Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. Update #3 : April 3rd Update: 2 Days Later on r9k http://archive.heinessen.com/r9k/thread/S11199112#p11199112 >We left off when Raven and Myself conked out on the big-mchuge-mclarge parents bed >This would be the part where i go into detail about dream sequences >Unlucky for me, i don't tend to dream, or if i do i don't remember them. >Shame, i'm sure anons would have a fantastic time trying to decipher them and predict what would happen next. >As a result, nothing happens (in my eyes) between the time i pass out to the time i wake up. >First thing i see when i wake up >Raven's sleeping face, head angled downwards towards my chest >Frankly i'm pretty impressed she's still sleeping like this >I'm also impressed that i'm still facing this direction >I do backflips in my sleep im pretty sure >Seriously i cant keep sheets on my bed, its pretty bad >Raven's probably the only thing holding me down from flying away in my sleep >Either way, Raven's face is what i'm staring at >Have you ever started at the face of a sleeping girl anon? >Firstly, almost any woman of any age is beautiful when they're sleeping. >Every feature on her face is almost completely relaxed >Its kind of a peaceful blissfulness >Plus there were gentle movements that just make it worth watching and staring at forever >The gentle twitch of an eyelid, or the corner of her mouth >The movement of her breathing, her body moving upwards and downwards slowly each breath >This kinda thing is mesmerizing >You can just lie there and watch her forever >I was planning on doing just that >justyoutrytostopmemotherfuckers >Roughly six or seven minutes into my staring contest with my unblinking opponent >I start hearing mumbling from her lips >Oh man this is fucking adorable >I feel like i'm watching a kitten sleeping and mewing in her sleep or something >i can't handle how cute this is >I'm trying to figure out what she's saying now >its kind of bits and pieces of words, and then incoherent sounds >Now as fantastical as this story is, i wish i could tell you she was saying something romantic >Something movie perfect, something that sung praises of a future together. >i wish i could sit here and lie through my teeth and tell you she was mumbling my name > or repeating the words "Love" over and over again. >i wish i could say it was anything else >But those things didn't happen >Raven was singing some anime theme song in her sleep >If you're gonna chase down fanatic anime lovers, i guess thats what you get. >Or get chased down >thats way more likely. >This was after all, only my second time i had been in bed with another woman for sleeping purposes >and really its the first time i woke up first and had light to see them. >Light >Oh shit what time is it >Look around for some form of clock >One is sitting on the table on the other side of raven >One of those old black digital ones with the red numbers >I can see the corner of it over the crease between her neck and shoulder >I can't move to look at it though >Squinting i'm trying to look through her tangled hair and shoulder and shirt >They're just all in the way >Its like holding your fingers over your eyes to block the sun and trying to be extremely still while trying to look through a crack in a fence and through a chain link fence on the other side at your topless neighbor's sunbathing. >You all know that feel >Terrified every time i move my eyes she's going to wake up and i won't get to stare anymore >Through very very slight neck and eye movements i manage to get a glimpse of the first number >8 >Good enough for me >Definitely early enough that i can go back to sleep >Thats pretty much everything before 12 though >Dont go back to sleep though, i just go back to staring >Gotta burn this memory in my mind forever >Start mapping out the mountain ridges of her nose, the exact angles of curves of her eyelids >As i'm practicing being a cartographer of feminine features i find the endeavour really soothing >calming actually >Feel a pressure in my bladder >Oh no >I've been lying here with a boner >This has been preventing me from feeling my need to take a piss >[spoiler] When men have erections, the sensation of needing to urinate is almost completely removed/replaced by a desire for friction or contact with your penis[/spoiler] >[spoiler]Taking a piss when your bladder is near bursting is really really similar in physical sensation to ejaculating: YW Female Anons[/spoiler] >I was so relaxed and content just staring at Raven's face that i lost my erection >No no no no >Dont want to move >Try to re initiate boner >Now that the pressure on my bladder is back, there's no way to stop it >I'm going to have to get up >Mentally cursing myself loudly >Try to finish the mapping process for the archives >Can't fail, too much importance on my shoulders >can't concentrate >Start squirming trying to press legs together >Bed jiggles >Raven's eyes flutter open >MISSION FAILURE >Instantly her face changes from a blissful innocence, to one where all the muscles are doing one thing or another >Its not even a bad expression or anything, its just as soon as you wake up you're back to controlling your face into whatever mask your emotions put it into. >Her head tilts upwards and i'm looking into her eyes again >Get lost in the green >Can't get lost in the green >Squirming with the need to piss >God damnit >"Don't move... please" i whisper as i get up and rush my way over to the bathroom >i close the door >old habits.jpeg >Niagara Falls >Sweet Release >I'm actually embarrassed by the idea that she can hear the very loud sound of my urine hitting the water in the toilet from the next room >I aim for the side of the bowl right above the water to reduce the noise and finish up >Wash hands >This strikes me as a funny action, but like i said old habits and i guess it's polite >Open the door to the bathroom >Raven is sitting upright in the bed >Hair half resting on one shoulder, half tussled in the back and on the other side >Her clothing is loose and tousled up like she just slept in it >Sleepy eyes, with a definite blank expression on her face >Not a morning person i guess >Come to think of it we didn't sleep much at all so not a no sleep person really >no issue >i always wanted to do this >prepare for takeoff >take a flying leap and stretch out one of my arms to try to tackle her to the bed beside me >Midair thoughts >God damn this is gonna be awesome >People do this on tv anime and movies all the time >Fuckin gonna be great >Almost there thoughts >God damn she looks so soft >i'm gonna cuddle the shit out of that >god damn all mine >Full way there thoughts >Course correction needed >Abort plan, abort pla... >Fuck >My knuckles clip her jaw >she kinda leans over backwards with the force of my forearm hitting her in the chest >Bends her legs underneath her in a really bad position >I hit the bed facefirst >wrist in bad place >ouch this really hurts >Bed is actually way more bouncy than i thought it was >I bounce >I end up sideways because one of my arms was anchored on raven >Oh no oh no oh no >This was a bad plan >land sideways and roll off the bed >Fall two or three feet onto the hardwood floor >Wind knocked out of me >everything hurts >specially my knuckles >Dawns on me that i just punched raven pretty hard in the face >I manage to blurt out something along the lines of "I thought it would be romantic" >Still lying facedown on the floor with my arms crumpled under me in