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Andrew Roller Presents
NAUGHTY NAKED DREAMGIRLS
in
BIKINI BRIGADE
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Chapter Twelve
ÒYouÕre sure this is the best way?Ó Al asked Matilda. The woman
frowned.
ÒIf it wasnÕt for all those midgets tackling them, theyÕd have run
away again,Ó Matilda said.
ÒItÕs only temporary,Ó Glenda said.
ÒWe should be grateful that the midgets have agreed to help us,Ó
Wilma said.
ÒOhhh, please let us go!Ó Katie cried. ÒI donÕt want to be covered
with peanut butter!Ó
ÒJust up to your necks, dear. So you wonÕt run away any more,Ó
Glenda said. She put a finger up to her throat. ÒThen weÕll load you aboard
a tumbril the midgets are building and take you home.Ó
ÒDonÕt you think the licorice is enough?Ó Al asked Matilda.
ÒLicorice?Ó Matilda said. ÒYou think tying those girlsÕ hands with
licorice is enough? Good heavens, theyÕll run away in no time. Pour the
peanut butter, you midgets! Not too hot! WeÕre not trying to scald the
girls, just keep them from running away again.Ó
Glenda Guilty looked over at a tumbril that was being constructed
out of licorice and peanut brittle. ÒYou think that thing is sturdy enough
to carry the girls back?Ó she asked.
ÒGod knows, it beats those damn lollipops they were blathering
about,Ó Matilda said. She looked past the tumbril at two lollipops floating
on the roadway. ÒHow do those two lollipop things stay afloat like that?
On the air?Ó
ÒSpecial effects,Ó Al said. He sipped peanut butter tea from a
peanut brittle cup as he watched a big vat of hot peanut butter about to be
poured into a peanut brittle tub. Katie and I were in the tub.
I pulled at the licorice binding my hands. My arms were tied behind
me to a post made of peanut brittle. I couldnÕt get free. I gazed at the
sides of the tub in which weÕd been placed. It came up to our necks.
We were surrounded by peanut people. They gazed at us with
fascinated eyes. I wished they would take pity on us. But Matilda, the
woman from Child Protective Services, had convinced Peanut Brittle Polly
that we were runaways who needed protection. We were, after all,
humans. And Matilda and her companions were humans. And we were lost.
There was no question of that. Of course, when Katie had seen Matilda,
sheÕd gone running right out Peanut Brittle PollyÕs front door, and IÕd
followed her. Matilda had called out that we must be captured. And, sure
enough, we were, tackled and held by dozens of peanuts, just like Gulliver
by the Lilliputians.
ÒOhhh, I have to go to the bathroom!Ó Katie hollared. She watched
with big eyes as a vat of peanut butter was tilted by the peanut people. It
bumped the side of our tub. Warm peanut butter began flowing into the
tub. ÒYooch!Ó Katie said. The peanut butter ran under our feet. Then it
rose up over our toes. Then it rose higher still, filling the tub to our
ankles.
ÒPour!Ó one of the peanut people called to his fellows. They tilted
the vat again. More peanut butter came pouring into the tub. We were
prisoners. We wouldnÕt be doing any running away now, not in a vat filled
with peanut butter! When it hardened weÕd be like eskimos frozen in ice.
The peanut butter rose up our legs.
ÒOne of the girls has to go to the bathroom!Ó Al said to Matilda.
ÒA ruse,Ó Matilda said. ÒSo she can run away again. Really, Al,
youÕre a sucker, you know that?Ó
ÒI like suckers,Ó Al said.
ÒWeÕll be home in an hour, IÕll bet,Ó Wilma said. ÒJust as soon as we
find a telephone.Ó
ÒThere must be one somewhere around here,Ó Glenda agreed. ÒWho
ever heard of building a big movie set and not having any telephones?Ó
ÒOook! WeÕre finished,Ó Katie said to me. A tear ran down her cheek.
ÒWeÕre captured, thatÕs for sure,Ó I told her.
