Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. Fiona Remembers (as told to) Videll Dais This is the story of my sexual awakening when I was just a young girl. My name is Fiona. I am a forty-four-year-old, happily married housewife and I live in the rural midlands of England. The story I am about to relate has never been told to anyone before - not even my dear and trusted husband. I have only agreed to allow Videll to tell my story on the very stict condition that real names and locations are changed and that I remain absolutely and completely anonymous. 1: My story begins in 1963 when I was seven. I lived with Mum, Dad and my sister, Kate, in a large house in a small country village in Hampshire. Kate was a very mature thirteen and had a boyfriend who was in the army. He was stationed in Winchester, was much older (seventeen) than my sister, and also was very handsome. They were very much in love. He used to stay at our house all the time. We all liked him and he soon became part of our family. His name was Paul. Paul was so much fun to be around. He would always make a big fuss over me. I loved all the attention. He used to pick me up from school in the village and he'd always baby-sit me when my Mum was at work. I suppose I was a bit lonely because there were no other children my age who lived close by so, apart from school times, I hardly saw any of my friends. Paul always played lots of games with me, would buy me loads of sweets and make me laugh all the time. Because Kate went to the big school which was three miles away, I would have Paul all to myself till she got home, usually about an hour after me, longer if she had a late class. Sometimes, Paul would sit on the sofa and watch television. He would let me sit on his lap and he would cuddle me for ages. One day he told me to stop fidgiting around. I teased him and wriggled my bum about even more so he started tickling me. He was so strong he held both my arms behind me or stretched over my head with just one of his hands and with the other he tickled me anywhere he liked and I couldn't do a thing to stop him. I screamed with laughter and nomatter how much I tried to twist and turn away from him, he held me firmly in place. During this rather one-sided wrestling match, my skirt had slid up around my belly and, though I didn't realise it at the time, Paul could plainly see my knickers. "You are such a naughty girl today," he said, "I think I will have to spank your bottom." I squealed with protest as he turned me over. "What a lovely round bum to smack," he said, and I felt his hand smoothing over my raised bottom. "Don't you dare," I said, giggling. "If you smack me, I'll tell Mum." "Oh, will you?" Paul said. "Then I'll just have to tell her how naughty you've been won't I?" With that, he started tickling me again only, this time, I could feel his hand on my bare skin. I was helpless with laughter and wriggling like crazy trying to get away. "Stop! Please stop!" I screamed. Paul held my arms up my back and placed his other hand on my bum to hold me still. "Are you going to be good then?" "Ok," I said, and lay still. "If you're really good, I'll take you to the store and buy you some nice sweets," Paul said. I felt his hand pulling my knickers up so tight they slipped into the crease of my bum and were cutting into me between my legs. I didn't move or say anything as his hand stroked the now bare cheeks of my bottom. It felt nice and made me shiver inside. "Well, are you going to be good young lady?" "Yes," I said. "You're not going to tell mummy anything are you?" Paul said, and he gently pushed my legs wider apart. "No, I won't," I said. "Promise?" Paul said, and I flinched as I felt a hot, sly finger slide slowly down between my legs. A weird, tingling excitement bubbled in my belly. "Promise," I said, my voice hardly above a whisper. I felt Paul slide his hand right under my knickers and over my bare skin. He had his whole hand covering my bum, one of his fingers deep in the crease, touching my very private bits. The finger gently tickled right down over my cunny lips. This was a completely new experience for me. I lay absolutely still, hardly able to breathe. My trembling legs relaxed and allowed him more room. It felt strange... but nervously exciting at the same time. "That's better," Paul said, "It's nicer when you're a good girl isn't it?" "Yes," I said, pressing my burning cheeks into the cushions of the sofa. Just then we heard the back door go. Paul removed his hand, pulled my skirt down and sat me up properly on his lap. Everything was normal when Kate came into the living room. When I went to my own room I couldn't stop thinking about Paul putting his hand in my knickers. I felt all hot and bothered. I Knew that what he'd done to me was wrong, naughty, not allowed, yet, I didn't care. I liked the way he'd touched me and if he did it again, naughty or otherwise, I would be a good