Author: Sterling Title: Forget the Harm, Forget the Foul Summary: A pedophile anesthesiologist with some cognitive distortions decides that if his adorable niece doesn't mind their sexual encounters at the time and can't them, there is no harm. Keywords: Mg Mf drug pedo inc uncle niece rape NOTICE: This story contains explicit sex. First posted 2/13/2018. I'm always eager for comments, whether good, bad or mixed. Comments to sterling27@live.com. I have written many other stories and they can all be found at /files/Authors/Sterling/ For an index see /files/Authors/Sterling/A%20%20SUBJECT%20INDE X.txt There is a more user-friendly web version of most of my stories here: /files/Authors/Sterling/www/ Sterling ============================================================ Forget the Harm, Forget the Foul Chapter 1 of 4 I'm a pedophile. My niece Katy was four years old when it all began. I loved her in all the best ways an adult loves a child. I was her favorite grown-up. But there were the other ways I loved her too -- the pedophile desires. One path a pedophile can take is sexual abuse. It can go on for years, and often the girl is profoundly damaged, even though she seems OK as it is happening. Other paths arise when he never abuses her sexually. These are paths that are mostly invisible to society at large. The pedophile may put emotional demands on the girl in the way lovers sometimes do that will confuse or hurt her. Or he may abruptly pull away because it is too painful, leading the girl to wonder what she did to drive away a man she liked so much. Or he might just continue the friendship in appropriate ways for years, suffering -- sometimes more, sometimes less, varying with the man, varying with time itself. I weaved through another sort of middle ground with my little Katy. I'm an anesthesiologist. Some of the chemicals of my art could produce a Katy in the middle of the night who would remember nothing of what happened. I know I shouldn't have done it. But there is this little devil inside me who makes me do things I shouldn't sometimes. And the harm? It's hard to find the harm. Can you find the harm? If she didn't mind at the time, and couldn't remember it? And it was my only chance in life at having a satisfying sexual relationship, and maybe I can earn some forgiveness for trying to meet such a basic need. Not if I had hurt her, of course, but for this muddy middle ground? --------------------------------------------------------- Katy spent a lot of time with me when she was small. She often stayed with me when her parents were out of town, and they both traveled a lot for work. They also loved to go away on vacations. And they even loved to have some time to themselves around their house. Katy spent a lot of time with me -- my house was kind of a second home to her, and she even kept some of her things there. I've adored Katy since she was born. When she got old enough, I could always think of fun games. I could listen endlessly as she chattered on about every little thing. I loved her in the innocent ways an adult loves a child. And then she shed her diapers for training pants and then shed the training pants for ordinary panties. She turned from a baby into a small girl. And then I developed the hugest crush on the little dear. I would have thrown my favorite coat in the mud so she could keep her feet clean -- though *she* would rather have played in the mud. I would have stood on the street for hours just to get a small glimpse of her -- though *she* was in my house constantly, in my arms, squirming on my lap. She knew I was very fond of her, but she didn't know about the extra dimension. The crush. I never got aroused when I was with her, but later, when I was alone... the fantasies were intense and specific and I felt great relief from shooting sticky ropes onto my chest as I imagined myself gazing at, sniffing, caressing my special little girl Katy. But it's not the same thing, of course. If masturbation was as satisfying as partner sex, we humans would have died out long ago. I used to sit by her bed watching her sleep. Usually just a few minutes -- once for over an hour. --------------------------------------------------------- One night in summer, she had somehow gotten her sheet wrapped around her up top, her nightgown up around her hips. She lay sort of on her stomach, but down below her legs were scissored with her right knee drawn up, her left leg down straight below. Her panties were somewhere else -- who knows why she took them off. This left her small labia on full display. Now of course I saw her naked body all the time, as I helped her change clothes or gave her a bath. But I never stared -- no girl needs to notice a man staring at her privates. But here she was, dead to the world, and there were the labia. I could look. I could imagine. I got hard. I sat beside the bed on the floor, so she wouldn't see anything even if she woke up. I freed by cock and began stroking, eyes fixed on that little slit. I imagined exploring gently with my fingers, finding it wet inside. I imagined myself behind her, stroking my cock with one hand, holding her open with the other, and then I imagined surging forward to press my glans right against her little vaginal opening. But as I passed the point of no return in real life, the fantasy changed from a gentle touch to a hard pressure against that little opening, to willing it to enlarge to accommodate me. My load spurted onto my suit pants. I shouldn't have done that, I realized at once. I would never do it again! But as I kept reliving it in my mind later... what if I did weaken? Was there any way to be prepared? It would be kind of like how teaching kids about contraception doesn't mean they're going to go