Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Silicon Valley Tales from the imagination of California Dreamer (C) 2001,
all rights retained.

   Moira and friends

   Gang of six

   Kerry and Moira danced about in the kitchen while Dave and I did manly
things around the barbecue.  Aly and Paul were sprawled on the back lawn,
giggling and talking with occasional nervous glances at the two of us.  Aly
seemed to be doing most of the talking.  I could see Paul's face but not
Aly's.  He seemed very interested in her quiet words.  I could read his
lips.

   "No!  You did?"

   His eyes went very wide, questioning.  I could see Aly's head nod.

   "Wow," Paul mouthed, exaggerating his face.

   I couldn't make out his next words but whatever he'd said made Aly
giggle loud and say something that caused Paul to nod his head in strong
affirmative.  They both turned to stare at Dave and me.  Paul at me and Aly
at Dave.  I smiled a small smile at him and he gave me a little nervous
knowing grin.  Turning to Dave, I opened my mouth to speak but he beat me
to it.

   "He did it.  He woke up and saw us doin' it on the couch last night. 
Broad daylight, so to speak."

   I didn't know what to say.  Dave didn't seem to be embarrassed at all.
He spoke as if he'd accepted the inevitable.  Then he took a deep breath as
he turned to look at me.

   "What did he see?" I finally blurted.

   "Not much.  Kerry was playing cowgirl but since she had a long skirt on,
we weren't really all that exposed.  It was very obvious to him what we
were doing, though."

   "What did Kerry do?"

   "Nothing at first.  She was a sort of busy but she did finally notice me
staring over her shoulder.  When she looked where I was looking she
screamed and jumped off me and fled to the bedroom."

   "Leaving you there with your pants down," I laughed at him.

   "Eh yup," he drawled slowly.  "He got an eye full of my johnson, he
did."

   "It could have been worse, buddy.  He could have seen a lot more than
just your 'magic' johnson."

   "I don't even want to think about that," Dave shook his head.  "It
bothered me that I'd exposed myself to him."

   "You don't seem bothered now," I stated.  I looked at him carefully,
trying to figure out where he was going.

   "Dave, what did you do?  Don't hold back on me now."

   "It's happened to you so you know how I felt.  A dozen possibilities
flashed around in my head until I realized it was time for honesty.  I just
waved him over and patted the couch next to me.  He acted embarrassed as
hell and sort of shuffled over to perch on the edge of the cushion."

   I watched Dave's eyes defocus into the memory.  He licked his lips and
made a little snort laugh, shaking his head before continuing

   "He wouldn't look at me but couldn't seem to keep his eyes off my limp
noodle.  Boy, I'd like to know what was running around in his head.  I
didn't say anything for a bit, just sat there hoping he'd relax and say
something but he didn't say a word, so I had to.  I asked him if he knew
what we were doing.  He just nodded his head."

   Dave looked around when Aly went running by us, headed for the backdoor.
Paul was ambling uncertainly toward us.

   "You telling Rick about last night, David?" he mumbled softly.

   He didn't seem embarrassed, just a little shy.

   "Yeah, Pauly.  Did you tell Aly?"

   Nodding his head, "You don't mind, do you?"

   "No, it's okay."

   I felt a need to flip some burgers.  Just in case Pauly needed some time
to get comfortable.

   Dave spoke softly after a moment.  "Paul, tell Rick what we did last
night, okay?"

   "Um, well.  He asked me if I understood what he and momma were doing.  I
said that they were screwing." He made a little giggle, his eyes wandering.


   "Then Dave said no, they were making love.  People that care about each
other don't just screw."

   Paul didn't seem quite as stressed now.

   "I can agree with that.  Dave really loves your mom, you know?  He's
told me that many times." I did some more serious burger flipping.

   "Yeah, they are awful mushy a lot." His voice was so soft I almost
couldn't hear him.

   Paul wrinkled his nose at Dave, pretending disgust, it seemed.  His eyes
told a different story which surprised me.  He had a look of awe, almost
reverence after his fake grimace at Dave.

   "Tell Rick what happened next, Pauly." Dave chuckled softly and seemed
to fidget a little.

   There's something going on here I thought but wasn't at all prepared for
Paul's next words.

