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   It's very hard to put your life in writing like this.  If you liked what
you read, can identify with it, or simply didn't understand it or found a
typo, drop me a line.  All thought and input are appreciated.

   #####

   The following events happened after those described in `Starting My
Junior Year." If you haven't read that piece of writing, please do as it is
included on the ASSTR.org service.  This will make more sense when you read
it and people tell me that they liked what I had to say there.)



   After our experience together, I hoped that Nathan and I would have a
better, closer relationship.  I looked forward to meeting with him the next
day, and when we did he promptly apologized for having cum too fast and
spoiling the evening.

   I was kind of surprised by that.  I had felt "spoiled" all right - but
only in good ways - and told him how much I had really loved the experience
with him.  He asked me if I would like to pick it up where it had left off
sometime soon - which was a big step in our lives but sounded good to me -
so we made a date to go off to the lake together on Saturday alone and
really lose our virginity together.

   Saturday morning came and he picked me up his mom's station wagon.  He
had packed a cooler with drinks and bought some chips and snacks and he had
a small bottle of vodka hidden under the seat that his older brother bought
for him.  It was already hot even so early in the day, so he wore just a
tee-shirt and cutoffs with a pair of ratty old tennis shoes.  I wore the
same with my bikini underneath but flip-flops instead of tennies.

   There were quite a few people at the lake, but it's a big place and
there were lots of high bushes and shrubs lining the water so we were able
to find a place with some privacy.  During the ride over, Nathan had let
his fingers do some walking around on my leg and finally under the crotch
of my bikini bottoms, so I knew what he really wanted as soon as we got to
our camp area, but I had grown a bit timid and wasn't feeling it - I
decided I wanted to take things slow.

   We started out with a dip in the cold, cold water, followed by a mixed
drink of some orange drink and the vodka, then another dip in the water. 
With the noon day heat, the alcohol that I wasn't used to, and the cold
shock of the water, I was quickly dizzy and lay down on a blanket Nathan
had bought.

   I wasn't on the blanket for more than a few minutes when Nathan came and
lay next to me.  He started pawing at my boobs - and generally was being
rather pushy.  I really considered this my fault - I knew what he wanted
and I had more or less told him that I would be up for it too - but the
reality of doing it my first time in broad daylight with limited privacy
scared me.  I told Nathan that and he brightened up.  He had thought of
this he explained.

   He stood up and I laughed because I could see he had a hard-on, but he
ignored me and went to the car.  He had anticipated my need and had brought
a tent from home as well.  It was large enough for 4 people to sleep in -
thick green canvas that couldn't be seen through even in the sun.  It was
up in a matter of minutes.  (Nathan was motivated I could tell - you could
see it in his pants.)

   While Nathan was building his tent, I was gathering up my wits, trying
hard to be brave enough to enter that tent and go through with it.  I
thought back to our prior night together and decided that today would be
the day.  As soon as the tent was finished, I stood up and grabbed the
blanket, taking it into the tent and spreading it out on the floor.  Nathan
was still outside, and I realized that I was still all wet, so I walked
outside, looked around to make sure that no one was around, and quickly
slid off my bottoms and undid my top, holding onto both so they didn't drop
into the dirt, bending down to place them in a corner of the tent.

   I had never been naked outdoors for any reason, and here I was naked in
broad daylight.  It would have been easy to just give him the quick flash
and dash into the tent, but instead I decided to be daring so I walked up
to him and gave him a big deep kiss, which shocked the hell out of him.  I
then turned and slid into the tent, positively drunk with my own bravado at
what I had just done.

   The tent was dark inside - slightly stuffy.  I wasn't sure quite what to
do, so I lay down with my feet to the entrance.  That created a situation
where he would see directly between my legs when he walked in - which
seemed awkward - so I quickly shifted to be sideways, and then I decided
that was weird too and so I sat up.  He stepped into the tent just then,
and I found myself looking straight into his already hard cock, which was
more awkward than anything else I had contemplated.

   I looked up at him, and he looked down at me, and somehow what next
seemed like the natural next step.  I had never done it before, but I knew
about oral sex, so I grabbed him in my hand, opened my mouth and put the
end of him inside.  He was bigger than I thought - I had to open my mouth
to a slightly unnatural position to get my mouth completely around the head
of it - but I took him in and even licked around the head like I knew what
I was doing.