out and have sex, right? If I did weaken and found I couldn't resist her charming body, there must never be any chance she would find out! But... could I have an intimate connection without harming her? As an anesthesiologist, I had many choices for a drug to knock her out. I got some on hand, and figured the proper dose for a girl her size. But I would never use it, right? But there she was just before bedtime, looking oh so cute. Sexier with every passing month. Would I be able to resist? Yes, I told myself. Yes! But just to be safe, I dissolved a powdered pill in the glass of milk she drank at bedtime. I'm good at my profession -- she would not be harmed. An hour later I went into her room where she lay sleeping. I called to her. I rubbed her shoulders. I turned her over. No response. So, I'd confirmed that the backup plan worked. I walked out of the room. But I thought of her, dead to the world, and the devil inside got me to creep back into her room. I tugged her nightgown up around her middle. There was her lower half, with one cute smooth leg, a second equally smooth and cute leg, and a cute smooth tummy. Panties covered the place where the three met. I stroked the panties idly for a while, all different parts. But naturally my attention was drawn to the part of her that was different from me -- the smooth crotch. Where men and boys have bumpy stuff, she was perfectly smooth. Gently I caressed my fingers up and down her centerline, right in front. A very sexy touch. If only, if only... Well, I was already being bad. I figured I might as well take a peek. Pulling the front of the panties out, I looked inside to see the little slit. No harm in exploring in her panties, right? So my fingers slid inside and I stroked the smooth girl flesh. It was forbidden, it was wrong, and I felt guilty. But she would never know, right? Oh, to heck with it... I pulled her panties partway down her thighs so I could look directly at what made Katy a girl. I very gently spread her lips apart to see the treasures inside. They beckoned to me with irresistible force. What harm could a little licking do? I licked, and licked some more. Never a twitch out of Katy -- I know how to dispense medicine. I poked my tongue gently against her little vaginal opening. Fully aroused, the devil inside fully got that Katy was really out cold. And the devil made me pull down my pants, then strip completely. It made me strip her so she was completely naked too. I lay down next to Katy, and caressed and kissed her everywhere. I ran my fingers very gently over her cheek, then her lips. Straddling her head, I gently pressed my penis against against each ear. I stroked her cheeks with the tip. I even put the tip right against her lips, as if she were kissing it. But she didn't respond, of course. I shuffled back a foot and brushed it over her neck, her upper arms, her chest. My glans made small circles around her tiny nipples, and it felt fantastic. I pumped my penis into each armpit a couple times, realizing how inadequate it was as a cavity to comfort a raging erection. I brought each of her hands up and circled the fingers around my cock, and I had the hand slide up and down a few times. To see those small fingers around my shaft was heaven. I went lower, sliding my penis every which way against her soft tummy. I slid it up and down her inner thighs, and pressed down between her joined thighs in a rhythmic motion. But of course the part I really wanted was her specifically girlish parts. The ones that would in a few years grow to take a penis, to welcome a penis, even to crave a penis -- though not mine, of course. I solemnly lowered myself over her, penis approaching her girliness. I pressed gently, rhythmically against her lower lips, deforming the flesh with each thrust. It was like kissing. But what I wanted was so impossible... In frustration I began wanking myself, tip pressed against her labia. It felt fantastic! At the last second I pulled my penis up and my ejaculation spewed all over her front -- between her nipples, chest lower down, and weaker pulses sending gobs onto her stomach. As my pleasure faded, I felt ashamed. But there was work to be done. I put those thoughts aside as I set to cleaning us both up, getting dressed again, getting her panties and nightgown back on. I felt guilty... but no harm was done, right? The drug would start to wear off within an hour and she would just sleep normally for the rest of the night. Well, I'd demonstrated some things, gathered some facts. I'd confirmed that the drug put her out, and confirmed that it was sufficient if I were to lose my self-control. She felt fine in the morning, if a little sleepier than usual. It was a week later I was feeling lonely and sad and she was so incredibly sexy, cuddling in my lap, giving me her charming smile. When she got up to play for a few minutes before bed time, the memory of her in my lap was strong. It was bad and wrong, but... it would do no harm. I mixed that powder into her bedtime milk again. I wasn't surprised to find that I couldn't resist going to see her after she was asleep. This time I didn't strip her completely, I just pulled the nightgown up and the panties down. I put a towel under her butt, then wanked myself with my tip held right against her vaginal opening -- I even spread her lips a little with the other hand. When my profound ecstasy began, I directed my spurts right against the entryway to her most private female place. Some of the copious ejaculation dribbled down and onto the towel. With fading ecstasy came rising guilt. But not just guilt but dissatisfaction. It struck me this second time just how dead to the world she was. She was virtually indistinguishable from a Katy-shaped sex