THE GENTLEMEN'S CLUB Russo Written by Lady Poetess egiggles at moose-mail.com /~bbp Please do not reproduce on any website without permission. This story has no resemblance to anyone dead or alive. ONE Giuseppe Litinsky never did change his name legally before he died. Andy Litinsky's uncle hated that name and made sure everyone in the family knew about it. Because Giuseppe was gorgeous, flirtatious, and could charm a coin from the most tight-fisted miser, everyone in the family good-naturedly listen to him. His mother, Andy's grandmother, passed away before Giuseppe grew up and learned the hard way that his name was a magnet to all the bullies in the world, and Andy's grandfather passed on even earlier. It still felt surreal that Giuseppe died here in this large house of his that overlooked the Pacific Rim. Winter made the magnificent view out the tall glass pane windows a bleak vision of loneliness. Andy had to turn away from the sight. Giuseppe often traveled on his business trips but when he returned to America for the holidays, he never failed to visit Andy's family. He would receive a warm welcome from the family that adopted him without reservation and during his visits he would draw out the other members of the Litinsky clan into visiting. Andy never realized how much of a glue that Giuseppe was to the family. His exuberance in living was infectious and he made them all come closer together under his solid and generous company. Andy could still hear Giuseppe's laughter in his mind as he touched the window pane. He had removed the dust from it, just as he had cleaned the house from top to bottom when he first arrived because he couldn't bear to see the house succumb to dirt and disuse. This was Giuseppe's house, it embodied his presence and housed his memories, and Andy wanted to keep it that way. A harsh sob escaped from his lips as he pressed his forehead against the wall and shut his eyes tight in pain. Giuseppe had called Andy his favorite nephew. They had been close. Hell, it was Giuseppe who saw Andy come into the world when Giuseppe stayed by Andy's mother in the delivery room while Andy's father was trapped in a snowstorm and his plane couldn't make it in time. Giuseppe taught Andy how to play baseball and talked to Andy about the confusing process that growing up was. They had kept in close contact even when Giuseppe was at the other end of the world. And not once in the last few years did Giuseppe mention to Andy that the man was dying. "Andy, don't cry. He won't want you to grief." Grief muted any shock he might have felt at hearing Sean "Dino" Faris's voice. His heart gave a painful throb as he felt the barely contained anguish in Dino's voice as if it came from the depths of his soul. "Let me guess, John told you where to find me," he said, not looking up or opening his eyes. "Actually, John did, along with Katrina, Troy, Brian, Pamela, Kwame, Gabe, Heidi, Ivana, Bill, and Amy," Dino said and Andy could picture the man's wry smile in his mind. "They all want me to find you and make sure that you are okay." "Funny, we're over, remember?" Andy reminded him. "I don't think you have any claim on me any more." "No, you broke it off," Dino corrected him. "You know I will try to change your mind. I. fu - I mean, I'm sorry, Andy. This is not a time for me to talk about us. I'm so sorry." He made a frustrated sound. "I need to know that you are okay, Andy." "I'm not a kid anymore," said Andy through gritted teeth. But he wasn't being fair to Dino. Dino just wanted to see that he was okay. "I'm okay," he said, not knowing whether that was a truth or a lie. "I just want some time alone." Dino hesitated. But he wasn't a fast-rising wealth manager and broker by being obtuse. He was well aware that his inability to control his protective instincts towards Andy was what finally drove Andy away. On his drive here, he had vowed that he would change and he would trust Andy to make his own decisions or fucking die trying. It would kill him to see Andy getting hurt but he knew he was wrong to try and protect Andy this way. Dino knew that now - he had to let Andy free if he wanted Andy to come back to him, as clich‚d as that sounded. But it was the hardest thing he had ever done to say to Andy, "You know you can find me if you need me for anything, Andy. I'll be staying at the motel in town." No, it was harder to walk away after a glance back revealed that Andy still hadn't moved from that position. "He didn't want to see me," Dino thought in bleak despair as his fingers tightened over the steering wheel of his car. Dear Jesus, if he had lost Andy for good because he was so fucking stupid. Back in the house, with Dino out of the house, Andy finally dared to open his eyes and looked at where Dino was standing earlier. Finally, he breathed and let the tears fall freely down his cheeks. TWO "Hi there Andy. By the time you are reading this, I am dead." How clich‚d, Andy thought as he pulled his knees close to his chin and resumed reading the letter he had found in Giuseppe's drawer. It was one of the few in a bundle