>The cabinet that had been blocking the door was being moved >Ohnoohshitohnoohshit >If you had forgotten, i was lying naked in a pitch black bathroom, in the bathtub, with my penis very much still inside of my childhood friend >and 3/4 of the girls that could be outside that door would probably kill me if they found out. >Our clothes were somewhere on the dark floor, in soaking puddles of water and probably chunks of vomit >We had just emptied the tub, so there was no way to wash them without alerting the girls. >There were no towels in the bathroom, nothing to cover ourselves with. >There was no light, so finding an escape route would be impossible. >I really doubt you forgot though >I was fucked in every literal, figurative and some neo-nonclassical instances of speech. >Well i would have been completely fucked, if i hadn't been holding in my arms one of the most brilliant girls i'd ever met. >We hear the grunts and stomps of the girls outside. >In my panicked mind it sounded like an army of angry rhinoceroses >But if they had known that they would have killed me harder. >rearranging and undoing whatever voodoo magic they had used to seal the door closed. >Tribal chants, rain dances, ritual sacrifice; you know. >Raven and I have absolutely no clue what we're supposed to do, so of course we do the smartest thing. >Nothing >We just lie there hugging one another frozen in fear. >Best plan >But the grinding and scraping abruptly stops >"Hey, are you two friends again?" >Straight to the point as always Birthday. >I'm not sure what i'm supposed to say >Do i say yeah we're friends again >Are we friends again? >I did try to kill her, we probably aren't friends again >But i mean we did have sex >we probably aren't friends again. >It was really good though >Yeah we're probably not friends. >I don't get a chance to announce my conclusive findings however >Raven has come to the same conclusion >"No, we can't be friends anymore" >Ohh... >Ouch, that really hurt >You're kind of a dick raven >My remaining heartstrings just all kind of snap at the same time >Was probably twice as painful as if i had just said it myself. >Actually really hurt >Bout to show this bitch what i think about not being fri- >Wait a minute that card >Let me go over the tapes >Slow mo >"Noooooo, weeeeeeee ccaaaannnn'''ttttt beeeeeeee FRIENDS annnyyyymmmmooreeee" >Friends >Liberty Bell >Can't be Friends >Oh that makes perfect sense actually >She's implying we're something more now. >That's kinda cute raven >"Sorry" for calling you a bitch in my head. >Yeah i actually said sorry out of the blue. >It was quiet, only she heard it, but the rest of the thought just didn't come across >I do that sometimes, rarely, but sometimes. >i always imagine people that say sorry constantly are doing the same thing >Entire conversations, entire wins and losses that they feel bad for and all you get is the "sorry". >I'm sure she looked at me funny >Actually i think she rolled a natural 20, because her glare of "Cause awkward discomfort" hit, even though i couldn't see her. >It's ok she deserved the sorry >She takes it kind of funny though, because she wraps her arms around and hugs me tighter. >The girls outside the door are letting out various noises >There's a bunch of sighs, a couple "I told you so-s" and birthday who seems to just be really angry for some reason >"Fine! We'll lock you in there longer" >It's birthday, she sounds exasperated and furious >like her master plan had failed >Phew, we're safe >More dark bathroom sexytimes confirmed >"That's Mean Birthday!" >"We should let them out!" >It's blondie >Dooming us all. >The other girls seem to agree with blondie >"Yeah they've been in there long enough" >Homely please stop, don't say anymore >"This was a stupid idea anyway" >Glasses no you don't understand >"Fine!" >Birthday no don't agree, fight them please >"We'll let them out..." >No, please Loki, Thor, Zeus, Apollo, Aquaman! Save me! >The scraping resumes outside, it had to be them moving the cabinet all the way away from the door. >I didn't have the option of not-moving anymore, i had to get up and act >So i start to pull away from Raven, climb out of the bathtub >Except she won't let me >She won't let go >She's hugging me as tightly as she can >Even managed to get her legs behind my hips. >She whispers in my ear, quiet, soft, confident >"Let them see" >Brilliant i tell you >At getting me killed. >Yep thats it anons, this is the part where the girls opened the door and i was murdered >Just a