   After that, I wasn't sure what to do next, but knew they called it
sucking for a reason and so I did.

   (This all happened before the internet and I'd never seen a picture or a
video of how it actually all worked.  I kind of pity kids today their loss
of discovery, as the feeling of doing something like this.  Just
discovering it as I went along was just amazing.)

   I was tentative at first - just sort of confused and even a bit panicked
- but when I looked up at Nathans face and I knew whatever I was doing, I
was doing something right.  He looked like he was in heaven.

   So I started doing different things like holding him in my hand and
stroking the part that I couldn't get in my mouth, which was a lot of it. I
tried to see how much I could fit in, which as a mistake as I almost gagged
and it brought tears to my eyes and I coughed, which was funny but also
embarrassing.

   Pretty quickly I found that I was really liking this - it was kind of
empowering as every time I looked up at Nathans face I could tell it was
really blowing his mind.  I guess I just had this thing for rubbing, as I
quickly found that I was rubbing myself against his leg and that felt good
and really nasty.

   I was really ready for what was next - actually to the point where I was
ready to just lay down, spread my legs and get on with my future - when
instead I found myself choking on a mouthful of thick hot fluid the
consistency of spit and with the taste of salt.  It actually took me a few
seconds to even understand what was going on.

   I know that every story of this nature is supposed to be about how it
tasted great and made me hot and whatever, but in all honesty, it grossed
me out.  I know he probably didn't do it on purpose, but that liquid that
was in my mouth and all over my face and boobs was from his penis.  That
was what he peed with.  Ewww.

   I wasn't about to swallow it - so I quickly crawled out the door of the
tent and spit it all into a bush and wretched for a few seconds while I got
my breath.  Thank God no one had been out there as I would have been a hell
of a sight - naked and covered with his sperm and just about to throw it
all up too.

   He didn't even bother to exit the tent to see what was going on - I
think he was embarrassed.  When I realized I was naked I dashed back into
the tent and he was still standing there, and there was a long strand of
the stuff actually going all the way from his softening member to a little
pool on blanket.  It wasn't exciting - it was like a big spit wad - it was
just so not what I expected.

   I didn't know what to say or do and I was kind of really mad at him - so
I reached down and grabbed my swimsuit and quickly slid it back on.  He
tried to stop me but I just told him I had to clean-up, and I stepped out
of the tent in close to a dead run and jumped into the water as fast as I
could.  (A good thing too - because there was a group of people walking
down the road.  If they had been there a minute earlier they would have
seen me naked and puking up Nathans cum.)

   I sat in the water for a long time, as cold as it was.  Nathan finally
exited the tent with just his shorts on and waded out to the water to talk
to me, every other word out of his mouth an apology.  I could tell he was
embarrassed but I still wasn't ready to forgive him.

   It wasn't just about having him cum in my mouth without warning me, I
had been really ready for sex and for him - and that was the first time I
ever had been really ready for something like that.  If he had been able to
wait a few more minutes, it would have been us having real sex together and
I knew enough already about my body to know that if he had entered me, I
probably would have orgasmed again.

   I had learned a few nights earlier what an orgasm felt like and was
eager to have another - so I felt robbed of my orgasm - and also the big
moment I had been building myself up for.  It was so disappointing that I
failed to even think about what HAD gone on - or how Nathan might be
thinking about the situation.

   Finally I was so cold that I exited the water.  I went back towards
where we had our car parked and the tent set up and for some reason the
sight of where I had coughed up all of his cum made me laugh and begin to
put it all in perspective.  For the second time in just a few days, I had
made Nathan cum and I found some real accomplishment in that and it did
make me feel powerful.

   That Nathan was currently walking on eggshells around me didn't hurt
either - and for a change it felt like he wasn't just interested in my tits
or in getting in my pants anymore - and that felt good.  He was polite and
accommodating to a fault.  He mixed me another drink, made us something to
eat, and he was generally a nice guy that catered to my every whim.  By
mid-afternoon, I was drunk.  It was a gentle little buzz, but it made me
relaxed and with the heat we didn't say much.  We had pulled the blanket
back out and we were laying on it, and every half hour or so we took
another dip as a break from the late summer heat.

