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 Visits Uther Pendragon nogardnePrethU@gmail.com fsolo

   "Well, Pamela, do you remember any of your dreams?" "Remember them?  I
can't forget them." [5 min.  36 sec] "Can you tell me one?" "They're all
the same.  I'm lying in bed with my nightie pulled up.  Strange men are
looking at me." "We're almost out of time.  We'll talk about this next
week." ----- "On our last visit, you were telling me about your dreams."
"Not really.  I mean that I told you about the men looking at me.  What I
didn't tell you is that I'm playing with myself." "You're masturbating in
the dream?  And men are watching you?" "Yes.  And I can't stop." "Well,
these men.  Are they merely an audience that you have made up of generic
men?  Are they people you recognize?  Either in real life -- teachers or
salespeople -- or actors in movies or TV?" "What does this have to do with
my eating anyway?" "To eat more than you need and then vomit it out is
contrary to the best nutritional advice.  You knew this when you met me,
didn't you?" "Well, duh?" "So, if you do that when you know better, there
must be a reason.  I'd guess that the reason is something that concerns
you." "It doesn't have to be this." "No it doesn't.  But, usually, our
dreams reflect what concerns us.  You have this dream; it probably deals
with something which concerns you." "Maybe the binge-purge is about
something else." "Maybe.  More likely, it's how you -- subconscious you --
deal with any number of concerns.  I've read fiction in which the client
suddenly sees something.  He's instantly cured.  I've never seen that in my
practice; I've never read it in the psychiatric journals.  I suspect it
only happens in bad fiction." "Can we talk about something else?" "Sure we
can.  If it's something which concerns you less, though, it is less likely
to be the cause of your problem." "I can't talk about it." "What do you
worry about when you're in school? . . ." ----- "Have you had the dream
again since your last visit?" "Yes.  two, no three, times." "You know, you
talk as if this dream bothers you.  Even if it's not connected to the
binge-purge, talking it out might lay it to rest." "You really won't let
go, will you?  The men are perfect strangers." "Are they looking on in
disapproval?  Getting a peek at a girl acting sexy?  Just looking in your
direction without expressing anything?" "They are shocked." "You say 'men.'
Are they all males?' "Yes.  They are all men." "You say that you don't know
them in real life.  They are your dream creations; you might know a great
deal about them even if they are not based on anyone in particular.  Do you
know what sort of men they are?" "They are wearing business suits.  Look,
Dr.  Barnes, this is as far as I can go." "Very well.  Have your parents
been pushing you in a way that you consider unreasonable recently? . . ."
----- "We were talking about your dream on our last visit." "Yes." "I
should have asked you this earlier.  Has anything like this happened to you
in real life?  Not the audience of strange men, but have you ever been
caught masturbating?" "Dr.  Barnes!" "That would cast the dream in an
entirely different light.  And that was neither a 'yes' nor a 'no.'" "I
don't play with myself." "Except when you are dreaming." "Well, yes." "And
you say that you can't stop.  Does that mean that you reach a climax in the
dream?" "No.  I just go on and on." "You say you have your nightie pulled
up.  I presume the sheet is put aside." "You know, I never asked what
happened to the sheet -- and blanket in the winter." "Dreams involve what
is important to the dream.  Is your room not there, either?" "I guess.  The
men aren't standing on the dresser or anything." "And you share the men's
disapproval?  I'm guessing from the way you expressed that you didn't
masturbate." "I'm a good girl.  I'm not crazy for all I'm seeing you."
"You're not crazy.  Craziness doesn't have anything to do with masturbation
in most cases.  You don't think that masturbation leads to insanity, do
you?" "No.  Does it?" "No, I didn't think you thought so.  It was a popular
idea long ago, but before my time -- let alone yours.  The other point is
that lots of good girls masturbate." "You think I should?" "I don't mean
that you should or that you should't.  'Should' isn't my job.  My
profession avoids the 'shoulds.'" "You said I shouldn't eat too much."
"Yes. As an example.  The idea is that you make your decisions.  My job is
to help you see the options before you and to help you see the decisions
you have already made." "You sounded like you were suggesting it." "That's
because you have made a moral judgment that I haven't made.  I also haven't
made the opposite moral judgment." "You think it is all right." "Sort of
'yes.' I think it is a decision that many women make for positive reasons.
