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the perfect cure for Pedophiles
Maybe it was the heat, but I was wavering. It was yesterday, when
it happened. I was beginning to change. I was beginning to lust for young
girls. You know, 18-year-olds, the Barely Legal type of girls, the ones
you're allowed by law to notice.
Still in the grip of my sinful thoughts, I was flipping around on the
cable this morning. I came upon the movie My Father, the Hero. A girl
appeared. She seemed young and reasonably attractive. I reached for my
VCR remote but then I replaced it on the table. No, I wasn't going to lust
after this girl.
Then, in the next scene, she appeared in a bikini. Suddenly I was
saved! Saved from sin! I was no longer in danger of becoming normal, of
liking girls that the law says I have to like. Seeing her young luscious
delicate body lying there, I was back to being a pedophile!
And indeed, this girl is the perfect cure for pedophiles. I know it's
hard being a pedophile. Sometimes you think, why don't I just give up?
Why don't I like 18-year-olds instead of little girls?
This film, My Father the Hero, will save you. I promise. Once you get
to the bikini shot of 14-year-old Nicole, played by Katherine Heigl, the
entire rest of the film is pure heaven. Every shot is fantastic. Every
moment she looks (and acts) terrific. Katherine Heigl is the Ultimate
Babe. Yes, her eyes could be bigger, and her chest might be just a tad
weak, but really, she is unbelievable. Breathtaking.
Where would the U.S. be if Washington had thrown in the towel?
Where would the civil rights movement be if Martin Luther King had
decided to quit? Where would the Confederacy be if Robert E. Lee had...
oops.
See? Even great men can sometimes falter, and if they do, the cause
is lost. That's why God, who is an 8-year-old girl, has sent Katherine
Heigl to us. Watch this girl in My Father the Hero if you should ever have
doubts about being a pedophile. She is the perfect cure.
But what about those already lost? Take Nicole's father, for
instance. In this film he spends his time pursuing a mature woman his
own age. Which raises this rather obvious question, what does he see in
her? For the life of me, I can't understand what men see in women. What
is it, do they need a mommie? Are they suffering from brain damage?
This remains an eternal mystery to me, how men could possibly like
women. I mean, I'm not questioning the right of women to exist. But on
the intimate, personal level, they seem completely uninteresting to me.
More than uninteresting, in fact. They are something to be avoided.
Take me, for instance. I have absolutely nothing to do with women.
I have zero interest in them. I can't imagine spending time with a woman.
The only time I have anything to do with a woman is as a customer.
For instance, when buying something at a store or going to the doctor. Men
can have egos. So it can be easier to get things done, in a business sense,
with women than a man. I'll give women credit for that. If you're a man
like myself, a woman clerk (or professional) can be easier to obtain
services from than another man. But beyond that, I see no use for women.
I go out of my way to avoid them. Like I said, I have nothing against them.
They are sort of like dogs wandering in the street to me. That is a pretty
good description of them: loose dogs.
Actually if I saw a dog wandering around I might try to be friends
with him. But that would not be the case with a woman. I would look
away or otherwise avoid her. I mean, that's just how I am. I can't
describe it any better than that. Sure, if she's 18 and cute I'll look at her.
But if she's much older than that, I just have absolutely no interest in her.
Most other things in the world interest me at least at some level, but not
women. I'm not against watching them on T.V., occasionally. I enjoy
watching the woman on the show Keeping Up Appearances. But that's
entertainment, a joke a minute. The woman on that show exists to show
how silly and ridiculous women can be. So of course I enjoy watching her.
But on the personal real-life level, women are of no consequence to me.
They are sort of like UV rays from the sun. Totally unnecessary, except
that the sun apparently wouldn't exist if it couldn't put out those stupid
UV rays along with heat and light. So I buy UV blocker sunglasses, and go
about my business, protected from the UV rays that are out there but
which I, with my sunglasses on, have nothing to do with.
Yes, I have arrived at my definition of women. They are like UV rays
from the sun. Completely without any value that I can perceive (except as
clerks).
So why in God's name does Nicole's father, in the film My Father the
Hero, spend time pursuing that stupid adult woman in the movie? (I don't
know what the woman's name is, who cares?) It's like he's pursuing UV
rays or something. Katherine Heigl is endlessly valuable, like the sun
itself, without which there would be no life on earth. But the woman in
the film is like UV rays, completely without value, as I see it, and
something to in fact be actively avoided.
