The Passion of Erika Christensen Chapter 2: Riding the Bull an erotic tale by AchtungNight. Celebs: Erika Christensen, Benicio del Toro. Codes: MF, oral, anal, interracial, cons. Disclaimer: This story contains graphic sexual situations and adult themes and is therefore not suitable for those under age 18 or the close-minded. It may be illegal in some areas too. :( Please also note that it is not a true story, instead merely a fantasy. Real events may be referenced and real names, likenesses, and other personal details of celebrities and other real people may be part of the story- however they are used in a fictional manner styled to the author's liking that may be satirical at times. The author has never met any of the celebrities used herein, so he has no way of knowing if they really act the way they do in the story, and is confident that they probably don't. One hopes that these facts do not keep you, the reader, from enjoying the story. Acknowledgements: Thanks as usual to all who have aided in the creation of this story, even those who have done so without knowing it. Thanks also to those who maintain sites for stories like this, and to all those who write them, read them, and otherwise keep them alive. Thanks especially goes out to those who have sent this author feedback. If after reading this story you desire to do the same, please email feedback to me at the address in my profile (DougElder21@yahoo.com). All feedback, with the exception of flames and spam, will be answered and appreciated. I hope you like this story. If not, please tell me why you didn't so I may learn of my mistakes. Copyright: This story is my creation. All other stories which are referenced or otherwise paid homage herein belong to their respective creators. This story may be posted anywhere on the Internet that is free to access and has my permission- please email me for such. The inclusion of this disclaimer and proper credit will be all that I ask. Notes: This tale is the direct sequel to Chapter 1 of the series, and another step on Erika's journey through life. Hope you enjoy it. Special thanks to Kendo1 for editing help. -AN *********************************** The Passion of Erika Christensen Chapter 2: Riding the Bull October 2003. London, England. "Your move." Erika Christensen frowned, looking at her friend Alicia Witt. The two of them were different, physically and in personality. Alicia had short crimson hair, whereas Erika's was longer and reddish-blonde. Alicia was tall and slim, Erika was lush and of medium height. Alicia seemed smarter to most, while Erika had wisdom. Despite these differences, the girls were both actresses, and had enough interests in common to be close friends. "Come on, move." Erika blinked her blue eyes, looking into Alicia's brown ones and then down at the chessboard on the table between them. One of Alicia's knights was a few squares closer to her king now, and not many pieces were left to defend the royal personage. They had been playing for almost an hour, and as usual Alicia was winning. She's better at this game than me, Erika thought. She can think several moves ahead, whereas I've always had trouble with that. They say chess is like life, that similar strategies apply. That's somewhat true. It surely frustrates me just as much as everything else does. "Your turn, Erika." She shook her head and looked around them, trying to find some hint as to what she should do next. Inside Out, their favorite London club, wasn't too crowded at the moment. It was only early evening, and though all kinds of people were on the paved dance floor and around the bar that resembled an outdoor cafe, the amount of activity was low. Well, at least everyone seems to be enjoying themselves, Erika thought. That's good. The place will get busy later. At least it better, or this day off from filming our movie is gonna stay boring as hell. "Hey! Erika!" She turned back to Alicia, then frowned as she realized her opponent had not spoken. The redhead pointed to the right, and Erika turned again to see another young actress standing there. Evan Rachel Wood's creamy face was flushed with joy, her pale blonde hair shining in the room's flourescent lights. Like Erika and Alicia, she was dressed in casual clothes. Evan's been out roaming the dance floor and enjoying herself, Erika recalled. Our other friend Keri's also off enjoying herself tonight. She's with that guy of hers who came to visit. I chatted with Tony a little earlier today, he's a nice and handsome man. I'd love to get with him. He seems pretty exclusive to Keri, but I'm sure that's not really the case considering what kind of person she is. Once they've had enough alone time, I should be easily able to get something set up with them before he goes back to New York. "Hey, Evan," she said, trying to concentrate on the present. "What's going on?" "I met him again!" Evan beamed. "Jamie Bell! He was just here!" "Well, where is he?" Alicia asked, looking around. "You didn't bring him back here to introduce us?" Erika nodded in agreement, thinking of the young British actor with whom their friend had recently become infatuated. She smiled, out of happiness for Evan and little else. The young girl shook her head. "He just dropped in for a drink before going off to a rehearsal. I talked to him, though, and I got his number. He's free tomorrow night, so we're going out." "That's great, Evan!" Erika said. She knew Evan had been hoping to meet her crush again for a number of weeks now, and been disappointed every time they came back into Inside Out and found him not there. But, just as they'd all hoped, things now seemed to have been corrected. "What do you have planned?" Evan shrugged, sitting down in the third chair at the table. "He said he'd take me to see a play, then maybe we'd have dinner. You know, the typical date stuff. Then, well, I was thinking after that..." She trailed off and grinned. Alicia frowned, looking at Erika. Oh no, Erika thought, guessing what was going on. Their young friend had a small problem with overenthusiasm, and on top of that, Evan had not had much experience with guys despite a lot of time on the dating and Hollywood scene. She's thinking too fast again, Erika thought. Damn it, we've been trying to break her of that habit. Alicia and I have been with a lot of guys, and we know what can happen if you mess up the pace of a relationship. Evan doesn't seem to, even though she should. We better talk some sense into her. Wish Keri were here to help. She quickly moved her bishop, just to get the chess game off her mind, then turned back to Evan. "Um, Evan, are you thinking what I think you're thinking?" The look she gave the young girl left no doubt as to what Erika meant. "Yeah!" Evan said. "Why not? I like Jamie, and I know he likes me. I've been waiting so long to get with a guy, and now I've met one who's cute and funny and..." "Evan, whoa!" Alicia cut her off. "I understand how you feel. When I first thought I was ready to lose my virginity, I was a bit like that too. Of course, I was thirteen at the time and you're older, so..." "I'm more than old enough, Alicia. So's he. Don't worry, we'll be fine. We're going to have such fun with this." "Evan," Erika snapped, and the other actress turned to face her. "Alicia's right. Going all the way on the first date is a bad