Archive name: Hairy Peeter and the Philosopher's Bone - Chapter
10.txt Authors name: SensualKink (senskin@gmail.com) Story Title:
HP 1 - Ch 10

------------------------------------------------------------ This
is a work of parody.  There is no intention to infringe on any
copyright owners. Please don't remove the author information or
make any changes to this story.  You may post freely to
non-commercial "free" sites, or in the "free" area of commercial
sites.  Thank you for your consideration.
------------------------------------------------------------
Hairy Peeter and the Philosopher's Bone - Chapter 10 (ped, inc,
cons, size, cum eating) By SensualKink (senskin@gmail.com)

Chapter 10

Halloween

Milftoy couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw that Hairy and Rim
were still at Hogfarts the next day, looking tired and sexed out
but perfectly cheerful. Indeed, by the next morning, after some
super- charged sex, Hairy and Rim thought that meeting the
three-headed dog had been an excellent adventure, and they were
quite keen to have another one. In the meantime, Hairy filled Rim
in about the package that seemed to have been moved from
Groinglutts to Hogfarts. They spent a lot of time wondering what
could possibly need such heavy protection. He also filled Rim’s
tight ass or mouth with hot cum 3-4 times a day since he was free
to cum whenever he wanted. Rim typically used his one orgasm per
day to fuck Hairy’s tight ass.

“It’s either really valuable or really dangerous,” said Rim,
shitting out Hairy’s latest load of thick cream from his hairless
ass onto a biscuit he had pocketed at dinner the night before. He
had just let Hairy fuck him missionary style before they got
cleaned up and started their day.

“Or both,” said Hairy, swirling Rim’s pearlescent load around in
his palm. He had collected it when Rim came at the same time he
was pumping his best friend’s rectum full of sperm. Rim was still
restricted to one orgasm a day but he always shared it with
Hairy. They both found it easier to concentrate if they started
the day by relieving sexual tensions.

But as all they knew for sure about the mysterious object was
that it was about two inches long, they didn’t have much chance
of guessing what it was without further clues.

Neither Nubile nor Hymenie showed the slightest interest in what
lay underneath the dog and the trapdoor. All Nubile cared about
was never going near the dog again and finding ways to forget
things so he could  get a good ass reaming.

Hymenie was now refusing to speak to Hairy and Rim, but she was
such a bossy know-it-all that they saw this as an added bonus.
Even still, Hairy found himself frequently sneaking glances at
the flash of thigh or tummy beneath her robes and, more than
once, he dreamed it was her tight little ass he was fucking
rather than Rim’s.  All they really wanted now was a way of
getting back at Milftoy, and to their great delight, just such a
thing arrived in the mail about a week later.

As the owls flooded into the Great Hall as usual, everyone’s
attention was caught at once by a long, thin package carried by
six large screech owls. Hairy was just as interested as everyone
else to see what was in this large parcel, and was amazed when
the owls soared down and dropped it right in front of him,
knocking his bacon to the floor. They had hardly fluttered out of
the way when another owl dropped a letter on top of the parcel
then sat preening its oversized vulva in is plate.

Hairy ripped open the letter first, which was lucky, because it
said:

DO NOT OPEN THE PARCEL AT THE TABLE.

It contains your new Numbnuts Two Thousand, but I don’t want
everybody knowing you’ve got a broomstick or they’ll all want
one. Ilove Wood will meet you tonight on the Quimmitch field at
seven o’clock for your first training session. If you disobey
these instructions I will revoke your orgasm privileges and make
you my personal toilet for the next month.

Professor M. McGulpitall



Hairy had difficulty hiding his glee as he handed the note to Rim
to read. He was also intrigued by McGulpitall’s threat. How
amazing would it be to get used as a piss bucket by her all the
time?

“A Numbnuts Two Thousand!” Rim moaned, enviously reaching over to
stroke his favorite piece of meat. “I’ve never even touched one.
Every time something amazing like this happens to you, it makes
me want to worship your cock, Hairy.”

They left the hall quickly, wanting to unwrap the broomstick in
private before their first class. Hairy was also primed to reward
Rim’s idolizing with a stiff cock up his tight ass. But halfway
across the entrance hall they found the way upstairs barred by
Crabs and Gayle. Milftoy seized the package from Hairy and felt
it.

“That’s a broomstick,” he said, throwing it back to Hairy with a
mixture of jealousy and spite on his face. “You’ll be in for it
this time, Peeter, first years aren’t allowed them.”

Rim couldn’t resist it.

“It’s not any old broomstick dipshit,” he said, moving
possessively to Hairy’s side and grabbing hold of his huge
hard-on. “it’s a Numbnuts Two Thousand. What did you say you’ve
got at home, Milftoy, a Comet Two Sixty?” Rim cocked his leg and
farted, grinning at Hairy. “Comets look flashy, but they’re not
in the same league as the Numbnuts.”