doll. The slow rise and fall of her chest did little to dispel that image. Twice more I succumbed to my temptation, but the interludes gave me more relief than pleasure. What I was doing was wrong. I wanted to do sexy things with Katy the real person, not Katy's comatose body. And as long as I was doing wrong, I might as well do wrong in a way that was satisfying to me, right? And as always I'd be sure to arrange it so there would be no harm to her. Anesthesiologists deal with many drugs. One kind keeps a person from remembering anything that happened. It's used for certain unpleasant procedures like colonoscopies. Midazolam is the name of the old one, but the new one is even better. Remembering no discomfort -- remembering nothing at all -- patients are more likely to come back for necessary follow-ups. They are awake during the procedure -- they can answer questions and follow instructions. They can even laugh quietly at jokes. They just don't remember a thing. And it makes them relaxed and happy and lowers inhibitions. --------------------------------------------------------- It was 11pm. I shook Katy gently to wake her up. "Hi, Katy dear. I've got some medicine for you." I lifted her up so she was sitting. She looked at me sleepily through mostly closed eyes. "Just a little medicine. It tastes really good." She came to enough to drink the contents of the little medicine cup, then smiled at me. It was sweet and flavored with chocolate. "So, Katy... I've got a few things to tell you about. First, have an M&M." She ate it and smiled. "I'm going to put this little box of M&Ms way in the back of this drawer here, see? And when you wake up in the morning, you can have them all." She was wide awake now, and looked attentively at where I put the candy. "I want to tell you a story about a pink giraffe." I made up the story about a giraffe decked out with Christmas lights. Katy smiled. "And now I'm going to suck *your* thumb." She hadn't sucked her own thumb in years, and she laughed as I sucked away on her right thumb. "You're so silly!" she said. "That's me. Dr. Silly. Well, it's time to go back to sleep, OK?" "OK." I eased her back, pulled the covers up, and began singing a lullaby. Within a few minutes she was asleep. The next day, the candy box was untouched. She remembered nothing about a story with a giraffe. I sucked my own thumb, and while she thought I was being silly, it didn't trigger her memory of what had happened the night before. --------------------------------------------------------- "Hi, Katy. Try some yummy medicine." "That's really good," she murmured. "I want to play a special night-time game, OK? It's a cleaning game. I'm going to clean your cheek, like this." I licked her cheek. "That's silly." I licked some more. "That tickles... " "I think your face is clean now. So let me try cleaning your tummy. I scrunched the nightgown up around her middle and licked her stomach. "You're so silly, Uncle Jon!" "But does it feel nice?" "Yeah, it's nice. Everything feels nice. Everything is fun. I don't know why, but..." She giggled. I licked. "Lickety, lickety, lickety," she said softly, while her hand patted my head. "You don't mind?" "Feels nice." I licked her chest, and as I got towards the tiny nipples I attended to her reaction. Would this trigger her "bad touch" perceptions? There was no sign of that, so I focused on the tiny nipples and noticed my own excitement. For her, it was all just nice. She wiggled around a bit. A couple times she gave me a gentle hug. She helped me remove her nightgown easily enough, and I could lick anywhere that was exposed. But her panties stayed on. They hid the part of her that intrigued me the most. --------------------------------------------------------- "Katy, let's play a game of licking clean." "Oh, what's that?" She had no memory of it, even though we'd played that game on five nights over the past three weeks. "Katy, you know one part of you that is dirty? It's the part in your panties. You know, where you pee and poop from." "Oh, yeah." "Should I clean that for you?" She hesitated only a few moments before saying, "That's naughty, isn't it?" "Oh, if it weren't for a good purpose it would be. But this is just for cleaning." "Oh, OK!" said Katy with a giggle. Oh, that was my little Katy! She readily lifted her bottom so I could slide the panties off. Heaven! I licked from her bellybutton downward. I licked the very tops of her thighs, and the creases at her groin. "That's nice," she murmured. I licked her outer labia. "Is it dirty?" she asked. "Oh, not very dirty at all. But I'll make it even cleaner!" With great excitement I let my tongue run along the centerline, and then I slowly pressed in a little. You have some magnificent things in that crack, my dear girl! I'd been here before, but this time Katy knew what I was doing. And with the help of her relaxing drug, she thought it was funny and fun too. Soon I was where I most wanted to be. Katy lay on her back, naked, legs spread wide. I lay below her, one of her girlish lips held gently aside with each of my hands. When I lifted my face to look, I saw the girly parts that intrigue me, and they were Katy's own personal girly parts. In the background of the picture was Katy's relaxed, smiling face. But when I lowered my face and licked gently -- this was what I wanted. "Hey, that feels really, really nice!" "Does it? That's good. Should I keep doing it?" "Oh, yeah. That's so nice. I feel like I'm floating. Floating over something really nice." A couple minutes later, "That's really, really nice, Uncle Jon. It makes me want to wiggle!" And she did wiggle. She wiggled her hips all different ways. "This is lots of fun," she said. "This cleaning game." I tried to see