a very silly position >I get half a sob in response >Bed moving sounds >Footsteps on hardwood sounds >Door closing sounds >Water running sounds >I'm motionless kind of regretting everything >I did manage to move my head though >Kinda wedged up against the bed baseboard and the floor, thinking about what i've done and staring at the ceiling. >I'm there for a good minute or two deciding how to kill myself for being such a fuckup >Water turns off >Bathroom door opens >Hurried footsteps >Bouncy bed sounds >Face of an angel peeks over the side to look at me >She's smiling >Phew >She sees me and her face instantly turns to a frown. >Oh no >"are you alright?" >i'm sure i look hilarious upside down flailed out everywhere with my arms who knows where >but it doesn't feel like i broke anything, so i give back a pretty lame "Yeah". >"That really hurt you know" >I mumble back something about thinking it would be like a scene from one of the animes i knew she had watched. >"Yeah well it wasn't, here let me help you up" >It takes approximately two days to clean my tangled mess off the floor >Which means about twenty seconds later we were sitting together on the edge of the bed. >"Alright its my turn" >Oh man >Raven gets up and moves back >Takes a similar leap at me >Midair thoughts >Oh man she's gonna get this perfect watch this >Halfway thoughts >Uh oh she's coming in a little low >All the way there thoughts >This is gonna hurt >She headbutts me in the chest >This knocks me onto my back on the bed >This makes her entire body slide up along mine and she then hits the top of her head on my chin >Movement had stopped >My ears are slightly ringing from the head/chin hit >I'm acutely aware that her knee is nestled up against my crotch >Centimeters from what would have been a trip to the pain dimension >"How was that" >I squeak out "Perfect" >She breaks down into some rich laughter >Oh man the feeling of a girl on top of you laughing is so worth the pain >[spoiler]First of all her weight is all shifting ontop of you back and forth because laughter itself involves tons of movement[/spoiler] >[spoiler]Muscles, lungs, everything[/spoiler] >[spoiler]Then it kinda vibrates through you, no matter what she's close enough that any sounds she makes vibrates through your body[/spoiler] >[spoiler]This means that every laugh shakes you a little bit and vibrates your entire body, its amazing[/spoiler] >Crazy great feeling >Plus i guess her tits were pressed against my chest. >Thats always a plus >Anime silliness aside, we both figured we might as well get up. >Stomach grumbles from me >Food >Alright time to scavenge and see what we've got and maybe rouse the rest of the house too >We both get up and arrange our clothing in a manner that's reasonable >Not that it really matters or anything, but it looks like we just woke up >I mention i'm going to go rouse the house while she goes to the bathroom >"I already did, i'm coming with you" >Comprehension dawns on me >Thats what the running water was >She had turned on the faucet to disguise the sound of urine hitting the water >Brilliant i tell you >I wrap my arm around hers in some kind of wizard of oz arm and arm kinda thing >We stomp off towards the living room to wake everyone up >We're marching like toy soldiers arm in arm >I bet we look hilarious >We walk into the living room and birthday girl is rubbing her eyes already awake >probably woke her up with stomping >no fucks given >Raven detaches her arm >[spoiler](leaving it with me so i don't feel lonely) [/spoiler] >and goes over to shake homely awake >I get to pounce over and wake up blondie >Kneel over beside her >She's definitely the cutest girl in the room >Long blonde hair flowing down everywhere >Not sure how i want to approach the waking-up-a-sleeping-girl-game >Contemplate kissing her awake >Realize blondie is probably the shyest, and this wouldn't go over well > Sadface on the inside >I end up shaking her until she opens her eyes and moans some angry things about it being too early and that we did too much last night >Panic, she knows >and that she fell asleep because we were up so late >Panic gone >She really has no clue >I guess she was moved here by glasses >Wait a second where is glasses >I get up and leave the girls behind to wake themselves up and do morning things >walk down the long ass hallways back to birthday girl's room >open the door and walk in >Nearly break out laughing >Glasses is sprawled out on the bed, feet on the pillows and head at the bottom, fast asleep >She's wearing my boxers and her old t-shirt >The sheets are everywhere, pillows are on the floor >We probably did this last night and i didn't realize >Suppressing my laughter, i walk over with a shit eating grin on my face >Lean over and give her a kiss right on the lips >Take my fingers and hold her nose >Her eyes pop open wide as saucers >Sees my eyes >Instantly relaxes into the kiss >Continue kissing >[spoiler]I would go on an entire tirade about morning breath and all that, but i just can't be assed.[/spoiler] >She tenses up again and makes a couple mmmgpph noises >Oh right i'm still holding her nose >Let go and continue kissing >break apart after a minute or two >She's breathing heavily >"T... thanks for the wakeup" >I respond with my suavest "My pleasure" >Somehow not a bumbling fuckup around this girl >counting my blessings >Now wait a second >"Those are my boxers!" >Her response, a simple "Yeah" >I'm pretty sure this is suicide to let her keep wearing those >Raven might know, but three out of five jealous girls don't. >Me: "Listen you gotta take those off, the other girls..." >Her: "Oh i'm sure you'd like them off wouldn't you" >Well of course she got me with that snappy comeback real quick >this isnt going to be easy at all >Alright time to change my universal translator to girl >i work the words "Other girls" Jealous and "feelings" into a decent argument >She's having none of it >Her "My panties are still wet, no way i'm wearing em" >I give up on this futile effort >i tell her she can wear the boxers, shes just got to put on pants so the other girls can't tell >this seems to be a reasonable compromise >she dons her pair of pants from the other day and grabs her panties and hides them in a bag of her stuff in the room so nobody else finds them. >Im kinda standing there watching >because who doesn't like watching women when clothes going on/off are involved >Glasses tiptoes over to me and whispers in my ear a quick "I'll be sure to give them back just as sticky as you made mine " >Boner through the roof >She's not going to help though as she giggles and trots away down the hallway >God damnit >I readjust my raging boner and head off back to the living room to meet up with everyone >When i hit the living room i find five women in various states of dress and awakeness >Nobody seems to notice my boner >Except glasses who licks her lips >Why god why >The sentiment of "I'm hungry" was said and quickly echoed by all >Birthday girl breaks the news that her mom was going to make us all breakfast >Sad noises all around >I offer to cook >Instantly the hero >Get held up on the shoulders of the crowd as fanfare plays and confetti rains down >Not really >[spoiler] but yes really[/spoiler] >First the birthday girl demands we all brush our teeth >Well i don't have a toothbrush >neither do the girls >Brushing your teeth is for pansies /thuglyfe >She's got disposable toothbrushes for everyone >holy shit i'm so down fuck this brushing your teeth is boss