Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Friends -- Smita

   "I do expect you to hand in your assignments during the next class.  No
delays will be permitted."

   I looked at the faces and I knew that more than half of them had not
even started work on the assignments yet.  That meant that my next class
would have a lot of sleep deprived zombies.  I gave a mental shrug,
gathered my notes and purse and walked out of the class.  Serves them right
for putting it off for so long.

   I made my way back up the stairs towards my office, but then noticed
that Nikhil's door was partially open.  I knocked and peeked in.  He was
focused on his computer.

   "Busy?" I asked.

   He tore his gaze from the screen, looked up and flashed me a smile.

   "Oh...  hey, Prachi.  Come on in."

   I dropped my things on his desk and dropped myself into an arm chair.

   "God...  I am tired."

   "Lecture didn't go well?"

   "Does it ever go well?  I think most of them are lost."

   He laughed.

   "They are busy eyeing you!"

   I rolled my eyes at him.

   "Close the door, will you?" he said.  "You know how these kids are.  If
they see you lounging around in my office like this, they will think we are
having an affair.  I believe there are already some rumours floating
around."

   "Rumours like that would be around anyway.  How else can they get back
at us?  Don't you remember what you were like as a student?  Anyway, won't
it feed the rumour mill even more if we do close the door?"

   "No, because then they can't see that you are just hanging around in
here.  If they just hear your voice from behind the closed door, it might
even seem like we are working on something."

   That did made some sense.  The sight of me just lying around in the
armchair was enough to get tongues wagging in this stupid department. 
Without getting up, I reached out with a leg and gave the door a push,
slamming it shut.

   "I wish people would mind their own business," I said.  "Why can't they
believe that a man and a woman are just friends?"

   He grunted and continued to focus on the screen.  I knew I was
disturbing him but I needed some entertainment to relax a little after my
lecture.

   "I want some coffee," I said, looking at the coffee maker by the window.


   "Help yourself," he said brusquely.  I pouted.

   "Some friend you are."

   I poured myself a cup and turned around to see what he was working on.

   "Typing up your paper?  Anywhere close to done?" "I wish...  take a look
if you like."

   I leaned over and scrolled through it, giving it a rather cursory look.
My brain was too tired to come up with any meaningful feedback so I was
really just being polite.  That was when I noticed a web browser tab which
I clicked.  Immediately the screen was filled with the picture of a girl's
private parts.  I gasped in mock surprise.

   "Prof.  Nagarkar!  If only the students knew!" Nikhil took the mouse
back from me and gave me a sheepish look.  "I get bored with the typing.  I
need a break sometimes."

   "What you need is a new wife," I said, as I dropped back into the
armchair.

   "Yes, I do.  But I think I should wait a bit.  Not right away after the
divorce."

   "How long do you want to wait?"

   "A few months..."

   "So for a few months you are going to focus on porn instead of a real
woman?  That's just pathetic.  Get a life!"

   Even as I said it, I knew I shouldn't have.  It was just stupid to
remind him of his loneliness.  I saw the expression on his face change.

   "Nikhil, honey...  I didn't mean..."

   "It's fine," he said, not meeting my gaze.  "I know it is pathetic, but
I am not ashamed of my physical needs."

   "You shouldn't be."

   I walked back up to him and squeeze his shoulder.  He looked up at me
and accepted my unspoken apology.  But clearly, he was upset not with me
but with his own life.

   "She really is quite pretty," I said, looking at the girl on the screen
again.  "I mean, at least she is pretty down there.  I am sure her face
must be lovely too."

   That broke the tension.  He laughed and washed away my guilt.

   *****

   Nikhil and I had been friends since college.  He had been my roommate's
boyfriend.  That was until she got drawn away to another guy and dropped
him rather unceremoniously.  At that time he needed a shoulder to cry on
and we had spent enough time together for me want to give him one,
particularly since I thought that my roommate had treated him rather
terribly.

   From then onward, our friendship began to blossom.  A little later I
went through a breakup of my own and I cried on his shoulder.  Unlike most
guys, he did not try to move in on me which made me realize that I had
found a real friend.  That we both studied physics made things even better.


   Even after I recovered from my heartbreak, neither of us wanted to turn
our friendship into something else.  We did not talk about it for quite
some time, but somehow we instinctively knew that we were better as off as
friends.  Our friends used to tease us saying that we were in denial, but
we knew better.  Eventually we even talked about it openly - partly because
of the way we were teased, but more so because I wanted to make sure that I
was not indirectly rejecting him by classifying him as "just a friend". 
But he was frank about it and told me that for some reason he simply did
not want to change what was working so wonderfully.

   Both of us got jobs at the university and we became even better friends
as we began to collaborate on our research.  Eventually, we both got found
our mates and got married.  My marriage has turned out really well.  His
did not.  I married Rohan and a couple of years later, our beautiful baby
girl Shruti was born.  Nikhil on the other hand, ended up with a painful
divorce.

   *****

   When I dropped in on him again, he was once again focused on his
computer screen.

   "What is it this time?" I asked.

   "Physics or naked girls?"

   He laughed and waved me in.

   "Come in and shut the damned door before you say things like that, you
stupid woman!  Have you no sense of shame?"

   "Hey, I am not the one looking at porn while at work!"

   I walked partially around the desk to peer at his screen and winked at
him.

   "Careful," he said.  "You might see things that are not meant for your
delicate, feminine eyes.  Coffee?"

   "No, thanks.  I just wanted to apologize for yesterday."

   "I did say it was fine.  I know you well enough to understand that you
meant nothing by it.  Maybe the look on my face was...  I overreacted. 
After all...  well...  this sucks."

