Subject: More limericks... Date: 12 Oct 88 14:08:56 GMT I just received a load of limericks from a friend of mine, and I thought that this group just might appreciate them.... 8<------------------------------ Cut Here ------------------------------>8 There was a young maid from Madras Who had a magnificent ass; Not rounded and pink, As you probably think - It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass. There was a young sailor named Bates Who danced the fandango on skates. But a fall on his cutlass Has rendered him nutless, And practically useless on dates. To his bride said the lynx-eyed detective, "Can it be that my eyesight's defective? Has your east tit the least bit The best of the west tit? Or is it a trick of perspective?" A mathematician named Hall Has a hexahedronical ball, And the cube of its weight Times his pecker, plus eight, Is his phone number - give him a call. There was a young girl named Ann Heuser Who swore that no man could surprise her. But Pabst took a chance, Found a Schlitz in her pants, And now she is sadder Budweiser. There was an old Count of Swoboda Who would not pay a whore what he owed her. So with great savoir-faire She stood on a chair, And pissed in his whiskey-and-soda. There was a young fellow named Bart Who strained every shit through a fart. Each tip-tapered turd Was the very last word In this deft and most intricate art. On a maiden a man once begat Cute triplets named Nat, Tat and Pat; 'Twas fun in the breeding But hell in the feeding: She hadn't a spare tit for Tat. There was a young tar from the sea Who screwed a baboon in a tree. The results were most horrid - All ass and no forehead, Four balls and a purple goatee. There was a young lady named White Found herself in a terrible plight: A mucker named Tucker Had struck her, the fucker, The bugger, the bastard, the shite! There was a young fellow of Kent Who had a peculiar bent. He collected the turds Of various birds, And ate them for lunch during Lent. There once was a harlot at Yale With her price-list tattooed on her tail, And on her behind, For the sake of the blind, She had it embroidered in Braille. There was an old lady of Cheadle Who sat down in church on a needle. The needle, though blunt, Penetrated her cunt, But was promptly removed by the beadle. There was a young man from Sioux Falls Renowned in vaudeville halls; His favorite trick Was to stand on his prick And then slide off the stage on his balls! Sobbed the wife of a worrisome veep, "I'm so tired and worn I could weep. It's my husband's demand For a tit in each hand - And the bastard walks 'round in his sleep!" An impish young fellow named James Had a passion for idiot games. He lighted the hair Of his lady's affair And laughed as she peed through the flames. THE ACROBAT There was a young fellow named Dick Who perfected a wonderful trick: He'd get an erection And scorn all protection, Then balance himself on his prick. 'Twas a fearful and wonderful sight; And the ladies all shrieked with delight; But the men were less zealous, For it made them all jealous, And they said Dick had no copyright! Then each of them tried it and failed, While their wives looked on helpless and wailed For each one would teeter And fall on his peter, Or manage to get all derailed. So Dick was the toast of the town; There was nothing too good for that clown, And the wives all came flocking To the acrobat's cocking, While the husbands deplored his renown. And then came the best part of all: That number would bring down the hall; For his tour-de-force trick Was to straddle his prick, And wheel out of sight on one ball! The ladies all ran to tease Dick That the Frenchman had bettered his trick; So he straddled and struggled, And one ball he juggled, But he knocked out his prop with a kick. Now the tragedy didn't end there; For as Richard whirled down through the air, His prick became tied In a knot that defied All attempts to untangle its snare. Most men would have died of remorse, But Dick found another resource: For pretzels he'd pose With a twisted-up hose, And he made a nice income, of course. A lady while dining at Crewe Found an elephant's whang in her stew. Said the waiter, "Don't shout, Or wave it about, Or the rest will be wanting one, too." There was a young girl of Baroda Who built an erotic pagoda; The walls of its halls Were festooned with the balls And the tools of the fools who bestrode her. There was a young blade of Connaught Whose prick was remarkably short. When he got into bed His lady friend said, "This isn't a prick, it's a wart." There was a young fellow of Buckingham, Wrote a treatise on cunts and on fucking 'em; But later his work Was eclipsed by a Turk Wrote an opus on assholes and sucking 'em. I once knew a clever young bitch Who owned a self-frigger the which She would use with delight Far into the night, Twenty bucks - Abercrombie & Fitch. There once was a young man from Greenwich Whose balls were all covered with spinach; So long was his tool It was wound on a spool In-ich, by in-ich, by in-ich! "It's no good," said Lady Maud Hoare, "I can't concentrate anymore. I'm all in a sweat And the sheets are quite wet, And look at the time - half past four!" Said the mythical King of Algiers To his harem assembled, "My dears, You may think it odd of me But I'm tired of sodomy; Tonight there'll be fucking!" (Loud cheers!) There was a young farmer of Nant, Whose conduct was gay and gallant; For he fucked all his dozens Of nieces and cousins, In addition, of course, to his aunt. >From the depths of the crypt at St. Giles Came a scream that resounded for miles. Said the vicar, "Good gracious! Has Father Ignatius Forgotten the Bishop has piles?" There was a young lady of Twickenham Who used to take cocks without picking' 'em. She'd kneel on the sod, And pray to her God To lengthen and strengthen and thicken 'em. Nymphomaniacal Alice Used a dynamite stick for a phallus; They found her vagina In North Carolina And half of her asshole in Dallas. A bather whose clothing was strewed By breezes that left her quite nude Saw a man come along, And, unless I am wrong, You expected this line to be lewd. There was a young lady named Clair Who possessed a magnificent pair; Or that's what I thought 'Til I saw one get caught On a thorn, and begin to lose air. There was a young fellow from Florida Who liked a friend's wife, so he borrowed her. When they got into bed He cried, "God strike me dead! Now this ain't a cunt - it's a corridor!" In Wall Street a girl named Irene Made an offering somewhat obscene: She stripped herself bare And offered a share To Merrill Lynch, Fenner and Beane. THE BISHOP OF BIRMINGHAM There were two young ladies of Birmingham, And this is the story concerning 'em: They lifted the frock And diddled the cock Of the Bishop as he was confirming 'em. The Bishop was nobody's fool - He'd been to a large public school; He took down his britches And diddled those bitches With his ten-inch Episcopal tool. But that didn't bother those two; They said as the Bishop withdrew; "Oh, the Vicar is quicker And thicker and slicker And longer and stronger than you." I once knew a very queer lass Who had a triangular ass. Now it might sound absurd But the shape of her turd Was a stately pyramidal mass! A thrifty old man named McEwen Inquired, "Why bother with screwing? It's safer and cleaner To finger your weiner, And besides you can see what you're doing." There was a young lady of Worcester Who complained that so many men goosed her. So over her caper She laid some sandpaper Now they goose her much less than they used ter. A habit obscene and unsavory Holds the Bishop of Wessex in slavery. With maniacal howls He deflowers young owls Which he keeps in an underground aviary. There was a young fellow named Wyatt Who kept a big girl on the quiet; But down on the wharf He maintained a dwarf, In case he should go on a diet. There was a young Turkish cadet - And this is the damnedest one yet - His tool was so long And incredibly strong He could bugger six Greeks en brochette. There was a young fellow named Kimble Whose prick was exceedingly nimble But so fragile, so slender So dainty and tender That he kept it encased in a thimble. There was a young man of Cape Horn Who wished he had never been born; And he wouldn't have been If his father had seen That the end of the rubber was torn. There was a young fellow from Leeds Rashly swallowed a package of seeds. Great tufts of fine grass Sprouted out of his ass And his balls were all covered with weeds. There once was a Bishop of Treet Who decided to be indiscreet, But after one round To his horror he found You repeat, and repeat, and repeat! There was a young girl from France Who jumped on a bus in a trance. Six passengers fucked her, Besides the conductor, And the driver shot twice in his pants. A nympho by name of Calpurnia Grew hotter and hotter and burnier. So she fucked and she fucked And she fucked and she fucked 'Til she fucked herself into a hernia. A steward who worked on a clipper Was quite a bit of a nipper; He plugged up his ass With fragments of glass And circumcised the skipper. There was a young man of Devizes Whose balls were of two different sizes. The one was so small 'Twas nothing at all - But the other - it won several prizes! A pretty young harlot of Crete Used to hawk her meat in the street. Ambling out one fine day In a most casual way, She clapped up the whole British fleet. There was a young fellow named Price Who dabbled in all sorts of vice: He had virgins and boys And mechanical toys - And on Mondays, he meddled with mice! There was a smart miss had a hernia Who said to her doctor, "Goldernia, When improving my middle Be sure you don't fiddle With matters that do not