idea." "What do you mean?" Evan frowned. "I like this guy!" "You've only met him twice," Alicia gently reminded her. "But I've seen all his movies! He's great! And he likes me." She sighed. "And I know I really shouldn't point this out, but I got with both of you and Keri on the first day we met, and it's been fine so far. What's the problem?" Erika grimaced at Alicia, who shook her head. I should have seen this coming, Erika thought. We moved too fast, and now Evan's thinking she's on a lucky streak or something. It doesn't help that the character she's playing in our film is really frustrating her. Damn it, how do I talk her out of this stupid idea? "Evan," Alicia said, "are you sure he's ready?" "I think so. I flirted with him a little, and he seems interested in me. I haven't told him straight out what I want, not yet, but... I know I'm ready. I've been ready!" "Are you certain of that?" "Oh yeah. My cherry's gone, there won't be that much pain. He's real nice, I know he won't hurt me. I'm sure Doug will give us protection and the proper venue." Evan flashed a grin towards the club manager, who was looking a bit flabbergasted as he regarded them from behind the nearby bar. Listening in on us as usual, I see, Erika thought, rolling her eyes slightly at the well-dressed brownhaired man. Oh well, I shouldn't be offended. Doug's the warm respectful type of celebrity fan, not the seriously obsessed dangerous type. I played that latter type of fan in a movie once, I can tell the difference. It's not surprising that Evan thinks he can help her get with Jamie. His club is a haven for swingers like us- he got into the lifestyle while he was in college back in the States- and Doug's a friend of ours too. But even his good nature has its limits. She gave him a look that said "I'll take care of this, don't worry," then turned back to Evan. "Evan, calm down. Think about what you're saying here. Back when you were on Once & Again, didn't they do an episode or two about this?" Evan grimaced. "Yeah, for people who aren't as smart about it as we're going to be. What's the problem? It's just sex!" "Listen to yourself," Alicia said. "You're forgetting all the failed relationships you've had that you've complained to us about. Not to mention the ones we've had about which we've told you." "But those weren't like this! This will go right. It has to." Alicia started to reply, but Erika waved the redhead to silence. She'd been composing her thoughts, and had an idea. "Evan, sex is never 'just sex.' You can't treat it that way. If you do, you're making a mistake." "You're right," Evan said, calming a little. She waved her hand. "This won't just be sex. It will be something special. I'm finally getting with a guy, and it's Jamie, and..." "Stop," Erika said. She reached out and took Evan's hand. "Look, I know how you feel, okay? I've been that eager sometimes myself. I always have to tell myself to wait, take it slow. It's better that way." "Yeah, everyone says that, but..." "Trust me," Erika said. Alicia looked about to add something, and again Erika stopped her old friend with a wave. "Look, a while back you wanted to know how I got into swinging. I didn't tell you then, but I think I should now. Will you listen?" "Sure," Evan grinned, huddling closer. She smiled at the two of them. "What happened?" "I'd like to hear this too," Alicia said. "When I met you, you were already pretty into it. You bar-hopped as much as I did, even though you don't drink, and you took home nearly as many guys. I was a little confused about it, but then I considered how we met and shrugged it off. That's why I've never really asked you about it." Erika gave them each a smile, then began her story. "Well, it all started in a place very much like this." *** Febuary 2001. Los Angeles, CA. "Hey there. Can I buy you a drink?" Erika frowned as she recognized the voice. "John?" She turned to see a tall, darkhaired, and deeply tanned man flashing a familiar grin at her. "John Travolta?" The veteran actor blanched, staring at her. "Erika. I didn't recognize you." "Obviously," Erika said. She had been coming to this club, Tech Noir, and places like it a lot recently- ever since breaking up with her boyfriend Mark a few months ago, she had felt a bit depressed. Her life also had other disappointments that weren't helping. A key one was that despite her recent success in the Oscar-nominated film Traffic, Erika's career had gone into something of a downturn. The fact that many random people were starting to notice her due to that film and make advances in which she really wasn't interested had been bothering her too. "Were you trying to pick me up just now?" John blinked, then shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, I was. Sorry, I didn't..." "It's okay," Erika interrupted, chuckling. Her family had known John's for many years, and in the past he'd been like a favorite uncle to her. They had much in common, and he had given her some good advice when she first got into acting as a teenager and started to hit it big in TV roles. They hadn't seen each other in several months, though, not since the premiere of John's last big film. Erika had gone to the movie thinking it would be great, since it was based on one of her favorite novels, but had barely been able to sit through it in its entirety. She'd talked to several of the other audience members after doing so, and they'd pretty much all agreed. Few of them wanted to tell John their thoughts, though, as they all knew how much work he had put into producing and starring in the movie. Erika had not heard much of John since, and his presence here was confusing her. "It's been a while since I've seen you. How you been?" "I'm fine," John shrugged, sitting down at the bar beside her. "Just dealing with stuff. You know how it is." Erika nodded. "Are you and Kelly on the rocks again?" To the public eye, John Travolta seemed to have a happy loving marriage, but as his friend, Erika knew it wasn't always like that. In the past she had heard rumors that John sometimes cruised bars, dancing and hanging out. His career's in limbo right now too, Erika mused. So of course he'd be trying to combat depression like I am by doing fun things. I wonder if it's working out any better for him than it is for me. "We're fine," John repeated, shaking his head. "We're just taking a breather right now. You heard about the Razzies, right?" "Yeah," Erika said, guessing what was on his mind. Time to tell him my opinion, she decided. "I'm sorry. But hey, it could have been worse. You could have gotten Uwe Boll to direct the film or something. That would have made things really bad. As it was..." "Please stop that," John broke in. "I've been hearing it from people left and right. I know I made a big mistake. I just thought that was the part I was born to play, the movie I was born to do, and then... everyone hated it." He sighed and hung his head. Console him, Erika thought. He'll listen to you. Just tell him your honest opinion. "John, you've been in a lot of great movies. Pulp Fiction, Face Off, Grease, Michael... and you think Battlefield Earth was your best role? Seriously?" John raised his eyebrows, staring at her. "You're right, but..." "You've faced downward spirals like this before," Erika went on. "We've talked about them. You told me I might have