I Did Not Consent to This

   by Stormy Johnson Copyright 2012

   (this is the very real story of when I was raped in 2002.  This is
exactly as I remember it.  No exaggerations)

   (MF)(Rape)

   When I was 20 years old I was raped.  But I need to go back a few years
to begin the story.  At 18, just a few months before my high school
graduation, I met this 19 year old guy online.  He was cute and I liked him
a lot.  On the night of my high school graduation, we fucked for the first
time.  For the next 6 months I spent almost every night at his place and we
fucked like rabbits.  It was amazing sex.  I had only been with two other
guys, once each, so having sex all the time and having amazing orgasms was
very new for me.  I even thought maybe I was in love with him, but we were
just friends who fucked.  After about 6 months, he started dating this 17
year old and I started dating the first guy I actually ended up falling in
love with.  But he and I stayed good friends.  After a little over a year,
my boyfriend and I broke up and he and his girlfriend were in the middle of
buying a house.  I was incredibly heartbroken over my break up and very
vulnerable.

   When he bought the house that he still lives in today, it needed a lot
of work.  It needed new carpet, new kitchen tile, new paint, and the
electrical wiring was in really bad shape.  He, his girlfriend, his 48 year
old dad, his dad's parents, and I spent a week fixing all these things in
his house.  At the end of the week, we were able to move their stuff in. 
Throughout the week, his dad had started flirting with me more and more
each day.  I flirted back because it was nice and flattering, even though I
wasn't at all interested.  He was 48 and I was twenty...  and the father of
a man I had slept with A LOT a couple years before.  After everything was
moved in, his dad suggested that we go out and celebrate.  The grandparents
obviously weren't up for it and were going to just go to bed.  But the rest
of us thought it was great idea.  But, his girlfriend was only 19 and
looked 16.  I was only 20, but I looked like I was in my early 20's.  His
dad assured us that at the bar we were going to, they knew him very well
and they would let him "vouch" that I was over 21 and had just left my
license at home, but that there was no way they'd buy it if the girlfriend
came along.  She started throwing a fit, that if she couldn't go, her
boyfriend couldn't go either.  So that left it as just me and his dad.  I
knew it was a terrible idea, but I didn't think it'd be that terrible.  I
figured that at most I'd just have to deal with him flirting with me and I
really wanted to go to a bar for the first time.  So I agreed to go, just
the two of us.

   He drove.  I thought he was being nice and not making me waste the gas
or risk driving drunk.  We got to the bar and he even offered to buy my
drinks!  We sat at the table and he ordered me something called a Long
Island Ice Tea.  Now I know very well how much liquor is in one of those
things but at the time I had no clue.  It didn't taste like there was much,
so I drank it fairly fast.  He ordered me another one.  I drank it down
quickly as well.  We listened to music he played on the juke box.  It was
starting to get late, so we went to leave.  I didn't realize how drunk I
was until I tried to stand up and nearly fell over.  He had to help me up
and basically carried me out to his car.  I don't remember what he had to
drink, probably the same as me, but he was a much larger person with a much
higher tolerance.  I remember assuming though that he was probably as drunk
as I was, but again, now I know that's not true.  When we got into his car
I asked him to take me back to his son's house and that I would just crash
there, since my car is there.  He told me his son's house was much farther
away than his house and he didn't want to drive all that way, being drunk
himself, and that I could crash on his futon and that he'd take me back in
the morning.  I agreed because I didn't want to make him drive drunk any
farther than he had to.  I had forgotten that he actually lived way outside
of town in a wooded area.  Looking back, no way was his house actually
closer than his son's house to that bar.  As we were driving down the long
drive, past the trees surrounding his house, I was suddenly very scared. 
What had I gotten myself into?  We went inside his house, where he had a
bar set up.  It was the same room his futon was in.  I thought, I had
hoped, he was leading me in there to show me where I was going to sleep. 
But once we were in there, he poured me another drink.  And then another,
and then another.  I didn't want to be rude.  The next thing I knew, he was
kissing me.  I tried to pull away, but his hand was on the back of my head,
holding my head as he pushed his tongue into my mouth.  His other hand was
up my shirt and massaging my breasts.  I tried to push him away but it was
no use, I was so drunk I could barely do anything.  I'm sure it didn't even
feel like I was struggling.  He stopped massaging my breasts and undid his
pants, taking out his cock.  He bent me over the arm of the futon, lifted
up my skirt, pushing my head down into the mattress and jammed his cock
inside of my pussy.  It was fat, fatter than any cock I had yet felt.  I
couldn't get words to form, though I tried desperately.  Two letters, N O
and I just couldn't even get them out.  He pounded his cock inside me for
what seemed like forever, never letting go of the back of my head.  Tears
were rolling down my face and onto the mattress.  He came inside me but
didn't stop.  He kept sliding his cock in and out of my pussy, that was wet
with his cum but also my own...  I hadn't wanted to, but had definitely cum
several times while he was fucking me.  I felt so dirty, like such a slut.
I didn't even realize at the time that he was raping me.  I knew I didn't
want it, but I hadn't said no...  I had flirted with him and agreed to go
drink with him, so maybe I had unknowingly agreed to this?  After a while
he pulled his hard cock out of me and pulled me up by my hair and pushed me
down onto my knees in front of him.  He pushed his cock into my mouth and
told me to suck it.  I was terrified of what might happen if I refused, so
I did what he asked.  And I'm damn good at sucking cock, and was proud of
the bit of a reputation I had with his son and his son's friends as
"awesome at giving head", so I did give it my all.  And I made him cum very
quickly, down the back of my throat as I swallowed it all.

