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Andrew Roller Presents
GOLD DIGGERS
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Chapter One
Amber was engrossed in a small, palm-sized magazine. It had a
glossy cover. It read, ÒAmazing Tales of Galactic Wonder.Ó A rocketship
on the cover streaked across a blazing, starlit sky. Somewhere in the
coverÕs far lower right corner a blue-green planet glimmered.
Amber read on her belly. Her small bottom stuck up behind her. It
was bare. Absently she flexed her bottomÕs plump cheeks as she read. Her
legs were bent at the knees. Her feet sailed above her bottom in gliding
circles. She was twiddling her toes.
ÒWhoÕre those shits?Ó Amber said aloud. Jim looked up. But the girl
was only reading from the text. He looked at her bottom. He grinned. She
was a sweet girl. And quite smackable.
ÒAmber, donÕt swear,Ó Jim said in a loud, fatherly voice. It was bad
enough, all heÕd gotten her into. He didnÕt need to be downgrading her
language as well.
Amber looked over her shoulder at Jim. Her shoulder was small,
bare. Like her bottom. Her face was elfin. She had big eyes. She gazed at
Jim. Then she stuck out her tongue.
ÒAnd whoÕs that big shit?Ó Amber asked, looking at Jim. She giggled.
Then she turned back to her magazine.
ÒWhoÕre those shits?Ó Amber said. She traced her finger across the
text. Then she read on, but silently.
ÒWhoÕre those shits?Ó Delta asked. He was a boy, perhaps 15,
staring out into space.
ÒThe planet is called ÔearthÕ,Ó the Mindserve answered. It was an
android. It stood next to the boy.
ÒThanks, Cock,Ó Delta said to the android. It always amused him to
call him ÔCock.Õ The Mindserve was a walking encyclopedia of knowledge,
but it had no sexual organs.
A second boy appeared. He walked up to Delta and the Mindserve. He
stared at the planet out beyond the glass of the Spaceport. His name was
Johnnie and he took knowledge too seriously. He asked, ÒWhatÕs ÔearthÕ
mean?Ó They all gazed at the planet.
ÒIt means,Ó Cock paused. ÒIt means ÔdirtÕ.Ó
ÒVery imaginative race,Ó Johnnie replied.
The ship glided lower toward the planet. It was blue green. It
circled an average star. It was the third planet out from that star.
Delta regarded the planet. He read its Tech Data, such as it was, as
their shipÕs computer brought it up onto viewscreens under the Spaceport.
Outside the Spaceport a vast wealth of stars glittered. Earth hung in the
screenÕs lower right corner. It grew larger as their space ship approached
it.
ÒBumpkinville,Ó Delta snorted. He guided the ship in closer toward
the planet. He turned to the boy beside him.
ÒHey Johnnie,Ó Delta said. ÒYou know those cherry bombs in the back
of our ship that we use to go prospecting?Ó
ÒFor gold? The A-bombs?Ó Johnnie asked.
ÒYah,Ó Delta nodded. ÒWe should do a flyby of those bumpkinsÕ
planet... whatÕs it called, Cock?Ó
ÒEarth,Ó the Mindserve replied.
ÒYeah, ÔdirtÕ,Ó Delta corrected. ÒWe should do a flyby of dirtball
there and drop two or three A-bombs. Start a dirtball war.Ó
ÒThermonuclear war,Ó Cock corrected. ÒThey appear to possess the
appropriate technological level. Our sensors are picking up numerous H-
bomb silos on the planetÕs surface,Ó Cock said.
ÒWhoa!Ó Johnnie said. ÒThose ÔbumpkinsÕ have *some* planetary
defense, Delt. Pull up or weÕre the ones whoÕre gonna get our backsides
shot off.Ó
ÒNah,Ó Delta answered. ÒTheir missiles only go up, then back down.
No threat to us at all. But we could start a Thermonuclear holiday for
them if we dropped a few cherry bombs. Wanna do it?Ó
Johnnie considered. ÒI think, based on their technological level, they
would have exhausted most of their gold supply. Probably their diamonds,
platinum too. WeÕre better off sticking to their asteroid belt. ItÕs rich,
undefended... they donÕt even know whatÕs out there.Ó
Delta laughed. ÒWaitÕll they get there and find itÕs all dug up.Ó
ÒTheyÕll consider that an important insight into life in the universe.
Probably thank us,Ó Johnnie said offhandedly.
ÒYeah, we could land and be gods,Ó Delta mused.
ÒWe need to take what weÕve already dug up and go home,Ó Johnnie
said. ÒPull the ship up. I donÕt like all those silos.Ó
ÒShit!Ó Delta said to Johnnie. ÒLook, IÕll do a swoop, drop a cherry
bomb, and *prove* to you all those missiles just drop back onto the
planet, okay? Here...Ó
Johnnie felt his weight alter slightly as their ship shot lower for a
pass across the face of the planet.
ÒIt will disrupt their pace of technological advance,Ó Cock warned.
ÒOh, yeah.. weÕll postpone the coming of the Bronze Age by a million
years. Who cares?Ó Delta replied. ÒNow watch, Johnnie.Ó
Somewhere along the underside of their ship the snouts of A-bomb
launchers appeared.
ÒDelt, are you sure?Ó Johnnie asked. He blinked and a manifest of
their cargo from the asteroid belt flashed onscreen. It was a good haul.
TheyÕd live free and easy on Betazoid for at least a week.
ÒWatch,Ó Delta said. Johnnie arched his neck slightly and thought he
glimpsed the downward glide of one of their cherry bombs. He saw it glint
against the planetÕs upper atmosphere and was glad to see his repair of
the mechanism on the previous day had been correct.
ÒMy child was touched!Ó a female voice screamed across the inside
of the ship.
