Solomon – Losing My Balls

by Solomon

Chapter 6

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Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by blatant sexual stories, are under 18, or have a heart condition, don’t read this. If it is illegal in your state to possess this literature, then don’t possess. All within is pure fiction - I guess.

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It had been hours since Stan, the doctor had left, yet my wife was still harping on what had happened between us. She had managed to get most of the details out of me over what had gone on, but what I had kept from her was something I couldn’t possibly put into words anyway. Even if I could, I wouldn’t divulge those intimate details because I knew how she would bug the hell out of me and find a million ways to emasculate me even further. But then again, I was thinking about that word a lot and was beginning to see that since she had castrated me that it really didn’t have any further significance anymore. I mean… just how many times can a man receive that ultimate torture?

During the few times Lisa had left me to think alone, I had spent a good deal of time wondering about my friends and family finding out about me. I had two brothers but never had been very close to them, and that left my parents. My dad had always thought of me as a loser and my mom as a disappointment. I had come out here to the West coast to get away from their prying eyes in the first place, but I knew someday I would want to go back just to say, “See, I’m not as bad as you thought!” Now however, I knew that wasn’t going to happen that way, so my family wasn’t such a problem. And as far as my friends went, they were comprised mostly of my ex-work crew. When Lisa first mentioned how they would be the first to find out about me if I pissed her off, I instantly knew that one way or another that I was going to be giving them up. How could I face men my age knowing that there would always be that slight possibility of them finding out about my shame?

During the dinner I made, my first since that night, I finally found the courage to ask my wife why she needed to castrate me instead of just giving me a vasectomy. Almost like she was talking about something mundane that had happened at the office, she came right out and laid it on the line for me, and I was blown away by her answer. She didn’t miss a beat telling me as she continued stuffing my food into her face.

“It’s like this – a vasectomy wouldn’t do shit. You could still get off and even if it isn’t really sperm, you would never know the difference.” She paused, stared at me while flicking her tongue through her teeth, and pointed out, “Since I knew I would be getting you accustomed to eating a man’s… stuff, for me, I didn’t want you to think of it as something… handy. Half, no… most of the thrill, will be in finding your next meal.”

“I’m not accustomed to it and never will be. So, you did that to me just so I couldn’t cum. So I couldn’t…?”

Lisa asked somewhat sarcastically, “You know any other way? But honey, that was really the smaller part of why… you know, I collected your nuts.” She finally stopped eating, put her hands on the table and looked me straight in the eye. “You see, to a guy everything about him is about his balls. They’re your… stature, your measure as a man. And their size isn’t even that important, just that you have a pair. I watched you for three years hold them over my head as the bread winner, the macho man that had to protect me from other men, and why you got your way just because you had them. Dan, Danielle I mean, I took them first and foremost as my trophy. Yeah, that’s right, my fucking trophy. I wanted to… have them up there to swim in my own pool of triumph. So I could say to myself that I had the balls in this family, and taking yours meant I have the only balls in the house for sure. And remember, I asked you for them first and you were more than willing to hand them over to me. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I wanted your balls to rub them in your face.”

“What? You hate me that much? What did I ever do to you? I thought you loved the way I treated you?”

“No, no, I’m not making my self clear. I do love you, and I always have loved you. And now that I have your balls as my trophy, I’d love you even if you did awful things to me. But that’s not the point. How can I explain this to you…? It’s like the power source. I feel emboldened, exalted, an all powerful woman now because I’m probably the only woman on earth that has her own set of balls.”

I was thoroughly confused. “I thought this was about sex. About that night that started all this?”

“Oh, it is all about the sex honey. But instead of lying back and waiting for it to come to me, now I have what it takes to go out there and get it… take it when I want it. And get it the way that drives me up a fucking wall. It did start that night. Seeing that kid getting used like that had me quivering for weeks. The rawness of it, seeing him squirm, watching those men have their way with him… I wanted that ability. I wanted to make him squirm… I wanted to force his mouth open to humiliate him, I wanted to steal his balls right there for all to see. I couldn’t take his, but I did have yours to snatch.”

“So you want to…? And that’s why you’ve…?”

“That’s right sweet cheeks. It might be another man’s cum I use, and someone else’s cock, but it’s as good as if I was standing right there in front of you forcing it down your throat myself. Why do you think I started off by feeding you directly from my pussy? Why do you think I’m right there frigging myself as Frank’s fucking you? Seeing your tormented face, watching you squirm and begging for it to end, it’s just… wow! And don’t think I don’t appreciate it. I mean, the first thing I did was take care of you. I made it so you could relax at home and not have to work at a job you bitched about constantly. You don’t have to ever worry about making money or paying bills. And come on, you’re having the wildest sex you could have ever imagined.”

I dropped my fork and spat back at her, “What do you mean, ‘I’m having sex’? I’m not having sex… I’m fucking providing sex for everyone else. I’m the only one not even able to have it anymore.”

“That’s not true at all and you know it. Yeah, it’s not what you’re used to, but you can’t tell me that you haven’t already seen how it works. It’s just now you’re seeing it from a woman’s point of view. You think that when you were fucking me that I wasn’t taking something away from it to. I wasn’t shooting my wad to get off. A climax can be just as much in your mind as it is in your body. Think about it! You telling me that Stan didn’t show you that first hand? That’s right, I may have been teasing you a little trying to get you to open up, but I saw what you two did. And I saw your reactions – grabbing his hands, dropping your skirt, letting him feel you up, I saw all of it. Haven’t you figured it out yet? Where do you think I get all my video for my films from?”

“You have… cameras…”

“Duh! Yes, I have cameras, all over the fucking place. I use the one you gave me, but just for one angle. I had the others put in even before you quit your job. But that’s beside the point. I saw you… I know what you were feeling, I’ve been there myself. Granted, I’ve never liked giving head that much, but I certainly know the body language. And you didn’t miss a drop of Stan’s cum. You enjoyed it so much that you even felt guilty about it to the point that as soon as you were done, you had to turn away from him. I remember that from when I was in high school.”