   "Dave showed me how to jerk off and squirt."

   My jaw hit the deck.  I shook my head and choked.  Coughing over the
burgers, of course.

   "What else did we do, Pauly." Dave's voice was definitely nervous now.

   "We talked about how to make girls feel good.  You know, kissing and
stuff."

   "And stuff?" I couldn't help blurting.

   "Yeah.  How to rub titties and pussies.  To make a girl feel good."

   I stared at this kid standing there so at ease talking about sex with
two adults.  He seemed proud to be included.  I looked at Dave.  He was
looking at Paul like a proud father watching his kid hit a Little League
home run.

   "Oh, yeah.  One more thing," Paul enthused.  He was on a roll.  "He let
me feel his dick.  I rubbed it and he got hard.  That was very
interesting."

   "What does Kerry think about this?" I eyeballed Dave intently.

   "I haven't gone into all the details about last night but she's been
fretting about how to discuss the subject with him."

   "Mom bought me a book but it didn't say much about how to make a girl
feel good." He gave Dave another big grin.  "I asked Aly if she'd like to
kiss and play around some."

   A shriek of laughter came from the kitchen.  Our three heads snapped
around to see Moira pointing an accusing finger at Kerry's blushing face
and laughing behind her other hand.

   "Hey Paul, looks like Aly is sharing your story," Dave chuckled.  "Part
of it at least."

   Aly came scampering out the door, making straight for Paul, flashing an
evil grin.  She groped for his hand and pulled him back towards the door.

   "Come with me.  I'll show you my room.  I've got some great mummy stuff
to show you or we can make out."

   She glanced at me for a moment and laughed.  I guess my mouth was
hanging open or I had a stupid look on my face.  I tend to do that upon
occasion.

   "Those burgers are well done now." Dave's voice brought me out of my
daze.  I began lifting them off the grill onto the serving plate thinking
how young Aly and Paul were.

   I carried the plate into the kitchen to find Kerry and Moira grinning at
each other over the salad.

   "Burgers are ready.  How did the canary taste?" I put the plate down in
the middle of the table.  It had been set for six.

   "What," they spoke in unison.

   "You two look like..."

   "We got it," Moira laughed.  She turned her face to Dave and raised her
eyebrows.

   "So, you did some sex education last night, hm?  Paul caught you and
Kerry playing around and that's what you come up with?"

   "Uh, seemed reasonable," Dave sputtered, blushing bright.

   "Better him than me, don't you think?" Kerry appeared comfortable with
the event.

   "After dinner we'll talk about it.  Right now is bad.  I'm too hungry to
think straight." She aimed her steady gaze at my face.  "I've had a lot of
exercise today and need some protein."

   Kerry snorted a laugh but only said, "I'll call the kids." She put her
head through the doorway and yelled, "Dinner's ready."

   The kids trooped in.  Aly's posture and gait made it clear, she was the
alpha female or child of.  It didn't matter.  I got the impression that she
was confidant and in charge of...  What is a kid of eleven in charge of, I
thought slowly.  Dave pressed a cold beer against my arm.

   "You look zoned, Rick.  What are you thinking about?"

   I looked at him, blank for a moment.  He thrust the beer into my hand.

   "Do kids these days mature earlier than we did?" I shook my head
wondering if maybe I was a little slow at that age.  Dave just shrugged.

   We started seating ourselves.  Aly and Paul sat side by side so I sat
next to her.  She gave me a sweet smile.

   "I think television exposes them to more information than we had access
to at that age." Kerry spoke out.  "It's a shame they lose their innocence
even before they hit their teen years."

   "I think innocence is just another way of saying ignorance," Moira
responded.  There wasn't a trace of cynicism in her tone.

   "Pass the mustard," Dave contributed.

   "Can I have a taste of your beer, Rick," Aly asked sweetly.

   Without thinking, I held out the bottle.  She took it in both hands and
raised it to her lips.  One gulp was all she took.  Her eyes squinted, she
quickly gave it back.  She swallowed big and smacked her lips.

   "I'll stay with cola.  Why do you like that taste.  It's so bitter."

   "It's something guys do to prove their manhood, sweety." Moira laughed
softly.  "They can't go out and kill something to drag back to the cave so
they drink beer instead."

