s
grasp and bolted across the street towards the circle of executioners. I could
hear my mother wail out a terrifying “Josh noooooo!”
I think
they followed me but wasn’t sure because I was fast approaching the circle and
could see the slender little girl was now prostrate on the ground as she was
pelted with rocks, some the size of a hardball. She was lying on her stomach
with her head turned to the side and I could see the blood from the gash on her
forehead had pretty much covered her face. I lowered my shoulder and plowed
right through the circle of assailants and dove on top of the young girl
covering her body with mine with the top of her head tucked under my chin.
I felt the
first stone hit me in my right shoulder and winced in agony at the blow. The
men then moved forward and began trying to kick the girl underneath me and I
tried to shift my body from side-to-side to take the blows.
The men then
proceeded to vent their rage at me and began kicking me in both sides and ribs.
All of a sudden, someone kicked me directly in the face and my eyes started to
roll back in my head as a flash of white blinded my vision. All I could think
about was to hang on — don’t pass out, if I pass out, she dies.
As a result
of the blow to the face, I’d bitten the inside of my cheek and my mouth had
filled with blood and saliva. I spat out the blood that filled my mouth only to
be able to breathe but they must have taken it as a sign of defiance and
proceeded to pummel me with kicks and stomps from all directions at once.
The little
girl beneath me was grunting from my weight on top of her and from the force of
the blows I was receiving. I held both of her tiny shoulders in my hands to
keep myself positioned on top of her and to protect her as much as possible
even though some of the kicks were landing on her sides.
There were
just too many of them to fight and completely shield the girl from and I had a
sinking, fleeting thought of despair that she might die despite my attempt to save
her.
I could hear
a siren over the crowd and after what seemed like an eternity of blows, then a
gunshot. The blows stopped and then silence: a deafening and calm silence.
After a few moments of silence, the rants and raves of the men above me began
again as I caught sight of a uniformed policeman out of the corner of my eye
pushing through our crowd of tormentors. Still being in defensive mode, when
the policeman tersely yelled something in Farsi, I didn’t understand or
respond. He gave me one swift, sharp blow to the ribs with a nightstick and
pulled me off of the girl onto the ground next to her on my back looking up.
He grabbed my
shirt at the shoulder, turned and pulled me to my knees into a kneeling
position and pushed my head down towards my knees. I could see another officer
drape the girl’s abaya over her body and instruct her sharply in Farsi. She
responded by slowly fumbling and pulling her arms through the garment while she
lay on her stomach. The policeman behind me pulled my hands behind my back and
cuffed me, ratcheting the cuffs so tight they dug into my wrists.
Once the girl
had the torn garment on, they pulled her to her knees and handcuffed her with
her hands in front of her so she could hold the garment closed.
Nazir, Rafi’s
father was now on the scene and was shouting and screaming at the officers and
assailants. The officer in charge repeatedly shook his head no in response to
Nazir’s orders and as he pulled me to my feet, instructed another officer to do
the same with the girl. They pushed us through the boisterous crowd and led us
to a paddy wagon. Opening the door, they forcefully pushed me up into the
truck. An officer followed me in, followed closely behind by the girl and
another officer.
We were both
kneeling and handcuffed on the floor as the wagon drove off. She had her head
down sobbing and bleeding as she clutched the torn garment closed to her chest.
I didn’t want to look directly at her so I glanced out of the corner of my eye.
I couldn’t see her face because she had her head down and her hair was covering
her face.
On the way to
the station, I mulled over in my mind if I was going to die. What would happen
to the girl? Would she be executed anyway? As she sobbed quietly, I wondered if
I’d ever learn her name, her age, or what she was being tortured for.
After the
fact, my actions seemed to be so futile if she were to die anyway. I’d made a
choice to try and prevent her from probably being killed and more than likely
might forfeit my life for the effort. It would all be for naught if she were to
die anyway. What I’d done may possibly have meant nothing more except to delay
the inevitable.
Upon arriving
at the police station, we were roughly removed from the wagon and led off in
different directions. I didn’t see the tiny girl again. I was harshly hustled
into an interrogation room where I sat alone cuffed to the chair.
