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                                   The "Rules" for Child Molesting


         "Lookism.  It is a form of sexual harassment and is offensive and 
illegal."  

         - Official college notice, circa 1994


         It's not fair.  Until 1898, the age of consent in America was age 10.  
Now God forbid that you should even look at a girl under 18, or you're 
likely to be reported to the police as a "child molester."  Fortunately, the 
Lord has come to the aid of so-called "child molesters", by inventing such 
things as, well, fairs.  And waterparks where, as one newspaper columnist 
recently lamented, "total strangers can see children in wet bathing suits."
         Yes, it's time for us "child molesters" to get some.  So for all you 
guys who happen to be "too old" to like little girls (despite the fact that 
the girl is or will be dating soon... not you of course because you're "too 
old"), here are some rules to follow.  This way you'll be able to end a 
pleasant day thinking of little girls, and not of some cop or con's penis up 
your ass.
         Rule number one:  You should limit your looking at little girls to 
commercial venues.  If you're standing in a place that's free, you're in 
trouble.  So, say "no" to neighborhoods and city parks, or suburban 
playgrounds.  They're all free.  If you're a man in such environments, you 
need to be visibly yoked to a dog or a woman.  Otherwise you're a "lone 
male," on the prowl, an obvious target for charges of child molesting, even 
if you don't do anything!  This of course also means that you can't be seen 
around all those cute little girls walking to or from school every day.
         So where can you look at little girls?  At the places mentioned 
above, a fair, a waterpark, anyplace where people pay a fee to mill about.  
An inbetween place might be the mall, where it's free to walk through but 
is in fact private property, not a public space.  In the mall the best place 
to look at girls is in a food court.  Try to find a good seat and don't switch 
seats too often, or else security will wonder why you keep changing tables 
(to get a better view of that little girl, officer!)  Make sure you paid 
money, i.e. bought some food to eat, or else people will wonder who that 
bum is who's taking up a table but not eating anything.  An ideal situation 
is to find out where the restrooms are in the food court.  Then you can see 
little girls as they traipse to and from the bathroom!  (You don't need to 
see the bathroom itself, of course.  You just need a good line of sight at 
the people who are walking to and from the bathroom.)
         Now let's confine ourselves strictly to fairs, since a fair is probably 
the best place to look at little girls.  Waterparks can be good too, but they 
vary in quality.  I know of one waterpark that has many places where you 
can "rest" (i.e. loaf about looking at little girls).  I know of another 
waterpark that has only one place to "rest", a single large roofed pavilion.  
The day I was there the pavilion was completely jammed with parents, all 
bored stiff but maniacally watching their children, lest some "child 
molester" admire their son or daughter.  I couldn't get a seat in the 
pavilion, and was left standing out in the open, under a 100 degree sun, 
trying to ogle little girls in swimsuits with my clothes on.  Realizing that 
I looked exactly like what I was, a "child molester" looking at little girls, 
I left.  (I'm one of those unfortunates who's blind without glasses or 
contacts, which means I can't strip down to a swimsuit and jump in the 
water, since I can't see any little girls when I do!)
         So, what are the rules of looking at little girls at a fair?
         Our first fair-related rule is, the larger the venue, the better.  At a 
large fair it's easier to maintain the fiction that you're staring off into 
the distance, instead of at the little girl three feet in front of you.  
Because, you see, at a small fair, there is no distance.
         The next rule is, the more crowded the fair, the better.  At a 
crowded fair, you can find yourself in a swarm of people and see cute 
little girls every time you turn around.  That's probably the best situation, 
there are so many cute little girls that you are constantly being attracted 
by new ones.  It's like living in a harem.
         The next rule is, live in a place where there are lots of cute girls.  If 
you're stuck at a fair where there are very few cute little girls, you must 
resort to our next set of rules, which involve spotting and tracking.
         Why are you spotting and tracking?  There are two reasons.  The 
first is that you've spotted a little girl that is so gloriously cute that 
you've just got to keep your eyes on her.  The other reason is because she's 
all there is.  Though you may be at a crowded fair, the pickings happen to 
be slim that day, and if you don't look at this one single girl you've found, 
the whole day will be a waste.
         Our next rule is, prefer girls 12 and under.  Teenage girls are often 
aware that a man is staring at them.  You're only admiring them of course, 
but they immediately get visions of being kidnapped and raped.  So, prefer 