brutal thing, blood all over the bathtub, the walls >Most of my gentleman bits ended up in the toilet and were flushed away >Not a pretty sight >But that's a lie >That's what would have happened if i hadn't been holding one of the most brilliant girls i'd ever met in my arms. >Because she was holding one of the unluckiest males at surviving female encounters unscathed she'd ever met in her arms. >And he had a plan. >A terrible, unlikely-to-go-well-plan >"Wait" He yelled >"We Need Clothes" He screamed >The girls flitted around like angry shrimp outside the door >"What do you mean clothes..." The birthday girl growled >"Ooh, What were you two doing!" The homely one squealed in excitement >"Be quiet" He yelled >"This is your fault" He cried >"You threw us into a bathroom; cold and wet!" >His words echoed through that very place. >"Raven still sick; Pizza didn't go down well!" >He tried to sound confident, he tried to make them understand his lie >The girl he was with didn't like it one bit, she started to complain >Before he clasped his hand over her mouth >held her close >She would have to let go to squirm away >to talk >Trapped in a vice of her own creation, the girl stayed silent >He continued his elaborate ruse >"She threw up, it didn't go well" >His voice was somber, his feelings clear >His plan had worked >The girls felt bad >Guilt for trapping a sick friend, >Guilt for the darkness >Guilt for the most imaginative awful situations that had transpired >The guilt card, remember it's the most effective at winning any situation involving women anons. >My impossible task completed, i now had an explanation for why we were naked, wet and our clothes were on the floor >I didn't have to explain what had happened, they would do that for me in their heads with guilt. >But that penis part >That's gonna get me >I'm pretty sure no matter how convincing i am i can't get the girls to believe it "Slipped in" >The girls outside are discussing what to do about this whole clothes situation >Buying us time >"Raven pls let go" >"No" >I'm doomed >Blondie outside has established that we've both seen her naked, so she'll go get the clothes and bring them to us >Double Doomed >I have time, i can bargain with Raven >Plead and beg for my life >"What do you want!" >Im frantic but quiet, i don't want the girls outside to hear >"You" >One word, a whisper >Triple Doomed. >I try to tell her i don't negotiate with terrorists >That i can't give her what she wants right now >That she's got to release the hostage and we'll talk. >She's not having any of it >She's unmoving, firm. >Her terms are clear >The snipers don't have a clear shot >She might kill the hostage if i try to help it escape. >I've got no plans >No ways out of this >Might as well go out in a burst of glory i guess >I inform the hostage he's on his own, we're pulling out. >Then i start pumping into her again >A much as she'll allow with how tightly she's holding me. >As little as it is, after a couple thrusts she completely relaxes her grip and stance >I see i might have an opening >I pull out farther and farther each time >Its a trick silly girl, you can't comprehend my master planning >Even if it was just being horny (sometimes that's a plan i guess) >I get to pull out more and more each time >I know my time is running out, blondie could be back any minute >The progress is slow, but each time i pull out i press into her harder, faster. >I know she's got to drop her guard sometime >The moment arrives, i reach the threshold, the tip is all that's left to pull out. >All i have to do is move my hips backward just a bit... >Ahh fuck it >I plunge all the way back to the hilt >This is a loud gasp from the girl sitting on my lap >I'm almost worried the girls outside heard it >I'm not quite sure how they don't hear the wet squelching sounds >[spoiler]No slapping, i was smarter than that, had to be slow at the very base[/spoiler] >So i go back to shamelessly fucking Raven's brains out. >It's desperate >We both know we have no time left >We can hear footsteps in the distance >Getting closer each thrust >The girls making smalltalk outside >They weren't saying anything important, but the fact that they were so close was electrifying. >Terrifying >Hot as fuck >Raven's still completely silent aside from breathing, a boon in this situation if there ever was one. >But it was all too soon before we heard the footsteps settle outside. >Our frantic pace still too slow to reach the climax i desperately wanted >The doorhandle began