ignore my previous statement. >She's only got five toothbrushes >Sharing toothbrushes is like the least god damn attractive idea >I don't know why, considering i'd made out with all except one of the women there >But this is just disgusting for some reason >This is generally agreed upon >): someone won't get to brush their teeth >This serious conundrum has us all stumped for a while >Women decide to draw straws to see who gets to share a toothbrush with me >What >Hold the fuck on why don't i get a say in this >God damnit >Not even perverted arousal, i was not down for sharing a toothbrush >Specially not with homely >They insist that everyone has to brush their teeth or they will have bad breath all day >*sigh* >They continue coming up with ridiculous rules and things >We have to go brush our teeth together, alone >everyone else will use the master bathroom >This sounds like a really bad version of seven minutes in heaven >Straws are Held in birthday girl's hand >I'm not doing this >I want no part of this >Glasses greedily draws at the straws with what seems to be hunger in her eyes >She's kinda scary >Long straw >Not a winner >Raven blushes and grabs one >Why the fuck is everyone ok with this but me >is this a fetish i don't understand >Its long, not a winner >Homely grabs one >Its long >Phew >Two girls left >Blondie's turn to pick >She pulls back her hand >Its short >Fuck >Well maybe not fuck >Well actually yes fuck >Sharing toothbrushes is wrong anons >Thats it, im done, story stopping right here >Im kidding >I figure ill just wash it off for like four minutes or something >[spoiler]if it was homely this story woulda been over though[/spoiler] >[spoiler]just know that[/spoiler] >Blondie looks embarrassed as usual >Thats like normal blondie mode though >Raven looks jealous >Birthday looks Jealous >Homely looks like she doesn't give a shit >Glasses has a weird smile on her face >Did i mention glasses is scary? >Blondie and i get shoved off into the tiny little bathroom off on the side of the house >Its actually pretty small, cabinet above the sink and very little room >I hand her the toothbrush and just wait around >I get to watch a girl brush her teeth >its like watching myself brush my teeth but its a girl >this still makes it better >not really much better though >just imagine yourself brushing your teeth but as a girl >[spoiler]im sorry if that turned you on[/spoiler] >either way, blondie finished up a very thorough brushing with some cinnamon toothpaste and hands me the toothbrush >How the fuck am i gonna handle this >I just take it and start running it under the water >Blondie is staring at the toothbrush >This is extremely awkward >"M... maybe they have some alcohol or something to disinfect it>?" Is her assessment of the situation >Really the best solution would be for me to stop being a faggot and just brush, but fuck you. >Blondie reaches up and starts working on getting the cabinet open above the sink >I just nod my head and kinda stare down at the toothbrush some more, not sure i actually want to do this no matter how much water i run across it >This decision is not mine to make however, because with a bang blondie opens the cabinet way too hard >It seems to have been stuck >And my head is in the way of where the cabinet needs to open >BANG >this cabinet is flimsy as hell, but i'm knocked back and stumble down into a sitting position >This is the second time this girl has tried to kill me >My suspicions are raised >Guard is up >She's probably an assassin sent here to kill me >I can't let this happen >I'm going to have to kill her first. >instead of retaliating, i get up to her cries of "Oh my god are you ok i'm so sorry im so sorry oh my god im so sorry" >Yup, She's definitely trying to kill me >I wave it off and say "I'm OK" to not alert her to my newfound knowledge of her secret identity >There's no alcohol in the cabinet >God damnit >Fuck you blondie >Just put toothpaste on and just angrily begin brushing my teeth >Dont even give a fuck, just rage brushing to distract me from my head hurting >Blondie is just one big blush, as i can now see in the mirror on the inside of the cabinet >Also has some pretty sad eyes on with an "I'm sorry" look on her face >Give zero fucks >Teeth fully brushed in record time >Delicious cinnimony freshness >keeping an eye out on the blondie assassin. >obviously she thought something romantic would happen >Before she smashed my head in with a cabinet for a second time in 24 hours >BY HER >Done with toothbrushing now >Its time to leave >Glaring daggers at blondie i walk over to the door and try to open it >Its locked from the outside somehow >HOW THE HELL DOES A BATHROOM HAVE A LOCK ON THE OUTSIDE >hear giggling from outside the door >GOD DAMNIT >HOW IS THIS EVEN A THING >Rattle the knob for like 10 more seconds >loud cursing from myself >more giggling from the other side of the door >Ends up its not locked they're just holding the knob and that means you can't turn it >Lever on one side and that slippery doorknob on the other so i have no friction to win in a strength contest. >god damnit >im not playing this game >I actually announce this loudly >I am so done >I go and pout and sit over on the toilet >blondie is over by the shower looking small >mostly because she's not actually that big of a girl compared to me >but you get what i mean >[spoiler]you anons thought this was going to be the blondie arc[/spoiler] >[spoiler]implying its not[/spoiler] >Trapped in a bathroom with a girl hired by the mafia to assassinate me >Just spend the entire time pouting on the toilet >As she's planning the next way to kill me i'm sure >Like three minutes pass >Blondie is definitely over there squirming around >She walks over to the door and says >"Let us out, i have to pee" >All remaining girls are outside the bathroom >Laughing >Laughing >Probably the worst thing she could have said >There's no way those girls are going to open that door now >She protests and complains at them through the door for a couple minutes >quite a few minutes actually, and she's really squirming around now and clenching her legs together >Every time she bangs on the door she shifts legs and she's got them clenched together, a slight bend in her knees. >really she probably has to pee really bad >She's completely unwilling to do it with me here though >"Whatever," i sigh and stand up, >i tell her to use this toilet and i just wont look >She's not ok with this >But she's practically hopping from leg to leg now >I tell her "It's probably more embarrassing if you piss yourself" >Chorus of giggles outside the door >I walk over and switch places with her >I turn and just stare into the corner >where the doorhinges meet the door >gonna count the lines in these metal hinges i am >Toilet seat goes up >Rustling clothing >No actual sound of her sitting on the toilet, i guess thats not really a thing that makes a sound >Realize i didn't turn on the water to hide the sound >Get to enjoy a full minute and a half of tinkling sounds >All my male mind can imagine is what her vagina looks like >[spoiler]I swear to god thats all you think about when you hear women pissing[/spoiler] >[spoiler]thats just how it works[/spoiler] >Hear a defeated "Oh no" >Turn around halfway and look around at her >Can't see anything more than her bare knees, sink hides the rest >"No toilet paper" >Hahahahahahaha >God damn fate >Contemplate leaving her there to fend for herself >Not really that mad though, might as well help out >I lean over, rummage through the sink drawers and find a roll, turn my eyes away and hand it in her general direction >Appreciative noises >Back to the corner i go >Rustling clothes again >Footsteps >She's behind me and she wiggles her arms around me in a weird sort of back-hug >"Thanks for not looking" >She lets go in a flash and starts banging on the door again >The girls are outside too busy laughing at her last words and i take the chance to force the door open >God damn birthday girl was holding it >Shit list >Gonna burn her pancakes >I also promptly announce thats what im going to make >just gonna pretend they weren't little shits and make food >too hungry to care >We meander over to the kitchen >the rest of the girls ask blondie various embarrassing questions about our "Time together" >Typical 7 minutes in heaven kinda questions >Really its just girls being girls >I rummage through the fridge, find milk, eggs, Ham (they had like a container of salted ham in big slices), grab some random pancake mix from a cabinet birthday shows me and its cooking time. >The girls have no intention of helping and decide to fuck off to play vidya >Blondie still feels bad about hitting me a second time though, so she offers to help out. >"Sure whatever" i point at the Ham and ask her to start preparing it so we can fry it up with eggs and make pancakes in the grease >We generally ignore one another and get to cooking things >Pancake mix, eggs, milk, tiny bit of butter (yummy) >I'm getting around to stirring it when i realize i should probably show blondie how to prepare the eggs >She's cutting up the ham into yummy slices and humming some cute tune while doing it. >I pick up the pancake batter and walk over to her stirring it as i go >This puts me behind her and to her left >I mention putting milk and cheese into the eggs as she scrambles them >For whatever reason me being a full foot behind her and to the left scares the shit out of her. >She whips around >Flash of steel >Life flashes before my eyes >I throw my stirring arm up (right) and drop the pancake batter bowl >She's facing me now >Oh god what the fuck happened >the pancake batter bowl drops to the floor and almost rolls over but ends up upright >I watch the spoon fall in slow motion and hit the ground >The pancake batter on the spoon just splatters all around it >some globs fly up and hit the lower kitchen cabinets below the sink >the entire thing makes a pretty neat splatter pattern >This is no shit what i was watching at the time >I didn't even look >Spoon stopped moving >oh well back to reality i guess >turn my head and eyes towards blondie >Look of complete horror upon her face >Ehh it can't be that bad >Look down at my arm >Long, thin line of red down my entire forearm >[spoiler]imagine panicked screaming here[/spoiler] >[spoiler]the girliest most high pitched screams you can imagine[/spoiler] >[spoiler]These are the sounds i'm making IRL right now[/spoiler] >But i didn't back then >I just stared >i don't actually think i was thinking anything. >I just smiled >i really did smile >[spoiler] you should be scared anons[/spoiler] >Took my other hand and just gently took the knife out of blondie's hand >She was pretty much frozen with fear right at that moment >Pried her fingers off >and stabbed her eleven times >Well that was it >My assassin vanquished >I put the knife down on the counter >Walked over to the sink and ran the water across my forearm >watched the blood roll away in little happy rivulets >As i heard gargles and gasps as blondie's lungs filled with blood and she lost consciousness in the background. >With a smile still on, i picked up the knife off the counter >Carefully stepped over the growing pool of pancake batter and blood >and walked to the living room. >but i didn't >even if she was most definitely hired at this point to kill me >Probably yakuza considering how much they like knives and bashing people in the head. >Mafia would get me with a gun i would think >Even if killing her and the others was the only way i was going to get out of this alive > i just calmly set the knife down on the counter and walked over to the sink >the cut was pretty much covered in blood at this point >still a smile on, i just turned the faucet on >ran my arm under the water >watched the blood roll away in little happy rivulets >and started to inspect the damage >Obviously its a gash seventeen inches deep, multiple arteries are severed and i'm going to die. >[spoiler]in reality, i've had worse cat scratches, i was so fucking extremely lucky i dont even know how to describe that level of luck[/spoiler] >[spoiler]probably vegas, i dropped everything in the story and just went to vegas at this point[/spoiler] >Superficial wound >Blondie is, well i'm pretty sure seconds away from actually exploding into hysterics >The look she was giving me was probably the same look she would give her abusive boyfriend the day that she had enough of his shit and stabbed him to death >Or the look she would give after realizing she had just signed her little brother into a lifetime of slavery by putting her name on the wrong part of a contract. >[spoiler]Disclaimer: Blondie did not and would not do any of these things; YW worried anons[/spoiler] >She's giving me eyes that you never want to see >Where as usually eyes are beautiful, you can see the depth and warmth of a person >You can enjoy the life of the person, staring into someone's eyes is the most intimate thing you can do. >Blondie's blue eyes were staring right at me >Right through me >Cold >Empty >Terrified >Tears streaming down her face >The wetness making her eyes shimmer >unblinking >Cold >The look she was giving me chilled me to the core >I was actually dying from that stare so of course i had to get her to stop >Ice lasers out of her face i swear >I just walk up and wrap my arms around her >I kinda have to scoot down because she's shorter than me >But i hug her with her head over my shoulder >She's sobbing >well, silently sobbing >Its more like dry heaves with tears >Im just looking at my arm around her back >Admiring my battlescars >Its not even bleeding that much anymore it was just a little tiny cut, it must have just slid along the entire surface of the skin >or the knife wasnt that sharp or something >thank you birthday girl's parents for never sharpening their knives. >Note to self blondie is extremely dangerous though >Still hugging the sobbing assassin who tried to kill me >She's in pieces >Whatever, time to hug her until she stops >Burning smell >oh maybe not >The butter is really hot and smoking a little bit over in the pan >I push her away a little bit >I take the knife and put it back over by the ham >and then with the most authoritative tone i can muster, i yell >"YOU" >"PANCAKES" >She's not actually herself, but this seems to shock her into some semblance of understanding. >She kinda shakes and then understands what i want from her >I watch as she bends over and picks up the pancake batter bowl and the spoon, and begins cleaning up the mess >God damn your fault anyway >Ain't gonna clean itself >You can also insert maniacal laughter and "I HAVE ASSUMED DIRECT CONTROL" into my head at this point. >Oh yeah the butter >Breakfast cooking goes rather uneventful from that point on >Blondie isn't allowed near anything sharp >Or any cabinets >I just have her stand in the middle of the kitchen and stir the pancake mix >She really does just silently stand there stirring the pancake mix for a good 10 