Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. Petticoat Junction- Women in Season in tribute to Shelby Bush. The PornoTV series was obviously my jumping off point. But I swear the idea for this porno Petticoat Junction episode came to me independently and I was crestfallen, though not surprised, that the great Bush had beat me to the punch. ============================INTRODUCTION=============================== Petticoat Junction premiered in 1963. Bea Benaderet played Kate Bradley, a widow innkeeper, with three lovely daughters. Most of the action in the early days involved her trying to keep the railroad company from shutting down the Cannonball, the last steam-driven locomotive in their line, since that would cause the shutdown of the Shady Rest Hotel. These stories take place in 1968, before the passing of Bea Benaderet. ======================================================================= Petticoat Junction (Let's all sing!) Come ride the little train that is rollin' down the tracks to the Junction. Forget about your cares, it is time to relax at the Junction. Lots of curves, you bet! Even more, when you get To the Junction. (Petticoat Junction) There's a little hotel called the Shady Rest at the Junction. It is run by Kate, come and be her guest at the Junction. And there's Uncle Joe, he's a-movin' kinda slow At the Junction. (Petticoat Junction!) The above (excepting song lyrics) from the great series PORNO-TV by the aforementioned Bush. (Shelby, if you've got a problem with this plagiarism, you'll have to notify me. That way I'll at least get to talk with you. I've got a lot of praise to shower on you.) ------------------ As the Cannonball came into view around the bend and seemed to grow in size as it approached, a figure hanging out the engine window became apparent. From the engineer's cap, it was sure to be Floyd- but why was he leaning so far out of the Cannonball as it came to its stop at the Shady Rest? "You're never going to catch them after you blow the whistle, you old coot," Charlie said and made Floyd jump. "Never is a long time," Floyd said to his conductor with a grin, "and I'm not about to give up just the one time that one of the girls gets careless." Charlie muttered something about 'damned old fool' under his breath, but it was the teasing banter of long acquaintance and flavored with a personal conviction of the validity of Floyd's quest to catch one of the Bradley girls flitting about in the buff. He could remember when they ran anround in tiny little underpants with no tops- man, would he like to catch any one of them in that costume today. It was a totally clothed and concerned Bobbie Jo that waited at the water tower for the Cannonball to make its stop. She didn't look like she was going into Hooterville, but Charlie stood with his step at the ready just in case. "Any packages for me?" Bobbie Joe yelled out over the hiss of the steam engine's air brakes. "Why don't you come aboard and help me check?" Charlie said as he reached down to help the tall brunette onto the train. "Now, about how big would this package be?" Charlie asked, hoping to pry all the details from Bobbie Jo. "About this big," said Bobbie Jo, indicating a size about that of a dress box. "So now do we have a painter at the Shady Rest?" he asked, hoping she would correct his wild surmise. "What the hell are you talking about?" Bobbie Jo asked him, staring sharply at Charlie. "I thought it might be a mail order artist set," Charlie mumbled as he pulled open the door to the mail car. Hardly, Bobbie Jo thought to herself. Scanning the room, Bobbie Jo at first missed the lone package sitting in the middle of the floor. She saw the label: Acme Art. Charlie was toying with her. Not only had he known her package was here, he had looked it over and thought he knew what was inside. Of course he was wrong. But you don't just put "Not the Momma! - In-home abortion kits" on the outside of packages. Bobbie Jo smiled and decided to feed Charlie's misconception. "Oh goody, now I can be the Hooterville Picasso," she giggled brainlessly for Charlie's benefit. Kate was hurrying down to the train as she met Bobbie Jo walking back with a package under her arm. "The Cannonball hasn't left yet, has it?" she asked her daughter. "You better hurry, they were getting up steam when I got off," Bobbie Jo replied. "I've got to get into Drucker's for some baking powder, or we won't have biscuits at supper tonight," she called back as she trotted off to catch the train. Betty Jo dropped her baseball mitt and sat down on top of it. This was Newt Kiley's cornfield wasn't it? It