marked "To: Andy". "Yeah, how clich‚d, I know." Andy laughed weakly despite the tears that were always threatening to fall. Just reading Giuseppe's words made him briefly forget that the man was gone and Andy's loneliness was cutting deep into his very bones, and Andy thanked Giuseppe silently. "I know you must be angry at me, kid. I hope that when I explain everything, you will understand. But that's not just why I am writing this. I love you, kid, and you are the son that I never had. You know that, right? You are always so cute and exuberant, I always feel that I have to watch you closely and make sure that you are okay." Yeah, Andy thought with a sigh. He didn't want to be even a little bitter at this moment as he should be grieving for Giuseppe rather than throwing a self-pity party for himself, but he had been spending every single moment of his life since he could walk on his own to be allowed a chance to do something on his own and be taken seriously. Being the baby of the family (even when he was actually a middle child) was a bane to his existence for as long as he can remember. His parents couldn't leave him alone well into his high school years no matter how hard he tried to put his foot down and he was teased mercilessly by his peers as a result. As he became older, he realized that while people might feel protectiveness over him, they rarely had genuine respect for him. To some, he was an overgrown Mommy's boy, for others, he lacked smarts and experience to be worth their time and company. Hell, the first girl he kissed and the first boy he slept with all did so because they felt sorry for him! When he realized what he had become, it was too late. Having been smothered by his family for so long, he lacked the experience to socialize well. Once he realized what an outcast he really was among his peers, his self- esteem took a huge beating. He once believed that he was really special. Now he only wondered if his parents' reassurance was another attempt to protect him from the truth that he might be lacking in some manner. He was once a fiery champion at debate, now he got tongue-tied and stammered whenever he was among strangers. Dino changed that in a wonderful moment in time. Andy was lost the moment he saw Dino in the hallway of the hospital that day, charming some crying kid into laughing just by making funny faces at that kid. His allergic reaction forgotten, he stared at Dino, his heart beating fast, and thought that this was a man that he would like to know better. Later, Dino would admit that even when Andy's right eye was swollen shut and there were rashes all over Andy, Dino thought Andy was the cutest guy he'd ever seen. Their subsequent dates were almost ridiculously perfect and when they finally had sex for the first time, Andy was hopelessly heads over heels infatuated with Dino. Even when they argue, Andy never once stopped feeling that they were meant for each other. When they graduated with business degrees and ended up working at rival firms, the element of playful competitiveness only spiced up their relationship. It was Dino's incorrigible gregarious and often impulsive nature against Andy's quiet, careful approach and until today, none of them had a clear idea of whose method was better. "It doesn't matter. Yeah, I'd love to be the one who's right, but Andy, it doesn't matter if you are right and I am wrong," said Dino that night as he kissed Andy's hand, his lips trembling slightly as they grazed Andy's skin like the caress of a moth's wing yet so heated like the kiss of the sun. "Because I love you, Andy, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." When Dino got down on one knee that night, how could things went so fucked-up after that? Andy could still hear in his mind, word by the word, the telephone conversation he overheard between Dino and John Willenborg when Dino thought that Andy was asleep after their energetic bout of lovemaking. "Yeah, so you'll tell Andy that, right?" Dino said, and Andy realized, with a sinking feeling in his stomach as the conversation continued, that Dino was talking about Andy's interest in investing some money in John's real estate ventures. "He doesn't know what he is doing so you have to be gentle with him," said Dino. Andy wanted to cry. If people kept saying that he didn't know what he was doing, how would he ever find out what he should be doing? Lying there in bed, he felt sick. He thought Dino was different from the others. He believed that Dino understood him - was that just his own delusion? He thought of Dino' gallant gestures and attentive affections and where he once saw romance, now he only saw suffocating protectiveness. It was hard, but he broke it off with Dino once the tears stopped falling and left with only his heart broken. Giuseppe's death at the heels of his leaving a man he thought was the real deal was a second blow to what was left of his heart that he nearly couldn't recover from. "I'll stop feeling sorry for myself tomorrow," he whispered aloud. "I will show them all..." With that, he let his tears fell