minutes >As depressing as this sounds, by the time i'm done frying up the ham and eggs the pancake mix is well stirred >Made some god damn perfect pancakes >Give my cut a final wash off in the sink, its now just a long thin red line, no big deal at all >And i call out to all the girls "BREAKFAST" >Stampede >Four innocent bystanders were trampled alive in the transition those four girls made between the living room and the kitchen >girls all line up demanding food >Plates are retrieved and about to be filled >"Hold on" >Birthday girl has broken the food related silence >"Why is blondie looking at the floor like that" >Blondie is over to the side just staring at the floor and looking awkward >"WHAT DID HE DO TO YOU?" >The girls are all crowding and swarming around blondie now >"DID HE HURT YOU?" >"Whoah whoah hold on", i say before the anal rape train gets started and i'm at the receiving end >I try to step in to stop this >"GET AWAY FROM HER YOU MONSTER" >how the fuck is this even allowed to happen >why dont i ever remember i'm going to lose every argument here without saying a word >even if its not even an argument >just fucking lose every one >[spoiler]This taste of girl logic is brought to you today by Storybro ; YW lucky anons who haven't experienced this yet[/spoiler] >they're clamoring around blondie now demanding answers and telling her to point out on the doll where i touched her >I know for a fact that blondie is up shit creek if she mentions anything about it >Stabbing the only boy is probably enough to get her kicked out on the street this early in the morning >She's also really good friends with these girls, and doesn't have many other people >Time for tactical plan #4 >I burst through the huddle of hopping bloodthirsty teenagers >I lean down right in front of blondie and force her head up a slight bit >Everyones eyes on me thinking i'm going to kiss her or something and make it all better >I stare right into her eyes and say in my best gravely batman voice >"Don't tell them anything" >And i wink just a tiny bit with my right eye, hoping she gets the hint >Before i'm flung back across the kitchen by an army of angry women >All of them want blood >Well not glasses, she's laughing again >Probably evil laughter though >They're stomping towards me angrily, so i grab the nearest plate of food and a run away off into the living room >i make sure i make an "Eeep" sound to let them know i'm appropriately scared of them >Maybe they'll leave me alone to eat the breakfast i MADE THEM in peace >I realize they have a dining room over to the side of the kitchen actually >Might be rude to eat on the couch >I sneak into the dining room and sit happily at the table and start wolfing down the eggs ham and pancakes. >god damn delicious >pancakes have no lumps, blondie did alright >The other girls file in promptly with plates full of food >Seven seats at the table >Glasses sits at the end >All four of the remaining girls sit on the opposite side of me >This means they have to drag these big heavy wooden chairs around to the other side of the table >They all assume protective formation around blondie >Daggers >Glaring daggers >Blondie is just staring at her food and pushing it around with a fork >I start commenting about how delicious my cooking is >No response >I ask them what game they were playing in the living room >No response >Heartbreak >Being shunned by friends sucks >Glasses breaks the silence by commenting about some character from the anime we all watched last night. >It was a new episode of something >They all break into conversation and just ignore me >Its ok my food is delicious >Suddenly cold on my feet >someone else's feet >footsie, hell yes >[spoiler]footsie is a game where you and another girl pretty much just touch feet a bunch[/spoiler] >[spoiler] no seriously thats it [/spoiler] >Time to solve the mystery >Which girl is it. >Its not glasses because she's all the way over at the end and doesn't have legs THAT long. >Even though she's got great legs >[spoiler]dont tell her i said that[/spoiler] >Blondie is still sitting there playing with her food >Homely is having a discussion with glasses at the end, so i really doubt that >Its gotta be birthday or raven >Raven is glaring daggers at me >Birthday is glaring double daggers at me >They're sitting on either side of blondie in protective hen formation >I'm still playing footsie but i need to know who it is >I... i dont know >Brilliant plan >Take fork >Pretend it slips out of my hand >It falls to the floor with a clatter >skitters a foot under the table >Homely and glasses don't notice, but birthday and raven are just DEAD SILENT staring at me now. >eiiuughhh >Read that as a semi-terrified sound a small pigeon would make >Oh well, i've committed better play it out >Look them both as much in the eyes as i can >Bend down to look under the table >Its blondie's feet playing with my own >Didnotexpectthat >Look at the other legs >Birthday girl is wearing a skirt now >Her legs are open >Crotch visible >Panties digging in >Very obvious cleft, no bulge from hair like raven or glasses had. >She's clean shaven >Oh shit >Surprise myself looking >Bang my head on the table >Cough at the same time >Come up over the edge of the table and just resume eye contact >Head really hurts >tears welling up in my eyes >Hardwood tables man. >Both of them still glaring daggers >Birthday has a tiny smile on >But still daggers >Mixed signals! help! >Blondie is still staring down and playing with her food >resume footsie and eat the rest of my plate >I make a few passing remarks about how blondie should be proud she helped make this food >don't mention the part that there's probably some of my blood in the pancake batter >extra iron, whos it gonna hurt. >BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD >Girls are definitely going to kill me as soon as they find where i hid the kitchen knife >Food finished, we clean up >I make raven / glasses / homely do it because they didn't help with making it at all >And birthday girl just gets a pass because birthday >This means that she watches blondie like a hawk and doesn't let me near her >Which is a shame because i had a semi from playing footsie >What can i say, blondie had cold feet and i helped "warm" them up. >Footsie is amazing, nuff said >Anyway i realize that i should probably clean up birthday girl's room before anyone gets over there >I start going that direction >Birthday follows me >Oh no >I break into a trot >She matches my pace >I break into a run, intending to get in and slam the door and lock it before she makes it there >She's on my heels >Ohshitohshitohshit >Blondie just staring in amusement as we vanish down the hallway >I barrel through the door to her room and try to turn around >She's too fast >She's in and closes the door and locks it behind her >OH NO IT WAS A TRAP >Look around desperately like a trapped animal >oh wait a second this room is spotless >well... not spotless but the bed is made, all the sleeping bags are rolled up and nothing seems amiss >Oh right birthday is wearing a skirt >she wasn't before >FUCK >SHE KNOWS >turn slowly to face her >"My aren't we in a hurry to get in here aren't we" she says in some kind of evil sultry tone >IM FUCKED >I start scanning the windows and walls for escape routes >She starts taking steps toward me >She clicks her tongue with each step >Click >Click >Click >Imagine more scared pigeon noises here >"What did you do to blondie!" >What >We're still on that >You dont even care that we covered your bedsheets and bed in various girl and boy juices >And probably blood, i didn't even look at the bed afterwards but i'm sure glasses was a virgin >You dont even care that we've completely ruined one of your sleeping bags too >Nope >She repeats the question >She's threatening to beat it out of me now >Throwing things at me >This isn't the type of physical contact i like >[spoiler]if you haven't noticed, Birthday is violent.