My wife knew all along! She’s been watching every interlude whether I knew it or not. But more importantly, she had already seen things that I had desperately wanted to keep hidden from her. I finally managed to ask the one question that had bothered me for the past two days. “You see me as… you think I’m a sissy, don’t you?”

“Well, yeah, but in a good way. You never were before, but I’m the one that’s made you into one. But just for the sex. And I don’t see it as a bad thing. You sort of have to act like a sissy to enjoy a real man. And I really want you to enjoy this. I want you to experience this from my point of view. I want you to know that when you’re pleasing a man, that you’re doing it for the both of us.” Lisa got up and came around the table to me, and began rubbing my shoulders. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes knowing why she was doing all this to me. Then to comfort me in her own way, she leaned close to my ear and said, “When you’re feeling down, or in doubt about becoming this mixture of my girlfriend and my perfected husband, I want you to think about one thing. I want you to remember what it felt like… what it felt like to push your skirt down for Stan. Remember that first kiss that you finally stopped pulling away from? Remember what it felt like that made you get on your knees for him? He wasn’t making you do that; you did that because you wanted to. You felt guilty because of how much you enjoyed it, not because you were forced to do that.”

I was going out of my mind, but I was starting to wonder if my wife had found a certain logic to her madness. I mean, just about everything she said about the doctor was true, but that didn’t make it any easier for me to deal with or accept. Damn it, I am still a man. Maybe I couldn’t prove it in a locker room, but deep down I still thought like a man.

Though I couldn’t hardly find a word to say to her, Lisa kept talking at me even as I did the dishes and after as we sat on the couch pretending to watch TV. It came to a point where she began begging me to tell her I didn’t hate her for what she had done. She actually wanted me to be happy for her. Somehow she made me feel sorry for her and I finally told her that I didn’t hate her, and that I was beginning to understand what she was really after. I even admitted under her continued prying that Stan had been somewhat of a turning point for me. And even worse, I found myself telling her that I was happy that she had enjoyed watching it.

I didn’t even notice it myself until I turned to see Lisa staring at me. I asked her what she was looking at and she replied, “You’re… you’re turned on now, aren’t you? Don’t lie, I can see it.”

“I don’t know,” I struggled between being honest over her assertion and trying to keep it hidden, “maybe, a little, but just because I like knowing you enjoyed it, too. It’s not like I’m in love like you think. It was just… I don’t know… I like see you all hot and bothered.”

That started her on an entirely new rant over what she liked about other things she had seen me doing; albeit forced for the most part. I tried hiding my thoughts from her, but I think she knew what I was thinking. And after pouring me a glass of my favorite champagne, she sat on my lap and began necking with me. It had been so long since we had just made out, but it also reminded me of both the lack of sensations I would normally feel, and of the newer ones that were working their way into my head.

Lisa whispered in my ear, “I should have told you about this earlier, but Frank’s coming by in a little while. Would you hate me… if I had just a little… bit of fun with you?”

That I saw as a huge change. She was asking me for my permission to be humiliated? And even if it would bother me? However, after hours of telling me how wild she felt over watching me being put through all this crap, I was inclined to let her have her fun. I answered her with a question, “Could you at least keep it to a minimum?”

She hugged me tightly and kissed me more passionately than she had in months. “I love you so, so much. I know how hard this is for you right now, but I promise; I’ve thought this out for a long time and I know you’re going to like it in the end.” For the next ten minutes until Frank came through the door, she treated me like a king. But just before he showed up, she had one more thing to tell me.

“You’re being so sweet to me, that I have to tell you something, I really just have to tell you. I’ve had this really wild desire for months now, and I’m… I’m going to collect on it in about a week. I promise you won’t get hurt, but I have to do this.”

Mentioning that I wouldn’t get hurt had me seriously worrying about getting hurt. But as excited as she had already been, she bubbled over telling me her wish; rather what she was clearly telling me I had no choice over. All I would get over the next few days would be hints over her plans, and she made two things very clear to me. It was going to be very hard mentally for me to endure, and she would never forget me for doing it for her; ever. I was shaking over the implications that her words held.

I needed to know more, but we heard Frank’s truck driving into the driveway and she got off my lap to greet him at the door. Just before he came in, she said to me, “And don’t worry about Frank. I’ve decided that you’ve been such a sweetie about this that he’s going to get his pink slip in a few days. Just keep that in mind, because I sort of expect him to be a real ass to you tonight by the way he talked on the phone. I’ll try to keep him under control.

My body became wobbly hearing her admit what I had been assuming. Frank had tormented me once already over being a eunuch even before it became true, so now I knew for sure he would rub it in again. I remembered the days when we worked side-by-side on construction sites and how had had told me many times how I had been his best man. The word, man, bounced through my head like a pinball.

When Frank came in he immediately went after my wife. Watching the way Lisa fell into his arms and blatantly necked with him, I knew she was teasing me hard since Frank wouldn’t be around much longer. She was obviously getting in her best licks before that happened. I noticed the ring on the wall behind them and the front door. I remembered how Lisa had tethered me to it that day she had first handed me over to Frank on a platter and wondered why that had only happened once, since it hadn’t been removed.

Frank finally broke away from her and jovially asked, “So, how’s my little buddy? Walking a bit lighter these days?”

I hung my head as I heard Lisa telling me to say hello to my boyfriend. I took that tortuous walk to him and as I went through my normal routine, he grabbed at my crotch hard and I heard my wife warn him loudly not to hurt me. It was nice to hear her caring for me again. I was rather amazed that I hadn’t cried out in pain. I certainly felt some pain from his rough grab at me, but not nearly as bad as I would have expected.

