Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. Please respect my copyright. If you want to make a copy or post this story on a website, or make a profit from it in anyway, please have the courtesy to ask me first. Any and all comments, especially constructive ones, are always appreciated. ====================================================================== Loss of Innocence by Vickie Morgan My name is Jamie Winters and I live at 6, Oak Avenue. My house has a green gate and a brown door. I like that. Brown is my favourite colour. Mum says it's important to remember that in case I ever get lost. My phone number is 01388 813118. That's harder to remember but Mum told it to me lots of times. If you tell me things often enough I remember them. I used to go to Special School but now I'm too old. I have a job instead. It's a very nice job. I collect the shopping trolleys from the supermarket car park. I have to be careful not to hit the parked cars and not to get in the way of the moving cars. Sometimes I help to carry people's bags. I'm very strong and I can carry lots of bags. Sometimes they give me money. I like that. I like the big brown pennies best. Brown is my favourite colour. I put them in my moneybox and when I have enough Mum takes me to the bank and I get a brown twenty pound note. I like that. Brown is my favourite colour. With one of my brown twenty pound notes I bought balloons. I bought lots and lots of balloons. It was hard to hold them all but I'm very strong. I bought red balloons and blue balloons and green balloons and yellow balloons and silver balloons and gold balloons. They didn't have any brown balloons. I didn't like that. Brown is my favourite colour. I was playing with the balloons in the park when some boys saw me. They liked balloons too so we played together. Their names are John and Peter and Steve. They're my friends now. John and Peter are six but Steve is seven. Steve can run fastest but I'm the strongest. I'm very strong. They showed me their camp. It's a secret place. We had to go through Peter's garden and climb over the fence and crawl under the prickly bushes. It's next to the river so there's no other way to get there. We tied the balloons to the bushes and when the wind blew they popped. It was fun. When we had to go home for tea they said I could play with them tomorrow. They're my friends now. I had a friend at Special School but he lived far away. I like having friends. We're going to build a hut. It's a secret though. I can't tell anyone about the camp. Mum said it was nice that I had friends. When she gave me special jam sandwiches she gave me extra to share with my friends. I love my Mum. She says I'm special. That's why I went to Special School and have special jam sandwiches. My friends were waiting for me in Peter's garden. We went to the camp and started building the hut. They all had some wood. I'm going to ask Mum for some wood for next weekend. We are going to build the best hut in the world ever. I gave them the special jam sandwiches and they liked them. Mum gave me some wood and I used my brown twenty pound note to buy some nails. John has a hammer. Steve and me hold the wood and Peter holds the nail and John hits it with the hammer. We are going to build the best hut in the world ever. We got all hot so we took our clothes off and jumped in the river. We had a mud fight. It was fun. We tried to wash all the mud off but when I got home Mum said I was filthy dirty and I had to have a bath. I like mud. It's brown. Brown is my favourite colour. The water in the bath turned brown. I liked that. Our hut is looking good. Mum helped me buy a window frame. We are going to build the best hut in the world ever. I wish I could show Mum but it's a secret. She understands. I love my Mum. We are building a dam in the river. Steve says it will make it deeper so we can jump in. We had another mud fight. I like mud fights. They're fun. We have nearly finished the hut. It's going to be the best hut in the world ever. Steve's Dad gave him some paint. It's brown. I like that. Brown is my favourite colour. Peter says it will make it harder for people to see the hut. We put the roof on. It was hard to do. We used our biggest bits of wood. I held the wood but it was very heavy. It's good I'm very strong. Peter is away on holiday so we were going to meet at the hut instead of in Peter's garden. I was there before John and Steve but there were people in the hut. There was an older boy and an older girl. They had no clothes on and they were rolling on top of each other. I thought the boy was hurting the girl because she was moaning a lot. I asked if she was OK and they said bad words at me. I told them that they were in our secret hut but the boy just laughed. The girl got cross and said she couldn't fuck with the idiot watching. I think she meant me. I don't know but I think fuck is a bad word. Lots of people call me an idiot. My Mum says they just don't know that I'm special. The boy asked if I had ever seen a girl with no clothes on. When I said no he laughed. He put my hand on the girl. Her skin was very soft. He made me squeeze the two mounds on her chest. He said they were called tits and girls liked having them squeezed. He said I should always ask a girl if I could see her tits. The girl didn't seem to like it. She put her clothes on and left. The boy said I couldn't tell anyone they had been there, it was a secret. I was glad they went. I didn't like them. John and Steve came and we finished painting the hut. I didn't tell them about the boy and the girl. The boy said it was a secret. We made the dam bigger. The dam is hard work. The water keeps knocking the stones