was nine o'clock, wasn't it? Where was the rest of the team? Weren't they the ones that had been so desperate to get the only girl on the team out in a cornfield for a game of strip mumbly-peg? She got out her pocketknife- a swell Barlow and began sticking it in the ground between her feet while she waited. Billie Jo was primping in her mirror- testing the way her highly-sheened golden hair settled around the collar of her new Chinese silk blouse when she tossed her head. She was going to be a knock-out as Blanche DuBois in A Streetcar Named Desire at the Pixley Community Theater. And the way she looked now, there was no way that director- Bernie- whatever- could turn her down for the role. "I have ahl-whays rah-lihed on the kindness of str-rhang-hars" she murmured to herself as she went to Bernie's room to read for the part. The director was obviously a city feller. Here it was past nine and he was still in his robe. When he sat down, she saw he was naked under the robe. She tried not to be obvious as she looked at the parting of his robe where it revealed a glimpse of his penis hanging limp against his thigh. "Well if it isn't Blanche DuBois," he said and then examined her carefully, "But aren't you a bit young to play this washed-out harridan?" That was a new one on Billie Jo. Too young and pretty to be Blanche? She wondered if he was trying to back out of the promise he had made over supper. She wanted this part so bad. "But I know this part so well," Billie Jo protested, "I know I can do a great job." "It's a pretty demanding role. I wouldn't want you to do anything you're not ready for," Bernie said. "I've lived. I'm not just a girl from a hick town. I can handle it," Billie Jo professed. "Well, we'll see how it goes. I just have trouble seeing you in the rape scene with Stanley," Bernie went on, "Will you read that with me to set my mind at rest?" Billie Jo had barely finished nodding when he was up and grabbing her by the arm like the animalistic Stanley Kowalski. She stuttered out Blanche's lines with her own feeling of danger. Then Bernie pressed her back until she fell on the bed and climbed on top of her. "What are you doing?" she asked as the director clawed at her underwear. "I'm a believer in the Method," Bernie growled, "I have to live the part." Billie Jo could see that. His robe was wide open now and the cute penis she had glimpsed was now an erect, raging cock straight and pointed directly at her womanly opening. "Oh Jeeze! I'm not ready," she yelped as he pushed the plum-colored head inside her, "You're not supposed to be--Blanche," he reminded her as he lunged and buried the rest of his hard member in her pussy. There were no lines for this part. It wasn't in the version of the play she had read. She tried to make up Blanche-like protests as Bernie continued to pump his cock in and out of her in a very realistic performance of the rape. "Oh baby, pretend you like it now, show me how you do it," Bernie gasped as his cock pounded against her harder and deeper. Billie Jo rocked her hips in time with the director's thrusts and lifted her thighs to throw her legs over his back. He humped her faster as she began to co-operate. "Oh God! Take it Blanche!" he groaned and Billie Jo felt his cock swell inside her and the warm flood of his cum squirting out inside her. In a moment he grinned down sheepishly at Billie Jo and said, "I was wrong. You'll make a great Blanche. You've got the part. I hope you want to practice the role with me a lot more, though." Billie Jo smiled. At least this was one time that she got what she wanted without her mother or her sisters having to pull some kind of hijinxs to help her. Betty Joe heard a noise in the corn behind her. She waited without turning around. "That you Jimmy?" she asked as the steps stopped behind her. "Yeah, squirt, it's me," Jimmy said, but he didn't seem happy about it. Betty Jo turned to see what was wrong. There was only Jimmy. None of the rest of the team was with him. "Don't call me squirt," Betty Jo snapped, "Where's the rest of the guys?" "They ain't coming. I just came to tell you that," Jimmy said. "After all the boasting and bragging they were doing to get me out here? What's wrong with them now?" Betty Jo snorted. "Well, I think they were worried about that bragging," Jimmy explained. "It finally hit them that you'd skunk them in mumbly-peg and it wouldn't do no good to be standing around in their birthday suits in front of you." "Oh, I see- it was fine if I got jay-bird naked, but they don't want me to see their little things," Betty Jo said in a huff. "So what about you- you going