Frank told Lisa how he was trying to make things work out with his wife and she encouraged him to work on his marriage. I began believing her words that he was on his way out of our lives. I knew that the way she had put it, that she was going to have to wean herself off him, was very true. I had seen her fucking him enough to know she wasn’t about to go cold turkey. Frank asked her if he was going to get to break me in and she took his words much the same way I had, and said he could have some fun with me but that he couldn’t fuck me. Since I still had the stitches in, she even warned him to leave that area alone entirely. He shrugged off her limitations and muttered that he would “get at me” later on. Lisa gave Frank a hug and me a wink. I was hoping that in the spirit of our new relation that that wink meant that he would never “get at me” again. I sort of set that wink as the test over just how well I could trust her in the future.

I was soon ordered to drop my pants to show Frank the outcome of what he had a hand in two nights ago. I felt humiliated having to pull my cock back to show my redesigned area, but turned fearful when Frank asked when the stitches would be coming out. Lisa’s evil little grin came back as she told him how the doctor had come by earlier in the day to check on me.

My wife just had to taunt me by telling him how the doctor had taken a rather long time in examining me. I was waiting for her to instigate something between me and Frank, but luckily things went pretty easy for me. I guess she was mellowing out now that she finally believed me that I wasn’t going to run off. There was also the added benefit, from her point of view, that now that I was more like her and she was looking at me more as a girlfriend, she seemed generally more caring about me. Whatever it was, I was grateful.

I saw Lisa’s new behavior towards me first hand when Frank began poking at my stitches just to make me squeal out in pain. She warned him once, but when he did it one more time a little later, she got really annoyed with him and told him to get lost for the night. She blamed it on his drinking too much, but I knew she was getting just as tired of his behavior. My big worry was whether he would tell the guys at work about me in retaliation for her dumping him. When I brought that up to Lisa after he left, she had really good news for me. The same way she had prepared evidence to use against me to keep me from running away from her treatment, she had done the same to keep him in line. Frank had already made a police report detailing the bogus theft I was supposed to have committed, but Lisa held the doctored books and told me how they could go either way as far as who might have stolen money from the company.

Over the next several days, I saw that whenever Lisa was around, she seemed to be preparing me for life as a transgendered person. I fought her over it every time until we finally came to an agreement. I would go along with the changes in my habits and lifestyles just as long as they weren’t outwardly noticeable to people out in public. She also tempered her desires so anyone that might know me wouldn’t see any great difference outside the house. I was finding some perverse pleasure in what she wanted when I saw that smile of hers go into overdrive. One of my biggest concerns was my burgeoning chest. In turned out that Lisa wanted something to play with, but she didn’t want me to grow to any excessive size herself. She finally laid her cards on the table and told me what her desired outcome would be like.

“Sweetie, you see – outside this house I want you to be passable as a man, and in the house, my little love toy.”

“Passable as a man? I am, or at least for the most part.”

“Oh, hush girl. You know what I mean. Besides, just how often do you leave the house these days anyways? You remember how your life use to revolve around work? If you weren’t heading there, you were coming home. Hell, I even had to drag your ass out on that night I know haunts you so greatly. Is that why you stopped going out?”

“You know why I stopped going out?”

“Well we don’t have to worry about you running away anymore, now do we? See, I told you getting fixed would settle you down.”

That got me mad! I hated the way she had begun referring to my mutilation as if she had done it to a dog. I think the term neutered bugged me the most, but it also pointed out to me how she flippantly saw that operation as some means of settling me down so I would stop thinking about running. What really pissed me off about her stealing my manhood from me was that in many ways she was right. I had stopped thinking about running away, but mostly because I had a whole new set of circumstances to relate to which made starting a new life much more difficult. And to be honest, now that the very worse had happened to me, I was beginning to think more about Stan. Not so much about the man, but what he had brought out in me that I had been denying, and more to the point, afraid of experiencing. I was coming to terms that on some level I could see a fascination over sex with a man. I also knew that something that Frank had told me was proving true. I had seen for myself how Lisa’s sexual proclivity doubled or even tripled when she saw me either struggling or being man-handled by another guy. Seeing me getting abused was definitely a major turn on for her.

My wife had skipped out to the store to buy some drinks so when the doctor stopped by later. I was getting my stitches out and I could see her evil little mind was working overtime trying to get something going between us. Just thinking about Stan was bothering me because I knew that there was something attracting me to him. I couldn’t admit it as anything sexual, but there was definitely something that made me tingle knowing that in a few hours he would be between my legs and inspecting once again in the nude. I had no idea why I wasn’t ashamed for him to see me nude because I felt like such a freak these days. I was no longer a whole man… and I certainly wasn’t a female by any means, so that left me with the term ‘freak’.

I went to take a piss and was sitting on the toilet before I thought about how I had sat on my own without Lisa hanging around. For a moment I wondered what it was like for a woman to urinate this way and my prick twitched. For some reason Stan popped into my head and I felt another interesting sensation where my balls once hung. I looked down trying to figure out if it was my scar causing this feeling or if it was something of a leftover resemblance of what I would have felt when I still had balls. I purposely thought about Stan and how I had fallen to my knees in front of him to see what I would feel, and sure enough, that caused a weird tingling, vibrating kind of sensation. I studied where it was coming from and quickly realized it was a mix of two places: one was the very tip of my cock head, and the other was on either side of where my testicles had hung. The actual scarred area seemed dead to the touch, other than to induce pain. I was glad that that pain had nearly subsided in the last couple of days. Either way, I saw this twitching and tingling as a positive sign that perhaps I would at least be able to get horny in the future. Maybe horny was a bad way of thinking of it since I couldn’t cum anymore. I had tried once, but I knew I had to give it another shot.