   "I know," I said, patting his hand.  "But I should not have called you
pathetic.  Because it is not pathetic.  You need sex.  That is human.  It
is unfortunate that social norms sometimes require you to be ashamed of
that.  But you shouldn't have to be ashamed with your best friend, even if
she is a woman.  So, I am sorry."

   "I think you are suffering from your guilt more than I suffered from
your words."

   I shrugged.

   "I know a way you can fix that," he said with a grin.

   "Uh-oh..."

   "Watch some porn with me."

   "Yeah, right!"

   "Well, you want me to not feel ashamed about my sexuality.  So watch
something with me!  Unless you didn't really mean what you said."

   I sighed, got up and walked around the desk.  I leaned against the
window sill behind him and gave him a wink.

   "Start the show.  Nothing too filthy please."

   "Sorry, all porn is filthy.  Can't be helped."

   I wondered if I had bitten off more than I could chew.  And so we
watched something.  A ten minute video of a man and a woman fucking
furiously.  It might have turned me on if I had really paid attention to
it. But I was suddenly realizing that I was not ready for this.  I felt
very awkward.  In the many years of our friendship, we had talked about sex
quite openly.  We had discussed everything from his taste in women and
their behinds to my preferences regarding being eaten out.  But never had
we watched porn together.

   "Aren't we a sight?" I said, as act on the screen came to its usual
conclusion.  "Two university professors - a man and a woman, watching porn
at work."

   He grinned at me.

   "Did you like it?"

   "Well, I wasn't really moved by it, but I hope you feel better now."

   "Come on, you didn't like it at all?"

   "Okay, since we are being so open and honest, perhaps I should be frank
about it.  It felt weird watching it with you.  But that's only because we
have never done this before.  Fair enough?"

   "Fair enough," he admitted.  "You are a good sport."

   "Thanks.  I do have the right to be weirded out by it though.  Most
women would take this as sexual harassment, wouldn't they?  Or perhaps just
an awkward pass from a perverted man."

   He gasped in mock indignation.

   "In all these years, have I ever made a pass at you?" "

   No.  Though...  hmm...  perhaps I should be offended by that."

   We both laughed.

   "Okay, again...  since we are being frank, can I ask you something?"

   He shrugged.

   "Do you ever feel it was a mistake?  Us not getting together?"

   He gave me a curious look.

   "No, I don't.  That is a strange question.  Why do you ask?"

   I shrugged.

   "Nothing...  I just wondered.  I don't know why I didn't feel like
taking things forward, but I just wondered if you did."

   "I know why.  It is exactly what I said then - we have a great
friendship and I did not want to change that."

   "That was it?"

   He looked at me carefully for a few seconds and then began to chuckle.

   "You are hurt that I wasn't interested in you.  That I did not find you
attractive enough."

   I blinked at him.  Then, I slowly broke into a sheepish grin as I
wondered if he was right.

   "That is...  I had not thought of that.  You may be right.  Perhaps you
should be into psychology instead of physics."

   "Of course, I am right.  You need attention, at least some part of you
does.  You know, when you complain about how your students are staring at
your boobs...  part of you is actually happy with the attention.  Of
course, only someone who knows you as well as me could see that."

   "Damn you!"

   "Yes, must hurt right?  After being ogled by almost every guy you have
known...  here's a guy who has known you for years and didn't make a pass
at you."

   "Hmmph..."

   "Well, let me put your mind at rest.  I think you are very, very sexy.
But you are also the best friend I have ever had.  And so when I see you, I
see my friend before I see your beautiful body."

   I smiled at him.

   "Thanks, Nikhil.  That's sweet of you.  I..."

   "Of course, that does not mean that I don't see your beautiful body.  I
do...  you are way too sexy.  I am glad I can say that out in the open now.
I am not sure why I didn't say it before."

   I laughed.

   "I think we have opened up enough for today, Nikhil."

   "Hey, don't feel awkward.  Friends should be open with each other.  I am
glad to finally say it aloud - that I find you very sexy."

   "Umm...thanks."

   "You really do have wonderful tits, you know.  It is not for nothing
that the students stare at them."

   "Okay..." "And you do keep yourself so very fit."

   "Thanks."

   "And your ass...  I love watching it.  That's why I love it when you
wear jeans to work rather than a sari."

   "Umm...  that's enough."

   "Of course, when you wear a sari, I love looking at your bare midriff."

   "Stop it, you idiot!"

   "I wish you would come to work naked.  I will walk behind you all day
watching that beautiful..."

   I got up and ran from the room as he burst out laughing.

   *****

   A text message on my phone at 11:37 pm that night: "I thought about you
when I wanked off just now.  Just being open about it."

   My reply: "If you send me a message like that again, I WILL KILL YOU.

   *****

   The next day I was having tea in the cafeteria when Nikhil plopped down
in front of me.  From the look on his face I could see that he was not done
having fun yet.  I kept a blank face and stared at the table.

   "The message was a bit too much?" he asked.

   "Idiot."

   "Come on."

   "Listen, you can monkey around as much as you like when you are with me.
I can take a joke.  But what if Rohan had seen the message.  You want to
ruin my marriage?"

   "Oops...  sorry, had not thought of that.  But he does not read your
messages, does he?"

   "No, he doesn't, but it is a risk, isn't it?  All for a stupid joke? 
There is such a thing as carrying a joke too far."

   " Sorry..." I continued giving him the silent treatment.

   "But it wasn't just a joke, you know.  I really did..."