   "Come on.  It's just as dangerous to drag home a paycheck.  Driving on
freeways with idiots and stress at work.  Either is deadly." My two cents.

   Moira nodded as she smeared relish on her bun.  We handed round the
condiments.

   "Dave, is that burger okay.  You look like you don't want to swallow
that bite." Kerry looked concerned.

   "It's just well done.  I was hoping for medium well." He gulped it down.
"Kinda dry."

   We began our meal and devoured the crispy burgers.  I think we were all
too hungry to talk.  Paul proved me wrong.

   "Mom, why are you so nervous about explaining sex to me?" Paul's
question silenced us all.  We looked at Kerry to see her reaction.

   Kerry's eye's darted from Dave to Paul.  Her mouth opened but no words
came out.

   "Uh.  Ah," she stumbled.

   "Dave wasn't embarrassed last night when he answered my questions.  You
weren't, were you, Dave?"

   Dave shook his head and started to open his mouth but Kerry jumped in
first.  "Um, what all did he tell you, Pauly?"

   "That it's okay to masturbate.  Everybody does it, even girls."

   He turned and gave Aly the softest little smile, his cheeks slightly
flushed.

   Aly silenced a giggle with the remains of her burger.

   "Is that all?" Kerry turned to lift her eyebrows at Dave.

   "Well, that and how much fun it is to make a woman feel good.  Your book
illustrated how part 'a' goes into part 'b' and all that.  He knew about
erections but really didn't understand what to do.  So I showed him."

   Dave spoke calmly with a gentle sincerity that seemed to defuse Kerry's
stress.  Her shoulders relaxed and her face softened as he spoke.

   "Kerry, I can't be Paul's father but I'd really enjoy being his Dad
someday.  Someday soon."

   A panoply of expressions flickered over Kerry's face.  Her squinty eyes
and pursed mouth became a wide eyed gape and a great big 'O'.  Then tears,
a flood down her cheeks.  Her mouth took on that funny twisting shape made
when laughing and crying at the same time.

   "Oh, David.  Oh, David!" She blubbered as she lurched into his arms.

   I turned to check Moira.  There were a sheen of tears in her eyes.  She
had a little smile working as she stared at the two clutching friends. 
Peripherally I noticed Aly look up at my face.  I turned my big smile in
her direction.  She wasn't smiling.  Her lips were parted slightly, her
eyes were so soft and pleading that my heart almost stopped.  A hammer
couldn't have hit me harder.

   "You love my mommy, don't you?" Aly voice was pitched high, her nervous
little girl voice.  I couldn't help but take her little cheek in my hand
and lean down to kiss her forehead.

   "Yes, I do, Aly.  A whole bunch."

   "I'd like it if..." She abruptly stood and wrapped her skinny arms
tightly around my neck.

   "I know, baby.  I've asked her already but she's very careful.  Because
of you, you know?  Mothers have to do that."

   "Yeah, we've talked a lot." She whispered in my ear, "She told me she
loves you and why.  And how you make her happy."

   "How's that, Aly."

   "That you're sweet to her and a very gentle man.  Can I sit on your
lap?"

   "Sure, honey." I pushed my chair back and she spun to wiggle her little
butt onto my legs.  I hugged her around her waist and nuzzled her cheek.

   "I'm sorry if I've been mean to you.  I'll make it up to you, don't
worry.  I'll be nice to you from now on.  Do you believe me, Rick?"

   "So, do I have to get down on one knee, Kerry?" Dave's voice a loud
interuption of a pleasant moment.

   "Not after what you just said to me." Kerry was calmer now.  Her tear
streaked face smiling broadly.

   "Hm?" Dave knitted his brow.  He remembered his words but didn't
understand the impact or her strong reaction.

   "You aren't a single parent so you don't know what your words really
meant to me."

   "Ah, Kerry.  I think I might have a handle on it."

   "We will share love and adventures.  Now I know I can share the joy my
little boy brings to me with you.  My heart of hearts child.  Pauly, come
join our hug."

   Paul scrambled to his feet and joined them.  Only he was dry eyed.

   I felt a warm belly against my shoulder, gentle fingers slipping into my
hair just above my neck.

