The Four Corners of the Round Table

by

Shadowloup

Date: 1999/03/30 



The following story is copyrighted by Shadowloup 1999. It is meant to be read by 
adults, and can be distributed freely as long as this header is attached. 
Constructive feedback is welcome. Those under the physical or metaphysical age 
of consent should get lost.

And now for something completely different...


In dayes of old,
when knyghtes were bold
and toilette papyr
not yit invented,
they wippyd their asse
with Rynoldds Wrappe,
and walked away
contynted.
---- from Ye Book of Four and Three Quarters

In those days there were heroes.

Sir Fuckemmore was hard pressed. Kink Arthur saw this, and came to that noble 
knight's aid.

"Here, noble Sir Fuckemmore. Have to and I shall take over," Arthur said.

"Nay sire. I am a man of my word. And if I cannot fornicate with these last 
twenty maidens, as I have vowed to do, let no man say that Sir Fuckemmore did 
not die ensconced in his saddle."

With that, Fuckemmore went back to his fuckery. But the arduous labor tolled 
heavily upon him, and his hips no longer snapped as they had earlier. Arthur 
feared the worst for his knight.

A strange beating rose upon the air, like a flock of mighty hummingbirds on the 
wing. Arthur looked up to see the feet of his advisor Whirlwin, as that sage 
flew above the treetops. The strange blade-like device set upon Whirlwin's gaily 
colored cap struck back the air.

The wizard carried with him a heavy tome, bound in black hide. Its sheer volume 
threatened to drag him from the sky.

Whirlwin landed, and as he walked to his Kink he eyed uneasily the thirteen 
maidens lying in fleshy dishabille across the grass. Seventeen more maidens, 
their soft pink skin glistening with sweat in the sunlight, gently and lovingly 
attacked the flagging Sir Fuckemmore's most intimate and vulnerable spots.

"Hail to thee, sire," Whirlwin said.

"Hail well met," Arthur replied. "Is that the fabled Book of Three, nestled 
within the crook of thy grubby little arm?"

"Nay, the Book of Three was overdue. I was forced to return it to the lending 
library from whence it came, and withdrew instead the Book of Four and Three 
Quarters," Whirlwin said.

The two watched as Fuckemmore set forth once again. He rode yet another maiden, 
and rode her well. Her sisters sat back to watch the amorous combat.

"Is this wise?" Whirlwin asked.

"Tis good to keep in practice. I find if I do not practice with my lance, I lose 
my keen eye, steady hand, and unerring aim," Arthur said. "And judging from yon 
trollop's squeals, she too is enjoying it."

"But these wenches are from the court of the Lady of the Fake Orgasm," Whirlwin 
said. "They are devoted to tearing down great men by sapping them of their 
precious seed."

"Quiet Whirlwin. Your babbling is as human seed spewed onto the ground. It gives 
you pleasure, but it is ultimately fruitless. Besides, Sir Fuckemmore is tiring. 
And judging from the grin spread across his countenance, it is a lovely way to 
go."

Unable to assail logic of this magnitude, Whirlwin joined Arthur in reading his 
lance.

Seeing two fresh warriors, the maidens regrouped and charged. Whirlwin caught 
one full on the twat with his lance, but was born down under the weight of 
sweaty tits and clasping thighs. Arthur too lost his footing. He went down upon 
the ground carrying five wenches with him.

But as the three engaged in carnal combat with the enchantresses, five rebel 
knights massed their troops across the river.

These are the leaders, these be the numbers of their forces: King Cole of Nat 
brought with him five thousand mounted men; King Kong of the Island had eight 
thousand footsoldiers and a thousand men mounted and stuffed; the Duke of Earl 
promised six thousand, but had forgotten them at home; King Ralph promised to 
heave yet another five thousand into battle; the lord known only as The King, 
furnished five footmen in addition to a stout fellow named Floyd, whom The King 
called 'the Colonel'.

The Duke pushed his steed to the top of hill. Looking down, he espied the Kink 
and the two loyal retainers busy in their Herculean labor. He cried to his 
companions "Look! Yon is our dreaded enemy Kink Arthur and two of his loyal 
retainers, busy in their Herculean effort."