and prayed for sleep to come. THREE "Fuck off! I'm not in the mood," Dino growled when he heard yet another asshole took the seat beside him. Hell, would these people leave him alone? He'd growled and sent six people away in the hour he had been here. What the hell, surely he wasn't the only guy they could try and pick up in this place? Yeah, he was a very cute guy, he knew that the moment he learned that he could smile and people would fall under his spell easily, but he was finding it ridiculous that he was attracting so much attention. "Don't you hear me?" he started to say when the man uttered a word to him. "Relax, pal, I'm just asking if you can remove your elbow from the menu," the man said. "Oh, sorry," said Dino as he felt heat rise to his face. He had tried to kick it but his habit of blushing when he was discomfited or embarrassed always remained. "I'm just pissed off, no offense." "You're a friend of Giuseppe's nephew?" the man asked. "People saw you driving up to that place and then down back here and in a town like this, people talk." "Let me guess. You guys have nothing better to do than to talk about strangers." Dino deliberately crushed the beer can in his hand. "Buzz off, old man, leave me alone. I'm not in the mood to be picked up." The other man laughed. "I'm not in the mood to pick anyone up either." He reached for the stein before him on the bar, deliberately letting Dino see the gold band on the man's ring finger. "I just want to order something for dinner." The man wasn't old, probably in his mid-forties, and he was handsome in a distinguished manner. The man was classy rather than cute, Dino thought. If he was still that guy who played the field and changed bed partners as often as he changed his shirt, he might be tempted to nail this man. But that was a lifetime ago, it seemed, because he now didn't care for meaningless relationships anymore. He'd once scoffed at the idea of sticking with one partner but after meeting Andy, he couldn't imagine going back to his old lifestyle. Sleeping with Andy still blew his mind every time he held his lover in his arms and gave Andy every pleasure their bodies could offer, he couldn't explain it. It wasn't just the act of pumping his dick in someone's ass until he came or the satisfaction he used to get from finally nailing someone who caught his eye. No, Andy was something else. With Andy, Dino felt light-hearted and content. Even that one time when they had a huge argument over what Andy called Dino's "high handedness" and Dino ended up sleeping on the couch, Dino still wanted Andy. He, who had never cried even when his father beat him until he was nearly unconscious, ended up sobbing that night because he was so afraid that he'd blew it and lost Andy for good. Andy cried with him and they ended up sleeping in each other's arms for the rest of that night. Watching as Andy snored softly in his arms, Dino realized at that moment with perfect clarity that he loved Andreas Malcolm Litinsky. Dino, who hadn't expected to feel capable of love, was in love with Andy. Until today, he still felt his heart beat faster as he recalled that moment when he came to his epiphany. But he fucked up. Dino didn't understand how, but he fucked up bad and lost Andy again. What did he do wrong? He wanted to take care of Andy like he took care of his mother and his siblings from his father's drunken abusive ways. Once, a shrink that Dino had a brief fling with told Dino that underneath Dino's confident fa‡ade was a lonely boy who had never gotten over his childhood and Dino was a control freak who wanted to control the lives of the people around him so that they would never hurt him the way his father did. Because those words were flung bitterly to Dino during their less-than-pleasant break-up, Dino didn't take the shrink seriously. Yet, the lonely little boy in Dino needed someone to talk to, and that was how Dino ended up spending the rest of the night telling Pierce Brosnan his story. "Hi, Pierce," Andy said as he looked up from his gardening. He saw the man with Pierce and hesitated. "Hello, Dino," he said to the man who happened to drop by at the same time as Pierce. Both Pierce and Dino looked surprised to see the other, although there was no doubt in Andy's mind that those two at least a casual familiarity with each other. If Andy still had any claim over Dino, he would be jealous. But he wasn't jealous, he told himself, ignoring the wrenching feeling in his heart. He didn't have to remind himself that Pierce was known to be faithful to his partner to calm the tumultuous fires of doubt in his heart. He also didn't want to remember how Dino could become so obsessed, so devoted to Andy - like a man who hadn't just fall in love with Andy like Dino said, but a man who had also sold his soul to Andy - to kill off the last of his paranoia. Dino's first instinct was to take the shovel from Andy and finish the digging for Andy but he stopped himself, knowing that Andy wouldn't appreciate the gesture. "You know Pierce, Andy?" he asked instead, pushing his hands into his