Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Sometimes I think that my life sucks because I'm poor compared to most of
the people I know, but then something happens that makes me think that I'm
doing just fine, and that luck and timing are more important than money.

   Discretion is important too, so I'm not going to name names here, but if
you've been halfway paying attention to the celebrity scene you should be
able to figure out who I'm talking about.

   Anyway, there's this young starlet who did a non-graphic sex scene in an
otherwise forgettable movie where this guy -- a famous actor, easily twice
her age -- performs oral sex on her.  Nothing shows, you just see her bare
thighs from the side and the top of his head in her crotch, but her
reactions are so good that it makes you wonder whether she was acting or if
he was really eating her out on camera.  If it was a porn film that would
be no big deal, but in a mainstream, big-budget flick it definitely is a
big deal, and that scene caused a bit of a buzz.

   Not too long after this movie came out and the buzz was still going,
there was a fundraising dinner -- at the Tam O'Shanter Inn, if you can
believe that -- for a cause that this young starlet believes in.  The deal
was that for $1,000 you could be one of a select group (the room held about
50) to have dinner with the young starlet and some of her equally notorious
girlfriends.

   Thousand-dollar dinners are way out of my league but they're just
another business expense for some people, including a friend of mine I'll
call Kevin.  Kevin's a publicist, and it's his business to support events
like this so that people will show up when he throws a bash of his own. 
He's a busy guy -- there are lots of parties in L.A.  -- and though he
bought the ticket he couldn't make it to the little soirée at the Tam, so
he gave it to me and told me I was representing his company, so behave.

   A free meal and the opportunity to rub elbows with the Starlet and her
friends sounded good to me, so I put on a sport coat and headed out to the
Tam one Saturday night.  I'd never been there, and it's sure not the kind
of place I'd expect the starlet and her friends to hang out, but there they
were, picking at their roast duck and creamed spinach at the head table and
sucking down lots of Rombauer Chardonnay and Twomey Merlot, which is
definitely not what the rest of us were drinking.

   Well, there was a brief speech and this guy stood up and thanked
everybody for coming and blah blah blah, and as part of his patter he
kiddingly asked the Starlet whether she was acting or reacting in that
scene, and she just laughed and said that when is comes to faking orgasms
all women are actresses.

   That got a big laugh out of the crowd, and one guy -- another actor, a
comedian who has starred in plenty of movies -- said that he'd pay another
thousand bucks for the chance to reenact that scene with her.  That got
another big laugh and a chorus of "Me too!" and "I'll second that!" and
similar comments.

   The Starlet leaned over and said something to one of her friends, then
she got up and walked, semi-staggering, over to the comedian, sat on his
table and spun around to face him so he could get a good view up her little
black dress and said "Put your mouth where your money is!"

   I don't know if she was expecting him to call her bluff, but he just
handed his gold card to the bug-eyed waiter who was standing next to him,
pushed her dress up over her hips (if you've seen the photos on the
Internet, you already know that the Starlet and her friends are famous for
not wearing underwear), and commenced giving her a real good licking.  She
just laughed and made some stage moans and groans, but as the comedian
worked on her the color eventually came into her chest, neck and face and
she wasn't making jokes anymore.  She finally made some orgasmic noises --
just like she did in the movie -- and the comedian came up from between her
legs, looking very pleased with himself.  She laughed and said "I should
get an Oscar for that!" and mostly everybody laughed along with her, except
for her publicist who was running around swatting people's cell phone
cameras and trying to figure how to get her the hell out of there.

   She wouldn't be leaving anytime soon though, because as the comedian was
licking his way through his dessert about 10 other guys had given the same
waiter their charge cards and donated another tax-deductible grand each to
the cause for the chance to lick some famous pussy and to see if they could
make the Starlet quit acting and have a real, no-laughing orgasm.

   And after about the third guy, she definitely wasn't acting anymore.  By
that time the little black dress was completely off and she was completely
naked except for her pearl necklace, her eyes closed and her back arched as
she had orgasm after shuddering orgasm, and the next donor settled into the
chair for his turn.

   By this time her publicist had completely given up, and was sitting at a
nearby table with his head in his hands.  But even he perked up when one of
her girlfriends came over to the table and handed the waiter her Visa.

   After she got her card back, the friend climbed up on the table with the
Starlet and started making love to her, plain and simple.  She kissed her
on her neck and mouth, while her right hand caressed all the curves of the
Starlet's body, squeezed her nipples and lightly stroked her glistening
pussy.  The room was absolutely silent as everyone watched the friend's
performance -- and a performance it was, as she was tailoring her actions
not only for the benefit of the Starlet, but for what would arouse the
crowd most.  The sexual tension in the room rose as the friend nibbled her
way down the Starlet's body, and her lips and tongue finally arrived at an
eager, swollen clitoris.

   Being a woman herself, the friend knew just what to do to bring the
Starlet to a major climax highlighted with dozens of involuntary spasms and
screams, and she followed up the Starlet's orgasms with one of her own, as
she stood, shuddering, in front of the table with her hands under her
dress, her eyes closed, her head tilted back, her mouth open.  I noticed
quite a few men adjusting themselves, and one guy went so far as to take
his member out and masturbate into a napkin.  After he finished he zipped
up, downed his glass of wine, and on his way out dropped the napkin on the
tray that a cute little redheaded waitress in a kilt and knee socks was
holding.  The look on her face was priceless.

   After the girlfriend's performance everything else was, excuse the pun,
anticlimactic.  After he had a few more drinks the Starlet's publicist got
into the act, and told her just to take the thousand bucks out of his
paycheck.  He got her off pretty good too, and while she was still
recovering from the orgasm he gave her he jokingly (I think) said "So, how
about that raise?" She smiled weakly, and said "We'll talk."

   Now, I don't have a thousand bucks to my name, but I do know waiters,
and I talk to them like equals -- which we are, since I'm a waiter too --
and not as serfs, like so many jerks with money seem compelled to do. 
While the Starlet was being serviced by her publicist, I sidled over to the
waiter who had been running the charges and handed him all the cash I had
in my wallet, which was $32.  "I don't have a grand," I told the waiter,
"but is this enough to get in a few licks?" He just smiled, put the money
in his pocket, and said "Take as long as you like, and give her a lick for
me."

   And then it was my turn.  Being a gentleman, I introduced myself to her
before I started, and she smiled and said "Pleased to meet you!" Then I
started kissing her, and as our tongues found each other I lightly stroked
her famous body, feeling her react to my touch.  I slowly worked my way
down as her girlfriend had done, taking time to suck each of her nipples
and feel them stiffen between my lips.

   When my face finally arrived at her beautiful, fragrant, shaved pussy,
she eagerly thrust it at me and I started to lick, lightly and teasingly at
first, occasionally giving her clit a nibble with my lips or a flick with
my tongue.  As she started to moan I began licking in earnest, and started
finger-fucking her with two fingers.  As she came to a screaming, bucking
climax I stuck a third finger into her perfect pink asshole, and her next
thrust sucked it in past the second knuckle.  And at just that time I came
in my pants, something I hadn't done since I was about 12.

   After she came back to earth from the massive orgasm I gave her, I
kissed her on the lips so she could smell and taste her own juices on my
beard and mustache.  She liked it, and she liked me, too.  "No more," she
said, slipping off the table and recovering her dress.  "Nothing can top
that."

   She put on her dress and was on her way out with her now very calm
publicist and her friends when she turned, winked at me and blew me a kiss.
I felt like a rich man -- and I will be, just as soon as I find someone to
sell this story to.