>When the stars went out i went out
>I'm all out of faith
>But as to if i was really unconscious, or simply lost in my head
is another question.
>Because of the darkness, i really in truth had no clue how long
i was out or if i was out at all
>But the next sound i heard was the near mechanical slurping,
wooing and moaning that all bathtubs seem to make as the water
worms its way out and into the pipes.
>This is how i feel
>It strikes me as odd that those sounds are nearly indescribable
in my head, that the water leaving the bathtub has no realistic
comparison.
>But it was the sound i heard
>As i woke up.
>I'm cold and i'm ashamed
>lying naked on the floor.

>I lie there listening
>That's all i want to do
>That's all i deserve
>There's a dripping, water from the faucet, wet clothes on the
ground.
>There's a rustling of wet cloth
>All encompassed by the wooing and slurping of the water out of
the bathtub.
>There's a creak, a lever being pulled, the water starts pouring
in again.
>Raven's working the bathtub, to what end your guess is good as
mine
>I hear running water on ceramic, the sound a bathtub makes when
the drain is open and it's not filling.
>Splashing, as if she's kicking her dangling legs in the water
below the dock she's sitting on.
>The sound of sloshing water at a river, the sound of a drain
being closed.
>A loud, but inorganic click, as if she's flipped the switch
>The smells in the bathroom slowly change along with the pitch
and melody of the water.
>The bile goes away, the air becomes heavier and warmer
>Steam

>The smells become smoother, artificial
>The room fills with the aroma of some synthetic fruit, or
artificial taste that never matched the flavor it's named after.
>It smells lovely, but absolutely unrelatable to anything
natural.
>The water is cascading down in a roaring waterfall, the tub must
be partially full
>Eventually i hear the water peter off and stop
>The only thing left is the sloshing, as if it were waves
cascading on a swimming pool, or a rocky beach.
>There's a voice
>Its not my voice
>"You're cold aren't you?"

>I'm freezing
>I don't say anything
>I don't move
>A hand finds mine
>It squeezes
>"Its hot water this time..."
>I realized that long before it was said
>I could smell it, smell the steam and heat permeating through
the room
>The scent of water that you'll never notice unless you can't see
it.
>it smelled nice, it smelled warm
>i like warm
>I manage to get one of my arms under me and lift myself up
slightly
>It doesn't work very well because there's wet clothes in my way,
>Its a pile of clothes, a rough and coarse fabric, a soft and
silky one
>I ignore using the ground, grip an edge of the tub and pull
myself into a sitting position
>The smell is far stronger here
>I can hear a soft crackling, popping.

>I find a hand resting on the side of the tub
>I can only assume she's sitting, waiting for me.
>I'm having trouble getting up, my arms and legs aren't
cooperating with one another.
>It's a mixture of slippery and wet
>A mixture of the foreboding stiffness that accompanies your
limbs when you sleep in a cold place
>A mixture of the lack of strength in my tired arms
>A mixture of the pain in my lower back that had been silently
throbbing all day
>A mixture of the sharpening pain in my lungs and throat
>When people say everything hurts, they mean it's a whole host of
things.
>But not everything
>But in the course of this story you've watched. You know exactly
what i mean.
>Everything on me, every little thing, did indeed hurt.
>This went double for every aspect of my psyche, every emotional
crevice i had was filled with regret, doubt, self-loathing.
>And here i was, draped over the side of a bathtub's rim,
fragrant water encompassing its depths, with the friend i've
tried to kill splashing her legs like nothing's happened.

>It's not a feeling i can pretend i can recreate for you, it's
not a feeling i can begin to convey.
>I was simply content to stare into the darkness, knowing water,
warmth, an end, was before me. But not in sight.
>Content in the way that i felt i deserved it, deserved the
purgatory of staying here forever, like this, regretting my life
up until this point, regretting everything i'd ever done these
last few days.
>I was content to stare at nothing
>But she was not
>She placed one hand on my back, and drew lines down my spine,
reaching the waistband of these forsaken women's sweatpants.
>and with an iron grip
>She lifted me just enough to lose my grip, slide headfirst into
the water.
>It was a surprise, a shock
>I didn't see it coming
>The water was hot on my face, it burned
>It felt like i was boiling alive.

