THE GENTLEMEN'S CLUB
Goran

Written by Lady Poetess
egiggles at moose-mail.com
/~bbp

Please do not reproduce on any website without permission. This
story has no resemblance to anyone dead or alive.

ONE

Goran Visnjic always had problems with beds. They were always
fucking too small for him. Even now, the lower end of his legs was
dangling over the foot of the bed. Six-feet six was a bitch when
it came to getting comfortable in a bed. He knew his orgasmic
aftermath was slowly fading when he felt the painful crick on his
knee.

Sighing, he raised himself to look at his much older lover Pierce
Brendan Brosnan. At 47, Pierce still was vain enough to spend
enough hours at the gym to retain his firm butt and steady rock-
hard musculature. Goran had seen a photo of Pierce when the man
was in his twenties, though, and he wasn't able to understand
Pierce's insecurities about their age difference.

A 16-year gap was no fucking deal, was it? Besides, Goran wouldn't
have given a 28-year old Pierce a second glance. It was this
mature Pierce, with the distinguished character age had given his
otherwise pretty-model but dull face and the easy, cultured wit
only age could bestow, that seduced Goran the first time they met.
Goran adored this 47-year old man, not the man Pierce was once in
a time. Why couldn't Pierce understand that?

Besides, Goran always had a weakness for older men anyway.

Goran looked at Pierce hastily pulling on his clothes. Damn, that
meant no second helpings tonight. Or this morning, Goran amended,
looking at the clock at the bedside table. "Maybe we can stay in
bed tonight," he suggested.

It was a suggestion that was way out of line. An office boy
shouldn't dictate to his boss that they took the day off in the
name of sex.

"No," Pierce said in that baritone timbre that never failed to
send shivers up Goran's spine. "In fact, I think it's time you
fish or cut bait."

"What's that?" Five years of living in America still hadn't
prepared Goran for some of its weird phrases. "You want us to go
fishing?"

"No, I want you to make a decision now. Now or never, Goran. I'm
almost 50, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life playing
with boys young enough to be my son. Either you shape up or get
out."

"You're dumping me?" Goran was wide awake now, in shock.

"Seeing as you can't seem able to commit yourself to this
relationship, I'd say yes, I'm dumping you." Pierce grinned
insolently. "Why, you actually looked shocked. You always made it
clear that this relationship isn't permanent."

"But - we just fucked." Now Goran was sounding like an outraged
maiden - he winced at his own behavior. "I mean, I - " He didn't
know what to say. Yes, he made it clear early on that there would
be no strings in this unprofessional affair of theirs.

But somehow, damn, Goran made a mistake he vowed he never would
do, he realized. One blissful year with Pierce and he had gotten
soft. He had started taking Pierce for granted, that Pierce would
always be there, and Pierce was as fond of him as Goran was of
Pierce.

He never even cheated on Pierce, he realized with a shock. The
thought never even entered his head. How could it, when being with
Pierce just drove all rational thoughts from him?

Pierce couldn't dump him. Goran couldn't allow it. Wouldn't.

"You can just throw me out," he growled.

Pierce threw Goran's pants at him. He stood back and opened the
bedroom door wide. "I just did," he said in that insolent calmness
that made Goran, who was confused and hurt inside, wanted to kill.



The pool club was smoky and at this early morning hour, almost
deserted. Three men stood around a pool table. Jeremy Northam was
intent on defeating his greatest rival in pool, Michael Vartan,
while Jesse Bradford, having fled a boring party, was watching
them with boredom-glazed eyes.

Goran switched on his camcorder. "So, Jesse, not going back to
Scott?" he asked.

Jesse gave Goran a look of barely masked dislike. "Scott is
asleep. I can't sleep."

"He just argued with Scott," Jeremy, the tell-tale, chirped.
"Scott wasn't pleased with Jesse's pierced ear, and he was banned
from the bedroom."