girl and wouldn't tell: I would let him. Later that night, I got out of bed to get a drink of water. The house was quiet. Mum and Dad were out for the evening. I crept down the stairs to the kitchen. As I went past the living room I saw the door was ajar. The lights were out and the room was illuminated only by the rosy glow of firelight. I heard some soft moans coming from the gloom. Naturally curious, I took a peek. Paul and my sister Kate were on the sofa. I could clearly see they were kissing passionately. Kate's blouse was undone and her bra had been pushed up over her chest. As they kissed, Paul was caressing my sister's bare breasts. They were big, and her nipples were hard and pointed. The glowing firelight made her skin appear a warm pink. I felt that weird tingley feeling between my legs like when Paul had touched me there just hours before. It was obvious they were doing grown-up stuff. Feeling guilty and afraid I would be caught, I was torn between being good and returning to my bedroom to sleep and the almost insatiable desire to see more. I held my breath and decided to stay and watch. Paul played with both Kate's heavy breasts and tweaked her nipples with his fingers. Mouth dry, I saw him lean down and put each nipple between his lips. He sucked wetly on the hard nubs and Kate groaned. I was so naive and couldn't believe she was letting him do that to her. She was only thirteen. I could see she liked it, though, and I immediately felt envious of her. Paul kissed my sister's neck, her lips and face, then nuzzled into her ear and whispered something. I couldn't hear what he said, but my eyeballs nearly popped out my head as I saw my sister shyly reach for the zipper on Pauls jeans. She tentatively unzipped them and slid her hand inside. Paul moaned his approval. Then I heard him say, "Take it out." Kate did as she was told and a second later, shocked beyond belief, I saw Paul's thingy for the first time. I think I almost fainted. God, I felt my cheeks flush. It stuck right up out of his jeans, was long, thick and hard, and my sister's fingers could barely go around it. The top of it was shaped like a bell with a flared skirt where it joined the veiny shaft. Transfixed, I watched my sister's hand slowly pump up and down. "That's it," Paul said, his voice low, but clear enough for me to hear. "Wank it for me. Rub it nice and slow... Yes, Like that sweetheart. Perfect." Paul leaned his head back against the cushions and pushed his hips further forwards so his thingy seemed to stand up higher. I stared, cheeks burning and an itchy tingling between my legs. My sister slowly pumped the thick shaft. She was looking at it with rapt, wide-eyed attention, concentrating on rolling the loose skin back and forth over the shiny purple head. "Suck it a little bit," Paul coaxed. My sister looked up at him for a moment, then lowered her mouth to the swollen knob and slipped it between her parted lips. Paul gasped. "Oh, yes...Oh, yes! That's it. Good girl. Lick it. Use your tongue. Suck it deeper. Ooh...ye-es! Good. So good." Stunned, I watched as my sister slowly bobbed her head and sucked on that big thing. How could she do that? How on earth could she do something as naughty and rude as that? How yucky. I felt disgusted, but extremely excited, also. Butterflies fluttered furiously in my belly. I squeezed my little legs together as the itchy feelings between them got stronger. I was watching something so private, so naughty and forbidden yet, so thrilling. I felt all weak and trembly as I watched what my sister was doing. At one point, I thought I might collapse at any second. After a while, Paul gently raised Kate's head from his thingy and passionately kissed her. He got on his knees on the floor and ran his hands up the outside of my sister's legs - right up under her skirt. Half a second later he withdrew his hands, pulling down Kate's knickers at the same time. He slipped her knickers off her feet, put his hands on her knees and pushed her legs wider apart. Kate slid forwards on the sofa so her bum was right on the edge and Paul pushed her skirt up around her waist. God, I could see everything. She just lay there with her legs wide open. She had hair down there; not much, but enough to cast a light shadow over her girl parts. Paul stroked his fingers over her belly and down through the hair. My sister was breathing quite heavily. I could hear it panting through her slightly open lips. He seemed to make some adjustments and his jeans dropped down around his knees. I could see his bare bum. He moved closer between Kate's legs, paused, did something I couldn't quite see then slowly began rocking his hips in and out. Kate groaned loudly. I knew they were doing really bad stuff and I got scared. Quietly, I returned upstairs to my room. I lay in my bed, tossing and turning, for ages. My body was on fire and my mind was filled with all the naughty things I'd witnessed Paul and my sister doing. Eventually, I fell into a troubled sleep. 