Jerry and Tinky
by
Shadowloup
 
 
 
Only those metaphysically over the age of consent may read this story.



Wearing only boxer shorts with a "Jesus Saves" motif, Jerry sat alone in his 
favorite chair pitying himself, the flabby ridges and contours of his drooping 
chest and arms thrown into stark relief by the flickering of the television set. 
On a stained coffee table a bottle of sourmash sat atop a Bible cum coaster, 
much like a small dog awaiting its master's call.

Once Jerry ruled a vast ministry. His image was broadcast to nations 24 hours 
each day, and his message that God showed His favor by bestowing monetary riches 
was heard by hundreds of millions.

Jerry had been well connected then. He merely had to pick up the phone to talk 
with Ronny, assuming the President was not asleep and that the Pres remembered 
who Jerry was. Those had been Jerry's salad days. Millions of people heeded his 
every word and sent him billions. Those billions had come in handy when his wife 
wanted to use the plane to go shopping in Hawaii and the children wanted new 
Italian sports cars.

But those days were long past.

Now Jerry had more free time than he wanted. With that free time came the 
Darkness, which sapped Jerry's soul and strength. He did not have enough energy 
to write sermons condemning Godless Hollywood. He barely had enough energy to 
watch the television shows created in that satanic place.

So it was that Friday found Jerry sitting alone in the dark on the threadbare 
couch clad only in his boxer shorts. 

He scratched his balls through the thin material of his skivvies and sighed. 
Then he changed the channel.

Jerry was jerked out of his unholy lethargy by the bright pastel colors of a new 
show he had never seen before. Four bright creatures pranced before his amazed 
eyes. They were vaguely humanoid in shape, with furry arms and legs, and fuzzy 
fat behinds. Each had a different colored fur. Their faces were childlike, but 
also simian. And they talked to each other with soft, baby-like cooing. Jerry 
found himself strangely drawn to the purple one whose name was Tinky Winky.

The show’s plot began sucking Jerry in. There was a strange baby in the sun who 
looked down with delight at the creatures' activities. A strange voice would 
tell the creatures what to do, and they would do it giggling all the while. 

Must be an angel, Jerry thought.

After watching for a while, Jerry became aware of strange feeling arising from 
his groin. He looked down and was startled to see his penis tenting his sacred 
boxers as if it too were anxious to view the creatures. It was a sight so rare 
and wondrous it gave Jerry pause. It was a bit like Lazarus rising from the 
dead. Even his wife had not been able to evoke such a reaction from him in some 
time.

Jerry scratched his chin, and took another sip of sourmash as he pondered this 
situation.

His gaze wandered back to the television where those four creatures were trying 
to get the purple one to wear a skirt.

Jerry's penis lurched, soaking the front of his boxers with precious bodily 
fluids.

"This is wrong," Jerry said. "Very, very wrong."

What ungodly influence was causing his naughty bits to react this way?

Jerry thought about it for a second, then raced to the kitchen. Somewhere his 
wife had a magnifying glass. If he could only find it...

He tore through the contents of four drawers, scattering knives, spoons and 
strainers on the floor before he succeeded in finding a long handled magnifying 
glass. Jerry raced back to the television set and knelt in front of it. The 
unkempt shag rug was rough against his knees, but Jerry hardly noticed as he 
began the laborious task of sexing the teletubbies. While he couldn't be 
certain, Jerry felt that the yellow one's crotch bore the hall marks of Eve. As 
did the red one. The green one could be male. But the purple one was definitely 
an Adam.

Jerry was incensed. The sanctity of a children's show was being besmirched by 
this creature who was prancing about with his sword of God hanging out for all 
to see.

As if to say "don't forget about me," Jerry's penis gave another throb.

Stunned, Jerry decided to analyze his reaction with another sip of sourmash. As 
he did so he developed a theory. That was what he was good at - thinking up 
things.

And his theory was this. The purple male teletubby had an antenna. Antennas send 
waves. Jerry knew this because once his broadcasting empire actually possessed 
some antennas when he had been broadcasting the gospel. But this teletubby was 
using his antenna to broadcast some sort of homosexual radiation wave. 

That insidious bastard, Jerry thought.

It all made sense. The teletubby's antenna was triangular, a subtle symbol of 
homosexuality. The purple fur, another gay designation. And that handbag. Only 
Eve had been allowed to use handbags in the Garden of Eden. 

Taking up the magnifying glass again, Jerry gave Tinky Winky's crotch another 
going over. Definitely male. And, if he was not mistaken, the teletubby's 
genitalia was circumcised. Tinky Winky was Jewish.

"Why am I not surprised," Jerry sarcastically said to the tellytubby 

Jerry's naughty bits throbbed as the purple teletubby faced the camera. It was 
more than he could stand. 

Angry, Jerry dropped his skivvies and grasped his angry member with one hand.

"Is this what you want?" he shouted to the televised teletubby. "This what you 
want, you godless pervert?"

Using short, vicious pumps, Jerry jerked his penis towards the screen displaying 
the purple teletubby's sappy face and grinning mouth. An image of Tinky Winky's 
mouth closing over his prick filled Jerry's head. There were more images, images 
of that purple rump setting atop his face, immersing his nose in sinful 
pleasure, butt fur chaffing his cheeks in intimate contact, sweat pouring off 
his brow... 

"Get out of my mind, you sexual Antichrist!" Jerry screamed, his fist tight and 
chiseling away at his naughty bits as the flab of his arm waved in the breeze.

"Uh oh," Tinky Winky said.

With a horse scream, Jerry spurted his semen across the tv screen in long, 
dripping ropes of unleashed lust, dousing the purple being's face. "Take that, 
you slut! Take that!", he repeated to the point of incoherence until the 
pleasure diminished to cold, breathy anticlimax.

As his heartbeat slowed and his breath caught up with him, Jerry pondered what 
his next move would be. The public had to be informed of this satanic 
conspiracy. A press conference would be in order. Plus a fundraising letter. And 
a sermon.

Once his people learned of this purple gay jewish antichrist, they would start 
sending him money again. His coffers would overflow. Glory awaited, he was again 
favored by God.

Praise Jesus!

Jerry smiled, then blinked.

Before all that he had to clean up the tv set before his wife got home.






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