From: "mR. aNNoYed" <just@do.it>
Subject: MAIL BOMB THIS FUCK
Date: 1 Apr 97 11:20:29 GMT
EditorÕs Note: Thanks to whoever spammed the above message
around the Net. Although it didnÕt get me any spam, it did get me more
subscribers in a single day than in any other day IÕve been online. (With
the possible exception of the days when I first debuted Naughty Naked
Dreamgirls on the Internet two years ago.)
IÕm forced to wonder if this spammer works for the government,
since government plans usually backfire. In any event, thanks! With
enemies like you, mr. spammer, who needs friends?
Andrew Roller Presents
FUCK DECENCY
Issue No. 232
Naughty Naked Dreamgirls in
Cunt Castle
Chapter One
ÒReady, boys?Ó she asked. With delicate fingers she squeezed the
balls.
ÒWhoa,Ó Louis blurted, feeling the first pangs of pleasure as the
sheath in the glass gripped him more tightly. ÒIt feels just like a cunt.Ó
ÒItÕs supposed to,Ó Rose smiled. She squeezed the balls in her hands
rhythmically. With each new squish of them the men felt yet more
pressure upon their cocks. LouisÕ face turned red. He was like a virgin,
experiencing this particular depravity for the first time. I was delighted I
could see him in his newborn state, with no preconceptions, none of his
cynical moods. This was real, heÕd never felt it, and it had him not by the
balls but by his most precious asset of all, his dong. Andre had a little
smile on his face, as if to say, ÒAh, yes. I remember this. It made me feel
guilty, but it got rid of my blue balls.Ó I giggled and looked at Polly. She
stared wide-eyed. She did not notice AndreÕs guilt. She was just a child.
She had seen so little in life she could not pick up the nuances an adult
like me could. Well, I was only a year older than her, but I was ahead of
her, that was for sure. As she sat enthroned on the Potty, wondering at
her fate, I tried to feel more secure. I was with the man I loved.
ShouldnÕt that be enough? Polly was too, but she felt a childÕs love, a
marvelling kind of love that was unreflected upon, like a girl seeing her
first lollipop. IÕd tasted lollipops and liked them.
----------------------------------------------------------------
A R E A D I N G F U N D has been established for Stephen Knox, imprisoned
in a federal penitentiary for ordering a swimsuit video featuring teenage
girls. To help provide books to Knox (formerly a Phd. candidate at Penn
State), send any amount to: Uncommon Desires Newsletter, P.O. Box 2377,
New York, NY 10185. Make checks payable to: Ophelia Editions.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Our twin popsicle boys were up to their ears in pressure. They
gritted their teeth, watching with fretful eyes as Rose gave yet more
pumps to the little balls in her hands. She proceeded slowly now, letting
each man savor the interval, if he could, wondering if each pump would be
her last, hoping it would be.
Squish! Rose gave a final squeeze, or so I hoped, to the balls. She
grinned at the men with the smile of a contented cat. They would not dare
disobey her now. ÒI hope you donÕt drink too much,Ó Rose said, as the men
ordered more liquor from the maid, to ease their sweating brows. ÒAfter
all, youÕll need my permission to pee. I donÕt really think you want to try
going inside those things, do you? It would just add to the pressure, if
your urine could come out at all!Ó Louis nodded, grunted. ÒJust try to get
used to it, Louis. AndreÕs been there before, havenÕt you, Andre?Ó
ÒI never pumped mine up this much,Ó Andre confessed.