[/spoiler] >I dodge into her closet >Its got these huge sliding doors so im like desperately sliding it closed >She tries to get in with me >Imgoingtodieimgoingtodie >Oh wait this closet has two sides >I crawl across the closet >She gets halfway into one side >I shove open the other side trapping her where i was just >I jam the lock in the bottom of the door so she can't open that side and has to crawl over to where i was >I used to have a closet like this, there would be no way i was escaping that alive without prior experience >I book it >Out the door of her room >straight to the living room >blondie is there with a questioning look on her face >"No time to explain, run" >Grab her hand and drag her after me >We run through the laundry room >The washer is on >Take faint note of this as we flee down the direction of the master bedroom >we run into the master bedroom >Oh shit what do we do >We could lock the door but she would find us >Blondie seems to have understood the fact that my life was in danger >She runs over to the closet and opens it and looks inside >Plenty of room, we rush over and close the door behind us and try to stay quiet >Tons of coats and things and the closet is pretty deep, so we rustle our way through recently worn to the "I've only worn this once and forgot about it" section. >Smells like musty dusty closet >Its like being in the bathroom all over again >But since the closet isn't actually that big, and a huge amount of space is taken up by coats, we're forced really close together. >It's really intimate >Its also pitch black >Every single breath i take echoes across the entire space >Or it does not echo it just fills it up with sound, everything reverberates in your head when you're that close. >Blondie is breathing pretty fluttery too, i can hear every breath she's making >its about 2 minutes of near silence with only breath punctuating the entire closet. >Slamming doors >Footsteps >Various calls of "Where did you go?" from birthday >progressively angrier >Eventually she ends up stomping around in her parent's master bedroom >she checks the bathroom, and then we hear footsteps come over and stop right in-front of the closet >The door opens >A faint amount of light floods the closet, but we were all the way in the back >Piles of boxes at our feet, coats and dresses hanging over our heads >We're holding our breath and practically squishing into the corner together to make ourselves smaller. >Birthday girl makes a click with her tongue >and another >and another >heart beating miles a minute >cant imagine the world of shit i would be in if she realizes i've kidnapped blondie too >Birthday girl ruffles some coats and doesn't seem to find anything, then lets out a sigh and leaves closing the closet door behind her >Pitch black again >We both start breathing at exactly the same instant we hear birthday girl's footsteps die off. >Just us two left alone >I have blondie pressed up really firmly into the corner and i'm facing towards the door with my shoulder holding her back >I can feel her heartbeat on my shoulder >Its going just as fast, if not faster than mine >I try to turn around >This is way harder than it sounds in such a small confined space >I end up facing her with my head inches ahead of hers >The only way i can tell is by feeling her hot breath on my cheek >Every time she breathes i feel it impact a point right on my lower cheekbone and spread out >Its hot and just leaves the tiniest bit of moisture >every gap between breaths my cheek feels freezing because of it. >she whispers something really quietly >I'm so focused on her breathing that i can't hear her at all >i ask her to repeat it >"That tickles" >what >I realize that the angle she's at, if she's breathing on my cheekbone i'm breathing on her neck. >hot >only one way to find out >I lower my head downwards and open my lips, searching for something in the darkness >Flesh >Paydirt >She lets out a squeak when i make contact, as almost a confirmation i've made it. >Whatever part of her body it is, it's amazingly warm, and i quickly get to exploring and sucking on it. >Could be her neck, maybe the place her neck meets her shoulders >Vampire mode engaged >Could also be the back of her knee for all i could see >Back of the Knee vampire mode engaged >Whatever it was, it had flavor. >She tasted salty mostly, but it tasted like some kind of salty candy, with just a very very light flavor >Like noodles you don't chew or something. >Whatever it is, i continue licking and sucking it >I consider using my hands but decide better of it >Handsfreefapping.jpeg [spoiler]ohgodihopethatdoesn'tbanme[/spoiler] >All i'm getting from blondie at this point is cute little gasps >Her breath is ragged and coming in little bursts instead of smoothly >I try nipping her skin with my teeth >She takes a quick breath in and holds it >I let go with my teeth and start roaming down whatever body part i'm kissing >her breath speeds up and becomes little jagged gasps. >This is awesome >Roaming downwards i manage to find what seems to be the collar of her shirt >Awe this isn't her knee >Unless she's wearing a shirt on her feet >I doubt it >Part of me was disappointed >Well time to go back the way i came >I begin the slow trek of licking, sucking and softly biting every piece of exposed skin i can as i move my way up her throat. >The gasps and breaths are almost farther away now >Im trying to figure out how this works >I realize as i get higher that she's tilted her head all the way back to let me roam her entire neck uninterrupted >That just won't do >I roll one long lick from the top of her throat >up her chin >and connect it with a kiss after forcing her head forwards >I dont have to listen to her breath now >I can just feel it against my mouth and escaping between our lips every time she exhales >I dont just listen >I take my tongue and explore the hell out of that mouth >Every single ridge of her teeth, the bumps on her gums >The best part >She tasted like pancakes and maple syrup >god damn delicious >probably the most delicious kiss so far >But i mean she's cheating because she ate pancakes and maple syrup >But maybe not because i made those pancakes >Gonna need some anons to clarify the rules here for me, i'm not sure which way it goes. >doesn't matter, she's god damn delicious >I don't kiss her for more than a minute though >I back my head off slowly >I dont even feel her move, i think she's just waiting for what i'm going to do next. >truth be told i'm trying to figure out what i should do next >lightbulb moment >Her bunny pajamas >they're button up! >I move my head down to her chest and just rest it right between her breasts >the rise and fall of her breasts every time she takes a breath is great >man i could fall asleep on these >contemplating it >so warm >so soft >I nuzzle my head around a little bit and my chin hits a button on her shirt >Oh right buttons >I re-arrange my angle and go in to see if i can open her shirt with just my teeth >Totally gonna do this like all those guys in