to learn to deal with them. Recently I've been motivated to do that. You remember how you told me you were typecast as a disco dancer?" "Yeah. I liked that role, but to do the same thing over and over..." "I know how you feel. Right now I'm getting offered tons of scripts that have me as a stripper, or a drug addict, or something similar. I just did that role, I don't want to get in a rut with it. That's why I went back to TV." "Yeah, you're working with Geena Davis. Her latest project's about to bomb." "It might, it might not," Erika shrugged. "Geena doesn't think it will- it's doing pretty good right now." "Erika, everything that woman gets into fails. It doesn't matter how well she acts, how many awards she wins, or what sort of great script she's given. The public just doesn't flock to her. She was big back in the day, but now..." "I know, John! But she's still one of my idols. She's a great person. Geena's been like a mentor to me." "Right. I get that. I understand why you'd want to apprentice yourself to a veteran in our field for a while- you just had your first big success. I just think, with Geena, well, maybe you're making a mistake." Better change the subject, Erika thought. He's getting off track. "John, this isn't about me or Geena. Why are you here?" "You know why I'm here." "Does Kelly know you're out trying to pick up girls? She doesn't know, does she?" John grimaced, then smirked. "Erika, I have to be here, okay? I need to clear my mind. My career's in the shitter again, and it's all my fault. No one understands. I..." "John!" Erika glared at him. Damn it, she thought to herself, how did I get into this? I'm not an auditor, and I rarely talk to them because they don't get me. I prefer to think about things my own way, settle my own problems. I've usually been able to do that. I'm not sure how clear I really am, though, even with all the classes I've taken. My fears and bad memories still often bother me, even though I don't have that many of them. It's been especially bad in recent months- I've been disappointed with my life and nothing is getting me out of it. No amount of rationalization works. I can't solve my problems, and neither can anyone else. And John wants me to help him? I guess so, she thought. Alright, try your best. And hurry. He's staring funny at you! "Does Kelly know you're here?" Erika asked again, trying to keep a level tone. John paused, grimacing, then shrugged. "Yeah, she knows. She's the one who told me to go out and try to pick a girl up. She knows that usually helps me when I'm like this, especially when it works." Erika gaped at his tone. She didn't think he was lying, but... "John, if this is some ploy..." "Call her," John suggested, taking a cell phone out of his pocket. "She's out doing the same thing I'm doing right now. We got a friend babysitting the kids. Trust me, Erika. I'm not lying to you, okay?" Erika frowned. She wanted to believe him, but... play along, she thought. John's been drinking, you can smell it on his breath. It's probably motivating him to be an idiot. She shrugged and took the phone, then keyed in the number John gave her. "Kelly Preston," a familiar voice answered after two rings. Erika blinked, then decided to be direct. "Kelly, it's Erika. I'm in this bar called Tech Noir on Pico. You know, the place where they filmed Terminator?" "Yeah, I know it. What's going on?" Damn it, Erika thought. She sounds relaxed. Does she know what her husband's doing? I hate to tell her, but... "John's here. He's been drinking. He just tried to pick me up. He said that..." "Erika, whoa!" Kelly interrupted. "Calm down. Did he tell you where I am right now?" Erika felt herself shocked again. "Uh, no." "Sapphic Rock." The sincerity in Kelly's tone made Erika's heart leap. "That's a lesbian..." "I know. I'm secretly in Clear Rainbow. John and I have an open marriage. Please don't tell anyone, okay? With all the trouble John's had over not being gay..." "I won't!" Erika exclaimed, looking at John. He grinned and raised his glass of bourbon, a trademark gesture from his films. Oh my God, Erika thought. I suspected this, it makes a kind of sense, but it's just so... Stop it, Erika. You know about open marriages and swinging. You got into watching Sex and the City when you got the part on Geena's show, and you became a big fan. You've read the book that inspired the series cover to cover many times. The Ethical Slut too. You really shouldn't be surprised to see this. "I swear, Kelly," she calmed down, looking around. No one seemed to be noticing her or John, and she felt relieved. "I swear I will not tell anyone." "Thank you," Kelly sighed. "You have to understand, Erika. My family is my first priority. John and I let a dumb idea come before that, and it's really hurting us right now, and... we just need a break from each other every now and then. I got into swinging after I divorced Kevin, when I was with Charlie. I stopped when I broke up with him, but then I started dating John and he was into it, had been for years, and... I went back." "You don't have to explain, Kelly," Erika said, frowning at John as he sipped his drink. Damn it, I gotta get out of this right now. "I... I really don't care." "Sorry," Kelly replied. "It's just usually when I try to explain this to people who know us..." She paused. "Look, Erika, if you want to get with John, it's okay with me. Have fun. Enjoy yourself. Just remember he'll come back to me when it's all over." Erika stared at herself in the mirror behind the bar, unable to believe what she was hearing. Oh my God, she thought. I gotta get out of here fast! "Uh, no, Kelly, that's alright. I'm really not interested in John. No offense. I'm sure he'll find someone. Good luck to you both. Bye now." She pressed the phone's hangup button and dropped it on the bar. John turned to her and frowned, taking in her words. "Uh, listen, Erika, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I..." Erika glared at him, making a shushing gesture. Her face was red as she hopped to her feet, her heart hammering in her chest. "Shut up," she snapped. "Just shut up. Like I said, good luck. Bye." Her shoes clicking on the floor, she hurried out of the club. *** October 2003. London, England. "I'm confused here," Alicia frowned at Erika. "You turned down John Travolta?" "I'm confused too," Evan said. "Jamie's not married. What are you trying to tell me?" "I'm just trying to tell you how I was feeling back then," Erika said. "And what I learned." She sighed and waved at Doug, thinking some drinks would probably help right now. "Before I met John that night, I had had a lot of guys I didn't know come up to me in clubs and try to pick me up. I hated it. I wasn't going to clubs to meet guys. I was just trying to get over my depression, have some fun dancing and hanging out. But then..." "You bumped into John," Alicia said. "And he made you realize some of those guys were just as down as you were. That helped you. Am I right?" "Yes," Erika nodded. "Exactly. Can we get two Mountain Dews and a Freckled Lemonade?" Doug waved in reply and started to fix the drinks. "What are you saying here?" Evan asked. "Are you trying to tell me people have sex too quickly because they're depressed? Because I'm not depressed right now, Erika. Neither is Jamie. We're just going to have