concernia." There was a young man from Brighton Who thought he'd at last found a tight 'un. He said, "O my love, It fits like a glove." Said she, "But you're not in the right 'un." There was a young fellow of Warwick Who had reason for feeling euphoric; For he could by election Have triune erection: Ionic, Corinthian, Doric. There was a young man from Berlin Whose tool was the size of a pin. Said his girl with a laugh As she fondled his shaft, "Well, THIS won't be much of a sin." A flatulent Roman named Titus Was taken with sudden colitis; And the venerable Forum Lost most of its quorum As he farted up half of the situs. There was a young man of Khartoum Who lured a poor girl to her doom. He not only fucked her, And buggered and sucked her - But left her to pay for the room. There was a young lady of Ealing, Endowed with such delicate feeling, When she read on the door: "Don't piss on the floor" - She lay down and pissed on the ceiling. There was a young girl of East Anglia Whose loins were a tangle of ganglia. Her mind was a webbing Of Freud and Krafft-Ebing And all sorts of other new-fanglia. There was a young fellow named Cass Whose balls were made of spun glass. He'd clink them together And play "Stormy Weather", While lightning shot out of his ass. A widow whose singular vice Was to keep her late husband on ice, Said, "It's been hard since I lost him - I'll never defrost him! Cold comfort, but cheap at the price." A brainy professor named Zed Dreamed one night of a buxom co-ed; Me mussed her and bussed her And otherwise fussed her, But the action was all in his head. There was an old man of Tagore Who tried out his cook on the floor; He used Bridget's twidget To fidget his digit And now she won't cook anymore. There was a young woman of Croft Who played with herself in a loft, Having reasoned that candles Could never cause scandals, Besides which they never went soft. THE MAN WHO ONLY SCREWED There was a young fellow named Fyfe Whose marriage was ruined for life, For he had an aversion To every perversion And only liked screwing his wife. Well, one year the poor woman struck And she wept, and she cursed at her luck, "Oh, where has it gotten us This goddamn monotonous Fuck after fuck after fuck?" There was a young lady at sea Who complained that it hurt her to pee. "Aha!" said the mate, "That accounts for the state Of the cook and the captain and me." Did you hear about young Henry Lockett? He was blown down the street by a rocket. The force of the blast Blew his balls up his ass, And his pecker was found in his pocket. A pretty young boy known as Kevin Was raped in a pasture by seven Lascivious beasts - Oh, those Anglican priests! - For of such is the kingdom of heaven. King Louis game a lesson in "Class," Simultaneously sexing a lass. When she used the word "Damn" He rebuked her: "Please ma'am, Keep a more civil tongue up my ass." Well-screwed was a boy named Delpasse By all of the lads in his class But he said, with a yawn "Now the novelty's gone And it's only a pain in the ass." A pansy by name of Ben Bloom Took a lesbian up to his room, They talked the whole night As to who had the right To do what, with which, and to whom. A mortician who practiced in Fyfe, Made love to the corpse of his wife. "I couldn't know, Judge! She was cold, didn't budge - Just the same as she acted in life." I dined with the Duchess of Lee Who asked, "Do you fart when you pee?" Replied I, with quick wit, "Do you belch when you shit? Say, Duchess, chalk one up for me." There once was a girl named McGoffin Who was diddled amazingly often. At sex, never bested She never was rested Until she was screwed in her coffin. A reckless young man from Fort Blaney Made love to a spinster named Janie. When his friends said, "Oh dear, She's so old and so queer." He replied, "But the day was SO rainy!" A fencing instructor named Fisk In sex was terribly brisk. So fast was his action The Fitzgerald contraction Foreshortened his foil to a disk. A Bishop whose see was Vermont User to jerk himself off in the font. The baptistry stank With an odor most rank, And no one would sit up in front. There was a young monk on Dundee Who complained that it hurt him to pee. He said, "Pax vobiscum! Now why won't the piss come? I'm afraid I've the C-L-A-P." A charming young lady from Brussels Takes pride in her vaginal muscles. For any erection Her timing's perfection And she never hurries - she hustles. A lovesick skydiver named Sherm Bailed out with his prick long and firm; Two jerks plus a spasm Produced an orgasm, And he spelled out "I love you" in sperm. A freshman with visions Elysian Once screwed an appendix incision, But the girl of his choice Could hardly rejoice At this horrible lack of precision. A notorious harlot named Hearst In the pleasures of men is well-versed. Read a sign o'er the head Of her well-rumpled bed: "The Customer Always