Archive name: Hairy Peeter and the Philosopher's Bone - Chapter 10.txt Authors name: SensualKink (senskin@gmail.com) Story Title: HP 1 - Ch 10 ------------------------------------------------------------ This is a work of parody. There is no intention to infringe on any copyright owners. Please don't remove the author information or make any changes to this story. You may post freely to non-commercial "free" sites, or in the "free" area of commercial sites. Thank you for your consideration. ------------------------------------------------------------ Hairy Peeter and the Philosopher's Bone - Chapter 10 (ped, inc, cons, size, cum eating) By SensualKink (senskin@gmail.com) Chapter 10 Halloween Milftoy couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw that Hairy and Rim were still at Hogfarts the next day, looking tired and sexed out but perfectly cheerful. Indeed, by the next morning, after some super- charged sex, Hairy and Rim thought that meeting the three-headed dog had been an excellent adventure, and they were quite keen to have another one. In the meantime, Hairy filled Rim in about the package that seemed to have been moved from Groinglutts to Hogfarts. They spent a lot of time wondering what could possibly need such heavy protection. He also filled Rim’s tight ass or mouth with hot cum 3-4 times a day since he was free to cum whenever he wanted. Rim typically used his one orgasm per day to fuck Hairy’s tight ass. “It’s either really valuable or really dangerous,” said Rim, shitting out Hairy’s latest load of thick cream from his hairless ass onto a biscuit he had pocketed at dinner the night before. He had just let Hairy fuck him missionary style before they got cleaned up and started their day. “Or both,” said Hairy, swirling Rim’s pearlescent load around in his palm. He had collected it when Rim came at the same time he was pumping his best friend’s rectum full of sperm. Rim was still restricted to one orgasm a day but he always shared it with Hairy. They both found it easier to concentrate if they started the day by relieving sexual tensions. But as all they knew for sure about the mysterious object was that it was about two inches long, they didn’t have much chance of guessing what it was without further clues. Neither Nubile nor Hymenie showed the slightest interest in what lay underneath the dog and the trapdoor. All Nubile cared about was never going near the dog again and finding ways to forget things so he could get a good ass reaming. Hymenie was now refusing to speak to Hairy and Rim, but she was such a bossy know-it-all that they saw this as an added bonus. Even still, Hairy found himself frequently sneaking glances at the flash of thigh or tummy beneath her robes and, more than once, he dreamed it was her tight little ass he was fucking rather than Rim’s. All they really wanted now was a way of getting back at Milftoy, and to their great delight, just such a thing arrived in the mail about a week later. As the owls flooded into the Great Hall as usual, everyone’s attention was caught at once by a long, thin package carried by six large screech owls. Hairy was just as interested as everyone else to see what was in this large parcel, and was amazed when the owls soared down and dropped it right in front of him, knocking his bacon to the floor. They had hardly fluttered out of the way when another owl dropped a letter on top of the parcel then sat preening its oversized vulva in is plate. Hairy ripped open the letter first, which was lucky, because it said: DO NOT OPEN THE PARCEL AT THE TABLE. It contains your new Numbnuts Two Thousand, but I don’t want everybody knowing you’ve got a broomstick or they’ll all want one. Ilove Wood will meet you tonight on the Quimmitch field at seven o’clock for your first training session. If you disobey these instructions I will revoke your orgasm privileges and make you my personal toilet for the next month. Professor M. McGulpitall Hairy had difficulty hiding his glee as he handed the note to Rim to read. He was also intrigued by McGulpitall’s threat. How amazing would it be to get used as a piss bucket by her all the time? “A Numbnuts Two Thousand!” Rim moaned, enviously reaching over to stroke his favorite piece of meat. “I’ve never even touched one. Every time something amazing like this happens to you, it makes me want to worship your cock, Hairy.” They left the hall quickly, wanting to unwrap the broomstick in private before their first class. Hairy was also primed to reward Rim’s idolizing with a stiff cock up his tight ass. But halfway across the entrance hall they found the way upstairs barred by Crabs and Gayle. Milftoy seized the package from Hairy and felt it. “That’s a broomstick,” he said, throwing it back to Hairy with a mixture of jealousy and spite on his face. “You’ll be in for it this time, Peeter, first years aren’t allowed them.” Rim couldn’t resist it. “It’s not any old broomstick dipshit,” he