2: Nothing happened for quite a while after that. Paul had to go abroad with the army for two years. When he came back, we were overjoyed - especially Kate. She had been walking around like a bear with a sore head for the last six months or so. Paul was on leave for a couple of weeks and it was so good having him around again. He and Kate talked of getting engaged and decided it would be on her sixteenth birthday. Paul made a right fuss of me remarking on how much I'd grown up. He called me Foam instead of Fiona, said it was his special nickname for me. He said I'd make a fabulous little sister to look after. I had just turned ten and actually thought I was overweight, but Paul said not to be so silly. He said I was just right: Nice and cuddly. That made me blush and I felt embarrassed, but I liked what he said. I always liked what he said. The first afternoon Paul met me from school and we were alone together, I couldn't help thinking about the way he had touched me that time and what I'd seen him and Kate doing. I'd never told anybody about any of it and never would. I wondered if he would do it to me like he did Kate. He probably wouldn't because I was still only young and didn't have boobs yet or any hair down below. Nonetheless, the very thought scared me half to death, but made me all shivery inside as well. When we got indoors, Paul asked if I would make him a cup of tea. He loved tea so I said sure. While I was making it, he put the TV on and sat on the sofa. I took a cup into him and he thanked me. I sat in one of the armchairs across from him. I pretended to watch TV, but every now and then I'd look up and catch him staring at my legs. I don't know why, but I felt myself blushing and my heart was pounding ten to the dozen. After a while, Paul said, "I suppose you're too grown up now to sit on my lap." "No I'm not," I said, heart in my mouth. I kept my eyes on the TV screen and wondered if he could tell how nervous I was. "That's good then. Come over here," Paul patted his knees. I got up and went over to him. He put his hands on my hips and turned me so I had my back to him. He gently pulled me down on his lap and folded his hands across my stomach. I leaned back with my legs either side of his, my head on his shoulder, and put my small hands on top of his. "Why, Foam, you're trembling," he said. "Are you afraid of me?" "N-no," I mumbled, my cheeks flaming. "You couldn't scare me." "Well, I hope not. I love you too much to want to scare you. Are you sure you're ok?" "Yes," I said, snuggling against him, hoping to make him think I was completely relaxed even though I was anything but. I could feel the warmth of his body all down my back. "Did you miss me while I was away?" he asked. Not trusting myself to speak, I nodded yes. "Good. It's nice to be missed, especially by somebody as pretty as you," Paul said, close to my ear. His breath tickled and made me shiver. His hands were gently rubbing my tummy. I could feel my face burning and my heart felt as if it would burst from my chest. "You know," he went on, his voice soft against my ear, "I can't believe how much you've grown while I've been away. How old are you now? Eleven? Twelve?" "Ten, silly," I said. "It was my birthday four months ago. Don't you remember?" "Oh, yes. You're right. I am silly. How could I forget? I think I got confused because you are so much taller and look so much older. You're so soft and cuddly. Why, you've even got some little boobies showing." When he said that, I blushed hotly. "Don't be so rude," I said. "I'm not. I'm just being honest. You've become a very sexy little lady. I bet you've got a boyfriend now, eh?" "Of course I haven't," I giggled. "I'm too young to have boyfriends." "Oh, I don't think so," Paul grinned. "I bet there's a queue of boys at school waiting to take you out and do all that kissing stuff with you." "You're being silly again," I chuckled at the stupidity of what he was saying. "No I'm not. If I was a boy at your school, I'd want to take you out." "I bet you wouldn't. Why would you want to take a fat thing like me out?" Paul slid his hands up on my chest. I held my breath as his fingers, slowly and lightly, circled my little bumps, not actually touching them, but close...so close. "Because, for one, you're not fat just very sexy. Two, I'd want to kiss and cuddle you, and three, I'd like to touch your little titties, play with them and make you feel nice." "Y-You're tea...it's getting cold," I said hurriedly, trying to cover my embarrassment. "That's okay," Paul said, almost whispering. "I'll drink it later. Wow, look at that! You're nipples are all hard and sticking out through your T-shirt. Can I touch them?" I didn't know what to say. I squirmed in his lap. My belly churned and there was an itchy sensation between my legs, like I'd felt when I'd spied on Paul and my sister