Archive name: Hairy Peeter and the Philosopher's Bone - Chapter 8.txt Authors name: SensualKink (senskin@gmail.com) Story Title: HP 1 - Ch 8 ------------------------------------------------------------ This is a work of parody. There is no intention to infringe on any copyright owners. Please don't remove the author information or make any changes to this story. You may post freely to non-commercial "free" sites, or in the "free" area of commercial sites. Thank you for your consideration. ------------------------------------------------------------ Hairy Peeter and the Philosopher's Bone - Chapter 8 (ped, inc, cons, size, cum eating) By SensualKink (senskin@gmail.com) Chapter Eight – The Potions Master “There, look." "Where?" "Next to the tall kid with the red pubes." "Wearing the glasses?" "Did you see his cock?" "Did you see his scar?" Whispers followed Hairy from the moment he left his dormitory the next day. People lining up outside classrooms stood on tiptoe to get a look at him, or doubled back to pass him in the corridors again, staring. Hairy wished they wouldn't, because he was trying to concentrate on finding his way to the bathroom. There were a hundred and forty-two bathrooms at Hogfarts: wide, ones set up like community troughs; narrow ones that required students to sit or stand right next to each other; some that changed gender on a Friday; some with vanishing urinals. Then there were doors that wouldn't open unless you talked dirty to them, or tickled them in exactly the right place, and doors that weren't really doors at all, but one-way mirrors with electric current running through the fake doorknobs. It was also very hard to remember where anything was, because it all seemed to move around a lot. The people in the portraits kept going to visit each other, and Hairy was sure the coats of armor could walk. The ghosts didn't help, either. It was always a nasty shock when one of them glided suddenly through a door you were trying to open leaving a coating of frost on your genitals. Nearly Headless Nick was always happy to point new Gryffindongs in the right direction, but Pees the Peltergust was worth two shock doors and an exploding toilet if you met him when you really had to pee. He would drop used tampons on your head, pull up your zipper while you were peeing, pelt you with dried turds while you shat, or sneak up behind you, invisible, ram an icy finger up your ass, and screech, "GOT YOUR CORK!" Even worse than Pees, if that was possible, was the caretaker, Argus Fist. Hairy and Rim managed to get on the wrong side of him on their very first morning. Fist found them trying to fondle their way through a door they thought led to the bathroom but which unluckily turned out to be the entrance to the out-of-bounds corridor on the third floor. He wouldn't believe they were lost, was sure they were trying to break into it on purpose, and was threatening to lock them in the dungeons and subject them to ass torture when they were rescued by Professor Squirrell, who was passing. Fist was married to a cat called Mrs. Morpiss, a scrawny, pee-colored creature with bulging, lamp like eyes just like Fist's. She patrolled the corridors alone. Break a rule in front of her, put just one testical out of line, and she'd whisk off for Fist, who'd appear, wheezing, two seconds later. Fist knew the secret passageways of the school better than anyone (except perhaps the Wussley twins) and could pop up as suddenly as a nocturnal ejaculation. The students all hated him, and it was the dearest ambition of many to give Mrs. Morpiss a brutal fucking. And then, once you had managed to find them, there were the classes themselves. There was a lot more to magic, as Hairy quickly found out, than waving your wand and saying a few funny words. They had to study the night skies through their penis-shaped telescopes every Wednesday at midnight and learn the secret erotic names of different stars and the sexually influential movements of the planets. Three times a week they went out to the greenhouses behind the castle to study Weedology, with a dumpy little bitch called Professor Spurt, where they learned how to take care of all the intoxicating plants and fungi, and found out what sexual situations they were used for. Easily the most boring class was the Sexual History of Magic, which was the only one taught by a ghost. Professor Bunns had been very old indeed when he had fallen asleep during an orgy with pixies and got up next morning to teach, leaving his body behind him. Bunns droned on and on while they scribbled