   I tilted my head back to look into the face of the woman who had become
the center of my life.  She leaned down, bringing a kiss, her eyes so soft.
I tilted my head back and her warm lips rested gently against mine for a
moment.

   "Can I have a kiss too?"

   I felt Aly squirm and twist.  I smiled into her pretty eyes and put a
quick peck on her lips.  So quick she didn't have time to peck back.  She
made a tiny frown and grabbed my hair to twist my head down and around. 
She put her lips against mine and tried to force my lips apart with her
tongue.  I let her do it her way.  She was cleaning my teeth so I sucked
her tongue into my mouth.  She 'umphed' through her nose and pulled back,
her fingers releasing my hair.

   "That was fun," she spoke slowly, her tongue peeped from between her
lips as if checking if she'd lost any of it.  "Why is it called a French
Kiss?" Her voice was calm, her cheeks slightly flushed.

   "I don't know, honey.  Maybe it was popularized by French people." The
best I could do.

   "I've only read about it.  It was kinda fun.  Do you think we could do
it again?"

   "Aly," Moira sounded a warning with her tone.  "He's mine.  You practice
with Paul."

   I glanced up sharply at her, slightly surprised at her permission.

   "Don't you look at me like that.  It was your idea, remember?" Moira's
tone was now playful.

   I felt Aly slide off my lap.  She reached for and captured my hand.

   "Come on, let's go sit in the living room.  I want to talk with you
about stuff."

   "Aly?" Her mother's voice gently warned.

   "Just one, mom!  It's renewable resource, isn't it?"

   "Not bad for an eleven year old!" I exclaimed with a chuckle.

   "I'm twelve, almost.  Two more months.  Now come on."

   She marched me into the living room and nudged my hip towards the couch.

   "Sit here.  Do you want another beer?  I'll get it for you."

   "Sure, Aly.  Thanks."

   She scampered back into the kitchen and returned the same way.  She
handed me the bottle as she sat next to me.

   "What kind of work do you do, Rick?" Aly's tone was very serious.

   "Was this a job interview?" I wondered.

   "I'm a bit kicker, sweety." I sipped beer and waited patiently,
wondering what she'd do with that statement.

   "A butt kicker?" Her head tilted and her face twisted into a cute
questioning look.

   "Bit, Aly.  Bit not butt."

   "Mom said you do computer programming.  What's a bit kicker?"

   "She used my job title but everyday I kick bits around to make the
machine do it's thing."

   "I don't understand?  Could you explain that a little bit."

   I think she said that on purpose.  I resisted the urge to tousle her
hair.

   "Sure.  The smallest computer data element most commonly used is called
a byte which is composed of eight bits.  So, I rearrange those bits for a
living."

   "What does a computer do, anyway?  You'll have to show me how you 'kick'
bits someday."

   "Computers just add a little bit."

   Aly gave me a suspicious look.

   "You're doing it again?"

   "Sort of, I'm sorry but I need to draw pictures to explain easier.  But
what I said is true.  At the current level of this art and science, the
core of the machine is called an adder."

   Aly was not following.

   "Look, come to work with your mother.  I'll come and take you to my
office.  We'll play with my toys for a couple of hours.  Sound good?"

   "Okay.  Thank you, I'd like to do that." Aly leaned her shoulder against
my arm.

   "You and mom are pretty close now.  She told me you were a 'keeper'.  Do
you think my mom is a 'keeper'?"

   Aly smiled up at me, showing dimples I hadn't noticed before.

   "Your mom is definitely a keeper.  You both are.  And I'm really tickled
that she feels that way about me."

   "If you two get married then you'd be my daddy?"

   "I'd be proud to be your daddy, dear one.  Then I could call you silly
names like precious and honey pot." That got a short giggle and a shoulder
nudge then she was serious again.

   "Are you and mom going to make a baby?  I'd like to have a little sister
or brother."

   I paused for a moment.  This little girl was ticking items off a serious
agenda.  And she's only twelve almost.  Then I got the vague feeling she
already knew the answers.

   "I've asked her.  I'd like to have more like you around."

   Aly's smile could melt hearts and blister paint.

   "Can I sit on your lap again?"