“What would you know about it, Wussley, you couldn’t afford half
the handle,” Milftoy snapped back. “I suppose you and your
brothers have to save up twig by twig.”

Before Rim could answer, Professor Flutewhack appeared at Hairy’s
elbow.

“Not arguing, I hope, boys?” he squeaked. He goggled at Hairy’s
huge prick and licked his lips.

“Peeters been sent a broomstick, Professor,” said Milftoy quickly
swishing his robes to give the teacher a peek at his smooth ass
cheeks.

“Yes, yes, that’s right,” said Professor Flutewhack, beaming at
Hairy and slipping an arm around his legs. “Professor McGulpitall
told me all about the special circumstances, Peeter.” His eager
eyes were drawn to Hairy’s penis, sticking out at just the right
height for him to suck it. Hairy had to wonder how much
McGulpitall had shared. “And what model is it?” He reached over
as if to inspect the package and ‘accidentally’ brushed his
gnarled fingers across Hairy’s huge dick.

“A Numbnuts Two Thousand, sir,” said Hairy, moving so is
throbbing member was turned toward the professor. He was fighting
not to laugh at the look of horror on Milftoy’s face. “And it’s
really thanks to Milftoy here that I’ve got it,” he added.

Hairy and Rim headed upstairs, smothering their laughter at
Milftoy’s obvious rage and confusion.

“Well, it’s true,” Hairy chortled as they reached the top of the
marble staircase. Rim had pulled his robes aside and was teasing
Hairy with the prospect of fucking his tight ass again. “If he
hadn’t stolen Nubile’s Ream-me-ball I wouldn’t be on the team. …”

“So I suppose you think that’s a reward for breaking rules?” came
an angry voice from just behind them. Hymenie was stomping up the
stairs, looking disapprovingly at the package in Hairy’s hand.

“I thought you weren’t speaking to us?” said Hairy, making sure
he faced her fully with his fat penis pointing at her like an
accusing finger. She blushed and tried not to look at it.

“Yes, don’t stop now,” said Rim, “it’s doing us so much good.” He
sidled up to Hairy and began to lovingly stroke his veiny meat
shaft. “Plus, we can think of so many other uses for that mouth
of yours.”

Hymenie marched away with her nose in the air but Hairy noticed
that she swished her robes and gave them both a peek at her pert
little butt cheeks.

Hairy had a lot of trouble keeping his mind on his lessons that
day. It kept wandering up to the dormitory where his new
broomstick was lying under his bed, the bed where he fucked Rim
in the ass every night, and where he knew Rim would be waiting
with his soft ass in the air. Or straying off to the Quimmitch
field where he’d be learning to play that night, and hopefully be
engaging in some seriously submissive gay sex. He bolted his
dinner that evening without noticing what he was eating, and then
rushed upstairs with Rim to have some butt sex and unwrap the
Numbnuts Two Thousand at last.

“Wow,” Rim sighed, as Hairy climaxed after a manic fuck session.
Rim lay on his side and farted out huge gobs of semen from his
pink anus as Hairy finally unwrapped the broomstick and it rolled
onto the bedspread.

Even Hairy, who knew nothing about the different brooms, thought
it looked wonderful. Sleek and shiny, with a mahogany handle, it
had a long tail of neat, straight twigs and Numbnuts Two Thousand
written in gold near the top. The anal dildo was state of the art
living wood that adjusted itself to the user’s rectum, assisted
with stability, and was programmed in the arts of anal pleasure.

As seven o’clock drew nearer, Hairy anticipated that he would be
used like a slut so he gave Rim a vigorous fucking so his own
arousal wouldn’t impede his performance at his first practice. He
dumped one more load in Rim’s hungry slut mouth then left the
castle and set off in the dusk toward the Quimmitch field. He’d
never been inside the stadium before. Hundreds of seats were
raised in stands around the field so that the spectators were
high enough to see what was going on. At either end of the field
were three golden poles with hoops on the end. They reminded
Hairy of the little plastic sticks Muffle children blew bubbles
through, except that they were fifty feet high and each was
outfitted with a complicated harness.

Too eager to fly again to wait for Wood, Hairy mounted his
broomstick’s living cock and kicked off from the ground. What a
feeling — he swooped in and out of the goal posts and then sped
up and down the field. The dildo up his ass felt like it was part
of him, expanding or contracting at just the right moment,
curving and moving inside Hairy’s rectum producing pure delight.
The Numbnuts Two Thousand turned wherever he wanted at his
lightest touch or, he learned, at just the right flexing of his
ass muscles or sphincter.

