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 Reparations

   A husband goes to a protest with his wife and a her friend, and their
taking a stand for justice takes an unexpected turn.

   --

   Going to the march was Anna's idea.  She had called earlier, convincing
Janet that it was our obligation to attend.  When your wife's best friend
is a raging liberal you get used to being dragged to lots of weird shit. 
Protests against GMOs, fracking, you name it, we had been to it.  Living in
Durham you pretty much get used to it.  I never really cared much one way
or the other, but if Anna went to an event and we didn't Janet would be
bitchy for a week.  This one had been a protest over Ferguson.  I had been
travelling overseas so much with work that I barely knew the story, but
with Anna the story never really mattered, it was all about showing you
cared more than other people.  I had agreed to go, thinking this would be
the usual hippie drum circle that sprouted up every fortnight here.  I
couldn't have been more wrong.

   The night started simple enough, a few speeches, a candlelight vigil
near the Unitarian church, and then a march to the local police station. 
The usual hippies were there, as were the predictable campus radicals.  The
new element, at least from what I had noticed before, was the large
collection of young black men.  They had not been features of the prior
causes Janet had dragged me to, and they were certainly animated well
beyond what I had seen from even the most anti capitalist college kids
before.

   Their apparent leaders were a couple older black men near our age, mid
forties perhaps.  They wore those colorful African caps, and spoke in a
manner that reminded me of that Malcolm X movie.  The younger men, fire in
their eyes, chanted along with them as we marched.  I was almost enjoying
myself watching the show, until we reached the police station.

   There the things turned sour, with curses and insults spewed at the
police.  That was a bit much for me, and I stayed back at the edge of the
crowd with Janet as the rest advanced towards some barricades.  Anna made
her way into the crowd, alternately chanting and talking with the other
protestors.

   As the protest started to break up, Anna walked over to us, followed by
the two men in those African hats.  Anna had been speaking with them for a
while during the protest, probably trying to prove her liberal credentials.
That woman was the picture of white guilt.

   "Mike, Janet, I want you to meet Jamal and Ahmed.  We've been talking
about why we came out here tonight.  I invited them to come over to my
place so we could talk together about what else we could do to help."

   Janet said hello, and the two of them nodded politely to her.  I
extended my hand towards Jamal, introducing myself.  They both ignored me,
but nodded politely to Janet.

   I had gotten the feeling over the latter part of the evening that this
bunch didn't care too much for white folks, but at this point it seemed
they were limiting their ire to white men.  I suddenly wanted to leave, but
we had parked at Anna's.  Taking off as soon as we walked back to her place
would have pissed Janet off for sure.  It would make us look racist in her
eye.  So we agreed, and the five of us walked together to Anna's.  She
lived only a couple blocks away, near where the protest started, in a
pricey home she had taken from her ex in their divorce a few years back. 
She regularly held court there with activists and professors from the local
college, but Ahmed and Jamal were not the typical attendees I had seen
there previously.

   The conversation started out politely enough, Anna doing most of the
talking, bemoaning the state of race relations, about how it was time white
people found their place and paid for their crimes.  Janet played along,
making sure Anna didn't outdo her.  I usually kept my peace at such
outings, but this one in particular got under my skin a little more than
most in the past.  I had heard Janet say the words "typical white man" at
least four times already.

   I had almost zoned out, thinking more about my upcoming trip back to
China, when Jamal addressed me for the first time all night.

   "And Mike, how would you feel if Janet had dated a black man before she
met you?"

   I looked up, taken a bit by surprise that the conversation had turned to
interracial relationships.

   "That wouldn't have mattered to me, I think we are way past that being
an issue for most people these days."

   "For some people, but not you?"

   "Of course not." I said flatly, trying not to sound defensive.

   "So being with a white woman that had dated black men before would not
be a threat to you?" Ahmed asked.

   I turned to face him, "No, not at all."

   He looked over at Janet.  "Why didn't you ever date any black men?  You
said you grew up in Atlanta, there must have been lots around you."

   "I...  I guess I never had the chance.  I met Mike in high school, and I
had only dated a couple other guys before that." She said, blushing a
little.

   "I had the chance, but never took it." Anna interjected, thankfully
deflecting the attention off Janet.  "It was when I was first dating my now
ex husband in college.  There was a black guy in my political science study
group, and he asked me out several times.  I wish now I had said yes, now
that I know what a scumbag my ex is."

   "I don't buy it." Jamal cut in.  "Look at this house.  Not many black
men could provide you with something like this.  At least not twenty years
ago.  You would have found another excuse to say no."

