Andrew Roller Presents
FUCK DECENCY
Issue No. 30
Naughty Naked Dreamgirls in
Love Child
Chapter Thirteen
A few more days slipped past. The grandee took his wife shopping in
the city and brought back presents for us. Presents we could keep. Rings,
earrings, little baubles to spice a girlÕs fancy. We sashayed around the
house in clothing all the time now. We did not want the Mexican women or
their children to see our nakedness. In the evening we played ping pong,
sometimes with the grandeeÕs business friends watching. We never wore
bras and our breasts would bounce lewdly as we knocked the little white
ball back and forth to each other. In the daytime we often lounged by the
pool, though the grandee insisted we stay in the shade and keep our
boobies and bottoms covered. He said there were enough dark women in
Mexico. We would order the mexican women to leave off their digging or
washing and bring us mint juleps. WeÕd lounge about and gossip with each
other, read People magazine, play tic-tac-toe in the back of the T.V. Guide.
(He kept english language copies for us, special subscriptions from
America.)
ÒAre you having fun girls?Ó the grandee asked us one evening at
dinner.
ÒYes!Ó we all gushed in response.
ÒAnd how are your bottoms?Ó he asked. Our faces sobered.
ÒAll better,Ó ÒAll better,Ó ÒAll better,Ó we piped up reluctantly.
After dinner he made us stand in a line and drop our shorts. He
examined each of us, looking at our seats but not touching us.
A mexican woman came into the dining room to collect our dishes.
She looked at us. Her eyes seemed to smile with wicked delight. I felt
fear in my tummy and tried desperately to quash it.
###
It was a flight to nowhere. Pretend Airlines, it was called, and the
grandee had built it in his basement. There was a cushioned bench in the
middle of the room. It was equipped with seatbelts. Beyond lay the
Òcockpit,Ó where the stewardesses of Pretend Airlines might be flown
however the passengers wished them to be.
Three men from the village were to be our passengers. The grandee
said they were nephews of his. They arrived wearing business suits. They
were strapping men, a bit surly, ÒdifficultÓ passengers who threatened to
run a poor stewardess ragged.
All around the pretend airlines set-up the mexican women of the
house sat in chairs with their children. They were ÒpassengersÓ only in
the sense that they got to watch. We were mortified when we walked into
the basement and saw them there. But they simply gazed back at us. They
sat with their children, waiting for the ÒflightÓ to begin. They did not
mind having their children see the antics of white American women.
ÒHi! My nameÕs Tiffany,Ó Tiff began, speaking to the men as they
strode past her and took their seats. Her voice had an air of forced
cheeriness. ÒIÕm the head stewardess on this flight and IÕll be the one
primarily responsible for your pleasure. If you have any problems with the
service, please let me know about it!Ó There was laughter among the men.
ÒNow this is a pleasure flight, boys, but I expect you to behave. Do you
think you can do that?Ó They nodded, but you could tell they might choose
to misbehave at any moment. However they were a little in awe of us, I
think, theyÕd never flown on an airplane. They looked around the basement
expectantly, as if any moment they expected us to actually take off.
WeÕd spent hours being made up for this flight. Our hair was perfect,
combed down over our shoulders in glossy waves. Our nails on our fingers
and on our toes were carefully shaped and painted. Our bodies had been
rubbed all over with baby oil, vigorously, until the oil had been absorbed
completely by our skin, leaving behind a healthy, vibrant glow. Mexican
ladies had done all the work, beauticians from the village. Women with
broken nails and hair streaked with grey. They spent most of their days in
the fields, not the beauty parlor, for there werenÕt enough customers.
Two days earlier a seamstress had arrived from the village. SheÕd
made us take off all our clothes in the upstairs bedroom and sheÕd
measured us meticulously. Then she and several helpmates had sewn our
flight uniforms for the grandee and his nephewÕs pleasure.
Glancing at Tiffany, you might think weÕd done alright. She wore a
pilotÕs cap upon her head, with a straight black bill in front and official-
looking ÒmacaroniÓ above it. A slinky black shirt with a straight hemline
covered her torso. The shirt had a turtle neck and long sleeves. Epaulets
adorned her shoulders, each with four stripes, showing her rank.
