Keywords: M/F anal, oral Author: W R Jenkins Title: Porn Star Disclaimer:(standard) Do not screw up. Do not do anything illegal. This includes specifically (but not limited to) reading on if you are under 18- 21 in some localities If you are underage you must leave now. If you're young and curious, this is not the place to get the straight story. You act like this and people will look at you strange and give you a wide berth. Also, don't try this at home. Some of this stuff is just plain wrong, most of it is unsafe in the present viral climate and some of it doesn't work in this universe. They are stories. They deal with ideas, fantasies and thoughts that might not even be pleasant in real life. Thoughts are like that. Fantasies are there so we can toy with the sensations without feeling or inflicting the pain, despair or humiliation. End Sermon. Porn Star (pornstar.txt) - Aren't Informercials great? What do you mean boring and the last refuge of the insomniac? Haven't you seen the one for Porn Star (r)(tm)(pat. pending)(reg. US off), the imaginary rip-off of Rock Star for the Whii? Then I better explain. M/F, oral, anal The new adventure in gaming! Paired with the biggest innovation in gaming platforms since the wheel, Inuend-o brings you PORN STAR! [Lights come up on studio audience facing stage, camera zooms to Jock Onceastar and Seemi Imastraightactressnow smiling and holding microphones in front of a wide-screen just below the BIG wide-screen showing the camera view] Jock: Welcome! I see you're all excited to see this demonstration of our exciting new game, PORN STAR! Seemi: Now, I see some kids out there in t.v. land. Go to bed you little crumb-crushers. This is for ADULTS ONLY! Seriously, mom and dad, pack them off to bed. You won't want them seeing this. [Rip-off of Jeopardy music plays as Jock and Seemi tap their feet.] Jock: There now. Time to show you the revolutionary new game for your Whii system (trademarks property of their respective owners- like who else?): PORN STAR! Seemi: It is revolutionary, I know I haven't seen anything like it since I quit the business. Jock: And a sad day that was for us men. Am I right guys? [Pause for scattered hoots] Seemi: Well, a girl has to move on. And I'm so happy that I've been offered the opportunity to help spread the word about this revolutionary new game. It really is great! Jock: Don't worry, guys. That's not all she'll be spreading in just a minute. [canned yucks] Seemi: Oh Jock, you are a caution. But it's so important that I inform these people of the most exciting game EVER! that I'm willing to drop my newly-discovered morals just this once to help get the word out there. Jock: That's right, Seemi. I know it's important to me. And now we'll let you go drop some linen on those morals as you get ready to demostrate PORN STAR! for these fine folks. Give her some encouragement, people! [Applause as Seemi exits, stage right] Jock: While Seemi is getting ready, let's talk about the basic idea of PORN STAR! You've heard of Rock Star, where you play along with bands who haven't had a hit in years? [Applause] Jock: Well, Inuend-o Entertainment has taken that concept, as an homage, not direct theft, and made it fun for mom and dad. Taken all the wiggling and squirming out of tawdry clubs and brought it back to the bedroom where it belongs, if you get my meaning. [Knowing murmurs and nervous laughter] Jock: The concept is simple. You simply put this Wonder Wand in the appropriate place, there's a Happy Holder for you ladies, and you follow along with the dancing icons. It's easy! It's fun! But here's Seemi to demostrate. [Cat calls, wolf whistles and applause as Seemi returns: naked except for something that looks like an old sanitary napkin belt.] Seemi: Thank you, but don't look. I'm really modest now I've gone legit. Jock: I bet you are. But seriously, you're going to demonstrate PORN STAR! now, aren't you. Seemi: Oh Jock, you were at rehearsals, you know you have to help. [laughs] Jock: Then I guess I better suit up. [Jock tugs at the collar of his suit, revealing it is a tear- away and is quickly standing there in only socks and sports shoes.] Jock: Now I guess I better turn this thing on. Seemi: Oh Jock, everyone can see you're turned on already. [laughs- Jock, or someone backstage, fires up the Whii.] Jock: Now I put on the Wonder Wand- looks like a condom, doesn't it guys? You know about them, I'm sure, because we all observe the Surgeon General's guidelines for safe sex. I know we urge it, and not just for defense if we get sued. How you coming, Seemi? Seemi: Not coming yet, but I've got the Happy Holder clipped to the light and very comfortable harness, so I guess we're ready to start. Jock: Hot damn! You know, I'd put my Wonder Wand in your Happy Holder even without the generous compensation from Inuend-o Entertainment. [Voice-over: Your hosts are compensated for their endorsements.] Seemi: Oh, I know you would. That's what got you banned from the league, isn't it? Jock: Now, now, let's not get personal. Let's get physical. Start the game. [Strange little figures built out of orbs pop on screen. One has an oblong low on the main orb, the other, two smaller orbs near the top of the main orb. They bow out of the screen and then turn and face each other, bobbing slightly until Jock and Seemi take the same positions.] Jock: Now we just follow what they do on the screen. [Figure with oblong floats to bench. Figure with breasts turns and floats back until oblong intersecets her main orb. Jock sits on sofa and Seemi sits down in reverse cow girl.] Jock: See, it's not hard. Seemi: It feels hard to me (giggle). [Meeii characters begin to bob and wiggle. Blue and pink circles begin appearing on the screen. At the top