ÒWell, youÕre in a ladiesÕ hands now,Ó Rose replied. ÒYou men, when
you masturbate you do just as you please, donÕt you? My, my, thatÕs no
way to have fun. You must put yourself in a womanÕs hands. Let her decide
how fast, or how slow, how hard, or how easy. As for me, I expect the
most from my men. YouÕre both so big and strong, and proud of your
muscles. Well, youÕre penises mustnÕt be spared. Their training must be
just as rigorous. ThatÕs why I keep these Penis Pumpers on hand. I mean, I
have no use for them myself, hmmm? No, theyÕre just for unruly
customers, or, sometimes, if theyÕre lucky, for special customers like you
boys, big strong men used to having their way. Well, not in my house. The
girls are yours to do as you please with, but we must always remember
that between yourselves and me, IÕm the one who sets the rules.Ó
----------------------------------------------------------------
The Complete Naughty Naked Dreamgirls! This is an 8.3 megabyte Stuffit
file containing all my written work to date. Like the Gospel of Christ, itÕs
free. System Requirements: America Online Member (it wonÕt ship over
the Internet), Macintosh, Stuffit (Expander), WriteNow writing program (or
the ability to open WriteNow files). 18 & up. From: roller666@aol.com
----------------------------------------------------------------
Louis shifted in his chair. He flexed his arms. They were like bullÕs
flanks, wide and muscular. ÒI ought to walk over there and break your
neck!Ó Louis scowled.
Rose flinched. Her skin was so white, so delicate, her neck rising
from her bare shoulders constricted a moment, then eased. ÒYes, I like
finding the very roughest men, who can still be trained, though not,
perhaps, by others, and breaking them to my will,Ó she said. Her face
looked a little worried, but she tried to smile. ÒItÕs that simple, Louis.
AndreÕs no problem. I enjoy him, who wouldnÕt? But itÕs men like you I
really seek, Louis. O.J. types, rough and tough and not afraid to take me on.
I guess I try to scare myself a little. But anyway, there you have it, Louis.
ItÕs better to be truthful, I suppose. You could probably leap right up and
strangle me, and kill everyone here to hide your crime, but thatÕs what
draws me to you, Louis. Please donÕt spoil it for me. Play along a little.
Rein in your lust and your anger.Ó
NAKED AT THE NEWSSTAND
by holy joe
In honor of all my new subscribers, I went and bought some porn
at the bookstore for review in this zine. I was selective, however. I
only came home with ten magazines. HereÕs a quick review of each one
so you can decide if itÕs worth your money. (Hustler wasnÕt available.)
Playboy, May 1997, $4.95.
Review: What a great cover! I would love to fuck this girl.
Unfortunately, sheÕs top supermodel Claudia Schiffer. Claudia, please, I
realize you donÕt walk by dumpsters too often, but if you ever do, would
you please peek inside? I might be in there!
Note to ÒParadiseÓ magazine: get a girl who looks like Claudia
and put her in your next issue. Or do you have a fetish for women who
need pacemakers?
This issue of Playboy features a truly spectacular Playmate. Her
centerfold is breathtaking, and inventive. In the ÒinteriorÓ pages of her
pictorial, she romps around in delicious white stockings. If youÕre
looking for a body thatÕs perfect, this girl has it! (IÕd tell you her name
but IÕve already yanked my issue apart, so I can see all my favorite
photos of her at once. IÕm scared to fool with them while IÕm typing
this, lest I somehow wrinkle, dent or damage them. Anyway, who cares
what her name is?)
ThereÕs also a wonderful photo of 1974 Playmate of the Year
Cyndi Wood in this issue (pg. 117).
Penthouse, May 1997, $5.99.
Review: Could I skip this one? I want to jack off to it later and
if I open it and look at it now, my fun will be spoiled. (ThereÕs no time
like the first time!) Thanks.
....
(I got desperate)
This monthÕs Penthouse Pet holds a lollipop while peeing into a
toilet. Then she uses her lollipop as a ball gag.
Claudia Schiffer is on the cover of Penthouse. SheÕs also naked
inside! Unlike the normal celebrity pictorial (which is usually
worthless), ClaudiaÕs pictorial is top-notch masturbation material.
