Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Author: this guy
Title: The Do's and Don'ts of Being a Cool Kid
Summary: Satirical advice for kids who want to be cool...
Keywords: humor
Date: 2_27_2017

   Disclaimer: This is a sexual fantasy.  The author does not advocate or
participate in underage sexual activities.  If you are offended by
pornography, for God's sake stop reading internet porn, you idiot.  If you
are underage and interested in sex, welcome to the human race.  This is a
fantasy, without consequences.  Real sex has consequences like pregnancy
(duh!), disease, and emotional devastation.  Don't ever let anybody talk
you into doing something you aren't ready for.  When you are old enough to
be ready, relish every minute.  But right now, get outta here, kid!  You
trying to get me in trouble?

   ➡️A better version of this story is available at The
Horniest Place on Earth web site (hosted by ASSTR).  It contains links to
related material and illustrations that aren't in this version.  Paste this
URL into your browser to go there:
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;

   ---

   Tween Magazine The Do's and Don'ts of Being a Cool Kid by `this guy'

   In these days of constant connectivity and instantaneous updates the
social hierarchy is more prevalent than ever on the schoolyard.  The kids
who are at the bottom of the heap are the ones who get bullied...become
junkies...and even commit suicide: Nobody wants to be one of those kids!

   If any of the following describes you, you can stop reading now as you
don't have anything to worry about!

   * The smartest kid in your entire grade,

   * One of the five best athletes in your entire grade,

   * A major celebrity in your own right,

   * Have a last name that is a common term for a sex act Otherwise, read
on, follow this advice and you'll be moving up the social ladder in no
time.

   There are many activities that all kids, regardless of their position in
the social hierarchy, participate in.  Kids are not judged on whether or
not they participate in these activities; but rather, on how they execute
these activities.  Such activities include:

   * Riding a bicycle

   * Riding a skateboard

   * Sexting

   * Viewing pornography

   * Masturbating

   * Having sex The vast majority of cool kids participate in some
combination of the following activities;

   * Smoking cigarettes

   * Drinking alcohol more than three times each and every week

   * Making themselves puke (frequently as a participant of a "puke party")

   * Sneaking out after bedtime The vast majority of cool kids
differentiate themselves from those at the bottom of the social hierarchy
by executing the following activities in these ways:

   * When riding a bicycle or skateboard; they keep their eyes closed

   * When riding a bicycle or skateboard; they don't wear a helmet

   * When sexting; they show their face in any nude pics they send out

   * When sexting; they forward hot pictures they've received to their
friends

   * When sexting; they post juicy pics and vids on social media

   * When viewing pornography; they are in the company of the opposite sex

   * When masturbating; they don't try to hide with they are doing

   * When masturbating; they have no problem being in full view of family,
friends, or strangers

   * When masturbating; they encourage any younger kids who might be nearby
to watch them

   * When having sex; they don't use condoms

   * When having sex; they have multiple partners (frequently as a
participant of a "sex party" or "rainbow party")

   * When having sex; they don't limit themselves to people they already
know Un-cool kids, the ones who are at the very bottom of the social
hierarchy, participate in some combination the following activities (so it
is best to avoid doing them ever, if at all possible);

   * Wearing underwear

   * Wearing socks

   * Take virginity pledges

   * Attend religious services

   * Eating breakfast

   ➡️A better version of this story is available at The
Horniest Place on Earth web site (hosted by ASSTR).  It contains links to
related material and illustrations that aren't in this version.  Paste this
URL into your browser to go there:
🔴/files/Authors/Sephy/www/index.html🔴

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