I was in
agony and every time I moved, it seemed that every muscle in my body had been
assaulted. It was difficult to breathe and I was afraid that I probably had
some broken ribs. My mouth felt swollen where I’d bit my cheek but the bleeding
has stopped only to be replaced by a throbbing pain in my face.
I can’t
remember how long I sat in that empty room secured to the chair but after what
seemed like eons, two men entered and sat down opposite me at the desk. I had
my head down slightly because I was battered, exhausted and it was difficult to
sit up straight being cuffed to the chair.
One of the
men, dressed in a suit cleared his throat and I looked up at him. He asked me
in English “You are an American, yes?”
“Yes.” I
replied with a wince. “I’m an American citizen.”
“Your
government is no help to you here.” he replied. “You will be charged with some
serious offenses for which you could be sentenced to death.”
I just sighed,
thinking to myself, Tell me something I don’t
know.
I remembered
my Dad telling me that since there isn’t diplomatic relations with Iran; U.S.
interests in Iran are taken care of by the Swiss embassy.
“Can I speak
to a member of the Swiss embassy?” I asked. “Will I have a lawyer appointed for
me?”
“No, you
cannot speak to anyone from the Swiss embassy,” he answered. “And yes, you will
be appointed someone to represent you at your trial.”
“Tell me,” he
asked, “the sequence of events as you know them so that your defense can be
arranged.”
He then
produced a tape recorder, set it on the table in front of me and turned it on
saying, “Begin.”
I recounted
the events as best I could remember, what we’d witnessed and giving my reason
as to why I’d tried to intervene and protect the girl ending my testimony with
sitting here talking to him.
Swallowing
hard, I asked him, “What am I being charged with?”
He leaned his
elbows on the table and replied, “The full extent of the charges is being
investigated as we speak. It may take some days before you are formally charged
and stand trial. We can hold you as long as we want to determine the number and
seriousness of your crimes against the state.”
“Can I see my
parents?” I asked.
“How old are
you?” he asked.
“Fourteen,” I
responded.
“No. Under
the statutes of Iran,” he began, “you’re an adult male criminal and as such
have no rights and cannot receive visitors. In this country, you need to prove
your innocence, not the other way around as you say in your country.”
“What of the
little girl?” I asked.
“Don’t
concern yourself with the girl,” he answered. “Her fate will be determined in
accordance with strict Islamic precepts as will yours.”
“What happens
now?” I asked.
Sitting back
and crossing his arms he replied, “You’ll be processed then await your trial in
prison. You will be seen by a doctor to make sure you have no life-threatening
injuries. How long you remain in prison awaiting trial is up to the court
handling your case. It could be a matter of days, weeks or even months. There
is nothing else to tell you at this time.”
With that,
both men rose and my interrogator turned off and pocketed the tape recorder
then left, leaving me once again alone and cuffed to the chair.
I sat there
in the room alone for probably another hour when a uniformed officer released
me from the chair, re-cuffed my hands behind my back and led me to another room
where I was fingerprinted and photographed.
I was then
taken to a dispensary where a physician examined me. He said I had four cracked
ribs but didn’t bother to tape them. Once I was deemed to have no immediate
life-threatening injuries, I was led away to a holding cell.
I wasn’t
given any food or water and the cell contained a half-filled bucket to relieve
myself in. I just curled up in a ball on the floor and tried to rest. Sleep
never really came that night because it was so difficult to breathe and I ached
all over. I just sort of dozed for minutes at a time only to be awakened by a
throbbing pain somewhere in my body.
The following
morning I was rousted from the cell, put in an enclosed truck and we drove for
about twenty minutes before coming to a stop. After a few moments, the truck
began to move slowly and stopped again about two minutes later. The door was
opened and I was temporarily blinded by the sunlight as I was pulled from the
truck and led into the prison. Once inside, I was given prison garb, a tin cup
and plate along with a wool blanket and led away down a series of corridors.
They brought
me to a processing room where I was examined for contraband including a rough
finger up my butt. I was then led to a shower where I was allowed a cold
shower, told to change clothes and give my personal clothes to the jailer.