there is an arrow pointing up in the circle, at the left, an arrow pointing left, and so on. As Jock and Seemi wiggle and shimmy, the circles turn green and pop, or, in case of an error, vibrate an angry red while a buzzer sounds. Jock and Seemi get most of the prompts right, but there are errors here and there. The prompts begin appearing faster and beeping with less delay. Jock and Seemi are really working it to keep up. Finally the center of the screen fills with a bracketed series of words: Oh Oh; Yes Yes; Cum now! Cum now! CUM NOW! There is a series of musical notes, ratchet sounds and a score starts counting up on each side of the screen, blue for Jock and pink for Seemi. (Jock 78, Seemi 93)] Jock: Well, you are the pro. Seemi: Was, Jock. But tell me you'd mind practicing to get that score up. Jock: You're right. I wouldn't mind at all, but first something else will have to come up. [laugher] Seemi: Then I guess this is a good time to explain some of the other features of PORN STAR! Jock: Might as well. Can't play. And, by the way, you're dripping. Seemi: That's what happens when you score a 90, Jock. And there's a great way to insure you score and 90 every time because PORN STAR somes with a solo mode included in every game! Jock: Solo? What fun is that? Seemi: With PORN STAR! It's more fun than a partner that can't even score an 80. Jock: Hey! Seemi: Just kidding. Dripping, remember? But seriously, the deluxe package of PORN STAR! includes the SOLO WAND and SOLO HOLDER! so you can practice when that special someone, or the mailman, isn't available. Jock: Or just for fun. Seemi: Right. These accesories always get a perfect score and they can help you improve your own, if it isn't too distracting to feel it done right. Jock: Is that another knock on me? Seemi: No, Jock, you men are so sensitive. And most men, I've been told, have trouble scoring a 50 the first few times. But that's the fun, isn't it? Practice, practice, practice. This is a game that can put new life into that special part of your life! Jock: So we do this over and over until we get it right? Seemi: You say that like it isn't fun. But no, PORN STAR is not a one-song wonder. In addition to cow-girl, doggy, spoons and delivery boy, each and every PORN STAR! comes complete with advanced levels like Congress of the Cow, Split Bamboo and Not Back There! Jock: Not Back There!? I like the sound of that. Seemi: I can see you do. Everyone can see you do. [laughs] Jock: Okay, but it sounds like Not Back There! calls for a different receptacle. Is this some scam to make these fine people buy more equipment? Seemi: No, Jock, even the basic package contains the adapter. But who wouldn't want to invest in the practice equipment? The deluxe package contains everything in the basic package in addition to the solo performer add-ons. Jock: I see what you mean. The little lady can't be there all the time. She has to be out working so I can relive my glory years without worrying where my next meal is coming from. And that's where the deluxe package comes in. Seemi: And as suprising as it may be for you, some men go to work and leave the little lady with the same problem. Jock: Ha-ha, Seemi, ha-fucking-ha. But the PORN STAR! deluxe will solve both problems. And then there's the fun you can have with that special someone when you are together. Seemi: You got it! Put the life back in a stale relationship and maybe even learn why it went stale in the first place. PORN STAR! isn't a miracle cure, but it's the medicine you never tire of taking! Jock: I can't see how anyone can live without PORN STAR! Know where I can get stock in Inuend-o? Seemi: Yes, but I swore not to tell you when they sold me mine. Just kidding. You see, we've only scratched the surface of the joy and entertainment PORN STAR! can bring into your home, or office or tawdry little den with its semen-stained casting couch... Jock: Seemi, Seemi, you're legitimate now. Seemi: Oh- yeah- thanks Jock. But PORN STAR has so much more to offer the adventurous. Jock: What can you mean? With everything you've already told us, all that's left is hanging from chandeliers. Seemi: That's a good one. Maybe in PORN STAR! II. But I mean the group mode, for up to four players. Jock: That is adventurous. How does it work? Seemi: Oh, you dirty man. I'll tell you. There's the obvious Swap and Swing (swing sold separately) and Fuck in a Pile for the couple and two of their close friends, but there's also Bukake, for the housewife that wants to have it all (second Happy Holder and adapter required), and Gang-Rape Bitch, which, I would think, is self-explanatory. Jock: There is a lot of fun packed in that package, I can see. Seemi: Why, thank you, Jock. And PORN STAR! has as much going for it as I do. Jock: I meant... Never mind, let's tell these fine people where they can get PORN STAR! and PORN STAR! deluxe, because I think I want to practice again. Seemi: Hoping for an 80? All right. You good people listen to the announcer and call the number on the screen- RIGHT NOW! so you can begin enjoying the world of PORN STAR! in your own home. Now Jock, let's try the doggy this time. Jock: Woof-woof!! [They step back. Seemi gets on hands and knees and they start the game. As Jock kneels behind her and tries to follow the popping balls, the announcer explains the special deals, which credit cards they accept and the number to call fills the screen. PORN STAR! 1-800-555-1212 (ask for Lorna). Buy Now! Hurry! Limited Time Offer! flash in corners of the screen as the number stays on the screen until time expires and partially blocks Jack and Seemi still going at it on stage in the background.] (There's an infomercial that'd keep you awake. Now someone invent the PORN STAR! for real.) ###