   I gave him a weary look.

   "Thanks...  I guess."

   "Just being open."

   I sighed but said nothing.  He shut up for a bit too.

   "Prachi...  I am sorry, but listen.  I just really needed to let it
out."

   The tone in his voice made me realize that he was not joking any more.

   "I mean, I had to let out the fact that I was sexually frustrated, not
that I am obsessed with you or anything.  I am not.  I find you attractive,
but just as any normal man would.  But expressing my sexual thoughts was a
release for me...  I am sorry it was at your expense.  It was just a kind
of exhibitionism.  Maybe I am turning into a pathetic pervert from the lack
of sex.  But I will drop it if it bothers you so much."

   I sighed.

   "It's fine.  It doesn't bother me.  I may find it embarrassing if you
say something too obscene but I love you enough to not mind.  Just don't
message me on the phone like that.  He has been very understanding about
our friendship, let's not ruin that, okay?"

   He beamed at me.

   "Hey!  I might just like this...  being able to say anything I want to
you.  I think our friendship has changed for the better somehow.  You know,
you could be open with me too!  Even if what you say might hurt me."

   I considered this.

   "You know, that kind of openness is a two-edged sword.  It can hurt you
sometimes."

   He grinned.

   "I know.  So let me ask a question...  even though the answer might hurt
me."

   I raised my eyebrows at him.

   "Tell me," he said, "did you ever feel like having sex with me?"

   "No."

   "Ouch."

   "Sorry.  It is not that you aren't attractive.  I just did not feel
that."

   I got up and started walking back to my office.  He walked beside me
with a big grin on his face.  I knew he was enjoying my discomfort. 
Well... two can play at a game.

   "So, since now all the filters are off," I said.  "Let me tell you
something that might be 'too much information' for you." I paused for
dramatic effect.  "I didn't really think much of that video we saw
yesterday," I said.  "At least it did not affect me then because I was
feeling awkward about watching it with you.  But it did have an effect on
me later when I thought about it.  Poor Rohan had no idea what had gotten
into me suddenly.  But he did bang me silly."

   "Uhm...  good for you..."

   "Too much information?"

   "No, no!  I love this kind of information."

   "You are pathetic."

   "I know."

   "How was it for you, by the way?"

   "How was what?"

   "You sent me that text message about wanking off while thinking about
me. Was it a good load?"

   "Damn!  I am going to love the new you.  Oh...  yes, it was a good one.
Thanks for asking."

   *****

   Men never know when or where to stop.  That's one of the things I love
and hate about them.

   "Can I see your tits?"

   "No."

   "Okay, just thought I would ask."

   This was the conversation we had the next morning when we met in the
parking lot.  Anyone watching us would have thought that we were two
physicists talking about the mysteries of the universe.

   "Could you give me a handjob?"

   "No."

   *****

   The novelty of our new arrangement wore off over the next few days and
so the silliness began to die out.  So I was surprised when he started
again while we were sorting out some paperwork together.

   "Prachi, would you mind giving me a handjob?"

   "Oh, you disgusting man!  Give it a rest!"

   "I am not joking."

   I looked up at him and I saw no sign of humour.  That was a bit of a
surprise.  And suddenly I was angry.

   "Fuck you."

   "No, just a handjob."

   "I am not joking.  I am actually angry now."

   "Let me explain."

   At that moment I wondered if he had lost his mind a little.  For a
moment I also considered slapping him.  After all, if we were going to have
no filters regarding what we expressed to each other, I had the right to
express my anger too.  But I didn't.  I just went back to the paperwork.

   "Just get out, Nikhil.  I have work to do."

   "Let me say this, and I will leave."

   I put down my pen and began to listen - not because I was still keen on
honouring our arrangement about being "open", but because I wanted to get
this over with.

   "I am sexually frustrated right now," he said.

   "I don't care," I said in a flash.  But then I saw the hurt look in his
eyes and signalled for him to go on.

   "I mean, really, really frustrated," he continued.  "Masturbation just
makes me feel pathetic right now.  So I am asking you to give me a little
relief.  I do respect the boundaries of your marriage.  And yes, our
friendship too matters a lot more to me than any kind of sexual release. 
But I am not asking you for sexual intercourse, just a handjob.  I know
that is a sexual act.  But it will mean a lot to me if you give me a little
relief.  It will not just be physical relief for me.  It will also be
emotional relief.  I know I am just begging and that is pathetic.  But
since we have been more and more open with each other over the past few
days, I just thought I would ask.  If you refuse, I will live with that.  I
just hope you won't hold this against me."

   He could not look at my face as I said this.  I too could only stare at
his hands.  They were trembling.

   "I won't hold it against you, Nikhil.  We are friends."

   "Thanks."

   "Now, get out."

   *****

   He did not talk to me much over the next couple of days.  He did not
stop by at my office and I did not visit him either.  I had no problems
with that.  After all, there was bound to be some awkwardness over this. 
We had to face that and live through it.

   I did feel horrible about it though, not because of the situation he had
put me in but because I hated seeing him like this.  I had always known him
as a joyful person.  But then there was the divorce.  The pain of being
alienated from a woman he loved, the legal complications that came up and
the loneliness he experienced through it all - all of that seemed to have
taken something out of him.  What made it worse was that he was intelligent
enough to know how I would react to a proposition like that.  He had said
it anyway because it was his way of facing up to his desperation, his
pathetic situation.  My involvement in it all was just incidental. 
Eventually, I decided to go see him.

   "Hey, idiot!"

   He looked up at me and smiled with relief.

   "Hey, bitch!"