to turn >The jiggling clicking ringing in our ears >I pulled out completely >Pushed her softly down beside me, both lying on our backs in darkness >Blondie didn't take long to close the door behind her and find us with the flashlight >We had been seconds away from discovery >And from getting off. >I have a blank sheet of paper right here >It's got a list of all the things i wouldn't give to have just had 20 more seconds before blondie showed up. >But we were lying on our backs, safe now. >As frustrating as that was. >There was still a problem though >I had a raging boner and blondie had just shined her flashlight directly on it. >Quadruple Doomed >Except for that brilliant girl part >You see maybe raven was teasing me before about letting them find us together >Maybe all she wanted was to roll away at the last second like we had done >Riding the edge of excitement >Or maybe i had changed her mind >Whatever it was, she played the part perfectly >Raven squealed seconds after the flashlight hit my crotch >"Eew you're hard!" >"Disgusting!" >She punctuated this by jumping up and moving away from me in the bathtub >Her acting was priceless, perfect >The laughter outside assured me the women had heard >It also helped the boner start to die a shameful sad death >Blondie hadn't moved, but i could imagine she had wide-eyes behind the beam of that flashlight. >She seemed properly defused by raven's acting >No anger at seeing me hard for another female >[spoiler]You see anons, by Raven pretending she didn't know i had a hard-on, the situation changed from erotic, to just me being a typical male pervert[/spoiler] >[spoiler]No jealousy against raven at all[/spoiler] >Miraculous success, all limbs intact >She hands us a pile of clothing each and we begin dressing. >She's staring at me the entire time. >I don't feel like a piece of meat. >We seem to have clothes on again >Jeans, Red Girls boxers and a Green T-Shirt >The T-shirt was actually pretty small, might have been a really old one of birthdays before she had a chest. >really accentuated my lack of manly muscle pretty well. >Blondie and her elaborate fashion skills has given Raven a matching outfit... again >Jean skirt, Green tank-top >But it seems birthday is running out of clothes because she gets some worn looking white panties to go with it. >I guess 5 people constantly needing to change for stupid reasons does that to a girl's assortment of clothing. >That or she just didn't have any pairs of red panties >I silently hoped it was the first one. >We're able to inspect the damage done to the bathroom with the flashlight blondie brought in >There's actually a lake on the floor >Our clothes are indeed soaking wet and have what look to be disgusting chunks of partially digested pizza on them >There's blood all over one of the rims of the bathtub >I turn the flashlight away quickly and focus it on the mess on the floor >I indicate that we should clean it up to blondie, trying to distract her from what i've seen. >Blood >Fuck >Panic >I look at raven thinking i hurt her somewhere and didn't realize >Trying to piece together if it was her cherry i broke and somehow got blood up there >Didn't make sense, we were in the water. >The flashlight's light glances across her arms for a moment >Her fingernails are blood red, she's got brown and dark dark red splatterings across the backs of her hands. >she had held them on my back or shoulders the entire time >they weren't in the water >I'm worried i had deep scratches on my back and didn't realize it, maybe i leaned against the rim of the tub. >That must be it. >I take her aside and force her to wash her hands, wash away the blood. >I'm trying to get her to check my back for me without blondie realizing. >If i was bleeding that much it might bleed through the shirt and that would be really bad. >Besides showing the girls some crazy shit went down >it would ruin birthday's shirt. >[spoiler]Blood is awful to get out of clothes anons[/spoiler] >We're picking up the clothes and throwing them in the tub >Blondie calls for towels from outside and the girls scurry off. >I manage to get the hints across to raven >I hand her the flashlight and she checks my back >"Nothing" >What the hell? >I return to cleaning up the clothes on the ground and trying to fix this dark-bathroom-disaster >Then the light from the flashlight shines on my left hand wrist. >Blood >Everywhere >It looked like my wrists had gone through a barbed wire fence >Fuck fuck fuck what happened >What did i do >I