Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Entry 222 (I cut out a long depressing talk about a fight mom and Daddy
had, since it completely didn't have any bearing at all, and I changed some
things.  I omitted Mr.  K's name, corrected the spelling of the word
frozen, and the title at the top was "a really depressing day" because I
felt really bad about cheating on Jen basically.  But I only did what was
needed, not to hurt but to help, and 288 through 291 explains a lot there
too, so don't think bad of me till you know everything ok?  Everything else
is exact including misspellings, from my journal.)

   First, Diary, Mr.  K loved my paper on tutoring the next generation of
ballerinas.  He didn't like the way I changed tenses, which I have to work
on I guess.  That's something I've never worried about in my journals, is
it?  He has helped me so much, even when he has to correct me it kills him,
because he knows how much I'm trying.  He has that salt and pepper hair
still, just after the haircut its now too short, in my opinion.  He said he
would have the final grades by Tuesday if I wanted to come his office.

   OK, so I was really excited and I ran seriously ran the whole way to Jen
and Dave's.  Her new little car is so cute I'm totally jealous!  I'm not
mad I can't drive, just I hate being a burden on others.  I wasn't like
shocked to find her "little ho" was gone.  It's a Honda, she calls it her
ho for short.  She has been wanting to show me some clothing she had made
for the club too which I was wanting to see.  I still need to see those
Diary, remind me!

   I knocked on the door, then like normal, I walk in yelling hello!  I
didn't want to be around Dave, I don't know, I was worried about him for
some reason.  So,, I took three steps, threw my bag basically against the
couch side, and I sit plop into the huge old beat up fold out bed of a
couch.  Oh it's white kinda, with thick cords in the fabric like.

   I reached over to grab the remote off the coffee table, and there's an
almost gone joint almost burned up in the orange ceramic ashtray!  They
know I don't like drugs, but he didn't know I was coming, so I just grab
the remote and sit back.

   The moment my back hit the sofa cushion, it was like I felt my bra
instantly evaporate.  They bounced off my chest, they rolled and they were
cooler kinda, it was like my bra had snapped in front, under my green and
white sweater.  I grabbed them, and then reached under with my right hand
to feel if I actually had popped my bra.  It was a cheap white Walmart so
it was possible.  18 Hour bras can take like, pole dancing and anything. 
My fingers felt the smooth white cotton of the right bra panel, but my
right breast totally felt like, my hand and no bra.  I freaked.  I pulled
my sweater down and stood up yelling for Dave.

   He said something like, "Come on back" or something, and anyways I was
still freaking about how my sweater was feeling, knowing there was a bra
there which by the way has a lined panel, so I should have felt like
nothing.  I walked on back down their little mini-hallway.  Both dogs were
jumping and wanting me to play, and of course I was like playing and
talking to them, since we know who really is the master of the house!  I
opened the bedroom door and its dark, with the big drapes down, and its
smoky with pot, so now I'm really peeved at him.  Remember when he said he
was quitting to me?

   I walk in, saying something mean like "Nice!  Are you still doing it" or
something.  I meant to say doing drugs, or smoking pot, whatever, anyways
that's how it came out.  Dave was by the double closet, exactly to my left,
and had those blue soccer shorts on and nothing else.  He had that big
crystal wall hanging in his hand, but he hugged me like usual, and I didn't
say anything but inside I was soooo not going to look at that freaking huge
shattered crystal thing, noway.  He reeked of marijuana when I kissed his
cheek.  There was absolutely no bra feeling though, not even the strap.  He
hugged me maybe a little too long, but, my breasts were going crazy by the
feel of his chest against me, and he had a woody I could feel against my
right thigh, through the skirt.  It was the whitish corduroy one, a little
short for the temperature, I'm not sure why I wore it, except maybe the
boat racing guys might be around while I was getting my grades.

   I felt King lick my right thigh, so I looked down, and pushed his nose
away with my right hand, kinda nervous giggle you know.  Dave grabs my butt
with his right hand, little squeeze thing, and he asks about King, if I
like him.  He scares me, and I told him so, but then I was trying to make
up for that by saying I still liked him, all that, because I had kinda
insulted him by insulting his dog, or whatever.  Men.

   There was this dead silence, where I was just like frozen staring at
him, and he was staring back.  It must have been a second but it felt like
a minute.  I finally asked him, "So how are you?" and he had his hands,
with the glass hanging thing, at like his belt line.  He did have a woody
and soccer shorts can't hide that.  Men probably hate that.  I hate tight
T-shirts when My nips get nubby for the same reason.