They want sexual pleasure.  For one of many reasons, they don't want a
sexual relationship at that particular moment." "Like what reasons?" "We're
getting off the point.  You're talking about others rather than talking
about Pamela.  But I'll go along this byway for now.  Some women are in a
relationship which can't be sexual at the time; their chosen man is out of
town, for example.  Others are waiting for better choices than are
available at the current time.  Are you in a sexual relationship?"
"Certainly not." "While I avoid 'shoulds,' I do think that is the wisest
course at your age." "I won't ever." "Have you decided to never get
married?" "That's not what you mean." "That's part of what I mean.  A
marriage is usually a sexual relationship.  Some of the women who don't
want to be in a sexual relationship right now are engaged.  They don't want
to participate in intercourse until after their wedding." "And you think?"
"That this is their decision.  Theirs and the grooms', of course.  I don't
get a vote.  I don't get a vote on your behavior, either; but, as I said, I
think that a girl your age is wise to delay intercourse.  The results are
seldom positive." "But you don't say it is immoral." "Never say 'never.'
Many high-school girls having intercourse are being exploited by the boy.
Almost all of the rest are in a relationship in which both ar acting
destructively.  Can there be sexual relationships before high-school
graduation which are healthy?  Certainly.  The problem is that every
high-schooler in a sexual relationship -- every one in a romantic
relationship, for that matter -- thinks that they are the exceptions. 
Almost none of them are.  But we've wandered far into the general, and this
time it's my fault." "You don't think kids are very smart, do you?"
"'Smart' has nothing to do with it.  Having destructive relationships has
nothing to do with IQ.  For that matter, it has nothing to do with age. 
I've seen couples in their fifties locked together in mutually destructive
relationships.  Experience has a little to do with it.  Sometimes, people
say: 'I've felt like this before.' Sometimes they say: 'I've known other
people like that.' Society has a lot to do with it, too.  I don't think
marriages were less successful when the average groom was 16 than they are
when the average groom is 26, but 16-year-olds could get a decent job in
those days.  Today, a couple as young as 16 are heading for trouble. 
Anyway, you are smart; does it help you?"
"Not very much.  It just lays more demands on me.  But that is

school-smart; it isn't smart." "Maybe.  That is something to talk about on
our next visit." ----- "Have you had the dream in the past week?" "Yes. 
Aren't we going to talk about being smart?" "You are an intelligent girl.
That helps you a great deal in understanding books.  It can help you to
understand yourself, but you have to work at it." "It doesn't help others
understand me." "No.  What we are seldom helps how others behave.  What we
can handle is how we behave." "I don't see how understanding myself will
help with how my teachers treat me." "Maybe not.  It does help with how you
treat yourself.  And, after all, your English teacher has you in her power
for five hours a week; she's worrying about a score of other students in
that time.  You are inside your skin 168 hours a week and pay attention to
yourself most for almost every one of those hours.  Besides, if you
understand yourself, you may start understanding the behaviors that the
teachers respond to." "So you think it's all my fault." "Not at all.  I
think that you can control Pamela.  You can change how Pamela acts.  When
you see others reacting to you, you can decide whether to change the way
you act to change that.  But, anyway, the problems you've laid out to me
don't concern those others directly.  Your parents and your teachers aren't
stuffing your mouth; they aren't sticking their fingers down your throat.
They don't make you have that dream." "I can't change having that dream! 
I've tried." "Maybe you can't.  Maybe you can.  What methods have you
tried?" "I've told myself not to.  I've tried to keep awake.  I've prayed.
I even tried to keep the light on." "The last is an interesting point.  But
having tried some things doesn't mean that there are no things that could
work." "I've tried everything I can think of.  What else is there?" "Good
question.  Let me get a little clearer on the dream.  You mentioned that
you normally sleep with the light off." "Well, duh?" "In the dream, the
watching men are shocked.  That implies that they can see you." "I suppose.
I don't know where the light comes from." "On the other hand, you're in
your bed -- both in reality and in the dream.  What other parts of the
dream agree with reality?  The sheet, as you've said, is not there?" "No."