"Shut the fuck up, Jeremy, and keep playing," Mike said.

Goran gave Jesse a look-over. Jesse had been happily demolishing
his good standing with his family and peers after he hooked up
with Scott Wolf. Indeed, he now sported a gold stud at his right
earlobe. Deliberately unshaven and looking more like a punk
groupie than a socialite, Jesse had been increasingly estranged
from his parents for his behavior. But curiously, Jesse seemed
happier for it. Until now.

"So what would you do if Scott didn't want you back?"

"Oh fuck off, Goran. Just because Pierce gave you your marching
orders, that doesn't mean you can make everyone as miserable as
you," Mike said as he took aim at the pool table.

"Actually, this is for film school," Goran said. "I'm making a
short film about relationships, so it may as well be now."

"Creep," Jeremy said without heat - he wanted to know Jesse's
answer too.

Jesse looked at his feet. Then at the ceiling, before, finally, at
Goran, his face now impassive.

"I'll get rid of the earring," he said.

Jeremy made a chicken clucking noise. Mike shook his head.

"Yeah, I'll get rid of the earring," Jesse said, looking far ahead
as he said it. It was as if he was speaking to himself than to
Goran. "I'll beg. I'll even cling to his leg and weep if I want
to, because my life don't mean shit if it means I'll have to live
my old life without Scott. Scott's the reason I haven't killed
anyone by now." He blinked. "Fuck the earring. I'm going home."

Jesse smiled as he removed the earring, then hesitated. "Maybe I
can wear this when he's not around."

Mike laughed. "You're pathetic, Jesse. Fucking pathetic!"

Jesse just showed him the finger as he walked to the exit, visibly
more gaily than before.

"What would you do if Jason walks out on you, Mike?" Goran asked
him, focusing the camcorder on the man.

Mike showed him the finger.

"Billy wouldn't walk out on me," Jeremy said, surprising the other
two men. He had never mentioned his boyfriend's name in open, but
now he was confirming the rumors that he was sleeping with an
infamous former jewel thief. "His life will be bored if I'm not in
it, challenging his skills. Sometimes I feel he loves pointing out
loopholes in my security programs more than fucking me."

"If he walks out on you?" Goran prompted.

"I'm holding a cue stick. There are many ways to kill a man with a
cue stick," Jeremy said with a humorless smile. "Shut the fuck
up."

"You'll beg too, right?"

Jeremy looked murderous for a few seconds, and Goran actually
feared for his life at the moment. Then the man deflated with a
snort of disgust. "I'll never beg a man never to leave me. If he
leaves me, he's not worth it." He looked away for a moment. "I'll
probably give chase and give him a hard one in the face and yell
at him all sorts of aspersions for walking out on me. Yeah, that's
what I'll do."

Mike surprised Goran by saying quietly, "If Jason leaves, I'll
probably do something stupid. Something really stupid that would
make him feel so guilty he'll come back to yell at me and decide
he couldn't leave me alone, not when I'm this fucking stupid."

"Playing a fool then?" Goran asked.

"Yeah, playing the fool. I'm already a fool for being suckered
into wanting a man so bad I can't imagine living without him. A
sentimental, foolish fool." Mike sighed. "I think you've got your
answers, Goran, from all of us. Can we play in peace now?"

"Hey, wait a minute. You deserve something for your fucking
annoying questions," Jeremy said. He took a step towards Goran.

Goran couldn't react fast enough. One punch, dead in his face, and
he fell hard.

"Ouch," Mike said with a wide grin. "Did you camcorder catch
that?"



TWO

Goran pressed the ice bag to his swollen right eye. He was feeling
far from miserable, however, as he dialed Pierce's number. The man
was determined in his brushing off of Goran, for today at work, he
didn't even look, much less talk to Goran, unless he had to.

Well, not if Goran could help it. He wanted Pierce back.

"Hello," came Pierce's voice. Ah, that lovely voice.