if I could get her to orgasm, but none of my techniques made her get that more intense, focused arousal. The next night I tried it again, introducing her once more to the cleaning game, since of course she had no memory of it. She was just as happy, but still gave no sign of a rise towards orgasm. The next night I tried something different, as soon as she'd drunk her medicine. "Have you ever wondered what a boy looks like inside his pants?" "Yeah," she said sleepily. "Let me show you." Kneeling on the bed, I pulled out my penis, in its small and floppy state. I had made sure to start the session with this, since my penis never stayed small and floppy when I had been caressing Katy. She smiled a little as she looked at it. "You want to touch it?" She hesitated, then reached out her right hand for a single touch. I kept my organ in plain view as I looked at Katy's lovely face and her body. I gently caressed Katy through her nightgown. My penis grew. "See how it grows? Like magic?" She nodded and gave a small smile. "You want to touch it now?" She shook her head. Oh, well. The happy drug did a good job of getting rid of inhibitions, fears, and guilt. But my Katy didn't care much for my penis. She just wasn't interested. And I couldn't hope that she would learn to like it, because she wasn't learning anything. Each night's explorations were starting all over again. Katy did love being licked between the legs. ============================================================ Chapter 2 "I have a new fun toy," I said. "Oh?" "It's a vibrator. Feel it?" I put it against her hand. "That's funny," she said. I introduced her once more to the cleaning game, and after I'd been cleaning for a while with my tongue, I introduced Katy's private parts to the vibrator. "Hey, that's really nice!" "Isn't it? Should I do it more?" "Yeah." She liked it a lot. "Can I hold it?" I hesitated. "Why don't you hold my hand and guide it where you want it." Guided by her own sensations, she figured out how to move my hand to move the vibrator to make it feel really good, Within 5 minutes of application she gave a little gasp and shudder. "What was that?" "An orgasm. A really good feeling little girls can get." "Can I keep the vibrator?" "Uh, no..." "But I want it!" I remembered her memory loss. "OK, you can have it. So you can use it whenever you want." "Oh, that's cool. And I want to tell mommy about that." "Sure! Go ahead." I loved licking Katy's little body and especially her girl parts, and I loved giving her pleasure. And after the first time when she guided my hand to bring herself an orgasm, I found I could use the vibrator to bring her to orgasm too. It was great! It was flagrant sexual abuse, of course. But she consented and urged me on. She had a great time. I never asked her to keep a secret. And with no memory of the event, she couldn't possibly come to wonder later what it all meant and what my motives were. I just couldn't figure out where the harm was. We were both having a very good time. The guilt was growing fainter all the time. But I wanted to have a better time. I wanted some pleasure too. I explained I wanted to take my clothes off, and she didn't object. I left my briefs on, and if she glanced below and saw a big bulge down there she didn't mention it. --------------------------------------------------------- "Ooooo, that feels nice!" said Katy as I applied the vibrator to her girlish parts, and she felt its pleasure for the first time. I stopped. "Want some more?" "Yeah!" "Well, then you have to wear this blindfold." "Why?" "It's just the rules." She wore the blindfold and enjoyed her first orgasm as much as ever. She made no move to take the blindfold off. The next time, I warmed a small tube of skin cream to body temperature, and after her orgasm I squirted a bit onto her labia. "What was that?" she said. "Some skin cream. To finish the cleaning. I'll rub it around." So the way was clear. The next time, just as her little orgasm subsided, I dropped the vibrator, knelt below her and pointed my cock at Katy's parts. In under a minute of furtive stroking, I spurted onto my little angel's mound right above her slit. I explained it was skin cream, and as before she accepted the explanation without removing the blindfold. It was very exciting to rub my ejaculation all over Katy's outer labia. --------------------------------------------------------- I could be completely naked with a naked Katy. I could feast my eyes on Katy, legs spread wide, hips wiggling a little from pleasure. I could hold the vibrator just the right way with one hand and wank with the other. Or stop wanking and hold her lips apart gently to see her tiny vaginal opening. And just after she gave her little moan and shudder, I could drop the vibrator, hold her lips apart, give myself a final flurry of strokes and shoot my sticky cleaning cream right onto her post-orgasmic girl parts. As always, I explained as I caught my breath that the final part of the cleaning was ointment. So I rubbed my sperm all over her little private parts -- before cleaning her up with some wet wipes. It was heaven. Every night I introduced Katy for the very first time to sexual pleasure and gave her her very first orgasm, while I spurted my own male essence as close as possible to the place it really belonged. And yet... There was the desire to put it in that place... a very strong, primal desire. The opening was very small, and my organ -- while a little thinner than the average adult penis -- was very large. Once when Katy was very excited, with orgasm not so far away, I tried sliding my little finger into the opening, but she said, "Ow," and I stopped immediately. I could not cause pain to my dear little niece. However strong my