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A Badly Writin Sex Story
by Vivian Darkbloom
My heart pounded as I saw my boobs growing, now to the size of
bowling balls. "Dan," I tapped my sweetheart lying in bed next to
me on the shoulder. "Use a pronoun to tell me that a group of
people are going to the market."
"There going to the store."
I screamed. Loud.
"What is it, dear? Calm down. What could the matter be?"
"Oh no," I recoiled in terror, from the hideous grammatic error,
not to mention the awful rhyme. "We're trapped! Caught in a badly
writin sex story!"
"Pipe down now sweetums. It'll be Ok. We'll just take a cold
shower, and everything will be fine in a jiffy."
"You first," I shoved him off the bed. He landed with a thud. My
boobs were up to the size of watermelons now, and I noticed his
dick swelling as well, ten inches as least, just sort of flopping
over the top of his jeans for now.
Would've done Pinocchio proud.
He disappeared into the bathroom, and I heard the sound of water
flowing. One spigot on, then off again. The other spigot, on then
off, back and forth. "Honey," he yelled back at me, "The cold
water isn't working. Just comes out lukewarm."
"Great," I called back. "It's no use. The author won't let us
escape until we have sex. Oh no, here go."
Dan reappeared, just in time to see the moisture stain growing on
my underpants, starting to drip through.
"Quick, go get a bucket," I shouted.
"They're out in the garage."
"Better hurry, before we lose all spatial coherence."
Swiftly he strode to the door, but by now his dick was extending
fully hardened, jutting out from his jeans over his head, and he
had to get down on the floor and crawl sideways in order to make
it through the doorway. "I'll be right back!" he said.
My boobs were as big as bathtubs now, and the erect nipples were
sharp enough to poke holes in the fabric. The moisture was
dripping from my cunny hole in copious quantities now, and a
puddle was forming on the floor. Soon, Dan returned with the
bucket, thrusting it beneath the increasing flow of cunny juice
that now flowed effusively. "Gee, haven't had this much fun since
the roof sprung a leak."
"So I guess we have to have sex now?"
"I gotta go pee first."
"Better hurry up. Here come the descriptions."
"Hurry? Why?"
"Hope you can hold it. All action is about to come to a grinding
halt for about twenty minutes."
Dan was a middle-aged man weighing 197 pounds and measuring 5'11"
when standing up straight, or 5'10.5" when slouched a little. He
was a caucasian. He had brown eyes. He liked drinking beer. He
watched football on TV on the weekends. He was wearing a white
undershirt that was maybe a little bit off-color white depending
on which light you viewed it in. He was wearing jeans. He was
wearing tennis shoes with white socks that were maybe a little
bit off-color white depending on which light you viewed it in,
but they were a different off-color white than the white
undershirt. His hair was medium brown, and he parted it on one
side. His hobbies included shopping at hardware stores and
working on cars. He drove a Ford pinto that was pale yellow and
had a sort of crushed left front fender. He worked at the local
plumbing shop selling fixtures and gaskets.
Bessie was a middle-aged woman weighing 158 pounds and measuring
5'6" except when in high heels, in which case it depended on how
high the heels were that she was wearing. For example, if she
were wearing heels that were 3" high, she would measure 5'9". She
was caucasian, and she had either blue eyes with a little bit of
green in them or green eyes with a little bit of blue in them,
depending on how you wish to describe them. Her drivers license
said they were blue, but they weren't really because they had a
little bit of green in them. She was wearing a light blue cotton
blouse, but it didn't match her eyes because the dress was a kind
of faded pale blue but it didn't have any green in it. She was
wearing a green dress that was pale and faded like the shirt, but
it didn't match the shirt and it wasn't the same shade as her
eyes because her eyes had blue in them but the dress was just
green, except for maybe some food stains from dinner last night.
Her hair was a sort of dirty blonde, and it was eight to ten
inches long, depending on where you measured. It fell to just
above her shoulders, unless she leaned her head to one side, in
which case it was long enough to touch the shoulder on whichever
side she was leaning her head towards. It wasn't really dirty,
because she washed it regularly in lukewarm water (since the cold
wasn't working) but it was a color often known as "dirty blonde"
on account of its resemblance to used dishwater. Her hobbies
included shopping at the local mall and sewing. She drove a brown
chevy Malibu that had a cracked windshield on one side. She
worked as a housewife and held tupperware parties sometimes.
Frantically, I tapped Dan's shoulder, to awaken him from the
coma. "Quick! Better go now, before the author forces us to have
sex!"
"Right!" By now his dick was so long it was folded over from the
ceiling to the floor and doubled back again, about 10 inches in
diameter and hard as rebar.
While he was squirming through the doorway, I opened the window
to empty the bucket. Splash! Onto some poor lady out walking her
poodle. "Sorry!" I said.
"Dear me, Miss," exclaimed the poodle-lady. "I recognize that
tone of despair. Are you caught in a poorly writin story?"
"Help!" I exclaimed. "Save us!"
"Of course dear. I'll go see if I can find an editor. Don't go
away!" and she toodled off with the poodle.
Dan returned, somehow having managed to relieve his bladder.
"What happens next?" he asked.
"Fuck me, my horny sex-stud. I want all of it inside me!" I heard
myself saying. Frantically I grabbed a piece of paper and
scrawled a note, holding it so the author couldn't see it.
Wretchedly unrealistic dialog! I had scrawled.
He nodded, rolling his eyes as he unwittingly replied "Oh baby. I
need to fuck your moist little cunny hole with my big hard dick."
`Moist' being a bit understated, given that I had already
half-filled the bucket again.
"Oh my great big manly man, give it to me now. Put your manly rod
inside of me. Give me all you've got," I uttered lustily,
meanwhile uncertain how such an act might avoid defying
geometrical impossiblility.
I had to move one of my boobs off of the bed so he would have
room to fuck my moist little cunny hole.
"Oh God, I'm cumming," he shouted.
"Where's the bucket?" I exclaimed, emptying it once more out the
window.
"Here it comes! Unh!" He said, as the cum spurted out. "Unh!" he
spurted. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt.
"Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!"
Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt.
"Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!"
Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt.
"Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!"
Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt.
"Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. Sorta like a CD with a
skip in it.
"Hold off a second," I said. "Gotta empty the bucket again."
"Right."
Splash! Out the window once more.
"Ready?"
"Yup."
"Ok. Unh!" he spurted. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt.
"Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!"
Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt.
"Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!"
Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt.
"Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!"
Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt.
"Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!"
Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt.
"Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!"
Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. "Unh!" Spurt. This went on for about a half
an hour.
Splash! Out the window once more.
"Watch how you aim that stuff dearie," I heard the poodle lady
again. "I got ahold of an editor, should be down in a minute."
"How can I ever thank you?!" I shouted gratefully. "The sooner
the better!"
"Here he comes along right now," the poodle lady said. "Poor
dear, It'll over soon."
How can I describe my ecstatic relief when I looked down once
more to find the mercifully sweet words:
T H E E N D
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