fun, and..." "Evan!" Erika cut her off, glaring at the young blonde. "I'm telling you how I got into swinging. What happened with John was part of that. It got me thinking about other people's feelings, like Alicia said. I was shocked and angry at first, then I realized I was suddenly out of my funk. I wasn't thinking about my own problems anymore. Instead I was thinking about John, and Kelly, and the other people I'd met who were in clubs looking for sex. I wondered what was motivating them to do such a thing. Then I went back to the books I'd read about swinging and what motivates people to get into it and suddenly I was looking at them in a whole new way." Alicia and Evan leaned close to her, rapt with attention. "I consulted with Isaac Hayes about things," Erika went on. "I figured he'd be able to put them in perspective. I know him off and on as a family friend, like I know John. I've always seen him as a wise sage. He's also done a lot of work on this great comedy show that talks a lot about sex, so I thought..." "South Park," Evan grinned. "I've seen that show. I love it." "Me too," Alicia said. "It's a little crude but..." She looked up at Doug, who was smiling strangely as he set down their drinks. "Thank you." The bartender nodded and moved off. "I'm a fan of it too," Erika said. "It really makes you laugh. So, I told Isaac about my situation and asked him to give me some advice. First he swore me to secrecy. Then he told me that he'd been into the lifestyle for decades and helped settle a lot of questions I had about it. We sorted out truth from fiction. I found out not everyone who's into it is into it because of depression- most people are very happy with themselves. I decided I wanted to be that way too. "I also was recalling how great having sex with Mark had made me feel, and thinking about how I hadn't had anyone since breaking up with him. I told this to Isaac, and he said I should just relax, live my fantasies. I was young and unmarried, and had things to sort out, so there was really nothing wrong with having a little fun. I was shocked he was saying all this, but then he told me how most people like to keep their involvement in the lifestyle secret, especially when they're famous. That made sense to me. I had already been dodging a lot of questions from the press about boyfriends and so on." "We get it," Alicia said. "You've talked to me about building a public cover before. I didn't see the need, as I've always been pretty monogamous." "Until now," Evan smirked. "I still am when it comes to guys," Alicia said, frowning at the young blonde. "When I find the right man..." She waved her hand. "I may not marry him, but I will be loyal to him. That's my decision." Erika shook her head at them. You two really need to chill, she thought. "I was like that too for a while," she told Alicia. "When I was with Mark, I stayed with just him even though I was also looking at and occasionally fantasizing about other guys. No harm in that, right? Then he dumped me for another girl, and I went into my cycle of depression. I couldn't get out of it. I wasn't thinking of fantasies that much for the longest time. Then after I bumped into John, my mood changed. I wanted to get with guys again. "But I wasn't sure about what sort of guy I wanted. Mark had been so great, and he was gone. Every other guy I thought of had something wrong with him or I didn't know him. It was driving me nuts. Isaac told me I should just say what the heck and not think much about what kind of guy I wanted. That I should start having sex again with people I wanted who wanted me. Just try to approach sex in the moment, and let the details take care of themselves. If you think too much about a problem, he told me, you'll never solve it. Sooner or later, you need to jump in the pool." Evan nodded. "That's what I'm doing with Jamie." Erika glared at her. "Let me finish, okay? Isaac's advice seemed good, but I couldn't get myself in the right mindset to take it. Then he gave me this analogy. He said I was wandering in a maze of emotion, and I couldn't find my way out. 'There is a reward somewhere in the maze, Erika. A minotaur lurks also, and guards it. The minotaur is your fear, happiness is the reward. You will have to confront one to get to the other.'" "Basically he told you you were afraid of sex," Alicia said. "Yeah," Erika sighed. "I always was back then. When I got with Mark the first time, I was able to talk myself into doing it, but I still had my fears. They held me back a lot with him, it was part of why we didn't work out. I thought about this and what Isaac had said, and I realized he was right. I needed to confront my fear. I worked out a plan, with Isaac's help. I decided to track down and seduce someone who I'd wanted for a long time, who was into the lifestyle, and who represented a major barrier to me. If I could fuck him, and enjoy it..." She waved her hand. "Who'd you pick?" Alicia asked. "Benicio del Toro." Evan grinned. "The Latin Brad Pitt." Alicia rolled her eyes. "Please. Don't tell me you bought into that Don Juan shit, Erika. Don Juan always leaves women in the morning. You couldn't have been expecting..." "I didn't think about that!" Erika declared, looking back and forth at them both. "I thought it would be like Casanova, not Don Juan. I would seduce him, we would both have fun, and then he would respect me after the first time and become my next great lover." "Like me and Jamie," Evan said. "Yes," Erika said. She glanced at Doug, who was smiling as he listened while serving customers. She grinned back, then returned her attention to the story. "I had known Benicio for almost a year, and admired him for a long time. We worked together on Traffic, got to be friends. I had a crush on him that was unrequited. You guys understand, right?" "Benicio del Toro is good looking," Alicia said, "and a great actor. He made Excess Baggage almost tolerable for me. I also enjoyed watching him in Licence to Kill and Usual Suspects." Erika nodded. "Me too. I figured Benicio would be happy, and maybe that would rub off on me. He was doing great back then- he'd won massive praise for Traffic and had three other films out as well. Everyone was looking and smiling at him. Isaac agreed he'd be a good man for me to approach. Handsome, smart, and careful too. I was looking for an initiator into the lifestyle, and Benicio seemed like the perfect candidate." "So what'd you do?" Evan said, looking intrigued now. "Did you get him?" "Yes," Erika smiled fondly. "It was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I called Benicio up, told him I wanted to meet and talk. We had dinner at the Voltaire. I told him everything Isaac had told me and about how I'd been feeling. Then I told him straight out what I wanted. He was surprised, but then he saw I was sincere. He was understanding and told me he'd often thought of me fondly, as a friend, all through making Traffic. He could understand my crush, and he was between lovers at the time, like me." "We get it," said Alicia. She too was smiling. "So..." Erika sighed, thinking back. *** Febuary 2001. Los Angeles, CA. "Are you looking forward to this?" Erika grinned at Benicio del Toro, saying nothing. The man's darkly handsome features and deep voice were mesmerizing her, as they had all night. Were words necessary? she