lust, I could not do that. I returned my attention to girl, vibrator, and clitoris, and gave her once more the first orgasm of her short life. But the allure of her vagina would not go away. I could get a lubricated Q-tip in an inch, with no sign of discomfort, but that was all. But as a doctor I have my resources. First I found a real medicinal cream that helps skin become looser and more pliable. Next I constructed a small inflatable cylinder. It started out the diameter of a Q-tip, but a tube led from the cylinder to a bulb, and when it was squeezed it inflated the cylinder, bit by bit. --------------------------------------------------------- "Tasty medicine, isn't it?" "Yeah!" "I've got a special game we can play. Cleaning. I lick your cheek to clean it, like this." She smiled. "You're so wonderful, Katy. I love cleaning your cheek." "That's nice, Uncle Jon." "You know what can really use a cleaning? A fun cleaning?" She shook her head. "The place down between your legs where the pee and poop come out." "OK," she said, for the first time and the twentieth time. "There's a couple special things for cleaning... There's this thing that does buzzing and vibrating, feel it on your arm?" "That's funny." "And there's this bulb here. Hold it in your hand... That's right. Now, when I get it set up, you can help with the cleaning by pressing the bulb." "Why?" "Well, sometimes the cleaning can hurt a little, and this way you can help just the right amount to do the cleaning but not hurt yourself." "OK." "So, first let's get you out of your nightgown and panties... Very good." "Is this naughty?" "Oh, no, not at all. You can ask your mommy about it. She asked me to help you with this cleaning." "OK." I stayed fully clothed in this phase, so there was no need for a blindfold. My penis would stay hidden, practicing the art of delayed gratification. I gently worked my hands over her body in a pattern I knew she liked -- though she was just discovering that -- then I moved down below. I started with some licks that were tailored just for her own little girly parts and what made them happy. "Nice, eh?" "Yeah, Uncle Jon, this is lots of fun. But it's naughty too, right?" "Oh, no! This is cleaning. You need it to stay healthy." With her little clitoris licked to give her a certain state of arousal, I slid the tiny inflatable cylinder into her vagina, having already coated it with the skin suppleness agent. "That's one piece of the cleaning stuff. That feels OK, right?" "Yeah, that's fine. It's inside me somehow." "Yes, a special place that needs cleaning. Now we'll try this vibrating thing. I think you'll like it." I applied the vibrator a bit to the side, which I knew would turn her on without being too much stimulation to start. "Hey, that's nice!" she said. "Isn't it? Let me do some more." I broke my vibrator applications down into little 5-second segments. When she was feeling aroused and very excited, I changed the tune. "You want me to do that again?" "Yeah, please, more!" "Well, I'm happy to, but you've got to squeeze the bulb to help with the cleaning." She squeezed once. "Oh, that feels funny! It got bigger inside!" "Yes, that's where we need to clean. So here's more of those nice buzzy feelings." "More...." she said when I stopped. "Give a little squeeze on the bulb." "Ooooo, that's funny," she said, as I went back to giving good vibrations to her small but very sensitive clitoris. She got into it, learning to squeeze when I stopped. Then she said, "Ouch!" after a squeeze. "Oh, we don't want it to hurt!" I said, and quickly hit the valve to release a little pressure from the cylinder in Katy's little vagina. "How's that?" "That's better." "Did the hurt all go away?" "Yeah, it just hurt a second." "OK, now we'll go back to cleaning." So now the little cylinder was inflated inside little Katy -- to about the diameter of my little finger. And the cream could work its magic on the stretched skin. I returned to my loving attentions. Now I could give her stimulation in the pattern that worked best for her, and within a couple minutes she gasped and wriggled with yet another of her first-ever orgasms. "Did you like that?" I said with a big smile, lying down beside her and covering her chest and face with little kisses. "It was really nice," she sighed. As I sensed her getting sleepy, I deflated her little vaginal probe and removed it, coaxed her back into her panties and nightgown and kissed her good night. The next night she inflated the little artificial penis to the size of a little finger without any pain and then went beyond -- to middle finger size! This was very promising. As her vagina could comfortably take a fatter cylinder, I could also start it out deeper in her vagina. And after a mere five more sessions, the fully inflated cylinder occupied four inches of Katy's aroused vagina without any discomfort. The next step was sliding the full-size cylinder in. I started the night with the blindfold, and she showed no inclination to remove it. "This thing helps with the cleaning." I pressed the cylinder at her opening and let it stretch her out a bit. "That's kinda weird, Uncle Jon," she said, giggling. "Give me more buzzies!" I vibrated her tender privates just so, and she liked it a lot. So in the cylinder went, bit by bit. I then moved it in and out. She giggled. "Is this naughty?" "Oh, no!" I said. "It's part of cleaning. Your mom asked me to do it." "OK," she said, too relaxed and happy and sexually aroused to complain. --------------------------------------------------------- Then came the night I had been waiting for. Cylinder and pump were needed no more. I got my Katy aroused, and then inserted a cylinder -- my own, personal cylinder, ecstatic to find its way into