Review - Snowbound by Desideria Storyline <Brief outline only> An unpredicted snowstorm sweeps into a City disrupting its normal smooth running. Imagine being trapped by it. Now imagine you are not alone. Merits <What was worthy of comment> The sheer quality of the writing shines through, and due to this so do the emotions. The pacing of the story is refined and it leads you willingly along. There are some wonderful descriptive passages: '"If we're stuck here, shouldn't we be comfortable? Come on, Matt, let’s pool resources. I know you've got a stash of cookies! And we've got the water cooler, and our coats, and even heat, still!" Sarah started pulling things out of her desk drawers. She had a crumpled envelope of dry cocoa, and a few noodle soup containers, and Matt hauled out his cookies, and even a few bars of chocolate. He turned out the lights to watch the snow, then they sat on the floor eating while the sky turned dark. Snow flashed in quick glimpses through the reflected lights of the city.' What is nice about this is - these are exactly the type of odd things that people poke away in their desks. I like well observed stories and this is one. 'Her hips rocked, and every stroke, every suck, every pull and flick started pulses deep in her vagina. She could feel the surges of wetness. Without sight, she thought she could even smell that warmth, and wondered if he could, too.' Isn't that nice, isn' it? Simple, elegant I call it. Demerits <What detracted from the story> Some of the phraseology is a bit naïve I will pick a phrase from one of the quotes above: 'Sarah started pulling things out of her desk drawers. She had a crumpled envelope of dry cocoa, and a few noodle soup containers, and Matt hauled out his cookies, and even a few bars of chocolate.' I'm sorry, but I expect I am not the only one to snigger at Matt hauling out his cookies. It is an amusing, but unintended joke and here it pulls us out of the story. My second point is also made in the above passage. The sentence should break with a full stop at the point that Matt is involved. It would read better with less comma's. Yes, anyone who reads my stories is allowed to laugh out aloud at this point! My final niggle revolves around this sentence: 'He turned out the lights to watch the snow, then they sat on the floor eating while the sky turned dark.' So why do they continually complain about not being able to see? Turn the light back on! This crops up several times, and it really started to grate. Atmosphere <How well evolved was the environment> Marks out of 20 <17> Very nice, you can see the snow and its effects. Feel the cosiness of the office and the slowing of time. Well done. Workflow <How well did the story progress and develop> Marks out of 20 <15> Once more a very nice progression, with a terminal twist can't fault it, other than my comments about the lights! Eroticism <Just how erotic a read is this (erotic, not sexy!)> Marks out of 20 <18> Nice feel to the sex, refreshingly described and believable. Once more - well done. Mechanics <16> <The boring bit, grammar, typo's etc.> Marks out of 20 I have mentioned a few issues I had here, and they did impinge on the enjoyment of a fine story. However the author is bound to develop this as time progresses. Impression <What did I feel having read the story, did I want to read more?> Marks out of 20 <16> Warm and secure, life affirming. An unabashed good news story, with appealing style. I will read anything the author posts. I can't add much more praise than that. I understand this is a first story. You have a hard act to follow, but apparently have the talent to do it. Total score 82 Yotties out of 100. Readability guide 00-20 must try harder. 20-40 needs development 40-60 readable 60-80 good read 80-99 should read 100 reserved for my stories :-)