"Looks like fuckery, pure and simple, to me," King Ralph said when he rode up.

"Let us sneak upon them like small rodents stalking a piece of cheese at three 
in the morning," King Cole said.

It was agreed, and the five rebel lords sneakily and craftily and with little 
forethought brought their men through the woods.

Many men stumbled through those woods, and it happened that several stumbled 
across a peasant and his son out doing whatever it may be that peasants and sons 
do in the woods.

"Ho," said the peasant. "Whatever are you doing?"

"We are sneakily and craftily wending our way through the woods to sneak up on 
Kink Arthur. Once there we will beset him and cut short his rein by a few 
years," the men said. "Promise not to tell anyone?"

The peasant swore to keep the secret. But when the men left, the peasant looked 
to his son and said, "We must make like a priest and bugger off to tell someone 
of authority of this most heinous crime."

They chanced upon a hunting party of Sir Maltliquor, Sir Prise, Sir Tainly and 
Sir Asshit.

"You had best go to the defense of your lord, for as we speak, men wend their 
way through the woods to slay Kink Arthur, who is oblivious since he is busy 
boffing bawdy bimbos," the peasant said.

"This peeves me greatly," Sir Maltliquor said. His hunting companions agreed, 
and they rode off to do battle with the offending foes.

Meanwhile, Kink Arthur was fully absorbed in both his tasks and the maidens. He 
was unable to hear the approaching hooves due to the girlishly chubby thighs 
clenching about his ears. Nor was he able to move his right hand, for it was 
busy diddling a dainty maiden's sweaty clit. Nor was he able to move his left 
hand, for it was busy caressing the rear postern of another lovely lass. Nor was 
he able to move his lower torso, as it was trapped beneath the quivering loins 
of yet another wanton wench. Nor was he able to move his legs, for two more 
doxies contented themselves by placing their bubbies betwixt his twiddling toes.

In short, Kink Arthur was in Paradise.

Even Whirlwin was caught short, though he himself felt quite long as he thrust 
himself down the gulping gullet of his own wanton witch whilst his tongue 
tickled her cavern of delight.

The five rebel knights jumped from their horses and drew their swords.

"Ah ha!" cried the Duke of Earl. "Now we have you!"

"Damn! And to think I haven't even spilt my milt yet," Kink Arthur rued as he 
attempted to extricate himself from the lascivious embraces of the 
enchantresses.

"I shall shave you!" cried Sir Fuckemmore, who took two steps before walking 
straight into the ground and succumbing to exhaustion.

"See sire! It is the curse of the Lady of the Fake Orgasm!" Whirlwin cried after 
regaining the use of his tongue.

"I could do with a little less crying and a little more fighting," Kink Arthur 
said. With that he stood, shedding horny maidens left and right like the sun 
spreading rays in the morning. He gave a mighty shout as he drew the legendary 
sword Sexcaliber.

The five rebel knights surrounded the Kink, and he was sore pressed for he had 
already been pressed till he was sore.

Whirlwin too was beset by the legions of the Lady of the Fake Orgasm, each 
claiming that he was indeed the best ever.

There followed much feinting and fighting and smoting and smiting. Kink Arthur 
wielded his mighty sword vigorously, like a pederast ill-using a catamite. In 
fact, since the noble Kink had not had sufficient time to affix his trou, 
Sexcaliber was not the only weapon Arthur displayed. He thrust, prodded and 
manhandled both weapons with great aplomb. Yet still was he pushed back till he 
was at the water's edge.

"Yield, Arthur, or die!" King Kong cried.

"I am not destined to die by this nameless lake with my trousers round my 
ankles," Kink Arthur responded. "'Twould not be seemly."

Arthur fought on despite the bleakness of his situation.

But then came the sounds of beating hooves, and the attacking host looked round 
in confusion. Into the melee rode the proud Sir Maltliquor and Sir Asshit.

The ensuing fray was cause for much fighting, acts of random violence and 
senseless brutal slaying. In general, a bloody good time was had by all.