down names and bodily measurements, and got Erotic the Evil and Uric the Oddball mixed up. Professor Flutewhack, the Charms teacher, was a tiny little jizzard who had to stand on a pile of books to see over his desk. At the start of their first class, he stood up front whacking off his huge penis while taking the roll call, and when he reached Hairy's name he gave an excited squeak, spurted jism all over the place and toppled out of sight. Professor McGulpitall was again different. Hairy had been quite right to think she wasn't a teacher to cross. Strict and clever, she gave them a talking-to the moment they sat down in her first class. "Transfiguration is some of the most complex and dangerous magic you will learn at Hogfarts," she said. "Anyone messing around in my class will be spanked thoroughly, leave and not come back. You have been warned." Hairy thought her severe look became more of an evil grin when she spoke about spanking them. It gave him a hard-on he couldn’t get rid of for the rest of the class. Then she changed her desk into a huge, pink dildo and back again. They were all very impressed and couldn't wait to get started, but soon realized they weren't going to be changing the furniture into sex toys for a long time. After taking a lot of complicated notes, they were each given a match and started trying to turn it into a hypodermic needle. By the end of the lesson, only Hymenie Gangbanger had made any difference to her match; Professor McGulpitall showed the class how it had gone all silver and pointy. She then gave Hymenie a rare smile, swished her robes out of the way and allowed the girl to kiss her firm, round ass. Rim joked that Hymenie truly was an ass-kisser, but Hairy pointed out that he would gladly kiss McGulpitall’s beautiful derriere if given half the chance, which caused Rim to sulk the rest of the period. The class everyone had really been looking forward to was Defense Against the Dark Arts, but Squirrell's lessons turned out to be a bit of a joke. His classroom smelled strongly of anal lubricant, which everyone said was to be ready for the vampire he'd been raped by in Romania and was afraid would be coming back to give it to him proper one of these days. His turban, he told them, had been given to him by an African pimp as a thank-you for getting rid of a troublesome epidemic of magical crabs, but they weren't sure they believed this story. For one thing, when Semen Finnigan asked eagerly to hear how Squirrell had fought off the magical venereal disease, Squirrell went pink and started talking about vampiric puberty; for another, they had noticed that a funny smell hung around the turban, and the Wussley twins insisted that it was stuffed pulled off a rotting corpse to mask his scent from the vampire. Hairy was very relieved to find out that he wasn't miles behind everyone else. Lots of people had come from Muffle families and, like him, hadn't had any idea that they were bitches and jizzards. There was so much to learn that even people like Rim didn't have much of a head start. Friday was an important day for Hairy and Rim. They finally managed to find their way down to the Great Hall for breakfast without getting lost once. "What have we got today?" Hairy asked Rim as he poured some fresh semen Rim had squirted for him into a pill bottle in the shower on his porridge. "Double Potions with the Slitherings," said Rim. "Snip's Head of Slithering House. They say he always favors them -- we'll be able to see if it's true." "Wish McGulpitall favored us, " said Hairy. Professor McGulpitall was head of Gryffindong House, but it hadn't stopped her from giving them a huge pile of homework the day before. “Shit. I wish she’d favor me with that ass of hers just once.” Rim agreed and added, “Wish I could squirt hot cum all over it before Hymenie gives it another smooch. Wouldn’t that be brilliant?” Hairy’s cock sprang to full attention as he imagined Hymenie’s cute mouth slurping and licking up thick gobs of cream from McGulpitall’s tender, jjiggling ass cheeks. Just then, the mail arrived. Hairy had gotten used to this by now, but it had given him a bit of a shock on the first morning, when about a hundred owls had suddenly streamed into the Great Hall during breakfast, circling the tables until they saw their owners, and dropping letters and packages onto their laps. Headwag hadn't brought Hairy anything so far. She sometimes flew in to nestle in his crotch and have a bit of toast before going off to sleep in the owlery with the other school owls. This morning, however, she fluttered down between the marmalade and the sugar bowl Hairy had jerked off in for Rim to dip his pancakes in. She dropped a note onto Hairy's spent cock. Hairy tore it open at once. It said, in a very untidy scrawl: Dear Hairy, I know you get Friday afternoons off, so would you like to come and have a cup of tea with me around three? I want to hear all about your first week. And I’d dearly like to fuck you in the ass again. Send us an answer back with Headwag. Hogrod Hairy borrowed Rim's quill, scribbled “Yes, please fuck me with that huge cock of yours. Can’t wait to see you again!” on the back of the note, and sent Headwag off again. It was lucky that Hairy had tea and butt-fucking with Hogrod to look forward to, because the Potions lesson turned out to be the worst thing that had happened to him so far. At the start-of-term banquet, Hairy had gotten the idea that Professor Snip disliked him. By the end of the first Potions lesson, he knew he'd been wrong. Snip didn't dislike Hairy -- he hated him. And Hairy was used to dislike translating into kinky pain and sex. He was anxious to see what Snip had beneath his robes. Potions lessons took place down in one of the dungeons. It was colder here than up in the main castle, and would have been quite creepy enough without the pickled animal genitals floating in glass jars all around the walls. Snip, like Flutewhack, started the class by taking the roll call, and like Flutewhack, he paused at Hairy's name. "Ah, Yes," he said softly, "Hairy fucking Peeter. Our new -- celebrity." Dorco Milftoy and his friends Crabs and Gayle sniggered behind their hands waggled their cocks at Hairy. Snip finished calling the names and looked up at the class. His eyes were black like Hogrod's, but they had none of Hogrod's warmth. They were cold and empty and made you think of dark tunnels. Hairy wondered what it would be like to have this scary man rape his ass tunnel. "You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potionmaking," he began. He spoke in barely more than a whisper, but they caught every word -- like Professor McGulpitall, Snip had the gift of keeping a class silent without effort. "As there is little foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic.” Hairy had one of the few perspectives in the room to clearly see Snip reach down and extract his penis through a subtly hidden slit in his robes. Hairy’s heart raced when he got his first look at Snip’s completely hairless cock and balls. They weren’t unusually large, but they were pale and beautiful. “I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicious power of liquids that creep through human veins, bebitching the mind, ensnaring the senses....” He said this with hissing feeling and smooth pulls on his penis. He quickly stiffened and Hairy realize he had underestimated Snip’s size. His cock was long and lean. Hairy couldn’t help but pull his own cock out beneath his desk and jerk off. “I can teach you how to bottle lust, brew glory, even stopper death -- if you aren't as big a bunch of fuckheads as I usually have to teach." More silence followed this little speech. Hairy and Rim exchanged looks with raised eyebrows when they noticed they were both jerking off. Hymenie Gangbanger was on the edge of her seat, one hand jammed between her sexy legs, and looked desperate to start proving that she wasn't a fuckhead. Hairy felt a sudden lust to see Hymenie’s cute lips stretched around his fat cock as he choked her with it. "Peeter!" said Snip suddenly. "What would I get if I added powdered root of assphondle to an infusion of wormwood?" Powdered root of what to an infusion of what the fuck? Hairy glanced at Rim, who looked as stumped as he was; Hymenie's hand had shot into the air and it was obvious her other hand was vigorously at work between her legs. "I don't know, sir," said Hairy, stroking his cock under the desk and secretly hoping that Snip kept him after class and let Hairy suck that beautiful cock. Snip's lips curled into a sneer. "Tut, tut -- fame clearly isn't everything." He ignored Hymenie's hand and Hairy could see that his gorgeous cock head was now dripping a long, thick streamer of crystalline pre-cum. "Let's try again. Peeter, where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?" Hymenie stretched her hand as high into the air as it would go without her leaving her seat, which pulled her robes aside to reveal the soft, pale curves of her ass and legs. Hairy didn't have the faintest idea what a bezoar was but her sincerely hoped the place to look for it was under Snip’s hairless scrotum. He tried not to look at Milftoy, Crabs, and Gayle, who were shaking with laughter. "I don't know, sir," he said nervously, yanking on his cock desperately. "Thought you wouldn't open a book before coming, eh, Peeter?" Snip let go of his cock and Hairy almost moaned at the way it bounced up and down, visibly throbbing and dripping liquids. Hairy forced himself to keep looking straight into those cold eyes. He had looked through his books for dirty pictures, but did Snip expect him to remember everything in One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi? Snip was still ignoring Hymenie's quivering hand. "What is the difference, Peeter, between monkshead and wolfsbone?" At this, Hymenie stood up, her hand stretching toward the dungeon ceiling. There was an obvious wet patch on the little bit of cloth that hid her 11 year old pussy. "I don't know," said Hairy quietly. "I think Hymenie does, though, why don't you try her?" A few people laughed; Hairy caught Semen's eye, and Semen winked. Snip, however, was not pleased. "Sit the fuck down," he snapped at Hymenie. "For your information, Peeter, assphondle and wormwood make a sleeping potion so powerful it is known as the Draught of Living Death. A bezoar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and it will save you from most poisons. As for monkshead and wolfsbone, they are the same plant, which also goes by the name of aconite. Well? Why the fuck aren't you all copying that down?" There was a sudden rummaging for quills and parchment. Over the noise, Snip said, "And a point will be taken from Gryffindong House for your cheek, Peeter." Things didn't improve for the Gryffindongs as the Potions lesson continued. Snip put them all into pairs and set them to mixing up a simple potion to cure crabs. He swept around in his long black cloak, watching them weigh dried nuttles and crush snake testicals, verbally abusing almost everyone except Milftoy, whose pert, white ass he was seen to frequently fondle. He was just telling everyone to look at the perfect way Milftoy had squeezed semen from his horny slugs when clouds of acrid green smoke and a loud hissing and farting noise filled the dungeon. Nubile had somehow managed to melt Semen's cauldron into a twisted blob, and their potion was seeping across the stone floor, burning holes in people's shoes. Within seconds, the whole class was standing on their stools while Nubile, who had been drenched in the potion when the cauldron collapsed, moaned in pain as angry red boils sprang up all over his genitals and legs. "Fucking idiot!" snarled Snip, clearing the spilled potion away with one wave of his wand. "I suppose you added the porcupine queefs before taking the cauldron off the fire?" Nubile whimpered as boils started to burst audibly all over his bloated scrotum. "Take him up to the hospital wing. I will punish him later," Snip spat at Semen. Hairy’s cock throbbed with need and he considered fucking up his own potion. But exploding boils on his balls looked too painful. Then Snip rounded on Hairy and Rim, who had been working next to Nubile. He made no effort to hide the smooth, hairless genitalia that were bouncing around beneath his robe slit. "You -- Peeter -- why didn't you tell him not to add the queefs? Thought he'd make you look good if he got it wrong, did you? That's another point you've lost for Gryffindong." This was so unfair that Hairy opened his mouth to argue, but Rim pinched his ass behind their cauldron. "Don’t push it," he muttered, "I've heard Snip can turn very nasty." As they climbed the steps out of the dungeon an hour later, Hairy's mind was racing and his spirits were low. He'd lost two points for Gryffindong in his very first week -- why did Snip hate him so much? He thought he’d made it crystal clear that he wouldn’t mind being Snip’s cock whore. "Cheer up," said Rim, "Snip's always doing degenerate things to Frod and Gorge. Maybe you just need to get him alone. Can I come and meet Hogrod with you?" At five to three they left the castle and made their way across the grounds. Hogrod lived in a small wooden house on the edge of the Forbidden Forest. A crossbow and a pair of thigh-length leather boots were outside the front door. When Hairy knocked they heard a frantic scrabbling from inside and several booming barks. Then Hogrod's voice rang out, saying, "Back, Fang -- back." Hogrod's big, hairy face appeared in the crack as he pulled the door open. "Hang on," he said. "Back, Fang." He let them in, struggling to keep a hold of the red, raging penis of an enormous black boarhound. There was only one room inside. Dildos and life-like dolls of little girls and boys were hanging from the ceiling, a copper kettle was boiling on the open fire, and in the corner stood a massive bed with a Hello Kitty quilt over it. "Make yerselves at home," said Hogrod, letting go of Fang, who bounded straight at Rim and started licking his thinly clad crotch. Like Hogrod, Fang was clearly as randy as he looked. "This is Rim," Hairy told Hogrod, who was pouring boiling water into a large teapot and putting cock-and-ball shaped cakes onto a plate. "Another Wussley, eh?" said Hogrod, glancing at Rim's pubes now that Fang had torn his thong away and was busy wetly slobbering all over Rim’s cock and balls. “I spent half me life chasin' yer twin brothers away from the forest. Seems like I spent the other half punishin them." He grinned and winked. The cock-and-ball cakes were coated with thick layers of pungent semen with juicy raisins embedded in the goo. Hairy and Rim were thoroughly enjoying them and wondering whose cum they were eating as they told Hogrod all about their first lessons. Fang rested his head on Hairy's knee and gently licked his throbbing hard on. Hairy and Rim were delighted to hear Hogrod call Fitch "that old man-pussy." "An' as fer that cat, Mrs. Morpiss, I'd like ter introduce her to Fang’s cock sometime. D'yeh know, every time I go up ter the school, she follows me everywhere? Can't get rid of her -- Fitch puts her up to it. Last time she pissed on me boots and ran away." Hairy told Hogrod about Snip's lesson. Hogrod, like Rim, told Hairy not to worry about it, that Snip liked hardly any of the students. "But he seemed to really hate me." Hairy didn’t mention that he secretly lusted to be used by Snip. "Bullshit!" said Hogrod. "Why should he?" He easily lifted Hairy onto his lap and cuddled him lovingly. “You’re a beautiful lad.” Yet Hairy couldn't help thinking that Hogrod did it so he wouldn’t have to meet Hairy’s eyes when he said that. "How's yer brother Chortle?" Hogrod asked Rim, patting his other knee. "I liked him A LOT -- great with animals." Like magic, Hogrod’s gigantic penis lifted up from his crotch and pulsed before them like a living thing. Hairy embraced it with a moan full of feeling, wondering if the School’s charms would keep them from having sex together, or if Hogrod’s shack was somehow immune. Rim asked for a turn hugging and rubbing his now-naked body all over Hogrod’s huge penis, while Hogrod tickled his butthole with a huge finger. Huge dollops of pre-cum oozed from Hogrod’s pisshole and Rim giggled with delight as it ran down the half-giant’s penis and coated his eager face and hair. While Rim told Hogrod all about Chortle's work with dragons, Hairy slid off his lap onto his knees. He was lifting up Hogrod’s enormous balls to lick them when he spied something. He picked up a piece of paper that was lying on the table under the tea cozy. It was a cutting from the Daily Prophylactic: GROINGLUTTS BREAK-IN LATEST Investigations continue into the break-in at Groinglutts on 31 July, widely believed to be the work of Dark jizzards or bitches unknown. Groinglutts goblins today insisted that nothing had been taken. The vault that was searched had in fact been emptied the same day. "But we're not telling you what was in there, so keep your fucking noses out if you know what's good for you," said a Groinglutts spokesgoblin this afternoon. Hairy remembered Rim telling him on the train that someone had tried to rob Groinglutts, but Rim hadn't mentioned the date. "Hogrod!" said Hairy, "that Groinglutts break-in happened on my birthday! It might've been happening while we were there!" There was no doubt about it, Hogrod definitely didn't meet Hairy's eyes this time. He grunted and offered him a hanging dollop of pre-cum. Hairy opened his mouth wide and was treated to a mouthful of warm, salty deliciousness. While Hogrod used his dildo to cast the same spell on Rim that he had used on Peetuna, Hairy read the story again. The vault that was searched had in fact been emptied earlier that same day. Hogrod had emptied vault seven hundred and thirteen, if you could call it emptying, taking out that grubby little package. Had that been what the thieves were looking for? Once Hairy felt the tingle of magic being used on him, he forgot the story and began to suck Hogrod’s giant, hairy balls. They spent a relaxing hour taking turns deepthroating Hogrod’s huge penis and scrotum. Then they both got on their hand and knees on his quilt and Hogrod cast the spell that would allow their tiny assholes to stretch and accommodate his huge penis. Hogrod’s little shack shook like an earthquake was happening as he fucked them both silly and playfully smacked their bare, little-boy asses. Fang got into the act, licking their assholes and balls from behind when Hogrod was busy with the other. Then Hairy felt the huge canine’s claws on his back and he was treated to his first taste of dog cock up his ass. Fang humped him relentlessly and his rectum automatically shrunk to make it a nice, tight fit. Rim was intrigued, so Fang and Hogrod switched. Hairy’s cock was throbbing with lust as he turned to watch Fang hump Rim’s sweet ass. Rim began cooing like a two-dollar whore when Fang’s knob started popping in and out of his anus too fast for the spell to accommodate. Hairy convinced Hogrod to let him lie on his back and he twisted himself so he could lay beneath Rim and slurp on his crimson cock. Hairy could tell Rim was about to cum and he stroked his own meat, excited beyond words anticipating the torrent of hot ball cream his best friend would soon be squirting into his hungry, slutty mouth. Rim arched his back and cried out. His cherry penis lurched and Hairy moaned as squirts of Rim’s delicious, creamy sperm erupted into his mouth. Fang was cumming as well. Hairy looked up to see Rim’s balls swinging and mingling with Fang’s hairy nuts. Then torrents of thin liquid exploded from Rim’s ass, soaking Fang’s hairy belly. Much of it also ran over Rim’s balls and down his cock. Hairy’s face was completely spattered and, after he gulped down Rim’s thick, delicious load, he was treated to steaming torrents of exotic canine ball juice which he slurped and lapped eagerly from Rim’s flopping penis and balls. “Uhhhh, you beauty-ful boys!” Hogrod groaned, squeezing Hairy’s splayed legs painfully. He drove his massive penis into Hairy so hard it felt like his head should be coming up Hairy’s throat. Then he exploded in Hairy’s asshole. Hairy lifted off the bed with each lurch of his cock and he could actually feel the gallons of steaming sperm-goo exploding into his bowels. With a farting, splurting noise, huge globs of thick, white cream exploded from around Hogrod’s huge cock. “Pull it out! Pull it out!” Rim cried excitedly. He turned so he was basically 69-ing with Hairy. Fang’s cock popped out of his ass and the dog retreated to the corner to lick himself. Hogrod bellowed and ripped his lurching penis from Hairy’s ass. Like a firehose, his gaping piss hole expanded and repeatedly launched 1-inch-diameter streams of pearlscent goo that splattered all over Rim and Hairy. Rim’s asshole leaked a steady waterfall of watery dog cum. Hairy was in heaven as he held his mouth open to catch it and Hogrod’s powerful gouts of thick, sweet cream climbed his chest and began to splatter his face and mix with Fang’s jizz. By the time Hogrod ceased, Hairy’s entire body was coated in thick, hot goo. Rim’s face was unrecognizable, although bubbles showed where his mouth was. Hogrod pet them both lovingly and mewled endearing comments as he slid his cock back into Hairy’s cum-filled asshole and watched them slurp and lick mouthfuls of cream from each other. Later, Hairy was pleased to discover that the School’s preventative charm didn’t work in Hogrod’s shack. Rim straddled Hogrod’s hairy chest and got his cock and balls sucked by an oversize mouth as Hairy knelt on Hogrod’s wobbly belly and fucked Rim’s tight ass. Hogrod’s huge cock stiffened again and was large enough that he could bend it up toward his chin and stuff most of it up Hairy’s tight ass again. Hairy exploded in his friend’s ass, having one of the best orgasms of his young life. Hogrod followed suit as Rim began to spew in his mouth. The giant pulled his cock out of Hairy’s tight ass and launched another huge load into the air. They all lay together as a thick rain of steaming hot sperm soaked them. Afterwards, they spent a long time just laying naked together, coated in hot, sticky cum. Hairy and Rim both ate so much cum their bellies were bloated. After a quick clean up with buckets of cold water, Hairy and Rim walked back to the castle for dinner. Their steps were weighed down with enormous amounts of sperm roiling around in their little bellies. Hairy thought that none of the lessons he'd had so far had given him as much to think about as tea with Hogrod. Had Hogrod collected that package just in time? Where was it now? And did Hogrod know something about Snip that he didn't want to tell Hairy?