"Hi," Goran said. Damn, his voice sounded too high. He swallowed
and tried again. "Hello."

"Goran." Just that, no endearments, nothing.

"I did something stupid today," Goran said.

"Really?"

"Don't you want to know what it is?" This was working like he
thought it would. Shouldn't Pierce be yelling at him now? And
telling him that he was a stupid ass? "I got punched in the face
by Jeremy."

"Okay. I'm sure you're okay now. You always are."

"Don't you want to come over and see how I'm doing?"

"Goran" - a weary sigh here - "I have a dinner date in exactly
fifteen minutes. I have to hang up. Nice hearing from you. Call
again sometime."

Click. Pierce hanged up. Goran stared at his phone in shock. After
shock, came the horrifying urge to cry.

Pierce couldn't date anyone else. Goran didn't know if he could
bear the thought of Pierce finding someone fun, someone better
than Goran. Hell, Goran wasn't done with Pierce, and no one would
have Pierce until Goran had had enough of the man.



"Who died?" Goran asked.

Thomas Gibson turned to see Goran and his camcorder and smiled
weakly. "Shut that thing off," he said, waving away at Goran. "No
one died. I'm just here asking David if he and Josh would like to
drop by my anniversary dinner."

"Two years," Goran said. "Congrats."

"Trust me, I'm surprised myself," Thomas said with a grin. "There
are times when I do want to strangle that irritating bastard."

David walked towards them with one of his rare smile. "Sure,
Thomas, Josh and me would be glad to drop by."

Goran focused his camcorder on David. It was hard with only one
eye functioning normally at the moment. "Can I ask you both a
question?"

"Sure," Thomas said.

"What would you do if your man walk out on you?"

Thomas looked stunned, David's eyes narrowed in annoyance. "What
sort of fucking question is that?" David snarled.

"It's a subject for a short film I'm making for my finals," Goran
offered.

"Ah, Pierce dumped him. Enrique told me," Thomas said suddenly.

"Jesus, does everyone know Pierce dumped me?" Goran couldn't help
exclaiming.

"Telephone, tell-a-queen," David said with a smirk.

"What happens if Enrique walks out on me? Well, I'll probably
visit his Aunt and ask for some curse spells on that bastard. So,
you want to come along to my dinner, Goran?"

"Okay, I'll come to your dinner. When is it?"

Thomas told him.

"And you, Dave? Come on, Thomas told, how about you? What would
you do if Josh finds someone who is more religious than you and
flies the coop?"

Ouch, that question inadvertently struck home in David's
insecurities concerning his boyfriend. He wasn't a churchgoer, he
was a bitter cynic, and Josh was determined to be some sort of
saint. An unlikely relationship, and from the look of pain that
crossed David's face, it wasn't one without its difficulties.

"I'm sorry. Forget I asked," Goran said, making to walk away,
regretting his cruelty. Mike was right - he was a bastard in his
self-absorbed misery.

"I really don't know what I'll do," David said, only slightly
unsteadily. "I can't stop him from leaving, can I? Who knows,
maybe I'll even go to church and pray for him to come back. Now
get lost, Goran, unless you want a custom-made coffin for you."

Thomas watched Goran leave, then pulled out a video cassette from
his pocket and handed it to David.

"What's this?" David asked, puzzled.

"Goran's video. I took it out of his camcorder just before he was
about to leave. I don't think you want anyone to hear what you
just said." Thomas grinned. "Hey, you don't live with a magician
without learning a trick or two yourself."


THREE

He had been taking care of himself since he was ten. His father
raised him to be a man's man, and until today, bless his dead
soul, the man never knew his son was gay. Goran knew his father
couldn't take it. His father died when he was fifteen, and he
became the breadwinner for the family.

When he was twenty, he buried his dear mother, who died in her
sleep, content since Goran had done his best to see to the family.
His sisters were married to decent men, and after seeing his
mother's burial, he realized he had done everything for everyone,
but in the process, he had forgotten about himself. He had nothing
here, he realized, and he had no idea what to do anymore now that
he was free.

