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 Entry 140

   Diary, as I write this during church it occurs to me, Joan of Arc was
tranced.  She was totally into trancing, and the cardinals, and some close
friends at her village, and even maybe her big sister or mother, or father,
tranced her, and often.  Frequently enough to be able to quickly and easily
enter a half-trance state.  Whether the voices she heard were her inner
voices released through hypnosis, or if someone was trancing her and the
voice was that person's thoughts, I don't know.  She started wearing men's
clothing, fought against all the conventions of the time, thought herself a
knight of God, and I believe had powerful sexual experiences, which
furthers a woman's resolve in times when she realizes she's doing something
the whole world doesn't and will never, understand.

   I think there are two people inside me sometimes.  Maybe that Gemini
stuff the astrologers say is more true than most Christians believe!  I
feel as if I had a powerful and erotic dream last night, and yet if I close
my eyes, I can hear the little voice, the feelings of the other me, and its
like, it was not a dream it was real, and I'm afraid to let this other me
have her way.  She doesn't really want to do anything more than the things
I want to do anyways, and she seems to like being sexy, and reveling in
trance and stuff, which I do, so I guess I can let her play for a while and
see where it goes.  Just like trance, you have to be brave enough to let go
and see how it goes, and then later you can say, I'll never do that again,
or whatever.  It's like a roller coaster ride.  You don't know what it will
be like, what you'll experience, but you know it won't last very long, it
will be generally safe, and in the end it will feel pretty kewl!  Oh and
it's more fun with friends.  So you just let them pull the lapbar down and
give up control as the car goes its way and you hold up your arms and
scream!

   I have to go out to the playground, fulfilling my duties as watcher of
the children I guess, and I'm getting that warm floaty feeling, and I don't
know why, but I'm pretty happy to be in the company of Joan of Arc.  Maybe
I'll hear voices and lead people in a revolution!  Can't be as boring as
playground monitor.