Author: Thinking Horndog
Title: You Want Me To WHAT?
Part: 8 of 8
Universe: You Want Me To WHAT?
Summary: Desperation will make you do crazy things.  I was tired of doing
without, and I figured women owed me, so I decided to rape one.  I planned it
all very carefully, and it went off like clockwork -- but then the weird shit
started to happen...

Keywords: MF oral noncon cons rom

You Want Me To WHAT?

Chapter 8


	Next, I got on the phone to Crystal.  "Crystal, it's me."

	"Omgod!  What's up?"

	"Desiree.  You wouldn't believe what she did last night!"

	"What?"

	"She recorded us talking," I related, "and she went through my pants
and got my ID and..."

	"OMIGOD!"

	"SHE knows who I am.  And since we discussed our problem last night,
she wants to know how it is I might go to jail."

	"What are we gonna do?"

	"I told her to hit your place at eight.  I'll arrive a bit after.
Then we've got to talk her down, somehow -- any ideas?"

	"If she knows..."

	"You were gonna, anyway, Babe.  I'll arrive without a mask."

	"I should have known," Crystal sighed.  "Once she sinks her teeth
into something..."

	"This REALLY isn't her business!" I whined.  "How can we convince
her?"

	"We won't.  But we can sell her something less," Crystal sighed.

	"Like what?"

	"Tell her the truth, but water it down?  No guns or knives, just that
you went a bit far and were concerned that I might someday decide to have you
brought up on charges.  We can make it real gray."

	"We've got to be real careful..."

	"Yeah."

	We spent probably twenty minutes synchronizing our stories before I
hung up.  Now all I had to do was wait...

	I came in the front door, not the slider.  Crystal took in my face,
grim as it was, and smiled and flowed into my arms.  I won't say that
everything was all right, but it was certainly better...  "Did she lay it all
out for you or did she wait for me?"

	"She waited," Crystal replied.

	Desiree watched me warily.  I put up my hands.  Crystal and I sat on
the couch and I said, "My name is Keith..."

	Telling your life story tends not to take that long, if you're just
doing the dossier version.  It was less than five minutes before the two of
us turned to the REAL problem...  Crystal lit into Desiree with both feet.
"Des, I'm SHOCKED!  Breaking and entering!  Recording people's private
conversations!  There's probably a law against what you did without some kind
of release!  I just don't understand you!"

	"I'm TRYING to protect you!" Desiree defended.

	"From where I sit, you're horning in on things that are none of your
business and ruining lives!" Crystal ranted back.

	"He's got a secret..."

	"WE have a secret -- and we would like for it to STAY secret!"
Crystal barked.

	"I need to know," Desiree insisted.

	"You WANT to know -- you don't NEED to know!  This isn't your issue
to deal with!  In fact, it would be a DEAD issue if it weren't for you!"
Crystal ranted.  She was letting Desiree have it, because we knew if we
rolled over too quickly, Desiree would smell a rat.

	"He said he could go to jail," Desiree insisted doggedly.

	Crystal cocked her head.  "Did you ever do something to someone --
something you weren't proud of -- and instead of pinning you to the wall, the
person forgave you and just let it go?  Besides this, I mean..."

	Desiree looked mulish.  "Maybe."

	"This thing is between Keith and me.  He feels really guilty about it
and it has bothered him -- but I don't want it to go any further.  Now YOU
come along and want to open it up and make a mess with it."

	"And jail?" Desiree pressed.

	"He's exaggerating.  It isn't that bad.  Do you know why?  Because I
SAY it isn't, and MY opinion is the only one that counts!" Crystal snarled.

	"Well..." Desiree ducked her head.

	It was my turn.  "The night Crystal and I met, I was drunk and angry
and I did something reprehensible.  If you were pushing things -- and I do,
in my own mind, because I can't forgive myself, you could call it assault."

	Crystal took it up.  "Keith..."  She stopped to savor my name.
"Keith didn't hurt me or anything -- he was just a little pushy and grabby.
We've both had worse.  But that isn't Keith, so he was worried that I might
decide that I'd been violated or something -- especially when I started
looking for him."

	"If you knew what he looked like..." Des started.  I was happy that
we'd gone over this.