   That seemed like a bit too much to me.

   "Bitch?  I thought we agreed to be open with each other, not rude.  You
are an idiot so I was just being honest.  I, on the other hand, am not a
bitch."

   He raised his hands in surrender.

   "Agreed.  Sorry.  Do sit."

   I entered, closed the door and sat.  But as I had expected, the
conversation did not flow.

   "You are feeling hurt, aren't you?" I asked.  "Maybe I am a bitch..."

   "No, just disappointed," he said.  "I don't mean to say that I am
blaming you for refusing to do it.  And to tell the truth, I did not expect
you to do it either.  I just had to say it and get it out of the way.  But
of course, that does not keep me from feeling lousy."

   "You are being a wimp," I said.  "You need to learn to face life.  You
have had a bad couple of years.  Just accept that and make your peace with
it.  Then maybe you can find the courage to believe that tomorrow could be
different."

   "Wimp," he said with his head bowed.  "Thanks.  I needed that."

   "Just being honest.  Didn't you want that?"

   Neither of us had much to say after that.

   "You have a class to teach today, don't you?" I said, finally.  "When is
that?"

   "In a couple of hours."

   I got up.

   "Fine, get up.  Let's go."

   "Where?"

   "It takes twenty minutes to get to your house, doesn't it?  I can give
you a handjob and we can get back in time for you to prepare a little for
your class."

   He just stared at me.

   "I am not joking," I said.  "Let's go."

   He still did not get up.

   "Why?" he asked.

   "Because even though I do not like the idea of cheating on Rohan, I am
willing to bend the rules a little.  At least this will stop your moping. I
am quite serious.  Let's go."

   It took him a few seconds to find his voice.

   "We can do it right here."

   "I am not risking that.  If you want a handjob, we will go to your
apartment."

   He drove very fast.  I had to yell at him all the way to get him to slow
down a little.  I called him a lot of horrible things too, but there is not
much you can do to a man who has embraced shamelessness.  When we got to
his apartment, he pretty much ran into the bedroom and I followed him at my
own pace.

   "You do realize that this is just a handjob?" I said as I entered the
bedroom.  "We don't need a bed for this."

   "We do.  This is a big occasion.  I want to enjoy it properly.  I am
going to lie down in bed and really enjoy it."

   He stripped all the way.  I was seeing my best friend naked for the
first time.  Well, I have to admit that I was a bit surprised at how sexy
he was under his clothes.  He had clearly taken to working out quite a lot
after his divorce, no doubt to be in good shape to search for his next
mate. It was showing.  Very firm torso, muscular arms, a taut and very
appropriately shaped ass.  And of course, a wonderful erection.  About six
inches perhaps, but very fat.  Twitching and already leaking a bit.  Not
bad at all.  He was too excited to notice me admiring his body.

   His child-like excitement was making me laugh and was, at least
temporarily, helping me forget whatever guilt I was feeling.  After he was
done stripping, he lay down on the bed.  The look on his face reminded me
of the way my three year old niece had looked before she got onto an
airplane for the first time.

   "Could you open your blouse so that I can see your breasts while you do
it?" he asked.

   "Don't push your luck."

   "Sorry."

   I took a deep breath and grabbed his cock.  And then we both held our
breath.  I don't know what he was thinking then.  But for me, it sank in
that this was only the second adult cock that I had ever touched.  My first
boyfriend had not been able to open me up sexually since I was so against
premarital sex at that time.  Perhaps that is why he had left me.  Even
Rohan had to wait six months to convince me that sex before marriage was
not a bad thing, particularly when it was with someone you intended to
marry anyway.  And here I was...

   Perhaps I had drifted off into these thoughts for a little long and
Nikhil fidgeted a bit to bring me back to the present.  I looked at his
beautiful naked body and then it suddenly hit me.  I realized, to my shame,
that I was terribly excited.  I had been so amused by his excitement that I
had never realized when I too began to get wet.  My breath too had become
deep and laboured like his, but thankfully he was too blissed out to
notice.

   I peeled back his foreskin and allowed the precum to dribble down the
shaft, onto my fingers.  He was leaking so much of it that I knew this was
going to be a rather short affair.  Very gradually, I began to move my
hand, spreading the fluid along the shaft.  I began to enjoy the
experience. It was fascinating to see how different his cock was from
Rohan's.  Perhaps slightly shorter, but thicker.  The pattern of the veins
was different, the shape of the head was different, the skin felt
different, the smell was different.  I moved my hand up and caressed the
head.  He moaned desperately and I lightened my touch.  I knew he was
having trouble holding back since he had gotten himself so excited.

   "Take it easy," I whispered.

   To give him a little time to regain control, I let my hand drift down
and caressed his balls.  He obviously enjoyed that as well, but as I was
playing with them, his wildly twitching cock seemed to calm down a little.
Once it seemed that he had settled down a bit, I grabbed it again and began
to stroke.  I began with slow, even strokes, trying to match the tempo of
his breath.  I looked up at his face and saw that he was looking at me.  I
smiled at him and gestured to him to close his eyes.  He clearly did not
want to do that, but obeyed anyway.  I began to stroke him earnestly,
slowly but surely, picking up the tempo.  I could see him sinking deeper
and deeper into the sensations with every stroke and I realized to my
horror that I too was completely caught up in the act.

