Collar My Heart

By C. Stanton Leman

Chapter 2

I couldn’t get a flight out of New York on the following Friday, but Trudy booked me on a flight leaving JFK at seven am on Thursday morning. That put me into Tokyo on Friday morning at ten. This gave me an additional day, which pleased both Tanaka and me considering the main purpose of my visit.

In preparation for the trip, I approached my meeting Mioko with a positive attitude. I owed Tanaka, in his wisdom that much. Trusting my mentor, I owed myself that much. I’d put together a contract and purchased Mioko a collar. It was a Stealth Turian style collar made of 3/8-inch diameter stainless steel with a locking Allen set-screw and an engraved charm that read, “DAW” on the front side and “Mioko” on the back. It was beautiful in that the hinge and locking screw were invisible. It also came with a set of leash rings. Knowing Tanaka had a fully equipped “playroom”, I didn’t bother with any of the other accoutrements of the lifestyle if I needed any.

The seventeen hour flight gave me plenty of time to think about my life. For some reason, preparing to meet Mioko had been different. I also thought a lot about Asuko. Ever since her death, I had clung to the vision of her face and the memories we shared together. It eased the pain of her loss, but after my conversation with Tanaka, I realized I was clinging to a ghost. Love is for the living; a ghost can’t love you back. It was time to move on and I could almost sense Asuko’s spirit releasing me from my grieving.

As I cleared customs, Tanaka was there with a cheese-eating grin on his face. ”Daniel-san,” he said respectfully with a slight bow extending his hand in friendship, “glad you could make it!”

I returned his bow, took his hand and replied, “Tanaka-san, it’s always an honor and it’s great to see you again.”

Having only a carry-on, we made our way to his limousine and talked of old times. Understandably, there was an undercurrent of nervousness between us. I broke the ice by asking, “I hope that if things don’t work out, that this won’t affect our friendship.”

“Don’t give it another thought, Daniel-san,” he replied with a slap to my knee. He could see my nervousness and quipped, “Let’s just take things as they come and see what develops. We’ll cross each bridge as we come to it, Grasshopper,” and he broke out in laughter. “Sorry, Daniel-san, but I saw the opening and just couldn’t resist. Relax, Daniel, it’ll all work out. I’m sure of it.”

Jeez, I haven’t even met the woman and I’m sitting here with sweaty palms. His tone settled me and brought me back to reality. I’d given this a lot of thought over the past week and agreed with Tanaka that it was time to move on. I was stagnating. Asuko would have wanted to see me happy again.

Tanaka explained in greater detail the relationship between Mioko and Madoka saying, “You’re probably wondering why Mioko’s submissiveness has been nurtured by her mother with my approval. It was quite by accident that one night when Mioko was nine, Madoka inadvertently left the secret door to the playroom ajar. Boy, did she get her butt paddled for that! Anyway, Mioko awoke during the night and went looking for one of us. She happened to see her mother and me in the playroom. When she asked Madoka about it the next day, Madoka was worried at first, thinking the child might have been frightened by what she may have seen. When Mioko revealed what she’d seen on her mother’s face and that she felt an overwhelming need deep within herself to follow in her mother’s footsteps, Madoka came to me looking for answers.

“Madoka and I discussed this at great length and we felt that if this was something she really identified with, then her mother would guide and direct her in consultation with, but without any overt, direct interference from me to become what she felt was her calling. If Madoka felt, with my input, that Mioko wasn’t inclined to follow through with her childhood desire, we’d abandon her guidance in this area. There has existed a tacit understanding between Mioko and me in that we’ve never spoken about it, but she’s well aware that I know of her desires and her mother’s mentoring. I believe at some point, she’s had the impression that her mother and I would introduce her to the lifestyle at the right time. By that I mean socially. I would never consider topping my own daughter and she’s never indicated any desire for me to do so. She fantasizes and masturbates about an imaginary, perfect mate nightly.”

“Don’t they all when they’re right on the cusp?” I added.

Tanaka chuckled to himself and I asked him what was so funny. He replied, “Madoka knows all about you and Asuko and will catch on the moment she sees you. The only one ignorant of the fact that a game is afoot will be Mioko. By then, it’ll be too late and Madoka will bite her tongue and watch things unfold — even if only out of curiosity. I just love surprises, don’t you?”

With a wry smile I replied jovially, “Now I know why we think so much like, you always were a good sensei.”

We were approaching the gate to his home when Tanaka pulled out his cell phone and speed-dialed the house. Madoka must have answered because Tanaka asked if she and Mioko were ready. He told her we were approaching the gate and would arrive in a few minutes.

_________________________

Mama’s words turned my world upside down. What if my future Dom is a gaijin? I just never thought of that possibility before, I thought to myself. She was right. I can dream of the possibilities, but it is He who will help me set out a plan and guide me to reach my potential.

I felt so ashamed when she called me a petulant child acting contemptuously and her words pricked my heart. I felt like I was five years old again, but she was right. How can I feel so deeply about being submissive and yet unexpectedly, without thinking, act like such a child? Sometimes I’m like a spoiled little brat stomping her foot in a childish tantrum.

She’s right about growing up too. When Papa decides to take me out and introduce me to people in the lifestyle, there’s bound to be those that are as obnoxious as some of his business associates… maybe worse. I inwardly chuckled when I remembered what Mama once said about this very topic. There’s nothing worse than a wannabe Dom who thinks a sub is his personal plaything. What’s sad is that some women fall for their cleverly rehearsed lines filled with all the right catch phrases and end up hurt.

I’ve disrespected Papa and I’ll tell Mama in the morning how sorry I am, I vowed. As that thought crossed my mind it dawned on me that my perfect Dom would be a lot like Papa. He’d be considerate, kind, but forceful when I’ve acted like a child. He’d be patient with me knowing that I’m young and inexperienced and yet he’d respect me and always tell me the truth, even if I didn’t like hearing his words. He’d cherish my submission, treasure and protect me and provide me with a safe environment to give myself totally to him. Papa dominates Mama, but yet she’s free.

But then, isn’t that the way all girls think, vanilla or not? I mean, if a girl has a good relationship with her father, doesn’t she want a husband with traits like her Papa?

The following morning, I admitted my impudence to Papa and apologized to him for not trusting him and behaving like a proper, obedient daughter. This was the first time I’d admitted to him my transgressions, usually confessing to my mother. He was surprised by my admission and said, “Your apology is accepted and you are forgiven. Not that I need to explain myself, but to ease your mind that I’m not insensitive to your concerns, I will. I do see how many of the men that I potentially do business with look at you and your mother. It is one of my personal tests to judge the character of a man. If he cannot control his eyes when confronted with the beauty of a mature woman or the innocence of a young girl, that man’s character leads me to believe that he wouldn’t be a man I’d trust as a business partner.

“If you embrace our life style, you’ll find that there are those in the scene that cunningly hide a dark heart, but their eyes never lie. What you need to focus on is what is in your heart. The most important advice I can give you is that even as a submissive you have a great deal of power. Who you submit to, in what way and for how long is your decision: no one else’s. Being submissive doesn’t mean you don’t have choices but those choices must be thought out and considered. Any Dom, or anyone claiming to be a Dom, that orders you to submit is toxic and dangerous. Your submission is a gift — your gift — and if it isn’t considered to be a gift by a potential Dom, that should be a major warning sign. Don’t be tossed hither and yon by the actions of others. As a submissive, you need to learn and exercise self control. If you get angry, you can lose control of yourself. When you mentally lose control, you lose the ability to properly reason and that’s dangerous. Have I made myself clear?”

“Hai, Oto-san.”

“Hai. I’m going to the office,” and with that, he rose, kissed Mama and me and left.

When He’d left, I sat in awe of him. His words, his tone and manner enthralled me. That conversation with my father was burned into my memory. It would be one that would guide me to find the one I’d give my gift to.

Mama explained that a Dom would put his submissive in situations like this to test their reaction to see how he or she handles and reacts to any number of unpleasant situations.

Needless to say, I spent the rest of my time concentrating on amending my behavior to better face the arrival of Papa’s guest. When the day came to greet our new guest, I was a different person. Usually, when preparing to meet one of Papa’s guests, I always had a knot in the pit of my stomach because I was always thinking of the other person’s actions. Now, I knew that the power to make me feel cheap was the power I’d given to them.

“Mioko,” Mama called out, “hurry child. Your father is at the gate.”

“Coming, Mama.”

I hurriedly shuffled down the hall. Damn, it’s so hard to move quickly in this kimono!

Coming to a halt next to Mama I ask, “Do I look all right? How’s my hair and make-up?”

“You look lovely, dear. Just remember your place and everything will be all right. Now get into position.”

I took my place: next to and behind Mama and waited for the door to open.