wondered. No, probably not. Instead she merely looked up into Benicio's dark pools, at the heavy circles around them. Usually such features on a man bothered her, but on Benicio they didn't. He'd had them all his life, and wore them well. His personality also greatly aided the attraction. The man was magnetic, on screen and off. Erika had wanted him for so long, and now she would have him, finally. "It might not really help you," Isaac's voice echoed in her mind. "Be careful. Benicio is a complicated man." "Like you?" "No, even more so. He couldn't hold on to Claire Forlani, or Alicia Silverstone, or a number of other great women. He's a rover, always has been. Don't expect more from this than you're going to get." "I won't, Isaac," Erika had promised. The freedom's part of what I like about this, she thought. Benicio's unattached, I am too. This will get me into the lifestyle, whether it stays permanent or not. That's what I want here. I set it up, prepared just like I did for losing my virginity. I rented a suite here at the Regent Beverly Wilshire, took Benicio out, and talked him into this. It worked out great. This night is reminding me of my first time with Mark too. It's raining heavily outside, just as it was then, only the storms seem harder now. I can hear the thunder and lightning, even inside this elevator. I hope the earth doesn't move, that would be bad. No, she decided. I won't think about that. I want this night to be great. "I will treat you right," Benicio said, reaching out and stroking her hair. "You will like what I do to you." I hope so, Erika thought. I hope you'll like me too. I always liked everything Mark did to me, and vice versa, or so I thought. Why'd he dump me then? I still don't understand. Oh well, that was months ago. I'm moving on. That's what this is about- moving on and getting back to life. The elevator stopped and the doors dinged open. "Floor twelve," the operator said. "Enjoy your stay." "Gracias, amigo," Benicio said. He handed the operator a tip, then stepped into the hall. Erika smiled at the operator, who'd been eyeing her all through the ride, before following. He looked her up and down again, admiring her curves under her revealing red dress, as the elevator doors shut. Benicio walked over to a nearby room and fumbled in the pocket of his black suit for a key. "I have it," Erika told him, taking the card out of her purse. "My room, remember?" "Oh, right," Benicio chuckled. He bounced his fingers off his head. "Listen, Erika, I am aware you may still not be sure what you want from this. The lifestyle is different for every person. I can help you get into it, but only so much." You've been telling me that all night, Erika thought. Isaac said the same thing. Why? This is just sex. It's no big deal. No, wait, it is a big deal, Erika. You know how sex makes you feel, what it can create. You've thought about it so much, you love it more than anything. You want it to burn you out of the funk you've been in, get you to enjoy life once more. Surely it can. You and Mark had sex one last time before you broke up, and you treasure that memory as much as any other. All your times in the sack have been great. You know sex can be bad, but you don't want it to be that way. And this won't, she told herself. It can't. "You just need to satisfy me," Erika told Benicio. "No complications." He nodded. "No complications." They had agreed earlier tonight that whatever happened, they would stay good friends. Benicio had brought up that not every pair of lovers found themselves compatible, and though Erika had hated doing so, she'd had to agree. Well, this isn't about finding Mr. Right, she reminded herself. I have my whole life to do that. All I want right now is freedom from my maze. Benicio will give it to me. That hope in mind, she flicked her key through the lock and shoved open the door. Smiling and trying to control her trembling nerves, she walked into the suite's sitting room, Benicio following behind. He nodded at the bottles of sparkling water and bowl of fruit laid out on a table they passed, but touched neither. Good, Erika thought. We've already had enough food and drink tonight. She stepped out of her shoes as they entered the bedroom, dropping her purse beside them on the floor. "Ben..." Before she could get out his complete name, Benicio grabbed her from behind, spun her around, and pulled her face up to his. Erika gasped as their lips met. His breath was warm, and flowing into her like heat from a furnace. He kissed her quickly, then pulled back. "I am sorry. I had to do that." "It's okay," Erika sighed, attempting to calm her heart. She unsnapped the back of her dress and walked over to the bed, pulled its covers down. "You can do whatever you want to me." With that, she turned and fell back, opening her arms. Benicio returned her smile and shrugged off his jacket. He then unfastened his belt and bent over to unlace his shoes. He hummed a Spanish tune as he disrobed, feeling in his voice. Come on, Erika thought. I'm so impatient right now. Get undressed! She watched as her new lover dropped his pants, hoping his manhood wouldn't be too much for her. Benicio took off his socks and shoes, smiling at her all the while. He then began unbuttoning his shirt, still humming, his eyes looking her up and down. Benicio's a method actor, Erika recalled. He has a huge repertoire of tricks and techniques for the stage, maybe for this too. He's probably contemplating which ones to use on me. Maybe I should tell him to follow his heart, not the script. This isn't a lovescene. She smiled as he pushed his shirt off his torso, revealing his well-sculpted chest. Dressed now only in his boxers, Benicio walked forward and stood facing Erika. She shook her head, feeling his shadow looming over her. She did not shrink away, though. This moment called for bravery. I am here freely and of my own will, Erika thought. So is he. We are going to enjoy what we are about to do. Nothing will stop that. So calm down. Control yourself. He has more experience with this, let him guide you. She beckoned to him with one of her hands. Benicio held up a finger, still smiling. He hooked his thumbs in his boxer shorts and pushed them off. Smaller than I thought, Erika regarded his organ. Oh well, it's still something to be proud of, and I'm sure he'll know how to use it. It's thicker than Mark's, but not as long. Not yet anyway, he's not that hard right now. I need to change that. I will soon. Her lover stepped out of his shorts and dropped himself onto the bed. He moved in, cuddled up to her, and looked her over again. "Tu eres muy bonita, Erika. Do you have any special requests?" "Just make me feel good," she said, reaching out and pulling him closer to her body. She wrapped her arms around him, ran her fingers through his dark curly hair and down along his back. She gasped, feeling the heat of his proximity. Benicio's chest was rough and hard, the hair there thin and spread out. Erika tangled her right hand's fingers in it as they embraced, tugging on the hair and his nipples. She pressed her lips to his chin, his cheek, and finally his mouth, trying to send promises into his mind with her eyes. Benicio quickly responded, his arms encircling her and caressing her shoulders and back. Erika let out a breath, smiling as he pulled down the