my darling Katy. My excitement was so intense as I first felt her moist membranes enlarging to accept and kiss my glans that I almost came. But I stopped myself, and relished the next quarter inch, and the next. "I didn't know I had a hole there," she said. "Does everyone have one?" "Just girls and women. It's a wonderful hole, but it does need cleaning." "Why didn't you clean it at bath time?" "Oh, it works better this way. Don't worry about it. You can ask your mommy, she'll explain it to you." She giggled. "It sure feels good!" I slid in and out slowly, in heaven. I was able to work it all the way in until our public bones bumped. It felt so amazing that I had to remind myself to apply the vibrator just the way she liked it. When she came, I felt the very faintest of contractions against my penis. That was exciting! Three more thrusts, and I was spurting deep into Katy's little vagina, brain awash in ecstasy. I had finally arrived. For once, I didn't feel like I really would have liked more. All of my forefathers had conceived the next generation by ejaculating in a vagina. Had any one of them been content with ejaculating outside, he would never have become my forefather. And while my desire was directed to a girl who was not fertile, the desire was just as strong. Now I had burrowed my penis into Katy as far as it would go, and I had orgasmed there, filling her up with life-giving sperm. I had anticipated one problem -- the semen would leak out unpredictably and make her or her mother suspicious. This problem didn't need any doctor's magic -- a light-duty tampon with applicator did the job: insert into a wet, post-orgasmic vagina and slowly remove. I made one further refinement. I wanted Katy's pleasure to be the result of my own thrusts, not a separate production. I found a vibrator in the shape of a ring that I could slide down over my penis until it was at the base. We went through the procedure as usual, including some warming up from the hand-held vibrator. She giggled as she felt herself penetrated for the very first time. But soon the pleasure came back to the center of her attention. When I had my penis at maximum penetration, her clit was getting a delicious vibration. It faded as I pulled back, making her desire my next thrust. With careful attention, I gave her an orgasm. I then turned the vibrator off and pumped in and out with abandon before spurting into my Katy once more. Once I was inserted into Katy and lowered onto her so our chests were touching, I removed her blindfold. This too she thought was fun. That time I enjoyed her face and its expressions as she reached orgasm in perfect sync with me. Brief penetration with the semen absorber, cleaning up the outer sexy parts with wet wipes, getting the panties and nightgown back on... Then kissing my Katy good night as she drowsed off. When she spoke of how great it was and how she couldn't wait to tell her mommy and daddy and all her friends, I could tell her that was a great idea. They would all be interested to hear about it. --------------------------------------------------------- I shut off and tossed aside the hand-held vibrator, and turned on the one around my cock. There was my Katy, blindfolded, trusting me. She lay on her back, legs spread wide, with her private parts exposed. She looked just like any other 7-year-old little girl, but she had a secret. Her vagina was ready for its womanly role, and she was sexually aroused. I lowered myself, my manly legs spreading across her much smaller girlish legs, her labia entirely smooth and hairless. The labia glided apart as I pressed. She giggled her surprise when my organ slid inside her for this new cleaning game. I feasted my eyes on the sight of my own penis, slowly working its way into my tiny Katy until it was not visible at all. I lay down on Katy most of the way, now admiring her flat chest and tiny nipples, her slender arms. I pulled the blindfold off. "Peek-a-boo!" I said. She laughed. Down below, out of our field of view, penis slid into vagina and the vibrator kissed and massaged her clit. "It feels so good!" she said, experiencing sex for the first time. I kissed her gently on the hair and cheeks and even the lips as I watched her pleasure build. Mine built in tandem. I could feel how close she was, and I felt crazy with desire and pleasure too. Holding off, just a little longer, just a little longer. "Oh!" she gasped, as she felt her first orgasm. "Aaaah!" I moaned, in heaven as down below my semen pump enthusiastically did its job. Simultaneous orgasm! Our ecstasy-fogged eyes stared into the other's. "Ah, that was so nice!" she murmured. "I love, you Uncle Jon!" "And I love you more than anything, Katy..." Her eyes drifted shut. "Getting sleepy?" She nodded. I slid out of her reluctantly and cleaned her up, producing at the end a little girl safe in her panties and nightgown, under the covers, dreaming sweet dreams. --------------------------------------------------------- Night after night I introduced Katy to sexual pleasure for the very first time, took her virginity without pain, and let her feel the first orgasm of her short life -- and a superb orgasm it was! I couldn't help myself -- I videotaped this sexual heaven on many occasions, so I could remember in later years. ============================================================ Chapter 3 One night her reaction took a different turn. "You're not supposed to touch me between the legs," said 8-year-old Katy one night as my cleaning went that direction. "They told us in school." "Oh, did they?" "Yeah, they're private parts." I was momentarily flummoxed. "Oh, OK," I said. The drug meant I wouldn't have to worry about her tattling on me for my one brief sexual touch... but