	"I didn't.  It was VERY dark, outside that after-hours club on East
Fourteenth," Crystal lied.  "There were a bunch of people in that alley doing
stuff they shouldn't have been and I wandered in because I was nosy.  Keith
had picked up a girl in the club and just discovered that she only wanted him
to get her some coke and he was pissed and he thought I was there for the
same thing..."

	"I was stinking drunk and pissed off at women in general and I ran
into her at random in the dark and shoved her against the wall and felt her
up and called her fourteen kinds of bitch and kissed her...  And she didn't
go nuts on me and so I slowed down and stopped being so rough and the next
thing I knew I was blubbering on her..."  I recited my lines.

	"Why did you let him do that?" Desiree queried of Crystal.

	"You KNOW why!" Crystal sneered.  "I was nearly as drunk as he was
and I wanted a man!"

	"So she cuddled me to her and we were blind as bats and I went from
abusive to doofy and somehow we found a way to fuck in the dark.  Don't ask
me how it happened..."  '... because I'll have to make up an even bigger
fairy tale than this one...' I added to myself.

	"Anyway, he promised to meet me in that restaurant downtown..."
Crystal took over.

	"So THAT's why you ate there every day for I don't know how long!"
Desiree clapped her hands.

	"Yeah, and I was there a couple of times but too chicken to just go
up to her, so I slipped her a note and we started this silly stuff," I
agreed.  "At first, I was sure she was looking for me to turn me in to the
cops or something, but that's gone away.  Then I was scared we were fooling
ourselves, and I figured it would be better if we could break it off clean if
things just weren't working out.  I don't know shit about women and all I
hear are horror stories, you know?"

	"So..."

	"So the mask thing was all a safety net because I'm a big chicken," I
finished.

	"That's the damnedest story I've ever heard," Desiree mused, "but it
checks out.  So it was more rape than rape fantasy."

	"You can't rape the willing -- and I was willing!" Crystal insisted.

	"You need to stay out of those places!" Desiree admonished.

	"Yes, Ma'am..." Crystal grinned.

	"It's STILL a pretty wild tale," Desiree grunted.  "What's the backup
in case I don't believe that one?"

	"Oh, simple," I replied calmly.  "I raped Crystal at gunpoint in the
Ladies Room of that restaurant in broad daylight, but she decided that I was
hot and a nice guy anyway..."

	"Yeah...  We'll go with version one," Desiree replied, rolling her
eyes.  Crystal and I both laughed.  "So..."

	"So it's all nothing unless YOU want to go to the cops and tell them
all about how I abused Crystal in an alley..." I growled.  "You can see how I
had a hard time believing she really wanted to see me again -- but she did."

	"I forgave him before we were done fucking!" Crystal interjected,
"but he didn't know that, so I played his game; you've seen the rewards..."

	"Yeah..."  Desiree nodded, thoughtful, then totally switched gears.
"About that guy Luke..."

	"Luke?" Crystal blinked.

	"A guy I work with," I explained.  "A good friend, actually.  He met
Desiree today when she showed up to interrogate me."  I favored Desiree with
a glare.

	"He says the craziest things..." Desiree mused.

	"He's talented at pissing women off," I told her.  "If there is a
poster child for 'I don't know nothing about women' it's Luke.  I don't think
he's had..."  I shut up.

	Desiree cocked her head.  "Have I heard this one?"

	"Yeah, probably."

	"Does it finish up something like 'since pussy had him'?"

	"Yeah, more or less exactly," I admitted.  "I don't think Luke could
get through the process of hiring a hooker without help."

	"What happened?" Crystal asked, giggling.

	"Well, first, he lost his eyeballs somewhere in my top," Desiree
related.

	"He's, uh, not too subtle," I remarked.

	"Then he offered me forty bucks for the privilege of wiping sheetrock
dust off my ass!" Desiree laughed.

	"You let him," I pointed out, "and you didn't charge him!"

	"Oh, my!" Crystal snorted, giggling.

	"I was told that I needed to patch things with you, Desiree, or he
was going to be one unhappy..." I stopped again.  Something about talking
about Luke just always seemed to lead to his forms of expression...

	"Motherfucker?" Desiree supplied.