Her legs were encased in long black boots of the finest leather that
came up to her knees, where they had a ÒgatheredÓ cuff. Above that were
her stockings, black fishnet, but with threads so closely criss-crossed
that you could barely discern her skin beneath. Looking at her thighs, you
might think that the stockings were pants legs. Only there werenÕt any
Òpants.Ó Just the stocking/leggings, rising up to her thigh tops, then
stopping abruptly. Between the tops of her stockings and the hem of her
shirt you could just make out the lower half of her white cotton panties.
To make her look even more officious, the grandee had given Tiffany
glasses to wear. She stood before the passengers now, checking her
manifest to make sure they were all Òaboard.Ó Holding a clipboard in her
left hand, she put a pencil to her lips with her right.
Meanwhile, the rest of us fidgeted. We were dressed the same as
Tiffany from the waist up, but with less stripes on our bars. We wore no
glasses. From the hemline of our shirts to our feet we were completely
bare. We stood around the ÒcabinÓ in high heels, to elevate our bottoms.
Our legs flashed nakedly when we walked. White flesh, with our shirts
riding up in back exposing our creamy asses. They looked like cream puffs,
jutting out sassily at the Mexican ladies and their children.
ÒGentlemen, I must make sure that you didnÕt forget to bring any of
your equipment,Ó Tiffany said to the grandeeÕs nephews. ÒPlease unzip
yourselves so I can check.Ó Proudly the men undid their trousers and
displayed their cocks to her. They were big and brown and pulsed with the
vigor of the countryside. Politely Tiffany tapped each one once with her
pencil eraser, then replaced it in her lips, studied her manifest a moment,
and then called me forward.
ÒWeÕll need some measurements of this equipment so I can properly
adjust the planesÕ ballast,Ó she told me. I saluted her smartly. The girls
and I got a ruler from a table and we measured off each manÕs cock and
announced the figure to Tiffany. The mexican ladies murmured at the
sizes.
ÒTen inches! Eleven on this one! Oh, my! This one is twelve inches
long!Ó I cried, the other girls joining in with me as I announced the
numbers.
ÒHmmm, IÕll need the circumference also,Ó Tiffany replied. We went
back to the table and rummaged around. We returned with a cloth tape
measure. With delicate hands we wrapped each manÕs cock with a loop of
the tape. Again we announced the figures. The women had grown fine
young men, good for more than plowing fields.
ÒLastly we will need the specific gravity of their balls,Ó Tiffany
said. Have them stand and drop their trousers. Amber, get a pitcher of
cream, warm cream, so their balls wonÕt become chilly. Make them stand
with their legs apart and lift out their balls and plop them into the pitcher
of cream. Then look inside and guesstimate how much cream has been
displaced.Ó
The first man to be measured this way made the cream spill out of
the top of the pitcher. It ran down the insides of his hairy thighs, down to
his pants where they lay crumpled around his ankles.
ÒOh my, well I guess weÕll just have to do the best we can,Ó Tiffany
sighed. She wrote down AmberÕs wildly made up guesstimate of Ò40
pounds.Ó
ÒGood heavens! We can never take off with that much weight on
board,Ó Tiffany exclaimed.
ÒWhat shall we do?Ó Amber giggled.
ÒI shall have to take off my panties to compensate,Ó Tiffany
announced. She put down her clipboard and pencil on a chair. Then,
bending her knees daintily, she rolled her panties down her legs and
carefully plucked them past the cuffs of her boots.
Holding them as one might a piece of rubbish, disdainfully, letting
them dangle down, she walked over to the edge of our pretend airplane and
dropped them. ÒThere,Ó she announced as they landed on the floor, as if
theyÕd fallen out the door of the plane to the asphalt tarmac below. She
walked back to us and picked up her clipboard once more. ÒI do hope you
other boys have been fucking a little more than this one has, or I may have
to get completely naked!Ó Tiffany said. The men grinned. They longed to
see the big boobies that bulged with such promise within her tight flight
shirt.
We had lost so much cream that we decided to refill the pitcher.
Somehow the grandee had thought to provide us with a whole bottle of it,
sitting on a warmer on our utility table in our make-believe flight kitchen.