After military service, he packed his bags and went to America,
just in time to miss the war in Croatia. He didn't care, he didn't
even feel guilty of evading his patriotic duty to his country. Not
when he was free here, and he could finally see to starting his
life anew.

Then came Pierce, one of the chief execs at the office he managed
to get a job at. Sensing easy meat, Goran had pursued mercilessly,
until Pierce couldn't resist. The mild-mannered man couldn't say
no, and within a week, he was sleeping with Goran. Pierce was the
one who sponsored him in film school.

Goran intended to move to Hollywood and try his hand at filmmaking
when he had enough money saved. Well, he had. He intended to walk
out on Pierce without much qualm, but he hadn't so far.

As Goran sat at the steps of his apartment block three days after
Pierce thrown him out, he mulled things over, and he didn't
understand it. He liked Pierce. He had no idea why he was
miserable - Pierce's cut made it easier for them both, right?
Goran always wanted to care for no one but himself. He didn't need
anyone, much less Pierce.

So why was he so fucking miserable? The cold of loneliness hurt,
and he didn't want it. Yet Pierce wanted commitment, a forever
after with a man closer to his age, because he was afraid -
rightly so - that one day Goran would get tired with Pierce's
diminishing virility and leave.

He looked at the stone his right hand was playing with, and felt a
sudden rage inside him. Damn Pierce, damn that man. Fuck that man
for walking out on him. It wasn't fair. It was not - fucking -
fair!

The stone ricocheted hard against the wall.

Goran kicked the trashcan, hard. Damn, it felt good. A kick for
Pierce for making him crave that man so much. Another fucking
trashing for leaving him like this. One more for being so witty
and eloquent. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

"Damn!" he screamed as he kicked the trashcan one last time. Maybe
one more time. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Barely cooled, he looked at the mess he had made. With a curse, he
picked up his camcorder and went to search for someone - anyone -
to help him calm himself down.



"Thanks for letting me join you," Goran said.

Brendan Fraser and Brian Littrell, two unofficial partners in
business, looked up from his heated discussion. Obviously they had
forgotten Goran in their overtime discussion over some crucial
business matter Goran didn't exactly catch, and would have
continued to overlook him should Goran remained silent.

"Yeah. My sympathies about Pierce," Brendan muttered, and turned
back to Brian. "No, I think not." he started to argue with Brian.

"How did you know about me and Pierce?" Goran asked. "I mean, if
I'm not interrupting anything."

Brian looked up from his studying some papers and smiled
indulgently. "Everyone knows. Besides, Pierce has been seen on
some evening dinners at Five Taverns with different men in two
days. Tongues are wagging that he has dumped his gigolo - no
offense, Goran, I'm just repeating what gossips said - and is
seriously looking for a, uh, `wife'."

"Everyone knows. No big deal," Brendan said in what was supposed
to be reassurance. "Now, Brian."

Goran looked at the glass of Diet Coke before him. They were at
Brian's favorite grilled salmon restaurant, and it was nine in the
evening. The two workaholics were having dinner and some last-
moment closure of the day before dashing home. It was pure luck
that Goran stumbled upon them (okay, he saw Brendan's car and
walked in this overpriced establishment for the very first time in
his life).

"Fine, we'll have it your way," Brian said wearily. "I expect I'll
have to clean the mess if you end up wrong."

"I'm never wrong. Much. Okay, most of the time," Brendan said.

"Fine. We'll do it your way."

"Done."

They were about to leave, and Brian was already trying to catch a
waiter's attention for the check. And Goran decided that it was
true what they said - when you are lonely, nobody cares. He was
lonely, and these men didn't even care to talk to him.

"Can I ask you both a question?" he asked, reaching to switch on
his camcorder.