Now someone reading this might think that I am trying to insult
women. Believe me, I'm not. Women aren't worth insulting, unless they
get together and pass lots of dumb laws. (Which, indeed, they have, but
I'm trying to ignore that fact in this column.) No, let us assume that
women have not in fact gotten together and passed lots of dumb laws.
Now what are they worth? Nothing! Like I said, as clerks, they can be
easier to work with than men, but that's about it.
Okay, okay, I know, you're going to press me to the wall on this
issue. (Well, somebody is.) Alright, I'll list the advantages that women
can provide, both actually and hypothetically.
First, let's do actually. What benefit do women in the modern world
actually provide? Clerks. (Including "professionals", who are really just
well-paid clerks.) That's it.
Now let's list what women could hypothetically provide:
Cooking.
Cleaning.
I can't think of anything else. So that's it, the sum total of every
benefit that mature adult women (i.e. over 18) could provide: Clerks,
cooking, and cleaning. Since the time of Women's Liberation, women no
longer provide much in the way of cooking and cleaning services, so we are
down to their services as clerks.
You will note that I did not list sexual services as a benefit that
mature adult women provide. I should at least get some brownie points
for that. As I see it, having sex with a mature adult woman is sick. I
mean, it's just totally inappropriate. I guess some men do engage in this
behavior, but I never would. But who am I to judge? If some sick man
somewhere wants to get in bed with a woman, I'm not going to pass a law
against it. But I do not list sexual services as a benefit that women
provide, either actually or hypothetically. I list it as a deviancy,
something that people in dark corners do that is best not thought about.
(And no, I didn't ever sleep with my mother, so I'm not trying to work out
some weird Oedipus complex here.)
Now, let us proceed to one final aspect of benefit that women
provide: art. Yes, obviously there are some women who are writers, or
painters, etc. But I see the provision of art that women provide as being
gender neutral. For instance, take the author Barbara Tuchman. Sure,
she's a woman writer, but if she had published under the name Bob
Tuchman I'd be buying and reading her books with the same level of
interest. It doesn't matter to me whether she's Barbara or Bob, or some
transvestite who used to be a woman and is now a man, or vice versa. So
that is why I don't list art as a benefit that women provide, since I see art
as gender neutral. And it is the same with science. It is gender neutral
also.
Well, there you have it, my views on women. They are totally
worthless, except as clerks. To the extent that they get together and
make life difficult for a pedophile like me, they are actually worse than
worthless. They are a menace to society.
Little girls, on the other hand, are exactly the opposite of women.
They are the reason for living. They are, in fact, the only reason for living.
Without little girls there may as well be no planet earth. Apparently
little girls do eventually grow up to be women, but that again is some sort
of deviancy, like a man getting in bed with a woman, something to be
shoved into a dark corner and not thought about.
I hope I have enlightened you today with my views. Again, I am not
trying to offend, but rather to simply state what I see as the truth. As far
as I'm concerned, little girls are worth everything, and women are at best
competent clerks. That's it. That's the world according to me. How in
God's name I could find myself in a world where exactly the opposite is
enshrined into law, that adult women are supposedly the only worthwhile
thing I can associate with, and little girls are as nothing, is impossible
for me to understand. It is a nightmare. Do you really honestly think that
I would ever want to have anything to do with a mature adult woman?
Even 18-year-olds are too old for me. Even 16 is too old. Fourteen is
about as high as I can go, after that you can forget it!
So, to answer my question, I don't know what to say about those who
are lost, like Nicole's dad in My Father, the Hero, except to say that some
people are sick, and need treatment. Unfortunately on this planet they
can't get any because all the doctors are sick too.
30
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-- Great art books by David Hamilton and Jock Sturges are at:
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-- Naked little girls/politics: http://www.AlessandraSmile.com
Man/boy love: http://www.nambla.de Politics: http://www.lp.org
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http://www.aclu.org
-- Naughty Naked Dreamgirls (Library of Congress ISSN: 1070-1427)
is copyright 2001 by Andrew Roller. Dreamgirls, Naughty Naked
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