As I sat there, I started fingering my cock while thinking about eating my wife’s pussy. My cock took a while to respond, but eventually it became half hard. When I thought about asking the doctor what I might expect in the future from this otherwise useless appendage, my cock jumped to life and grew hard in seconds. I realized I was remembering what I had done to Stan and closed my eyes as I stroked harder. As I fisted myself, I took stock of exactly how it felt compared to a week ago. It was so different in many subtle ways. I didn’t have the feeling of an impending ejaculation, but there was definitely something… some sort of urgency going on that forced my hand to continue. The more I relived what had happened between me and the doc, the more intense that feeling of urgency washed through me in sort of small waves. And then at one point as I remembered getting the doctor to cum for me, I pinched my thighs together and flexed the muscles in my cock that was now blood borne. My body twitched for a moment and that felt pretty good, so I worked at my cock harder for a couple of minutes. I couldn’t duplicate the earlier feeling, but what I was actually working for was something much different anyways. When I realized I was trying to make myself cum, in an instant I lost my erection totally. I looked down as I pulled my hand away and felt so depressed that I would never spew that white slurry ever again. Most definitely, my manhood was gone.

Lisa was just getting back to the house just as I had finished reading an interesting article online. I had partial use of the computer again since Lisa had found some software that could lock up the files she didn’t want me to see. She had however left a few video files right on the desktop as if to taunt me. Obviously, they were videos of me with Frank and the doctor. I was glad to have those videos to peruse now and then. Yeah, I was a little turned on watching myself, but they also gave me a glimpse as to where Lisa had hidden cameras to tape me. I had no desire to find them, but I saw it as advantageous to know where they were just to know how I would be seen in the future. I knew there would be more films made of me, but I was past caring about that for some reason.

I heard Lisa asking, “What cha looking at?”

Hesitating to admit what I had found out, I still wanted to bring it to her attention. I had looked up castration trying to find other men that had gone through anything close to what I had and that led me to find out several different ways for men to be castrated. There appeared to be five main ways: the obvious one was a vasectomy but that wasn’t really considered true castration since the balls remained in tact. There was chemical castration that also left the balls and was only temporary at best. That left three ways considered to be the only true forms of castration. One was opening the scrotum and surgically removing the testes and another was how Lisa had chosen to do me. It was the last method that bothered me. If forced, I would have chosen that method.

I answered her, “Castration!”

Lisa came over to me and playfully bumped my side with her ass, “Sorry Danielle, but you can only do that once. But boy, do I wish I could do it more often.”

I bet, and as long as it was to me, she would enjoy it all that much more. I asked, “Why did you do it that way? For instance, here’s a way that wouldn’t have driven me so insane to watch. All it takes is a special clamp to crush the tubes, and after a while my body would have absorbed my testicles.”

That wicked grin of hers was back on her face as she half knelt down beside me and grabbed the sides of my head. She forcibly turned my head towards the fireplace mantel and said in a very calm voice filled with glee, “But then I wouldn’t have my trophy.” She stood up, grabbed the liquor she had bought and headed for the kitchen. At the door she stopped and added, “And besides, I wouldn’t have gotten to see your face reacting to seeing me actually harvesting them. That was worth it in itself.”

I felt my hands ball into fists as I looked at the bottle holding my balls on the mantel. How could she gloat over what she had done to me? And now referring to it as “harvesting”?

By the time dinner was over, I was more than a little antsy that Stan hadn’t come by yet. Lisa saw me fidgeting and finally told me that she had persuaded the doctor to come by late. Her demeanor turned girlish and giddy again as she told me that he had called earlier and she had set a time of nine o’clock for him to come by. Now that I knew, she began teasing me about what we might do together. At first it was debasing, but after enough of her taunts, it started affecting me. I even caught myself acting somewhat excited along with her, but tried to reel it in when I worried that Lisa would feed off that detail.

Around eight o’clock, she had me shower and met me when I came out with a razor, shaving cream, and a bottle of hair remover. I knew this had to be coming, but I lost my breath when I saw now was the time. I whined about her wanting to do it now of all times and even promised I would do it my self the next day, but she insisted that the doctor would be a good person to give honest feedback over my transition. I still didn’t like that word, but I had started using it myself. I stood there still dripping wet as she applied the remover to my arms, legs, and chest. For the courser hair between my legs and under my arms, she used the shaver. She was especially careful, and emasculating, as she worked her way around my incision. As weird as it all seemed, it was sort of nice seeing my wife having so much fun manipulating my body. After she was finished and I took another shower to rid my body of the remover and final hair, I saw my body in the full length mirror on the door. I felt guilty as if I was trying to trick the world.

After drying off, my wife was waiting for me as I came out of the bathroom with the clothes she insisted I wear for “the handsome doctor”. She had picked out a pair of white cotton panties because she claimed no man could refuse a girl in them because they screamed “virgin”, another short skirt, and one of her peasant-girl shirts that sported a bare midriff. I begged her to let me wear my jeans and a tee, but she insisted that the doctor would want to see me as the girl I was becoming. She even groped at my boobs and showed me how to tweak my nipples when I wanted them to stand out. I asked her why I would want them to stand out and she stated, “Well, girl, when ever you want to keep a guy’s interest, you want him to fuck you, or just in general to make a man horny.”

I was noticing that since losing my nuts that the pills I had been taking were working much faster to meet my wife’s goals. My boobs were growing increasingly more taut to the look and feel, and had taken on a definite shape. I could see a distinct circular crease where the tightening mass was forming a perfect mound, and my nipples were now topping a growing area of areola. I had also noticed that my need to shave was slowing dramatically. My stomach was thinning and when I saw myself in the mirror, I could see signs of my hips becoming more pronounced as Stan had told me would happen. Even my ass had begun to jiggle a little.

Then the fight began! My wife tried putting makeup on me and I threw a fit. That was way over the line to me and I went on a tirade telling her how there was no way in the world I was going to put up with that, and I think it was when I told her that I didn’t even like her using makeup that she backed down a little. For a compromise, I promised that I would let her do a little stuff to me when no one was around to see it, and seeing it as a fissure in my arguments, she accepted it.

We were sitting at the table with Lisa pouring drinks for three and talking about how we both wanted good news after the stitches were removed. Lisa was back to her flirtatious, school girl self as she began bugging me about what I planned to do with the doctor and how far I would let him get with me. I found it very effeminizing, yet after enough of it, I sort of fell into the lighter mood she was eliciting. Seeing that she wasn’t going to end her speculations, I finally jumped in and fell into the role I knew she wanted to see.

