Review 019 The Letter by Esu Migabe Yes she did agree, even suggest, that I did this - here I am taking my life in my hands :-o Storyline <Brief outline only> Our girl's day starts badly, and to add to her woes, her boyfriend has a job away from home. So she thinks of things to pass her time. Will his letter bring suggestions? Well in a word yes! Merits <What was worthy of comment> In a word simplicity, in two words - simplicity and honesty. The story is written without either too much hyperbole or the overtly sexualised clichés so many writers fall into. There is nothing that jars, and the story is very natural, and very feminine, due to that. A very pleasant change from the 'testosterone sex' that fills many stories. For example, only one orifice was used, and with only one sex toy at a time :) <Surely that never happens?> Demerits <What detracted from the story> Personally I would have liked the story to be longer, in particular in the exploration of the emotions that led her to her decision. An extract: ***`Oh my love, I miss you,' she thought to herself, `My perfect guy - if only you were here.'*** What makes him so perfect - for her? He is too one dimensional, seemingly a cipher to set off the rest of the action. The writer has the talent, and the emotional maturity to express these emotions we all feel. I for one would like her to do it. Atmosphere <How well evolved was the environment> Marks out of 20 <16> In such a short story it is difficult to define any richness to the physical environment. But the territory between the lovers is defined in a very elegant way; she imagines him stroking her, and at the finale she reveals he would have enjoyed the experience although it was a solitary one. A simple, but effective way to show the relationship between them. Workflow <How well did the story progress and develop> Marks out of 20 <13> Well as mentioned in demerits I did feel some emotions and passages were rushed. The story would have benefited from a little more 'substance'. Eroticism <Just how erotic a read is this (erotic, not sexy!)> Marks out of 20 <16> Well as a man, reading about the sexual feeling of a woman written so clearly is an erotic, even uplifting (snigger) experience. Mechanics <The boring bit, grammar, typo's etc.> Marks out of 20 Oh god, she's my editor - how do I handle this <gulp> <14> All in all - not bad, got sloppy at the end though: ***Finally rolling over, she kissed her letter, knowing the sender would have enjoyed it just as much as her. More importantly, she knew how she was going to spend her time.*** He would have enjoyed the letter as much as her? Why? He wrote it! That damn 'it' word... now what it was she referring too - ah, I see! Of course she was going to spend her time kissing letters - that's one hell of a hobby ;-) See it's like road traffic accidents - most of them happen within 2 miles of home. The final paragraph - many a writers graveyard. (Possibly mine too after this!) Impression <What did I feel having read the story, did I want to read more?> Marks out of 20 <14> Well,I don't have any choice, do I? Opps, sorry - ahem. Yes, the simplicity of the writing and the purity of the feeling add enough to bring me back again. Total score 73 Yotties out of 100. <An average score would therefore be 50> Readability guide 00-19 must try harder. 20-39 needs development 40-59 readable 60-79 good read 80-99 should read 100 reserved for my stories :-)