Comes First!" A trucker by name of McBride Had a young whore that he hired To fuck when not trucking. But trucking plus fucking Got him so fucking tired he got fired. There once was a warden of Wadham Who approved of the folkways of Sodom. "For a man might," he said "Have a very poor head But be a fine fellow, at bottom." There was a young lady from Brent - When her husband's pecker it bent, She said with a sigh, "Oh, why must it die? Let's fill it with Portland Cement." There was a young lady named Hilda Who went driving one night with a builda. He said that he should That he could and he would, And he did and it pretty near killda. There was a young man from Australia Who painted his ass like a dahlia. The colors were fine; The drawing - divine! But the smell was a terrible failure! There was a young Catholic, Alice, Who peed in the Bishop's new chalice; But that worthy agreed That 'twas done out of need, And not out of Protestant malice. There was a young girl from Madrid Who learned she was having a kid. By holding her water Two months and a quarter, She drowned the poor bastard, she did. A maiden who lived in Virginny Had a cunt that could bark, neigh, and whinny. The hunting set chased her; But soon they displaced her When the pitch of her organ went tinny. There was a young man of St. Johns Who wanted to bugger the swans. "Oh no," said the porter, "Go bugger my daughter - Them swans is reserved for the Dons." There was a young man of Belgravia, Who cared not for God nor for Savior; He walked down the Strand With his prick in his hand, And was had for indecent behavior. There was a soprano from Reggio Whose cunt was trained in solfeggio; One day a contraction Caused such a reaction, She pissed - and missed an arpeggio! There was a young lady named Hitchin Who was scratching her crotch in the kitchen. Her mother said, "Rose, It's the crabs, I suppose." Said Rose, "And the buggers are itchin'!" I have been on dozens of larks; I like it indoors, not in parks. You feel more at ease, Your ass doesn't freeze; And strollers don't make snide remarks. A disgusting young man named McGill Made his neighbors exceedingly ill, When they learned of his habits Involving white rabbits And a bird with a flexible bill. At the orgy I fucked twenty-two; And, man, was I glad to get through. A whole night of sexing Turns boring and vexing - But at orgies, what else can you do? A broken-down lecher named Tupps Was heard to confess in his cups: "The height of my folly Was diddling a collie - But I got a nice price for the pups." There was a young man from St. Paul Whose cock was exceedingly small. Now it might do for a keyhole Or a little girl's peehole But for a big girl like me - not at all! 'Tis reported that Prince Montezuma Once had an affair with a puma. The puma in play Clawed both balls away: An example of animal humor. A prosperous merchant of Rhone Took orders for cunt on the phone; Or the same could be baled, Stamped, labeled, and mailed To a limited parcel-post zone. There was a young fellow named Sweeney Whose girl was a terrible meanie. The hatch of her snatch Had a catch that would latch - She could only be screwed by Houdini. There was a young girl of Cape Cod Who thought babes were fashioned by God, But 'twas not the Almighty Who hiked up her nightie - It was Roger the lodger, by God! There was a young fellow from Boston Who rode all around in an Austin. There was room for his ass And a gallon of gas, But his balls hung outside, and he lost 'em. A dentist, young Doctor Malone, Got a charming girl patient alone, And in his depravity He filled the wrong cavity - And my how his practice has grown! An agreeable girl named Miss Doves Likes to jack off the young men she loves. She will use her bare fist If the fellows insist But she really prefers to wear gloves. There was a young lady of Rheims Who amazingly pissed in four streams. A friend poked around And a coat button found Wedged tightly in one of her seams. An Argentine gaucho named Bruno Once said, "There is one thing I do know: A woman is fine And a sheep is divine - But a llama is Numero Uno!" A farmer I know named O'Doole Has a long and incredible tool. He can use it to plow, Or to diddle a cow, Or just as a cue-stick at pool. There once was a gangster named Brown, The wiliest bastard in town. He was caught by the G-men Shooting his semen Where the cops would all slip and fall down. There once was a young man of Kent Whose tool was so long that it bent. To save himself trouble He put it in double - And instead of coming - he went! There was an old man of Madrid Who went to an auction to bid. In the first lot they sold Was an ancient commode - And, my god, when they lifted the lid! There was a young lady from Spain Whose face was exceedingly plain, But her cunt had a pucker That made the men fuck her Again, and again, and again. There was