“Okay, okay… I guess… I guess I’ll have to pay him for coming over to do this… at least.”

“Are you going to let him kiss you again?”

I genuinely blushed and thought best to put it as, “I guess that would be up to him.”

Leaning in as if to tell me a secret, “What if he wants to, you know… get a piece of ass?”

“No way…” I barked, but after seeing her excited glare fading, I just had to say something to bring back her joy. “A good girl doesn’t give it up this quick.”

Lisa giggled and I loved seeing her revert to her gleeful self again. That was really the one thing I had hoped all along not to lose during all this. It was my inspiration whenever I balked at what she was doing to me. The one thing out of all this was that I never failed to lose my love for was the way she could entice me with that sunshine smile of hers. Her laughing and giggling was like an aphrodisiac for me. Even the night she had cut away my balls for her trophy, her smirk and knowing grin had somehow appeased me enough not to want to kill her.

I wanted to die though when she asked me about which guy I would rather have fuck me; Frank or Stan? I blurted out the doctor’s name so fast that I knew she was going to seize on it to poke more fun at me. I finally pointed out that from what I had seen of Stan that I trusted him doing that to me over how I knew Frank had done it those two times. It had felt like I was getting raped both times, and actually, it had been. Yeah, I could have fought it more, but in the end I would have lost both times anyways.

Lisa sprung to her feet when we heard a knock at the door. She stood in front of me as I also got to me feet, looked me over as a final inspection, hoisted my boobs so as to position them, and gave me a peck on the cheek. “Good luck sweetie! Hope you and the doctor have a good time. Be a good girl now… Danielle.”

My new name echoed in my ears. I knew she was just having fun with me, but it still was a little hard to hear it used.

I heard the two of them greeting each other in the other room as I cowered in my state of dress in the kitchen. Maybe my body was changing fast, but my mind was taking its sweet time. I couldn’t exactly hear what my wife was telling the doctor, but I knew its intent would be for Stan to take whatever liberties with me he might choose. That didn’t worry me so much since he had proven himself to be a nice guy – even when it came to the most humiliating situations.

“Danielle, come in here. The doc wants to see how you’re coming along.”

I slowly walked over to near where they were standing and I noticed two things right off: the doctor’s eyes were checking me out in a very sexual gaze, and that meant that the clothes Lisa had picked for me to wear were eliciting the exact response she had hoped for and her grin told me she had noticed the same reaction. The next few minutes was a trial in enduring Lisa’s jibs and jabs at my, well what I would have once referred to as my manhood. The thing that really bothered me was when she turned the topic towards my impending femininity. She asked Stan’s opinion over how he thought she should help me transition into Danielle more easily. That prompted many questions from Stan over what the final expectations were, which engaged me in their conversation very quickly. I pointed out how I would accept nothing less than a dual acceptance in my appearance after Lisa told him she was looking for an androgynous look for me.

Stan asked me, “Then you want to be believable as a man in public and a woman in private?” He turned to Lisa and said, “But you’d rather have him pass all the time as a ze?”

We both looked dumbfounded by the term ze and Stan told us how it was the new term used in place of he or she. I also voiced my opinion on how I hadn’t cared for his comment of passing as a male in public.

My life playfully scolded me, “Now Danny, give it up. You know as well as I do that you’re even having a hard time blatantly referring to yourself as a man. Don’t jump on the doctor while he’s trying to help us. You do want to know his thoughts, don’t you?”

I nodded my head and replied, “I’m sorry, but this isn’t the easiest thing in the world to deal with.”

Stan assured me that he didn’t mind my comment and that he totally understood where I was coming from. He went on to tell us some things that we both considered enlightening. Lisa liked finding out about gaffs; panties designed to help hide my penis when dressed as I was at the moment. I was more interested in the term ‘gender dysphoria’ which meant how I was having trouble understanding my own sexual placement. I still saw myself as male, yet I didn’t feel like I could really prove that any more.

But it was among the host of options the doctor gave Lisa for her to totally transform me for private life that did something to both of us. I was glad to hear her reject a penectomy immediately, as long as I required no further control measures, but then he talked about a neoclitoris. That’s using the tip of the penis to form a clitoris, thus allowing for sexual sensations as a trangendered male. I guess Lisa was feeling the same thing I was, just from her own clit. Though learning that such an operation existed was interesting fodder, it went hand in hand with a penectomy and thus was also not in the picture.

I had to talk about that and asked, “That’s weird, because now I sort of have that feeling. Remember how I told you last time that I had those new feelings on either side of my incision and at the very tip of my prick?”

Lisa seemed to be transfixed and amused by my describing what I felt down there and how it differed from before my castration. She even began rubbing her crotch a little, but somehow I figured that to be more of an invitation for the doctor. After a couple of drinks and an hour of talking about my future, Stan finally asked about getting started on removing my stitches. I was all for that since I had felt a weird pinching feeling several times as my body reacted to the sex talk. Lisa asked if she could watch, and at first I was the one that balked, but I finally relented when I saw how great her anticipation had grown. We headed into the bedroom and then I remembered how the last exam had led to sex, and suddenly I really didn’t want Lisa there. After all, I knew both Stan and my wife were assuming I would be paying some fee for his house call. With Frank, I had wanted her around for some measure of protection, but as I remembered how I had taken the lead last time in many aspects, I began getting shy. I knew now that there were cameras that were most definitely focused on me sitting on the bed, but I never would have had the courage to engage Stan the last time if she had been there.

Stan suggested I remove my panties and lift my skirt as before, but Lisa demanded that the doctor give me a full physical and had me strip down. I stood up, turned away from the doctor for some measure of modesty, and started taking off the skirt first. As I bent over to push it down, I felt the effect of gravity on my boobs. It caused my nipples to rub against the fabric of my shirt, and combined with stripping down to my humiliation of confused sexual identity in front of two people caused them to get very hard. When I stood up I saw that Lisa noticed them and was very thankful that she kept her comments to herself and just smirked. I hooked my thumbs in the waistband of the cotton panties and pushed them towards the floor, too.