   He then took my hand and led me back to his bed room, where he fucked me
again, dumping another load inside me.  I was an active participant in the
2nd round, but only because I honestly didn't know I could say no at that
point.  There's so much about rape that people aren't told, especially
young women.  And some people may think that because I wasn't held down,
kicking and screaming, yelling for him to stop that I wasn't raped, or that
because I came, I wasn't raped, or that because eventually I just gave in
and participated, sucking his cock and riding it in his bed, that it wasn't
still rape, but it was.  I was terrified of what would happen, of being hit
or worse, if I said no or tried to fight it.  And he knew exactly what he
was doing.  He knew he was raping me.  He knew that he was never going to
give me any chance to say no or get out of the situation.  From the moment
I got into his car that evening, I was already being raped.  After he was
on the road, there was nothing I could do to change the course of events
that happened that night.

   The next morning he took me to breakfast at a waffle house.  I sat
across from him silent.  At one point he spoke up and said "we should do
this again sometime".  It was all I could do to nod in agreement, while
knowing I was never going to let myself be alone with him again; I just
wanted him to take me back to my car, I would have said anything at that
point if it meant getting back to my car.

   When we got to his son's house, we walked inside.  His son, the
girlfriend, and the grandparents were all sitting in the living room
staring at us.  I know they knew, or at least thought they knew, what had
happened.  They all thought I had fucked him willingly, I could see it on
their faces.  But we lied and told them that I had just gotten too drunk
and I crashed on his futon.  They seemed to believe it.

   6 months later his son and I were hanging out and I looked at him and
said "I need to tell you something".  He looked back at me and said "that
you fucked my dad?" "So you knew?  You didn't believe us that I just
crashed on his futon?" "No, I actually believed you.  But a couple weeks
ago, Bryan and I were talking about how talented you are at oral, and my
dad was there and he felt the need to chime in." (Bryan was his bestfriend
and he and I had started fucking a month or so before this conversation). I
then told him, briefly, about the series of events that happened and how it
all ended with him fucking me but that I hadn't meant for it to happen but
I was just too drunk to tell him no or push him off of me.

   It wasn't until about 10 years later (2001), that I was sitting down
with my rapist's son, talking about rape culture and consent.  About how
legally you can't consent while drunk.  That we need to move past the idea
of "it's only rape if a person says no" and into more of an idea that it's
only not rape if a person actually says yes or is clearly an active
participant from the beginning.  And he looked at me and I could see the
gears turning and he said "My father raped you".  And that's when I first
really allowed myself to acknowledge and accept that I had been raped.  For
a decade I felt shame and disgust with myself that I had "fucked my
friend's dad".  But it was traumatizing and I remember it so very vividly,
more vividly than any other single sexual encounter I've ever had someone,
and I was almost blacked out drunk.

   I still see his father about once a year at my friend's daughter's
birthday party.  I hate him, more than anyone else in my life.  But,
somehow, I still manage to cum so hard when I think about him raping me and
I love it when men hear this story and get off on it.  I have no idea why,
but it just really turns me on these days.  Even remembering back to how
scared and humiliated I was, when I think about how he took my hot young
pussy and made it his, I get so very wet and I just want to be fucked like
that again and again.