a young man named Dave Who kept a dead whore in a cave. Said he, "I'll admit She does smell a bit, But look at the money I save!" There's an oversexed lady named Whyte Who insists on a dozen a night. A fellow named Cheddar Had the brashness to wed her, And his chance of survival is slight. There once was a lady from Arden Who sucked off a man in a garden. He said, "My dear Flo, Where does all that stuff go?" And she said, "(swallow hard) - I beg pardon?" There was a young lady of Chichester Who made all the saints in their niches stir. One morning, at matins, Her breasts in white satins Made the Bishop of Chichester's britches stir. A big Catholic layman named Fox Makes his living by sucking off cocks. In spells of depression He goes to confession, And jacks off the priest in his box. There was a young fellow named Lancelot Whom his neighbors all looked on askance a lot. Whenever he'd pass A presentable lass, The front of his pants would advance a lot. There was a young girl of Aberystwyth Who took grain to the mill to get grist with. The miller's son, Jack, Laid her flat on her back And united the organs they pissed with. There was a young man of Nantucket Whose prick was so long he could suck it. As he wiped off his chin, He said with a grin, "If my ear were a cunt, I could fuck it." There was a young harlot from Kew Who filled her vagina with glue. She said with a grin, "If they pay to get in, They'll pay to get out of it, too." There was a young fellow named Bliss Whose sex life was strangely amiss, For even with Venus His recalcitrant penis Would seldom do better than t h i s. There was a young girl from Detroit Who at fucking was very adroit She'd contract her vagina To a pinpoint or finer Or widen it out like a quoit. There was a young man of Bengal Who swore he had only one ball, But two sons-of-bitches Pulled off his britches, And the bastard had no balls at all. THAT FELLOW NAMED SKINNER There was a young fellow named Skinner Who took a young lady to dinner. They started to dine At a quarter past nine - And at twenty to ten it was in 'er. The dinner? No, Skinner. Skinner was in 'er BEFORE dinner. There was a young fellow named Tupper Who took a young lady to supper. They sat down to dine At a quarter to nine, And at twenty to ten it was up 'er. Not the supper - not Tupper - it was some son-of-a-bitch named Skinner! There was a young girl of Llewellyn Whose breasts were as big as a melon. They were big, it was true, But her cunt was big too, Like a bifocal, full-color, aerial view of Cape Horn and the Straits of Magellan. There was a young man from Racine Who invented a fucking machine: Both concave and convex, It would fit either sex - And so perfectly simple to clean! There was a young plumber named Lee Who plumbed his girl down by the sea; Said the lady, "Stop plumbing! I hear someone coming." Said the plumber, still plumbing, "That's me." A newlywed couple from Goshen Spent their honeymoon sailing the ocean. In twenty-eight days They screwed eighty ways - Imagine such fucking devotion! There was a young man named Hughes Who swore off all kinds of booze. He said, "When I'm muddled My senses get fuddled, And I pass up too many screws." There once was a monk of Camyre Who was seized with a carnal desire. And the primary cause Was the abbess' drawers Which were hung up to dry by the fire. A lecherous Bishop of Peoria In a state of constant euphoria, Enjoyed having fun With a whore or a nun While chanting the Sanctus and Gloria. There was a young man named Mirkin Who kept on a-jerkin' his gherkin; Said his wife to Mirkin, "Your duty you're shirkin' That gherkin's for firkin', not jerkin'." There once was a lovely young miss Who went down the river to read. A young man in a punt Stuck an oar in her eye And now she has to wear glasses! In the Garden of Eden lay Adam Complacently stroking his madam, And loud was his mirth For he knew that on earth There were only two balls - and he had 'em. There was a young girl from Sofia Who succumbed to her lover's desire. She said, "It's a sin, But now that it's in, Could you shove it a few inches higher?" There once was a girl of Siam Who said to her love, young Khayyam, "If you take me, of course, You must do it by force, But God knows you are stronger than I am." A lady on climbing Mount Shasta Complained as the mountain grew vaster, That it wasn't the climb Nor the dirt nor the grime But the ice on her ass that harassed her. There was a young man from St. Paul's Who read Harper's Bazaar and McCall's 'Til he grew such a passion For feminine fashion That he knitted a snood for his balls. A comely young widow named Ransom Was ravished three times in a hansom. When she cried out for more A voice from the floor Said, "Lady, I'm Simpson, not Samson." A corpulent lady named Kroll Had an idea exceedingly droll: She went to a ball Dressed in nothing at all