Review 008 Hung Over by Bradley Stoke


Storyline 

<Brief outline only>

Well thanks to his summary Bradley can do this himself:

Clare is confused. Where is she? Who is she with? What
has she done? She is hung over and with a man she can
barely recognize and not even sure what it is they may
have done together.

Merits

<What was worthy of comment>

The reflection of the club and drugs scene is well done. As is
the confusion we have all felt due to intoxicants in our time.
The sex is casual, but the story expands on the unwanted side
effects both of the sex and by implication the 'club scene'.
The writing nicely detached which matches the style of the piece
Clare's final decision is nicely observed.

Demerits

<What detracted from the story>

Well personally I would have coded the story for drug use, as
it is so strong a plot device, and it's one people have strong
feelings about. There are an awful lot of guys (in terms of
repetitions of the word). And a lot of sentences together
beginning with 'And'. 

Re-reading it there actually aren't that many 'guys' or 'And's'
but Bradley clusters their use - making them noticeable. I find
the writing style harsh, this may be the flipside of being
detached - but I have seen it done better.


Atmosphere

<How well evolved was the environment> Marks out of  20
<15>

The environment in these terms is the story. Her confusion and
her slow recollection of the night before are particularly nice.

Workflow

<How well did the story progress and develop> Marks out of  20
<15>

The slow unfurling of wakening is nicely done, as is the switch
to being fully awake.

Eroticism

<Just how erotic a read is this (erotic, not sexy!)> Marks out
of  20
<9>

I find the story anti-erotic (if there is such a thing) as it
would tend to put me off rather than anything else. Now that's
a bit unfair, as I think he's trying to show cause and effect.
Life's hard sometimes - but I can only score it as I see it.


Mechanics

<The boring bit, grammar, typo's etc.> Marks out of 20
<15>

There are things that irritate me, like the clustering I
mentioned. A bit addicted to the comma, like some of us are.On
the whole though it works well.

Impression

<What did I feel having read the story, did I want to read
more?> Marks out of 20
<11>

Again a tough score, but I wouldn't rush to read another tale
like this as salutary as it is. I find it a bit bleak, and very
self destructive (of the character). I'm sure people live like
this; I'm just not certain I want to read about it. 

It lacks humanity, and that is, I think, deliberate - but not
necessarily the only, or best way, to handle a difficult subject.

Total score

65 Yotties out of 100.

Readability guide           00-20 must try harder.
                            20-40 needs development
                            40-60 readable
                            60-80 good read
                            80-99 should read
                            100 reserved for my stories :-)