   "That wouldn't have mattered to me.  He was a nice guy, if I hadn't been
in a relationship I would have told him yes." Anna, now defensive, blurted
back.

   "I lied before, when I said I hadn't." Janet suddenly cut in, bringing
the attention of everyone in the room, especially mine, back on her.  She
looked over at me.  "It was when we split up for a few months that year you
went off to grad school.  I dated one of the bartenders that worked near
campus for a few months.  I never told you before tonight, I was afraid you
would freak out."

   I had almost forgotten about that year, I had been so busy in school. 
We had split up my first year in graduate school, only getting back
together when she had moved to North Carolina to start grad school herself
the following year.

   Eyes were on me, gauging my response.  "Honey, that's ridiculous.  We
weren't even dating at the time.  I don't think it would have mattered if
I'd known."

   "Did you fuck him?" Jamal cut in, sounding like a prosecutor.

   Before I could react, and defend my wife's honor, she had already
replied.

   "Yes.  We even lived together for a few months.  I think I was falling
in love, but my dad found out and lost his mind.  I broke it off after
that." She paused, now very flushed, then lowered her head.  "I've always
been ashamed about that."

   "You fucked him, but he wasn't good enough to bring home to daddy, is
that right?" Jamal pressed.  Janet didn't respond, so he went on.  "You
white people are so racist you can't even fuck the people you want."

   My head was spinning, partly at the way he was talking to my wife, but
more at the thought of Janet being in love with someone else once.  Anna
must have been fuming at this confession from Janet, showing her up in her
own home.

   He turned back to Anna.  "And you, since your divorce, how many black
men have you turned down?"

   "None.  No one has asked"

   "What about now.  What if I asked you to prove tonight that you're not
full of shit."

   "What do you mean?"

   "You told me earlier that white folks had to pay for what they had done.
That it was time to serve the black man for a while, to make a down payment
on your reparations.  Or is your precious white body still too good to be
given to a black man?"

   For the first time that night, Anna was speechless.

   "Just like I thought, all talk and no action."

   "It's not like that, my friends are sitting right here."

   "And you would be too ashamed for them to know you said yes to a black
man?  No, I mean now.  If you mean all that shit you said earlier, I want
you to show me.  Tonight."

   Anna bit her lip, and sat there for a moment, then to my amazement stood
and walked over to Jamal.  Facing him, she slipped the straps of her dress
off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor.  She stood there, braless,
wearing only a pair of simple cotton panties.  She had the reputation of
being something of a libertine sexually, frequently bedding prominent men,
married or otherwise.  This however was beyond any rumors I had ever heard
about her before.

   "I'm not ashamed.  I gave my body to a piece of shit white man for too
many years.  I should be ashamed of that.  Tonight I belong to you." She
knelt before him, hands to her side like a supplicant.

   I was in shock, having never seen such a public display in my life.  I
could feel things spinning out of control, but still found myself a bit
aroused by the sight of Anna's body.  At forty five, she had kept herself
toned and youthful, her pale skin showing few signs of wrinkles.  She and
Tim had remained childless, and her breasts, helped by some earlier
implants, were amazing.

   Jamal looked down at his prize.  "What about my brother?" he asked,
looking over at Janet.  "Are you prepared to do the same?  If anything your
crimes were worse, you have already deprived a black man of that which was
properly his."

   "Now wait just a goddamn minute!" I blurted, starting to get up from the
couch, but Janet pulled me back, and I spun to face her.

   "Calm down honey.  It's OK.  He's right.  I did a terrible thing back
then.  I've carried this guilt for years, not you."



   Anna chimed in, "Janet, you know this is the right thing to do.  You owe
it to them to show that things are different now."

   "Anna, for God's sake, I'm married and Mike is right here!"

   "And you'll be married to him after this.  Mike's lucky your father was
such a racist ass, otherwise you might never have gone back to him.  If you
want to do this, I know Mike isn't going to be a bigot like your father
was." She extended her hand to Janet.  "It's just sex.  You're old enough
to know that by now." She looked at me.  "And if you really love her, you
know this is something she has to do."

   My mouth had gone dry.  Everything was silent for a moment, then Janet
turned and kissed me softly on the mouth.

   "I need to do this." Was all she said, but those few words brought all
the illusions of our twenty years of marriage crashing down.

   I watched, dumbfounded, as Janet extended her hand to Anna and walked
over beside her to face Ahmed.