I turned around to sit on the bed again, but Lisa wanted my ‘top’ off as well. I still hated her referring to them as tops because it seemed so effeminate to me. I grabbed the bottom of the peasant shirt and lifted it over my head, and that was when I saw Stan’s face ogling my new chest. For some reason I rubbed my hands over my boobs in a milking motion that ended with pinching my nipples. I guess I thought that would make their erect appearance hide away, but found it had just the opposite effect. However, when it seemed to cause a stir in Stan’s demeanor, I realized I had sort of just had my first experience at turning a man on by the very site of me interacting with my own chest with nothing more than a quick touch. I could actually feel my nipples twinge as I saw a new kind of power emanate from them. Maybe there was an up side to what Lisa was doing to me. As I sat down on the bed, I realized the one flaw in that new power; it only worked on enticing men. Totally confused, I felt Lisa’s hands pulling me into a lying position and then she ran her hands over my tits.

“What do you think, doc? These looking better? Go ahead, cop a feel and give us your input.”

Stan had just pulled the chair next to our bureau between my legs to begin his job, sat down, and asked me if I minded. I shook my head like a doubtful girl might and his hands ran up my stomach until they covered my chest. He moved them around in a couple small circles and twisted at my nipples. He couldn’t have known what he was doing to me. The tingling sensations I had talked about earlier sprang to life. I looked down quickly and even though I was sure I would have a boner, I was so pleased that I had remained flaccid. Unfortunately, nowadays flaccid meant being a whole lot smaller than I used to get. For just a moment I tightened the muscles down there to see if it would grow just a little but the only reaction I got was a more pronounced tingling in the tip of my cock. Thankfully the doctor leaned back and reached over for his bag to get out his instruments.

Whatever had just overcome my body, it left me studying the man’s face in front of me. I noticed his facial growth that reflected the time of day. He had the kind of face I had always seen as trustworthy and his eyes had started to light up much as my wife’s would when…

I caught myself and suddenly felt more gay then any other time. I had been taking stock of another man. And even worse, it had caused that tingling to continue.

With his instruments in hand, he moved my flaccid prick up, but it wouldn’t stay out of his way. Lisa jumped forward on the bed and offered to hold it out of the way for him. He examined his handiwork first and slid his fingertips over the incision, and told us how he expected the scar to disappear in a couple of months. As the doctor went on to pull out one suture to cut it, Lisa took her free hand and began rubbing my chest. It had the affect of making my body hop around a little and they both found that amusing. When half the sutures were out, Lisa began with some very embarrassing, yet informative questions.

“Will his cock be able to get hard in the future? I was under the impression that it would, but look at it. I’m holding it and he’s exposed like this, but damn, look at it?”

Stan chuckled a little and reminded her that I had “dual citizenship” now and that meant it would react to the situation more than the stimulation. I was having a hard time understanding what he meant, so I was glad to hear Lisa ask him to explain further.

“Well… he has two states of mind. When he’s feeling like a man, he’ll be able to get just as hard as ever. But when he feels more like being Danielle, it’ll probably stay like this. You see, when he turns into Danielle in his mind, he’ll become more… receptive to… being on the receiving end of things instead of having to perform as he’s been used to thinking for twenty-four years.”

Lisa asked, “Will he feel anything in this condition?”

“From what I’ve read, he’ll have pretty much the same feelings as you might get when interacting sexually with a partner. I mean, look… his nipples are still hard implying that he’s in a heightened state of sexual arousal now, so I would guess…” and he looked at me, “you’re probably feeling a little something right now.”

He seemed genuinely sincere about what was going on with me, so I told him the truth.

“Yeah, I guess it’s just your hands messing around down there. My prick is buzzing… sort of, you know at the tip, and I feel a fullness on either side of the incision.”

Stan replied, “You see, he still has a state of sexual awareness; it’s just in tandem with what frame of mind he’s receiving the stimulation in – male or female.”

Lisa responded with, “So if I started sucking him off right now, it should get hard for me?”

Stan chuckled again. “Well, you certainly can’t… get him off like you use to, but it sort of depends on how he sees you. There’s a chance that even if you did that, that his mind might very well see your interaction as a lesbian thing. Then it would depend on whether he saw himself as the recipient or giver in that kind of relationship. You’re going to have your own learning curve to see just what it takes to stimulate him according to what you want from him.”

“And there’s the last one.” Stan opened a swab cloth, cleaned off the incision and inspected me up close one last time. He ran the palm of his hand over me which sent a shiver up my spine, and then Lisa took a feel of me. They seemed equal in their amazement over how flat things had turned out and I even took a turn feeling what was left of me. The doctor asked, “What do you think? Do you like the outcome?”

I felt myself where my balls had once hung and said, “Yeah, it’s pretty smooth.”

Lisa took that comment another way and perked up into a school girl again as she proclaimed, “See, I knew you wouldn’t miss those things!”

“That’s not what I meant. He just did a good job of finishing off what you started.”

We went back and forth as the doctor put his stuff away, and when he sat back in his chair, Lisa shook my right boob as if fluffing my hair. “I guess it’s time to pay the good doctor for all his great work, and I think he deserves a really big tip. Don’t you?”

I was shocked over her brass statement, but when I sheepishly looked down at Stan, then glanced at his crotch, I saw he was up for exactly that. I sat up on the edge of the bed and being embarrassed over Lisa sitting right behind me, I asked, “What do you want?”

I felt a playful slap to my ass and Lisa piped in, “You know silly… go ahead.”

Suddenly I was beyond shy and was very thankful when my wife told Stan it was his place as the man to make the first move… and then added and “decide what he wanted”.

