Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. Mixed Feelings Erin giggled as she hurried down the hall, yanking her shirt off over her head as she ducked into her bedroom. She tossed her bra aside as she jumped, twisting around to bounce off her bed, and slipped her jeans and panties off her hips, kicking them both away as she saw Ashley framed in the doorway, softly lit by the moonlight from the windows, her short blond hair sparkling. She watched as Ashley slowly moved toward her, slipping her dress off each shoulder, and wiggling her hips when she pushed it down past them, letting it drop to the floor. Erin gazed at her, slowly spreading her own legs in anticipation, reaching to draw her fingertips up along her inner thighs. Ashley smiled. 'She fucked my boyfriend,' Erin thought suddenly, and the feelings that came with that flooded into her. Anger and jealousy flared and subsided, and she heard herself sigh with pleasure seeing Ashley bend to crawl on to the bed with her, her heavy breasts swaying gently, nipples hard shadows in the pale light. All of Erin's feelings, right and wrong, love and hate, all faded and melted into one when Ashley's fingers probed gently between her legs, her middle finger softly stroking upward along her wetness, and she gasped when Ashley's mouth closed over her left nipple. David was gone, over a year, and she still thought about him. Thought about him sleeping with Ashley, and lying to her about it. Ashley lying to her about it, until she claimed she couldn't anymore, and confessed their affair in sobbing regret. Ashley moved to suck and nibble lightly at her right nipple, her middle finger pressing slowly deeper into her, her ring and index fingers softly spreading her lips. She'd decided back then that Ashley was more important than anyone, anything else. She still was. Days later she'd more or less attacked her late at night while she slept, forcing herself on her. Erin suspected that first time or two was Ashley feeling guilty more than anything else, but these days it didn't feel like that. These days it just felt so good, and so bad, and so wrong, and so perfectly right. Ashley tasted of salt and sweet, her breath rich with the tang of tequila and cigarettes, her tounge strangely cool in Erin's mouth. Erin really wished she'd quit smoking, but didn't care much at the moment, spreading her legs further as Ashley inserted another finger, spreading and twisting them inside her, her thumb now lightly resting on her hardening clitoris. "Ash..." she whispered as their kiss broke. "Shut the fuck up," Ashley breathed, kissing her again, strongly, open mouthed, while withdrawing her fingers just long enough to add a third, pushing them deep, making Erin whine, shifting her hips and spreading her thighs even further, reaching with one hand to cup one of Ashley's breasts, and down with the other, brushing lightly against her stomach. Erin smiled around Ashley's tongue when she inhaled sharply at her touch, and she toyed lightly with Ashley's pubic hair. Ashley shifted her body, moving her head away, down, kissing lightly at Erin's chest, ribs , belly, and thigh. Erin twisted into her, pulling at the hairs she had between her fingers, and Ashley accepted the invitation, rotating until she could lift her knee over Erin's shoulders, just as she placed a long, wet kiss on the inside o f Erin's thigh, very near her hips, her chin just touching the open wetness of her waiting pussy. Musk, strawberries, sea air, and lemon scents filled Erin's nostril s as she bent her head to kiss Ashley's mons. She reached around her thigh with one hand to gently spread her open, keeping her other hand low to squeeze Ashley's breast, and almost as if they'd choreographed it, their tongues simultaneously took their first delicate licks at each other. That was all it took to get them both to shift against each other, Erin wrapping her legs up and around Ashley's ribs, Ashley's hands curling around Erin's buttocks to spread her open widely, her tongue plunging deep into the hot wetness between her legs. They alternately teased and toyed with each other, sometimes matching each other's movements and techniques, other times countering one's deep or thorough attentions with light flicks, sucks and nibbles. Erin moaned deeply, feeling something inevitable swell in her belly, feeling herself open inside, warm and liquid, and for a moment, she stopped licking at Ashley, wanting to come, thinking of nothing else. Ashley pulled away suddenly, pushing herself up to extended arms, Erin's legs falling to either side, and she pushed her hips hard back into Erin's face. "Eat me," came her terse command, Erin's mind filling with defiance and lust in equal parts, knowing if she didn't make Ashley come that she wouldn't get the same from her, and she tried, pushing the fingers of one hand past her upper lip, alternately shoving her tongue as deep as she could into Ashley's soaking hole, and withdrawing it to lick and flick it over her clit. She slid her hand down to finger her own pussy but found it caught up in Ashley's grip, who pushed her hand back and away. Her hips writhed, thighs trembling, and she reached to Ashley's buttocks to claw roughly at her skin, both scratching at her and pulling her open further, pushing her face hard against her groin, extending her tongue as deep as she could. "Mmm..." Ashley moaned, rocking her hips gently, "That's it..." Erin squirmed one hand between them to get Ashley's clit between a thumb and forefinger, using the other to hold her open as wide as she could , stabbing her tongue again and again into the hot depths of Ashley's dripping sex, desperate to bring her over so she could get her own pent-up orgasm to release, and finally, agonizingly slowly, Ashley's body stiffened against her. Ashley drew in a long, stuttering breath as she slowly lowered her body against Erin's, and then she shuddered, closing her lips over Erin's clitoris, pulling at it with her teeth, letting her orgasm rush out through her mouth, into Erin. Erin felt something deep and indistinct let go inside, her belly filling with heat and what felt like running water, her whole body contracting and subsiding, her mouth filled with Ashley's most intimate flesh, and she wrapped her arms around her lover, never wanting the feeling to end. - - When Erin woke up it felt like mid-morning. She stretched thoroughly, enjoying the feel of her sheets against her skin. Ashley was gone, but she'd opened the windows as she'd left, and Erin could feel as well as smell the spring air pouring in past the twisting curtains. She thought she could hear children playing nearby. Such a lovely way to start a day, she thought. She pulled on one of Simon's T-shirts. Letting it fall off one shoulder allowed it to almost cover her butt. No matter, it was just her and Ashley in the house, after all. In the kitchen she found coffee, and poured a cup, flicking through a couple pages of news articles on the iPad. She felt Ashley behind her then, and felt that sudden twinge, the strangeness that always seemed to be there in the mornings after they'd have sex. Arms snaked around her, and Ashley's lips touched the skin of her shoulder. "Morning," she grinned, turning in Ashley's arms to face her, the silk of Ashley's robe smooth and warm against her thighs. She was met with a long, proper kiss, and Ashley squeezed her tight before letting her go. The strangeness was gone, as it usually was if Ashley showed her any affection. "Hi," Ashley replied, and leaned in to kiss her again, eyes open, looking directly at hers. "You seem..." Erin started, and Ashley moved closer, again circling her arms around Erin. "I am," she said softly. "I've been missing you." "Well I'm right here," Erin said, softly shaking her head, her eyes closing slowly. Ashley was such a puzzle, she thought as they embraced, leaning against the counter, Ashley's hands tracing random designs on her back. They would sometimes go for days after their trysts just like Erin imagined girlfriend-girlfriend should be, and other times she'd get distant, or 'just' a roommate again, sometimes immediately after. She wondered if the affair with David had driven a permanent wedge between them. Her feelings were so conflicted sometimes... but they were friends, and had always been, and it was so much more complicated now that they enjoyed the occasional roll in the hay. But it was also so much more fun. Ashley pulled back, kissed her again, and closed her teeth gently on Erin's lower lip as she leaned away. "Right where I want you," she said, smiling, and their eyes met and locked, Erin's heart beating hard against her chest. She wanted badly to tell Ashley she loved her, but was terrified of what would happen if she did. The moment stretched, became just slightly uncomfortable, and Erin finally broke the endless moment by twisting her hip sightly between Ashley and the counter. "So what are we doing this weekend?" she asked, sipping her coffee, watching Ashley refill her own cup and turn toward the patio door. "Well, Winter's party is tonight, so there's that," Ashley replied , Erin's mouth making a popping sound as she rolled her eyes at herself for