"In the dream, your nightie is pulled up.  Is it really pulled up while you
are dreaming?" "I suppose so." "In the dream, your hand is between your
legs.  Is it there in reality?" [2 min.  23 sec.] "I guess." "In the dream,
you're rubbing yourself.  When you lie there in bed while dreaming, do you
think you're really rubbing yourself?" [6 min,] "Do you think you're really
rubbing yourself?" [1 min, 17 sec.] "Maybe.  I can't talk about this." "All
right.  Think about this for the next week.  What do you need that the
dream supplies?" "I said I wouldn't talk about that!" "We won't talk about
that today.  Change of subject.  Do you lock your door when you go to bed?"
"No.  My room doesn't have a lock." "Does your parents' bedroom have a door
which locks?" "Yes.  What do you think?" "How does the lack of a lock on
your door make you feel?" "I have complained about it.  They treat me like
a little girl, a prisoner.  That's not the only way I'm treated like a
little girl.  Most of my friends have their own numbers in the phone book."
"And you don't?" "No.  I have a cell, but you only know the number if I
tell you." "Back to the lock.  You remember that I told you that I wouldn't
repeat to your parents anything you told me without your permission." "You
want to talk about what I've told you?" "No.  The truth is a little
stronger than what I express at first.  I don't tell them anything unless
you ask me to.  Do you want me to mention that you resent the lack of
privacy that not having the lock symbolizes?' "Um?" "Well, I won't bring it
up until you ask me to. . . ." ----- "Have you thought about the dreams
since our last visit?" "I've had one.  What's to think about?" "About
whether one part of you thinks you need the masturbation.  About whether
another part of you provides the disapproving audience to satisfy another
need." "That seems silly." "Does it?  Do you believe that masturbation is
wrong?" "Sure do, whatever you think." "Then is it silly that the part of
you that believes that it is wrong provides some dream people to express
disapproval?" "You mean my conscience?" "I'm trained to call it the
'superego.' 'Conscience' is as good a term." "Then you think the dream is
to stop me." "Or to punish you.  Do you think that's possible?" "Maybe."
"'Maybe' is as good as that sort of idea gets.  Maybe it is correct, and
you then ask what that explanation tells you that you can do or what you
can change." "You mean that if I believed that it was all right, I wouldn't
have that dream?" "If you really believed that it was perfectly moral to
masturbate, you well might not have that dream.  But what you believe is
quite hard to change." "Telling myself it is all right wouldn't work?" "I
would be tremendously surprised if it did.  After all, every time you have
that dream, you are punished for masturbation -- shamed for that behavior.
How are you going to learn that the behavior is moral while being shamed
for it?" "That's no solution." "Probably not.  Could you look for a
solution at the other end?" "What's that?" "Another part of you -- I'm
trained to call it the id -- wants sensual stimulation so much that it
takes over your hand while you are asleep.  Can you think of any way to
give it this stimulation outside of a dream?" "You mean actually play with
myself?" "If the interpretation of your dream is right -- and you thought
it might be -- then you are actually masturbating now.  This would mean
doing it while you are awake." "That's wrong." "Your superego agrees
totally.  The question is whether you are going to choose to agree with
your superego or with your id." "And you think I should agree with the it?"
"'It' is as good a word as any.  'Id' is simply the Latin form of that
word. I don't think you should agree with one or the other; I do think you
should choose." "You sure zero in on that dream.  You talk about it, ask
about it, every week." "I have the idea that it is important to you.  You
have tried to change it, going to the extent of trying to go without sleep
to avoid the dream.  Going without sleep is serious.  It's also a bad idea
when you have school the next day." "It's no more important than the
binge-purge.  That's why my dad hired you." "Now, Pamela, tell me one
reason your parents didn't ask me to help you with this dream." "You don't
think they know about it?  There is only one way that they could have
learned." "That they don't know about it is one very good explanation for
their not having asked me to help you with it.  Which is what I asked.  I
never suggested telling them about it." "You talked about talking to them."
"About the lock on your door.  And only if you asked.  Your parents don't
ask what we talk about, do they?" "No." "If they do, tell them that I have
asked you particularly not to answer that question.  I'm asking you now. 