   This last time we had laid back down, Nathan had laid close to me and
rested his head next to mine and began moving his hand up and down against
my lower stomach, which tickled, but in a good way.  We sat and just
snuggled for a few more minutes when I decided that Nathan had done proper
penance and that it was time again to take another shot at this.

   I told him to get up, had him help me shake the dirt from the blanket,
and told him to give me a minute while I went into the tent, took back off
my suit and spread the blanket.  I remember that tent had been baking in
the sun, and I was instantly bathed in sweat and I wasn't concerned about
it, because I was so wet between my legs that nothing else really mattered
at the moment.

   This time I wasn't going to be shy - I was drunk and ready - so I
positioned myself feet to the door - spreading my legs a bit and called to
him.  When he entered, he had already dropped his suit and he was ready and
knelt between my knees.  I was so ready for him - when he just put his face
down in sex.  (Something I'm sure he had decided to do as an apology for
earlier in the day - though at that moment I remember I really wished he
had just sunk his cock into me.)

   I'm sure I've read a hundred accounts of something like this over years,
and I guess the one point more than any other that is so important yet so
impossible to describe it how you suddenly have someone else IN YOU.  It's
not like having a finger there - he had done that - it was like this
totally different sensation and it was all so new.

   There's no description for what I felt.  It's a violation and foreign
but also like something good.  And it was confusing.  He's got his tongue
in this private place that you've been told is so sacred but also is just a
hole where you've peed and you've had your "womens problems" and suddenly
that part of you means something so different.

   You feel it not just between your legs but also inside of your stomach
too - and then his movements start and the sucking and licking, and it's
like you're feeling something else new and wonderful and totally different
yet again.

   Before I had even entered that tent, I had been prepared to give up
myself to him, but his tongue did things I just hadn't expected it to do. I
found myself spreading my legs wide and making all those kinds of groans
and heavy breathing that you hear in the movies an get embarrassed about. I
was playing with my own boobs - which is something I had never done before
even when masturbating, and I was squirming like crazy back and forth -
flinching backwards from his touch and then pushing into him madly.

   I actually did have an almost instant orgasm and I'm sure he wasn't
ready for it and I know it was wetter than he would have thought possible.
(We were both virgins - we had talked about it - and while we had never
discussed "this" I'm sure he had never done this act before.)

   I pulled his face away from my sex and moved to kiss him - and I tried
not to think about the fact that for the second time today I was getting a
mouth full of strange bodily fluids.  It just seemed like me and these
fluids were destined to be together, so I went with it.

   He was moving my spread legs then, and getting into position.  I was so
ready I was practically pushing myself into him, and then it hit me - and
so I pushed him off and asked him where the condom was.

   Nathan instantly looked anguished and I could tell he didn't have one. I
was so mad at him I instantly shut my legs and kicked him away with my
feet.

   I was so mad at him.  I was frustrated and angry and I cried a little
bit, asking him what the fuck he was thinking.  He muttered something
stupid and of course more of the apologizing he had been doing all day and
I just was suddenly repulsed by him.

   I got up, grabbed my suit again and stormed out of the tent without even
putting it on.  I walked to the car, sat down and slipped it on, my way of
letting him know I was ready to go, and I stayed there until he had packed
everything and we were on our way home.

   He tried to talk to me the whole way home, but I was just done with him.
It was just so over the top that he would try to take me without a condom.
(We had talked about it the day before and I couldn't believe he didn't
have any.) To this day I can't believe he was so cavalier and
irresponsible. I remember I was still drunker than I should have been when
I got out of the car at home, slamming the door and calling him an asshole.
I entered the house and stormed up the stairs, ignoring my mom who was
calling for me, running for the bathroom so I could hide from my family for
a while and maybe take a shower.

   When I got to the bathroom, I realized that I smelled bad and that it
wasn't just the sweat from being in the tent, it was the unmistakable odor
of sex, so I took care to wash my bathing suit thoroughly and also my body
before finally heading to my room where I cried myself to sleep without
dinner.  So that's how things ended with Nathan - the guy I shared my first
real sexual experience with and would have given my virginity to if he
hadn't been such a jerk.

   I also soon found out he also told all of his friends about my giving
him a blow job, which means all of the girls on the cross country team knew
as well - which made the beginning of my school year a living hell.  (The
school counselors also heard about it- and when I dropped out of school
later that year and ran away they shared the information with my mom and
dad.) But that whole mess is a totally different story.