“Hey, Peeter, come down!”

Ilove Wood had arrived. He was carrying a large wooden crate
under his arm and he was already sporting a hard-on that was
sticking out in front of him. Hairy landed next to him and
immediately fell to his knees, sucking and slurping on the short,
fat cock he had been fantasizing about since their first
encounter.

“Very nice,” said Wood, his eyes glinting as Hairy gingerly
removed the broom-dildo from his asshole without missing a
cock-sucking beat. “I see what McGulpitall meant … you really are
a little slut. I’m just going to teach you the rules this
evening, but you’ve already learned the first one.”

Hairy gave him a questioning look as he held his breath and
forced the older boy’s meaty penis into his tight throat. “The
first rule is that my cock is your top priority. I’ve been saving
this load for you all day, so getting on your knees to suck it
out of my cock was exactly the right move.” He patted Hairy’s
head and then thrust forward until his balls smacked Hairy’s
throat.

It only took a couple of minutes of deepthroating and Wood
climaxed. He grabbed Hairy’s head roughly fucking his tight
throat and almost ripped hair out when he squirted hot love from
his prick. Hairy managed to pull back enough that the second half
of his hot load was deposited in Hairy’s mouth rather than
straight down his gullet. He didn’t mind having his throat used
as a pussy but he desperately loved the taste of fresh, hot cum
and loved feeling it squirt into his mouth. Hairy moaned with
pleasure as thick, hot, slippery cream filled his mouth. He
milked out every drop from the boy’s fat head, savoring the
delicious taste and fondling Ilove’s balls affectionately.
Despite his butt-fucking earlier, pleasing this boy on his knees
and swallowing his steaming load aroused Hairy beyond measure.

Wood wiped his cock clean on Hairy’s grateful face and then
smacked him all over with his flaccid tube of meat. “Ok, Peeter.
Good first step. So, like I said, I’ll teach you the rules
tonight and then you’ll be joining the team practice three times
a week.”

He bent to open the crate and Hairy couldn’t resist reaching up
to caress the older boy’s large but muscular ass cheeks. Inside
the crate were four different-sized balls.

“Right,” said Wood. “Now, Quimmitch is easy enough to understand,
even if it’s not too easy to play. There are ten players on each
side. Three of them are strapped into the harnesses in those
hoops overhead. If they’re female players, they’re strapped in
facing forward with their legs spread. Males are strapped in
facing backward. A teacher then casts a spell that expands their
pussies or asses to serve as scoring holes. These six are not
really regular team members but are usually students being
punished for something.” He chuckled when Hairy squeezed his
cheeks and pulled them apart to reveal his wrinkled asshole.
“Three others are called Chuckers.”

“Three Chuckers,” Hairy repeated, pulling his butt cheeks wide
and tongue tickling his anus as Wood bent over and took out a
bright red ball about the size of a soccer ball.

“This ball’s called the Queef,” said Wood. “The Chuckers throw
the Queef to each other and try and get it into one of the
orifices mounted in the hoops to score a goal. Ten points every
time the Queef gets lodged in an orifice. The Chuckers are also
allowed to lube the Queef up with any bodily fluids they like,
but keep in mind that makes it more difficult to handle. Follow
me?”

“The Chuckers throw the Queef and lodge it in an orifice to
score,” Hairy recited, pausing his efforts to wriggle his tongue
up Wood’s ass. He bent down instead to tickle Ilove’s  big balls
with his tongue. “So — that’s sort of like basketball on
broomsticks with six hoops that are really magically expanded
orifices, isn’t it?”

“What the fuck is basketball?” said Wood curiously. He turned
around so quickly that his big, flaccid cock smacked Hairy
painfully in the nose.

“Never mind,” said Hairy, quickly taking the opportunity to slurp
and suck on Wood’s beautiful cock some more. He was desperately
hoping to get him stiff again. He wanted Ilove to fuck him in the
ass right on the Quimmitch pitch.

“Now, there’s another player on each side who’s called the
Kreeper — I’m Kreeper for Gryffindong. I have to fly around our
hoops and stop the other team from scoring. I do this by blocking
shots with my body or catching the Queef and throwing it to my
teammates. I’m also allowed to distract and blind Chuckers with
piss.”

“Three Chuckers, one Kreeper, piss” said Hairy, who was
determined to remember it all. “And they play with the Queef.
Okay, got that. So what are they for?” He pointed at the three
balls left inside the box.

“I’ll show you now,” said Wood. “Take this piss first.” Hairy
moaned with desire as hot, steaming piss erupted from Ilove fat
piss hole and immediately filled Hairy’s mouth. He was surprised
so a large quantity exploded from his lips and cascaded onto the
grass. Ilove chuckled and played his thick, powerful stream all
over Hairy’s face as he choked and tried hard to swallow the
acrid liquid that was bulging his cheeks outward. His huge cock
throbbed as it always did when dirty, disgusting piss entered the
equation. It was so filthy and made him feel like such a slut.

He closed his eyes and smiled, knowing how much it must be
pleasing the older boy to bathe him in urine. Hairy kept his face
turned upward and his mouth open, as Ilove doused him in warm
pee. “You’re even a slut for my piss, aren’t you Peeter?” Wood
growled, splashing quarts of hot piss all over Hairy’s face and
then moving forward so his fat, juicy head pushed between Hairy’s
parted lips. Hairy was ready this time. He quickly bulged his
cheeks and gulped down as much as he could, letting Wood splash
his face each time. After what seemed like an eternity, Wood’s
bladder finally emptied. He pushed his flaccid cock into Hairy’s
mouth and stroked it in his lips, grunting out a few more spurts
of steaming pee.

Hairy sucked and slurped for all he was worth, hoping that his
toiletry would earn him a stiff cock up the ass. But, wood
eventually pulled back and slapped his wet cock all over Hairy’s
face. “I think I’m going to like this season, Peeter. You and my
cock are going to be good friends!”

Hairy grabbed his balls, kissing and suckling them lovingly as
Wood turned and bent over again. He handed Hairy a small club, a
bit like a short baseball bat. Hairy was momentarily troubled
assuming that Wood was going to fuck him with it.

“I’m going to show you what the Buggers do,” Wood said. “These
two are the Buggers.”

He showed Hairy two identical balls, jet black and slightly
smaller than the red Queef. Hairy noticed that they seemed to be
straining to escape the straps holding them inside the box.

“Stand back,” Wood warned Hairy. He bent down and freed one of
the Buggers.

At once, the black ball rose high in the air and then pelted
straight at Hairy’s crotch. Hairy swung at it with the bat to
stop it from smashing his genitals, and sent it zigzagging away
into the air — it zoomed around their heads and then shot at
Wood, who dived on top of it and managed to pin it to the ground.

“See?” Wood panted, forcing the struggling Bugger back into the
crate and strapping it down safely. “The Buggers rocket around,
trying lodge themselves in an orifice. This results in players
getting knocked off their brooms. That’s why you have two Beaters
on each team — the Wussley twins are ours — it’s their job to
protect their side from the Buggers and try and knock them toward
the other team. Now these bats are for training purposes, but
during the match boy Beater’s cock is magically enhanced and used
as a club.”

“What about female beaters?” Hairy asked, smoothing his hands
over Ilove’s thighs and eyed his fat cock hungrily.

“Ah, yes. In that case, their clits are magically enhanced
instead. So it’s like they’ve got a huge, pink penis. It’s really
hot. Anyway, in either case, whacking the Bugger is very arousing
and sometimes the Beaters are overwhelmed and can’t stop from
beating off.”

“Sounds fun!” Hairy chuckled, crawling forward so he could nuzzle
the boy’s hairy cock and balls. He kissed and lapped at them,
mewling like a bitch in heat.

“Maybe so,” the older boy said seriously. “But they also can’t do
much when that happens, so they’re effectively out of the game
until they cum. Not a good thing, Peeter. So — think you’ve got
all that?”

“Three Chuckers try and score with the Queef; the Kreeper guards
the goal posts; the Beaters keep the Buggers away from their
team,” Hairy reeled off.

“Very good,” said Wood. He moved forward and caressed Hairy’s
face tenderly and allowed his fat head to be kissed and slurped
for a few seconds.

“Er — have the Buggers ever killed anyone?” Hairy asked, hoping
he sounded offhand. He imagined he might feel some life in Wood’s
cock, so he enveloped him in warm spit and used his tongue like
mad, sucking the fat penis and trying to will it to fill with
blood.

“Never at Hogfarts. We’ve had a couple of broken tailbones and
pulverized testicals but nothing worse than that. Now, the last
member of the team is the Squeaker. That’s you. And you don’t
have to worry about the Queef or the Buggers —”

“— unless they smash me in the balls.”

“Don’t worry, the Wussleys are more than a match for the Buggers
— I mean, they’re like a pair of human Buggers themselves.” Hairy
giggled at that, hoping he got to find out what it was like to be
buggered by the brothers.

Wood reached into the crate and took out the fourth and last
ball. Hairy eagerly kissed and licked  his balls from behind,
trying to get Wood interested again. Compared with the Queef and
the Buggers, it was much smaller. It was shaped just like a set
of pussy lips. It was bright gold and had little fluttering
silver wings.

“This,” said Wood, “is the Golden Snatch, and it’s the most
important ball of the lot. It’s very hard to catch because it’s
so fast and difficult to see. It’s the Squeaker’s job to
penetrate it.” Hairy saw Wood glance down at his enormous hard on
and he got even more excited. He opened his mouth wide and bent
low so he could take Wood’s entire scrotum in his warm, wet
mouth. “You’ve got to weave in and out of the Chuckers, Beaters,
Buggers, and Queef to catch it and impale it on your cock before
the other team’s Squeaker, because whichever Squeaker catches the
Snatch wins his team an extra hundred and fifty points, so they
nearly always win. That’s why Squeakers get fouled so much. A
game of Quimmitch only ends when the Snatch is caught, so it can
go on for ages — I think the record is three months, they had to
keep bringing on substitutes so the players could get some
sleep.”

“What about female Squeakers?” Hairy panted, letting Wood’s big,
hairy balls slip out of his mouth.

“Same deal,” Wood said. “Their clitoris is magically enlarged to
become a cock. Well, that’s it — any questions?”

Hairy shook his head. He understood what he had to do all right,
it was doing it that was going to be the problem. He was also
totally distracted by the idea of a female with a cock.

“We won’t practice with the Snatch yet,” said Wood, carefully
shutting it back inside the crate, “it’s too dark, we might lose
it. Let’s try you out with a few of these.”

He pulled a bag of ordinary donuts out of his pocket and a few
minutes later, he and Hairy were up in the air, Wood throwing the
donuts as hard as he could in every direction for Hairy to catch
and ram down onto his hard cock.

Hairy didn’t miss a single one. He even managed to catch one in
mid-air with no hands. He just aimed and pierced the falling
donut hole with his huge penis. Wood was delighted. After half an
hour, night had really fallen and they couldn’t carry on. Hairy
landed and Wood treated him to a reward. He got on his knees in
front of Hairy and ate the donuts off of his cock. There was all
kinds of slurping and chewing and sucking. Hairy unleashed a huge
load of cum and Wood expertly caught every drop in his open maw.
He bulged his cheeks to swallow it down then smacked his lips and
smiled. “Mmmmm! You shoot a mean load Peeter. I could get used to
that!”

He was so turned on that he immediately took Hairy there in the
grass as the sun went down. By the time he worked himself up to
his second orgasm of the night, it was dark. Hairy sighed with
satisfaction as the boy’s fat cock violated his depths and then a
hot load of sperm was deposited up his ass. He took one of the
remaining donuts and splurted Wood’s gooey load from his ass onto
it. Then Wood lay side by side, slipping his cock back up Hairy’s
ass and they cuddled, sharing sperm-covered glazed donut.

“That Quimmitch Cup’ll have our name on it this year,” said Wood
happily as they trudged back up to the castle. “I wouldn’t be
surprised if you turn out better than Chortle Wussley, and he
could have played for England if he hadn’t gone off chasing
dragons.”

“I bet you say that to all the boys,” Hairy teased, swishing his
robes to show Wood his tender, white ass cheeks by moonlight.

Wood squeezed Hairy’s cheeks and growled, “Keep teasing me,
Peeter. I’ll come to your room tonight and destroy that ass
again.”

“I’m counting on it,” Hairy grinned and ran off ahead.



Perhaps it was because he was now so busy, what with Quimmitch
practice three evenings a week on top of all his homework, but
Hairy could hardly believe it when he realized that he’d already
been at Hogfarts two months. The castle felt more like home than
Pervert Drive ever had and the mutual love he and Rim shared was
like nothing he’d ever experienced. Although, Wood’s occasional
night-time visits were putting a strain on he and Rim. He was
going to have to include Rim in their love-making or there were
going to be problems. His lessons, too, were becoming more and
more interesting now that they had mastered the basics.

On Halloween morning they woke to the delicious smell of baking
pumpkin and semen wafting through the corridors. Even better,
Professor Flutewhack announced in Charms that he thought they
were ready to start making objects fly, something they had all
been dying to try since they’d seen him make Nubile’s anal dildo
zoom around the classroom. Professor Flutewhack put the class
into pairs to practice. Hairy’s partner was Semen Funnigan (which
was a relief, because Nubile had been trying to catch his eye).
Rim, however, was to be working with Hymenie Gangbanger. It was
hard to tell whether Rim or Hymenie was angrier about this. She
hadn’t spoken to either of them since the day Hairy’s broomstick
had arrived but she seemed to ‘accidentally’ flash skin and ass
more often.

“Now, don’t forget that nice wrist movement we’ve been
practicing!” squeaked Professor Flutewhack, perched on top of his
pile of books whacking off as usual. “Swish and flick, remember,
swish and flick. And saying the magic words properly is very
important, too — never forget Jizzard Baruffio, who said ‘s’
instead of ‘f’ and found himself on the floor with a buffalo on
his chest.”