rush over to the sink and start cleaning away the dried blood >I could just see the skin through the faint light of the flashlight >deep, long scratches up and down my forearms >Tears, cuts, some of them still bleeding >I might have been dripping all over the floor for all i knew >Fuck these look terrible >They didn't hurt actually, i mean stung a little when i put water on them, and they were obviously bleeding >But they didn't hurt too bad >I was alright, i would live >But there was no way in hell i was hiding this from everyone. >I feel a head lean over my shoulder as i'm trying to clean my arms off >A gasp >Thats not one of the gasps i'd been listening to for the last hour. >Its blondie >I'm fucked >I'm trying to turn around and get a hand over her mouth >I'm way too slow for that >There's screaming >Everyone barges into the bathroom >Flashlights everywhere >Can't hide anything >There's blood on the floor, on the rim of the bathtub >There's the ever present question of "What happened?" >A question i can't answer >I can't tell them what went on in here, not even slightly >I'm attacked with questions, i don't have a choice but to make something up >I have no answers i can give >"It was r...raven s..sh..e- >The girl in question interrupts me, all flashlights instantly focused on her face >"We fought.... eventually he understood my point of view." >She swallows hard as she says this >This goes down surprisingly well >There's quite a bit of screaming from birthday, i couldn't really hear what was being said over the volume. >Lot of anger though >Lots of threats of violence >Homely is screaming too, right in raven's ear >She's shriveled up into a corner taking it all without saying a word. >Glasses is telling Birthday how stupid she was for locking us up together >Blondie is trying to pull me away, off to the kitchen to bandage me up or something. >She does play the healer after all. >I'm whisked away by Glasses and Blondie >They get me halfway across the room via medevac >I stop them >I frantically whisper to glasses "They don't understand, don't let them hurt her" >I didn't know what birthday was capable of, but i wasn't liking the sound of whatever was crashing and being thrown in the bathroom >Blondie still whisks me away, leaving a pair of slightly-confused glasses hovering and shining >The vanishing beam of the flashlight diminishing as we leave the room. >Whatever sounds were going on in the bathroom, as soon as we reached the hallway they quieted down. >I hoped this meant glasses was doing what i asked her to, and not that the section of the house was really that soundproof. >All i could hear was our footsteps on the cold hardwood floors >And the barrages of questions that i refused to answer. >Blondie was trying, each one more inquisitive >"What happened!?" >"Did she hurt you anywhere else?" >"Are you feeling alright, dizzy or anything?" >"Did you atleast get her back?" >The last one made me laugh a bit >Oh man if only she knew >I handed Blondie the "Yes" she wanted. >She seems to be satisfied with this answer as we reach the kitchen. >There's a candle lit by the sink, and a big flashlight Blondie grabs and turns on >Much better light to inspect the damage >[spoiler]Now anons, you might think "Oh they can't be that bad"[/spoiler] >[spoiler]I think you misunderstand, humans that fear for their lives do not go down without a fight. Our bodies pump adrenaline until we're going to burst when our lives or the lives of a loved one are in danger, and this gives us strength far beyond what we are normally capable[/spoiler] >[spoiler]Dying men can bend steel, Mothers can lift entire cars to save a trapped child[/spoiler] >[spoiler]The dying in this case was Raven, a teenage girl with short, but rather sharp fingernails[/spoiler] >[spoiler]Her scratching, scrabbling at the wrists and arms of me, the person holding her down, was powerful enough to rip through my flesh and leave deep cuts to the muscle[/spoiler] >[spoiler]If she had any longer fingernails, i have no doubt i would have a severed artery.[/spoiler] >[spoiler]In this case they weren't life threatening, but i deserved it, and i would probably have a scar or two to remember that "moment" by.