little girls.  They're too busy having fun to notice you staring at them.  
Older girls are at the fair to find boys.  Since they're on the prowl, and 
you're on the prowl, and you're a man and not a boy, all their "stranger 
danger" training immediately kicks in.
         How do you track a little girl?  It's simple.  When you first see her, 
you have the right to get very close to her.  Not touching close, but as 
close as a foot away.  This gives you the ability to stare directly into her 
face to get an idea of how cute it is.  So, you're allowed to make what I 
call "an initial swoop".  This is where you swoop in and stare her straight 
in the face.  Unfortunately for the rest of the day you will be continually 
falling back from her, farther and farther, since gradually she or her 
parents will become aware that they are being watched.
         Following a little girl is easy.  You simply walk around behind her.  
At first you can walk directly behind her.  Later, however, put one or two 
people between you and the little girl.  If she or her parents begin to get 
suspicious, put more people between yourself and the little girl as you 
follow her.  Of course in our case we are not simply trying to mark and 
follow a subject, as in a spy movie.  We are constantly striving for a full-
body view of the little girl, so we can admire her.  This will mean that you 
have to veer back and forth a little as you follow the girl, so you can 
maintain eye contact with her entire figure.
         In fact, though, following a little girl is a little too easy.  A 
suspicious parent or girl can easily turn around, or double back, to find out 
if "that man" is still in the area.  You know, yourself!  So this brings into 
play some more rules, which you can add to your game as the girl and her 
parents become suspicious.
         Once they're suspicious, do not follow directly behind the girl (even 
with a few people between yourself and her).  Outflank the girl.  As you 
walk along behind the girl, examine your situation.  Ask yourself, "Where 
is the least likely place that the girl or her parents would look for me?"  
So let's have an example.  The girl and her parents are travelling north.  
You are behind them, so you're to the south.  The parents can easily turn 
around and see you.  What to do?  Move to the northeast. 
         If you don't understand, here's the deal.  You are "turning their flank".  
You are not going to be behind them anymore, you are going to be off to the 
side.  Fair traffic moves rather slowly and so it should not be too difficult 
for you to outwalk the girl and her parents.  Since they are, in our 
example, a moving target, instead of following directly behind them you 
get off to the side.  Naturally you should pick a dark area over a lit area, 
to provide you with additional concealment.  Try to estimate their 
movements and constantly outflank them.  That way, if they look forward, 
you're safe, and if they look behind themselves you're safe too.
	Always anticipate the direction that the little girl and her parents 
will be travelling in next, whether you're following behind them or 
outflanking them.  If you think they're going to turn left, you don't want to 
go to the left to outflank them, since they'll walk right into you!  So, as in 
our example, if you think they will continue walking straight ahead, or 
turn left, you outflank them to the right.  Then you are able to keep 
admiring the little girl without giving yourself away.
	Do you now see the importance of "the initial swoop"?  The face is 
an important aspect of a girl's beauty.  It's one thing to admire her body, 
but just how great is she?  Is she Brooke Shields junior (before she got 
too tall) or is she just curvaceous?  The inital swoop will give you that 
information.  Do it right away, or as soon as practicable, to know exactly 
the level of quality that you might be tracking.  Once you are busy 
outflanking the girl, you will have much fewer opportunities to get a read 
on the quality of the girl's face, since you generally don't begin 
outflanking a subject until you're afraid your presence might be arousing 
their suspicion.
         What to do if the little girl and her parents are simply standing in 
one spot?  This can quickly become problematic, especially if you don't 
have a nice, safe spot to sit down and look innocuous.  (Try eating 
something, that always makes a person look innocuous.)
         Let's examine this "standing still" situation more closely.  The girl 
and her parents are staying in one place, and they're already suspicious of 
you.  So you can't just sit there and eat a donut, or otherwise, it's "Look 
daddy!  There's that man again!"  
         The principle here is to keep moving.  Naturally you can't go 
anywhere, since the little girl isn't going anywhere!  But instead of just 
remaining in one spot, circumnavigate the girl.  That means, switch your 
position constantly, but always within viewing distance of the little girl.  
First you might stand next to the fence, then behind the bandstand, then 
off behind a tree.  Don't literally hide in the location you're standing in, of 
course.  This isn't hide and seek.  Maintain an air of normality and 