   Lust!  I was drowning in lust!  I tried to think of Rohan, but could not
hold on to the thought.  This beautiful piece of meat in my hand fascinated
me.  I could feel the orgasm building up within him and I coaxed it on at
what I felt was its natural pace.  And then at the exact instant when I
expected him too, he erupted.  He grunted loudly and his body arched up.  I
had the presence of mind to angle his cock a little away from me.  A long
white jet of cum flashed across the bed and landed on the other side, only
to be followed a split second later by another.  Then another spurt landed
on his arm.  And after that, it began to ooze out.  I am not sure exactly
when he stopped ejaculating though his cock twitched on and on and his body
continued to tremble for a long time after he had spent his fluids.

   I looked at his face.  Though he had enjoyed this, I could see a little
bit of disappointment.  He had come sooner than he had wanted to.

   "It's okay," I said.  "Keep your eyes closed for a bit." I massaged his
cum into his softening cock.  I knew that after an orgasm like that, there
was no way to stop it from going soft all the way, but I knew he would
enjoy the slimy massage.  A small part of me felt both surprised and proud
of me at having thought up something like that.  Slimy massage!  He moaned
a little to let me know that he approved.

   I kept that up for several minutes and he was hard again.  That should
not have surprised me but it did because it was not something I had
planned. I had kept playing simply because I could not let go.  My lust was
like a mist over my mind.  My hand was moving by itself, perfectly in tune
with his body.  I was burning with lust and guilt.  All that translated
into a somewhat more aggressive handjob for him and he came again - another
loud, long and sticky orgasm.

   He just lay there with his eyes closed, which was fortunate because I
was really struggling with myself.  As he enjoyed the afterglow of his
orgasm, I went into the bathroom to wash my hands and to compose myself.

   When I came back into the bedroom, he was sitting up, but I did not
really want to face him just then.  So I left the room and left him clean
and dress up.  I waited in the living room and calmed myself down as he got
ready again.

   He came out and gave me a sheepish grin.  I just wanted us to drive back
to the university in silence.  But he surprised me.  He drew me close and
threw his arms around me.  For a moment I thought he was going too far. 
But then I realize there was nothing sexual about this.  He kissed me on
the cheek.

   "Thanks, Prachi.  I know you had very conflicted feelings about this.  I
do hope you don't have them now.  You have no idea how much this meant to
me." I smiled and patted him on the cheek.

   "Let's go," I said.  "Time for you to teach."

   Conflicted feelings.

   *****

   I was not sure I would be able to behave normally around Nikhil for at
least a few days.  But to my surprise, he was very sensible and actually
cut down on the sexual banter.  And yet, he was like a new man.  He seemed
happier and even though he was not blurting out his innermost thoughts
every few minutes, he seemed to be enjoying a wonderful state of openness.

   I was not feeling that way myself.  I was not even being open with
myself, so being open with him was out of the question.  While I was being
confused though, I was able to admire the beauty of what he was
experiencing.  It was glorious.  He had spent several days being "open"
with me.  But now he was open within himself and, in some ways, did not
need me to stay that way.  And this wonderful state of being had come out
of the depths of his misery.  What I had done for him was merely a
catalyst, not the cause of his happiness.  It felt like a privilege to have
the front row seat to this transformation.

   I was so messed up that things were starting to go badly at home.  For a
couple of days, I could barely look Rohan in the eye.  When he began to
notice the lack of intimacy, he tried to initiate sex.  I could not handle
it and turned him down.  And that made me feel even worse.

   *****

   Then one night I had this wonderful dream.  I was naked on a beach. 
There was no sign of civilization nearby.  I was worried that someone might
see me.  I tried to cover my nakedness with my hands and tried to look for
my clothes.  But then I realized that there was no one to see me.  That
suddenly lifted a burden and I began to laugh.

   I laughed and began to run and skip down the beach.  Then I began to run
faster and faster, enjoying how the air felt against my naked skin, against
my nipples, between my legs, in my hair.

   I ran on and on.  I began to run faster and faster.  And as I picked up
speed, so did the wind.  The waves began to splash up against me and I
laughed as they first began to wet my feet and then began to crash higher
and higher up on my body.

   Nakedness.  The wind.  The sea.  The sun.  Running.  Laughter.

   I woke up happy.

   *****

   Over the next few days, my libido skyrocketed.  Rohan was, of course,
delighted.  But he was also surprised because I was being very unlike
myself.  That does not mean that I had been sexually unresponsive in the
past.  We had always had a good sex life, but I had always let him initiate
sex.  I had no qualms about making it known that I enjoyed and looked
forward to our bedroom romps, but I remained passive because it fit in with
my self-image.

   But now, that changed.  I wanted to tear down my self-image.  I wanted
to do things that surprised not just him, but also me.  I shamelessly began
to grab his crotch at the oddest of times when no one was looking.  And
when he gave me a surprised look, I would wink at him.  I came to bed naked
instead of waiting for him to undress me.

   While all that was surprising for him, what he liked the most was that
we were having sex every night.  One night I was too tired, and so it was
just a quickie that did not get me off.  But I did it and enjoyed it just
because it was so unlike me.

   He enjoyed all this without comment for a few days.  Then one night as
we lay together, with his cum dribbling out of my fulfilled pussy, he began
to gently kiss me out of my post-orgasmic stupor.

   "Prachi, what's going on?"

   "What do you mean?"

   "Well, I am not complaining, but what is all this sex about?  You have
never been like this."

   "You are not complaining.  So then why ask?"

   "Because I want to know."

   I turned on my side and put my arm around him.

   "I have just decided that I really like fucking."