said, moving possessively to Hairy’s side and grabbing hold of his huge hard-on. “it’s a Numbnuts Two Thousand. What did you say you’ve got at home, Milftoy, a Comet Two Sixty?” Rim cocked his leg and farted, grinning at Hairy. “Comets look flashy, but they’re not in the same league as the Numbnuts.” “What would you know about it, Wussley, you couldn’t afford half the handle,” Milftoy snapped back. “I suppose you and your brothers have to save up twig by twig.” Before Rim could answer, Professor Flutewhack appeared at Hairy’s elbow. “Not arguing, I hope, boys?” he squeaked. He goggled at Hairy’s huge prick and licked his lips. “Peeters been sent a broomstick, Professor,” said Milftoy quickly swishing his robes to give the teacher a peek at his smooth ass cheeks. “Yes, yes, that’s right,” said Professor Flutewhack, beaming at Hairy and slipping an arm around his legs. “Professor McGulpitall told me all about the special circumstances, Peeter.” His eager eyes were drawn to Hairy’s penis, sticking out at just the right height for him to suck it. Hairy had to wonder how much McGulpitall had shared. “And what model is it?” He reached over as if to inspect the package and ‘accidentally’ brushed his gnarled fingers across Hairy’s huge dick. “A Numbnuts Two Thousand, sir,” said Hairy, moving so is throbbing member was turned toward the professor. He was fighting not to laugh at the look of horror on Milftoy’s face. “And it’s really thanks to Milftoy here that I’ve got it,” he added. Hairy and Rim headed upstairs, smothering their laughter at Milftoy’s obvious rage and confusion. “Well, it’s true,” Hairy chortled as they reached the top of the marble staircase. Rim had pulled his robes aside and was teasing Hairy with the prospect of fucking his tight ass again. “If he hadn’t stolen Nubile’s Ream-me-ball I wouldn’t be on the team. …” “So I suppose you think that’s a reward for breaking rules?” came an angry voice from just behind them. Hymenie was stomping up the stairs, looking disapprovingly at the package in Hairy’s hand. “I thought you weren’t speaking to us?” said Hairy, making sure he faced her fully with his fat penis pointing at her like an accusing finger. She blushed and tried not to look at it. “Yes, don’t stop now,” said Rim, “it’s doing us so much good.” He sidled up to Hairy and began to lovingly stroke his veiny meat shaft. “Plus, we can think of so many other uses for that mouth of yours.” Hymenie marched away with her nose in the air but Hairy noticed that she swished her robes and gave them both a peek at her pert little butt cheeks. Hairy had a lot of trouble keeping his mind on his lessons that day. It kept wandering up to the dormitory where his new broomstick was lying under his bed, the bed where he fucked Rim in the ass every night, and where he knew Rim would be waiting with his soft ass in the air. Or straying off to the Quimmitch field where he’d be learning to play that night, and hopefully be engaging in some seriously submissive gay sex. He bolted his dinner that evening without noticing what he was eating, and then rushed upstairs with Rim to have some butt sex and unwrap the Numbnuts Two Thousand at last. “Wow,” Rim sighed, as Hairy climaxed after a manic fuck session. Rim lay on his side and farted out huge gobs of semen from his pink anus as Hairy finally unwrapped the broomstick and it rolled onto the bedspread. Even Hairy, who knew nothing about the different brooms, thought it looked wonderful. Sleek and shiny, with a mahogany handle, it had a long tail of neat, straight twigs and Numbnuts Two Thousand written in gold near the top. The anal dildo was state of the art living wood that adjusted itself to the user’s rectum, assisted with stability, and was programmed in the arts of anal pleasure. As seven o’clock drew nearer, Hairy anticipated that he would be used like a slut so he gave Rim a vigorous fucking so his own arousal wouldn’t impede his performance at his first practice. He dumped one more load in Rim’s hungry slut mouth then left the castle and set off in the dusk toward the Quimmitch field. He’d never been inside the stadium before. Hundreds of seats were raised in stands around the field so that the spectators were high enough to see what was going on. At either end of the field were three golden poles with hoops on the end. They reminded Hairy of the little plastic sticks Muffle children blew bubbles through, except that they were fifty feet high and each was outfitted with a complicated harness. Too eager to fly again to wait for Wood, Hairy mounted his broomstick’s living cock and kicked off from the ground. What a feeling — he swooped in and out of the goal posts and then sped up and down the field. The dildo up his ass felt like it was part of him, expanding or contracting at just the right moment, curving and moving inside Hairy’s rectum producing pure delight. The Numbnuts Two Thousand turned wherever he wanted at his lightest touch or, he learned, at just the right flexing of his ass muscles or sphincter. “Hey, Peeter, come down!” Ilove Wood had arrived. He was carrying a large wooden crate under his arm and he was already sporting a hard-on that was sticking out in front of him. Hairy landed next to him and immediately fell to his knees, sucking and slurping on the short, fat cock he had been fantasizing about since their first encounter. “Very nice,” said Wood, his eyes glinting as Hairy gingerly removed the broom-dildo from his asshole without missing a cock-sucking beat. “I see what McGulpitall meant … you really are a little slut. I’m just going to teach you the rules this evening, but you’ve already learned the first one.” Hairy gave him a questioning look as he held his breath and forced the older boy’s meaty penis into his tight throat. “The first rule is that my cock is your top priority. I’ve been saving this load for you all day, so getting on your knees to suck it out of my cock was exactly the right move.” He patted Hairy’s head and then thrust forward until his balls smacked Hairy’s throat. It only took a couple of minutes of deepthroating and Wood climaxed. He grabbed Hairy’s head roughly fucking his tight throat and almost ripped hair out when he squirted hot love from his prick. Hairy managed to pull back enough that the second half of his hot load was deposited in Hairy’s mouth rather than straight down his gullet. He didn’t mind having his throat used as a pussy but he desperately loved the taste of fresh, hot cum and loved feeling it squirt into his mouth. Hairy moaned with pleasure as thick, hot, slippery cream filled his mouth. He milked out every drop from the boy’s fat head, savoring the delicious taste and fondling Ilove’s balls affectionately. Despite his butt-fucking earlier, pleasing this boy on his knees and swallowing his steaming load aroused Hairy beyond measure. Wood wiped his cock clean on Hairy’s grateful face and then smacked him all over with his flaccid tube of meat. “Ok, Peeter. Good first step. So, like I said, I’ll teach you the rules tonight and then you’ll be joining the team practice three times a week.” He bent to open the crate and Hairy couldn’t resist reaching up to caress the older boy’s large but muscular ass cheeks. Inside the crate were four different-sized balls. “Right,” said Wood. “Now, Quimmitch is easy enough to understand, even if it’s not too easy to play. There are ten players on each side. Three of them are strapped into the harnesses in those hoops overhead. If they’re female players, they’re strapped in facing forward with their legs spread. Males are strapped in facing backward. A teacher then casts a spell that expands their pussies or asses to serve as scoring holes. These six are not really regular team members but are usually students being punished for something.” He chuckled when Hairy squeezed his cheeks and pulled them apart to reveal his wrinkled asshole. “Three others are called Chuckers.” “Three Chuckers,” Hairy repeated, pulling his butt cheeks wide and tongue tickling his anus as Wood bent over and took out a bright red ball about the size of a soccer ball. “This ball’s called the Queef,” said Wood. “The Chuckers throw the Queef to each other and try and get it into one of the orifices mounted in the hoops to score a goal. Ten points every time the Queef gets lodged in an orifice. The Chuckers are also allowed to lube the Queef up with any bodily fluids they like, but keep in mind that makes it more difficult to handle. Follow me?” “The Chuckers throw the Queef and lodge it in an orifice to score,” Hairy recited, pausing his efforts to wriggle his tongue up Wood’s ass. He bent down instead to tickle Ilove’s big balls with his tongue. “So — that’s sort of like basketball on broomsticks with six hoops that are really magically expanded orifices, isn’t it?” “What the fuck is basketball?” said Wood curiously. He turned around so quickly that his big, flaccid cock smacked Hairy painfully in the nose. “Never mind,” said Hairy, quickly taking the opportunity to slurp and suck on Wood’s beautiful cock some more. He was desperately hoping to get him stiff again. He wanted Ilove to fuck him in the ass right on the Quimmitch pitch. “Now, there’s another player on each side who’s called the Kreeper — I’m Kreeper for Gryffindong. I have to fly around our hoops and stop the other team from scoring. I do this by blocking shots with my body or catching the Queef and throwing it to my teammates. I’m also allowed to distract and blind Chuckers with piss.” “Three Chuckers, one Kreeper, piss” said Hairy, who was determined to remember it all. “And they play with the Queef. Okay, got that. So what are they for?” He pointed at the three balls left inside the box. “I’ll show you now,” said Wood. “Take this piss first.” Hairy moaned with desire as hot, steaming piss erupted from Ilove fat piss hole and immediately filled Hairy’s mouth. He was surprised so a large quantity exploded from his lips and cascaded onto the grass. Ilove chuckled and played his thick, powerful stream all over Hairy’s face as he choked and tried hard to swallow the acrid liquid that was bulging his cheeks outward. His huge cock throbbed as it always did when dirty, disgusting piss entered the equation. It was so filthy and made him feel like such a slut. He closed his eyes and smiled, knowing how much it must be pleasing the older boy to bathe him in urine. Hairy kept his face turned upward and his mouth open, as Ilove doused him in warm pee. “You’re even a slut for my piss, aren’t you Peeter?” Wood growled, splashing quarts of hot piss all over Hairy’s face and then moving forward so his fat, juicy head pushed between Hairy’s parted lips. Hairy was ready this time. He quickly bulged his cheeks and gulped down as much as he could, letting Wood splash his face each time. After what seemed like an eternity, Wood’s bladder finally emptied. He pushed his flaccid cock into Hairy’s mouth and stroked it in his lips, grunting out a few more spurts of steaming pee. Hairy sucked and slurped for all he was worth, hoping that his toiletry would earn him a stiff cock up the ass. But, wood eventually pulled back and slapped his wet cock all over Hairy’s face. “I think I’m going to like this season, Peeter. You and my cock are going to be good friends!” Hairy grabbed his balls, kissing and suckling them lovingly as Wood turned and bent over again. He handed Hairy a small club, a bit like a short baseball bat. Hairy was momentarily troubled assuming that Wood was going to fuck him with it. “I’m going to show you what the Buggers do,” Wood said. “These two are the Buggers.” He showed Hairy two identical balls, jet black and slightly smaller than the red Queef. Hairy noticed that they seemed to be straining to escape the straps holding them inside the box. “Stand back,” Wood warned Hairy. He bent down and freed one of the Buggers. At once, the black ball rose high in the air and then pelted straight at Hairy’s crotch. Hairy swung at it with the bat to stop it from smashing his genitals, and sent it zigzagging away into the air — it zoomed around their heads and then shot at Wood, who dived on top of it and managed to pin it to the ground. “See?” Wood panted, forcing the struggling Bugger back into the crate and strapping it down safely. “The Buggers rocket around, trying lodge themselves in an orifice. This results in players getting knocked off their brooms. That’s why you have two Beaters on each team — the Wussley twins are ours — it’s their job to protect their side from the Buggers and try and knock them toward the other team. Now these bats are for training purposes, but during the match boy Beater’s cock is magically enhanced and used as a club.” “What about female beaters?” Hairy asked, smoothing his hands over Ilove’s thighs and eyed his fat cock hungrily. “Ah, yes. In that case, their clits are magically enhanced instead. So it’s like they’ve got a huge, pink penis. It’s really hot. Anyway, in either case, whacking the Bugger is very arousing and sometimes the Beaters are overwhelmed and can’t stop from beating off.” “Sounds fun!” Hairy chuckled, crawling forward so he could nuzzle the boy’s hairy cock and balls. He kissed and lapped at them, mewling like a bitch in heat. “Maybe so,” the older boy said seriously. “But they also can’t do much when that happens, so they’re effectively out of the game until they cum. Not a good thing, Peeter. So — think you’ve got all that?” “Three Chuckers try and score with the Queef; the Kreeper guards the goal posts; the Beaters keep the Buggers away from their team,” Hairy reeled off. “Very good,” said Wood. He moved forward and caressed Hairy’s face tenderly and allowed his fat head to be kissed and slurped for a few seconds. “Er — have the Buggers ever killed anyone?” Hairy asked, hoping he sounded offhand. He imagined he might feel some life in Wood’s cock, so he enveloped him in warm spit and used his tongue like mad, sucking the fat penis and trying to will it to fill with blood. “Never at Hogfarts. We’ve had a couple of broken tailbones and pulverized testicals but nothing worse than that. Now, the last member of the team is the Squeaker. That’s you. And you don’t have to worry about the Queef or the Buggers —” “— unless they smash me in the balls.” “Don’t worry, the Wussleys are more than a match for the Buggers — I mean, they’re like a pair of human Buggers themselves.” Hairy giggled at that, hoping he got to find out what it was like to be buggered by the brothers. Wood reached into the crate and took out the fourth and last ball. Hairy eagerly kissed and licked his balls from behind, trying to get Wood interested again. Compared with the Queef and the Buggers, it was much smaller. It was shaped just like a set of pussy lips. It was bright gold and had little fluttering silver wings. “This,” said Wood, “is the Golden Snatch, and