SheÕs photographed up close. She smiles and plays with flowers and
shows her important parts. (Hmmm, now I see that her name is
actually ÒClaudia Bajmlova.Ó I have no idea whatÕs going on. She looks
like Claudia Schiffer.) (The mailman liked her. He opened my
Penthouse, read it, and then re-sealed it with a small strip of tape. No
kidding. He also dented it.)
Marilyn Manson is in this issue. He has no penis! Look for
yourself -- page 46. (I finally found someone that IÕm genitally
superior to.)
ThereÕs also lots more great stuff in this issue but, like I said, I
donÕt want to spoil it by looking at it too much while IÕm Ôworking.Õ
Variations Best Letters, Spring 1997, $5.00.
Review: What a great cover! Bob Guccione has this nasty habit of
publishing a worthless issue of something and then putting such a juicy
cover on it that I HAVE to buy it! This cover is no exception.
Fortunately, this issue of Variations is a ÒBestÓ issue. IÕve found those
issues are quite good, compared to the usual issue of Variations. So
far, peeking inside, IÕve found a great story in the ÒSpankingÓ section
and also the ÒFemale DominationÓ section. (In ÒFemale Domination,Ó a
guy is forced by his girlfriend to visit the menÕs room while theyÕre
dining in a restaurant. He must remove his underpants and then bring
them back out to their table and give them to her. Amazing...)
(IÕm not wearing my underpants right now, in case any (young)
ladies want to have them...)
(Sorry about the diarrhea stain in them...)
Club Confidential, May 1997, $5.99.
Review: ÒLaurenÓ gets deliciously messy playing with food.
ÒPussy PlayÓ is very weird, but at the same time alarmingly exciting.
A cute little nurse and her patient decide to wear dildos and fuck each
other. ItÕs really strange looking at these girls wearing big penises in
every photo. If you get hard, are you a fag? Trust me, these are quite
sexy photos. Otherwise IÕd probably write something damning this
pictorial.
Mayfair, Volume 32, Number 1, $6.99.
Review: One look at the cover featuring Claire the Art Student
sticking her ass in my face sent me straight to heaven. (IÕd say more
but, like I said, looking now might spoil my Ògreat shoot outÓ later.)
Incidentally, this brings up the question of storage. With a great
magazine like this, with ClairÕs butt on the cover, you donÕt want to
take any chances of damaging it. Go to the grocery and buy ÒZiploc
Gripper Zipper Jumbo Storage Bags.Ó This will ensure that your
magazine is kept in perfect condition.
PlayboyÕs College Girls, $6.95.
Review: The big question that IÕm hoping to answer when I
masturbate over this issue is, is Jackeline Marie of PlayboyÕs Lingerie
Model Search inside? I donÕt know yet. I havenÕt thoroughly explored
the issue. But there are many, many beautiful babes posing in very
sexy, creative ways. This issue was almost sold out at Tower. I got
the last undented copy. The rest were practically destroyed. Even this
one has a few unfortunate dents in it from rough handling.
PlayboyÕs Twenty-One Playmates, $6.95.
Review: Last month I noticed that a Playboy Newsstand Special
had a problem. Some pages were fine. Others looked like Ôrecycled
paper.Õ Fortunately, the bad paper happened to coincide with boring
photos, so I bought the issue and didnÕt mind. I assumed it was a
manufacturing error. This month, the problem is back. In this issue, a
wonderful photo of Playmate Penny Baker taking a bath is totally ruined
because itÕs been reproduced on a page that looks like recycled paper.
This is a nasty trick PlayboyÕs pulling on us. The prior page looks fine,
but the Ôbath pageÕ looks terrible. This canÕt be a manufacturing flaw.
Playboy is slipping low-grade paper in with normal grade paper, hoping
we wonÕt notice. Well, I did. IÕm pissed. FUCK Y0U, Playboy. There is
no other magazine that uses shitty paper like this. Your ÔregularÕ
magazine is printed on tissue paper. Now your Newsstand Specials are
a sneaky mix of normal paper and shitty recycled paper. There is no
excuse for this kind of chicanery.
