Review 009 About Debbie (ff no-sex) By ? the Platypus


Storyline 

<Brief outline only>
Once again I'll let the authors summary speak for itself.

This story is inspired by some conversations overheard on public
transport.  Its otherwise totally fictional.

Merits

<What was worthy of comment>

As a series of casual misconceptions about Debbie this is
inspired. The title is so accurate, not of Debbie, but about
Debbie. Gossip, yes - that thing that none of us do - we just
listen to it honest! Each additional 'speaker' adds their own
prejudices and desires to the situation. Just think folks this
is what s happening to us all, as we sail through life the
people around us re-invent our stories.

Our author has observed, and duly nods to all of the
conventional views on same sex relationships amongst the young.
Elegantly, and just as in real life, the only people who have
no input are Debbie and her girlfriend.

Demerits

<What detracted from the story>

On the presentation side, I find the indent very invasive as
the paragraphs are so short. The use of the term Oanism for
mutual masturbation between women is odd. This is due both to
the term being a misnomer for masturbation in the first place,
but also a very male orientated one (coitus interruptus). The
misspelling of Sappho is more forgivable.


Atmosphere

<How well evolved was the environment> Marks out of  20
<16>

If we think of this as 'gossip calypso' nicely evolved.

Workflow

<How well did the story progress and develop> Marks out of  20
<17>

Well the ending is well matched to the start with some
digersion in the middle ground. In that way it is nicely cyclic.

Eroticism

<Just how erotic a read is this (erotic, not sexy!)> Marks out
of  20
<16>

I had to think about this for a long time, finaly I cam down on
the quite erotic side. There is no sex, but then again the whole
piece is about sex and relationships. This story actually
broadens that by creating different attitudes 'about Debbie'.

Mechanics

<The boring bit, grammar, typo's etc.> Marks out of 20
<13>

Even with the authors agraphia. I must mark it down here, not
due to wrong word placement (a common problem for those
suffering from agraphia), which no spell check will pick up -
but spelling mistakes a spellchecker would resolve for the
author.

Mind you he may wish to emphasise the effect of his condition.
I doubt if the casual reader (unfortunately) will find out about
agraphia, or consider its effects.

Impression

<What did I feel having read the story, did I want to read
more?> Marks out of 20
<16>


Yes, this is a nice idea, expanded effectively and with some
humour (I enjoyed the latent lesbian:)). It also has a deeper
message for us all, and will add to the paranoia we all feel. I
would also like to see how Debbie and her girlfriend react to
the gossip that leaks out.

Total score

78 Yotties out of 100.

Readability guide           00-20 must try harder.
                            20-40 needs development
                            40-60 readable
                            60-80 good read
                            80-99 should read
                            100 reserved for my stories :-)