>I'm quite sure i screamed underwater, let out air and squirmed
>The result was that i slipped deeper and deeper until i was
fully in the bathtub
> my troso and legs long having left the rim.
>With a twist i'm upright and my head is above the surface
>It's hot, my face is hot
>Burning like exposed skin on a summer's day.
>But the water is not uncomfortable, simply unbearable in that
way hot water on your face so often is.

>there's bubbles in the water and i have to spit out a bit of
soapy something as i come up.
>But ultimately i seem unharmed, and warm for the first time in
ages.
>I let out a groan and recline against the slanted back of the
tub
>My muscles are groaning with me, but in a good way
>It's soothing, calming
>I hear a plop, and the water level rises a couple inches.
>It's probably a kraken, i'm expecting tentacles any moment, and
we all know what happens after that.
>Eventually, even though i was trying to stay as still as
possible, a tentacle finds my ankle.

>It worms its way up my leg and to my stomach
>Its not a tentacle even though it's slippery long and smooth
>It's a hand and an arm, the soap and hot water making it slide
effortlessly over my skin.
>It wraps itself around the back of me, the splashing
accompanying it remind me there's a human attached, a very close
one at that.
>Who only gets closer as she pulls herself into a hug
>But it's a misshapen hug, she's at an angle, she's kinda off to
the side, she ends up sideways hugging my chest, her head against
my ribcage, her chest against my stomach
>But its a hug, a dark, warm, wet, slippery hug
>And she's naked.
>Atleast the parts of her touching me are, even though i'm
sloshing around with my pants on still.
>it's still a hug, and it means more than some empty sexual
context, but what it meant i didn't know at the time.
>Until she spoke
>"I'm glad you didn't"

>I knew what she meant
>I knew she wanted some kind of answer, some kind of approval
like "Oh i wouldn't have" or "I was always going to stop"
>Something clarifying, something warm, soft, fuzzy
>Something to promise her it wasn't me in that cold water, that
since she couldn't see me it was someone else with those hands
>I wasn't going to give her that
>She deserved the truth
>"I wasn't going to stop"
>It was cold, calculated, empty of emotion ,but true.
>As i said it, i felt one of my own heartstrings snap in two, the
pang of guilt accompanying it.
>She didn't stop the hug
>I didn't understand
>She should be angry at me, not talking to me
>Instead she squeezes and clambers further up my chest, resting
her smooth body against mine and her head on my shoulder
>The warm water rocking softly with her movement.
>Its a whisper in my ear
>"Until i told you i loved you."

>Its not much of a thought process before i respond
>Near instant really
>"I squeezed harder"
>Another heartstring snapped, the pain double of the first.
>"And it hurt, i saw fireworks go off behind my eyes... but you
stopped... you stopped"
>Her whisper is quiet, trusting, caring
>Like i've done her a favor, like i've saved her life
>She doesn't understand
>She doesn't get it
>i tell her the secret
>the grand truth as to why i wasn't a murderer
>"my arms gave out"
>That was it
>That was why she was alive
>I wanted to kill her, but i couldn't
>it was because i was a weakling, a pathetic human
>These words are said as well, along with many others.
>Her response is a long time coming
>It's just silence, with the lightly lapping water at the walls
of the basin.
>The crinkling and crackling of the foam.
>"Then we're even?"


>No, fuck no
>If there was a point system in place previously it's so far gone
i can't even begin to imagine where we're at
>Like we've actually taken the points, converted them into those
stupid prizes you get at the arcades, and then lost them in a
gutter somewhere after playing with them once.
>Then the gutter is actually engulfed in a volcano along with the
rest of the city.
>Frankly in my own personal scoring system i had fucked up so
badly, that i had gone back through the good portions of town,
ruined those, and gone back to shitsvile three times over.
>But i can't convey that well enough in my mind
>and her voice was hopeful
>Whatever thought process i had that was killing me on the
inside, she probably had the same about what happened earlier.
>Whatever we were feeling on the inside, my best guess is that we
were equal, on some scale of measuring emotions that hasn't been
invented yet.
>So i just give the next best answer
>"Yeah"