down. Our hut is the best hut in the world ever. It is all brown. Brown is my favourite colour. When I was walking home Linda Murray from next-door saw me. She asked how I was. I remembered what the boy said and asked if I could see her tits. She got cross. She said I was a pervert. I asked my Mum what that meant. She asked why Linda called me that so I told her. Mum said the boy was being mean and trying to get me into trouble. Mum said that it was a bad thing to say and I mustn't say it ever again. I don't like that boy. Mum said it wasn't my fault. I love my Mum. Peter came back from holiday and he gave me a present. It's a house in a bubble. When I shake the bubble it snows. It is my favourite thing ever. He gave us all sticks of rock. Mine was brown. Brown is my favourite colour. The rock was very nice but we all got sticky and had to jump in the river. I have the best friends in the world ever. We were waiting for Steve outside Peter's house when some boys started being nasty. They called us horrible names and used bad words. Then one of the boys pushed John and he fell down. The boy kicked John. I didn't like that. John is my friend. I picked him up to stop him hurting John. He tried to kick me. Peter told me to drop him in the big prickly bush. The boy didn't like that. He shouted lots of bad words at me. John and Peter laughed a lot. When he got out of the bush he said he would make me sorry. John said I would put him back in the bush. He ran away. I didn't like him. John was hurt but Peter's Mum gave him a plaster. We went to our secret camp. We worked on the dam. The water is getting deeper. Steve had a spade. We used it to dig some of the mud from the bottom of the river. The water nearly comes to my waist. We take our clothes off so they don't get muddy and wet. Mum gets cross when I'm muddy. When I came home from work a policeman was waiting for me. He took me to the police station. Mum came too. She was unhappy. I know because she cried. She told me that some people were being nasty and all I had to do was to tell the truth. The policeman said it was an informal hearing. They asked me lots of questions about my friends. They wanted to know what we did together. I couldn't tell them because the camp is a secret. They asked if we ever took our clothes off. I said yes. They looked cross and Mum got cross. They kept asking questions and didn't like it when I told them it was a secret. If it is a secret you can't tell anyone. I can't even tell Mum. I don't know why that made them cross. They told me to sit outside while they talked to Mum. She brought me an ice cream. I like ice cream. It was brown and chocolate. Brown is my favourite colour. While I was eating my ice cream the nasty boy who hurt John sat next to me. He was laughing and saying he had told me so. He said I was going to go to prison. I don't like him. Then the boy and girl who I saw in the hut saw us. They asked the nasty boy what was going on. He said he had told the police I had sexually abused him. I don't know what that meant but they all laughed. It must be a joke. Then the older boy got very excited and told the girl to go see the police. He said that if she said the retard had got her up the duff then she could get an abortion and they would both be off the hook. I don't know what that meant either. Some people call me a retard. Mum says only silly people who don't know I'm special say that. The girl went into the police station. The nasty boy knocked my ice cream onto the floor and they both went away. I don't like them. Mum came and got me. I told her about my ice cream and she said she would get me another one later. The police asked me if I had ever hurt a girl. I said no. I don't hurt people. They asked if I had ever seen a girl with no clothes on. I said yes. They asked if I had touched her. I said yes. They asked what else I had done. I told them it was a secret. They looked cross and Mum was upset. They made me sit outside on my own again. Mum came out and we went home. Mum forgot about my ice cream. She says we have to go back tomorrow. I hope she will get me an ice cream then. I didn't go to work today. We went to the police station again. They put me in a room with a big mirror. I could see myself so I pulled funny faces. I'm good at funny faces. Then Mrs Green came in. She was my favourite teacher at special school. She is very nice. I showed her my best funny face. She made me sit down and then she talked to me. She told me all about sex. I didn't like it. It sounds nasty. She said that's how all babies are made. I don't think that's how I was made. Maybe that's why I'm special. Mum wouldn't do something nasty like that. She asked if I had ever tried to have sex. I said no. She asked lots of times. She asked what I did when I saw the girl with no clothes on. I told her it was a secret. She said I must never try to have sex with anyone without asking Mum first. I don't want to have sex. It sounds nasty. I asked if she had sex. She said yes. I don't know why she would want to. I wish she hadn't told me about sex. They left me alone again. Then the policeman and Mum came and talked to me. They said the evidence was inconclusive. They weren't going to press charges but they didn't think I was innocent. I don't know what they meant. Then they said I couldn't play with my friends anymore. I don't like that. I don't understand. I can't go to work anymore either. I don't know what I've done wrong. Mum took me home. She talked to me about sex again. I wish she wouldn't. I don't like it. She made me promise never to see my friends again. I don't know why. I'm very unhappy. Copyright Vickie Morgan, 1999 E-mail artemis55@hotmail.com