[/spoiler] >[spoiler]Oh and it didn't hurt at all because i hadn't been able to see it. As soon as we got a good look i was doing mental "OWWWWs" realizing how deep some were[/spoiler] >Blondie seemed pretty worried about them >Making a big deal out of nothing i tried to assure her, but she wouldn't take that as an answer >She left, rummaged around in a drawer and came back with a first aid kit >It always amazes me how some women seem to always know where everything is in houses that don't belong to them. >Woulda taken me days to find that kit. >I'm not really with her in thought though, i'm staring out the kitchen window >It's still kinda raining, very softly outside >I can just see the drops splattering against the window pane >Like blood >Fuck, i was feeling pretty shit after seeing my wrists >I definitely deserved what happened to them, what the fuck was wrong with me for acting the way i did. >Plans to grovel at raven's feet later are soon formed >I'll have to buy her cho- >My thoughts are interrupted as i see a flash of silver in blondie's hand >She's unscrewed the cap on a bottle from the kit >She's holding my arms in the sink >Its alcohol >BLONDIE NO >its too late >I rip my arms away too late >She's already covered them in a liberal amount of the burning stinging liquid >A liquid that you're absolutely should never ever ever pour into deep wounds. >I'm on the ground screaming >Actual screaming >Fucking screaming. >Fucking alcohol is for fucking small cuts, even then you fucking rarely need it >But not fucking mauled by a tiger entire fucking wrists are fucking bloody cuts >This was just fucking cruel >This was agonizing fucking burning pain >I'm screaming obscenities at her, at the kitchen, insulting various appliances >She knows she's fucked the fuck up >She's quickly on the ground fucking trying to dry my wrists off with a fucking towel as i'm letting out "Fucking oohs and Fucking Ahhs"s of fucking suffering. >It's really not fucking helping >It really fucking hurts >Fuck >Around blondie, never relax. >Every time i let my guard down she hurts me in some horrible new way. >It's impressive actually >I've got to stop trusting her >But as soon as the pain had faded to the same tolerable levels of every other wound i had sustained this sleepover >I opened my eyes >Big mistake >She was kneeling over me, trying to make sure i was ok >Her face had a real look of concern, a practiced guise for an assassin of her caliber >Her eyes were wide, her face frowning and worried. >But it worked >My heart melted >"I'm so sorry, i keep hurting you!" >Her voice is a songbirds saddened cry >She clasps my hands in her own, the warmth against my fingers matching roughly the burning heat of my wrists. >"Every time i try to help, or you try to help me you get hurt" >She's got a distinct frowny face on > ): >That one, right there >It's making me sad just looking at it >I can't help but forgive her >I mean not really forgive her, i say a couple choice words >"You owe me... so much" >I was really not painless during these words, probably grimace them out. >Those words >She better fucking believe it >She seems to already know though >"I know, i'm so sorry, i even slapped you earlier and you didn't deserve it!" >What >Why didn't i deserve it now >She sounded sincere as fuck >"Glasses told me she stole your boxers while you were showering as a prank" >Glasses is such a bro. >"I feel bad, you were saying such nice things" >I'll be honest anons >You might remember >But i don't remember any of the nice things i was saying >When they call it whispering sweet nothings, that's because they are nothings. >I was too preoccupied with everything hurting >I think the alcohol had shocked the rest of the rest of my body into hurting again >Had some endorphins left keeping me happy, yeah those were gone. >God fucking damnit fucking blondie fuck. >I get back up and rush over to the sink to wash my cuts again >This time keeping blondie at arm length >She's not allowed, worst healer ever. >She's still trying to get close and help again though >"Please don't push me away" >.... that sounded cliche blondie, what are you trying to sa- >"You're so nice to me and then i just keep hurting you" >Songbirds crying >She needed to stop that >It was making me sad > ): >I'm not falling for her charms though >I know better now >well i thought i knew better >"Come on, i can make it up to you!" >Her voice was chipper, she seemed to be trying to cheer herself and me up. >I'm thinking about it. >I grab her wrists and hold them together above her head >It's cute, like i have a little marionette >If i wanted i could twist her and turn her any direction i wanted >But i didn't twist and turn her, i just pulled her arms up until she was on tiptoes >I knew what i wanted >I glared her in the eyes >Hard, cold stare, as serious as i could be >"Stop hurting me first" >There, i said it >I think she was expecting something completely different >Her frown vanished >Her eyes drooped slightly >I couldn't see her eyes as well as i wanted >But the sky blue turned a cloudy grey. >I dropped her arms and decided it was time to walk away >Return back to the mess in the bathroom, help clean it maybe >I trusted glasses to have solved the situation amicably, but i wanted to make sure. >Not to mention every moment i spent near blondie was endangering my life >I kinda left her there >I doubt she was crying or anything >i doubt she was taking it badly at all. >Blondie had a habit of taking things like that and making them better, in her head, in reality, whatever she did. >She was most likely working out ways in her head to inform her employers that she couldn't complete the job >Tell them she was alright with not getting paid, i just wasn't worth it. >She was a strong girl, i wasn't worried >But i kinda wanted nothing to do with her >Stay as far away from her and maybe, just maybe i might survive >But little did i know. >I returned to the bedroom >I had grabbed a roll of those Gauze bandage wraps and was rolling them absent mindedly over the cuts as i walked >I kinda had em wrapped enough to hold my arms together, so i figured i was good, cut the roll with my teeth, made a crappy knot on each wrist and pocketed the rest. >I imagined that i probably looked like some edgy shirtless anime protagonist >I didn't >But i sure felt beat-the-fuck up like one after a serious battle. >I walked in to find Raven having what seemed to be a time-out on the bed >Arms crossed, pout on her face >Looked like a very unhappy girl >I make the mistake of trying to sit next to her on the bed >"GET AWAY FROM ME STORYBRO" - My full name here, rare >This is angry unhappy girl yelling >Eep, s... sorry raven >She's either in an awful mood, or still trying to convince everyone we're on bad terms >I pray for my life that it's the second one. >Her outburst is matched by homely telling me to "Stay far away from raven" and that she's in trouble. >Its like they're implying she's getting punished or something >Birthday confirms this is the case. >Alright, ill get the hot wax and oil i guess. >They're just sure how they want to punish her yet >Cleaning the bathroom while they decide >I join them, might as well >I end up with a washcloth rubbing away the blood i'd left all over the place >I feel a little better scrubbing it away, made it feel like i was erasing what happened here. >They're coming up with all kinds of silly and inane punishments. >Making her make us food and be everyone's butler for the rest of the night >Make her be a footrest for everyone next time we play vidya. >Making her "Service" us all once >This last one was birthday's idea >I was kind of worried as to what that meant. >I offered to come up with and deal the punishment for raven myself. >Why not right, i could pretend i was evil and harsh and i wouldn't do anything mean at all. >I turn around and give her glaring-face a wink as i try to make this move. >"You can't... you were her friend" >This is Homely >I try to establish how inanely girl-logicy this is >You know that entire part about how i'm somehow going to be nicer to her because the crime was against me. >Why i tried, i honestly don't know. >I mean she was right, that was my plan >But her reason >The typical "You just don't understand the situation" response. >I swear >Fuck women, seriously >The bathroom cleaning goes rather quickly with 4 people, the clothes are wheeled out by homely after a quick rinse and the blood is mostly gone. >All the wet towels to follow the clothing to the laundry room >After we're done, it's back to being more or less the same level of clean it had started. >Job well done, i try to plop back on the bed near raven >She just scooches away >Still acting i hope >The other girls see her actions and take it as some kind of sign that i was "Open" >Glasses is the victor of the race and ends up in my lap, straddling me as i lay down on the bed >Homely and Birthday don't take this too well, with pouts and everything >Glasses gives no shits, all i know is that i'm being snuggled from above for a full five or six minutes before it's decided what we're going to do next. Birthday makes the announcement >Back to poker >Alright >Dare-only poker >I can handle that >Raven's not allowed to play >Fuck that shit >"No seriously just fuck that shit" >Those are