anime and mangas that do it >Can't be that hard >Nope >Nope >Nope >Nope >Nope >Nope >Not gonna happen >Nope >Nuh-uh >Nope >Nope >Never >Not a chance >Nope >A good two minutes later i've given up entirely with the buttons >All i've managed to do is leave a big wet spot on the first three buttons of her shirt >I really did try, i was pretty disappointed in myself >I did manage to just press my face into her breasts quite a bit in the process though, that was great. >But to open a button you need to do things that my mouth was not designed for. >Atleast those buttons >Blondie realizes i'm having trouble >Probably with that girl sense that lets them know you can't open thier bra so they jut in and do it themselves. >You know when you're just taking too damn long and they want you to move ahead with it already >thats not a sense really >Either way she pulls my head back up to her neck >I definitely forgot how awesome the neck was already >I'm passionately re-enacting scenes from twilight when i feel her hands under my chin >She's got them lower though >*Snap* >Oh she's undoing the buttons >Based blondie >I go back to licking my way down her neck >Shoulders >Haha! Upper chest >Previously unexplored territory has been opened up like paid DLC >But it was free >yessss.... >The best part about the upper chest DLC is that its got the upper curves of the breasts on it >Its like you can see where the islands rise out of the ocean, but can't visit them yet >She only had about two buttons undone at this point >But mm, boobies >I spend the next minute or two purposefully and intently wetting every inch of her upper chest >When i said oceans i meant oceans >Blondie didn't actually have huge breasts, so there was quite a bit of non-breast availible as well >She had B-ish cups, but they fit her frame so it was probably perfect >Just like before, using my tongue i could play her breathing like some kind of crazy musical instrument. >The skin below her shoulder, brought about long deep breaths >The valley of skin between the curves of her mounds brought about short gasps, with tone changes on each stroke of my tongue. >The breasts themselves, squishy but firm mounds of flesh, they made her hold her breath at first, before she actually started punctuating her breaths with tiny squeaks. >it was the kinds of sounds a mouse would give off, the tiniest cutest vocal emanations from having her chest licked and kissed. >She goes for the next button and undoes it >Oh man more breasts >The perfect cliche amount of chest is exposed, i imagine each nipple still barely hidden under the sides of each half of shirt >I bend down to take a kiss of her right breast >I nudge her shirt a bit >her right nipple pops out >Well.... >I knew it wouldn't work like it should in my head >It never does >doesn't matter >might as well make the best of it. >I start slurping that exposed nipple like no tomorrow >The texture of course is amazing on my tongue >this sensory deprivation is making this like 10x better >I can feel every wrinkle in the skin that makes up her nipple >my tongue has master senses >like wise wet dragon >Is time for master attack >I drop all pretense of letting her unbutton more >I just change sides and use my teeth to peel back the shirt >Im kinda lost at this point, so of course it takes a generally decent amount of feeling around with my tongue to find the breast again >Its ok, i get to explore the other half of her left breast >I work my way up to the left nipple and her breath changes from everything she had before, to just fast shallow squeaks >Im not even licking the nipple itself, just the area around it. >Haha, i found the sensitive one >I move to the center nub and she just holds her breath again >I keep sucking it and kissing it and i swear she hasn't breathed once. >I decide to try nipping it with my teeth >I get the slightest amount of pressure on it >She lets out the loudest god damn squeal >shoves me off and across the closet >How the fuck are you that strong >I crash into a bunch of boxes >Didn't hit my head on anything, but my shoulder hit something hard and painful >Back to the blondie is trying to kill me theories >she's still making various sounds >none of them sound that bad though, so i figure i didn't do anything too wrong >Whatever it was i can recover i swear >I crawl back over and give up the mouth-only pretense and wrap my arms fully around blondie and kinda cradle her into a relaxing position >My question soon follows "What did i do wrong?" >I don't get an answer right away >When she does answer she's hoarse and only speaks a few words at a time >"Explosion, warm, fuzzy" >"Really good" >Comprehension dawns on me as i realize i got her off with just my mouth and her breasts >hahahahaha i KNEW it was possible >Thousand bragging rights later >It was probably because i was just licking her in sensitive places for like 15 minutes straight in a dark room >But don't take this away from me. >Instead of continuing like i was planning, i just wrap her in my arms and cuddle her for a little while while she coos and "ahhs" and cools off. >I'm enjoying the warm comfort of the closet with this cute girl and closing/opening my eyes slowly >I'm almost dozing off, so comfy >I realize i can see her face and breasts with a little bit of light >Oh no someone opened the door >Oh no i wasn't paying attention when did this happen. >The door just closes again and there's no sounds but the light vanishes >Did they walk away quietly? >Clothes rustling >Nope >A couple seconds later there's definitely someone right beside us in the closet >I reach out a hand and try to feel for them >Breast through a shirt, nope doesn't help me identify them >i guess its not raven though >Upper chest >throat >chin >mouth, feels like its in a smile >nose >glasses >ahh >"How do you two like my hiding spot?" >"Hiding spot" >What >Wait a second >I ask what the fuck she's talking about >"Where do you think i was hiding after watching" >Oh fuck >the clothes on the bed >The lights out >Glasses watched raven and I in the bathroom >we were probably just too occupied with one another to even notice her >we didn't even lock the doors >she then snuck out and hid in the closet >probably watched us get dressed too >actual definition of a closet pervert >makes sense why she's been smiling all day >actual definition of a closet pervert though >I mean how often does that happen. >Blondie is just confused. >i don't blame her >I don't bother explaining >It would probably break her heart to know she was the third >Glasses just treats what she's said as completely nonchalantly as possible > "Yeah i was walking around the house because birthday girl said she lost you two" > "Took a guess and lets just say she's loud" > i couldn't actually see what was happening, but knowing glasses she just pointed a finger at blondie in some overdramatized way. >I just respond with a "Yeah i thought i broke her" >Blondie is silent >Glasses lets out an actual innocent (yet a tad sultry) laugh >"But she did throw me across the closet, hit my shoulder" >Blondie still silent >From her point of view i'm probably being a massive dick >Glasses coos about me being a big baby and reaches out and starts rubbing my shoulder >It doesn't actually feel nice, but whatever its contact i didn't initiate for once so i'm happy for it. >Oh right i should probably not traumatize the blondie >You know, she would deserve it >But, lets not >Me : "So Glasses what brings you to our neck of the woods?" >Glasses: "Deer Hunting, stags are in season" >What >I'm caught off guard >Me: "Y... you interrupted a very *private* moment" >Ii try to put emphasis on private as much as possible so she'll get the hint. >Glasses: "My Doe was getting away" >Glasses: "I picked up a great rifle though, i'm tracking her through the scopes" >Blondie actually verbally states "Doe" in confusion >I got nothing >Still nothing >Glasses Continues : "Well i've followed them to a clearing..." >Me: "Alright i give up what do you wa-" >I'm smothered by a kiss from glasses >she actually hasn't taken off her glasses this time, so they kinda crunch up against my face >The hard surfaces of the lenses are actually digging into my cheekbones >Before i can even retaliate in fairness, its over >Glasses: I was just instructed to find and make sure this cute little deer was alright >the word "Deer" is punctuated by a squeal from blondie, so i assume something was pinched or squeezed. >There's a tad bit of rustling along with this and i can feel blondie squirming around >Glasses: "Our mutual friends just wanted to make sure this cute little *Deer* wasn't being taken advantage of" >The word deer was once again punctuated by a short gasp and a squeal from blondie >I've got no clue what's going on, but glasses continues >"So what should i tell them i found the *Deer* doing"? >Blondie is now squirming and letting out little gasps >Every time glasses says deer it seems to make her squirm more >In one of her gasps she manages "Make her stop" >It seems to be directed at me >Only one way to find out >Blondie is in my lap, so i know where she is >I figure the easiest way to make glasses stop is to reach out and find out where she is >i kinda fondle around in the darkness looking around for something warm and clothed to grab onto >I find a breast again >Aha! found you! >Glasses: "I wonder what they'll think when i tell them i found my little DEER playing with the STAG in the CLOSET" >This was just mean, blondie was squealing every time she put emphasis on her words, so i figured it was time to fight back >Me: "Well maybe SOMEONE should tell the rest of the DEER that we were TALKING over the previous PROBLEM" >I punctuated "Someone" "Deer" and "Talking" with hard pinches to glasses' breast >I know they hurt because she flinched every time and took a little short breath >with "Problem" i tweaked her nipple (or as close as i could find to it) REALLY hard. >This seemed to work, she stopped the deer roleplay and just started complaining about how that was mean and that really hurt >I ignored her, and grabbed her left arm and followed it with my hand to where it was going >Down, down, towards blondie, down >missing blondie entirely >waistband of pants >Lovely, glasses was frigging herself and we didn't even realize it. >Plus those were my god damn boxers she was wearing >Right, might as well follow the other arm now >Back up her first arm >Breast >Another breast >I gave the second one a firm squeeze to remind her i wasnt done with her yet >Right arm >Follow >follow >towards blondie >blondie's stomach >blondie's waistband >Oh great >she was frigging blondie too >wait a second >TWO HANDS >THREE HANDS >Whats going on here >More god damn mysteries to solve >three hands going into the waistband of blondie's pants >I'm feeling left out >There's actually a party in her pants >Why wasn't i invited >This is some bullshit >God damn crash this party if its the last thing i do. >I manage to slide my hand in and the first thing i notice is that its pretty steamy >I mean there's three hands already in here in various states of intertwinement >Gotta untangle this mess >really just a mess of fingers though >Its kinda neat because neither of them are moving at all >Blondie expects me to help or something and is just frozen, and glasses is afraid i'm going to squeeze her breast again. >i can imagine the look of concentration on my face as i tried to work this puzzle up. >I cant figure it out at all from down here, i retreat and follow the hands back to the owners. >Gotcha, i see, puzzle solved, solution incoming >I figure out which hands are blondies, ends up she's trying desperately to cover her self up from glasses prying fingers. >Glasses has already won and has two fingers right at the top of her slit, rubbing small circles and making blondie squirm. >hey wait she's moving >I take my other hand and firmly squeeze something on glasses >who knows what, but it made her stop >In the most authoritative tone i can muster i say one word >"RUDE" >Blondie whimpers in agreement >Glasses whimpers in acknowledgement >My heart melts >oh man that was adorable >how do i get them to both do that again >Ill get a plan together and come back to myself on that one >Now i take my hand and slide it under blondie's fingers and lift up glasses fingers as well. >Blondie makes a couple sounds while this is happening, but glasses is completely silent >Eventually i have my fingers completely below both of them >This does mean that i'm actually just cupping blondie's entire crotch with my hand >No movement, just cupping >Glasses is definitely dejected she lost her new toy >Her fingers slowly start probing and trying to penetrate past my hand >not having it >iron curtain >aint gettin past me >no refugees >eventually she just takes my entire hand and places hers over it. >I take the lapse in attack to ask blondie if its better now >I don't really get a response, just some kind of contented sigh >blondie at this point just has her hands down her pants and on her legs, she's not really participating at all. >Might not even be there, astral projecting somewhere maybe. >Blondie squeezes her legs together >Nope shes here >It kind of feels weird because her thigh tendons are kinda sticking either side, i have no clue what those tendons are called >But she was definitely holding my hand in place >She's not that wet though, unlike raven or glasses >those other two would be soaking, with blondie it was really just kinda damp. >Glasses proves she's not easily defeated though >She presses her entire hand down, forcing me to put pressure on blondie >Thats a moan >Nope, nope, not having this >i reach over with my free hand and find glasses breast again >I don't squeeze it this time >i don't pinch it >I roll my hand under the edge of her shirt and bring it up >I find her bare nipple >and i start pulling her over to me with it >"OW, OW, OW" >That worked >I make it clear she realizes i'm completely serious >Another authoritative tone >"MINE" >Another content whimper in agreement from blondie >Another apologetic whimper from glasses >Oh man i'm dying this is the cutest thing ever > maybe being alpha isn't so hard >I did say maybe >I LIED >I get tackled by glasses >I get tickled by glasses >between that and the tickling, i'm laughing and i pretty much lose any semblance of situational control i had >My hand slips out of blondie's pants and i'm rolling around on the floor in this tiny little space as glasses has me tickled >she's got both hands on each side of my ribs, and one of her hands is very wet >hmmm i wonder how that happened >but i cant wonder about those things because i'm dying of laughter >oh wait her hands are gone >i sit up and realize i can see again >Glasses is dragging blondie off by the foot out of the closet >WTF >I start chasing after them >hand outstretched >glasses drags blondie all the way out of the closet and i'm almost out to meet them >She closes the door in my face >BLONDIE NOOOOOOOO