It was very difficult. Hairy and Semen swished and flicked, but
the feather they were supposed to be sending skyward just lay on
the desktop. Semen got so impatient that he prodded it with his
dildo and set fire to it — Hairy had to put it out by pissing on
it and now all he could think about was the gaze Semen gave his
cock while it was exposed. He was becoming aroused and it was
even more distracting.

Rim, at the next table, wasn’t having much more luck.

“Wingarsium Lesbiosa!” he shouted, waving his long arms like a
windmill, his semi-flaccid cock accidentally popping out of his
thong patch and swinging around in circles wildly before he could
put it away.

“You’re saying it wrong,” Hairy heard Hymenie snap. “It’s
Wing-arse-ium Lesbi-o-sa, make the ‘arse’ nice and long.”

Hairy heard Rim mumble, “I’d like to give you something nice and
long in your arse…”

“What was that?” Hymenie barked.

“You do it, then, if you’re so clever,” Rim snarled.

Hymenie rolled up the sleeves of her gown, flicked her dildo, and
said, “Wingarsium Lesbiosa!”

Their feather rose off the desk and hovered about four feet above
their heads.

“Oh, well done!” cried Professor Flutewhack, clapping. “Everyone
see here, Miss Gangbanger’s done it!”

Rim was in a very bad mood by the end of the class. And Hairy
could see he had a raging hard on as well.

“It’s no wonder no one can stand her,” he said to Hairy as they
pushed their way into the crowded corridor, “she’s a nightmare,
honestly. But she has a nice ass.”

Someone knocked into Hairy as they hurried past him. It was
Hymenie. Hairy caught a glimpse of her face — and was startled to
see that she was in tears.

“I think she heard you.”

“So?” said Rim, but he looked a bit uncomfortable. “She must’ve
noticed she’s got no friends. Plus, I did say she’s got a nice
ass.”

Hymenie didn’t turn up for the next class and wasn’t seen all
afternoon. On their way down to the Great Hall for the Halloween
feast, Hairy and Rim overheard Perverti Petal telling her friend
Lavoratory that Hymenie was crying in the girls’ bathroom and
wanted to be left alone. Rim looked still more awkward at this,
but a moment later they had entered the Great Hall, where the
Halloween decorations put Hymenie out of their minds.

A thousand live bats fluttered from the walls and ceiling while a
thousand more swooped over the tables in low black clouds, making
the candles in the pumpkins stutter. The feast appeared suddenly
on the golden plates, as it had at the start-of-term banquet.

Hairy was just helping himself to a baked potato with
Centaur-cream topping when Professor Squirrell came sprinting
into the hall, his turban askew and terror on his face. Everyone
stared as he reached Professor Dribbledong’s chair, slumped
against the table, and gasped, “Troll — in the dungeons — thought
you ought to know.”

He then sank to the floor in a dead faint.

There was an uproar. It took several purple firecrackers
exploding from the end of Professor Dribbledong’s dildo to bring
silence.

“Prefucks,” he rumbled, “lead your Houses back to the dormitories
immediately!”

Pussy was in his element.

“Follow me! Sthick together, firsth yearsth! No need to fear the
troll if you follow my ordersth! Sthay closthe behind me, now.
Make way, firsth yearsth coming through! Excusthe me, I’m a
prefuck bitch!”

“How could a troll get in?” Hairy asked as they climbed the
stairs.

“Don’t ask me, they’re supposed to be really stupid,” said Rim.
“Maybe Pees let it in for a Halloween joke.”

They passed different groups of people hurrying in different
directions. As they jostled their way through a crowd of confused
Hufflepisses, Hairy suddenly grabbed Rim’s arm.

“I’ve just thought — Hymenie.”

“What about her?”

“She doesn’t know about the troll.”

Rim bit his lip.

“Oh, all right,” he snapped. “But Pussy’d better not see us.”

Ducking down, they joined the Hufflepisss going the other way,
slipped down a deserted side corridor, and hurried off toward the
girls’ bathroom. They had just turned the corner when they heard
quick footsteps behind them.

“Pussy!” hissed Rim, pulling Hairy behind the smooth, marble ball
sack of a large stone griffin statue.

Peering around it, however, they saw not Pussy but Snip. He
crossed the corridor and disappeared from view.

“What’s he doing?” Hairy whispered. “Why isn’t he down in the
dungeons with the rest of the teachers?”

“Search me. Maybe he’s meeting a student to get a piece of ass.”

Quietly as possible, they crept along the next corridor after
Snip’s fading footsteps.

