Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Entry 176

   I woke up in the hotel room (in MY room) and had the first pains of
doubt about the whole photoshoot.  It doesn't matter how many times they
say they won't publish your name or address or any of that, you still fear
it.  The fear is actually, like knowing I could be one of two different
people, but I am both in the dark.  Should someone snap on the light, I
have to be one or the other, and can't be both at all.

   Person A:

   I truly love teaching dance to the 5-8 year olds.  The parents respect
me and students love me, and I love them too!  I am mostly thru with my
Education Degree, which would be a wonderful career.  I perform in the
local civic performances.  I am one of the teachers in the youth ministry
program at daddy's church.  Not to mention I stay free at my parents's
home, and use their car, eat their food, all that.  Sexually she's safe,
and not embarrassed.

   Person B:

   I am an erotic performer, which is more than just stripping off my
clothes.  I tease, I converse, I give to the customer the fantasy and fun
particular to their needs and desires.  It's taken a long time but I'm now
able to get into a frame of mind that makes private dances easy, even fun-
and better for the customer.  I have now been in several hypnosis stage
shows with Celeste(name changed) and find I am able to soften out easily if
I use some of the methods my therapist or Celeste use.  The feeling of
flying, changing my shape, or anything, and well any sensory stuff is just
crazy wild.  I've won several erotic dance contests now, as well as a wet T
contest (not a real contest it was a parade with a prize), and been just
finished my second video / photoshoot last night, and CRUD!  At first
Person A was causing serious guilt and bad feelings, but once She
sublimated, it was SOOOOO Kewl.  I was suppose to just pose with the other
models but the poses were so erotic!  How can you embrace someone closely,
"look turned on" and run your hands all over them while they do the same,
and NOT get excited?  Last night, just for the shoot(s), I made more money
than a teacher makes several months.  On the pole I make as much on a busy
night as a teacher makes in a week.  I do a lot of counseling work with the
customers!  And no teacher gets to watch people get madly aroused and even
orgasm from her most subtle gestures.  They don't get driven crazy-mad
(near orgasmic) by customers and bought things and free drinks and all. 
Sexual exploration is encouraged.

   Obviously, a minister can't have a famous "porngirl" in his house, even
if she's his daughter.  Should anyone in the world of Person A learn about
Person B, Person A basically would die.  Immoral-hooker-slutty-sinful
reprobates can't teach, at school or church, and don't get insurance,
retirement, or get much respect really.

   What a choice.

   I just noticed that I wore the last outfit back from the shoot, and left
my dress and purse there!  I know they cleaned up, and probably Tracy has
it, so when Celeste wakes up, and calls to meet me downstairs for
breakfast, she has to drive me possibly to Miami!  But I have to have it!
God ok, so how was I able to forget my purse, my pretty thistle dress my
mom got me, and my flats, and how was I able to walk through the city, go
out, and come back and not even think about wearing this?  (It's the red
outfit.  There was a white one, a black negligee and undies set, and that
leather thing).  Obviously, Person A wasn't in charge last night.
   Must ask Celeste if she tranced me when we went out.