Entry 12

My Secret Diary, Oh My God!

   I was at work, about ten o’clock, last night. OK, it was
boring I admit. Everything I had seen in movies about “strip
clubs” was sooo not true. Most of the time at work is spent
waiting, like at a bus station, only with better music, and
I have to wear pretty skimpy outfits- even less than jazz
dance. No wonder some of the dancers pass out in the chairs,
or take drugs just to stay awake! There were 6 of us
dancers, and only one customer- only had 3 in two hours!
So,, when Diane walked in and sat at one of the small wooden
tables down by the front of the runway, I really didn’t have
a choice but to sit and talk to her. It was like, her or the
coatroom, you know?
   Anyways, Shauna and Stace were sitting in the back, by
the private dance rooms, and the hallway to the Green room
(break room and changing room) and back door. Ok, so Shauna
gets up to dance. She wears the black 2 piece shiny bikini
Stace got her on the beach last week. It was sooo a “now
that we’re a couple” gift. So, first song, she danced up by
the customer on the right, and of course toward Stace. She’s
really beautiful- I should get a photo and glue it in here.
She isn’t tall, or leggy, or busty. She reminds me of the
actress in Desperado with Antonio (ooh) Banderas. She’s a
sexy half Cuban fireball! And she can get the dollars too.
She has this way of dancing that makes men tip her- I sooo
need to learn it.
   Second song, she has to take off the bottoms- see first
you take off the top, second song has to be the bottoms,
though you could do it at the end for just a second.
   I know I’m not explaining this well enough. I told Diane
about my therapist and the free flow journal I keep, how I
don’t erase and just write what I’m thinking, and she said
that it can be more helpful than medication, and even said
she’d help my writing it, in a non-judgmental way. She
really does the counseling thing with the hospital and the
care home, so maybe I will!
   Anyways, Shauna comes down front, by the red string
lights, and the pole at the end. She sees Diane, and like
totally loses her grip on the pole, and lands on her back,
on the edge of the runway, with her feet doubled over her
head! See, Diane and Shauna were together for over a year.
Then they broke up. Shauna is now pretty tight with Stace,
who even gives Meg rent because of how often she’s there.
Stace is this little biker girl with black hair, and kinda
boyish figure, but I saw her break up a fight with her boots
and just tossing guys around, so she’s pretty tough for her
size! And,, she has kind of a mouth on her. She sounds as
tough as she looks, is what I mean. Stace doesn’t see her
fall; she’s in a drape room with a private dance.
   Diane WAS talking to me about her stage show. She thought
I did really well last Saturday so she wants me to be a
regular. ME! I’m kinda blown away, and if you came from an
upper middle family, and were raised as strictly as me
(daddy the minister?), you would too. Plus when my Ex left,
(See page one of this diary for my way-too-emotional
outburst on why I’m now here in Florida, broke up and living
with Meg and the others) his biggest point was how I’m not
sexy, not sensual. I always thought I was, to be honest.
Ballet is very sensual to me, but I guess it isn’t to
others?. Anyways, Shauna splashing beside her didn’t hardly
faze her. She’s so unshakable, calm, no wonder she’s such a
good hypnotist. And being this wiccan priestess I am sure
helps, but I don’t believe in that stuff.
   Shauna sits up, her legs on both sides of Diane. She’s
totally out of breath, not focusing, clearly messed up.
Diane says to me, “Just a moment darling.” Then she turns
and stands between Shauna’s legs.
   OK, this is the weird part.
   The music gets quiet, and the lights slow up, cuz see
they’re kinda automatic. Diane says “Are you OK baby?”
Shauna says, “Goddamn (sorry swearing) it’s you! What are
you”,,, and before she could finish her sentence, Diane said
something like “Shauna baby sleep” and touched her forehead
with her fingertips on her right hand.
   I just totally froze. All I could do was just watch my
roommate and the stage hypnotist lady. I have only known
both a week or so!  Shauna’s such a ball of energy, and she
was so worked up, like, the moment she touched her, Shauna’s
eyes closed, and she just sat there while Diane ran her
hands down Shauna’s thighs and was saying things to her. The
music got loud so I couldn’t hear, but Shauna was swaying,
left and right, while Diane used her hands lightly, on
Shauna’s arms. Kinda like a doll, Diane would pull her
forward, and lean her left and right, and she’d just sway
around, her arms floating and head bobbing. Diane put her
hand right between Shauna’s breasts, and her whole body
jumped, and got like, really stiff! She left her hand there,
and leaned over to Shauna’s right ear, and was whispering,
while Shauna just trembled like she was orgasming or
something!