Sir Maltliquor slew twelve and twenty thousand; Sir Asshit slew The King and 
eighty thousand of his host; King Cole slew fifty thousand; Sir Tainly slew ten 
and eighty million; Sir Prise slew ninety hundred; the Duke of Earl slew 
eighty-nine and a third; Sir Cumcision le Bris slew nine and twenty hundred 
before succumbing to wounds. 

(Much later when all had been said and done, Whirlwin tallied the figures and 
proclaimed that more had been said then done. For his tally revealed that the 
brave and noble knights had slain the population of the entire earth twicefold, 
were their accounts to be believed. Upon learning this, the knights did revise 
their bodycounts: Sir Maltliquor slew three knaves and a mule; Sir Asshit slew 
an infantryman and would have slain more were it not for a bad back; King Cole 
slew five chipmunks; Sir Tainly slew ten or eleven peasants who did look 
suspicious; Sir Prise could have sworn he slew ninety, but maybe it was less; 
Sir Cumcision le Bris, in performing a clever circular parry, had slipped and 
grievously wounded himself in the groin.)

Still the fighting continued with the clang and cries of men and arms reaching 
deep into the heavens, whereupon it came to the attention of the Goddess of 
Lust. Being of a lascivious disposition, the Goddess was naturally attracted by 
the sounds of grunting and the tang of manly sweat.

She approached the field of battle and became enamored by the sight of virile 
men waving about long phallic objects which they used to smite each other across 
the head. Thus She became aroused.

And as Her appetite grew, Her lips which did not speak engorged, and Her inner 
core did heat until it grew molten and the liquors of love dripped betwixt Her 
thighs, bedewing the grass.

The heavenly tang of this arousal mixed with the gentle breezes which caressed 
the battling knights, subtly tickling their noses. Slowly each knight became 
aware of the heavenly essence wafting round their nostrils. As they did, each 
doffed their helms, looked at their brethren knights with silly, vapid grins, 
and said "Hey! There be ladies present!"

Their gazes affixed upon the golden tressed damsel clad in a blue silk garment 
which covered Her slinky arms and throat, leaving Her bubbies displayed like two 
rose crested mountains awaiting climbers. Her loins were also displayed below a 
simple girdle of gold chain. Her attire left nothing to the imagination, yet did 
also enflame it.

Such was the nature of the Goddess of Lust. And thus was the melee by the pond 
with no name quelled by Her power.

In honor of this miraculous achievement Kink Arthur did proclaim a tourney. 
Tents were struck and the ground prepared. A royal viewing stand was erected for 
the Kink and his men at arms. But when all had been done, it was found that 
their preparations had been at fault for there were an insufficient number of 
chairs.

"Oh good Kink Arthur!" the Goddess said. "How shall I find respite from standing 
when I have no seat?"

"Milady, as long as men have faces you shall always have a place to sit."

So saying the Kink nobly lay upon the ground. The Goddess took Her place atop 
his royal countenance and was much pleased. Nor was the Kink the only mortal to 
receive the Goddess' favor, for She in turn bestrode Sir Maltliquor, Sir 
Cumspect, Sir Asshit, Sir Maltliquor, King Kong, and again Sir Maltliquor for 
his bushy mustache did please Her so. Each man nearly drowned with the Goddess' 
spendings, yet none did complain.

Whilst the Goddess did sport the knights readied themselves for the games by 
couching their spears and dressing their shields. And when they rushed forward 
to joust, not a blessed thing happened, as their shields lay upon those couches. 
And many did laugh at the others gaily dressed shield. But all were agreed that 
that most dreaded knight Sir Cumcision had made a most egregious fashion blunder 
when he dressed his shield.

The Goddess was much pleased by these festivities. To show Her pleasure She 
called forth all the men to leave them with this parting thought: "Be not so 
quick to anger, dear men, for fucking is far better than fighting."

And with that She wove arcane magicks in the air. These spells did titillate the 
crowd until all present spurted forth a sea of sticky white issue which left 
them drained yet happy. All swore fealty to the Goddess of Lust from that day 
forth.

Thus did the Goddess bring piece of ass to mankind. May we all follow Her lead. 

Amen.

shadowloup@aol.com