pockets to prevent them from doing something stupid, right reaching out to cup Andy's cheeks for him to kiss the man senseless. "Yeah, everyone knows Pierce. He is the local millionaire," Andy said. "You don't grow up here without knowing Pierce." "Oh come on," said Pierce modestly. "I'm no hero. I just did well, that's all." He looked at the house. "I'm sorry about Guiseppe, Andy." "Thank you." Andy looked at the house, lost in his thoughts. "Were you here when he.?" Pierce shook his head. "I'm sorry but we weren't really close, although he had taken some loans from me before. I came back to deliver this though." He reached into the left pocket in his jeans and pulled out a small gift-wrapped box. "He emailed me a few weeks back and asked me to deliver this to the person in this house today." He smiled sadly at Andy. "I'm glad that it's you. I know you're his favorite nephew. He once said that you were the son he had always wanted." Andy bit his lower lip and nodded. "Thanks," he said shakily as he took the box. "Well, I have to go," said Pierce as he watched helplessly at Andy trying to control his emotions. "Look, if you need anything - " "No, but thank you so much," said Andy. Dino couldn't just stand there anymore. He had to put his arms around Andy, protecting the man with his muscular embrace and wishing that he had the power to stop Andy from being hurt further. He nodded to Pierce, telling the man silently that he would take care of Andy, and then the rest of the world was forgotten as he rubbed his left hand soothingly along Andy's back and let the man's tears soak the front of his shirt. When Andy felt tears soaking his hair, he looked up and sighed at the sight of Dino's reddened eyes. "I'm sorry, Andy," Dino said, his voice trembling as he tried to control his emotions. "I tried, but I can't bear it when you are hurting." "I know." He didn't want to lie and pretend anymore, so Andy took a deep breath and smiled weakly at Dino. "That's why I love you, Dino." "I love you so much, Andy," Dino said with a sob. "It's like I can't breathe anymore when you told me that we were over. You love me, right? Then take me back, Andy, please. I will change. I will give you space like you wanted. Just take me back, Andy, I beg you!" Poor Dino. The man was so cocksure and confident that he would never be a victim of love, but once he fell, he embraced the feeling with abandon and never stopped loving Andy even when Andy wondered what he did to deserve such undying devotion. But watching Dino now needing him as badly as Andy needed the man and understanding clearly that they completed each other like no one else could, Andy realized that he couldn't breathe when Dino was not in life either. "I love you, Dino," Andy said again, this time in a more confident tone. "I love you so much," he said as Dino watched him closely, hope making the man's eyes a vivid deep green and gracing that beautiful face with a smile borned of bliss. "And I think we shouldn't be alone again." FOUR Dino made love to Andy in Giuseppe's beloved garden. Andy closed his eyes in pain as well as pleasure as Dino tenderly penetrated Andy deep inside with his cock. "Don't be gentle," he whispered to Dino when the man licked and suckled Andy's right nipple with a tenderness that drove Andy insane with need. And Dino wasn't. Andy's fingers clawed at Dino's shirt spread out under him as Dino proceeded to fuck Andy with the savage finesse that had Andy crying out in ecstasy as his body convulsed into violent shudders of pleasure even when Dino was barely started. Only when the winter winds grew chilly as evening fell did Dino gently lifted Andy in his arms and laughed as he carried his lover into the house. A shower turned into a teasing groping session before they made love one more time on the bed. A few months ago, after the first few times they had sex, Andy asked out of curiosity how many lovers Dino had had in his life. Dino answered honestly that he couldn't keep count even if he wanted to. "How can I expect you to be faithful to me?" Andy asked when Dino told him that he'd never hurt Andy. "Because with them, I only fucked," Dino told Andy. "I didn't know what it is like to fuck someone I love until I fucked you, Andy. Yeah, I love you. Now, how about giving my cock a nice long suck so that I can fuck you some more?" That was the first time he told Andy that he loved that man. Dino ruefully admitted that he should have probably declared his love in a more romantic manner. But romance was something new to him, like love, because he wasn't familiar with such concepts. He could flirt and seduce but he was awkward with courtship and romance. He became too protective, too possessive, or too jealous sometimes, and only recently could he finally bring himself not to get paranoid when Andy smiled at another man or when Andy came home late after a hard day at work. Sometimes he couldn't control his emotions, especially when they seemed to become so attuned, and he was often struck with panic at the oddest instances during the day when he agonized over the