And backed in as a Parker House roll. THE FARTER FROM SPARTA There was a young fellow from Sparta, A really magnificent farter, On the strength of one bean He'd fart God Save the Queen, And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. He could vary, with proper persuasion, His fart to suit any occasion. He could fart like a flute Like a lark, like a lute, This highly fartistic Caucasian. He'd fart a gavotte for a starter, And fizzle a fine serenata. He could play on his anus The Coriolanus: Oof, boom, er-tum, tootle, hum tah-dah! He was great in the Christmas Cantata, He could double-stop fart The Toccata, He'd boom from his ass Bach's B-Minor Mass, And in counterpoint, La Traviata. Spurred on by a very high wager With an envious Lieutenant Major, He proceeded to fart The complete oboe part Of the Hayden Octet in B-Major. It went off in capital style, And he farted it through with a smile; Then, feeling quite jolly, He tried the finale Blowing double-stopped farts all the while. The selection was tough, I admit, But it did not dismay him one bit, 'Til with ass thrown aloft He suddenly coughed - And collapsed in a shower of shit! A painter of pop art named Jacques Painted each canvas to shock. Outsized genitalia Gave the viewers heart failure But the critics just sneered, "Poppycock!" There was a young fellow named Gluck Who found himself shit out of luck. Though he petted and wooed, When he tried to get screwed He found virgins don't give a fuck. There was a young fellow named Hyde Who fell down a privy and died. His unfortunate brother Then fell down another And now they're interred side by side. There was a young lady of Dexter Whose husband exceedingly vexed her, For whenever they'd start He'd unfailingly fart With a blast that damn nearly unsexed her. There was a young lady of France Who went to the palace to dance. She danced with a Turk 'Til he got in his dirk, And now she can't button her pants. I sat next to the Duchess at tea; It was just as I feared it would be: Her rumblings abdominal Were truly phenomenal, And everyone thought it was me! There was a young fellow named Charteris Put his hand where his young lady's garter is. She said, "I don't mind, Up higher you'll find The place where my pisser and farter is." There was a young lawyer named Rex Who was sadly deficient in sex. Arraigned for exposure He said with composure, "De minimis non curat lex." There was a young lady of Wantage Of whom the town clerk took advantage. Said the county surveyor, "Of course you must pay her: You've altered the line of her frontage." A young violinist in Rio Was seducing a lady named Cleo. As she took down her panties She said, "No andantes; I want this allegro con brio!" There was a young girl from Lancaster Who'd do anything anyone asked her. But when she got spliced She got so high-priced Only Jesus H. Christ and John Jacob Astor. A weary old lecher named Blott Took a luscious young blonde on his yacht. Too lazy to rape her, He made darts out of paper, Which he leisurely tossed at her twat. A pathetic old maid of Bordeaux Fell in love with a dashing young beau. To entice his regard She would squat in his yard And appealingly piss in the snow. There was a young couple named Kelly Who were forced to walk belly to belly, Because in their haste They used library paste Which they thought was vaginal jelly. There was a young man of Kildare Who was fucking a girl on the stair. The bannister broke, But he doubled his stroke And finished her off in mid-air. A young curate, just new to the cloth, At sex was surely no sloth. He preached masturbation To his whole congregation, And was washed down the aisle on the froth. A gentle old lady I knew Was dozing one day in her pew. When the preacher yelled "Sin!" She said, "Count me in! - And as soon as the service is through!" A progressive professor named Tinners Held classes each evening for sinners. They were graded and spaced So the very debased Would not be held back by beginners. There was a young lady named Hall, Wore a newspaper dress to a ball. The dress caught on fire And burned her entire Front page, sporting section, and all. There was a young man from New Haven Who had an affair with a raven. He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "Nevermore!" There was a young lady of Norway Who hung by her toes in a doorway. She said to her beau: "Just look at me, Joe, I think I've discovered one more way." There was a young lady named Duff With a lovely, luxuriant muff. In his haste to get in her One eager beginner Lost both of his balls in the rough. An old archaeologist, Throstle, Discovered a marvelous fossil. He knew from its bend And the knob on the end 'Twas the peter of Paul the Apostle. There was a young lady from Reno Who lost all her dough playing Keno. But she lay on her back And she opened her crack And now the owns the casino.