"Okay, but make it quick. I have to be home by eleven. `Rocky and
Bullwinkle' rerun special on Cartoon Network," Brian said, already
pushing papers into his briefcase.

"What will you do if your partner walks out on you?" Goran asked.

"Oh fuck," Brendan said, shaking his head. "You're screwed, Goran.
Definitely screwed. What sort of question is that?"

"A perfectly legitimate question. Actually I'm doing a short film
- "

"Oh shove it. You just want people to feel as miserable as you,"
Brendan said accusingly.

"No, that's okay," Brian said, giving Goran a look which seemed
like one of pity. Or was it understanding? Whatever it was, he
decided to humor Goran, for which Goran was grateful. "If Ricky
walks out on me, he better lock his windows and doors and block
his chimney," Brian said easily. "Because otherwise I'll sneak
back into his life and he'll have hell to answer for walking out
on me."

"You'll kill him?" Brendan asked.

"No, chances are I'll forgive him. Because you see, if he does
walk out on me, I don't blame him. I'm not a good person, Goran,
and I did a lot of things I am not proud of. But yeah, I'll
forgive him, provided he takes me back and swears he won't walk
out again."

"And if he does? Again?" Goran asks.

"I'll just chasing." Brian shrugged. "It may sound pathetic to
you, Goran, Brendan, but I can't stand the loneliness. I have
nothing to lose by begging if it means he'll come back to me.
Excuse me, I have to go."

Goran and Brendan looked as Brian walked out, silent.

"Happy?" Brendan asked Goran softly, almost accusingly.

"No," Goran answered, looking at the door which Brian had just
exited thoughtfully. His heart hurt. "I don't know if he is a fool
to let himself be so vulnerable to Ricky. Ricky's just. a person."

"Well, I don't know. Brian sometimes get a bit passionate about
his life. Which is why he's good at what he does." Brendan looked
at the papers in his hand. "Well, come on, drink up. I'll drive
you home."

"No, it's okay. I'll just keep wandering around awhile." Tomorrow
was Sunday, after all. "Maybe until morning."

"Okay." Brendan made to rise.

"Will you chase after Alan?" Goran asked quietly.

Brendan hesitated. "I'll give him one month," he finally said.
"Let him have his fun, then I'll go get him back. And no, I won't
forgive. Good night, Goran."




FOUR

Pierce looked beautiful when he slept. Goran stood over the
sleeping man and smiled without humor.

"Well, you should've changed your lock," he told the sleeping
Pierce as he pulled his shirt over his head. "Maybe you shouldn't
have screwed me over."

He didn't really know what he was doing, except that the sight of
Pierce, asleep and looking so peaceful, made him furious. He
wanted Pierce to hurt like he did. He also wanted Pierce. The
sight of the man asleep, entirely nude except for the sheets
around his groin, reminded him just how much he missed touching
this man.

He missed so many things, really. Pierce's touch, smile, laughter,
and that warm, crazy way he would hold Goran in his arms.

Pierce snored softly, then sighed as he turned to his back, the
sheets falling away to expose his hirsute, well-muscled torso. One
hand unbuckling his belt, Goran pulled gently the sheets away.
Yes, Pierce's cock was hard in his sleep, his erect shaft a
steely, jutting protrusion from his thickly furred crotch, and his
large testicles were nestled between two well-muscled thighs.
Goran felt his own cock harden in response.

Carefully, gently, he let his finger trace a vein along the other
man's shaft. Pierce shifted again, spreading his thighs
instinctively as he muttered something incoherent. Goran licked
his dry lips, then let his tongue tip trace the slit along
Pierce's cock. A brief touch, not enough to wake Pierce, but
enough to make him tremble slightly in pleasure.

Goran knew he was mad, but he didn't care. He gently climbed over
Pierce, pausing when the man seemed to be coming awake (Pierce
wasn't), until he was on his knees, each knee at each side of
Pierce. He slowly - his fingers trembled - positioned Pierce's
cock, adjusting slightly until the man's cock was at the right
angle, and slowly lowered himself on it.