After completing my assigned tasks I was led to another building that was
nearly completely dark inside and put into a cell.
The cell was
of large stone construction with a stone floor. The roughly six-by-six cell was
dark, damp and had the dank, musty odor of mildew with a soiled, uncovered
mattress on the floor in the corner along with a half-filled bucket for a
toilet and a partially used roll of toilet paper. The sound of the large,
wooden cell door closing and being locked reverberated throughout the hall and
it seemed to have an eerie, ominous sound of finality to it: almost like I
might never leave here.
Setting my
things on the floor, I was so exhausted from being beaten and going without
sleep for two days I curled up under the blanket and painfully fell to sleep in
exhaustion.
I awoke in
painful agony the next morning (I think) with stomach cramps from not having
eaten and was hungry. I called out for a guard and after several minutes, he
stood before the door holding two buckets and gestured for my plate. I held it
up to the bars and he dropped a ladleful of gruel onto the plate with a plop.
He then filled my cup with water, turned and left without saying a word. This
slop tasted disgusting and I heaved as I ate but I had to get something in my
stomach. I gagged my way through my “meal,” drank my water sparingly saving a
good portion for later and fell back onto the mattress.
I lay on my
back trying to control my breathing to reduce the agony in my chest and fell
off to sleep again. I don’t know how long I slept, but it was dark out and was
suddenly awakened by a loud banging on the door. I struggled to my feet, only
to receive another helping of my earlier meal.
While
struggling to get through my meal, I estimated I’d been here about two days and
started to cry wondering if and when I’d meet my fate. I clenched my jaw and
swallowed hard to bring myself under control, but my desperation gave way to
the pain and fatigue and I simply eased myself back down on the mattress and
struggled to rest and hopefully heal.
I guess the
human body knows what it needs to heal and survive because it seemed to have
mostly shut down and my third day was pretty much like my first two in that my
aching body wouldn’t let me concentrate on anything else but sleep to escape
the pain, but through the foggy haze I remember crying a lot. This forced
recuperation was fraught with fits of nightmares, mental struggle and more
crying. It wasn’t until the fourth day that I could mentally focus enough to
begin to consider my plight.
The sudden
and loud banging on my cell door by my jailer bringing me my morning swill woke
me from a fretful sleep. I must be either going crazy or have resigned myself
to my fate because I was actually eating this gunk without gagging. I always
sipped my water, rationing myself until the next meal.
As my head
began to clear, I started pondering my fate. At first, my mind went through a
stage of confusion as panic set in and I cried for several hours certain that
my short life was over. All I could think about was the fear of dying and that
I never would have dreamed two months ago when I thought I had everything: a
life, a loving family, a girlfriend, school, sports and a group of guys I
considered my pals. Now, I was alone in a foreign and hostile country in a prison
cell awaiting my probable death.
Once I’d
cried myself out of my pity party, I began to seriously consider what might
happen and what exactly my situation was. I remembered my dad telling me that
in the study of history, the writings and artifacts that reveal the past prove
one thing: that no one single act is an isolated incident. Everyone’s actions
have a cascading affect on the world and those around them. People’s lives and
sometimes history are changed by the actions of one person or group of people.
I wondered what ripples I’d made and their effects on the people involved.
I thought of
my parents. They’ve spent their entire lives immersing themselves in their love
for this culture, its history and language. Now I feared I’d ruined their
life’s work. It had been hard enough for them since Iran essentially closed
itself off in 1979, but because of their expertise they’d become world-leading
scholars in this field of study. How could they continue to research and study
Persian history and culture when I had ruined any chance of collaboration with
the very seat of their interest? Would their world-renowned reputations be
tainted and ruined? Could their stature in the world of Persian academia help
me in some way, possibly gaining me some mercy or would their life’s work all
come to naught as a result of one single deciding moment on my part to act?
Being an
imprisoned American, I wondered if news of my arrest and upcoming trial might
somehow have been leaked to the outside world. Would my country fight for my
release, or at the very least, help attempt to ensure some measure of leniency?