   "Any time, sweety pie."

   She scrambled into my lap and snuggled in.  Her chin on my shoulder, her
nose against my neck.  I couldn't help patting her little bottom.  Pat,
pat, pat and a squeeze.

   "Isn't that 'bad touching'?"

   I jerked my hand up to her waist.

   "I'm sorry, Aly.  I've got this strong butt patting habit.  It runs in
the family."

   She reached behind her and shoved my hand back down to her cheek.

   "My daddy can pat my bottom.  It's okay.  I think you're just telling me
you like me so I like it."

   A spontaneous hug occured.  A reflexive action.  She hugged back.

   "I've got some more questions."

   No surprise there.

   "Lead on, McDonald."

   She didn't respond to my feeble wit.

   "Paul asked me to be his girlfriend."

   "Mmm.  I noticed he likes you.  What was your answer?"

   "Well, I'm not sure what boyfriends and girlfriends do together so I
told him maybe."

   I laughed and kissed her cheek.  Almost twelve and this little woman
already knows when to 'maybe'.  I felt I must have been a retard at her
age.

   "Let's see.  I guess sharing what you like and enjoying exploring what
Paul likes is the heart of a friendship."

   "I like reading.  So does Paul but he only reads Science Fiction stuff.
I like Nancy Drew mysteries.  He said he'd show me his Pong game.  That
sounds like fun, sorta."

   "I forgot.  Friends enjoy each others company.  They like each others
style too, you know, the way they act or treat you."

   This was new territory for me.  I'd not seriously thought about
relationships before.  I'd just let them happen at a trivial level without
thinking much.  What were the bits and pieces that make up a relationship,
I thought.  There I go, using that word again.  Maybe I'd better ask Moira
was my next thought.

   "Well, Paul is funny sometimes.  He's never mean to me like some boys at
school.  Is that what you mean by style?"

   "You got it, sweetums.  My girl is quick, isn't she."

   I felt her press harder against my chest so I squeezed her again.

   "I like that.  You calling me 'your girl'.  Kiss me one more time?"

   "Big one or little one?"

   "Kiss me the way momma wouldn't like if she saw us."

   "Ha.  You want a big sloppy, heavy duty make out wet one?" Thought maybe
that would dissuade her.

   "Yeah," she breathed enthusiastically.  "Let me do it."

   She sat up straight and put her hands on my cheeks and pulled me toward
her.  Her lips were parting as she pressed them to mine.  She was
aggressive with her tongue, I sucked it lightly and pushed mine between her
teeth.  She tried to suck the damn thing right out of my head.  I felt her
heat and broke away.  She leaned back and gazed at me, smiling, her eyes
dancing.

   "Where'd you learn to kiss like that?" I was breathing a little harder
than before.  I noticed she was too.

   "Oh, I read more than just Nancy Drew." Her eyelids drooped.  She was
giving me her best 'come hither' look.  I was definitely a retard at her
age.

   "What are you doing to my daughter, you child molester?"

   I'm sure glad Moira was laughing.

   "Wrong question.  Ask her what she's doing to me." I grinned at her.

   "Okay.  What are you doing to my man, Aly?"

   "Practicing, mom.  Just practicing." Aly's voice was sweet and innocent.

   "Go find your own to practice on.  That one's mine.  And that's my lap
you're sitting on.  Get off him." Moira's face was stern but it was easy to
see she was trying to keep from laughing.

   Aly bounced off my lap and Moira claimed it with a flounce.  Be
forewarned, it'll hurt when they do that.  I let out a big 'oof'.  Moira
sat on me and stared at my face, her eyes narrow.

   "Where's Paul, mom?"

   Moira just gestured towards the kitchen with a vague wave of her hand,
she was coming in for a kiss.  With the intensity of a pouncing big cat. 
After a minute of heated action she pulled back and looked me directly in
the eye.

   "That better be the best kiss you've had tonight."

   "Yes, dear."









   Understanding Engineers

   Three engineering students were debating which school designed the human
body.

   One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.  Just look at all the weak
joints."

   Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
billions of unnescessary electrical connections."

   The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

   (A tip of the hat to the unknown author.  If anybody knows the source,
email me.  Please.)