zipper of her dress. She dropped her arms so he could push the sleeves off her shoulders. Her white skin clashed against his, presenting an intriguing contrast with his dark tan. They kissed again several times as he moved the dress down, tongues licking each other's throats. Erika felt colder as her body was bared, then warmer at the feel of his presence and attention. Benicio continued to look her over as he undressed her, smiling at the sight of her hard pink nipples and the triangle of blonde hair between her legs. Just as on most nights when she was planning to have sex, Erika had not bothered with underwear. She smiled at him as he moved away a little after pulling the dress all the way off her, looking him over again. His body's like a dream, Erika thought. So tanned and well-proportioned. I can see him getting aroused, a second ago I felt it. He's flushed with passion now. I can tell even with that wonderful dark skin. She grinned and let out another breath. Benicio did the same, mumbling something she couldn't decipher in his native language. Then he moved back towards her, placing his left hand on her shoulder and his right on the valley between her breasts. He moved the latter back and forth, stroking her nipples to attention before leaning in to kiss each one. "Ah!" Erika moaned, lying down and letting him move atop her body. He's bolder than Mark was, she thought. Good. I like that. She laughed as Benicio looked up and stuck his tongue out at her, then bent back down and licked at her nipples. "Yes!" She pressed her palms into his back and squeezed his shoulders, pulling his body into hers. She felt her nipples growing tight and hard, jabbing into him. She could also feel his manhood against her hip, growing larger and thicker with their closeness. She rubbed her thigh against it, feeling herself getting warmer and wetter. An ache was echoing between her legs, its rhythm matching her heartbeat. He seems ready, she evaluated. I think I'm ready. Now? "Espera," Benicio said, guessing her thoughts. Wait, Erika mused. That means wait. Okay, I'll wait. Just don't make it too long, okay? Por favor, Benicio, please. She gasped again as he sucked hard on her nipples, then moved down. He planted kisses along her stomach and breastbone, traveling a path that made Erika shake. Oh my God, she thought. He's going to lick me down there, without prompting. I had to talk Mark into that, and it took him several tries to get it right. Is Benicio any good? He's had experience with a lot of women, so he might be, but... Never mind, she thought. Just let him do it. You'll find out. She dropped her hands from his body and smiled down at him, then moaned as he licked across her navel, then her waist. Hurry, Erika thought, listening to him mumble and breathe. I want you! Taste me! Come on! Benicio's tongue stabbed out, spearing into her core. Erika let out a scream, her legs kicking wildly. Benicio reached out and grabbed hold of them, pulling them apart and keeping them still. He licked her pussy up and down, concentrating on the top and the outer edges, then the inner folds. Erika's clit thrust into his tongue and she gasped, feeling juice leak out of her into his lips. "Yes! Don't stop! Please!" He laughed, mumbled another Spanish phrase, then thrust his tongue deep into her snatch. His right hand moved in as well, two fingers entering Erika's cunt. She gasped, contracting her muscles around them, her body tingling hard. His other hand came up as her legs relaxed, fondled her breasts as he sucked at her. "Ahh!" Erika moaned, and he chuckled in reply, squeezing at her skin. "Yes!" She felt herself shaking, her eruptions growing as Benicio kept licking her. Her heart was beating faster and faster, passion and emotion flooding back into her mind. Yes, Erika thought, sighing in rapture. I knew it could be like this again, I waited for it, and it's better now. It was so long, too long. Oh God, oh my God. Keep it up. "Oh, ah!" "Hold on, baby," Benicio said, pulling back. Erika groaned, feeling the absence of his mouth. Then he moved up along her body, keeping his hands in place. He lined himself up against her, his fingers stroking her breasts and pussy up and down. Oh yes, Erika thought. Now. Do it now. Please. Benicio regarded her expression and grinned back, showing his teeth. Then his fingers stopped. He took his right hand out of her pussy and held it up to her eyes. Erika nodded, remembering what they'd discussed. Yes, she was on the pill, but Benicio liked to be as careful as possible. Therefore they had picked up some condoms in the gift shop downstairs. Erika grinned, recalling how the clerk had been staring at them. She breathed in and out several times, then waved at the foot of the bed. Benicio nodded and put his fingers to her lips. Erika gasped, opened her mouth, and sucked his digits. Her own taste flared across her throat, salty and sweet. Benicio chuckled, then pulled his fingers out and stood up. Hurry, Erika thought, watching him. Rapido! She rubbed her own breasts and pussy as Benicio picked up his pants and took the condoms out of his back pocket. "Ahh," she moaned, keeping her eyes on him, anticipating what was to come. Benicio tore open the package, removed one of the latex circles and broke its foil cover, then expertly unrolled it and slipped it over his organ. He nodded, said, "Okay," then turned back to the bed. Erika moaned, blinking her eyes and seizing the feelings in her mind. She raised the fingers that had been inside her to her lips, sucked her juices off them, then beckoned Benicio close. He looked her over again, frowning. Erika gave him another questioning look, wondering what was going on. Finally he shrugged, then dropped onto the bed beside her and began moving close. Erika moved with him, reaching out and squeezing his shoulders with her hands. His arms came up, pulled her into him. He kissed her lips, then her neck, and after that her lips again. "Yes," Erika breathed. Grinning in reply, Benicio kissed her again, then looked down at their bodies. Erika felt his manhood with her thigh and moved slightly to the side, placing it against her cunt. The feeling of its presence was strange, yet familiar. Ease up now, Erika told herself. This is just like with Mark, only a tighter fit. It will hurt a little, then I'll enjoy it. She prepared to move forward. Okay, on three. One, two... "Ahhhhh!" she screamed, as Benicio thrust into her a second too soon. He grinned and chuckled. She laughed in response, trying to calm her heart. His hands came up and seized her shoulders. She moved her own hands to a similar position on him, huddling close and clenching hard around him with her legs. I'm full, Erika mused. He's hard within me. I can barely think of anything other than the ache, and how I'm shaking, and... Again she gasped as Benicio started thrusting back and forth into her snatch. For several minutes he thrust in and out, frequently kissing her or smiling at her as their bodies neared. Erika moved with him, continuing to caress his back and chest. His hands went from her shoulders to her sides, running up and down them and flicking in towards her nipples. He also rolled back and forth on the bed, taking Erika with him. First she was above him, lashing her long hair against his chest as they moved. Then she was under