Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. Paradise Lost, Paradise Regained, Part 2 With an icy lump burning my bowls, I sat at the opposite side of the tiny kitchen table. In another life it had been fun to press her thighs or caress them with my while sitting there, but now I did my best to avoid her touch. Staring down I started to question her. I had to avoid looking at her while she was smoking, lest I'd lose all my rage and jump on her. "When did this all start?" I barked at her. "Oh I dunno, the girls at work just talked me into it." She replied, waving the cigarette. "I'm not talking about smoking, bitch, I wanna know when you started cheating on me. Before or after we got married?" She hid her face in palms for a while, sobbing softly. I waited patiently till she regained her composure enough to answer. Finally, with a sight she lifted her head, pulled hard on her cigarette and then talked the smoke right into my face. "It was before last Christmas at that damn Christmas party at work. You were on your fucking business trip and I was lonely. I got a little drunk and then I started to do al sort of stupid things, like smoking a cigarette and drinking more and, well..." "So the cat walks out the door and the mice can't wait to..." `I replied dryly, though inwardly I was boiling. Up to that point I might have accepted a onetime slip, but this was turning into a nightmare. "Oh, I'm so sorry honey, really, I'm so ashamed of myself." Her body convulsed from suppressed sobs. " I didn't mean to hurt you, I love you so much, I really do, but..." "Yeah, a fucking way to show me your love." Suddenly we both exploded into laughs on the pun I hadn't intended to do. We stopped as suddenly as we started. Moira looked up and in a small voice asked: "Is it OK if I light another one?" Well, she caught me off balance, and I just nodded. She couldn't possibly know about my thing with women smoking, but she had chosen the one thing to do which kept me from throwing her out right away. She went upstairs to fetch her cigarettes, which she had kept hidden from me till now. This gave me some time to revise my feelings. "Guess I can't make things much worse with these anyway." She said while tapping the cigarette out of a white soft pack I identified as Kent 100. Not the ugliest brand of all white cigarettes for a woman to smoke. If anything, that gave me the last push. I had to give her a second chance, I wanted and I needed to. But damn, how much better it would have been if she'd just had picked up smoking without screwing around! "All right, let's get some things straight!" I started, trying to sound as somber as I could. "I have to admit that I'm to blame too for the shit we're in now. I loved you dearly from our very first meeting, but I never really been able to satisfy you, not enough anyway." Hearing this, she tried to protest, again spilling smoke from mouth and nose, as I had again caught her in the middle of an inhale. Actually, I couldn't help notice that after only six months of smoking, she did quite well, with short but strong pulls and creamy white tick exhales, not the girly little puffs I had seen many beginners do. I brushed her protest aside. "No, I'm serious. Don't try to be nice to me, its way too late for that. I had my share in this, even though I`d have preferred a less dramatic way to learn it. Now I have to live with it." "So you can forgive me?" she said in a very low voice, a half smile of hope spreading from the corners of her eyes. "Nope, I don't think I can just forget and forgive and start it all over. For one, I couldn't really trust you any more. Just look what became of you! A smoking screw-around slut!" "Oh George, please..." she exclaimed, her face contorted by another fit of crying. "Wait, don't jump to any conclusions. I'm not saying there's no hope at all. I am willing to look for a way out of this other than splitting up. Whether I like it or not, I love you still and I'm not prepared to give up our marriage right now. But I'm not going to make it that easy for you." I said, my voice gaining in strength with every word. Though still foggy, a plan was beginning to form. If I couldn't have a nice cozy housewife, then maybe I could settle for something else. "So what can I do to make it up?" replied eagerly. She pulled hard on her cigarette once more, making my dick twitch. "First about your smoking..." I started, but she quickly jumped in. "I can quit on the spot if you want." "No, that's not what I meant, but tell me, how much do you smoke?" I said, trying not to sound too excited. "Um, well, about half a pack." She said evenly, but I could see from the way she looked away that she wasn't sincere. However, this wasn't the moment to press the issue, though I was sure it was only half the truth, literally. "Well, maybe a little more sometimes..." she admitted, as if she had read my mind. But then, one of the good things about our relationship had always been that we both sensed quite well what the other might be thinking. Well obviously not ALL of it. "That's fine with me, I don't mind that. In fact it makes you look, I dunno, somehow sexier, with all that smoke pouring from your lips. I mean, I know it's not healthy and all that crap, but if it makes you happy, I'll go along. As long as I can trust you on other things from now on, you can smoke as much as you want anytime and anywhere." "Wow!" she exclaimed. "I was almost as afraid of you finding out I'm smoking then about..." that sent her back into the crying mood, as she realized that she had double-crossed me on both issues, even though her smoking turned out to be the least of her problems. "Look, I just said, I'm willing to do aside with your cheating right now and see where it gets us from here. But there are some strings attached. First, tell me how often and with whom." She sighed and stubbed out her cigarette. Her hand moved towards the pack but she thought the better of it. So she needed a little push. I took the pack, turning it around as if to see what the brand was and then I shook out another cigarette. I offered it to her and she took it. Then I snatched the lighter before she could and offered her a light too. The reward was a little smile and long stream of smoke over my head. "I'm waiting" I reminded her, as she took another drag without any signs she was ready to talk. "Oh, all right, if I have to. I told you it all started at the Christmas party. I was a bit frustrated that you had to go on a business trip right over Christmas, staying away for a whole six months and well, I guess I was also a little curious about other men. I mean, let's be honest, sex with you was good, but not as spectacular as I had imagined. So after Ana, my coworker, had filled me up with some strange cocktails with a lot more alc in them than I had realized, I was tipsy enough to try some new things. First she got me to smoke a cigarette. It felt good and somehow made me, I dunno, almost horny. Then this guy came around and asked me if I wanted to dance." She looked up and absentmindedly blow smoke into my face. "I'm so sorry, honey." She said and took my hand. Her touch felt electrifying, though I had to gulp down the blow. I almost wanted to make a comment on her getting laid whenever some guy asked her to dance, as of course we had met quite the same way, but I managed to keep my mouth shut. "Anyway, that's what happened. