Archive name: Hairy Peeter and the Philosopher's Bone - Chapter 9.txt Authors name: SensualKink (senskin@gmail.com) Story Title: HP 1 - Ch 9 ------------------------------------------------------------ This is a work of parody. There is no intention to infringe on any copyright owners. Please don't remove the author information or make any changes to this story. You may post freely to non-commercial "free" sites, or in the "free" area of commercial sites. Thank you for your consideration. ------------------------------------------------------------ Hairy Peeter and the Philosopher's Bone - Chapter 9 (ped, inc, cons, size, cum eating) By SensualKink (senskin@gmail.com) The Midnight Duet Hairy had never believed he would meet a boy he hated and simultaneously wanted to be fucked by more than Didley, but that was before he met DorcoMilftoy. Still, first-year Gryffindongs only had Potions with the Slitherings, so they didn’t have to put up with Milftoy much. Or at least, they didn’t until they spotted a notice pinned up in the Gryffindong common room that made them all groan. Flying lessons would be starting on Thursday — and Gryffindong and Slithering would be learning together. “That’s fucking typical,” said Hairy darkly. “Just what I always wanted. To make a fool of myself on a broomstick in front of Milftoy.” Much as he hated Milftoy, he couldn’t shake the desire to be looked on favorably by the boy. He had been looking forward to learning to fly more than he’d been anticipating all the cock he’d get to suck at Hogfarts. “You don’t know that you’ll make a fool of yourself,” said Rim said comfortingly, reaching over the stroke Hairy’s package. “Anyway, I know Milftoy’s always going on about how good he is at Quimmitch, but I bet he’s full of shit.” Hairy looked around to make sure no one was watching, then lifted his shirt so Rim could stroke the top of his huge cock which was now sticking up above his waistband. Rim cooed softly and rubbed precum all over Hairy’s head, making his cock throb and seep ever more liquid. Milftoy certainly did talk about flying a lot. Almost as much as he talked about buttfucking. He complained loudly about first years never getting on the House Quimmitch teams and told long, boastful stories that always seemed to end with him narrowly escaping Mufflestrying to gang rape him. He wasn’t the only one, though: the way SemenFunnigan told it, he’d spent most of his childhood zooming around the countryside on his broomstick. Even Rim would tell anyone who’d listen about the time he’d almost hit a hang glider on Chortle’s old broom. Everyone from jizzarding families talked about Quimmitch constantly. Rim had already had a big argument with Dean Thomass, who shared their dormitory, about soccer. Rim couldn’t see what was exciting about a game with only one ball where no one was allowed to fly. Hairy had caught Rim prodding Dean’s poster of West Ham soccer team, trying to make the players turn around so he could see their scantily clad asses. Nubile had never been on a broomstick in his life, because his grandmother had never let him near one. Privately, Hairy felt she’d had good reason, because Nubile managed to have an extraordinary number of accidents that usually resulted with something up his ass. HymenieGangbanger was almost as nervous about flying as Nubile was. This was something you couldn’t learn by heart out of a book — not that she hadn’t tried. At breakfast on Thursday she bored them all stupid with flying tips she’d gotten out of a library book called Quimmitch Through the Ages. Nubile was hanging on to her every word, desperate for anything that might help him hang on to his broomstick later, but everybody else was very pleased when Hymenie’s lecture was interrupted by the arrival of the mail. Hairy hadn’t had a single letter since Hogrod’s note, something that Milftoy had been quick to notice, of course. Milftoy’s eagle owl was always bringing him packages of sweets made from his mother’s cum from home, which he opened gloatingly at the Slithering table. A barn owl brought Nubile a small package from his grandmother. He opened it excitedly and showed them a glass ball the size of a large testical, which seemed to be full of white, pearly cum. “It’s a Ream-me-ball!” he explained. “Gran knows I forget things — this flies up your ass and fucks you if there’s something you’ve forgotten to do. Look, you hold it tight like this and if it turns red — oh …” His face fell, because the Ream-me-ball had suddenly glowed scarlet, “… you’ve forgotten something …” Quick as a shot, the ball whipped out of Nubile’s hand and raced over his head and down his back. Nubile squealed with surprise as the ball zipped under his robes and smacked into his tight sphincter with a loud plop. Nubile’s knuckled were white as he gripped the table and his whole body lurched up and down as the ball stroked itself in and out of his rectum. Nubile lifted his robes and let his plump, white ass hang free over the edge of the bench. Rim and Hairy were both jealous and aroused watching the glowing red sphere whip in and out of his hairless asshole. Nubile was trying hard to ignore the pleasure he was feeling and to remember what he’d forgotten when DorcoMilftoy, who was passing the Gryffindong table, snatched the Ream-me-ball out of the air as it exited Nubile’s butt on one back stroke. Hairy and Rim jumped to their feet. They were half hoping for a reason to fight Milftoy, but Professor McGulpitall, who could spot trouble quicker than any teacher in the school, was there in a flash. “What the fuck is going on?” she snapped, her robes swaying around so that her smallish, saggy tits were visible. “Milftoy’s got my Ream-me-ball, Professor,” Nubile moaned, arching his back and obviously longing for the anal penetration to continue. Scowling, Milftoy quickly dropped the shit-stained Ream-me-ball back on the table. “Just looking,” he said wiping his fingers on Nubile’s robes. He grinned evilly and sloped away with Crabs and Gayle behind him. At three-thirty that afternoon, Hairy, Rim, and the other Gryffindongs hurried down the front steps onto the grounds for their first flying lesson. It was a clear, breezy day, and the grass rippled under their feet as they marched down the sloping lawns toward a smooth, flat lawn on the opposite side of the grounds to the forbidden forest, whose trees were swaying darkly in the distance. Many of the children giggled and frolicked, some even whipping their robes off to scamper about naked for a few minutes. The Slitherings were already there, and so were twenty broomsticks lying in neat lines on the ground. Hairy had heard Frod and GorgeWussley complain about the school brooms, saying that some of them ceased to vibrate if you flew too high, or always flew slightly to the left. Their teacher, Madam Cooch, arrived. She had short, gray hair, and yellow eyes like a hawk. Her tits were magnificent and threatened to burst the buttons on her robe. Hairy could also see a neatly trimmed landing strip of graying pubic hair just above her scantily-thonged crotch. “Well, what the fuck are you all waiting for?” she barked. “Everyone stand by a broomstick. Come on, hurry up.” Hairy glanced down at his broom. It was old and some of the twigs stuck out at odd angles. He was especially nervous about the cock-shaped protrusion called the Spit that was inserted up his ass when he rode it. He couldn’t imagine how painful a splinter in the rectum would be. “Stick out your right hand over your broom,” called Madam Cooch at the front. She stood with her legs spread and Hairy found himself getting aroused at how thick and luscious her thighs were. “And say ‘Up!’ ” “UP!” everyone shouted. Hairy’s broom jumped into his hand at once, but it was one of the few that did. HymenieGangbanger’s had simply rolled over on the ground and the Spit increased in length and girth before her wide eyes. Nubile’s hadn’t moved at all. Perhaps brooms, like horses, could tell when you were afraid, thought Hairy; there was a quaver in Nubile’s voice that said only too clearly that he wanted to keep his feet on the ground. Madam Cooch then showed them how to mount their brooms. This necessitated her whipping her robes over one hip and pulling her thong aside. Hairy felt his mouth water when he got a good look at her ample ass cheeks. She then squatted so everyone had a perfect view of her glistening pink asshole and smoothly inserted her Spit firmly up her ass. She then walked up and down the rows correcting their grips and manhandling Spits up particularly tight asses. Hairy and Rim were delighted when she told Milftoy he’d been riding a broom with a child-sized Spit for years. “Now, when I extract my Spit and blow this fart I’ve been saving, you kick off from the ground, hard,” said Madam Cooch. “Keep your brooms steady, rise a few feet, and then come straight back down by leaning forward slightly so you can just feel the bottom of the Spit coming out of your ass. On my fart — three — two —” But Nubile, nervous and jumpy and frightened of being left on the ground, pushed off hard before the Spit had cleared Madam Cooch’s beautiful asshole. “Come back, you little fucker!” she shouted, but Nubile was rising straight up like a pent up cumshot out of massive dick — twelve feet — twenty feet. Hairy saw his scared white face look down at the ground falling away, saw him gasp, roll sideways and slip off the Spit and — WHAM — a thud and a nasty crack and Nubile lay facedown on the grass in a heap, his plump white ass in the air. His broomstick was still rising higher and higher, and started to drift lazily toward the forbidden forest and out of sight. Madam Cooch was bending over Nubile, her face as white as his and her shapely bare ass now jutting into the air as well. She reached underneath him and slid her hand between his legs. “Broken cock,” Hairy heard her mutter. “Come on, boy — it’s all right, up you get.” She turned to the rest of the class. “None of you is to move while I take this boy to the hospital wing! You leave those brooms where they are or you’ll be out of Hogfarts before you can say ‘Quimmitch.’ Come on, dear.” She held Nubile’s bent penis gently in her fingers and led him away. Nubile, his face tear-streaked, clutching her wrist, hobbled off with Madam Cooch, who had her other arm around him and was squeezing his ass cheeks. No sooner were they out of earshot than Milftoy burst into laughter. “Did you see his dick, the great lump?” The other Slitherings joined in. “Shut the fuck up, Milftoy,” snapped PervertiPetal. “Ooh, sticking up for Longbottom?” said PissyPorkinson, a hard-faced Slithering girl. “Never thought you’d like fat little crybabies, Perverti.” “Look!” said Milftoy, darting forward and snatching something out of the grass. “It’s that stupid thing Longbottom’s gran sent him.” The Ream-me-ball glittered like a magical ball of semen in the sun as he held it up. “Give that here, Milftoy,” said Hairy quietly. Everyone stopped talking to watch. Milftoy smiled nastily and rubbed the Ream-me-ball up and down in his ass crack. “I think I’ll leave it somewhere for Longbottom to find — how about — up a tree?” “Give it here!” Hairy yelled, but Milftoy had leapt onto his broomstick and taken off. He hadn’t been lying, he could fly well. And Hairy couldn’t get the image of the Spit slipping into Milftoy’s ass out of his mind. Hovering level with the topmost branches of an oak he called, “Come and get it, puss-wad!” Hairy grabbed his broom and sat gingerly on the wooden Spit. “No!” shouted HymenieGangbanger. She went to grab Hairy’s broom and her dainty little hand accidentally grabbed his scantily clad genitals. “Madam Cooch told us not to move — you’ll get us all into trouble.” Hairy ignored her and the thrill her touch had given him. Blood was pounding in his ears and filling his enormous cock. He kicked hard against the ground and up, up he soared; air rushed through his hair, and his robes whipped out behind him — and in a rush of fierce joy he realized he’d found something he could do without being taught — this was easy, this was wonderful. He pulled his broomstick up a little to take it even higher, and heard screams and gasps of girls back on the ground and an admiring whoop from Rim. He turned his broomstick sharply to face Milftoy in midair. Milftoy looked stunned. “Give it here,” Hairy called, “or I’ll knock you off that broom and fuck you with it!” “Oh, yeah?” said Milftoy, trying to sneer, but looking worried. Hairy knew, somehow, what to do. He leaned forward and grasped the broom tightly in both hands, and it shot toward Milftoy like a javelin. Milftoy only just got out of the way in time; Hairy made a sharp about-face and held the broom steady. A few people below were clapping. “No Crabs and Gayle up here to save your tiny dick, Milftoy,” Hairy called. The same thought seemed to have struck Milftoy. “Catch it if you can, then!” he shouted, and he threw the glass ball high into the air and streaked back toward the ground. Hairy saw, as though in slow motion, the ball rise up in the air and then start to fall. He leaned forward and pointed his broom handle down — next second he was gathering speed in a steep dive, racing the ball — wind whistled in his ears, mingled with the screams of people watching — he stretched out his hand — a foot from the ground he caught it, just in time to pull his broom straight, and he toppled gently onto the grass with the Ream-me-ball clutched safely in his fist. “HAIRY PEETER!” His heart sank faster than his blood pressure when his gigantic cock filled with blood. Professor McGulpitall was running toward them, saggy tits flopping around. He got to his feet, trembling with unexplained lust for the older woman. “Never — in all my time at Hogfarts —” Professor McGulpitall was almost speechless with shock, and her glasses flashed furiously, “— how dare you — might have broken that beautiful cock —” Hairy was quite embarrassed as she yanked him to his feet and jammed her hand into the genital pouch of his thong immediately arousing his huge penis. “It wasn’t his fault, Professor —” Perverti moved closer eyeing Hairy’s crotch as McGulpitall fondled his big balls behind the excuse of checking to see that he was alright. “Shut your slut mouth, Miss Petal —” “But Milftoy —” “That’s enough, Mr. Wussley. Peeter, follow me, now.” Hairy caught sight of Milftoy, Crabs, and Gayle’s triumphant faces as he left, walking numbly in Professor McGulpitall’s wake as she strode toward the castle. She still had her fingers gripping his growing cock, pulling him along behind like a child. He was going to be expelled, he just knew it. He wanted to say something to defend himself, but there seemed to be something wrong with his voice. Professor McGulpitall was sweeping along without even looking at him; he had to jog to keep up with her surprisingly shapely ass. Now he’d done it. He hadn’t even lasted two weeks. He’d be packing his bags in ten minutes. What would the Droolsleys say when he turned up on the doorstep? Up the front steps, up the marble staircase inside, and still Professor McGulpitall didn’t say a word to him. By this time, Hairy’s cock was throbbing in her grip. She wrenched open doors and marched along corridors with Hairy trotting miserably behind her. Maybe she was taking him to Dribbledong. He thought of Hogrod, expelled but allowed to stay on as gamekeeper. Perhaps he could be Hogrod’s assistant. His stomach twisted as he imagined it, watching Rim and the others becoming jizzards while he stumped around the grounds carrying Hogrod’s bag and being used like a slut. Professor McGulpitall stopped outside a classroom. She opened the door and poked her head inside. “Excuse me, Professor Flutewhack, could I borrow Wood for a moment?” Wood? thought Hairy, bewildered; was Wood a dildo she was going to use on him? But Wood turned out to be a person, a burly fifth-year boy who came out of Flutewhack’s class looking confused. “Follow me, you two,” said Professor McGulpitall, and they marched on up the corridor, Wood looking unabashedly interested in Hairy’s big cock. “In here.” Professor McGulpitall pointed them into a classroom that was empty except for Pees, who was Abusy drawing water sports pictures on the blackboard. “Out, Pees!” she barked. Pees threw the chalk into a bin, which clanged loudly, and he swooped out cursing. Professor McGulpitall slammed the door behind him and turned to face the two boys. She still gripped Hairy’s huge cock and was now gently stroking it up and down. “Peeter, this is Ilove Wood. Wood — I’ve found you a Squeaker.” Wood’s expression changed from puzzlement to delight. “Are you fucking serious, Professor?” The large boy grinned down at Hairy and began to rub the growing bulge in his pants without any concern for the presence of a teacher. “Abso-fucking-lutely,” said Professor McGulpitall crisply. “The boy’s a natural. I’ve never seen anything like it. Was that your first time on a broomstick, Peeter?” She moved very close to Hairy and looked down at him severely. At the same time, her other hand slid between his legs to heft his weighty balls and roll them around in her thin fingers. Hairy nodded silently. He didn’t have a clue what was going on, but it didn’t look like he was going to be expelled, and some of the feeling started coming back to his legs. He also didn’t feel as embarrassed to have his enormous, stiff cock displayed to both of them. In fact, he was kind of enjoying it. “He caught that thing in his hand after a fifty-foot dive,” Professor McGulpitall told Wood. “Didn’t even scratch himself. Chortle Wussley couldn’t have done it.” Wood was now looking as though all his dreams had come true at once. Ilove undid his trousers and let them drop to the floor. His cock wasn’t very long but it was big and fat a juicy. His hairy balls were almost as big as Hairy’s. McGulpitall smiled warmly at Hairy as his cock throbbed at the sight of this stranger’s genitalia. “Ever seen a game of Quimmitch, Peeter?” he asked excitedly, stroking his fat piece of meat and sidling up behind Hairy. “Wood’s captain of the Gryffindong team,” Professor McGulpitall explained. She shrugged her robes off her shoulders and stood before him with nothing on but a thong and knee-high leather boots. And that ridiculous pointy hat on her head. Hairy felt his cock pulsing quickly as he drank in the sight of her mostly-naked body. Even though they were small and saggy, he desperately wanted to suck her hard nipples. “He’s just the build for a Squeaker, too,” said Wood, now walking around Hairy and staring at him. “Light — speedy — we’ll have to get him a decent broom, Professor — a Numbnuts Two Thousand or a Cumsweep Seven, I’d say.” Hairy jumped when Ilove lifted his robes and began to squeeze and caress his soft ass cheeks. “And what a sweet ass!” “I shall speak to Professor Dribbledong and see if we can’t bend the first-year rule. Heaven knows, we need a better team than last year. Flattened in that last match by Slithering, I had to take Severus Snip’s loads in the face for weeks. …” Professor McGulpitall peered sternly over her glasses at Hairy. She gripped his cock firmly and smirked when Ilove pulled his thong down and began to tickle his butt hole with a finger. “One thing you should know though, Hairy.” “Um..what’s that?” Hairy asked, unconsciously arching his back and presenting his bare ass to the older boy behind him. “As captain of the team, Ilove can demand any sexual favor he wants from you at any time. I want to hear you’re training hard and pleasing Ilove, Peeter, or I may change my mind about punishing you.” Then she suddenly smiled and sank to her knees. “Your father would have been proud,” she said. “He was an excellent Quimmitch player himself. And he had a big cock every bit as delicious as this one.” McGulpitall reached back into her robes on the floor and extracted a vial. She reached up and handed it to Ilove. “Here. Essence of Centaur semen. Lube him up with that.” Hairy jumped as Ilove pulled his ass cheeks apart and dripped some of the liquid onto Hairy’s anus. Immediately his sphincter began to pulse and wink. “Uhhhhh….” Ilove groaned. “What a beautiful asshole he’s got!” Hairy looked back to see the larger boy holding his ass cheeks spread apart with a dreamy smile on his face. His fat cock was jumping up and down excitedly dripping sweet nectar that dappled Hairy’s white cheeks. Hairy turned back to McGulpitall, earnestly hoping she was on her knees because she was going to suck him off. The school’s rule against unauthorized orgasms was killing him and he desperately needed to cum. She looked up at him knowingly and all the austere authority returned. Hairy suddenly felt ashamed to think this powerful woman would want anything to do with sucking off a little boy like him. “So, Peeter,” she said, hefting his aching balls again and stroking his cock so tenderly. “If you agree, then Ilove is going to fuck you in the ass to seal the deal. If not…” “I will!” Hairy blurted. He turned back to Ilove, working his sphincter now and flexing his ass muscles. “Fuck me, Ilove. Fuck me with that fat cock now.” Hairy turned back to find McGulpitall smiling up at him almost lovingly. She abruptly stood and backed away. “Alright Peeter. On your hands and knees.” She backed up to a desk and inched her ass onto it. Hairy got down on his hands and knees and looked up to see the professor rubbing her fingers in circles over the small patch of satiny cloth that hid her pussy from view. She had her lithe legs spread wide and was biting her lip with lust as Ilove bent to kiss and lick all over Hairy’s pert butt cheeks. “That’s it, Ilove!” she hissed. “Fuck his tight little ass and show him who’s in charge!” Hairy’s poor cock was aching and throbbing as it hung down below him. But for now, all he could focus on was McGulpitall’s camel toe and the feeling of Ilove tickling his anus with a warm, talented tongue. “Mmmmm! I’m going to enjoy this, Peeter!” Wood groaned. Then he straightened up and moved forward until his big, fat cock was nestled in Hairy’s butt crack. “And I think he will too,” McGulpitall grinned. She pulled the cloth aside and Hairy got his first look at her big, succulent pussy lips, all covered with juices and dripping in loud splats on the tiled floor. “I love watching a pretty young boy like you get his ass reamed, Peeter. It makes my pussy so wet! Would you like a taste, Hairy?” “Yes, ma’am!” Hairy panted, getting very worked up at the fat penis that was now sliding up and down his butt crack and tantalizing his aching shit hole. Hairy panted harder as Wood pressed his fat, leaking head against Hairy’s hairless hole and pushed past his rubbery sphincter muscles. McGulpitall slid off the desk and approached Hairy with her legs splayed. She gently grabbed his bangs and lifted his face up. “Here you go, Peeter. Kiss my wet pussy if you like.” And Hairy did. Her juices tasted amazing and Hairy earnestly kissed and supped at her huge cunt lips. She kept her legs bowed and lowered her pussy until it was pressed to his face. “This is quite an honor, Peeter. I normally don’t let students anywhere near my pussy. So you just make sure I don’t regret this.” Hairy tried to mumble a reply but he ended up speaking into her creamy depths as she pulled his bangs and forced her big, rubbery lips to splay apart and engulf his nose and mouth. He groaned with pleasure and slurped hot pussy cream loudly. “That’s it,” she sighed. “Stick your tongue deep inside me. That is uncharted territory for most students. Lick up all that cream I made for you. Mmmmmm! Your big fucking cock has me so horny. That and watching Wood ream your tight little boy ass!” Hairy was in momentary heaven. Not only was he going to get to play Quimmitch, but he was also guaranteed access to Wood’s fat cock. Hairy was already thinking of ways he could entice the older boy to let him suck it and take it up his tight ass as often as possible. And to top it all off, one of the scariest teachers at Hogwarts was currently riding his face. And she had called his cock ‘beautiful’. This set off all kinds of hope and wishful thinking. Just imagine being able to fuck Professor McGulpitall! Hairy felt so right there on his knees with an older boy violating his asshole. Wood’s cock was big and fat, stretching him wide. It felt so good to have a stiff penis lunging into his rectum. His huge cock was throbbing wildly as it swung back and forth under the influence of the pounding Wood was subjecting him to. Hairy jerked the first time Wood smacked his baby soft cheeks. This caused McGulpitall’s sopping pussy lips to slide up over his nose and coat his eyes and forehead with warm creaminess. She gripped his hair harder and moaned softly. “Yes! You like my pussy juice all over your face don’t you?” Hairy nodded truthfully and allowed his teacher to slide her floppy, sopping lips all over his face. She smelled so delicious and her rubbery lips felt so good sliding over his skin. “Lick my clit now, you dirty little boy!” she growled. “Suck it and lick it and make me cream your pretty face!” Hairy obliged her, finding the little nubbin and kissing it tenderly. He felt McGulpitall shudder with pleasure, gripping his hair painfully as he tickled it with his tongue. She was riding his face now, hissing and cooing, legs splayed and succulent thighs quivering. “Smack his ass again, Wood!” WHACK! Hairy grunted as fire blossomed on his right ass cheek. Wood was getting more vigorous, holding Hairy’s narrow hips and lunging into him harder and faster. Each time he plunged inside Hairy’s depths, his hairy balls slapped into Hairy’s sending additional chills through his body. Hairy wished he could touch himself but it was all he could do to hold himself up on his hands. His cock was aching with need and he could feel an enormous orgasm boiling in his balls. “Again!” McGulpitall moaned, swiveling her hips now as Hairy continued to diddle her clitoris. She was about to cum and seeing Hairy get his ass beat seemed to increase her arousal. So, Hairy did not complain as Wood repeatedly smacked his ass and called him things like ‘man-pussy’ and ‘little first-year whore’. All in all, Hairy found he liked being lusted after by Wood and he very much wanted to be responsible for making his severe, bitchy teacher cum. He felt so wanted as Wood squeezed his ass, fucked him with relish and abused him with harsh words. He felt so dirty as McGulpitall rode his face and pulled his hair. He looked up past her flopping titties and saw her mouth frozen in an ‘O’. Her eyes were wide and shrill pants escaped her. He diddled her clit faster and faster, yearning to taste her cum. Then she threw her head back and moaned loudly, clenching her ass repeatedly and swiveling her hips with each wave of ecstasy that washed over her. Hairy slid his tongue into her sopping cunt and let his nose continue to rub her clit. Then a wave of steaming hot juices coated his tongue and he moaned with pleasure. Her smell and the delicious taste of her hot cream overwhelmed him and he almost came without physical stimulation. At the same time, Wood began to grunt and pant out expletives. “Unh! Fuck yeah! Oh fuck, Peeter! Your tight little ass is going to make me cum! Oh yeah! Fuck yes! Take it! Unh! Unh! Unh!” Hairy felt Wood’s already-fat cock expand and his heart raced as he realized his ass was about to make this older, more- experienced boy cum. He did his best to work his sphincter and increase Wood’s pleasure. Wood lunged into him with his whole body, smacking Hairy’s cheeks and squeezing them over and over. Finally, he gripped Hairy’s white butt and lunged in and out of him faster and harder than ever. Hairy slurped hot cream, relishing the taste and slimy feel of McGulpitall’s fiery, musky cum. Wood exploded inside Hairy’s rectum, splashing a huge load