it’s the most important ball of the lot. It’s very hard to catch because it’s so fast and difficult to see. It’s the Squeaker’s job to penetrate it.” Hairy saw Wood glance down at his enormous hard on and he got even more excited. He opened his mouth wide and bent low so he could take Wood’s entire scrotum in his warm, wet mouth. “You’ve got to weave in and out of the Chuckers, Beaters, Buggers, and Queef to catch it and impale it on your cock before the other team’s Squeaker, because whichever Squeaker catches the Snatch wins his team an extra hundred and fifty points, so they nearly always win. That’s why Squeakers get fouled so much. A game of Quimmitch only ends when the Snatch is caught, so it can go on for ages — I think the record is three months, they had to keep bringing on substitutes so the players could get some sleep.” “What about female Squeakers?” Hairy panted, letting Wood’s big, hairy balls slip out of his mouth. “Same deal,” Wood said. “Their clitoris is magically enlarged to become a cock. Well, that’s it — any questions?” Hairy shook his head. He understood what he had to do all right, it was doing it that was going to be the problem. He was also totally distracted by the idea of a female with a cock. “We won’t practice with the Snatch yet,” said Wood, carefully shutting it back inside the crate, “it’s too dark, we might lose it. Let’s try you out with a few of these.” He pulled a bag of ordinary donuts out of his pocket and a few minutes later, he and Hairy were up in the air, Wood throwing the donuts as hard as he could in every direction for Hairy to catch and ram down onto his hard cock. Hairy didn’t miss a single one. He even managed to catch one in mid-air with no hands. He just aimed and pierced the falling donut hole with his huge penis. Wood was delighted. After half an hour, night had really fallen and they couldn’t carry on. Hairy landed and Wood treated him to a reward. He got on his knees in front of Hairy and ate the donuts off of his cock. There was all kinds of slurping and chewing and sucking. Hairy unleashed a huge load of cum and Wood expertly caught every drop in his open maw. He bulged his cheeks to swallow it down then smacked his lips and smiled. “Mmmmm! You shoot a mean load Peeter. I could get used to that!” He was so turned on that he immediately took Hairy there in the grass as the sun went down. By the time he worked himself up to his second orgasm of the night, it was dark. Hairy sighed with satisfaction as the boy’s fat cock violated his depths and then a hot load of sperm was deposited up his ass. He took one of the remaining donuts and splurted Wood’s gooey load from his ass onto it. Then Wood lay side by side, slipping his cock back up Hairy’s ass and they cuddled, sharing sperm-covered glazed donut. “That Quimmitch Cup’ll have our name on it this year,” said Wood happily as they trudged back up to the castle. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you turn out better than Chortle Wussley, and he could have played for England if he hadn’t gone off chasing dragons.” “I bet you say that to all the boys,” Hairy teased, swishing his robes to show Wood his tender, white ass cheeks by moonlight. Wood squeezed Hairy’s cheeks and growled, “Keep teasing me, Peeter. I’ll come to your room tonight and destroy that ass again.” “I’m counting on it,” Hairy grinned and ran off ahead. Perhaps it was because he was now so busy, what with Quimmitch practice three evenings a week on top of all his homework, but Hairy could hardly believe it when he realized that he’d already been at Hogfarts two months. The castle felt more like home than Pervert Drive ever had and the mutual love he and Rim shared was like nothing he’d ever experienced. Although, Wood’s occasional night-time visits were putting a strain on he and Rim. He was going to have to include Rim in their love-making or there were going to be problems. His lessons, too, were becoming more and more interesting now that they had mastered the basics. On Halloween morning they woke to the delicious smell of baking pumpkin and semen wafting through the corridors. Even better, Professor Flutewhack announced in Charms that he thought they were ready to start making objects fly, something they had all been dying to try since they’d seen him make Nubile’s anal dildo zoom around the classroom. Professor Flutewhack put the class into pairs to practice. Hairy’s partner was Semen Funnigan (which was a relief, because Nubile had been trying to catch his eye). Rim, however, was to be working with Hymenie Gangbanger. It was hard to tell whether Rim or Hymenie was angrier about this. She hadn’t spoken to either of them since the day Hairy’s broomstick had arrived but she seemed to ‘accidentally’ flash skin and ass more often. “Now, don’t forget that nice wrist movement we’ve been practicing!” squeaked Professor Flutewhack, perched on top of his pile of books whacking off as usual. “Swish