to chicken out too?" Jimmy blushed bright sunset red. "Well, I know you can whip me at mumbly-peg, but I'll show you mine if you show me yours," Jimmy said digging in the dirt with his toe. "Howdy Kate, what can I get for you?" Sam Drucker asked as she walked into his store. Kate glanced around the store to make sure they were alone and then said salaciously, "My biscuits need some rising, Sam. You got anything that might pump them up?" Sam's bald head almost bounced off his shoulders as he grinned at the well-preserved widow. "Let me get on my pumpin' up hat," Sam grinned as he reached under the counter where he kept the condoms. Sam fumbled for a minute behind the counter and then opened the gate for Kate to come back with him. "Gotta step into the pumpin' up room," Sam grinned some more as Kate giggled when she saw the condom sitting on Sam's erect cock like a football helmet. The top flour sack in Sam's back room had the impression of Kate's somewhat wide backside in it and she she settled into it like an egg in the nest. She pulled up her skirt and lifted her legs to show off her 'biscuits' for Sam. "Don't you want to kiss or something first?" Sam asked as he stared into the cheery red chink between Kate's upraised thighs. "Sam Drucker! If you don't put that thing in me right now, I'm getting my baking powder and going home," Kate snapped and then softened to add, "I've been stroking myself all the way from the hotel thinking about this." Sam rolled the rubber the rest of the way down over his hardon and moved between Kate's legs. "Maybe a little feel of your titties?" Sam asked. "Sam- PUSH!" Kate demanded and he pushed his cock all the way into her. Kate sighed as the nice-sized piece of man-meat filled her need and she calmed down a little bit. Sam wiggled his hips with his cock deep inside her and Kate melted into the flour sacks under her. "Go ahead and feel me up if you want, I didn't mean to snap at you," she purred as Sam's cock drained away all her frustrations. Sam nodded as if that needed some comfirmation and then his google eyes went wide as his hands gathered in the soft mounds of Kate's breasts. His hips began to saw his cock in and out of Kate automatically as he fondled the mounds. "Here, let me get them out," said ever-in-charge Kate as her hands went to the buttons of her dress. She wanted Sam to roll her nipples between his fingers while he filled her full of cock and then pinch them as she got to the climax. It might be the same old thing, but it was a good same old thing. She pulled her bra down under her breasts to push them up for Sam and then laid back to enjoy as his fingers found the erect nubs. Hot Damn! Kate let herself think a small obscenity as Sam plowed into her with increasing energy. She missed her clitoris being rolled like a marble in the mud, but Sam's solid cock and steady rhythm was doing the job. "My biscuits are baking!" Kate moaned loudly as a codeword for Sam to pinch her nipples now. She sent up a fog of flour dust as her hips banged against the sack. She writhed and jerked as Sam drove her over the edge. She felt Sam's cock in every detail as her spasms clamped her pussy on his rod. And then the meek storekeeper began to ram into her with uncharacteristic brutality as her climax drove him on to one of his own. Their short reverie was interrupted as Uncle Joe bumbled into the storeroom. "Sam, you ought to...." Joe started and then stopped when he saw what Sam was doing, "What kind of way is this to treat your paying customers?" That outrageous remark made Sam forget his state and position and he shot back, "Joe Carson, you never paid for nothing in your entire life." "Where'd you get the money, Joe?" Kate chirped up from her unseemly position, instantly suspicious about another of Uncle Joe's schemes. "Oh Kate-" Joe said, realizing for the first time who it was that Sam was servicing. "Kate, why didn't you tell me you needed-- umm- ahh- ohh-," he stopped realizing what he was saying and then started over. "Well, Sam I'm going to get a pickle," he said, backing out of the room. "I better get out there and watch him. Sorry, Kate," Sam said as he quickly tucked his cock- rubber and all back in his pants. "It's all right, Sam, you raised my biscuits just fine. Now I'll be needing that baking powder," Kate smiled at her erstwhile lover. Back at the Shady Rest, Bobbie Jo was adjusting the loops hanging from the supports of her mother's four poster bed. "There. Is that better Hernrietta?" she asked the supine figure on the vinyl sheet. "I guess so," said the gaunt girl laying with her feet in the loops like