that night so long ago. I'd never forgotten it. "Well? Paul said, his fingers lightly moving on my chest, almost tickling, but in a different way, a nice way, that made me feel all shivery. "Okay," I said, my voice catching in my throat. "Thank you," Paul said. "I won't hurt you, Foam. You'll like it. I promise." I gasped as his fingers gently brushed over my hypersensitive, rigid little nipples. At the same time, he nuzzled against the curve of my neck and pressed his lips to my hot skin. Shivery sensations rippled down my spine and I felt a soft lumpiness beneath my bottom. Paul twisted and pulled each of my tingling little nips, not hard, but enough to make me raise my chest up and send electric shocks all through me. I wondered what was happening to me. All these new feelings were so overwhelming I could hardly breathe. "There, just relax," he said. "Is that nice when I do that to your little titties, eh? Do you like it?" "Yes," I whispered, my mouth so dry I could hardly say anything. I couldn't believe the rude words he was saying to me. I thought my whole body was on fire. "I knew you would," Paul said. "God, they feel lovely. Bigger than I thought. It won't be long before you've got boobs as big as Kate's." As he spoke, his fingers kept moving, gently rolling, pinching and pulling each of my tingling nipples. The sensations he was causing burst like fireworks all through me and I felt squidgy between my legs, like I had wet myself. I was shaking all over. "Just relax my little beauty," Paul whispered in my ear. "I'll make you feel really nice." With that, he slid his hands down, tugged at the bottom of my T-shirt and slipped his hands underneath. He pulled my vest out from my skirt and pulled both garments right up over my tingling nipples. I felt embarrassed that he could see my chest and tried to cover myself with my hands, but he pushed my hands down and held them in my lap whilst staring at my bare flesh. "It's all right, sweety, Paul said. "Relax. Don't be shy. You're little titties are beautiful." I turned my head away so he couldn't see me blushing. I felt so excited but, at same time, ashamed. My breasts were only small fatty mounds, hardly breasts at all really, yet, Paul seemed to like looking at them. I did as he said and tried to relax, but I desperately wanted to pull my legs together and curl up to cover myself. I couldn't stop my bum from wriggling down onto the now hard lump I could feel beneath me. From those old, but fond memories, I knew what it was that was causing that lump and the very thought sent hot thrills racing through my veins. "That's a good girl," Paul said, huskily. "That's it, wiggle that lovely bum against me. I like it when you do that. I think you're getting really excited aren't you? I'm going to kiss your hard little nipples to make you feel even more excited. Don't worry, my lovely, it'll feel really good." And Paul did just that. I felt his hot lips surround the rigid nub of my right nipple and when he sucked it into his mouth it was as if he were sucking my whole being into his mouth with it. He raked it with his tongue and I gasped,unconciously wriggling more into his lap. He pushed his hips up, pressing that hard lump into my bum as I moved. I closed my eyes and let the flow of delicious sensations wash over me. I knew what he was doing was really naughty, knew I shouldn't be allowing him to touch and kiss me this way, but I liked it. I didn't want him to stop. When his hand touched my right knee, I held my breath. God, was he going to touch me like he had before? Inside my knickers? I shuddered at the thought and my heart lept into my throat, but I made no move to stop him. 3: Whilst Paul hotly dragged his lips across to my left nipple, he smoothed his warm palm over my knee. Very slowly, he gradually moved it higher under my skirt, blazing a tingling trail up the inside of my trembling thigh. My belly quivered and I half-heartedly tried to close my legs, but he raised his knees and used them to spread and hold my legs wider. Paul lifted his lips from my nipple. I looked at him through hooded eyelids. He was smiling at me. "Do you like me kissing your lovely little titties?" I nodded yes, all the time conscious of his hand slowly moving ever higher under my skirt. "I knew you would. Do you remember when I was going to spank your bum that time?" "Yes," I whispered. "Do you remember what else I did?" "Yes," I nodded again. "Do you remember me touching you like this?" I gasped as he dragged a fingertip lightly down the length of my slit, over my knickers. I tensed my spread thighs wanting to close my legs, but making no attempt to do so. "Is that nice?" "Ooh, Paul..." I groaned as his palm pressed over my mound and his finger slowly and gently rubbed back and forth, up and down, up and down. I couldn't stop my hips humping against his electric touch. "That's it, sweety. Relax, let it happen. Let me make you feel