   I felt his body stiffen in surprise at that.  I knew what surprised him
was that I had called it "fucking" instead of "making love".  I have never
been a prude when it came to language, but I had always insisted on
describing what I did with him as "making love".  But what I was doing was
not for love.  Maybe love was part of the reason, but not the only reason.
I did love him, but I was focusing a bit more on pleasure.  I was freeing
myself from the need to sublimate the act.  Sometimes I wanted to make
love. Sometimes I just wanted to fuck.  I was at peace with that.  I was
being open with myself.

   I looked up at his face and saw that he was not just surprised, but also
worried.  I kissed him.

   "Don't worry.  I am fine.  I am just learning to embrace life, I think.
You are enjoying this, aren't you?  Or do you not like the new me?"

   He laughed.

   "I love it.  I just wonder if it is a phase of some sort."

   "No, it isn't.  I may calm down a little after a few days, but we are
going to have a lot more sex from now on.  Get used to it."

   "Wonderful!"

   "You think you get it up again?"

   *****

   My metamorphosis continued through the rest of that week.  Not only did
my guilt-induced depression disappear, I felt genuinely happy.  It is not
that I had been unhappy with my life before, but somehow I felt as if I was
discovering what happiness was truly like for the first time.  I was
finding out what it was like to be genuinely at peace with myself.  Life
was flowing through me.

   By the time it was Sunday, I decided I was finally at peace with
everything and so it was time to confront Nikhil again.  So once both
Shruti and Rohan had been fed and planted in front of the TV, I decided to
go see him.  It was not that unusual for me to go to work for a few hours
on Sundays in case I was really caught up with either my research or with
grading.  So I did not have to give Rohan any kind of an explanation.

   On the way, I called up Nikhil to make sure he was at home.  When I told
him I wanted to meet him, I could tell by the way his voice changed that I
was finally ready to talk about "that day", but he did not say much apart
from telling me that he was at home.  He seemed relaxed when I got there.
He was dressed in a t-shirt and track pants and smiled brightly as I came
in.

   "Oh good, you are wearing jeans," he said.  "You wore a sari to work all
week, you know.  I was starting to miss your ass."

   He winked.  This was the first time he had said something sexual to me
in quite a few days.  I just gave him a sheepish look.

   "Just trying to lighten the mood, you know," he said.  "I know what you
want to talk about."

   I dropped into an armchair chair without a word.

   "Tea, coffee?" he asked.

   "No.  Just want to talk.  Sit."

   "Listen, I am glad you finally decided to talk about it.  I am really
sorry if that was too much for you to handle."

   "Well..."

   "I was wrong to put you through that perhaps.  But you can see how much
it affected me.  I feel so much lighter now, so much better geared towards
the future.  I wish it had not been at your expense.  So if you want me to
cut down on all this sexual chatter, I can do that."

   "No, it's fine, Nikhil.  Just shut up and let me talk."

   "Fine." He finally sat down on the couch to listen.

   "You are right," I said.  "I was not able to handle what we did that
day. I grew up thinking of sex as the culmination of romance.  Yes, I have
freely talked about sex with you and a couple of other friends because I
see it as a natural part of life.  So I am not ashamed of it.  But this was
something different.  I have never really thought that casual sex had any
place in my life.  So sex with a stranger was never something I imagined I
would indulge in.  But somehow it was worse with you than it would have
been with a stranger.  Because we have already been so close.  Somehow that
heightened my feeling of guilt."

   He buried his face in his hands.

   "What bothered me was that it turned me on.  If you thought that I could
go through something like that without feeling anything at all, you
miscalculated.  I am a human being.  Anyone would feel sexually stimulated
in a situation like that.  And that really screwed me up when I thought
about Rohan."

   "I knew it...  I am sorry."

   "Just stop apologizing, you idiot.  Let me finish.  What I want to say
is, despite all that, I have really enjoyed the way you are open with me
about what you feel and what it has done to you.  Yes, even though it is a
bit silly most of the time, I have enjoyed it.  And I think it has done
something wonderful to you.  So just seeing that helped me get over what I
was feeling.  I wasn't being normal with you since that day because I was
struggling with it.  But I am here to tell you that I am at peace with it."


   "Oh!" He beamed at me and clapped his hands.  "That's wonderful!  You
know, you could have said that to begin with.  I was feeling like crap
until now.  You came in with that look on your face and talked about how
horrible you think casual sex is..."

   "Well, you need to feel a little guilt I think," I said with a wink. 
"That was just a small payback for what I went through.  Be a sport about
it."

   "I am always a good sport."

   "Yes, now let's see if you can be one now," I said.  "I have decided
that I too need to be like you a little.  I need to express what I feel and
really be myself.  So I have decided to face up to the fact that I was
turned on that day.  So I am here to have sex with you, if you don't mind."


   His hands froze in mid-clap.

   "Say that again?"

   "You heard me.  I want to have sex.  I just want to go through what I
felt that day."

   He was stumped.  I laughed.

   "You have been saying outrageous things just to shock me for days now.
How does it feel to be shocked for a change?  Two can play at a game, you
know?"

   "So this was a joke to shock me?" he asked.

   I rolled my eyes.  Why was this taking so long to sink in?  In one swift
movement, I took off my t-shirt and tossed it on the chair.  It was when
the jeans came off that he found his voice again.

   "Wooooow..."

   "Enough to convince you that I mean it?"

   "Yes!"

   "So do you want to do it or would it be weird for you?" I asked, a
little seriously.  "It is okay if you want to not go this far.  I won't
hold it against you if don't want to do it."

   He said nothing, but took off his shirt in response.  I laughed and ran
into the bedroom.  He rushed in after me, struggling to get out of his
clothes even as he ran.  I sat on the bed while he stripped hurried.  Half
a minute later, he was fully naked and erect.  I giggled at the sight of
his cock.