him, gasping in pleasure as he thrust down into her. "Yes!" she moaned and screamed, tingling again and again. Her juices flowed harder with each thrust, her emotions crashing. Benicio rolled them back onto their sides and smiled at her, then thrust hard and deep. She laughed, looking at his clenched teeth, and contracted around his organ as it moved out, then back into her. Now, Erika thought, feeling her spirit begin to rise. One more thrust, and she was off. "Yes!!!" she wailed, bucking and twisting against her lover. Benicio smiled and dropped his hands to her hips as she came, grabbing hold of her thighs and squeezing gently but hard. Erika moaned and shook back and forth, let out another breath, then kissed him. He kissed her back, then pulled out. "What are you doing?" Erika frowned as his hands fell from her hips. "You haven't come yet. Go back in and I'll..." Benicio shook his head, looking at her and waving a finger. "Turn over." Erika raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. He wants me from behind, she thought. Okay, I can dig that. Mark didn't like taking me from behind, he never would. I've read about it, though. Maybe I'll like it. She smiled and turned her back to Benicio, looking over her shoulder at his nod. "Okay," he said. "You're gonna love this, baby." I hope so, Erika thought, feeling his hands on her shoulders again. This is new for me, and unusual. I like sex, though, and this is just another kind of sex. It's not a big deal. She smiled and spread her legs wide as Benicio eased her onto her belly and moved over her. His body brushed against hers, his organ trailing across her left thigh. Erika moaned, feeling its warmth even through the latex. She could not access him easily in her current position, so she put her hands on her breasts, clenching her teeth in preparation to feel him enter her again. Benicio aligned their waists and leaned close, his dark hair mixing with her blonde curls. "When you're ready," her lover whispered into her ear. "Uno, dos..." "Now!" Erika said, squeezing her breasts. The closeness of him, the tingling in her, was making her crazy. I'm about to get off again, she thought. I have to. "Now!" Benicio laughed, then pushed forward and inside. Erika gasped and shook, feeling something wrong. Her cunt was still empty, even though it was open. Yet she could feel Benicio's organ pushing into another hole in her body. Oh my gosh, she thought, he's... Relax, Erika. You've read about this, and seen it done in movies. It feels odd, but it's just as good as if he were fucking my pussy. It's just different. I wanted difference. I need to get to like this. She moved her body up and down on the mattress as he began to thrust, trying to concentrate on the good feelings he was creating and not the pain. Erika kept one hand squeezing her breasts and dropped the other to her cunt, slipped in two fingers. I need to feel better about this, she thought, rubbing herself. I can feel better. I do. She smiled as her body responded to her commands. I like being fucked this way, she decided. Vaginal's better, but this is okay too. It's good that Benicio's not being brutal or hitting me too fast. I don't think I'd want that right now. Maybe another time, but at this moment... "Ahh!" she gasped as he suddenly thrust hard, breathing deep into her ear. Erika bit her lip, feeling distended. Then he started shaking, and she realized he was cumming. She could feel heat and warmth, soaking the latex that seperated his organ from her inner folds. Okay, she thought as he thrust hard again, then started to slow. My turn now. I want an orgasm out of this, or I'll probably regret doing it later. She moved her fingers to her clit and grabbed it in the most sensitive spots, then pressed hard and flicked them back and forth. Benicio watched her, smiling. Erika felt him growing soft and slipping out, then moving away. She rolled onto her back and looked at him, moaning and caressing her body. The softness of the mattress somewhat eased the pain in her rear, and she relaxed, then started moving her fingers rapidly again. Her lover chuckled and moved back towards her. His fingers joined Erika's, rubbing her breasts, stomach, and cunt. Yes, Erika thought, grinning at him. Help me again. Please. She flicked her fingers harder and faster, and Benicio picked up the rhythm. They exchanged blinks and laughs, looking each other up and down. After a few seconds, Erika felt herself start to spasm. "Yes!" She clenched around the four fingers inside her, two of his and two of hers, and moaned her pleasure out. "Ahhhhh!!" She gasped one last time, then bit her lip, smiling at him. Benicio leaned in and kissed her, his mouth open. Erika smiled and accepted his breath and tongue. I feel so drained now, she thought. So tired. What Benicio did to me was good, but I wasn't ready for it. Normally I'd have the energy to keep going a while longer, but... She closed her eyes as he pulled back and gave in to sleep. *** October 2003. London, England. "My God!" Evan gasped as Erika finished describing her memory. "That was hot!" Alicia nodded in agreement. "I thought Benicio del Toro was only like that on screen." "He likes acting out his characters in bed," Erika said, smiling. "It was good for me too, all of it." Evan shook her head, smiling. "I can't believe he fucked you in the ass!" "You have to be with the right person to enjoy that," Alicia said. "Some guys are too rough, and they can hurt you." Evan nodded. "I know. Nikki and I did a lot of it. I still have some of the toys she gave me. If you like, we can use them sometime." Alicia blinked, biting her lip. She looked at Erika, who flashed her a grin. The redhead stood up and pushed back from the table, moving her queen before turning away. "I need to go to the bathroom," she said, then headed that way fast. Evan smirked at Erika, who laughed, watching Alicia depart. She then turned her eyes back to the chessboard and sighed as she saw where Alicia's queen was now. "Damn it. Checkmate." "You'll beat her next time," Evan said. "It only took me five games." "Thanks," Erika said, turning away from the board and sipping her drink. "So, do you understand what I was trying to tell you?" "Yeah," Evan said. "Fucking on the first date can be full of things for which you aren't really prepared. But you did it, and you liked it, so you went into swinging. Am I right?" Erika shook her head. "Not completely. I did like it. Then... I woke up alone." Evan's mouth fell open. "What?" "I woke up alone," Erika repeated, stirring her ice with her straw. "Benicio left me. There was a message on the phone- something about how he really enjoyed being with me but didn't think we were right for each other. He talked about how I needed to find people my own age, get with them, and build up my experience. He said if I really wanted to be into the lifestyle, I would have to get more used to being surprised." "Okay," Evan said, grimacing. "I can understand he felt that way. But still..." "I know," Erika agreed. "He could have stuck around and helped me. As it was, I felt really pissed off even though I got that he was speaking to me from the heart. I was back in my maze for a few days, deep within my depression. Then I started going out again. "This time, when guys came up to me, I felt more interested in