and flick, remember, swish and flick. And saying the magic words properly is very important, too — never forget Jizzard Baruffio, who said ‘s’ instead of ‘f’ and found himself on the floor with a buffalo on his chest.” It was very difficult. Hairy and Semen swished and flicked, but the feather they were supposed to be sending skyward just lay on the desktop. Semen got so impatient that he prodded it with his dildo and set fire to it — Hairy had to put it out by pissing on it and now all he could think about was the gaze Semen gave his cock while it was exposed. He was becoming aroused and it was even more distracting. Rim, at the next table, wasn’t having much more luck. “Wingarsium Lesbiosa!” he shouted, waving his long arms like a windmill, his semi-flaccid cock accidentally popping out of his thong patch and swinging around in circles wildly before he could put it away. “You’re saying it wrong,” Hairy heard Hymenie snap. “It’s Wing-arse-ium Lesbi-o-sa, make the ‘arse’ nice and long.” Hairy heard Rim mumble, “I’d like to give you something nice and long in your arse…” “What was that?” Hymenie barked. “You do it, then, if you’re so clever,” Rim snarled. Hymenie rolled up the sleeves of her gown, flicked her dildo, and said, “Wingarsium Lesbiosa!” Their feather rose off the desk and hovered about four feet above their heads. “Oh, well done!” cried Professor Flutewhack, clapping. “Everyone see here, Miss Gangbanger’s done it!” Rim was in a very bad mood by the end of the class. And Hairy could see he had a raging hard on as well. “It’s no wonder no one can stand her,” he said to Hairy as they pushed their way into the crowded corridor, “she’s a nightmare, honestly. But she has a nice ass.” Someone knocked into Hairy as they hurried past him. It was Hymenie. Hairy caught a glimpse of her face — and was startled to see that she was in tears. “I think she heard you.” “So?” said Rim, but he looked a bit uncomfortable. “She must’ve noticed she’s got no friends. Plus, I did say she’s got a nice ass.” Hymenie didn’t turn up for the next class and wasn’t seen all afternoon. On their way down to the Great Hall for the Halloween feast, Hairy and Rim overheard Perverti Petal telling her friend Lavoratory that Hymenie was crying in the girls’ bathroom and wanted to be left alone. Rim looked still more awkward at this, but a moment later they had entered the Great Hall, where the Halloween decorations put Hymenie out of their minds. A thousand live bats fluttered from the walls and ceiling while a thousand more swooped over the tables in low black clouds, making the candles in the pumpkins stutter. The feast appeared suddenly on the golden plates, as it had at the start-of-term banquet. Hairy was just helping himself to a baked potato with Centaur-cream topping when Professor Squirrell came sprinting into the hall, his turban askew and terror on his face. Everyone stared as he reached Professor Dribbledong’s chair, slumped against the table, and gasped, “Troll — in the dungeons — thought you ought to know.” He then sank to the floor in a dead faint. There was an uproar. It took several purple firecrackers exploding from the end of Professor Dribbledong’s dildo to bring silence. “Prefucks,” he rumbled, “lead your Houses back to the dormitories immediately!” Pussy was in his element. “Follow me! Sthick together, firsth yearsth! No need to fear the troll if you follow my ordersth! Sthay closthe behind me, now. Make way, firsth yearsth coming through! Excusthe me, I’m a prefuck bitch!” “How could a troll get in?” Hairy asked as they climbed the stairs. “Don’t ask me, they’re supposed to be really stupid,” said Rim. “Maybe Pees let it in for a Halloween joke.” They passed different groups of people hurrying in different directions. As they jostled their way through a crowd of confused Hufflepisses, Hairy suddenly grabbed Rim’s arm. “I’ve just thought — Hymenie.” “What about her?” “She doesn’t know about the troll.” Rim bit his lip. “Oh, all right,” he snapped. “But Pussy’d better not see us.” Ducking down, they joined the Hufflepisss going the other way, slipped down a deserted side corridor, and hurried off toward the girls’ bathroom. They had just turned the corner when they heard quick footsteps behind them. “Pussy!” hissed Rim, pulling Hairy behind the smooth, marble ball sack of a large stone griffin statue. Peering around it, however, they saw not Pussy but Snip. He crossed the corridor and disappeared from view. “What’s he doing?” Hairy whispered. “Why isn’t he down in the dungeons with the rest of the teachers?” “Search me. Maybe he’s meeting a student to get a piece of ass.” Quietly as possible, they crept along the next corridor after Snip’s fading footsteps. “He’s heading for the third floor,” Hairy said, but Rim held up his hand and sniffed his fingers. “Can you smell something?” Hairy sniffed and a foul stench reached his nostrils, a mixture of old socks and the kind of public toilet no