IÕm not even going to review the rest of this issue, because I
donÕt want to tempt people with purposely defective merchandise.
PlayboyÕs Spring Break Video, $19.98.
Review: Sorry, I canÕt find this yet at Tower. But itÕs advertised
in the back of PlayboyÕs College Girls and it looks outstanding. The box
alone is worth $19.98.
The Girls of Penthouse, May 1997, $5.50.
Review: Belive it or not, I bought this issue for the clothing some
of the Pets are wearing. Otherwise, itÕs a very boring issue. I
personally am getting sick of Bob GuccioneÕs newsstand magazines.
They all look the same to me. They all have a Ôcertain look.Õ ItÕs boring
me. Maybe Bob should hire some Mayfair photographers.
Club International, May 1997, $5.99
Review: I canÕt exactly remember why I bought this issue. Lots
of people are naked in it. That must be the reason.
Oh, yeah! This is what I went to Tower for. (IÕd seen an ad for
this issue in last monthÕs issue of this magazine.) ThereÕs a luscious
blonde in this issue who strips out of her riding gear in front of a fire.
Riding boots, riding clothes, a riding crop, plus a beautiful blonde, are
always a winner with me.
Babe, April 1997, $6.99.
Review: I didnÕt bother looking at this magazine last month. I
guess I was under the influence of propaganda from ÒEnough is Enough!Ó
Anyway, this month, with only 10 magazines in my arms, I decided to
give it a look.
I made a mistake in skipping it last month. ÒCaught in the Act!Ó
features a very cute pictorial of a young girl having a bath. SheÕs
outdoors, bathing her dog in a metal tub, when she decides to join him.
DonÕt make me spoil this pictorial for later by inspecting it too closely
right now, okay? This may be the best pictorial in all the magazines
IÕve bought.
Also in this issue, thereÕs a pictorial of two women having a
pillow fight! I remember seeing a Penthouse very long ago, back in the
70Õs, of two girls having a pillow fight. I really liked it, but
unfortunately I threw it away in one of my guilt-attacks over too much
masturbating. Fortunately, I can now use this pictorial as a kind of
replacement.
ThereÕs other great photos in this issue too. What a Godsend it
was that this last copy, sitting alone on the newsstand, was almost
completely undamaged. Hopefully if you missed this issue God has left
one at your newsstand for you.
(If not, hereÕs their phone number: 1-212-966-8400.)
Globe, April 8, 1997, $1.39.
Review: WhatÕs this doing here? A common supermarket tabloid,
wedged in among my armful of porn. Little JonBenet Ramsey is on the
cover again. If I were a pervert, IÕd say itÕs one of the cutest shots IÕve
seen of her yet. However, since IÕm not a pervert, I wonÕt say that.
Innocence.
Review: I know you think I jack off to this magazine, but in fact I
chose NOT to buy it. The girls werenÕt cute enough. Anyway, hereÕs
another example for feminists of how theyÕve transformed the market
for females (and porn). Ladies, this magazine didnÕt exist until you
decided to legislate male tastes. Now it does. Happy?
(IÕd write the date and price of the magazine but, like I said, I
left it on the rack at Tower Books and chose not to buy it.)
(Anyone want to send it to me for free?)
AND IN THE END...
ÒPrior to age 40 a female is simply not competent to engage in
sexual relations. It is important that these early, pre-sexual years be
devoted to studying feminist thought and theory so that she will
(hopefully) choose the lesbian lifestyle alternative when she comes of
age.Ó
- A. Dork(in) Mature Matron Quarterly, pg. 10.
Mature Matron Quarterly web site: http://dvdimension.com/daddysgirls
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-END OF 232 EMISSION
- JonBenet says, ÒIÕm on the UFO with HeavenÕs Gate and they donÕt have
any bathrooms up here!Ó