   OK, I got up and went to the bar, which isn’t easy in
these heels- I’m learning them though.  I even asked Diane
why men think they look sexy, and she’s the first person to
ever explain it to me in a way I get. Check the way they
contract the calves, raise the lowest point of the
hamstrings-raising the butt and rounding it, and to walk
without falling, the back rolls in this weird S curve, where
the butt has to extend, and you have to roll the shoulders
back or else fall forward. Just maintaining balance and
crossing a room to the bar means I have to throw my chest
out, stick my butt out, and all my large muscle groups are
tighter and rounder! SO that I understand, but dancing as
powerfully as I have been taught to do, in heels? Do they
make the kind my Barbie had, where a pin stuck up through
the foot to stay on her? (joke)
   I get to the bar, Carrie and Cocoa (she really is the
exact color of cocoa, but smells like coconut totally) are
laughing at me wobbling up, and we start yakking on anything
to keep us awake. I look over about like ten minutes later,
when Cocoa was getting up to dance, and in the shadow on the
left, there’s Shauna, in one of the high back black booths,
with her arms around Diane’s shoulders! Diary, she swears
I’m wrong but I know her top was laying on the table, but
she was pressed against Diane so I couldn’t see, not that I
look that closely at women, you know? Ick.
   OK. Sounds on the floor- the runway. I look, and Stace is
arguing that it’s her turn to dance, and Cocoa’s saying she
was busy in a private dance so she missed her turn. But
Cocoa is sooo giving, she just says like, to join her, and
slides to her right (toward Shauna and Di) and Stace is on
the dancer’s left side. Stace does a lot of pole work, and
I’m going to ask her to show me some things, because she
makes it more than swinging around, its almost a dance step,
and I can see the erotic quality in it when she does it.
Cocoa is all leg shaking and jug jiggling. I was kinda
watching her, when I noticed Diane getting up. She just
turned and walked all the way out without looking back,
saying goodbye, nothing! Carrie said something so we yakked
on, and next I know Shauna is beside me.
   She wraps her arms around my shoulders, and asks (loudly
cuz Cocoa likes loud “booty bounce” music) where I went. I
said something like “what are you smoking” and she puts my
boobs in a total death grip! I yell Oh My God and grab her
hands. She says, "I’m not letting go till you tell me why
you left!” I’m totally flushed, getting dizzy, so I just
say, “well you were busy making out with Diane, so I left!”
Shauna says “Is Diane here?” I look over my shoulder, and
she’s so serious! Doesn’t even remember making out. So I’m
asking her if she remembers the booth, if she remembers what
Diane said. We figure out that after the splashdown, she
goes kind of blank, and next thing she knows she thinks she
walked out of a drape room, when actually it was the booth
next to them in back.
   Diary, after about ten minutes of talking to me about
what she did and didn’t remember, she told me about her
previous year with Diane, before the break up. They did a
lot of hypnosis stuff, both on and off stage. I don’t
normally drink but I had a Rum and Coke- that coconut rum is
really good. They never stir drinks well enough so I splish
ice everywhere when I stir. She went on about stuff over at
Diane’s house, party antics, all that. God, I am going to be
kind and not write any of it down, but later on I might! So,
if I ever get invited to one of her parties, Scared as I
would be I totally have to go see if it’s like Shauna says!
   OK, so Stace walked up then. There’s this really loud
smack. Shauna jumps and grabs her butt and jumps around, up
and down, almost to tears! Stace slapped her so hard on the
butt that there was a print there when she was getting
dressed to go home at about 3am! When she gets her breath
she says, “Why did you do that you crazy bitch?” (Swearing
sorry) Stace says “What were your hands doing you slut?” At
which point 3 things happened, Diary.
  1-   Stace started laughing. She wasn’t really mad.
2-   Shauna looks at her hands and then she laughs and hugs
Stace an apology.
3-   I realize- the whole time talking (like ten minutes?)
she had her hands on and around my breasts. I turn a dark
purple; nearly pass out from the embarrassment!
  It’s not a job I will ever brag about Diary, but compared
to like, fast food and stuff, this is a very exciting place
to work!
Stay tuned,,,I promise to get better at describing and
explaining. Maybe I can ask Diane to help me with memory and
with describing when we stop by next week.