Review House to Home by ? the platypus. Storyline <Brief outline only> Red and Lilli find themselves with the house to themselves. With Red's parents away the girl's have a chance to relax and make the house their home. Merits <What was worthy of comment> The contrast between the parents 'excursion' into unknown places to explore their love, as opposed to the opportunity it gives the girl's to explore their own in the family home is clever. The warmth Red revels in just in being in a 'normal' family is well observed, as in a few words is the desperation of her past. < "Heh, I'll start on dinner" Lill tensed slightly as Red reached for a knife. Red noted the reaction. "You don't have to worry, I've got you, Mum, Dad and a wonderful home to live in now. I'm not going to do that again." Lill sighed, "I know just reflex I guess, I don't ever want to loose you."> Demerits <What detracted from the story> I sometimes lost the thread, at one point it seems they are watching anime on a DVD, and then this interchange happens. < "Do you think they are?" "You think that every female pair on almost every show are." "That's because most of them are." "They do seem to be a cute couple." "I know another couple who are cute together." "Oh?" Lill pounced Red playfully pushing her against the cushions "Us, neutronium for brains"> Now it sounds as if they are watching a TV show with real people, not an anime cartoon. This confused me and pulled me out of the story. Atmosphere <How well evolved was the environment> Marks out of 20 <16> A strength, we can feel the 'homeliness' around them, the security both they and Lilli's parents have in their love. There is a nice realisation of sex as a thing you work at in marriage. Workflow <How well did the story progress and develop> Marks out of 20 <13> Here as suggested I had a few problems, the DVD (or was it a video? Both are referred to) that became a TV program. Also there is a line that stopped me for a second> <Red prepared the meat, "Don't worry your not going to loose me, your worth too much to me for me to hurt you."> As this came just after the bit with the knife I was momentarily thrown, had Red hurt herself or Lilli in the past. I soon got it Red would not harm herself, as it would hurt Lilli, but there is enough ambiguity to momentarily mislead. Once again it pulls you out of the text. Eroticism <Just how erotic a read is this (erotic, not sexy!)> Marks out of 20 <16> Well the story is suffused with sex. When it physically happens the description lacks in explicitness, but actually benefits from this as the relaxed lovemaking of the girl's is fitting to the story. I like the simplicity of some of the sentences. <The girls loved every aspect of there lover and they made love to every part of her.> Isn't that simple? Does it not, however, say a lot (learn this Yotna!) Mechanics <The boring bit, grammar, typo's etc.> Marks out of 20 <14> In the sentence quoted above we can see the impact of the authors agraphia. The subtleties of language when words sound the same but have different meanings are a constant hassle for those with this condition. There is more than one example, but given the bravery of the writer in posting work when they have this condition it is easily forgiven. The spelling is improved from the last story I reviewed. Impression <What did I feel having read the story, did I want to read more?> Marks out of 20 <14> I like the style of this story, it easy acceptance of a young same sex couple, and the impression it gives that the parents would approve as it is a loving relationship. This is a hopeful story, a warm one, just maybe we do all have a place to be ourselves - we just have to find it. I would like to know more about the absent parents - they interest me. Total score 73 Yotties out of 100. Readability guide 00-20 must try harder. 20-40 needs development 40-60 readable 60-80 good read 80-99 should read 100 reserved for my stories :-)