of thick jism inside his shit tube. Hairy whimpered like a little girl as he felt the boy’s fat cock jerk and throb inside him, spewing out his hot semen in gush after gush. When it was over, Wood petted Hairy’s reddened cheeks lovingly and stroked his penis slowly in and out of Hairy’s gaping pink asshole. McGulpitall backed away giving Hairy a wonderful view of her splayed, pink lips which were literally dripping with juices. He hung his head with exhaustion, neck aching. There below him was his own aching cock, swinging around and pulsing with need. Behind that, he could see huge dollops of thick, pearlescent ball cream oozing from his ass, cascading down his huge balls and splatting onto the tile floor loudly. He reached a trembling hand back to catch some of it and then lifted it to his mouth. “You dirty little fucker!” McGulpitall hissed, rubbing her big, creamy lips and eyeing him intensely. She still stood before him with her knees splayed. Hairy could see the curved flesh of her ass cheeks behind her cunt and found himself wishing she’d make him eat her ass. He eagerly slurped up Wood’s thick jizz from his palm and fingers and smiled at McGulpitall. “You have no idea.” His cock was throbbing rapidly as the delicious taste and smell of Wood’s sperm filled his senses. Wood extracted his deflating penis and a thick, wet fart exploded from Hairy’s ravaged ass. He reached back to cup his hand and catch as much of the gooey avalanche as he could. Wood rubbed his head all up and down Hairy’s crack as his huge load continued to spill out of Hairy’s gaping rosette. “You like eating my cream, Peeter?” he asked gruffly. “Well, that’s a good thing because you’re sure going to be eating plenty of it from now on.” Wood wiped his slimy cock all over Hairy’s pristine, pale cheeks then quickly tucked his cock away and left with nothing more than a promise to make Hairy glad he’d decided to join the team. “You’ve done well Mr. Peeter. So well, in fact, that I think you’ve earned a little relief for that big, fat cock of yours.” Hairy looked up at McGulpitall and swallowed the cum-flavored spit that suddenly filled his mouth with anticipation. “Stand up!” she barked and Hairy climbed to his shaky knees. Ilove had really fucked him good. His asshole continued to spurt and sputter thick boy sperm that splattered loudly on the tile floor. He gave a push and one more plug of thick cream erupted in a flatulent mess, echoing around the room. McGulpitall rubbed her huge pussy lips furiously, eyeing his huge cock with glittering eyes and smirking at what an unabashed man-pussy slut Hairy was. He bowed his knees so she could watch the last slimy splatterings drip from his balls and ass. “You are such a dirty little slut!” she hissed, hooking two fingers and ramming them into her pussy. “Don’t go getting too excited,” she spat as Hairy eyed her succulent pussy and stroked himself. “If you help the team win this season, I might be persuaded to let you stick that monster in my pussy. But THAT is a privilege you will have to work very hard indeed to earn, young man. Come here!” Hairy moved forward, somewhat disappointed. At least McGulpitall was considering the idea, but he so wanted to slip his throbbing prick into her inviting hole. Maybe she would give him a blowjob instead. As Hairy stopped before her outstretched legs, his cock pulsed with need and he licked his lips. Her pussy was making all kinds of wet sounds and a yearning rose up inside him. Suddenly, a riding crop appeared in her free hand and she smacked him sharply on the thigh. “Silly boy! You think I’d let a snot-nosed first-year like you put your big, juicy cock in me?” Hairy rubbed his leg and grimaced. “Please? Ma’am?” She laughed at him and lifted her legs high. Hairy’s pain was forgotten and he stroked his huge cock with both hands now. She used her free hand to pull her huge lips apart. Hairy’s heart raced at the beautiful sight of her creamy, pink depths. “Get on your knees, boy, and lick my pussy again. When you’ve pleasured me sufficiently, I will allow you to jerk off on my pussy.” Hairy’s intake of breath made her raise an eyebrow. “You will not cum until I tell you, understand?” “Yes, ma’am,” he responded, voice cracking. He got on his knees and tried not to stroke his aching cock. Meanwhile his face was once again enveloped by her sopping cunt. She rode his face and instructed him, even ordering him to tongue her dainty anus for a few minutes. Hairy was in heaven. The only thing better would have been the honor of fucking her delicious pussy and filling hr with his thick goo. She used the riding crop to rub her clit as he buried his tongue in her and swirled it around as instructed until his jaw was numb. Finally, her breaths became short and shrill. He thrilled at the idea of making her cum again. “Stand up and cum on my pussy now!” she barked at him. Hairy wasted no time. He quickly stood up and began to the milk his long penis with both hands, hungry eyes riveted to her succulent pussy. She rubbed her clit furiously with her fingertips and jammed 5 inches of the riding crop into her cunt. “Do it now!” she commanded. “I’m going to cum!” Hairy moved forward and to the side so his huge, dripping head was pointed at the top of her cunt but not in the way of the riding crop she was viciously fucking herself with. In his excitement, he accidentally slid the end of his cock across her soft thigh and it pushed him over the edge. “Yes!” she hissed as Hairy threw his head back and his cock began to squirt thick torrents of sticky cum. “Squirt your dirty boy-cum all over my pussy!” She was cumming as well, swiveling her hips and moaning as long ropes of steaming goo leapt out of Hairy’s cock and completely plastered her pussy, the riding crop, both her hands, her quivering thighs and her flat tummy. “Oh yes!” she growled through gritted teeth, still ramming the crop in and out of her pussy while a thick layer of Hairy’s ball cream oozed over everything and fell to the floor in rivers. As her climax subsided, she continued to stroke herself with the crop but used her other hand to massage the thick plastering of hot cum into her skin. “Such a big load for such a little boy,” she mused, pulling the crop out of her cunt and using her other hand to rub huge globs of his cream into her succulent lips. She held the crop up in front of his eyes and he watched cum run down its length and drip off onto the floor. “You’ve made a mess of my toy. I suggest you clean it up before I beat it clean on your pretty little butt cheeks.” She lifted it to his lips and Hairy hesitantly began to lick and slurp his own cum from the leather-bound handle. Eating his own cum was not near as exciting as eating that of another boy or man, but he was surprised at how good it tasted. She twisted it in his lips over and over until the sticky whiteness was completely gone. All the while, he was stroking his aching cock and milking out more drops of sperm onto