gynocoligist stirrups. Bobbie Jo opened the in-home abortion kit and lifted out a speculum. "Gee, Jimmy, I didn't know you thought of me as a girl." Betty Jo said, saying 'girl' as if the word tasted bad. "No, m'am," Jimmy answered quickly, "I think of you as the best shortstop at Hooterville High, but I guess I'm queer for shortstops." Betty Jo laughed at the earnest way he admitted his passion for her, but there was another feeling stirring in the crotch of her dungarees. She might not want to act like a sissy girl, but that didn't mean she didn't want to get laid. And Jimmy had always been the nicest to her. He was the one boy that stood up for her when she first wanted to play for the team. She looked up from her seat into the crotch of Jimmy's pants. Unless that was a sock, she might really enjoy this game. "Ok, Jimmy, but you go first," Betty Jo said. Jimmy swallowed hard and started undoing the buttons on his shirt. When he was down to his underwear, the bulge had become quite prominent and unmistakable. Jimmy hesitated. "Is that all of me you want to see? My underwear?" Betty Jo prompted Jimmy. "Gosh no," Jimmy said as he pushed down his shorts and his erection bobbed up to slap against his belly when he freed it. "Gotta go home now," Betty Jo joked with the naked boy as she jumped to her feet as if she was leaving. But then she turned back to Jimmy and put her hands to the buttons of her flannel shirt. He was going to get an eyeful right away. She could feel her nipples hard as buttons and she had worn a tight t-shirt instead of a bra for the strip-tease game. She opened her dungarees as Jimmy's eyes crawled over the succulent swells of her breasts outlined in the tight shirt topped with the erect towers of her nipples. His eyes only trailed down when she hooked her thumbs in the waistband of her panties and pushed them over her slim, but still womanly hips. She was afraid that Jimmy was going to pass out when she pulled the shirt over her head and stood naked in front of the naked lad. "Gee, Betty Jo, you're pretty like a Playboy centerfold," Jimmy stammered. At most other times, Betty Jo would have punched Jimmy in the arm, but standing naked and excited in front of him she took it as a compliment. She guessed she didn't mind looking like a girl if she didn't have to act like a girl. "Can I touch it?" she asked and Jimmy nodded. She wrapped her hand around his hard cock like it was a baseball bat and was surprised at how soft it felt despite being so rigid. Jimmy winced as she squeezed it and she let up a little. "Did I hurt you?" you asked. "A little- but please don't stop," Jimmy said hurridly. "Does it feel that good?" she asked, seeing the look of pure bliss on his face. "Oh yeah," Jimmy sighed as she moved her hand along his length. "Then I want you to touch me too," Betty Jo pouted and pulled his hand to her bush with her free hand. "Oh god, Jimmy, what are we doing?" Betty Jo moaned as his hand found her secret place and sent a shiver through her body. "That makes me feel so funny way down deep in my stomach." "Well, I hope we're going to fuck," Jimmy said. That was a hard one- and she didn't mean Jimmy's hardon. She knew her mom had to fuck. Billie Jo spread her legs for every cute guy that came into the hotel and she was pretty sure Bobbi Jo did the same thing with her girlfriends. But it was the ultimate act of being a girl. She didn't want to be a boy, but she wasn't sure about crossing the line to for-sure girlhood. "I don't know.....," she hesitated, "can I still play shortstop?" "Sure, I don't think it will affect your fielding," Jimmy replied. No, it wouldn't matter to Jimmy. And she had this terrible itch. And his cock looked so inviting. Heck, she wasn't scared. "How do we do it?" she asked him. "Well, I put my thing in..." he started. "No, I know that. I mean who gets on top?" she said impatiently. "Well, it only seems normal for you to be on top, I guess," Jimmy finally decided. With that he started to squat down, waiting to be sure Betty Jo's hand was following him and then sat on the ground. She started to follow him down, but he stopped her. "I got to lick it first, my sister told me," Jimmy said. Betty Jo graciously thanked Jimmy's sister as his tongue came in contact with her slit. It was like a squirmy worm and wet. I gave her even a broader chill up her back than his fingers had. And now she had no question if she wanted to or not. She didn't think the itch it gave her could be scratched by anything but the pole that projected from Jimmy's groin. "Let me sit on it now," Betty Jo begged as her knees started to shake from his