We refilled the pot and measured the next manÕs nuts. ÒForty-five
pounds!Ó Amber announced happily, spilling even more cream this time and
leaving a milky pool in the center of the manÕs descended trousers.
ÒWell!Ó Tiffany announced. ÒI am the head stewardess, you know. I
do have certain privileges because of my rank. Amber, I want you to take
off your shirt.Ó The girl looked slightly taken aback. She had been hoping
to get Tiffany undressed with her fantastic measurements. ÒYes, Amber,Ó
Tiffany nodded solemnly. ÒOff with your shirt right away so we can get
airborne.Ó
ÒI could take my hat off instead, that would do,Ó Amber said.
ÒNo, your hat means you are an official Pretend Airlines
stewardess,Ó Tiffany replied. ÒYou must keep that on. Take off your shirt.
You donÕt have any rank anyway.Ó
ÒI have three whole stripes, look at them!Ó Amber said, pointing to
her epaulets.
ÒYes, but it was a mistake by the seamstress,Ó Tiffany replied. ÒYou
are the official milk maid on this flight, still a stewardess of course.Ó
She was making it up as she went along, I could see, but the men obviously
didnÕt care. Roles were being created even as we played. I wondered what
title IÕd eventually get. Official hot seat?
THE PERVERTÕS COURT!
ÒHere, sir, the perverts rule.Ó
by holy joe
Products Liability - Unforeseeable Misuse
[Another hard day in Sacredtomato Superior Court:]
HOLY, C.J. Presiding: John Jones, you are brought here today on various
charges, but I am going to deal today only with various tort claims that
have been made against the manufacturer of the Watersport Dildo. For the
sake of the record, Mr. Jones, would you please recite, as a witness, the
facts of this case for us?
Jones: Well, it goes like this, your honor. My Dildo Emporium was
finally recovering from that awful financial beating it took from those
damn ÒLuxury FuckÓ dildoes I installed. Just when I was finally making a
good living again, a competitor moved in across the street. Ace Dildos,
itÕs called. ItÕs a wholesaler, like Walmart. All the nuns started going
there, and the schoolgirls too...
Holy: So what did you do about this?
Jones: Well, I had recently bought these Watersport Dildos, from the
Watersport Dildo company. They are not made for sticking up your cunt or
your ass. They are simply an entertainment.
Holy: What do you do with them? What is their intended use?
Jones: You put them in an aquarium. Each Watersport Dildo has a
propeller on the back. If you put it in the water, like into a bathtub, or, in
my store, in an aquarium, they will buzz around in the water, scaring fish,
or little girls in a bathtub or a swimming pool.
Holy: Well, IÕm glad you were just scaring your fish in your fishtank
with them, and not little girls!
Jones: Certainly not, your honor! But, anyway, I was sitting there
watching these Watersport Dildos buzz around in my aquarium, when I
decided on a plan to wipe out my competitor.
Holy: Stop right there! Let us now introduce evidence with regard to
the Watersport Dildos in this case. Clerk of the Court, read into the
record the evidence we have gathered.
Clerk: Well, your honor, we have made several findings with regard
to these Watersport Dildos.
Holy: The first question I have is, were the dildos in question in this
case properly made, according to the design specifications of the
Watersport Company?
Clerk: IÕm not sure I understand the question...
Holy: Think of it this way. A thousand tires are made at a factory.
999 of them come out okay. One of them comes out screwy. It blows up.
This is a manufacturing defect. There is nothing wrong with the tireÕs
design, it simply got screwed up during the manufacturing process, for
some reason or other.
Clerk: No, your honor. The dildos in this case seem to have all been
properly manufactured.
Holy: All right, now let us look at the design of those dildos. Were
they properly designed?
Clerk: For their intended purpose, your honor, being used as a mere
entertainment in an aquarium, they seem to be perfectly well designed,
using state of the art technology.
Holy: Did these dildos come with any kind of a warning attached?
Clerk: Yes, they came with a warning that said, in large, red letters:
Intended Only for Use in aquariums or in other small bodies of water. DO
NOT USE WHERE PEOPLE ARE PRESENT.
Holy: Alright. Now in the case at bar, these dildos shattered. Am I
right?
Clerk: Yes, your honor.
Holy: Let us look, then, at foreseeable unintended use. Somebody
might try to stick this non-shatterproof dildo up their cunt or their ass.
Is there a warning against that?
Clerk: Yes, your honor, it says right on the dildo, in large letters: DO
NOT STICK THIS UP YOUR ASS. And on the other side it says: LADIES,
FEMINISTS, AND HILLARY CLINTON: DO NOT STICK UP YOUR CUNT.
Holy: Because, one would think, the dildo might shatter.
Clerk: ThatÕs correct, your honor. In fact, as I see right here, it
says: THESE DILDOS MAY SHATTER if used in a Manner for which they were
Not designed. Use only as intended.
Holy: Okay, now let us look at foreseeable misuse. Are there any
warnings pertaining to that?
Clerk: Right here, your honor: DO NOT EAT.
Holy: Because a little girl might try to eat the dildo and gag on it?
Clerk: ThatÕs correct.
Holy: Very good. Now, Mr. Jones, will you please tell us what you did
with these Watersport Dildos?
Jones: Uh, your honor, I decided to try to put my competitor out of
business. I took the dildos out of my aquarium. I removed the propeller on
the back of each dildo. I went to a store and bought little model airplane
engines. I stuffed one engine up inside each dildo. Then I attached a real
model airplane propeller to the back of each dildo.
Holy: And what did you discover when you did this?
Jones: I discovered that not only is it true that the ÒMan Will Never
FlyÓ society was wrong, but the ÒDildos Will Never FlyÓ society was
wrong too! I feel I am the contemporary equivalent of the Wright
Brothers, your honor.
Holy: So you invented the first flying dildos. Congratulations. What
did you do with these flying dildos?
Jones: I set up a battery of Watersport Dildos out on my front walk.
Then I fired them off in a missile attack against my competitor across the
street. Man! You should have seen those nuns and schoolgirls come running
out of that store! Those dildos went flying in there and shattered all over
the place, like shrapnel! ThatÕll teach my customers to shop with a
competitor. And it should teach that fat ass discounter, Mr. Ace, for
daring to compete with Me, the Inventor of the Flying Dildo!
Holy: Now I know why you have appeared in court today wearing
aviator attire, Mr. Jones... Here is my summation and ruling on this case:
1. The Watersport Dildos in this case were not defective. They were
properly made.
2. The Watersport Dildos were properly designed, using state of the
art technology.
3. The Watersport Dildos came with a warning which guarded
against:
A- Foreseeable unintended use (buttfucking, cuntfucking).
B- Foreseeable misuse (eating them).
Hence, the only question before us is that of Unforeseeable Misuse,
i.e., altering the dildos to turn them into flying dildos, not Watersport
Dildos, and then using them to launch a missile attack against persons and
property. While it is true that in this case the dildos did shatter, harming
people and property, I hold that the harm caused to the aforesaid people
and property was so unforeseeable to the Watersport Company as to render
it completely innocent of the harm that was caused. The only remaining
defendant in this case, therefore, is John Jones himself, who altered the
dildos and shot them off at nuns, schoolgirls, and the Ace Dildo store
across the street. Mr. Jones, what have you got to say for yourself?
Jones: Boy, IÕm sure glad IÕve been eating steak and lobster every
day since I shot off those dildos!
Holy: What?! You mean you went out and spent all your assets? You
mean youÕre broke?!
Jones: Well, I have a valuable issue of Playboy, from 1979. I guess I
could try hawking that for $50...
Holy: This brings up the question, then, of: Is this product so totally
lacking in benefit that there is no need for it to be sold AT ALL, given that
the dildos do in fact shatter under certain circumstances. On the one
hand, we have the potential risk of these dildos, that they may shatter. On
the other hand, we have the benefit of these dildos, that you can put them
in an aquarium and watch them scare your fish. I find these dildos to be
so useless to our society that their risk outweighs their benefit. Nobody
but a moron would put dildos in a fishtank! Hence, I hereby hold the
Watersport Dildo Company strictly liable for all the harm that has been
caused in this case, because they never should have made this stupid
product in the first place. CASE CLOSED!
----------------------- Fuck Decency! -----------------------
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