possibility of Andy leaving him when Andy discovered Dino's darkest secrets. That night when he was telling Pierce how much he was dying inside after Andy left him, Pierce asked Dino whether Dino wanted to stop loving Andy. "Never!" Dino said without hesitation. "I just want a way to stop this," he tried to explain to Pierce. "I don't know how to stop this, man, I mean, I love that man so much but I don't know how to give him space like he wanted me to. He is so kind and sweet, Pierce, and he believes people too easily. The world is filled with fuckers who will hurt him if I don't protect him." "I can tell you this, Dino," said Pierce kindly. "The kind of love you offer, it sounds like something I cannot live with if I am Andy. It's suffocating. I'm sure you mean well, Dino, but if you want to take over Andy's life and do everything for him, that isn't love, that is... I don't know, Dino, but it sounds like you want Andy to stop completely in being a person." "Giuseppe had an affair," Andy told Dino, interrupting his thoughts, as they cuddled in bed at the aftermath of their passion. "He was madly in love with this man and he didn't dare show it to anyone because he was afraid that we would hate him if he came out and told us that he was gay." Dino picked up the letter Andy had placed on the bedside table. I worshipped his body with my touch, my being, and my heart. He begged me to run away with him to a place where no one would know me and we could live openly without fear. But how could I? I have seen my friends living alone once they came out because their families and friends didn't want them anymore. Love won't last, I thought then, and once these relationships were done with, I would end up alone, without anyone in my life. I told him that he should stop saying such insane shit and let us be the way we were. I am ashamed to say that I even told him that if he loved me, he would not pressure me into making such decisions. And because he loved me, he stopped and allowed me to treat him and his love for me like dirty secrets in my closet. Dino put down the letter and switched off the lamp at the bedside table. He didn't want Andy to see the discomfort on his face as he saw so much of himself in Giuseppe's manipulation of his lover. "So what happened?" Dino asked Andy, his fingers lazily playing with a strand of Andy's hair. No, he wouldn't allow Andy to suffer any more from Dino's mistakes. They would have a happy ending. "This lover died. Giuseppe didn't mention any details, just that the man died and Giuseppe regretted never finding the courage to love him freely. Giuseppe mentioned in his letter that he pretty much stopped living after that. When the doctors told him that he had advanced cancer and he had only a few more months to live, he was actually relieved," said Andy. "He said that he would be together with him again and this time he would do things right. And they would live happily ever after." Andy brushed away at his eyes. "Oh, Dino, poor Giuseppe. he should have told me or anyone else something. It is not right that he went into a self-imposed exile to die alone like that." "I don't think he was alone," Dino said after a momentary hesitation. "I think." "That's sweet of you." Andy closed his eyes and rested his cheek on Dino's chest, lulled into a sanguine silence by the rhythm of Dino's beating heart. "You're a beautiful man, Dino, and you're so sweet to me. But why do you have to treat me like a kid just like everyone else? Why can't you trust me?" "I'm sorry," Dino whispered. He would apologize for the rest of his life if that would make Andy happy. "I thought I was taking care of you, Andy. I'm so sorry." "I should be sorry too. I overreacted. I was so angry when I heard that you were telling John how to help me do my work. I spent my whole life fighting with my parents and teachers to prove that I was not some weak and helpless rich kid who needed them to tell me what to do. Would you believe that my father wanted me to work for him? Work, hah! If I worked for him, he'd put me to some harmless duty like making coffee for him and everyone would laugh at me." Andy cleared his throat and the inelegant noise earned him soft chuckles from Dino. "When you behaved just like everyone else, I got angry and I couldn't think. I'm sorry too, Dino." He kissed the tip of Dino's nose tenderly. "Just give me some breathing space, that's all I ask, because I want to be with you, not to be babysat by you, okay?" Dino nodded. "Anything, Andy. All you have to do is ask." "Oh, and this," Andy said, reaching for the box Pierce had passed to him at the bedside table. He opened the box to show Dino what was inside: a simple but elegant ring with a small diamond that glittered in the dim light of the room. "Giuseppe said that he wanted me to put to good use this ring that he had bought for his lover. Dino, will you wear it for me?" Dino kissed the ring and placed it on his ring finger. It fit perfectly and melted the last icy shards of his heart. "Forever," he whispered and leaned forward to kiss Andy in the lips.