what about the future? --------------------------------------------------------- "You're not supposed to touch me there," she said. "It's private." "Oh, well that's true in general, but you have a special condition. Avuncu-phall-edema. You need to be cleaned. And it's best if the first time is in the middle of the night." "Oh," she said, confused but also relaxed and happy courtesy of the drug and not eager to engage in deep or difficult thought. I worked my vibrator into position over her panties, to a place I knew was alluring. "And feel that? Isn't that nice? If you say it's OK with you then I can touch you. You like that?" "It feels really good!" she said. "You let me know if anything doesn't feel good." But everything felt great, to her and me both, and I shot my gooey present into her very private part. I never tired of this ecstasy -- deep in a small girl -- joined deeply, intimately, erotically -- and ejaculating. --------------------------------------------------------- Katy was 9 years old. "That's not cleaning, Uncle Jon. That's your penis going into my vagina. That's sex!" "Oh, you're getting to be such a big girl, I can't fool you any more! Does it feel nice?" Then I realized I was referring to a past that she didn't remember -- but she didn't pick up on it. And if she had, she wouldn't remember picking up on it. She hesitated. "Yeah, but we're not supposed to." "It's good to feel good. And besides, Katy, I want this more than anything in the world. Would you make an exception just this once, just for me? You can tell your mom and dad about it. They'll understand." "Well..." she said. "Just relax and think how good it feels..." Katy smiled and closed her eyes. "Yeah, it sure does feel good!" Katy's feet rested on the small of my back, her arms around the upper part. Her arousal and desire were unmistakable. Down below her vagina gave my penis a hot, tight, wet hug as it surged in and out. The vibrator excited her female sex nerves to a frenzy. Sensing we were both on the very edge, I lunged deep and held myself still. Katy gasped and shuddered, over and over. My cock twitched, expelling wads of sperm into her upper vagina. She caught her breath, I cleaned her vagina out with the little tampon, then cleaned her up on the outside. "Still, we're not supposed to," she said. "You ask your mom and dad, they'll tell you it's OK," I said. That seemed to satisfy her. --------------------------------------------------------- "No, don't touch me there!" said Katy with passion. I hadn't even gotten the vibrator onto her privates -- no opportunity for pleasure to counteract her doubts. This was a new level of objection. I apologized and stopped. But it was frustrating. Maybe it was a phase? No, the next two nights she reacted exactly the same. --------------------------------------------------------- "Don't touch me there!" The devil within me reawakened. So what if she didn't like it? She wouldn't remember. Is harm you don't remember still harm? "Oh, Katy... I know I'm being bad, but I can't help myself. You can tell mom and dad how I was being so bad... I have been nice to you for a long time, right? Been your favorite uncle? She was only momentarily deterred. "No, don't do that!" "Feel how nice that is?" The vibrator was on her sexy nerves, just the way she liked best -- or used to. "No..." I growled, "Oh, just be quiet... it won't take long... you can tell mom and dad about it and they'll put me in jail." Katy lay quietly. I tossed the vibrator aside, mounted and thrust my penis home. Her eyes went wide, but not with physical pain. In under half a minute I thrust deep and ejaculated, the pleasure as intense as ever, even if it was mixed with a much more intense guilt. When I had us both cleaned up, I apologized again, and she seemed much calmer. After ten minutes I apologized once more -- but by then she didn't remember any of it. Oh, blessed drug! I tried adding a healthy dose of Ativan to her drink to quell any anxiety. Her complaints were more feeble but she still made it plain she didn't want to do it. I tried not to. Honestly, I did. A few times I just gave the drug to knock her out and did it to her inert body -- her vagina still lubricated to the application a vibrator. Was that sort of like consent? I achieved my ecstasy and fulfillment deep in the vagina of the fully drugged Katy a half dozen more times. Or maybe more -- I wasn't keeping careful count. I know I once went months without doing it to her. On two later occasions, if my memory serves, I tried again with a conscious Katy to see if maybe she had just been going through a phase. I swore to myself I would just stop if she objected. She didn't want to do it, and I paused... but she was right there, and so sexy. She didn't like it for the minute or so it was going on. But not much harm? The devil told me that surely my pleasure was stronger than her discomfort, if we were thinking about costs and benefits. And can it hurt you if you can't remember it? --------------------------------------------------------- Nature has decreed that all girls shall turn into women, and Katy's body began developing. Her breasts had already started changing the first time she'd strongly objected to my advances. When a few hairs on her mons became unmistakable as pubic hair, I made love to her one last time. I had vowed to stop before, but this time I kept my vow -- her fading attractiveness made it easy. As the weeks went by I got more in touch with how society would view this. I had been sexually abusing her for years -- raping her over and over again, technically. Still, for all except those few times she had agreed. She had felt great. And she never had any memories to trouble her later. I still loved Katy in