really good." He touched me like that for a while, all the time looking at me, watching my face. Then he slid his hand higher up to my quivering belly and slowly, oh so slowly, slipped it down under the elastic waistband of my knickers. I gasped loudly as he cupped my bare mound and lay his middle finger full-length along my slit. "Oh yes, my sweet, you're cunny is so plump and wet isn't it? You're all grown up and ready for my cock." His finger moved relentlessly, sliding between my slippery nether lips, moving back and forth. He touched a special spot near the top of my slit that made me jump. He touched it again, moving the tip of his finger rapidly over the nub so that bursts of fire exploded in my belly. I groaned and writhed urgently against it. I'd never felt anything like it before. It was wonderful. I loved what Paul was doing to me. The feelings coursing through my quivering body were so intense. I felt breathless and faint. "Oh," I cried out. "What's happening, Paul? What's...hap-pening?" "It's all right, sweetheart," Paul whispered, his tongue dipping into my ear, tickling, making me shiver even more. "You're going to cum. Don't be afraid. Just let it happen. It's the best feeling in the world." I didn't understand what 'cum' meant, but I trusted Paul and let myself go. Then it happened: A surge of feeling welled up from my hot cunny to my fluttering belly to my heaving breasts and back again, flooding my writhing body with wave after wave of electric sensation. I cried out. "There," Paul whispered, his moist lips covering mine for a moment. "That was a beautiful cum, baby. Did you enjoy it?" I couldn't answer. Instead I shook my head indicating that I had. "Here," he said, "give me your hand." He took my limp wrist and wrapped my fingers around his thingy, his 'cock' as he called it. Somehow he had undone his jeans and released the long, thick rod without me even noticing. It felt huge, hot, hard and soft all at the same time. My heart was pounding with excitement. He covered my hand with his and, guiding my movements, showed me how he wanted me to caress it for him. I did what he wanted and, this time, it was his turn to groan with pleasure. "That's it, sweety," he moaned. "Wank my cock for me. You're doing great. Really good." I moved my hand up and down the hot pole of flesh. Paul seemed to enjoy what I was doing and humped his hips into my hand, matching my rhythym, and making me roll around in his lap. He put both his hands on the insides of my thighs and raised me higher up along his body. I wondered what he was doing when he took my hand off of his cock. I soon found out. I felt him pull my knickers to one side then he pressed the hot head of his cock against my bare, tingling cunny. I felt the fat helmet prise my plump lips apart and rub up and down my slippery slit several times. Then it seemed to lodge in me a bit. "God," Paul groaned again. "You excite me so much. You're so hot and juicy, Foam. My cock's popped right in there. Just relax. I'll be real gentle." "Are we doing sex?" "Oh, yes, baby," Paul panted. "This is what grown-ups do when they love each other. Do you like it?" "It's...nice," I said. Paul, breathing heavily, pushed the head in me and held it there. He put his hands on my hips and made me move so that the bulbous crown kept sliding in and out of my cunny lips, 'rimming me' he called it. It felt really nice and I couldn't help humping my tingling mound against it. I could feel his rough jeans rubbing my bum and I tingled all over. "That's it, baby. Fuck my cock for me. Make me cum." I had no idea what he meant so I just let myself follow his movements. In a while, the in and out motions of his shaft increased in speed. I could feel him going in a bit deeper, stretching me, filling me. It felt a bit sore, but didn't hurt much at all. Then he groaned and I felt his thing throbbing and twitching. He squirted stuff in me, hot stuff. I could feel his cock pumping and the stuff running out and dripping down my bum. Paul held me still while his cock continued to twitch and jump. He didn't take it out straight away, just cuddled me and kept kissing my cheek and lips. "Did you like that, sweety?" Paul said, his voice low. "Yes," I replied, still trying to calm down and take in what had happened. My tummy felt all quivery. "You've just experienced your first fuck," Paul said, and I felt him gently rock his hips, sliding the head of his cock slowly in and out of me. "God, you're so tight and hot. You've got a delicious little cunt. I didn't hurt you did I?" "No," I said. "It was okay." I was worried about getting caught, but when I looked at the clock on the mantlepiece I saw that we'd only been home for half an hour. So there was plenty of time left before anyone else got in. "You know," Paul said, "we must keep this a secret, not tell anyone ever. Do you understand that, Foam?" I nodded. "Of course. I never told about the last