Review 020 Incompatibility by A Strange Geek Storyline <Brief outline only> ASG's own Summary: ---------------------------------------------------------------- Synopsis: A starship on a routine exploration mission is suddenly stopped and seized by alien forces. A teenage girl faces the frightening possibility that these aliens are of the one most feared race in the galaxy, and that she is their next victim. NOTE: The ending of this story is DARK. Don't read if you don't like that. There is not a whole lot of sex in this story, but there is some. Codes:Ff ScFi non-con mc solo ---------------------------------------------------------------- Merits <What was worthy of comment> A delightful if slightly dark tale about the human condition, as (IMHO) all good mind control writing is. Using a teenaged protagonist and writing in the first person manages to underline this point nicely. Excerpt <I sighed as I ran my fingers through my ginger-colored hair. I was getting tired of this. I was sixteen and skittish about being nude in private. I hadn't even yet dated a boy. All because of my damn mother's precious work.> Sarah is a nicely rounded teenager (TIC). For example the fact that she never names her Mom, or thinks of her in anything other than derogatory or possessive terms is typical of the species. Well written and paced. Demerits <What detracted from the story> Very little, I felt the introduction was a little less polished than the rest of the story. Always difficult when nothing really happens until a plot moment. Once that happened, the slight hesitation disappeared. Excerpt (example) <The ship was old. There was always this heavy thrumming noise when we were still in hyperspace. I overheard my Dad say that the hypermotors needed to be repolarized. Anyway, the point was, I should be hearing them, but I wasn't. We weren't supposed to get to the Polaris 4 stargate for another two days. I slipped out of bed. My nightgown caught and tried to pull up over my hips. I yanked it down with a flare of heat to my cheeks even though I was alone and I had at least panties on under it. Who was I afraid was going to see me?> It is the second paragraph that rankles, something about the whole description is too stiff - maybe to formal? I think my unease revolves around the second line, it's a bit clunky as compared to the rest of the text. (This may well be an example of a device being used. The idea (maybe) to make us feel the uncertainty that Sarah has at the start of the story. If it is, it is maybe a little too heavy handed.) Atmosphere <How well evolved was the environment> Marks out of 20 <18> Read it and experience, for me the story has images that are reminiscent of the best of Alien. I don't know if ASG is a Foster fan, but it would not surprise me. How much I filled in from the suggestions in the story-line I can't hazard a guess at, but this seemed a very familiar space ship. The Velqui are described in just enough detail to allow the reader scope to fill in the detail. Well done indeed. Excerpt: <The ship lurched again, and we both tumbled to the floor. There was a horrible metallic rending sound in the distance that reverberated through the ship. Suddenly everything around us turned crimson and the klaxon began blaring. "ALERT ALERT ALERT... HULL BREACH... FOREIGN BIOHAZARD SUBSTANCE OR NANOTECH DETECTED IN ENVIRONMENT... " I scrambled to my feet. "Mom! We have to get to a life pod! Mom? MOM!"> Workflow <How well did the story progress and develop> Marks out of 20 <16> My comments about the start of the story are my only issue. The rest of the plot runs smoothly and to a fine conclusion. The 'flight' from the Velqui is a strong point for me, classic 'I know - I'll hide in the wardrobe' but updated. Eroticism <Just how erotic a read is this (erotic, not sexy!)> Marks out of 20 <17> ASG has a way of creating imagery which is very seductive. Although sex is key to the premise, it does not dominate the action as it may have done with a less accomplished writer. When it does arise it is highly charged. Excerpt <I drew in my breath and let it go as a soft, sensuous sigh. My skin flushed hot. My nipples hardened and rose to points, tingling like mad. Heat and moisture gathered in my pussy. My breathing became a languid pant.> Mechanics <The boring bit, grammar, typo's etc.> Marks out of 20 <20> I'm sure they were there, but as a reader I became so involved I did not notice them. Praise indeed, it would be churlish to go and look for them now so - perfect. Impression <What did I feel having read the story, did I want to read more?> <18> Marks out of 20 This is always difficult, I like ASG's writing and I am always going to read him. I am objective in the reviews and apply the same rules to all stories. This is just a well written story that is good, it also happens to be the kind of thing I choose to read. Read it, even if it is not your genre, I would be amazed if you disagree. Total score 89 Yotties out of 100. Readability guide 00-19 must try harder. 20-39 needs development 40-59 readable 60-79 good read 80-99 should read 100 reserved for my stories :-)