the floor. “Now get on your knees and clean me up,” she grinned devilishly. Hairy considered the huge amount of sperm that was even now running down into her ass crack and hesitated. She lifted the crop to whack him again and he sank to his knees obediently. “That’s a good little boy. Lick up every drop of your cum. That’s it. Swallow it down. Get my pussy nice and clean. Don’t forget what you got on my legs. That’s it. Slurp it all up you little cum-slut. Here. You got it all over my belly too. Don’t forget my ass crack. You’ve got your sticky cum all over my asshole. Lick it out and make it nice and clean. That’a’boy. If you don’t do a good job cleaning me up, I may have to piss down your throat to punish you. Hahaha! That’s motived you hasn’t it?” The humiliation she was piling on him gave him a sudden pang. He missed his Aunt Peetuna. He felt his cock stirring again when he remembered what it was like to fuck her. This humiliation paled in comparison but it did give him a warm feeling inside. He almost dawdled so he could experience the joys of choking on hot piss again. Turns out it didn’t matter. McGulpitall had planned to empty her bladder in his mouth no matter what he did. Hairy sputtered and blinked piss out of his eyes but managed to swallow most of her acrid pee obediently. McGulpitall did not miss the fact that kneeling before her and drinking her piss made him hard again. ***************************************************************** ************ “You’re fucking joking.” It was dinnertime. Hairy had just finished telling Rim what had happened when he’d left the grounds with Professor McGulpitall. Rim had a piece of steak and bull testical pie halfway to his mouth, but he’d forgotten all about it. “Squeaker?” he said. “But first years never — you must be the youngest House player in about —” “— a century,” said Hairy, shoveling pie into his mouth. He felt particularly hungry after the exertions of the afternoon. “Wood told me. Oh, and I get to be his sex slave too.” Rim was so amazed, so impressed, he just sat and gaped at Hairy. Hairy had an almost irresistible urge to stand up and ram his cock down Rim’s throat. “I start training next week but the butt sex and blowjobs start immediately,” said Hairy. “Only don’t tell anyone, Wood wants to keep it a secret.” Frod and Gorge Wussley now came into the hall, spotted Hairy, and hurried over. “Well done,” said Gorge in a low voice. “Wood told us. We’re on the team too — Beaters.” He reached into his robes and extracted his floppy, red penis. He smacked Hairy playfully on the cheek with it a few times. “And I’m planning on beating that sweet little ass of yours plenty!” “I tell you, we’re going to win that Quimmitch Cup for sure this year,” said Frod. He knelt down next to Hairy, whipped his thong aside and fondled his soft gentials. “We haven’t won since Chortle left, but this year’s team is going to be brilliant. You must be good, Hairy, Wood was almost skipping when he told us. He was even more excited when he told us about fucking you in the ass. Personally, I’m looking forward to giving this big boy a good sucking. Mmmmmmm!” Gorge leaned forward and smacked his cock all over his brother’s face obnoxiously. “Anyway, we’ve got to go, Pee Jordan reckons he’s found a new secret passageway to the teachers’ rest room.” “Bet it’s that one behind the statue of Gregory the Smarmy that we found in our first week.” He gently kissed the tip of Hairy’s quickly lengthening cock and turned to leave. “See you soon, sweet dick.” Frod and Gorge had hardly disappeared when someone far less welcome turned up: Milftoy, flanked by Crabs and Gayle. “Having a last meal, Peeter? When are you getting the train back to the Muffles?” “You’re a lot braver now that you’re back on the ground and you’ve got your little girlfriends with you,” said Hairy coolly. There was of course nothing at all little about Crabs and Gayle. They both suggestively grabbed their crotches and scowled. “I’d take you on anytime on my own,” said Milftoy. “Tonight, if you want. Jizzard’s duet. Motown hits only — no accompaniment. What’s the matter? Never heard of a jizzard’s duet before, I suppose?” “Of course he has,” said Rim, wheeling around. He found himself facing Crabs’ rather prodigious, scantily-clad package. “I’m his second,” he gulped. “Who’s yours?” Milftoy looked at Crabs and Gayle, sizing them up. “Crabs,” he said. “Midnight all right? We’ll meet you in the trophy room; that’s always unlocked.” When Milftoy had gone, Rim and Hairy looked at each other. Hairy’s cock was standing up in his lap at full attention. Ron looked around and slid his hand over the squeeze and stroke his best friend’s penis. “What is a jizzard’s duet?” said Hairy. “And what do you mean, you’re my second?” He spread his legs so Rim could access his balls as well. “Well, it’s when two wizards sing songs together in harmony. Each time you forget a word or miss a note, your opponent gets to hit you with an offensive spell. A second’s there to take over if you die,” said Rim casually, getting started at last on his cold pie after squeezing out some of Hairy’s pre-cum onto it. Catching the look on Hairy’s face, he added quickly, “But people only die in proper duets, you know, with real jizzards. The most you and Milftoy’ll be able to do is make each other hoarse and zap each other in the ass a couple of times. Neither of you knows enough songs or spells to cause any real damage. I bet he expected you to refuse, anyway.” “And what if I wave my dildo and nothing happens?” Hairy asked, reaching over the fish Rim’s cock out of his thong. “Throw it away and kick him in the nuts,” Rim suggested, rolling Hairy’s huge balls in his fingers. “Excuse me.” They both looked up. It was Hymenie Gangbanger. “Can’t a person eat in peace in this place?” said Rim. Hymenie ignored him and spoke to Hairy. “I couldn’t help overhearing what you and Milftoy were saying —” She paused momentarily when she saw both their cocks sticking up out of their robes. Her cheeks flushed and she self-consciously pulled her robes to cover her bare tummy and the enormous camel toe her too-tight thong revealed. “Bet you could,” Rim muttered. “— and you mustn’t go dildoering around the school at night, think of the points you’ll lose Gryffindong if you’re caught, and you’re bound to be. It’s really very selfish of you.” “And it’s really none of your goddamned fucking business,” said Hairy, stroking his huge cock and jutting his tongue into his cheek. Hymenie turned beet red at the suggestion that she suck Hairy’s cock and hurried away. It was not lost on either of the boys, what a cute, pert, tight little ass she had. Perfectly shaped and smooth as white silk. “Good-bye,” said Rim. ***************************************************************** ************ All the same, it wasn’t what you’d call the perfect end to the day, Hairy thought, as he lay awake jacking off much later, listening to Dean and Semen falling asleep (Nubile