Review 019 The Letter by Esu Migabe 

Yes she did agree, even suggest, that I did this - here I am
taking my life in my hands :-o


Storyline 

<Brief outline only>

Our girl's day starts badly, and to add to her woes, her
boyfriend has a job away from home. So she thinks of things to
pass her time. Will his letter bring suggestions? Well in a
word yes!


Merits

<What was worthy of comment>

In a word simplicity, in two words - simplicity and honesty. The
story is written without either too much hyperbole or the overtly
sexualised clichés so many writers fall into. There is nothing
that jars, and the story is very natural, and very feminine, due
to that. A very pleasant change from the 'testosterone sex' that
fills many stories.

For example, only one orifice was used, and with only one sex
toy at a time :) <Surely that never happens?>

Demerits

<What detracted from the story>

Personally I would have liked the story to be longer, in
particular in the exploration of the emotions that led her to
her decision. An extract:

***`Oh my love, I miss you,' she thought to herself, `My perfect
guy - if only you were here.'***

What makes him so perfect - for her? He is too one dimensional,
seemingly a cipher to set off the rest of the action.

The writer has the talent, and the emotional maturity to express
these emotions we all feel. I for one would like her to do it.


Atmosphere

<How well evolved was the environment> Marks out of  20

<16>

In such a short story it is difficult to define any richness to
the physical environment. But the territory between the lovers is
defined in a very elegant way; she imagines him stroking her, and
at the finale she reveals he would have enjoyed the experience
although it was a solitary one. A simple, but effective way to
show the relationship between them.

Workflow

<How well did the story progress and develop> Marks out of  20

<13>

Well as mentioned in demerits I did feel some emotions and
passages were rushed. The story would have benefited from a
little more 'substance'.


Eroticism

<Just how erotic a read is this (erotic, not sexy!)> Marks out
of  20

<16>

Well as a man, reading about the sexual feeling of a woman
written so clearly is an erotic, even uplifting (snigger)
experience.

Mechanics

<The boring bit, grammar, typo's etc.> Marks out of 20

Oh god, she's my editor - how do I handle this <gulp>

<14>

All in all - not bad, got sloppy at the end though:

***Finally rolling over, she kissed her letter, knowing the
sender would have enjoyed it just as much as her. More
importantly, she knew how she was going to spend her time.***

He would have enjoyed the letter as much as her? Why? He wrote
it! That damn 'it' word... now what it was she referring too -
ah, I see! 

Of course she was going to spend her time kissing letters -
that's one hell of a hobby ;-)

See it's like road traffic accidents - most of them happen
within 2 miles of home. The final paragraph - many a writers
graveyard. (Possibly mine too after this!)


Impression

<What did I feel having read the story, did I want to read
more?> Marks out of 20

<14>

Well,I don't have any choice, do I? Opps, sorry - ahem. Yes, the
simplicity of the writing and the purity of the feeling add
enough to bring me back again.


Total score 

73 Yotties out of 100. <An average score would therefore be 50>

Readability guide           00-19 must try harder.
                            20-39 needs development
                            40-59 readable
                            60-79 good read
                            80-99 should read
                            100 reserved for my stories :-)