   "There it is!  I remember that!" I said, as I reached out and grabbed
it. "I remember how that feels.  Let's see how it feels in my cunt."

   I winked at him as he looked down at me with obvious lust.

   "I can't believe this is happening," he said hoarsely.  "Stop with the
dirty talk.  You might make me cum just by talking."

   Without a word, I pulled him closer and kissed him at the base of his
cock.  He moaned and closed his eyes.  I kissed my way along the shaft and
when I got to the head, I engulfed it in my mouth.  He slumped a little at
the knees at that sensation, so I pulled him out again and motioned him to
get onto the bed.  As he got on, I slipped out of my bra and panties.  He
was devouring me with his eyes.  I smiled and pushed him down on his back.

   "You can admire me later.  Now it is time for work."

   I quickly moved up towards his head and began to lower myself into a
sixty-nine position.  He kissed my dripping pussy and I squealed, surprised
by the intensity of the sensation.  He began to lap away hungrily at once
and for a few seconds I almost forgot about the beautiful cock in front of
me.  Then it twitched, calling for my attention and I began to suck on it
again.  We feasted on each other hungrily and I came quickly enough,
mercilessly grinding my pussy on his face.  When my orgasm subsided, I
began to suck him even more earnestly.  He let me for a while and I was
looking forward to seeing him cum again.  But then suddenly, he pushed me
off.

   He moved on top of me, pushing me back on the bed and kissing me deeply.
My skin crackled as his hands roamed over me.  His erect cock rubbed
against my belly and I felt my lust mounting again.  I reached down and
guided him to my slit.  As the head touched my pussy-lips, he suddenly
stopped moving in.

   "Oh...Prachi...  no condom."

   "It's fine.  Fuck me."

   And then in one swift motion, we were one.  It was heaven.  And I don't
just mean in terms of physical pleasure.  I was so turned on that even a
finger in my pussy would have felt amazing.  But what made this better was
that in that one moment I finally destroyed my image of myself as a "good"
woman.  I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him in as deep as I could.
I would have loved a frantic fuck but he began to move slowly and steadily.
I thought of urging him to move faster but then regained enough of my
senses to know that this was special for him.  I had to let him enjoy it on
his terms.  It had been a while since he had had sex and he was really
enjoying being inside a woman.  He was probing me deeply and slowly, to
savour the contact.  Even with that slow pace, in a very short while, I
could feel my orgasm starting to build up again.  I unwrapped my legs and,
using them as support, tried to grind back against him, trying to gently
urge him to a higher tempo.  He seemed to get the message and he began to
move a little more aggressively.  And then, much sooner than I had
expected, I came again.  I celebrated it with a very deliberate guttural
moan, shuddering and trembling as the waves ran through me.  When I opened
my eyes, I realized that he had stopped and was just staring at the
spectacle.  I giggled.

   "Okay, go on," I said.

   "That was amazing!  Do you always cum like that?"

   "Go on!  Now it is your turn."

   If anyone had been watching us then, Nikhil would have been a blur.

   Now he dropped his restraint and started pounding away at my pussy.  I
was feeling very satiated at the moment, so I wondered if there was
anything I could do to aid his orgasm...  apart from just lying there that
is.  Dirty talk perhaps?

   "Come on, cum in me!" Whoops!  That did it.  He told me later that one
of the things holding him back then was that he was unsure whether I wanted
him to pull out when he came.  So, when I told him to cum in me, the
excitement simply catapulted him over the edge.  I held him close as he
spasmed.  And I continued to hold him for a while after that, as he lay
still on top of me.

   He finally rolled off, and I snuggled up to him.  And then we began to
talk.  I told him in detail about how I had felt since I had given him that
handjob - the joy I felt as I saw how he became happier as well as the
guilt I had felt on account of Rohan.  Then I told him about my dream and
how it helped me feel better and helped me change.  He just listened until
I had finished.  Then when I asked him how he had been, he just replied
briefly that he had felt some guilt about pushing me into this confused
state.  But apart from that, he had felt genuinely happy.  He said that
even though he had asked me for the handjob, he had never expected me to
say yes.  He had just said it aloud to let out some of his frustration. 
When it really did happen though, it helped him climb out of the pit of
self-pity and despair.  He was gradually learning to expect good things in
life again.

   "I had never expected this though," he said.  "I figured the best thing
I could hope for that you would recover from all those guilty feelings. 
That's why I never asked you for even a repeat of that handjob."

   "Well, I guess you are not the only one who got something out of that
handjob.  I learnt something about myself and I changed." "Forever?" "Looks
like it." "So we can do this again?"

   I burst out laughing.  How like a man!

   "Yes, I suppose so.  Just keep it discreet, okay?  I don't want to hurt
Rohan."

   "So you don't feel guilty anymore?"

   I shrugged.

   "I have just decided guilt doesn't make sense with this.  If he finds
out and feels hurt, then I will feel bad about it.  But I will feel bad
because he is hurt.  I won't regret doing this."

   "You are happy with your marriage, aren't you?"

   "Yes, of course.  But I have decided that this has nothing to do with
that.  I am going to be an amazing wife to him.  And I am going to be an
amazing friend to you.  But above all, I am also going to be amazing to
myself."

   "Hmm...  that sounds like a wonderful attitude.  Very wise.  Beauty and
brains!"

   I rolled my eyes.

   "Yeah, I suppose my Ph.D.  was not enough to prove that I had brains," I
said, slapping him on the cheek.  He laughed.