wasn’t back from the hospital wing). Rim had spent all evening giving him a blowjob as well as some advice, such as “If he tries to curse you, you’d better dodge it, because I can’t remember how to block them.” There was a very good chance they were going to get caught by Fist or Mrs. Morpiss, and Hairy felt he was pushing his luck, breaking another school rule today. On the other hand, Milftoy’s sneering face kept looming up out of the darkness — this was his big chance to beat Milftoy face-to-face. He couldn’t miss it. “Half-past eleven,” Rim muttered at last, letting Hairy’s spent cock fall from his slurping lips. Hairy had discovered that he was now exempt from the stricture on orgasms once bedtime rolled around. He had round himself fantasizing about Hymenie’s tight little ass as he fucked Rim and then exploded hot cum into his best friend’s hungry mouth. “We’d better go.” They pulled on their bathrobes, picked up their dildos, and crept across the tower room, down the spiral staircase, and into the Gryffindong common room. A few embers were still glowing in the fireplace, turning all the armchairs into hunched black shadows. They had almost reached the portrait hole when a voice spoke from the chair nearest them, “I can’t believe you’re going to do this, Hairy.” A lamp flickered on. It was Hymenie Gangbanger, wearing a pink bathrobe and a frown. “You!” said Rim furiously. “Go back to bed and finger yourself or something!” “I almost told your brother,” Hymenie snapped, giving Rim a withering look. “Pussy — he’s a prefuck, he’d put a stop to this.” Hairy couldn’t believe anyone could be so interfering. “Fuck this little bitch. Come on,” he said to Rim. He pushed open the portrait of the Fat Lady and climbed through the hole. Hymenie wasn’t going to give up that easily. She followed Rim through the portrait hole, hissing at them like an angry goose. She looked ridiculous though, because her fluffy robe got hung up and she had to shed it to keep up with them. She was left wearing only her thong and the tiny bikini top that covered her non-existent tits. “Don’t you care about Gryffindong? Do you only care about yourselves? I don’t want Slithering to win the House Cup, and you’ll lose all the points I got from Professor McGulpitall for knowing about Gender- Switching Spells.” “Go away,” Hairy gruffed, but her sexy little body was making his spent cock stir. “All right, but I warned you, you just remember what I said when you’re on the train home tomorrow, you’re so —” But what they were, they didn’t find out. Hymenie had turned to the portrait of the Fat Lady to get back inside and found herself facing a painting of a huge asshole. The Fat Lady had gone on a nighttime visit and Hymenie was locked out of Gryffindong Tower. “Now what am I going to do?” she asked shrilly, rubbing the chill out of her bare arms and jiggling thighs. “That’s your problem,” said Rim. “We’ve got to go, we’re going to be late.” They hadn’t even reached the end of the corridor when Hymenie caught up with them. “I’m coming with you,” she said. “Now give me your robe.” “You are not.” Rim looked her mostly naked form up and down and added, “And fuck no…” “D’you think I’m going to stand out here practically naked and wait for Fist to catch me? If he finds all three of us I’ll tell him the truth, that I was trying to stop you, and you can back me up.” “You’ve got some nerve —” said Rim loudly, as Hymenie tried to tug his robe off his shoulders. “Shut up, both of you!” said Hairy sharply. “I heard something.” He quickly doffed his robe and draped it over Hymenie’s delicate shoulders. She grinned with appreciation, then got a look at his mostly-naked form and the huge package in his thong, and reddened. It was a sort of moaning. “Mrs. Morpiss?” breathed Rim, squinting through the dark. It wasn’t Mrs. Morpiss. It was Nubile. He was curled up on the floor, fast asleep with his hand shoved into his thong. He jerked suddenly awake as they crept nearer. “Thank goodness you found me! I’ve been out here for hours, I couldn’t remember the new password to get in to bed.” He quickly tucked his short but fat cock away when he saw Hymenie. “Keep your voice down, Nubile. The password’s ‘Pig slut’ but it won’t help you now, the Fat Lady’s gone off to get some.” “How’s your cock?” said Hairy. “Fine,” said Nubile, showing them the hard-on he’d been servicing. “Madam Palmfury mended it in about a minute,” he smiled with a dreamy look on his face. Then he realized Hymenie was still standing there with a disapproving expression and quickly tucked it away. “Good — well, look, Nubile, we’ve got to be somewhere, we’ll see you later —” “Don’t leave me!” said Nubile, scrambling to his feet, “I don’t want to stay here alone, the Bloody Baron’s been past twice already.” Rim looked at his watch and then glared furiously at Hymenie and Nubile. “If either of you get us caught, I’ll never rest until I’ve learned that Curse of the Boogers Squirrell told us about, and used it on you.” Hymenie opened her mouth, perhaps to tell Rim exactly how to use the Curse of the Bogies, but Hairy hissed at her to be quiet and beckoned them all forward. They flitted along corridors striped with bars of moonlight from the high windows. At every turn Hairy expected to run into Fist or Mrs. Morpiss, but they were lucky. Especially lucky since Hairy couldn’t keep his eyes off the glimpses of Hymenie’s skin beneath his robe. They sped up a staircase to the third floor and tiptoed toward the trophy room. Milftoy and Crabs weren’t there yet. The crystal trophy cases glimmered where the moonlight caught them. Cups, shields, plates, and pornographic statues winked silver and gold in the darkness. They edged along the walls, keeping their eyes on the doors at either end of the room. Hairy took out his dildo in case Milftoy leapt in and started at once. The minutes crept by. “He’s late, maybe he’s chickened out,” Rim whispered. Then a noise in the next room made them jump. Hairy had only just raised his dildo when they heard someone speak — and it wasn’t Milftoy. “Sniff around, my sweet pussy, they might be lurking in a corner.” It was Fist speaking to Mrs. Morpiss. Horror-struck, Hairy waved madly at the other three to follow him as quickly as possible; they scurried silently toward the door, away from Fist’s voice. Nubile’s robes had barely whipped round the corner when they heard Fist enter the trophy room. “They’re in here somewhere,” they heard him mutter, “probably hiding so’s I don’t catch them buggering each other.” “This way!” Hairy mouthed to the others and, petrified, they began to creep down a long gallery full of suits of armor. They could hear Fist getting nearer. Nubile suddenly let out a frightened squeak and broke into a run — he tripped, grabbed Rim around the waist, ended up with his face planted between Rim’s cheeks, and the pair of them toppled right into a suit of armor. The clanging and crashing were enough to wake the whole castle. “RUN!” Hairy