one seems to clean. And then they heard it — a low grunting, and the shuffling footfalls of gigantic feet. Rim pointed — at the end of a passage to the left, something huge was moving toward them. They shrank into the shadows and watched as it emerged into a patch of moonlight. It was a horrible sight. Twelve feet tall, its skin was a dull, granite gray, its great lumpy body like a boulder with its small bald head perched on top like a coconut. It had short legs thick as tree trunks with flat, horny feet. The smell coming from it was incredible. It was holding a huge wooden club, which dragged along the floor because its arms were so long. And an absolutely enormous, gray cock and balls hung between its legs, its balls actually dragging the floor. The troll stopped next to a doorway and peered inside. It waggled its long ears, making up its tiny mind, then slouched slowly into the room. “The key’s in the lock,” Hairy muttered. “We could lock it in.” “Good idea,” said Rim nervously. They edged toward the open door, mouths dry, praying the troll wasn’t about to come out of it. With one great leap, Hairy managed to grab the key, slam the door, and lock it. “Yes!” Flushed with their victory, they started to run back up the passage, but as they reached the corner they heard something that made their hearts stop — a high, petrified scream — and it was coming from the chamber they’d just chained up. “Oh, no,” said Rim, pale as the Bloody Baron. “It’s the girls’ bathroom!” Hairy gasped. “Hymenie!” they said together. It was the last thing they wanted to do, but what choice did they have? Wheeling around, they sprinted back to the door and turned the key, fumbling in their panic. Hairy pulled the door open and they ran inside. Hymenie Gangbanger was shrinking against the wall opposite, looking as if she was about to faint. The troll was advancing on her, knocking the sinks off the walls as it went. One hand dragged the club across the tile floor, the other was stroking the biggest cock either boy had ever seen. The huge, dripping head was easily as large as Hymenie’s and it was at least four feet long. Hymenie was sprawled against the wall, eyes wide with terror. The troll moved forward and rubbed it’s giant head across her face. The thing’s pisshole was as large as Hymenie’s gaping mouth. His rubbery head was gray tinged with pink and he left a huge layer of thick precum all over Hymenie’s face. Then the brute reached down and pushed her legs apart. Hymenie just lay there sprawled in mortal terror. It snuffed and then used the tip of its huge finger to push her thong patch aside. Rim and Hairy both registered their first look at Hymenie’s bald pussy. It was so beautiful and pale with delicate pink lips peeking out that Hairy felt his cock begin to rise instantly. His lust was further aroused as the yellow piss of fear began to leak out of Hymenie’s pussy and then flood outward in a torrent when the troll’s deep voice boomed a laugh that knocked tiles from the walls. “Confuse it!” Hairy said desperately to Rim, and, seizing a tap, he threw it as hard as he could against the wall. The troll stopped stroking his tree trunk at Hymenie. It lumbered around, blinking stupidly, to see what had made the noise. Its mean little eyes saw Hairy shaking his bare butt at it. It hesitated, then made for him instead, lifting its gigantic cock in one hand as it went. “Oy, shit-for-brains!” yelled Rim from the other side of the chamber, and he threw a metal pipe at it. The troll didn’t even seem to notice the pipe hitting its huge penis, but it heard the yell and paused again, turning its ugly snout toward Rim instead, giving Hairy time to run around it. “Come on, run, run!” Hairy yelled at Hymenie, trying to pull her toward the door, but she couldn’t move. She was just laying against the wall, her mouth open with terror, her legs spread wide and pee still trickling from her beautiful pussy. The shouting and the echoes seemed to be driving the troll berserk. It roared again and started toward Rim, who was nearest and had no way to escape. Hairy then did something that was both very brave and very stupid: He took a great running jump and managed to fasten his arms around the troll’s penis from below. The troll couldn’t feel Hairy hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood down its urethra, and Hairy’s dildo had still been in his hand when he’d jumped — it had gone straight into the troll’s piss hole as Hairy hung for dear life to the saggy skin around its giant glans. Howling with pain, the troll twisted and flailed its club, with Hairy clinging on for dear life; any second, the troll was going to fling him off its cock or catch him a terrible blow with the club. Hymenie slumped on the floor in fright; Rim pulled out his own dildo — not knowing what he was going to do he heard himself cry the first spell that came into his head: “Wingarsium Lesbiosa!” The club flew suddenly out of the troll’s hand, rose high, high up into the air, turned slowly over — and dropped, with a sickening crack, onto its owner’s head. The troll swayed on the spot and then fell flat on its face, with a thud that made the whole room tremble. Hairy jumped clear at the last second and got to his feet. He was shaking and out of breath, grayish troll precum coating him from the shoulders up. Rim was standing there with his dildo still raised, staring at what he had done. It was Hymenie who spoke first. “Is it — dead?” “I don’t think so,” said Hairy, “I think it’s just been knocked out.” He bent down and pulled his dildo out of the troll’s penis, which was sticking out to the side and still leaking fluid. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue. “Urgh — troll shmegma.” He wiped it on the troll’s trousers. A sudden slamming and loud footsteps made the three of them look up. They hadn’t realized what a racket they had been making, but of course, someone downstairs must have heard the crashes and the troll’s roars. A moment later, Professor McGulpitall had come bursting into the room, closely followed by Snip, with Squirrell bringing up the rear. Squirrell took one look at the troll, let out a faint whimper, and sat quickly down on a toilet, clutching his balls. Snip bent over the troll. Professor McGulpitall was looking at Rim and Hairy. Hairy had never seen her look so angry. Her lips were white. Hopes of winning fifty points for Gryffindong faded quickly from Hairy’s mind. “What on earth were you thinking of?” said Professor McGulpitall, with cold fury in her voice. Hairy looked at Rim, who was still standing with his dildo in the air. “You’re lucky you weren’t killed. Why aren’t you in your dormitory?” Snip gave Hairy a swift, piercing look. Hairy looked at the floor. He wished Rim would put his dildo down. Then a small voice came out of the shadows. “Please, Professor McGulpitall — they were looking for me.” “Miss Gangbanger!” Hymenie had managed to get to her feet at last. Her glistening wet pussy was still not covered by her thong patch. “I went looking for the troll because I — I thought I could deal with it on my own — you know, because I’ve read all about them.” Rim dropped his dildo. Hymenie Gangbanger, telling a downright lie to a teacher? “If they hadn’t found me, I’d be dead now. Hairy stuck his dildo into its penis and Rim knocked it out with its own club. They didn’t have time to come and fetch anyone. It was about to fuck me to death when they arrived.” Hairy and Rim tried to look as though this story wasn’t new to them. “Well — in that case …” said Professor McGulpitall, staring at the three of them, “Miss Gangbanger, you foolish girl, how could you think of tackling a mountain troll on your own?” Hymenie hung her head and discreetly covered her pussy lips. Hairy was speechless. Hymenie was the last person to do anything against the rules, and here she was, pretending she had, to get them out of trouble. It was as if Snip had started handing out blowjobs. “Miss Gangbanger, five points will be taken from Gryffindong for this,” said Professor McGulpitall. “I’m very disappointed in you. If you’re not hurt at all, you’d better get off to Gryffindong Tower. Students are finishing the feast in their Houses.” Hymenie left. Professor McGulpitall turned to Hairy and Rim. “Well, I still say you were lucky, but not many first years could have taken on a full-grown mountain troll. You each win Gryffindong five points. Professor Dribbledong will be informed of this. You may go.” They hurried out of the chamber and didn’t speak at all until they had climbed two floors up. It was a relief to be away from the smell of the troll, quite apart from anything else. “We should have gotten more than ten points,” Rim grumbled, reaching over to see if Hairy’s cock was getting stiff. Rim was primed for some serious butt sex. “Five, you mean, once she’s taken off Hymenie’s.” Hairy’s cock was positively raging but not for the reason Rim thought. He could not get the image of Hymenie’s piss-gushing pussy out of his mind. “Good of her to get us out of trouble like that,” Rim admitted, rubbing Hairy’s piss hole until slick precum oozed out. “Mind you, we did save her.” “She might not have needed saving if we hadn’t locked the thing in with her,” Hairy reminded him. They had reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. “Pig slut,” they said and entered. The common room was packed and noisy. Everyone was eating the food that had been sent up. Hymenie, however, stood alone by the door, waiting for them. There was a very embarrassed pause. Then, none of them looking at each other, they all said “Thanks,” and hurried off to get plates. But from that moment on, Hymenie Gangbanger became their friend. In her gratitude, she promised herself to learn everything there was to know about pleasing a boy’s cock. There are some things you can’t share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.