Could what I had done cause an international incident that’s being played out
on CNN to bring pressure to bear upon the Iranian government to spare my life?
I remembered
Hasan’s words about that subculture of resistance in repressive societies.
Certainly they would get word to the outside world of my plight, wouldn’t they?
In past
incidents of Americans being convicted to harsh sentences in other countries,
the U.S. government was able, in many cases to intercede and bring about some
measure of mercy. Although I had no answers to the questions that rolled around
in my head, I found a measure of hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe instead of
death I’d spend years in prison for the act of attempting to save a life.
A life…
What’s the
value of a young girl’s life? What of that little girl?
Is she still
alive or has she already had her life snuffed out? What if she’s already dead
despite my attempt to save her? What’s her situation: has her father’s esteemed
reputation with the courts earned her a measure of mercy for her
father’s sake?
If I were to
venture a guess, her father’s reputation and years of service would mean little
to a cold, calculating and uncaring government. In America, one could work
their entire life for the benefit of a company’s success only to be callously
discarded when it’s expedient to do so. Why would Iran be any different?
There’s
nothing I can do for that little waif now, it’s all in God’s hands.
_______________________
God…
What’s His
role in all this?
I never
really was what you’d call a religious person but I did have a deep
faith that there is a Higher Power. I sometimes felt sad at all the violence in
the Middle East despite the fact that Christians, Jews and Muslims believed in
the same God, the God of Abraham. We didn’t go to church every Sunday or spend
much time spouting scripture, but my parents made sure I read the Bible and was
taught to treat my fellow man with dignity and respect: the Golden Rule. Even
though I believed in God, I never really prayed much. Praying to God is like
talking to your parents: we usually don’t break down and go to them until we’re
in really hot water and we don’t see any other way out. Well, I’m in really
hot water now!
Mom and Dad
grew up in different denominations: Mom is Lutheran and my dad is Presbyterian,
although we went to a Lutheran church whenever we did go to church. My parents
are the most tolerant, considerate and kindest people I know. They have tried,
mostly at my mother’s direction, to teach me their values. Dad always told me
after past scrapes I had to pick and choose my battles, weigh the pros and cons
and fight for the things that most matter in life. He also told me a short time
ago that people who come to the aid of their fellow man usually never thought
about their own safety; they just felt in their hearts what was right to do. In
my case, I felt it. I deeply felt it tearing my guts out watching that tiny,
terrorized little girl screaming for her life. It was as if I was compelled
to act! Wasn’t the innocent life of another a good fight?
For the first
time in a long time, I prayed. I first cried out my intercessions for the
little girl that I didn’t even know or maybe would never know or had
knowledge whether she were still alive. I prayed that He take my life and spare
hers that she may be strengthened by the fact that someone in the world did
care.
I confessed
my sins, asking for forgiveness and prayed to God that if I were to die, let my
death mean something: either to save that girl’s life or bring to light what
was happening to girls the world over that were deprived of their rights. I
prayed for peace. Peace in my heart to accept whatever my fate was as a
man — not like a groveling child, strong in the knowledge that what I had done
was right and just.
I prayed for
mercy. Mercy that if both the girl and I were to die, that it be merciful and
quick: not painful and humiliatingly slow. I prayed for my family and that my parents
would receive His comfort from any pain or loss my actions had caused them. And
lastly, I prayed for wisdom: wisdom to stand before my accusers girded with the
truth and to be guided by that truth to the very end.
As I fell off
to sleep, I prayed for resolution. The murky beast of uncertainty and the
unknown is far more terrifying and fearful than knowing one’s true fate.
“Please,
Lord,” I prayed, “let the end come soon. I’m not so afraid of dying now, but I
don’t want to die alone, here, in this solitary cell…”
I felt a
small measure of unexplainable peace as I drifted off the sleep.
I was roused
from my sleep by the banging on my cell door the next morning. Looking through
the bars, I saw a uniformed guard peering in and down at me. I rose to sit up
and looked at him with questioning eyes. Seeing I was awake, he unlocked the
door and motioned me to come with him.
All he said
was, “It’s time.”