the usual ways. I was still her favorite uncle and we still spent lots of time together, our activities changing as she grew. I'm sure I'll love her until the day I die, but my sexual interest evaporated when she began puberty in earnest. ============================================================ Chapter 4 Katy was 32 and her daughter Sarah had just turned 4. I found some time alone with the mother. "Katy, I have a confession to make." "Yes, Uncle Jon? This sounds like a weighty matter." "I... Remember how you used to wake up feeling great in the morning at my house?" "Did I? I've forgotten." "The reason was that you had had an orgasm during the night." "Really?" She was confused, then astonished as I told my incredible story. "When I first did it with my boyfriend... All my other friends talked about how it was strange. I loved it the very first time, and it did NOT feel strange to me at all. I wonder if all those times with you made some impression below the level of memory." "It wouldn't be surprising." "All those years you loved me, and you couldn't tell me, but you could be my lover in the middle of the night -- and make me happy too. Even though I don't remember it at all." I smiled at her. "You know what you did was incredibly illegal." "Oh, yes, I know that." "And immoral." "Yes, yes I can't deny it. Very immoral." I was dreading how this would escalate. I hadn't told her about the times at the end when she'd had mixed feelings about it. "So... So, do you forgive me?" "I forgive you. I mean, it worked out fine for everyone." "Oh, oh wow... that means a lot to me!" "And you've always found a way not to spend much time with Sarah, to never take her for the weekend. Do you find her attractive too?" "Yes, my God yes! ... I mean, um, yes, she is the sort of little girl I do find attractive -- in theory, or in fantasy." "How'd you like to take her next weekend?" "After all I've told you? Surely..." "Do you still have that stuff? What you did worked out just great for me. Why not try it with Sarah too! So she can enjoy orgasms in the middle of the night just like I did." --------------------------------------------------------- I sighed as I looked at what I had just written. The ending was preposterous. But the rest was hardly likely either! I erased the contents of the document I had titled "Telling Katy" and began again. --------------------------------------------------------- "I can't believe it, Uncle Jon! My entire childhood was a lie! You pretended to love me..." "I did love you." "Ha! You did not! You were just getting your jollies -- using me almost like a sex doll in the middle of the night!" "But..." "I spoke with a lawyer, and he says I can't prove anything.... But you deserve to rot the rest of your life in jail!" "Would you believe me if I said I made it all up and it never happened?" "No, I know you. You couldn't make up a story like that. How many other little girls did you abuse?" "None! Not a single one!" "Ha! Likely story. At least we never let you spend any time alone with Sarah. You've ripped a hole in my life -- how can I trust anyone if our entire uncle-niece relationship was built on a lie? You will never be allowed anywhere near Sarah again!" "Katy--" "What's more I am never going to speak to you again. We will never be in the same room again. I hate you and every lying moment we spent together. I hope you die a slow and painful death!" --------------------------------------------------------- I sighed. That was a much more likely reaction, unfortunately. A week later I took a walk, and stopped at a dumpster behind a fast food joint. I looked at the two thumb drives in my hand, the original and the backup copy. They had those videos I had made, along with the diary entries and the essays. Part of me wanted desperately to be known -- hated or loved, but at least known for who he truly was and what he had done. The other part knew that some secrets are best kept secret. After one last sigh, I threw them into the dumpster. All gone, except the story, posted years earlier on the internet anonymously. ============================================================ Epilogue Jon died. Katy missed him. He had been a huge part of her childhood, a source of endless fun. Later, he had been a sympathetic ear when she was so angry at her parents. As a young adult she had lived with him twice, a couple months on one occasion, but a couple years in the wake of her divorce. She was overjoyed to find he had left her half of his money! His other four nieces and nephews had to split the remaining half. "... To my niece Katherine Adams I leave half of the rest and residue of my estate. You are my favorite niece, and I have loved you ever since you were born. I have loved you in more ways than you could imagine..." There was something puzzling about that last phrasing. As she'd gotten older she kind of suspected he was a pedophile, when she'd learned about the celibate kind. But he'd never touched her once in a bad way. What ways could he have loved her that she couldn't dream of? ============================================================ Note to reader: This is fiction, and only fiction. While the drug Midazolam is real and does approximately what the story says, I believe it could never be used safely as it is in the story. In my experience it is given intravenously, with constant monitoring by medical devices and a doctor, it has significant enough risks that I don't think it could ever be given safely in this way, and there are probably risks from long-term repeated use too. ============================================================ What did you think? I'm always eager for comments, whether positive, negative or mixed. Comments to sterling27@live.com.