obliviousness but keep switching your position.  That way, if the little 
girl spots "that man" next to the fence, a few minutes later you're not next 
to the fence anymore!  (You're behind the bandstand, still looking at her.)
         Here's a trick to watch out for.  The little girl and her parents have 
been standing in one place, and you feel they're suspicious of you.  But the 
girl is too cute to let go of (or there isn't anything else worth looking at).  
You've noticed that the girl's father and mother have been talking to 
another couple.  Now the girl and her father and mother walk away.  Great!  
You can follow them, right?  (Outflanking them, of course.)  Not so fast, 
mister.  Look at the people the parents have been talking to.  Examine them 
closely.  Do they seem aware of you?  Is this in fact the case, that the 
little girl's father told them:  "Watch that man over there in the red shirt.  
If he follows us when we walk away, let us know.  I think he's a 
Goddamned child molester!" 
         Another thing to watch out for is bored parents.  Is there a spot 
where parents tend to congregate, watching their children as they go on 
rides and such?  If so, get out of the line of sight of the parents before 
you go to work looking at little girls.  Parents are paranoid.  If they're 
standing around with nothing to do, watching their daughter, and they see 
you watching their daughter too, you'll get in trouble.
         Cops are not really a problem.  A cop is as nothing compared to a 
paranoid parent.  As long as you look like a normal idiot, they won't bother 
you, unless somebody tells them to.  Of course, it is helpful to mark down 
in your mind not only cops, but semi-uniformed cops and plainclothes cops.  
The main thing is to look for the badge.  Cops are in full uniform, and 
semi-uniformed cops will have some sort of sheriff's star on their belt or 
a jacket with writing on the back announcing "Sheriff's volunteer patrol", 
or whatever.  Generally cops and cop-helpers can't resist displaying some 
sort of official mark of authority.  Look for it, and when you spot it, try to 
create a memorable impression of what the cop, or the cop helper, looks 
like.  So when you see the short fat guy with the crew cut, you 
immediately remember that he's the semi-uniformed cop with the gold 
sheriff's star on his belt.  Watch out too for plainclothed cops.  Usually 
these are in fact cop wanna-be's, not official police in plainclothes.  Is 
there a ride or concession stand operator that gives you the creeps, 
seemingly eyeing everyone from his (supposedly) innocuous stall?  Watch 
out, it's the equivalent of a plainclothes cop, a wanna-be who'd just love 
to report you.  So the rule of thumb with all types of cops is, be aware of 
them, but don't be afraid of them.  The people to fear are parents, not cops.
         Another thing to avoid is groups of kids standing around in their own 
special place.  Yes, they're all very cute, and you're dying to know what 
they're up to.  But if they've carved out their own special spot, you need to 
be very careful not to be seen (by them) as admiring them.  Otherwise you 
become "that man who's looking at us", and you get a straight trip to the 
category of "child molester".
         So, let's summarize our rules.  Look at little girls in places where 
you have to pay, not places that are free.  Swoop in close to see the girl's 
face when you first spot her.  Later is too late, you'll have to keep falling 
farther and farther back from her, because she'll be gradually getting 
suspicious.  Outflank, don't follow.  Pick dark places over light.
         And now we come to the final and saddest part of all:  losing the 
little girl.  This is of course an inevitable and unfortunate experience.  
Eventually you'll discover that she's faded into the crowd, and you just 
won't be able to find her any more.  During your tracking phase you will 
probably lose her a number of times, but in the end you will lose her 
completely, and, as luck would have it in our highly populated society, you 
will never see her again in your entire life.  I know, it's a bummer.  She 
was the most beautiful girl in the universe and now, even though you 
probably both live in the same city, you'll never find her again.
         Here's some things to remember.  First of all, there is always one 
more little girl.  Yes, some girls are super-beautiful and seemingly 
irreplaceable.  But if you look long and hard enough, you will eventually 
find another one that is similar to the super beauty you just saw today.  
Another thing, don't be a zealot.  If you're young enough, and can still pass 
for a "stupid kid", you may be able to follow the little girl and her parents 
all the way to their car.  Then you can get their license plate and, with 
luck, find out more about them.  But I have found that writing down a girl's 
license plate is useless.  Sure, a committed person probably could 
continue the viewing experience in the girl's neighborhood, etc.  But then 
you're not admiring the girl in a paid venue, you're some man lurking in a 
neighborhood.  That violates our very first rule.  So, let the girl go when 
she and her parents walk off into the parking lot to their car.  You don't 