forgetting. "Oh, duh. That should be fun. I haven't seen her in too long." She followed Ashley out to the deck, stopping when the sun hit her, tipping her head back, closing her eyes and just letting the heat of it soak into her. "I love your hair in sunlight," she heard Ashley say. "It's more gold than red." Erin had heard her say that before, but every compliment was welcome. She looked down and saw Ashley leaning back in one of the lounges, the light cloth of her robe swirling around her lower legs draped over the end of the chair. She was so beautiful. "I love your hair everywhere." It sounded stupid when she said it, but Ashley giggled, her breasts making ripples in the silk robe that were a delight to watch. Erin thought she needed to make her giggle in that pose more often, but couldn't immediately think of a way to do it. They sat in the sun and sipped, chatting about little things, or nothing, planning the day's errands and where and when to meet later for the party they planned to attend. "So you're seeing Marcus again?" Erin asked, grinning. "Sounds like things are getting serious." "Maybe," Ashley smiled coyly. "Don't worry, though, I haven't forgotten our deal. I just need to figure out a good way to break the bad news." "So it's *bad* news he has to sleep with me, is it?" Erin laughed, getting up to go inside, and pausing to kick lightly at Ashley's thigh along the way. "Well," Ashley started, and laughed as she stood to follow Erin inside. Erin did wonder if she was serious about it being bad news. Maybe bad for Ashley, she mused, but the deal was the deal. Maybe it was bad for her, too, but so far things had been going pretty well with it, from her perspective. She'd decided in the aftermath of the David thing that the only way to make sure her men couldn't cheat on her with Ashley was to make certain it wasn't cheating. And, the only way to do that was to insist that it happen. Simon was unsure about it when she'd explained what she wanted to him, but he'd come around. Boy, had he. It was strange that she still felt so strongly about David having slept with Ashley and actually enjoyed knowing that Simon did. Maybe it was just the lies that made it different. Or maybe it was how Simon was with her after he'd been with Ashley. Somehow different, but always better somehow, like he was making sure he gave her extra attention or did things with extra care. Maybe it was the couple occasions it had become a threesome, since that was just about the best thing Erin had ever experienced, and didn't want anything to get in the way of it happening again, least of all her stupid emotions. Or maybe, just maybe, it was actually working how she'd planned. In any event, Ashley had agreed, and now that she'd been seeing this Marcus guy long enough to include sex in their relationship, she was bound to share him with Erin as promised. It would be interesting explaining that, as she'd said, but Erin wasn't sure she cared. Either he'd go for it or he wouldn't, and she couldn't imagine a man not going for that, but if he didn't it was no big deal. Ashley could land men about as easily as anyone she knew, with that perfect body and that gorgeous face, even after cutting her previously long, wavy hair. If anything, the short cut made her more attractive. And Marcus was pretty hot. Not quite as mouth-wateringly built as Simon, whose ebony skin and smoothly muscled body had always made Erin weak in the knees, but pretty smoking in his own way. Olive toned, taller and larger in almost every other way than Simon, but not as muscular. Long hair, which she didn't usually like on men, but he made it work. Ashley was done tidying up in the kitchen, and jostled Erin out of her daydreaming with a quick kiss on the cheek. "Love you kiddo, see you later," she winked as she moved toward the hall leading to their bedrooms. "Love you, too," Erin replied. It was similar to what she'd been wanting to say, but just wasn't quite the same as *how* she wanted to say it. She could feel the words in her mouth sometimes, like earlier that very morning , and how they'd feel different coming out, and how much they scared her, not knowing how Ashley would react. Someday, she thought. She heard the shower start, and sighed to herself, walking slowly dow n the hall, remembering last night, and how Ashley's body had felt movi ng against hers. Remembering the taste of her, the smell of her, the sounds she made when she came, the sounds she made Erin make when she came, and how good it felt. How dirty it felt, but how right, how perfect. How like true love. Someday, she thought.