I was somewhat afraid of what she was implying, but was happy to see the doctor’s hand held out to help me stand. I took his offer and as I stood I realized how effeminate of an action I had just committed. I heard the bed ruffling around as Lisa was making herself comfortable to watch whatever was about to happen. I kept seeing Stan look past me and saw he also had a healthy interest over my wife. A sick pang of jealousy came to me in that he was pulling me close to his body, yet looking at Lisa. That began to change however as his hands began exploring my body. They roamed everywhere and when he got my mind involved, I reached between us and began manipulating his cock through his pants.

When Stan’s hands ran down to my ass, I lost it and leaned my head against his chest. One of his hands ran around to my front and I felt his fingers feeling my new void. I caught myself moaning a little too loud as he rubbed me there, and I found my bottom pushing into his hand. There was something about how he intentionally sidestepped touching my still flaccid cock as he massaged the remnants of the skin of my scrotum that put me into the very mindset Lisa would have gloated over. I began undoing Stan’s pants and just knew that Lisa had bared herself enough to masturbate over the show before her. In some ways, the thought of that made me feel good. Even before pushing his pants down, I slipped my hand in to feel how hard he was for me. I was beginning to understand how that was the measure of how enthused a guy projected his lust for what was before him. His cock was very wet at the tip and I lost it.

I slid down the front of him and took the head of his cock into my mouth as I worked his pants and briefs to the floor along with my knees. All I could hear were the moans of three people thoroughly enjoying sharing one act. When Stan rested his hands on the back of my head I felt relieved to know he was appreciative of what I was doing. I abandoned my apprehension over Lisa watching and went at his cock just as erotically as I ever had to her pussy. I came to the realization right then that if I hadn’t developed a full blown desire to suck cock; I had at least for this particular man.

Lisa breathlessly told Stan, “You know, Danny isn’t exactly a virgin, but… if you want… I bet she wouldn’t mind… you taking her for a spin.”

I was shocked by her blatant comment, and even though I had wondered what he would be like, I was glad to hear him refuse.

“That’s not a very good idea. She has to heal a bit longer so nothing gets injured. Anyways, I’ve never really… done anything like that myself: at least, not with a guy.”

“Come on doc, you want to hurt her feelings. Danny’s not a guy anymore… not while he’s sucking your cock like a starving whore anyways.”

Stan replied to that with, “Well, maybe… I have to admit, the idea of it is becoming… a little intriguing. Maybe I could come back next weekend.” He looked down at me as he pulled away from my lips ever so slightly so I wouldn’t lose my grip on him and asked, “Would you mind that?”

Looking up at his glistening eyes over my attachment to his cock, something came over me and I shook my head to give him my okay. Admitting that I wouldn’t mind him fucking me caused me to remember our earlier discussion about my state of mind. I realized my prick was flopping around in front of me as limp as all hell, while my nipples ached from their hardness, and I fell totally into a female role in my head for the first time. I replaced my mouth with my hand and began bathing his testicles while jerking his cock to keep him moving forward. I knew exactly what I was doing. I was relishing this man’s balls as his stature over me. He had the manhood I once held and now I had an entirely new perception over how valuable they were to any man. I sucked each one into my mouth at a time and rolled them around to gather every tiny nuance of their feel and size. I switched to lap at the underside of his scrotum and saw his balls lift up as it tightened around them. Never in my wildest dreams or nightmares would I ever have thought I would be doing this to a man, and of my own volition at that. I was mesmerized over what I was doing and thinking, but when I tightened my own muscles where my balls had hung last week, I got a rush of erotic desire that forced me to shudder.

Dan had become lost over the feelings and sensations that his counter feminine ego Danielle, was experiencing. When my eyes opened, I felt Lisa next to me and when I looked, I saw her face was smug from her power over me. She rubbed a hand through my hair and with her other hand joined mine on Stan’s cock as she beckoned the truth from me.

“I want to hear it, Danielle, tell me the truth. I can see it in your face. The way you’re going after this guys’ balls… that dreamy look on your face.”

My eyes opened wider as my mouth allowed the testicle I had just salivated over drop from it. I wasn’t sure what she was asking or what she wanted to hear.

“I’ve never seen this kind of passion from you in the seven years I’ve known you. You’re glad now, aren’t you? I want to hear it come from you.”

I now had a hint as to what she was talking about, but I didn’t trust any words that might come from my mouth. I went back to bathing this man’s balls and lavishing them as the ones I knew had a new home on the mantel as my wife’s trophy. Lisa came right out and asked me.

“You’re glad I took them now, aren’t you?” She came closer to my face and reworded her question so as to give her question more meaning. “You gave me your balls, and now you’re glad I took them from you, right?”

I gulped hard as I pulled back slightly, looked up at Stan, and then with the feeling like my chest would burst if I lied; I nodded my head as it turned to face my wife. Quietly I answered, “Yes.”

“I knew it! Even that night I knew it. You wanted me to take them since that first trial run. You wanted to see them get sliced right off. Tell me… tell me the truth.”

I gulped hard again, but she was right on some level. Maybe I didn’t know it then, but as I took stock of my life and what I had just been doing and felt about it, it was time to state the obvious. “I’m glad! …I’m happy that you did that to me. I never… I never would have…” I went back to suckling away at Stan’s balls as his hands went back to my head to guide me. I heard my wife giggling over having gotten me to say that after all she had put me through. “I turned back to her momentarily to add, “I love you!”

I’m not sure where my words came from or why I allowed her to get me to say them aloud, but I felt closer to her than ever. My last words hadn’t come easy, but I meant them more than any other time I had uttered them. I was happy now, but that happiness encompassed far more than just this moment between this man’s legs. I had come to the point where I now felt like I was… I’m not sure… her property? Despite everything she had done to me and been training me to do, I was now glad that she was the winner. I couldn’t even reason why; I just felt safe and cared for in a way I had never known.