the words that came out of my mouth >I also called birthday a bitch, shit friend and accused her of trying to start shit between everyone >This made her shut up quick with her "rules" >Either everyone plays or we don't play, thems the rules i threw down. >Nobody has any argument >Aight bitches we playin poker >So fucking done with birthday's rules >That's all i'm thinking as we trudge along as a group out of the bedroom >Raven manages to sneak up beside me and give my arm a little squeeze >I take this as a "I'm not mad at you and thanks for getting me into poker" kinda message. >But knowing raven it could have been anything. >"Listen there's polar bears chasing us we should hurry up" >"I think glasses is wearing white underwear, so pure" >"I hate you" >I pretend her squeeze meant the thing i wanted it to mean though. >The rest of the gaggle of girls is relatively quiet >I guess me yelling at birthday kinda dampened moods >It didn't matter in my head, i really wasn't going to deal with more of this cutting people out of the fun female drama that kept going down. >competition is all right and good, but when you start cutting at your friends to win? That sucks man. >We arrive at the living room and blondie is already there lounging on the couch >Probably assumed we would show up eventually >She was right >There's the old setup of two-candles, a couple flashlights and the room is bright enough to play cards by >Can even see a clock on the wall, 9:15, they had locked us in that bathroom for like 2 hours. >Dicks. >We set up in a rather large circle, sitting knee-to-knee cross legged. >Least i do, blondie does and glasses does. Homely isn't wearing pants still and birthday/raven are wearing skirts. >Can't have them appearing non-ladylike can we >Even though i had seen most the feminine charms of every girl in the circle, they were all modest as mice. >Cute >Lets fix that. >I throw down the rules >Poker, No fancy card-value bullshit, normal rules, winning hand gets a single dare against a single person. >You can choose to not perform a dare, but the next dare you win is forfeit to cancel it. >If you're already in debt, you can either choose to do the old dare, or the new one. But whichever one you don't choose is now in your debt pile. >Can't give the same dare to someone holding onto it already. >Simple, gives people an out from doing things they really don't want to do (always a buzz kill when someone gets dared something too far and quits the game) but makes sure they can't cop out of everything. >Plus i'm really fucking good at poker when i'm paying attention. >I hand the deck to glasses, she cuts, shuffles it kinda funny and deals. >I get a royal flush >that's not even being good at poker >It's like some heaven sent sign that my luck is going to change, >Oh man this is gonna be great. >"Blondie, shirt, off" >I don't even hesitate, they've all got clothes back on and i had them so nicely-half undressed too from before. >Frankly if i can get topless i would be happy. >"I'll hold onto it" >What >Come on blondie i know you have a bra on >That's not even a bad dare. >We were all so happy without shirts on earlier >I... i was happy >She doesn't seem to want to change her mind >Man blondie you suck. >Alright... whatever >Next hand is dealt >I win this one too, amazing cards >I can't challenge blondie again so i just move down the line >"Alright, birthday, Shirt, off" >"I'll hold" >w... seriously? >This is some bullshit >Two hands later and i'm just confused >Firstly i'm winning by miles every time, amazing cards >I don't even have to hit, that's absurd by poker standards. >Secondly nobody seems to be hitting besides raven, they're just giving up the hands they have. >Next up, Glasses and Homely also refused to take off their respective shirts. >Homely i understand, i mean i'm pretty sure that's straight to tits free, but Glasses? >I've got an odd feeling something is horribly wrong here. >Next hand is dealt >I win again >I was even watching glasses' hands this time, she didn't feed me anything special. >Atleast it looked like she didn't >It comes to mind that the girls had just rigged the deck and were biding time until it got properly shuffled. >I wasn't ok with this >I was pretty sure glasses was responsible, or they hadn't planned on having Raven here in the first place and the entire order was fucked. >I ask to see the cards for a second >"No, you might cheat!" - Homely >Glasses has her "This wasn't my idea for once" face on. >Yeah the deck is rigged