	"Yup.  You may not think you're hot, but Luke..."  I shrugged.

	"Come on, now..." Desiree scoffed.

	"Let's see if I can do this right," I grinned, then put on my serious
face and intoned, "I almost got a nut in my pants!"

	Desiree howled!  Crystal wiped tears from her eyes.  "I gotta meet
this guy!"

	"You mean that was for real?" Desiree queried in disbelief.

	"That's vintage Luke..." I insisted.  "His words on the subject of a
certain woman currently in my presence were, 'I WANT that!'  The boy was
serious, too!"

	"Nobody wants this," Desiree argued, waving at herself.

	"Correction -- you aren't AWARE of anyone who does.  Actually, you
are, now..."  After a pause, I added, "I don't exactly find you to be
repugnant, so that's two...  I'm not giving up Crystal for you, but..."

	"Yeah, right -- so if you called him..." Desiree snorted.

	"Want to make a bet?  If I call him and he says you're hot, you have
to fuck him," I challenged, eyeing her.

	"That's a bet?  That's a win-win situation!" Desiree retorted.  "If
he says nasty shit about me, I get to fuck YOU!"

	"Talk to my agent," I retorted, pointing my thumb at Crystal.

	"Keith?" Crystal eyed me.

	"This is a sure thing, Babe," I assured her.

	"Well...  Okay, go for it.  You'd end up fucking her once a week
anyway.  Maybe this guy will cause her to retract her claws..." Crystal
mused.

	"Fine.  Call him.  On speaker.  We have a bet."  Desiree shook my
hand.

	"Luke!"

	"Keith!  What's up?"

	"Where you at?"

	"Rosario's, gettin' drunk.  It's that or sit around my place jackin'
off thinkin' about the sweet little chubby thing I ran my hands over this
afternoon!" Luke replied.  I wiggled my eyebrows at Desiree; I'd won already.
"Hey, did you make up with her?  You'd better have -- I want her hot little
ass HAPPY!  I wanna be able to sneak up on that shit and...  yeah, well,
anyway.  Fuck, I need another beer -- I just popped a hardon."

	"Hey, how drunk are you?" I asked.

	"Not worth a shit.  Two, maybe.  I just came from dinner, too."
There was a pause.  "You DID make nice with that little bitch, didn't you?  I
ain't seen yours yet, but that one is the cutest little chubby piece...
Little round belly...  Tits to drool over...  and that ass...  Tell me you
fixed it, Buddy!  I'm gonna be ALL fucked up if you didn't!"

	I chuckled.  "You want that, huh?"

	"Fuck me!  That shit is HOT!"

	I muted the phone.  "Well?"

	Desiree's eyes were as big as saucers!  "Omigawd!  You're shitting
me!"  Crystal cackled out loud.

	"I win!" I insisted.  "Fuck the man!"

	"Okay!"  Desiree nodded, looking dazed.

	I unmuted the phone.  "Luke, put down your beer, Man."

	"What for?"

	"I don't want you spilling it."

	"Good idea.  That's sacrilege.  What's up?"

	"It's all fixed, Man.  What's more, she's waiting for you."

	Luke turned stone cold sober.  "What was that?"

	"You made a big impression, Man.  You want it?  It's waiting for
you," I told him.

	"Man, you wouldn't...  That'd be cold..."

	"Gimme that."  Desiree took the phone.  "Come to Mama, Wild Man.  I
want you to rub my ass some more!"

	"WHERE??!  Gimme that napkin!  Do ANY of you sorry motherfuckers have
an ink pen?"  There was a pause and a clatter and some rumbles, then Luke
came back, "Now go slow, Sweet Thang.  I don't want to miss no numbers and
this damned thing don't write very well..."

                       ----------------------------------

	Luke's hooking up with Desiree is a tale better told by Luke, I
think; he describes sex between them as being like a trip to the bowling
alley, 'There's a rumble and then loud sounds, and shit goes everywhere!'
They beat Crystal and I to the altar by a week.  They've got two kids, and so
do we; a couple of days ago my son Pete asked me, "Daddy?  How did you meet
Mama?"

	I told him, "I raped her at gunpoint in the Ladies Room at a
restaurant."  Little shit doesn't believe me, of course...