Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. Author: this guy Title: Tween Magazine Summary: Bizarre products reviewed by Tween Magazine Keywords: Tweens, Tweenage Magazine Date: 12_31_2016 Disclaimer: This is a sexual fantasy. The author does not advocate or participate in underage sexual activities. If you are offended by pornography, for God's sake stop reading internet porn, you idiot. If you are underage and interested in sex, welcome to the human race. This is a fantasy, without consequences. Real sex has consequences like pregnancy (duh!), disease, and emotional devastation. Don't ever let anybody talk you into doing something you aren't ready for. When you are old enough to be ready, relish every minute. But right now, get outta here, kid! You trying to get me in trouble? 👄👅The HORNIEST PLACE ON EARTH👄👅 is proud to present ❤️LOVING DAUGHTERS❤️, a highly X rated board game for 1 to 6 player. Now you can explore the HPoE for yourself, writing your own story in the same world you've enjoyed reading about. Guide young teenage Girls through the pitfalls of adolescence, helping transform them from innocent angels to horny sluts. Download it from the HPoE. Like everything else there, it's free: 🔴/files/Authors/sevispac/www/index.html🔴 ; --- Tween Magazine I Can't Believe They Actually MADE That! by `this guy' As you already know, we at Tween Magazine believe that for a tweenager to be happy and healthy, a tweenager must be well informed. Our new products correspondent, C. Remy Pii has been testing out new, exciting and sometimes unusual products for years. Some of our readers have brought a number of downright bizarre products they've found on the internet to our attention recently. Here's how they stack-up. Shoot-through Penis Extender Condoms What it is: Basically it's a fairly standard condom, except the tip is an inch thick and has a hole all the way through it. How it works: Like a regular condom, except using one won't prevent pregnancy. Cool facts: There's a version available where the hole is lined in a moisture reactive dye that will make the cum shot through it red, blue, orange, or green. Why would anyone buy it: It effectively makes a guy's penis longer...enough said. Our rating: Two thumbs up: does the job its intended to quite well... Rocking Horse Fucking Machine What it is: Think of an old-fashion child's rocking-horse: a somewhat crude wooden horse with curved wood rails attached to the horse's hooves. Protruding through a hole in the horse's "saddle" is a dildo attached to the tail (which is always in the same position relative to the floor) with a counter-balance mechanism. How it works: The heavy tail remains in the same position relative to the floor regardless of the horse being rocked forward or backwards. This in turn moves the dildo up-and-down through the hole on the saddle. Cool facts: It is available in four colors (gray, black, white, and brown) with dildos of different lengths. Why would anyone buy it: Since it is sized for a young (four to seven year old) child we can't imagine why anyone would. Our rating: ?: we can figure out why they made it. WATERPROOF BOXERS WITH FUNNEL AND URINE FLASK What it is: Men's boxer-short underwear made of neoprene with elastic leg-bands; a small funnel in the crotch connected to a plastic flask with a flexible plastic hose... How it works: The wearer can urinate whenever and wherever they are: the urine will simply drain out of the shorts through the funnel, flow down the tube into the flask which is supposed to be worn on a leg. Cool facts: It is available in three colors (black, white, and red) and works effectively for both males and females. Why would anyone buy it: It is meant for old people with bladder control issues. Our rating: Two thumbs up: does what is supposed to do flawlessly. SKY-HIGH HEELS 22-INCH STILETTO What it is: Essentially a pair of "conventional" high-heel shoes with a 22" tall stiletto heel and a 17" high platform toe. How it works: Like any other high-heel shoe. Cool facts: It is available in black patent leather only, in sizes ranging from 2-1/2 to 17. Why would anyone buy it: They make an interesting conversation piece? Other than that we're not sure. Our rating: If you want to actually walk in them: two (middle) fingers up: it isn't possible. If you just want an interesting sculpture: one thumb up: interesting, but too odd. SILICONE BABY-BUMP IMPLANT What it is: A huge surgical pouch filled with silicone jelly: think giant breast implant, intended to make a woman look pregnant. How it works: Surgically implanted under the skin of the belly it makes a woman look pregnant. Cool facts: It is available in multiple sizes. Why would anyone buy it: We can't even begin to imagine... Our rating: ?: we can't figure out why they made it. CHILDREN'S GLOW-IN-THE-DARK UNDERWEAR What it is: Fairly conventional children's underwear, except eh fabric glows in the dark. How it works: The fabric is coated with glow-in-the-dark dyes/chemicals. Cool facts: It is available in all children's sizes for both girls and boys. Why would anyone buy it: To sooth kids who are afraid of the dark? Our rating: Two thumbs up: does what is supposed to. LOLITA EXCRETION CONTROL BELT What it is: It's essentially a chastity belt. How it works: The wearer can urinate whenever and wherever they are: the urine will simply drain out of the shorts through the funnel, flow down the tube into the flask which is supposed to be worn on a leg. Cool facts: It is available in three colors (black, white, and red) and works effectively for both males and females. Why would anyone buy it: The manufacturer claims it purpose is to prevent tweenage girls growing up in rape-centric cultures from being raped. Our rating: Two (middle) fingers up: while it doesn't allow access to the vagina or anus without a key, it completely prevents the wearer from being able to relieve herself. There were a number of other products which we decided not to review (mostly because of their stated intended uses, including: a cervix stretcher, a creampie plug, and others too bizarre to mention. Another article from Tween Magazine, Ask Anita Cock - A Tween Advice Column * Author's note: to the best of "this guy" (the author)'s none of these products actually exist. ➡️A better version of this story is available at The Horniest Place on Earth web site (hosted by ASSTR). It contains links to related material and illustrations that aren't in this version. Paste this URL into your browser to go there: 🔴/files/Authors/Sephy/www/index.html🔴