ÒLook, IÕm picking up one of their broadcasts,Ó Delta said. He gave a
wry grin. ÒThe Stone Age, Live!Ó he crowed.
ÒIt will cause her permanent psychological harm... permanent
emotional scarring,Ó a composed male voice intoned.
ÒHer innocence is totally lost,Ó a woman, perhaps the host of ÔStone
Age, LiveÕ as Delt would have called her, declared. For some reason the
audience burst into applause.
ÒWeÕll be back after these commercials,Ó the host said.
ÒYouÕll be back,Ó Delta agreed, nodding.
Johnnie watched as the first of their cherry bombs exploded.
ÒWashington, D.C.,Ó Johnnie said, blinking, calling up a terrestrial
name onto a viewscreen. ÒI wonder what sort of place that is?Ó
ÒWas,Ó Delta said. They both watched the explosion. Another, some
distance north, followed.
ÒNew York,Ó the viewscreen glowed. Their shipÕs computer
pronounced the name of each location as it was hit.
A third explosion blossomed on the planetÕs surface.
ÒHicksville, N.Y.Ó their shipÕs computer announced. The name blared
out from a viewscreen. Their ship spoke the location in the barbaric
tongue of the inhabitants. On the viewscreen, the names of the places
glowed in both the planetÕs alphas and their own, decidedly more advanced,
language. Johnnie muted the viewscreenÕs sound so they wouldnÕt have to
listen to their ship read out the barbaric pronunciations of the bumpkinsÕ
cities.
Delta gave a mischievous grin. He touched a dial and their ship
scanned the planetÕs surface.
ÒNow, watch,Ó Delta said. He pointed. ÒThere. Look. Their silos are
starting to open.Ó
ÒItÕs a full scale assault!Ó Johnnie screamed. ÒGoddammit pull up,
Delta! WeÕre gonna get major damage and I donÕt want to have to repair
half the sh--Ó Momentarily, Johnnie and Delta struggled for control of the
ship. The Mindserve watched placidly.
Delta, being the stronger, won. But he did glide the ship upward to
keep his friend happy. After all, Johnnie was the one who oversaw all the
mechanical work. Delta liked the way Johnnie made the ship run. Nice and
smooth. And fast.
ÒStunning,Ó the Mindserve said. It gazed out the Spaceport. It read
the viewscreens beneath it.
Johnnie forgot the tug-of-war with Delt. He glanced out the
Spaceport to see what the Mindserve was watching. But he saw only the
mushroom residue of their own bombs on the planetÕs surface. So far.
ÒMore,Ó Delta said. There was a slight tinge of awe in his voice.
They had dropped their bombs. Three Òcherry bombsÓ. A-bombs. But now
much more was being launched. Not from them. From the planet itself. A
backside sensor reading of the planetÕs surface glimmered onto a
viewscreen. It showed that the other side of the planet was opening up.
Blossoming. With thermonuclear bombs. With launches. With upward
trajectories. In several places.
ÒChina,Ó read the viewscreen. It displayed a map of the other side of
the planet, picked up by the sensor scan, supplemented by maps sifted
from unprotected planetside computers.
ÒRussia.Ó
ÒIndia.Ó
ÒPakistan.Ó
ÒIsrael.Ó
ÒIraq.Ó
Iraq seemed to offer something less than the standard
thermonuclear response, however. Johnnie gave a slight grin when he saw
that their ship suffered no threat whatever from IraqÕs missiles. They
seemed to have no nuclear warheads at all.
ÒIraq believes in peace,Ó Delta said wryly. ÒTheyÕre sending us
flowers.Ó
ÒCongratulations, Delt. You lit up the whole planet,Ó Johnnie said to
his friend.
ÒSee?Ó Delta said. He nodded at a viewscreen displayed under their
Spaceport. ÒYou can tell already from their missilesÕ flightpaths. All
those suckers are falling back to earth. Every one. Not a single one will
touch us.Ó
ÒYeah,Ó Johnnie agreed. ÒWanna monitor their broadcasts and see
what they have to say about it?Ó
ÒNot much,Ó Delta said. ÒThey wonÕt be talking too much longer. So
long, Bumpkins.Ó Johnnie felt the ship lift higher and faster. They were
headed once again for Betazoid.
ÒNo ability to take along a living environment,Ó the Mindserve
observed. He was reading some Tech Level screens about earth. ÒThey
only lived on the planet itself. They possessed no space capable thrust...
no engines.Ó
ÒSee, Johnnie?Ó Delta said to his friend. ÒThey donÕt *have* any
technological level. Look at the screens the Mindserve brought up. No
engine capability whatsoever. They couldnÕt go anywhere. They spent
their entire existence sitting on that dirtball. A whole universe to
explore, and all they ever did was sit in one place.Ó
ÒAnd look up,Ó Johnnie said. ÒThey do have some radio telescopes.Ó
ÒWow,Ó Delta said wryly.
ÒOkay, well, whatever. We bombed Bumpkinville,Ó Johnnie said. He
seemed to have lost interest in the subject. Even the coming planet-wide
explosion, caused by earthÕs own missiles dropping back down on it,
wouldnÕt be worth watching. Their shipÕs long range scanners would have
to pick it up for them. That Ôclimax,Õ such as it was, wouldnÕt happen for
another half hour. Even earthÕs sea-borne missiles would need another
eight minutes to reach their destinations. They could be in the next solar
system by then.
ÒBetazoid,Ó Delta sat down in a chair. It lifted from the floor to
accommodate him. Delta gave the chair a satisfied swivel. He liked being
the Captain. He seemed to have forgotten their bombing run too. A
morningÕs lark. They had bombed Ôbumpkinville.Õ It wouldnÕt even be worth
mentioning on Betazoid.
THE END
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