He was always the top guy in their relationship, and Pierce was
content to let Goran play the aggressive lover. But this time,
Goran wanted a part of Pierce, if only for this night, he needed
Pierce to feel this hollow ache in him. And it hurt. Pierce's cock
forged deep, forcing his anal walls apart like no one ever had.

But the pain was worth it when he finally felt Pierce's cock
penetrated his tight pucker. Every muscle in his anus convulsed,
tightening around Pierce until Goran could feel every throb in the
veins lining Pierce's cock, as he tried to get used to the feeling
of being invaded so intimately.

He felt Pierce's cock harden only further as Goran tightened his
anal grip on the man, felt the first spurt of heated juices, then
he heard Pierce's exclamation. "What the fucking hell? Goran - "
he couldn't continue, not when Goran kissed him then hard to
silence him.

"Don't," Goran finally managed to say. "Don't stop."

Pierce groaned, there was no mistaking that he didn't want to
stop. Already, his hips were bucking in an unmistakable rhythm,
each upward thrust only lodging his cock higher and deeper up the
fiery core of Goran.

"Damn you," Pierce gasped, "damn you for this."

"Oh just shut up," Goran told him.

Pierce gave a guttural roar as his hand tightened around Goran's
hips. Then he gave one sudden, upward thrust that caused Goran to
cry out as that cock hit so deep, and then Pierce was coming. He
groaned with each pulsing ejaculation, drenching Goran inside,
until he fell back onto the bed, dazed.

Goran chuckled softly. "So, Pierce, how are you these few days?"



"Don't think just because you sneaked into my bed and screwed me
royally I'll letting you back in my life," Pierce said. His
freshly showered nude form slid gracefully onto the chair. He
poured some orange juice into a glass and offered it to Goran.
"Chalk my behavior to temporary insanity."

"You're talking about the first fuck, the second, or the fifth?"
Goran asked cheerfully. "Oh face it, Pierce, we're good together.
Why not just keep things as they are? We have fun together,
right?"

"Fun, yes. But." Pierce ran his fingers through his still wet hair
wearily. "Maybe it's midlife crisis, but the appeal of a never-do-
well scoundrel like you wears thin at my age. I don't want to wake
up one morning when I'm 60 and realize there's no one there to
share my life with."

"You're asking me to do something I'm not ready yet," Goran
couldn't help saying.

"I'm not asking you, Goran. I would love you to be the one, but I
am not counting on it." Pierce pulled on a robe and sat opposite
Goran. "Sometimes I'm crazy enough to think I'm really, really
into you."

"So this is goodbye?" Goran asked stupidly.

"Yeah, I guess. And please, give me your keys before you leave,
will you?" "I don't want to leave," Goran said quietly. "I want to
stay here. With you."

"And I can't wait for you."

Goran rose unsteadily to his feet, more shaken by his defeat that
he'd like to admit. "How long will it take before you find someone
new?"

"Will it make things harder if I say I don't think there will be
another you?" Pierce placed his hand over Goran's, letting it
linger. "I've never said this, but you're one fun, crazy
scoundrel. With you, I do and say things I'll never do otherwise."

"So let things be as they are," Goran told him.

Pierce let his index finger run across Goran's knuckles, a sensual
caress that burned the latter. "Two days. You'll think things
over, Goran, and find out if I'm worth your giving up your freedom
over. After that, my doors will be closed."

"Two days."

"Think about it, okay? Who knows, maybe monogamy and commitment
are less painful than you imagined."



"So, Doc, what will you do if Ethan walks out on you?"

Matthew Broderick wondered if once - just once! - in his life he
would be able to be anyone but a shrink. Maybe he ought to move to
Alaska where people would never drop shrink questions in the midst
of conversations.

"Miss Pierce huh?" he countered. He could play hardball too.

Goran lowered his camcorder. "Yeah. I'm miserable. He doesn't want
me back."