spending time with them. I had a lot of dates. I would never spend too much time with any particular guy, though. I kept finding things I didn't like about them. Most often it was that they felt getting with a movie star stroked the ego, and treated me accordingly. They saw me as a conquest, little more. They would leave me like Benicio did- sometimes with a note, sometimes without. Or they'd break up with me, seek other girls even quicker than Mark did. I hated it so much." "But then you found good guys, right? Michael Rosenbaum, Jesse Bradford..." Erika cut her off with a sigh. "Rosey and Jesse came later. I got with a lot of different guys between Benicio and them. I went to places Isaac told me about, hung out around LA's campuses and the Boulevard, got all the swinging experience I could. I always told the media I didn't have time for boyfriends, and they believed me. Meanwhile I was having fun. I didn't tell any of my regular friends about what I was doing except for Isaac and Dean, my agent at the time. He was into the lifestyle too and willing to talk me down when I got emotional." "Emotional?" Evan asked with a frown. "Yes," Erika replied. "Sex makes you very emotional. Haven't you noticed that by now? Your feelings are intense, before and after. It can bring you close to people, but it can also drive you apart. The sex I had was always good for me at the moment, but afterwards I found I could never really be sure how things would turn out. For a while I kept searching for great guys, trying to assemble a list of characteristics to look for so I could predict what would happen if I got with any particular person. But nothing worked, Evan. None of my relationships was all great. I'm just glad I was able to stay in the lifestyle." "Yeah," Evan said. "Me too." Erika smiled at the young girl. "It helped that I always found satisfaction no matter what. I lost one guy, and another was right around the corner. I wasn't looking at girls back then, that came later too. I was still distraught a lot of the time. Isaac and Dean had to talk me out of it. Eventually it started working. My career got out of its downturn. Dean got me cast in Home Room, which had a script I really liked, and I won some awards for what I had done in Traffic. I was doing good again, and soon I was feeling better about myself." "What about Benicio? Did you ever see him after what happened?" Erika nodded. "We met each other again a couple weeks later at the SAG Awards. I avoided him initially, I was still upset. Then he came up to me and apologized, and I found myself replying that it was okay. We went home together after the afterparty, and got it on again. It was still good, even though he left me again when it was over. Benicio has never wanted to get too attached to me- to him I'm just a little girl. I feel the same, he's just a crush. I still see him off and on when I'm in LA, though. He was my escort at an Elton John AIDS Foundation party last year." "And you get along." "Yes. As well as can be expected." She sighed. "Evan, I've had a lot of first dates where I've ended up in bed with a guy. It's a bad idea. Alicia's had even more, she can back up what I'm saying. Dates are never something that are going to go right no matter what. You think they might, but then they don't. There's really no way to predict what could happen. But it helps if you take things slowly with the guy, learn about him, keep him interested. If you do that, he may get to like you and he'll come back for more." Evan thought over her words, grimacing. "Okay, I see what you're saying. You think if I move too fast with Jamie, he might get the wrong idea about me." "Yes. He also might not be as ready as you think he is. Some guys want you to take things slow- they like it that way." "Okay," Evan said. "I will. Thanks for talking to me. I really appreciate it." She leaned close and patted her friend on the hand. "I'm here anytime you need me," Erika said, smiling before looking away. Evan nodded, then got up and headed back to the dance floor, a sad look on her face. I feel sad too, Erika thought. It did not feel good reliving all that. But I helped Evan. That's what's important. I'll find Alicia, take her upstairs, get to feeling better. That's all I need. "You shouldn't be so upset," a voice said. "You rode the bull." Erika raised an eyebrow and turned, frowned as she saw the club's manager standing next to her. Great sympathy welled up from his face and tone. "Rode the bull?" Erika asked. She and Doug had talked now and again, and he frequently used strange analogies, like Isaac did. "What do you mean?" Doug pulled out a chair from the table and sat down, shook his head, and sighed. "Back where I come from," he told Erika, "we have this festival called the rodeo. Millions of people flock to it every year. There are cowboys who partake in a sport called bull riding. They get on a bull, ride around the arena, and try to stay on. It takes a lot of practice to get it right. You gotta be careful, and have protection. The bulls don't like being ridden, you see, and they always do their best to throw the rider off. Usually they do, very quickly. The rider ends up in the dust, or maybe even a pile of manure, frequently with broken bones. They say that when you ride a bull, it's not if you're going to get hurt you should be worried about. It's when, and how badly." He took a breath. "You know what, though? Most of those guys get hurt a lot riding the bull, but they keep trying again. They don't let failure get them down. They don't let anybody talk them out of it, no matter how good the arguments. They keep trying to ride the bull, because for the eight seconds or however long they're able to stay on, they're..." "Happy," Erika completed. "Yeah." Doug sighed. "You can be happy too. The dreams you're chasing are far less dangerous. They can also give greater pleasure. You just have to remember the things that can go wrong." Erika nodded. I do, she thought. I've learned my lessons well, I always have. I continue. But sometimes I still feel... No, Erika, forget that shit. She shook her head and turned away, new thoughts flashing into her mind as she thought over Doug's words. He's helpful to me, Erika smiled to herself. Always has been, even though he doesn't have to do anything. I should thank Doug for this. I could get with Alicia tonight, or Evan, or someone else familiar. But I think I'd rather take another friendship to the next level instead. She looked towards the bar, wondering if it was possible, and grinned again when she saw another club employee had taken Doug's usual place. "Doug," she said, turning back to her friend. "Have you ever wanted to ride the bull?" He frowned, then shrugged. "Of course I have," he said. "I wouldn't be human if I didn't." "Would you like a chance?" Doug stared at her, seeming confused by her words. Then he gasped, seeing the offer behind them. He stood and stared at Erika, his mouth opening and then just as quickly slamming shut. He wasn't expecting anything to happen between us, Erika realized. He just wanted to cheer me up. So sweet... But he better not turn me down now. I want this. I want him. He better follow through, and be good to me, and... The manager of Inside Out shrugged again, then reached out and took her hand. "As you wish." *** End of Chapter 2.