need the license plate.  It will do you absolutely no good at all.
         Now that we've covered the saddest part of all, losing the little girl 
forever, what do you do when you lose her (hopefully) temporarily, when 
you know she's still at the fair?  Here's a good rule:  When you find her, 
you'll probably be standing two feet in front of her.  It's amazing, you're 
desperately searching for her and then suddenly, there she is, right before 
you!  Fall back immediately, of course, especially if you think she's 
already suspicious about you.  Then you can continue your viewing until 
you lose her again... and find her again!
         Sometimes you just have to walk away.  The girl and her parents 
become too suspicious.  Don't overuse this option.  Don't chicken out.  But, 
at the same time, don't hang in there longer than you should.  If you feel 
scared, that you've been discovered, walk away.  Don't worry.  At a small 
fair, you will probably be able to find the girl again.  Think of where she 
and her parents have been, and that will tell you where they're probably 
going.  For instance, a girl I was watching had already thoroughly explored 
the "win a stuffed animal" booths.  So I deduced, when I lost her, that she 
probably wouldn't show up at the booths anymore.  And I was right.  She 
and her parents had travelled deeper into the park, and that's where I 
found them.
         A good rule here is, look in the place where you lost her.  I know it 
sounds stupid.  If she and her parents are walking, how could they possibly 
still be in the place where you lost them?  But, believe it or not, I have 
found that this is a good rule.  Girls, like keys, are often likely to be found 
where you last left them.
         Does a girl have a favorite activity?  Check back there, if you lose 
the girl.  Is the girl's father really into the "win a stuffed animal" games?  
Sooner or later he'll probably show up back there, with his little daughter.
         Keep the family together.  Let's say you're tracking a little girl, and 
she has a father and mother.  Suddenly you find that you're only seeing the 
little girl and her mother.  Where's the dad?  Is he off reporting you to the 
police?  Try to figure out what the family unit is, and then keep track of 
all family members, especially the dad.  You don't want to find out that 
he's standing directly behind you, watching you as you watch his little 
girl!
         Let's go over the "lost little girl" rules.  First, realize that 
eventually you will have to let the girl go.  Next, do let her go if you're 
worried that the family is on to you.  But don't be a chicken-shit.  
Understand that at a small park, you will in fact probably find the little 
girl again, even if you have to walk away.  When you do find her, be aware 
that she may well be standing right in front of you.  Figure out how many 
people are in the girl's family and keep a rough idea of where they all are, 
and why they are in the places they're at.  Is the father missing because he 
went to the restroom, or to the police?
         That is all the rules I have for your viewing of little girls.  While 
watching a little girl isn't as fun as talking to her, or being her friend, it 
is pretty much the only pleasurable activity left to a pedophile.  It's a fun 
game too, tracking people, outflanking them, etc.  If you're a teenage nerd 
interested in teenage girls, this can be a fun way to look at them, since a 
schmuck like you obviously doesn't stand a chance of dating them.  
However if you're an "old fart", it's probably best to stick with girls 12 
and under.  The teens are too aware, and will happily report you to the 
police.
         Remember that little girls can in fact report you as well.  It's best 
to avoid making direct eye-contact with them, despite desperately 
wanting to let them know how much you like them.  I once made eye 
contact with a little girl, and she immediately told her dad, "There's a man 
looking at me."  Needless to say the father became quite angry.  How did I 
get rid of him?  I was at the mall, and found myself standing in front of a 
rack of Playboy videos.  (Those were the days when "special interest" 
tapes were racked together, including both children's tapes and Playboy!)  
By making myself look like a pervert interested in naked women, I was 
able throw the dad off.  He figured I couldn't possibly be interested in his 
daughter if I was so assiduously examining the Playboy tapes.  In fact, my 
interest in the naked Playboy ladies was only temporary, and due to his 
tattletale daughter!


                                           AND IN THE END...

         "America seems to have convinced itself that the world is an 
astonishingly dangerous place, and that the only way to keep these dangers 
at bay is to regulate even the most trivial bits of behavior.  ...Let America 
rise up in revolt against all the petty princelings of puritanism, before 
every aspect of social life is criminalised, pathologised, regulated or 
legislated out of existence."

         - The Economist, June 9, 2001, pg. 11.


----------------------- Dreamgirls! -----------------------
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