"Here's a secret, Goran," Matthew said, gesturing at the other man
to lean closer. "Listen, think about this, you have, from all
indication, been Pierce's steady, committed spouse in all but name
for this last year. And you want this to continue. So what's the
problem? Just tell Pierce that, okay, you'll commit yourself. You
already did, when you gave up cheating around the moment you met
him. You have been faithful, haven't you?"

"Yeah," Goran muttered sheepishly.

"So there you go. You're as good as a committed life partner as
any. Now go to Pierce, reassure him you're here to stay, and he'll
let you sleep with him again. Easy, right?"

"Doc, you haven't answered my question."

Matthew fought down an urge to yell at the man. Goran's miserable
face indicated that he was just about to get Matt's message, but
not entirely. "Well, if Ethan walks out on me, I'll attend his
next show with a very handsome man who looks completely unlike him
by my side. I'll laugh, I'll flirt with this man, and I'll make
Ethan regret the day he leaves me. Got that?"



FIVE

Goran replayed the videos. Somehow those guys were more willing to
explain their reactions to their men's leaving than he'd thought.

Stephen would cry and roll up and die if Ronan left him. Pathetic.
Dylan would abuse his power and make sure JC would come back
begging when the latter couldn't get his art published. Antonio
and Joaquin gave similar responses - they would probably turn
stalkers. Ethan would make a grand attempt to kill himself, and
Jeff would probably burn down Nick's place out of spite.

So many answers, so many pathetic promises, yet all men who
actually dared to take the plunge knowing they would in all
probability end up hurt. Such as John and Mikey, when both
unknowingly revealed to Goran each other's insecurity about each
other. Or Tobey, who wouldn't stop Wes from leaving, but hell, he
would jump in his car and run down the man in his anger as Wes was
walking out. Or those who said they would get down on their knees
and beg the other not to leave - whatever they did wrong (or
didn't do), they'd make it right.

Goran wondered why he was so afraid. In the darkness of his room,
illuminated by only the TV screen and a small table light, he
weighed what Pierce meant to him. Laughter and easy companionship,
and someone steady and reliable to come home to. And life without
Pierce?

Well, he could always find someone new. Someone willing to indulge
a no-strings affair. Two ships in the night, that sort of thing.
But fuck, Goran didn't want to. He couldn't even see himself with
someone else.

Pierce asked him to think. And he did, and he didn't like what he
found. Pierce, whether Goran liked it or not, had gotten under his
skin. Pierce had probably spoiled him for all man. Not that Pierce
was the greatest lover on earth, but hell, he was the one Goran
wanted to spend today and tonight with.

That was all that mattered, right?

He was a coward, afraid of being hurt. But he wasn't stupid.

He reached for the phone. "Pierce?" he said when the man answered.
"I've been thinking like you asked. And yeah, I really, really
think I want to hear more about what you are proposing."



"Hurry up, we're going to be late," David Boreanaz said as he
walked into the living room. "Josh, you're not even -" his words
trailed as he saw what Josh was watching on the TV.

Him, David, telling Goran what he would do if Josh walked out.

He felt his world disappeared from under his feet, and he couldn't
breathe.

Finally, Joshua switched off the video and turned to David. "I'm
ready," he said, maybe only a bit steadily. "Let's go."

"Okay." It was surprising that he could still speak.

As they walked out, Josh placed his head on David's shoulder. And
chuckled. David took a tentative breath.

"Oh Dave, you're such an idiot sometimes," Josh said, looking up
at his lover and smiling. "You know that? One blooming idiot."

David breathed.



Jude was shocked, to say the least, when he saw Seth waved the
video to his face. He hoped it wasn't what he suspected it was. It
was.

"Why should I leave you?" Seth asked, sounding very, very mad.

"Because you think me only a pretty face?" Jude squeaked.

Seth shook his head in disgust. "I always thought you'll be the
first to leave. Because of me not being pretty enough."