yelled, and the four of them sprinted down the gallery, not looking back to see whether Fist was following — they swung around the doorpost and galloped down one corridor then another, Hairy in the lead, without any idea where they were or where they were going — they ripped through a tapestry and found themselves in a hidden passageway, hurtled along it and came out near their Charms classroom, which they knew was miles from the trophy room. “I think we’ve lost him,” Hairy panted, leaning against the cold wall and wiping his forehead. Nubile was bent double, wheezing and spluttering. “I — told — you,” Hymenie gasped, clutching at the stitch in her chest, which allowed Hairy’s robe to fall aside and reveal her soft thighs and the lovely charms nestled between them. “I — told — you.” “We’ve got to get back to Gryffindong Tower,” said Rim, “quickly as possible.” “Milftoy tricked you,” Hymenie said to Hairy. “You realize that, don’t you? He was never going to meet you — Fist knew someone was going to be in the trophy room, Milftoy must have tipped him off.” Hairy thought she was probably right, but he wasn’t going to tell her that. He was still fighting the urge to shove his cock in her mouth to shut her up. Just the idea kept threatening to give him a raging hard- on. “Let’s go.” It wasn’t going to be that simple. They hadn’t gone more than a dozen paces when a doorknob rattled and something came shooting out of a classroom in front of them. It was Pees. He caught sight of them and gave a squeal of delight. “Shut up, Pees — please — you’ll get us thrown out.” Pees cackled. “Skulking around at midnight, Ickle Firsties? Triple penetration with the little girlie? Tut, tut, tut. Naughty, naughty, you’ll get caughty.” “Not if you don’t give us away, Pees, please.” “Should tell Fist, I should,” said Pees in a saintly voice, but his eyes glittered wickedly. “It’s for your own good, you know.” “Get out of the way,” snapped Rim, taking a swipe at Pees — this was a big mistake. “STUDENTS OUT OF BED!” Pees bellowed, “STUDENTS OUT OF BED DOWN THE CHARMS CORRIDOR!” Ducking under Pees, they ran for their lives, right to the end of the corridor where they slammed into a door — and it was locked. “This is it!” Rim moaned, as they pushed helplessly at the door, “We’re done for! This is the end!” They could hear footsteps, Fist running as fast as he could toward Pees’s shouts. “Oh, move over,” Hymenie snarled. She grabbed Hairy’s dildo, tapped the lock, and whispered, “Aloha- moha!” The lock clicked and the door swung open — they piled through it, shut it quickly, and pressed their ears against it, listening. “Which way did they go, Pees?” Fist was saying. “Quick, tell me.” “Say ‘please.’ ” “Don’t mess with me, Pees, now where did they go?” “Shan’t say nothing if you don’t say please,” said Pees in his annoying singsong voice. “All right — please.” “NOTHING! Ha haaa! Told you I wouldn’t say nothing if you didn’t say please! Ha ha! Haaaaaa!” And they heard the sound of Pees whooshing away and Fist cursing in rage. “He thinks this door is locked,” Hairy whispered. “I think we’ll be okay — get off, Nubile!” For Nubile had fallen to his knees and was tugging on the thin fabric of Hairy’s thong for the last minute. “What?” Hairy turned around — and saw, quite clearly, what. For a moment, he was sure he’d walked into a nightmare — this was too much, on top of everything that had happened so far. They weren’t in a room, as he had supposed. They were in a corridor. The forbidden corridor on the third floor. And now they knew why it was forbidden. They were looking straight into the eyes of a monstrous dog, a dog that filled the whole space between ceiling and floor. It had three heads. Three pairs of rolling, mad eyes; three noses, twitching and quivering in their direction; three drooling mouths, saliva hanging in slippery ropes from yellowish fangs; and three enormous, pulsing, dripping crimson cocks above three giants sets of testicals. It was standing quite still, all six eyes staring at them, and Hairy knew that the only reason they weren’t already dead was that their sudden appearance had taken it by surprise, but it was quickly getting over that, there was no mistaking what those thunderous growls meant. Hairy groped for the doorknob — between Fist and death, he’d take Fist. They fell backward — Hairy slammed the door shut, and they ran, they almost flew, back down the corridor. Fist must have hurried off to look for them somewhere else, because they didn’t see him anywhere, but they hardly cared — all they wanted to do was put as much space as possible between them and that monster. They didn’t stop running until they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady on the seventh floor. “Where on earth have you all been?” she asked, looking at their bathrobes hanging off their shoulders and their flushed, sweaty faces. She was naked munching a candy bar, but they hardly noticed. “Never mind that — pig snout, pig snout,” panted Hairy, and the portrait swung forward. They scrambled into the common room and collapsed, trembling, into armchairs. It was a while before any of them said anything. Nubile, indeed, looked as if he’d never speak again. “What do they think they’re doing, keeping a thing like that locked up in a school?” said Rim finally. “If any dog needs exercise, that one does.” Hymenie had got both her breath and her bad temper back again. “You don’t use your eyes, any of you, do you?” she snapped. “Didn’t you see what it was standing on?” She was so angry, she ripped Hairy’s robe off and threw it at him, no longer concerned about her near- nakedness. “The floor?” Hairy suggested. “I wasn’t looking at its feet, I was too busy with its heads. All six of them. I can’t tell you if I was more afraid of being eaten or buggered!” “No, not the floor you dolt. It was standing on a trapdoor. It’s obviously guarding something.” She stood up, glaring at them. Hairy couldn’t take it anymore. Her sexy little-girl body and need for a cock in the mouth was finally too much. He pulled his thong patch aside and let his enormous cock stand up straight in his lap. “I hope you’re pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed — or worse, expelled. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to bed.” As her pert little ass wiggled up the stairs, Rim stared after her, his mouth open. “No, we don’t mind,” he said. “You’d think we dragged her along, wouldn’t you?” But Hymenie had given Hairy something else to think about as he climbed back into bed. The dog was guarding something. … What had Hogrod said? Groinglutts was the safest place in the world for something you wanted to hide — except perhaps Hogfarts. It looked as though Hairy had found out where the grubby little package from vault seven hundred and thirteen was. She had also inadvertently provided him with an abundance of visual images to jerk off to tonight. Especially that bitchy little mouth and those shapely ass cheeks….