   Anyways, he doesn't answer.  I wait.  I wait.  King is jumping on the
bed barking, and all I could think of was to look at his belt, or rather
that crystal thing, and wonder why he hadn't said anything.  No answer,
still no answer, I wait.

   He says, "Wendy, I need your help ok?" and he is hugging me, his hot
breath an inch from my neck.  I hugged him, and I felt like crying, or
something, I felt so bad for him.  I felt every emotion in me shaking and
screaming to be expressed.  Put things normal, make them right, to make him
happy and help him like he was going to war or kill himself, I don't know
what.  It was a very powerful feeling, and I think I was a little trancy
now.  Actually from the fight that morning, and getting my math grade,
having someone care and feeling like helping not super depressed, was kewl.
His hands were massaging my butt, and soothing my butt is unfair, but I was
way way beyond caring.  I said something like "oh my God what", or
something, but he started licking my earlobe and ear, with little flicks.
His hands stayed on my butt but his tongue licked my ear, my neck, down my
neck to my throat, and I pushed him back.  He was naked, and so was I, and
I soooo freaked!  He had this huge woody sticking up, and I looked down for
my clothes, and said something, I'm not sure what but like "I have to go",
or something.  I was scared I guess, but I was thinking of myself when
others were in need.  God I need to work on that.

   Dave seemed nervous, or worried about something, and I was too, but I'm
not sure why.  I even told him when he asked, how I felt about his needing,
his needs, that like everyone has needs, and there's like an aspirin for
every hurt, and God made me to help others.  I don't know, it didn't come
out right, and I need to explain it better to him, I need to think it out
and have a talk with him.  I kissed him, and he seemed to be better, but
still like hesitant, and like something secret was bothering him.  It made
me nervous and I told him so, because honesty is medicine too, right?  He
apologized for giving me negative feelings, like an aura, (if I believed in
auras) and with this playful swat to my butt (not like him) he just took my
hand like a prince, soooo not normally Dave, so I could rise off my knees.
Swat!  And I was like owowowowow and on their old creaky bed, but King had
totally this "it's OK, it's OK".  He rubbed the swat spot, which helped but
I know I had a handprint, like his brand, across my butt.

   I was like looking at King, who was standing on the bed.  I was on all
fours, on the bed, and I was totally rocking forward and back, and
shivering with Dave rocking in and out, really slow.  I know I'm forgetting
something, it'll come to me and I'll write it on another page.  I was
moaning and making the little shrieks I make sometimes which is why sex at
home will never ever work, (which sucks but anyways), and then my insides
are clamping onto him and my thighs are jumping, and I orgasmed.  King was
licking my face, kissing and sharing with me, and I never did tell him no,
because it was his place and he was caring for me so why would I say, no
you can't care for others?  Only people are like that.

   He was yelling and groaning that deep male "workout groan" when he
slammed really hard into me, and orgasmed too.  His hands hurt my hips, he
gripped me so hard.  I shrieked from the pain, but he thought it was from
ecstasy, so he exploded!  After all the crud he had been through, it was
amazing he could even share love with another person, and I was so glad for
him I was crying with joy for him, and kinda from the orgasm too.  I fell
to my tummy on their bed, mostly to hide my face from King, but also I was
tired.  I have no idea how long I had been there but I was so glad to have
been there, to give him his manhood, to make him feel important, and whole,
and real.  I felt huge, I felt so important and vital, and really mad
orgasmic.  It was more than sex Diary, I had used God's gifts to me, to
help others, to help Dave.  I lay there while he massaged my whole back,
butt and legs, squeezing with his hands, and kneading my muscles lightly
while wiping the sweat off my back.  I felt his deflated penis touch my
thigh, my butt, leaving wet spots as he massaged.  It was ickey but at the
same time it was like the proof, like he didn't have to say thank you or
tell me how I had been there for him or anything, because his body said it
for him.  King licked my face a few more times and I think he was licking
my side and back while Dave thanked me with his massaging palms, but I was
so sexed and exhausted I am not sure.  King seemed to have a secret he
wanted to share, if that makes any sense, ( I know I know, he's a dog) but
that moment was about Dave and his problems and needs.  Two hours we
touched and talked out things, and the more he was able to caress me, play
with my hair, or just lie in my arms, the more he talked, the more he
relaxed and expressed.

   Mom asked me how my evening went, and I remember shutting the front
door, walking straight up to the shower, and I don't know how I got from
his bed to the house actually, but it'll come.  I floated in euphoria all
night, and mom probably knew everything, but she didn't ask,, we just
talked about the fight earlier.  I know she's right but Daddy must be in
huge pain now too.  I need to ask Dave some questions about tonight.  I
know this won't look the same to Jen as it does to me, to Dave.  What do I
do Diary?