They both looked at the stupid video lying on the table between
them.

"I don't think I can find what I have with you with any pretty
guys. They all tend to behave like me, you know. Shallow, vain,
and utterly boring. I like funny, short, and stubby guys like you
better," Jude finally said.

"And you, I think you're funny." Seth tried to chuckle. "If I
leave, Jude, I'll let you know in advance."

"That's good to hear. Now let's get to Thomas' place and beat up
Goran."

"Good idea."



"All this for a earring?" Jesse Bradford asked wearily, dropping
the earring at Scott's feet. "Fuck it, man."

Scott looked at Jesse. "I know, it's stupid of me. I've been very
stupid recently."

Jesse tried not to smile in agreement. "Why do I bother with you,
sometimes I do wonder."

"So do I," Scott said under his breath, looking away.

Jesse heard that, unfortunately. "Okay, this is it. I've had
enough," he snapped, truly furious now. "Look at me, Scott. Tell
me you think you're not worthy of me. Say it and I'll walk away
now and never come back. You think I can't find anyone better than
you? Two months, Scott. Two fucking months I've put up with your
insecurity bullshit and whining. You know why I do that?"

He slammed his fist on the table, and Scott jumped. But the latter
never said a word.

"Because when you're not whining, you make my world worth living.
You make me smile, and hell, you make this life much better to
live in. I don't know what it is, your smile, your family, your
wit you try so hard to hide. But God help me, Scott, your
incessant pity party is driving me mad. So tell me you're not
worthy, and I'll walk out now. For good. SAY IT!"

"I'm sorry," Scott only said, hastily, almost tearfully. "I'm so
sorry, but Jesse, I - you're so wonderful and witty and beautiful
and I - " He bit back a sob. "I'm just a stupid fool."

"At the way you're behaving, I'd agree completely," Jesse said
ruthlessly. "I'm not watching you cry and whine, not now, not
ever, not when it's over some stupid bullshit. Come to me when
you're feeling better and let's hope I'm still there waiting."

"Jesse!"

But Scott's only answer was a hard slam of the door. Then Jesse
was gone.

What would he do when Jesse walked out?

"Jesse!" He would beg. He would definitely beg. He ran through the
door. "Jesse!"

Jesse turned, his normally mischief-streaked face a mask of pain
and eyes red with unshed tears and pent-up frustration.

Scott got on his knees and begged.



EPILOGUE

"Why are we getting so many gifts for our first month
anniversary?" Pierce asked out of curiosity one month later.
Actually, as he'd like to tell people, it was more of a year and a
month's anniversary, although he and Goran made it official only
last month.

"I don't know," Goran said, looking at the gifts. He looked at a
card that came with a waffle iron - from Jesse and Scott, printed
with the usual nice, banal greeting phrases, but underneath, Jesse
had scrawled in his untidy hand, `I will always owe you one,
Goran. Cheers, Jesse.'

What did you know, he had made some very good friends.

"Strange. I thought everyone considered you a pest," Pierce said.

"Yeah, strange." Goran carefully put aside the card and grinned.
It felt strange, these days, knowing he had committed himself to
Pierce, for better or worse. Sometimes it felt like a suffocating
trap with no escape clause, but Goran didn't care. He knew he made
the right choice, and well, if he hadn't, Pierce was making the
consequences worth the misstep.

He wondered if he should tell Pierce. Maybe it wasn't wise. maybe
it was, he thought, remembering the videos he'd made and finally
delivered back to the people he'd taped.

"Pierce, will it undermine my credibility if I tell you you're
right all along?"

"Hmm?" Pierce looked at Goran curiously. "What? That? Oh, I knew
it all along. I just thought I'd give you some time to catch up
with me."

Goran tossed the giant teddy bear Stephen and Ronan sent them to
Pierce, who laughed. He was still laughing when Goran decided to
silence him with a kiss.