Please don't report anything we discuss unless we have to delay or
reschedule a visit." "Anyway, playing with myself is wrong." "And doing it
while awake is worse than doing it while asleep?" "I guess." "Is the choice
of the greater wrong more important than avoiding the dream?  Always
remembering that this isn't a sure way of avoiding the dream." "I don't
know." "That's a fair answer.  Actually, I would have been worried if you
had answered definitely.  Think about this for the next week.  Meanwhile, I
want to play a word game with you.  I'll say a word, and you say the first
word that jumps into your mind. . . ." ----- "On our last visit, Pamela, we
were talking about your dream.  Before I go on, I'd like to ask if you
remember any other dreams." "It's the only one I have." "It's the only one
you remember.  Some people don't remember any dreams.  We all have them
every night.  What I want you to do is to get a pad of paper or a notebook
to put beside your bed.  When you wake up in the morning, or if you wake up
during the night, try to remember any dreams you have had that night.  If
you remember one, write it down.  If it's that one, simply write a big 'X.'
Can you do that?" "I suppose." "All right.  Have you decided what you are
going to do about the dream that you have mentioned?" "I suppose I'm going
to follow your suggestion.  After all, Dad's paying you all that for your
suggestions." "Now, do you want me to talk to your parents about the lock?"
"I don't think so.  Do you think they would come in?" "I'm certain they
won't.  And, if they ever did, you would be under the sheet wouldn't you?
And in the dark?" "Yeah." "To be honest, I never thought that they would
come in.  What I thought is that you might worry that they might come in.
That's what a lock is for.  It doesn't keep people out; it lets you know
that they are kept out." "I don't have that worry." "Fine.  If you later
decide that you want the symbol of a lock for any reason, tell me." "I
don't suppose that offer is good for a phone-book listing." "Not really.  I
can say that you want something any time you ask me to convey the message.
I don't think it would have much effect unless I say that I think you are
right." "Thanks.  I guess." "And, if your superego can provide a
disapproving audience, your imagination can provide an approving audience.
Do you own stuffed animals?" "I don't play with them any more." "But do you
have them in your room?" "Some." "Those are creatures which you have hugged
and comforted in the past.  They are certain to want you to have comfort
now.  If your superego tries to bring a group of disapproving people into
your imagination, you prepare a group of those who approve." "I suppose."
"Then let's go back to the word game. . . ." ----- "Pamela, was it a good
week?" "So - so." "Did you try the method of dealing with your dream?"
"Doctor, I don't think I can talk you any more." "It's awfully early for
that.  Do you want to go back to the word game for a brief time?" "No.  I
mean you!  I can't talk with you about anything, ever again.  I would have
asked Mom not to take me, today, but she would have asked why." "Well, that
was only a brief respite.  Because I am going to ask.  Why do you want to
stop?" "Well. . .  I did what you suggested.  And I imagined somebody who
approved.  But, the thing is . . . .  Nobody approves.  Everybody else
knows it is wrong.  Even the kids, if they don't way that playing with
yourself is bad, they giggle about people who do." "And. . . ." "And only
one person approves.  That's you.  So, when I played with myself in the
dark room, I pictured you watching." "Did that help?" "I really think it
did, but. . . ." "You don't want to talk with the man who saw you do that."
"You understand?" "Do you understand that I wasn't really there?  That, if
I had been, I would not be judging you?" "That doesn't make a difference."
"I can understand that.  Now, the question is what do we tell your
parents?" "You're not going to tell them?" "The real reason?  Hardly.  But
they will ask some reason.  You don't want to tell them that you want to
change.  So I have to suggest the change." "You'd do that for me?" "You are
my patient, even if you won't be after this visit.  Now, I will not tell
them that I think you are cured, because I don't.  I can suggest a change
of analyst." "That is okay." "Which means that you would be seeing another
analyst.  Would you prefer a woman? . . .  "

   The end Visits Uther Pendragon nogardnePrethU@gmail.com

   Thanks to Denny for editing this.

   Another all-dialogue story: uux.txt "Uxorial" For another story in which
a girl masturbates: doesnt.txt "He Doesn't"