insistent licking. Jimmy laid back onto his elbows and she got down on her knees astride him. She held his cock tight beneath her and let it rub up and down on the lips of her pussy. Yes, she wanted it. She wanted it bad. "Does it hurt much?" she asked with the last of her reservations. "No- not at all- feels real good- like a tender pot roast," Jimmy said. Well, she wasn't going to fuck his mind. She settled down and felt the wonderful parting of her lips over the dome of his manhood. But then it hit her hymen. It was a living part of her that she felt a moment of regret for. Then she scrunched up her face and slammed down onto Jimmy. Hmmmm- not even as bad as a floor burn. And right now she had a feeling of fullness that she couldn't take in all at once. There was that hard thing so deep inside her feeling as Jimmy's cock probed her untried depths. And there was the Thanksgiving turkey feel of being spread wide and stuffed full by the cubic displacement of his cock. "Hot damn! This is as good as baseball!" she yipped. "Better," Jimmy sighed. She thought Jimmy was trying to steady her as he lifted his hands to her swinging breasts when she started to move back and forth on him. Then she found it was just another marvelous addition in the world of sex she had stepped over into as he stroked the firm flesh and more little currents of electricity began to spark through her body. "You can play with them rougher than that," she scoffed at Jimmy as she found just the up and down stroke that made his cock rub best against the little button of her clit. "I ain't playin'- I'm serious, Jimmy told her, but just the same, his hands closed tighter on her tits. His butt was thumping in the dirt as he tried to help Betty Jo make total use of his dick. To him it mattered, but it had become a secondary concern for Betty Jo. That filled up, poked deep inside feeling was great but it was only the setting of the real drama of her clit rubbing against him and crushing on his belly as she pressed down tight on him. There was no doubt this was the real McCoy. When she had tickled the impertinent peak before, she had a feeling of emptyness as the pleasant waves surged through her. Now she knew what her pussy had been hungry for. It wanted to be stuffed full of cock when her systems went on overload and her body took over control for itself. "Ohhhhh- Betty Jo- I'm going to do it! I'm going to pop!" Jimmy wailed like a siren as she bounced on his rigid peg. Oh gosh, not yet, not yet, she thought as she frantically tried to rub against him faster to make it to climax before he was through. But about three strokes later, she felt his cock jerk inside her and there was suddenly something runny- up there. "NO! No-you don't. You're going to keep doing it until I cum too," she tried to badger Jimmy He was making sounds like a whiney puppy, but they were contented sounds as she rammed her hips down on him harder to find her own release. And finally it came and she frozen in trembles as it washed over her like the ice-water bath after a big game. "Fuck me, Jimmy, fuck me fast, I can't move," she cried out as the temors overcame her. "I can't, you got me squoze too tight," Jimmy said as her vagina spasmed tightly on his still-hard cock. But he tried and she felt a feeling like crying shake her chest as her breath came in ragged sobs. Then she shivered as if hit by a cold wind and collapsed on top of her teammate. "Bettern mumbly-peg," she groaned into Jimmy's chest. "Bettern anything," Jimmy sighed back. "Now didn't I warn you about men?" Bobbie Jo was lecturing Henrietta Plout as Henrietta swam in a fog of Demerol. "They only want one thing and when they get it, they're gone." Henrietta's eyes were open and pointed in her directions, but it was clear she was somewhere else. It wasn't Bobbie Jo she was seeing as she muttered in her sedated state. "I would have been a marvellous Blanche, honest I would," Henrietta mumbled, "Didn't I work on that rape scene over and over? Why? Why? Why?" It was good she wasn't complaining of the pain. Bobbie Jo checked again and saw there was no unexpected bleeding. It had gone well. Maybe she could be a doctor. Billie Jo saw Bobbie Jo helping a huddled figure down the steps of the hotel. She could swear it was Henrietta Plout. Maybe her sister was gay. You'd have to be strange to see anything in Henrietta Plout. She was sure she had convinced that nice director fellow of that. At least he'd said he'd like to work with her some more. Broadway was calling! NEXT WEEK-- Who will be Bobbie Jo's next patient? And what is Uncle Joe going to do with that pickle?