I guess Stan had been just as enthused to hear our back and forth because his cock was throbbing. I felt him tugging me upward with a hand on either side of my head and understood that he wanted me to finish him off. I took his cock back into my mouth and saw his urgency to get off. I guess hearing my confession was enough to bring him to the brink because in just a minute he was poking away at me much deeper than he had bee. I went wild going down on his cock until I would gag, back away to collect myself, and then worked to get as much of him into my mouth again. Lisa was rubbing my back and would run a hand around to take a grab at one of my boobs. When we both saw he was getting ready to cum, she whispered in my ear, “Show him what you’ll do for him. Show him how far you’ll go to please him. Men like that – they like to know you’ll let them disgrace you.”

I didn’t really know what she meant, but when Stan muttered that he was cumming, my wife pulled my head back from his cock with a hand holding either side of my mouth open and whispered, “Open wide Danny.”

I did as she told me and the doctor took over fisting his cock. I held my mouth open as I watched him struggling to hold back as long as possible, and then I saw that first rope of cum fly out of his cock and directly into my mouth. His groans sounded like an awesome appreciation for my efforts and when he saw me holding still for him, he worked as hard as he could to make sure I got as much of his cum as possible. Still, some splattering flew onto my cheek and nose. I thought about how I now understood what Lisa meant about how men liked to disgrace their counterparts as I thought about how I had to look. He wiped the head of his cock off on my lips and rubbed the fingers he had been holding my head in place with through my hair.

There I was with a mouthful of sperm and I turned to look at my wife not knowing what I should do, and as if she knew my confusion, she whispered, “Let him know how much you appreciate him.”

I looked back up at Stan and closed my mouth. I tried smiling for him as I swallowed hard once, and then several more times until I was sure I had gotten all of it. Lisa went nuts and acted as my cheerleader telling me how well I had performed. She went back and forth between me and Stan telling us how hot it had all been to watch. I took a hold of his cock again as she went on with her mocking the event and licked the final drops from his cock to leave him clean, then managed to get back to my feet. As I stood up, I became acutely aware of the emptiness between my legs and compared myself to the fullness that the doctor still had, and shuddered once more. I didn’t know exactly what those shudders meant at the time, but I would come to realize it was some new form of climaxing for me. They were uncontrolled and came at odd times as far as I was concerned, but they did seem to put an end… a period to different tasks.

Lisa was already standing and seeing the awkwardness between us, she excused herself to get us more drinks. I felt really out of place just standing there in front of Stan, not knowing what to do, but luckily he took the lead and pulled me to him. His hands began roaming my body again and one hand lifted my face towards his by my jaw. I saw what he was about to do and was frozen in place. He started kissing me on the lips again and for only the second time I found myself kissing a man. It still felt very weird and out of place, but in other ways, very nice. He made out with me for several minutes and only broke away when Lisa came back into the room.

“Oh, get a room you two.” She handed us our drinks and I sheepishly turned away. After all she had just witnessed and what I had admitted to her, I was embarrassed to be caught involved that intimately with a man in front of her. I didn’t get it myself; sucking his cock and even swallowing his cum hadn’t been that hard, but kissing him was like the last vestige of my manhood being stolen away; one more time.

The next half hour was a mix of my wife’s gloating over what she had accomplished in altering my way of thinking, her wish list of what might lay ahead of me; and me trying to explain all the weird feelings I had experienced as she had watched.

I was sitting on the bed still fully nude at Lisa’s request, Stan only had his shirt on, and Lisa was the only one still in her clothes. She pointed that out and lifted her shirt up over her head and I saw the doctor react in such a way that I knew they had never gotten together. I had sort of thought she had used sex to get him involved in my castration, but clearly I was wrong. When Lisa saw Stan react positively to her stripping off her top, she asked, “You like girls, too, don’t you?”

He replied that he most definitely did, but looked my way as if to gain my permission to go after my wife. One look between his legs and I knew just how much he wanted to be with her.

“It’s okay, go ahead.” I did love my wife and had already thought many times how I would no longer be able to please her as a real man, and that meant coming to terms with her needing someone to fill the very void she was responsible for creating. She was caring for my needs now and I it seemed like my place to take care of hers, the best I could; even if that meant letting other men fuck her from time to time. I saw Stan was still hesitating to approach her and my wife was staying uncharacteristically quiet, so I went on to say, “Really, it’s okay. Look at her, she’s so fucking horny.”

I watched as the man I had just essentially made love to climb over my wife and began rubbing those marvelous tits of hers. I watched them making love for a few minutes as the rest of my wife’s clothes came off along with Stan’s shirt. Just as I saw my wife’s legs wrapping around Stan’s ass as he was clearly entering her, I turned and left them alone. I guess I could have stayed, but I sort of guessed that my wife would enjoy her fuck better without me looking on. It was at least fifteen minutes before they came out to the kitchen to join me. I found it odd that they were dressed and seemingly not even very close. I wondered if something bad had happened, but they were very cordial to each other. The doctor touched my shoulder to say goodbye to me and after he left I asked about why they seemed to have been disconnected when they came out of the bedroom.

Lisa searched for her words and finally told me that he was just a badly needed fuck. Then as if she was almost afraid to say it, she added, “Besides, I see how you look and act with him. You may still hate me for castrating you, but I really do love you and I want you to be happy. It may have started out with me teasing you about getting him as your boyfriend, but when I saw how you went at him, I don’t want to get in the way.”

I tried countering her thought that I wanted him or any man as a boyfriend, but she went on to tell me what she saw from her eyes and specifically mentioned my obvious fondness for his balls. I appeared to be losing my argument, so I kept my mouth shut until the topic changed. A few minutes later, she grabbed my hand and began tugging me towards the bedroom. When I asked what she was doing, she said, “Well, duh, you know what we did. You forget your place? I think the good doctor left you a tip for your services.”

I knew what she meant and was almost happy to follow her. However, as she began stripping down again, she left it up to me as to how I would collect that tip; with her on her back or on my face. I chose my face, and she knew that meant that I did actually want to do this. As she took her place over me, she said one last thing that I would spend the next three days thinking about in every way conceivable way.

“And you’d better believe me when I say you owe me one hell of a good time to prove to me that you’re really happy that I have your balls on our mantel. In the next couple of weeks, I’m going to collect on that debt.”

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