   "Well, I have a Ph.D.  too, he said.  "But I am an idiot!  I don't know
my ass from my elbow."

   "That's true."

   "Speaking of asses..."

   "Yeah, I know.  Mine is great."

   "I would really like to spend some time admiring it."

   "Well, that's what it's here for."

   "Really?  You don't find that disgusting?"

   "Nikhil, honey...  you have talked enough about your taste in porn for
me to know what you like."

   "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

   He rolled me over on my stomach and began o grope and kiss my ass.  I
obliged him by lifting my ass up in the air.  A strong pair of hands began
to squeeze and massage the flesh of my buttocks and I moaned my approval.
He parted my thighs and slipped a couple of fingers into my pussy as his
tongue found my sphincter.  He licked and drooled over my asshole, probing
it with his tongue as much as he could.  I just closed my eyes and began to
enjoy the sensations.  After a while, he stopped licking and slipped his
lubricated fingers into my ass.  As he began to fingerfuck my asshole, I
really got into the mood for this and started moving too.

   "Prachi?"

   "Hmm?"

   "You like this, don't you?"

   "What do you think, idiot?"

   "So, you and Rohan do have anal sex?"

   "Yes, now and then."

   "You like that?"

   "Yeah, isn't that obvious right now?"

   "You never told me that."

   "I don't make it a habit to talk about anal sex in public.  Now just
focus on the job."

   "So, can I?"

   "Hmm?  Can you what?  Oh...  fuck my ass?  No, you can't do that.  Just
keep licking."

   I let him lick me for a while longer and then when I felt ready, I
pushed him back onto the bed and mounted him.  This time we did it slower
and for much longer.  I had usually preferred the missionary position.  I
had always been the passive lover.  But this seemed to suit me better.  I
felt like wonderfully in control as I rode him.  I was a queen, riding on
my horse, trampling all my past conditioning underneath.  I rode all the
way to my pleasure.  And then I took him to another orgasm and savoured the
feeling of him convulsing under me.

   *****

   He watched me as I dressed up to leave, but obstinately refused to put
on his clothes.

   "You are the one who is going out.  Why should I put on my clothes and
deprive you of the show?"

   "That is very considerate of you."

   "So...  can we do this again?"

   "I suppose so, when we find the time."

   "Well, we meet at work every day."

   "Yeah, we are not doing this at work."

   "Nothing at work?" He sounded upset.

   "Well, we will see.  But...  Nikhil, you are going to be fine about
this, aren't you?"

   "Hey, I have no feelings of guilt about fucking one of the most
beautiful women I know."

   "Yeah, thanks for the flattery.  But that's not what I mean.  You are
not going to get stuck on me, right?"

   "Not on you.  But I would love to get stuck in you!"

   I gave him an exasperated look.  He came up to me and took me into his
arms.

   "Looks like you are having regrets again," he said.

   "That is not what I mean," I said, looking into his eyes.  "I am married
and I have a wonderful lover at home.  I want you to have that too.  We are
friends.  The best of friends.  But we are not husband and wife.  You will
always have me, but there will always be some limits.  So I just don't want
you to get stuck on me and not look forward to rebuilding your life."

   "So you want me to..."

   "Get married," I said.  "And no, before you ask, that does not mean I
want this to stop.  We will have our fun whenever we can.  I just also want
you to have a lover at home.  Find someone."

   He looked a little pensive.

   "Then we can cheat together," I added with a wink.

   He laughed and hugged me.

   "Or perhaps you will feel guilty about it then," I said.  "Particularly
if her ass is prettier than mine."

   "I don't think so.  I am too much of a freak to feel guilty about sex."

   "That's true."

   "And so are you now."

   "Well, that's why we are friends."

   "By the way, one thing is bothering me.  You said you do have anal sex
with Rohan.  So why didn't you let me?"

   I giggled at the look of child-like petulance on his face.

   "Sorry, just wasn't in the mood today."

   "So we can do it later?"

   "Maybe..."

   He reached around and grabbed my ass.

   "Such a beautiful ass.  I just wanted to get to know it all the way."

   I patted him on the cheek.

   "There is a big stack of exams waiting to be graded on my desk in my
office."

   "Such a tireless worker you are.  How can you think of work after all
this?"

   "No, I mean, you are going to grade them tomorrow?"

   "Yes, you are.  If you want to fuck my ass."

   "Hey!  That's not fair!"

   "Sure it is."

   "So I am always going to pay to have anal sex with you?  I thought you
said you liked it."

   "I do!  You won't have to pay all the time.  Just some times!"

   "Whore!"

   I decided not to answer that.

   "Fine.  I will grade them.  But hey...  you are sure you are going to be
okay with Rohan, right?"

   "Yeah, he will get his share when I get home."

   "Today?  Good grief, haven't you had enough?"

   "That is none of your business.  I will see you tomorrow."

   *****

   We had wonderful fun for a few months.  I used to visit his apartment
quite often.  And then we used to have quickies in his office too.  But
then he got married three months ago.  So that has reduced us to just the
quickies in the office.  We are not really desperate enough to go do it in
a hotel.  I suppose we could do it at home if our spouses are not around,
but though it will be not as often now.  I don't really mind.  After all,
we are just friends giving each other some pleasure.  On the other hand, my
marriage has certainly gotten better.  Rohan loves the new me and has
started opening up in new ways himself.  Sometimes I wonder how much he
will change.  Perhaps he too might find a "friend" of his own.  I am not
sure that I won't feel jealous then, even though I won't have the moral
right to.  But I will get over it.  After all, I have my friend too.
   THE END