“He’s heading for the third floor,” Hairy said, but Rim held up
his hand and sniffed his fingers.

“Can you smell something?”

Hairy sniffed and a foul stench reached his nostrils, a mixture
of old socks and the kind of public toilet no one seems to clean.

And then they heard it — a low grunting, and the shuffling
footfalls of gigantic feet. Rim pointed — at the end of a passage
to the left, something huge was moving toward them. They shrank
into the shadows and watched as it emerged into a patch of
moonlight.

It was a horrible sight. Twelve feet tall, its skin was a dull,
granite gray, its great lumpy body like a boulder with its small
bald head perched on top like a coconut. It had short legs thick
as tree trunks with flat, horny feet. The smell coming from it
was incredible. It was holding a huge wooden club, which dragged
along the floor because its arms were so long. And an absolutely
enormous, gray cock and balls hung between its legs, its balls
actually dragging the floor.

The troll stopped next to a doorway and peered inside. It waggled
its long ears, making up its tiny mind, then slouched slowly into
the room.

“The key’s in the lock,” Hairy muttered. “We could lock it in.”

“Good idea,” said Rim nervously.

They edged toward the open door, mouths dry, praying the troll
wasn’t about to come out of it. With one great leap, Hairy
managed to grab the key, slam the door, and lock it.

“Yes!”

Flushed with their victory, they started to run back up the
passage, but as they reached the corner they heard something that
made their hearts stop — a high, petrified scream — and it was
coming from the chamber they’d just chained up.

“Oh, no,” said Rim, pale as the Bloody Baron.

“It’s the girls’ bathroom!” Hairy gasped.

“Hymenie!” they said together.

It was the last thing they wanted to do, but what choice did they
have? Wheeling around, they sprinted back to the door and turned
the key, fumbling in their panic. Hairy pulled the door open and
they ran inside.

Hymenie Gangbanger was shrinking against the wall opposite,
looking as if she was about to faint. The troll was advancing on
her, knocking the sinks off the walls as it went. One hand
dragged the club across the tile floor, the other was stroking
the biggest cock either boy had ever seen. The huge, dripping
head was easily as large as Hymenie’s and it was at least four
feet long. Hymenie was sprawled against the wall, eyes wide with
terror. The troll moved forward and rubbed it’s giant head across
her face. The thing’s pisshole was as large as Hymenie’s gaping
mouth. His rubbery head was gray tinged with pink and he left a
huge layer of thick precum all over Hymenie’s face. Then the
brute reached down and pushed her legs apart. Hymenie just lay
there sprawled in mortal terror. It snuffed and then used the tip
of its huge finger to push her thong patch aside. Rim and Hairy
both registered their first look at Hymenie’s bald pussy. It was
so beautiful and pale with delicate pink lips peeking out that
Hairy felt his cock begin to rise instantly. His lust was further
aroused as the yellow piss of fear began to leak out of Hymenie’s
pussy and then flood outward in a torrent when the troll’s deep
voice boomed a laugh that knocked tiles from the walls.

“Confuse it!” Hairy said desperately to Rim, and, seizing a tap,
he threw it as hard as he could against the wall.

The troll stopped stroking his tree trunk at Hymenie. It lumbered
around, blinking stupidly, to see what had made the noise. Its
mean little eyes saw Hairy shaking his bare butt at it. It
hesitated, then made for him instead, lifting its gigantic cock
in one hand as it went.

“Oy, shit-for-brains!” yelled Rim from the other side of the
chamber, and he threw a metal pipe at it. The troll didn’t even
seem to notice the pipe hitting its huge penis, but it heard the
yell and paused again, turning its ugly snout toward Rim instead,
giving Hairy time to run around it.

“Come on, run, run!” Hairy yelled at Hymenie, trying to pull her
toward the door, but she couldn’t move. She was just laying
against the wall, her mouth open with terror, her legs spread
wide and pee still trickling from her beautiful pussy.

The shouting and the echoes seemed to be driving the troll
berserk. It roared again and started toward Rim, who was nearest
and had no way to escape.

Hairy then did something that was both very brave and very
stupid: He took a great running jump and managed to fasten his
arms around the troll’s penis from below. The troll couldn’t feel
Hairy hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a
long bit of wood down its urethra, and Hairy’s dildo had still
been in his hand when he’d jumped — it had gone straight into the
troll’s piss hole as Hairy hung for dear life to the saggy skin
around its giant glans.

Howling with pain, the troll twisted and flailed its club, with
Hairy clinging on for dear life; any second, the troll was going
to fling him off its cock or catch him a terrible blow with the
club.

Hymenie slumped on the floor in fright; Rim pulled out his own
dildo — not knowing what he was going to do he heard himself cry
the first spell that came into his head: “Wingarsium Lesbiosa!”