   "Do you want me?" I heard her ask.  Ahmed nodded, and then reached up
and pulled her close, kissing her on the lips.  To my dismay she
practically collapsed into his arms, wrapping hers around his neck and
pulling herself down on top of him.  Anna turned to face Jamal, now
standing before her and lowering his pants.  She freed his cock from his
shorts and began to kiss and lick his shaft.

   I sat there on the couch, suffering but powerless to say anything,
watching as Janet writhed atop Ahmed, his hands slowly sliding her dress up
her thighs.  I think it would have been easier had they skipped the kissing
and gone straight to sex like Anna and Jamal had.  Watching their
passionate kissing made me realize this was something my wife had probably
been thinking about for much of her adult life; a chance to relive a lost
love.

   Janet straddled Ahmed, and sat up so that he could slip her dress up
over her shoulders.  She reached back and unclasped her bra, letting it
fall free.  Jamal pulled her close, pressing his lips to her nipples.  She
moaned; making a sound I had not heard from her in several years.  Ahmed
was unhurried, taking his time to savor her breasts.

   Jamal stood, switching places with Anna on the couch, aggressively
positioning himself between her legs.  She lifted her bottom, allowing him
to slip off her panties.  He entered her forcefully, making her cry out. 
For a moment, Janet stopped and sat back on Ahmed's thighs, watching Anna.
She had wrapped her legs around Jamal, pulling him tight as he thrust into
her.

   While she watched, Ahmed unzipped his pants, freeing his shaft.  Janet
looked down, and must have known she was at a point of no return, for she
looked back at me, nervous and uncertain, her eyes pleading for my
approval.

   I had seen that look from her before, when we had bought our first car,
then our house, then when we decided to have our first child.  I had never
been able to say no to that look before.  To my horror, I nodded, almost
involuntarily.  Looking back, I am still uncertain exactly what happened in
that brief moment, but I know a part of me wanted it all to happen.

   She turned back to Ahmed, slipping down to the floor before him, and
took his cock in her hands.  She stroked him slowly gazing down at him.  I
could only imagine she was remembering her college boyfriend.  My mind
flashed back to Janet in her twenties, and I couldn't help but picture her
in bed with her black boyfriend.  Had I known about him twenty years ago,
would I have even wanted her back?  Would I even want her after tonight?

   Janet bent down to lick him, tentatively at first.  She had given only a
few blowjobs to me over the years, and had never really seemed to enjoy it,
but that had not stopped her from trying tonight.  I looked up, making eye
contact with Ahmed for the first time since they had begun to kiss.  He
could see the pain on my face, and gave me a smug smile.  He placed his
hand on the back of Janet's head, pressing her face down onto his cock. 
She gagged a little from surprise, coughing a couple times, but made no
effort to resist as he slowly pressed her face lower.  He relaxed, letting
her catch her breath, then did it again.  I sat there, a helpless cuckold,
as he humiliated us both.  Her surrender was my surrender.  Despite my
shame and anger, I realized I was erect.

   Ahmed, ready to make his conquest complete, released his hold on her
head.  Janet sat back, catching her breath, as ropes of saliva slid from
her chin and onto her chest.  Ahmed stood and positioned himself behind her
as she leaned forward onto the couch.  Jamal continued to fuck Anna beside
them, her moans intensifying.  Ahmed slid Janet's panties off, and she
willingly lifting her knees to help him slip them off.  He turned and
looked at me.

   "You see that she wants this, but I want to hear that you want this
too."

   I sat there, unable to speak, blushing furiously.  He glanced down at my
crotch, my erection clearly visible.

   "You white pricks are all the same, love watching a black man get some
white pussy but too damn proud to admit it.  Now tell me I can have your
wife."

   Beside them, Anna came, screaming out loudly and digging her nails into
Jamal's back.  The three of us turned to watch them for a moment until her
screams died back down to moans.

   "Honey, please, just say it." Janet said, her voice trembling.  "You're
my partner, and I need to hear you to say it."

   "Take her." It seemed like those two words were out before I even made
up my mind what to say.  I thought Ahmed would press me for more, but he
seemed satisfied.

   "Hold these for us." He handed me Janet's panties, and turned back to
her.

   He pressed his cock into her, causing her to cry out with a mix of
pleasure and pain.  As he began to work in and out, pushing a little deeper
with each stroke, I realized that I had not fucked her myself in over nine
months.  As he entered her fully and began to slap against her ass with
each thrust suddenly wanted to fuck her more than ever.  Watching the woman
I had taken for granted for so long getting fucked by this black stranger
made me realize what I had to lose.  Or had already lost.