ÒBy Child Protective Services,Ó Katie said. ÒNow I wonÕt be able to
watch MTV and I wonÕt be able to see Nick anymore or even to live with my
mom!Ó
ÒAnd worse,Ó I said. ÒWeÕre still in Candyland. WhoÕs to say we
wonÕt wind up in the clutches of Licorice Lad?Ó
ÒOh, BOO! HOOO! I donÕt want to be a prisoner of Licorice Lad!Ó Katie
bawled.
ÒWhatÕs see saying now?Ó Al asked.
ÒSheÕs crying,Ó Matilda said. ÒChildren are always crying. Pay it no
attention, Al. SheÕs just some little girl and, of course, sheÕs crying.Ó
ÒWhatÕs that?Ó Al asked. He pointed to the sky. A long object was
streaking across the fields.
ÒIt looks--Ó Glenda began.
ÒIt looks like a flying... a flying penis!Ó Matilda said. They watched
as the penis flew lower. It seemed to be holding something in its pee hole.
ÒItÕs heading... ItÕs heading directly toward us!Ó Al cried. He threw
himself to the ground. With a cry Matilda and Glenda and Wilma dove for
cover as the penis shot across the fields of peanuts and slammed directly
into the post where Katie and I were tied.
ÒEEEEYAH!Ó Katie cried. She and I were broken loose from the post.
It fell and shattered the walls of the tub that held us. The hot peanut
butter, up around our legs, oozed out of the smashed tub.
ÒHere, catch!Ó I heard, above me. I looked up. I saw a gun falling
toward me. It was the same gun that had been used to shoot the eclair
and, instinctively, I reached out and grabbed it. One fell toward Katie and
she just barely managed to catch it before it fell in the hot peanut butter
at our feet. ÒUse them to free yourselves!Ó the eclair called to us. It was
the same eclair Katie and I had helped earlier in the day. It turned and
began spraying the peanut people who surrounded us with cream from its
pee hole.
ÒYAHOOO!Ó Katie cried. She lifted her gun in the air. ÒWeÕre the
Bikini Brigade!Ó I figured out which end of my gun was the barrel and
clasped the handgrip and trigger at the other end. Peanuts began rushing
toward us. We had no time to lose.
ÒShoot them!Ó I yelled to Katie.
ÒWhich way do you point--?Ó Katie asked. Suddenly a big squirt of
marshmellow goo shot out of her gun. It knocked over two peanut people.
They screamed. They struggled with a big mass of white goo that now ran
over their bodies. They seemed unable to get up.
I fired my gun. I had grave misgivings about shooting people but
there seemed no other way. I watched as two peanuts went rolling
backwards. They seemed not to be hurt too badly. They were simply stuck.
To themselves.
ÒYes!Ó I cried. I shot more peanuts. ÒCome on, Katie! WeÕve got to
get to our lollipops!Ó
ÒWeÕre the Bikini Brigade!Ó Katie cried. ÒSay it, Bambi! Then theyÕll
think thereÕs more of us!Ó
ÒOkay--Ó I said, firing at more peanuts. ÒOut of the way, shorties!
WeÕre the Bikini Brigade!Ó
ÒBye, bye, peanuts!Ó Katie cried. She shot three more. It was
impossible not to hit them, for there were many of them, and they were
crowding forward, trying to capture us. I stepped out over the shattered
walls of the tub.
ÒWhich way are our lollipops?Ó Katie yelled to me.
ÒThis way!Ó I pointed.
We shot our way through the crowd. We found our lollipops where
weÕd left them alongside the road. One peanut tried to grab mine, but I
shot him. Then Katie and I mounted our lollipops. To the great amazement
of the peanuts, we made them dart up into the sky. They had only seen us
float down the street on them. Now we were flying, high over the
rooftops!
ÒWeÕre the Bikini Brigade!Ó Katie gushed to me. She fired more
rounds of marshmellow goo down at the crowd of peanuts below us.
ÒKatie, weÕre free. DonÕt keep shooting them,Ó I told her. The eclair
broke off from squirting them with his cream. Hovering in the air, he
called out to us.
ÒCome on, girls!Ó the eclair said. ÒI can take you to the Citadel!Ó
30
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