The club flew suddenly out of the troll’s hand, rose high, high
up into the air, turned slowly over — and dropped, with a
sickening crack, onto its owner’s head. The troll swayed on the
spot and then fell flat on its face, with a thud that made the
whole room tremble.

Hairy jumped clear at the last second and got to his feet. He was
shaking and out of breath, grayish troll precum coating him from
the shoulders up. Rim was standing there with his dildo still
raised, staring at what he had done.

It was Hymenie who spoke first.

“Is it — dead?”

“I don’t think so,” said Hairy, “I think it’s just been knocked
out.”

He bent down and pulled his dildo out of the troll’s penis, which
was sticking out to the side and still leaking fluid. It was
covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

“Urgh — troll shmegma.”

He wiped it on the troll’s trousers.

A sudden slamming and loud footsteps made the three of them look
up. They hadn’t realized what a racket they had been making, but
of course, someone downstairs must have heard the crashes and the
troll’s roars. A moment later, Professor McGulpitall had come
bursting into the room, closely followed by Snip, with Squirrell
bringing up the rear. Squirrell took one look at the troll, let
out a faint whimper, and sat quickly down on a toilet, clutching
his balls.

Snip bent over the troll. Professor McGulpitall was looking at
Rim and Hairy. Hairy had never seen her look so angry. Her lips
were white. Hopes of winning fifty points for Gryffindong faded
quickly from Hairy’s mind.

“What on earth were you thinking of?” said Professor McGulpitall,
with cold fury in her voice. Hairy looked at Rim, who was still
standing with his dildo in the air. “You’re lucky you weren’t
killed. Why aren’t you in your dormitory?”

Snip gave Hairy a swift, piercing look. Hairy looked at the
floor. He wished Rim would put his dildo down.

Then a small voice came out of the shadows.

“Please, Professor McGulpitall — they were looking for me.”

“Miss Gangbanger!”

Hymenie had managed to get to her feet at last. Her glistening
wet pussy was still not covered by her thong patch.

“I went looking for the troll because I — I thought I could deal
with it on my own — you know, because I’ve read all about them.”

Rim dropped his dildo. Hymenie Gangbanger, telling a downright
lie to a teacher?

“If they hadn’t found me, I’d be dead now. Hairy stuck his dildo
into its penis and Rim knocked it out with its own club. They
didn’t have time to come and fetch anyone. It was about to fuck
me to death when they arrived.”

Hairy and Rim tried to look as though this story wasn’t new to
them.

“Well — in that case …” said Professor McGulpitall, staring at
the three of them, “Miss Gangbanger, you foolish girl, how could
you think of tackling a mountain troll on your own?”

Hymenie hung her head and discreetly covered her pussy lips.
Hairy was speechless. Hymenie was the last person to do anything
against the rules, and here she was, pretending she had, to get
them out of trouble. It was as if Snip had started handing out
blowjobs.

“Miss Gangbanger, five points will be taken from Gryffindong for
this,” said Professor McGulpitall. “I’m very disappointed in you.
If you’re not hurt at all, you’d better get off to Gryffindong
Tower. Students are finishing the feast in their Houses.”

Hymenie left.

Professor McGulpitall turned to Hairy and Rim.

“Well, I still say you were lucky, but not many first years could
have taken on a full-grown mountain troll. You each win
Gryffindong five points. Professor Dribbledong will be informed
of this. You may go.”

They hurried out of the chamber and didn’t speak at all until
they had climbed two floors up. It was a relief to be away from
the smell of the troll, quite apart from anything else.

“We should have gotten more than ten points,” Rim grumbled,
reaching over to see if Hairy’s cock was getting stiff. Rim was
primed for some serious butt sex.

“Five, you mean, once she’s taken off Hymenie’s.” Hairy’s cock
was positively raging but not for the reason Rim thought. He
could not get the image of Hymenie’s piss-gushing pussy out of
his mind.

“Good of her to get us out of trouble like that,” Rim admitted,
rubbing Hairy’s piss hole until slick precum oozed out. “Mind
you, we did save her.”

“She might not have needed saving if we hadn’t locked the thing
in with her,” Hairy reminded him.

They had reached the portrait of the Fat Lady.

“Pig slut,” they said and entered.

The common room was packed and noisy. Everyone was eating the
food that had been sent up. Hymenie, however, stood alone by the
door, waiting for them. There was a very embarrassed pause. Then,
none of them looking at each other, they all said “Thanks,” and
hurried off to get plates.

But from that moment on, Hymenie Gangbanger became their friend.
In her gratitude, she promised herself to learn everything there
was to know about pleasing a boy’s cock. There are some things
you can’t share without ending up liking each other, and knocking
out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.