time did I?" "No. You're a good girl, a wonderful girl. I love you so much." "I love you, too." He gently eased his cock out of me. It was still hard. "Stand up a minute, sweetheart. Take your knickers off." I did as he asked. My legs felt really weak and shakey. I reached under my skirt and pulled my knickers down. Paul stood up as well. He took me by the shoulders and turned me around. "Bend over, sweety. Put your hands on the sofa." He pressed on my shoulders and I bent over. I felt him lift my skirt and turn it up my back leaving my bottom bare. He could see everything, but I didn't care any more. I felt Paul nudging my foot with one of his. "Open your legs nice and wide...That's it. Good girl. God, you're gorgeous." "What are you going to do?" I asked, slightly anxious, but excited as well. "I'm going to fuck you again, my sweet. This is just a different position. It's called doggy-style." Paul was feeling my bum, gently squeezing it, as he explained: "I want to get deeper in your cunt. My cum's inside you and it will make it easier for my cock to slide in a lot further. Just relax. I won't hurt you." I stayed in position while he touched me everywhere and fingered my plump cunny. I was so wet, I could feel Paul's stuff running down my trembling legs. He touched my bum and slid his finger in there a little bit. It felt strange, but sort of nice. I could look between my legs now and I saw Paul bend his knees slightly. He was holding his hard cock upright, sort of aiming it. Then I felt it nudging my lips apart again and sliding up me. Paul was right. It felt as if it were going way up into my belly. "Oh,yes," Paul said, and he gripped my hips and shoved his cock in deep. "Ow!" I yelped, as it felt a bit full and uncomfortable, and kept nudging against something inside me, but Paul gripped my hips and roughly started thrusting in and out with long slow strokes. "There, that's it. That's better isn't it? It's fucking right up you now, sweety." There was a squelchy noise and I felt the butterflies fluttering fiercely in my belly again. My legs were all wobbly and I thought I might fall over if it wasn't for Paul holding me the way he was. He reached one hand around my front and cupped my mound. "God, I love a fleshy, bald cunt," he said, and started fingering that magic spot at the top of my cunny. It felt so good. "I'm going to teach you everything, little girl," Paul said, pounding his hard cock into me. "I'll teach you to take cock in all your holes and be the best fuck ever." I yelped again as a mixture of pain and pleasure washed over me and Paul roughly fucked me for the second time. Paul seemed to do it for ages this time before I felt his cock throb and spurt right up my belly. My cunny, as tender and sore as it was, seemed to spasm around the fat shaft, gripping it tightly, not wanting to let it go. When Paul pulled it out, I collapsed on the sofa. "Just lay there, sweety," He said. "I'll be right back." Paul returned a minute or two later with a damp cloth. He pushed me flat and spread my legs wide revealing every part of my privates to him. I was so embarrassed, I covered my eyes with my hands. He washed my cunny, soothing it with the damp cloth. "Poor baby," he said. "You're little cunt is all red and sore. You really got a good fucking this time didn't you? You loved it. Look at your little clit sticking out. It'll get much better from now on, though, Foam. It'll feel wonderful, trust me. God, I've got to lick you and suck that pretty clit." It was then I felt the most wonderful sensation ever as Paul fastened his soft lips over my magic spot and began to use his tongue on it. I turned into a quivering heap and, gasping for air, squeezed my eyes shut and yelped like a playful puppy. "Lift your knees," Paul said. "Hold them up high with your hands. Make your bum stick right out. Good." I did what Paul said and he licked me all over, even my bum, sticking his tongue right in. Soon, the pleasure was upon me full strength and all the soreness disappeared at a stroke. I wriggled and writhed all over the sofa before the waves of hot sensation burst in my belly for the third time that day. True to his word, Paul did teach me everything and I enjoyed it all. He taught me how to talk dirty, suck his cock and swallow his cum; how to take it up my arse (as he called it) and how to be on top and fuck him with my tight little cunny. Each new experience carried me off to magic heights of pleasure and sensation and I was a willing pupil from start to finish. We fucked every chance we got until I was fourteen. Paul eventually married my sister and moved away, and I found myself a nice new boyfriend - six years older than me. No one ever found out about what Paul and I got up to. It was our treasured secret. I think, if the opportunity ever arose, I would let him fuck me again even though I'm happily married. He remains to this day, the only true master of my body.