   I couldn't see much besides Ahmed's backside from where I sat, but my
ears told me plenty.  Janet's heavy breathing turned to moans, then her
gasping "omigod omigod omigod..." Over and over.  I knew that sound, she
made it every time she had really enjoyed our sex together, usually right
before she came.  I hadn't heard those sounds in a few years.  My erection
grew more painful at the sound.  I wanted to see her face, to see him
inside of her.  I also wanted to run.  I did neither, and just sat there
listing to her moans.

   Janet suddenly cried out, barely intelligible as words, as she climaxed.
Ahmed continued to fuck her, her orgasm dragging out for several minutes,
Janet squealing loudly with each stroke.  At last her cries subsided to
moans muffled by the fabric of the couch.

   Beside her, Jamal fucked Anna with renewed energy.  Her breathing was
coming in raspy gasps, barely audible over the noise of Janet and Ahmed. 
"Oh fuck!" Jamal suddenly cried out, cumming.  He fucked her a minute or so
more before slowing and finally pulling out.  He stood and walked over to
the bathroom without saying another word.

   I looked at Anna, still lying on her back with her legs spread wide. 
She covered her face with the inside one arm, working to catch her breath.
She was sobbing a little, whether with pain or pleasure I could not tell. I
watched her breasts heave, her breathing gradually slowing, for several
minutes as I listened to Janet crying out beside her.  I stared down at her
slit, swollen and red, and saw Jamal's seed oozing out and onto the couch.

   No condoms.  I hadn't even thought about them earlier, things had been
moving so fast.  The thought of Ahmed cumming in Janet was more than I
could take, and broke my trance.  I turned to them to tell Ahmed to pull
out before he came.

   Before I could even think of how to say it and not sound ridiculous,
Ahmed cried out, pulling Janet tight to him by her waist.  My eyes were
drawn down to the base of his shaft.  I watched in horror as the muscles
surrounding his prostate began to pulsate, eight or nine times at least,
pumping his load into Janet.

   When he finished, he too stood and walked to the bathroom.  Jamal was
just exited and was picking up his clothes.

   I looked back at Janet, she was looking around for something to clean up
the stream of cum that had begun to run down her leg.  Reflexively I handed
her panties to her, and she dabbed away at herself with the cotton fabric.
They were practically soaked when she finished, and I wondered how much
more was inside.

   She picked up her dress, slipping it back over her shoulders.  Beside
her Anna was dressing as well, something of a shocked look on her face. 
She had initiated all of this, but now looked like Pandora after opening
the box.

   Ahmed finished in the bathroom and then walked out and dressed quickly.
Anna slipped in as he exited, locking the door behind her.  She did not
come back out.

   Ahmed walked over to Janet, pulling her close to him and kissing her
again.  She kissed him back, not with the passion of earlier, but still
willingly.  "That was a good start.  Maybe you will be able to pay your
debt one day."

   Jamal had walked up behind her, grabbing her ass with one hand and
reaching around to cup her left breast with the other.  She arched her neck
back toward him, letting him kiss her as well.

   "Next time I want some of that married pussy too." Jamal said, moving
his hand around from her ass to her crotch, pressing against her slit
through the thin fabric of her dress.

   She gyrated her pelvis against his hand, moaning.

   "That's not going to be a problem with you, is it white boy?"

   Seeing Janet's response to his touch, I had little else to say.  "No." I
replied, barely able to speak with my mouth so dry.

   "Good." Jamal said with a smug grin, then kissed her one last time. 
"Now go home and talk about how far you two are going to go with this.  It
will be easier if both of you agree."

   He released his grip, and Janet walked over to me, not making eye
contact.

   Ahmed handed me a slip of paper that he had scribbled a phone number on.


   "Call me tomorrow night at seven."

   "Why me?"

   "I want you to be fully supportive of what your wife is going to do
next. You did a good job tonight, but I don't think you are ready to submit
completely.  Until I hear that in your voice, everything we do goes through
you."

   I took the paper and slipped it into my pocket as the two of them walked
out the front door.  Janet walked over to the bathroom to check on Anna,
who did not come out, saying she was OK but needed to be alone for awhile.

   I don't remember driving home that night, or of even saying anything to
Janet.  Too much had happened to remember any other details.  I could only
ruminate about Jamal laying claim to Janet's body, her acceptance, and the
meaning of Ahmed's cryptic talk of my submission.  At the time, I had no
idea what he meant.  I eventually figured it out, but it took some time,
and much of what I once had has been sacrificed.  But I have figured it
out. Reparations are not cheap.

   To Be Continued
   Comments/submissions always welcome: txdoc2010@gmail.com