>It's back to silent hugging now
>I've got my arms around her, they're slippery, i don't really
have any hold on her skin
>But i can pull her tighter and that's all that matters
>She does the same
>It's just silence and rocking waves now
>As we float in the comforting darkness
>I assume this is what being in your mother's womb must be like
>Floating in a sea of liquid, complete darkness, warmth, safety
>The only difference is i'm not alone.
>It's like that for a long while, long enough that the water
cooled down to lukewarm, long enough that i'm sure our fingers
were starting to wrinkle.
>But i feel her grip loosen and the water droplets collapse into
an entrancing symphony as she sits up and they roll off.
>She's off across the tub, the water's splashing again so i know
she's moving or doing something
>The water turns on
>The drain opens
>I realize she's performing the age-old girl secret of making the
bath water warm again.
>And she gives a yank at the leg of the sweatpants i'm wearing
and they slide halfway down
>Hot again, my mistake

>Now taking off wet clothing is really not that easy in a bathtub
>It's actually really hard depending on the clothing
>Well these sweatpants were all tangled around my legs, and they
were a girl's so the ankles didn't exactly fit me loosely.
>There was kicking, screaming, hair pulling, some blood drawing,
and more kicking and screaming involved
>It took quite a bit of effort, but eventually i was naked, she
was naked, and the water was hot again
>This is fully realized at the moment my clothing was hoisted out
of the tub and plopped with a sickening splat onto the floor
below
>The bathroom was probably flooded with all the water we kept
putting on the floor, but we didn't care.
>We returned to hugging, but it was different now
>The foam had dissipated and was no longer crackling and cackling
away as the bubble's popped
>There was more contact, she had a single leg between mine, and
the result was my leg between hers.
>Even without movement, even without even the slightest rub,
slide or nudge, we were both breathing heavily into one another's
shoulders.

>It's not as sexual a situation as you would imagine
>It was, i mean i was erect, she was sighing softly and rubbing
against my upper thigh
>The water was splashing and reverberating in waves every time we
moved
>The only thing we had to locate one another was breathing
>It was an exceptionally intimate, some would say romantic
moment.
>But more than that, it was comforting, safe, warm.
>Happy
>I was content to lie like that forever, there was no urgency, no
sense of need to change the pace.
>But as usually was the case, Raven took initiative.

>With a soft movement she straddled me, i could feel her legs on
either side of mine, one of her hands on my chest.
>Her hips lifted out of the water, the symphony of droplets once
again.
>My hands on her hips, following them into the cool air.
>Her other hand below, holding my stiffness as she lowered
herself against it
>No guesswork here, she knew exactly where it needed to go as i
felt the tip nestle past her outer lips.
>A pause in that moment, her straddling above me, complete
darkness, nothing but the splashing of water around us.
>Then she took it all, one plunge

.

>It was different to Glasses
>It didn't take 10 minutes to just enter her, the water, the
soap, everything made it slide in far easier.
>She was tighter, much, much tighter, the pressure was like
squeezing your manhood a little too firmly when fapping.
>Tight enough to make you think about how tight it is.
>The tightness itself was incredible.
>This made sense, she was a smaller girl, she had a smaller body,
a smaller frame.
>But what didn't make sense is that she was deeper.
>She took every inch, right to the base
>I still felt the pressure of pressing against what i assumed
must have been her cervix, but it wasn't in the way, it wasn't
like a roadblock, it was a change at the end of the tunnel.
>When she dropped her hips, she didn't cry, she didn't give a
shout
>I couldn't see if she was crying, had her eyes open or closed
>All i can hear are her hard, long breaths in the darkness.

>The first words she says break my heart

>"I'm sorry we couldn't both be the first"

>I can hear it in her voice, she's crying

>She's just given me hers and i was already used goods.

>Maybe because of the pain, because she's just forced herself
down on me.

>Maybe because of the pain of the words she was saying.
>Maybe because sharing firsts should be something romantic

>I'm not stressed at all

>I'm not worried

>I just curl my head up against hers and whisper

>"It's alright. You mean far more"

>She just squeezed herself tightly into me, wrapped her arms
around me and stayed there.

>I didn't need to move

>Which is odd because you usually can't stop your hips from
moving on their own when you're having sex, just fyi

>I was happy where i was, as close to Raven as i was.

>Even the water had stopped sloshing with our lack of movement,
it was silent beside our breathing.

>Eventually her arms loosen, her breathing drops from being hard
and harsh, to soft and quiet

>I realize she's fallen asleep

>It's sweet, its not even sex, its just closeness.

>I wrap my arms so that she won't fall off and i lean back and
close my eyes.

>I'm completely at bliss as i doze off.

>And then they were eaten by a grue