Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Kid Nowadays by Kellis

   Storyline

   <Brief outline only>

   Note: This story contains underage sex.  Do not read if this concerns
you.
Ted's introduction to the delights of sex at the tender age of 13. 

Written in first person.

   Merits

   <What was worthy of comment>

   The atmosphere is beautifully crafted, I'm not sure why but I got strong
over tones of `Cat on a hot tin roof', no bad thing.  The characterisations
are generous and given the short length of the story detailed.  There are
some really impressive descriptive lines.

   `The staircase is in the foyer.  I follow Claire up to the second floor.
She has a nice, cheeky ass that stretches her shorts smooth.  Her legs look
good too.  Very good.  Suddenly I'm surprised to realize just how thrilling
a woman's leg can look.  That shape, the thighs tapering to the knee and
the calf bulging to lift her up a step, everything smooth as velvet ... 
wow!  My bikini gets tighter.'

   As a description of a 13 year olds view this is nice, and the staccato
sentences say a lot about his rising interest.  <One aside bikini in the UK
would only be used for a woman's two piece swimming costume - this bemused
me for a while J>

   The `female dominated' feel of the piece is interesting, this is a woman
orientated society.  At least at the point we view it, on a summers day
when the men are (presumably) elsewhere.

   Demerits

   <What detracted from the story>

   Oddly one of the merits is also a demerit, I feel the presence of an
adult male `cameo' in the story could have added some tension.  On the
tension side, the story unfolds a little to easily for our protagonist. 
It's all `laid on a plate' for him - having him spy on Claire during her
`intimate acts' could have added more texture to the story.  The felling
that it all just happens to Ted, is may be a little over played.



   Atmosphere

   <How well evolved was the environment> Marks out of 20

   Wonderful, well observed and created.  16.

   Workflow

   <How well did the story progress and develop> Marks out of 20

   Good, no jolts everything fitted (pun sorry!) 14.

   Eroticism

   <Just how erotic a read is this (erotic, not sexy!)> Marks out of 20

   Well realised `first' (actually not) experience.  14

   Mechanics

   <The boring bit, grammar, typo's etc.> Marks out of 20

   Few problems that I saw as a reader.  15

   Impression

   <What did I feel having read the story, did I want to read more?> Marks
out of 20

   Left me with the feeling that a lot of background thought had gone into
the creation of the story, and that Ted inhabited a real world.  I would
like to read more about Ted and his experience - and that can't be a bad
thing!  12

   Total score

   71 Yotties out of 100.

   Readability guide 00-20 must try harder.

   20-40 needs development

   40-60 readable

   60-80 good read

   80-99 should read

   100 reserved for my stories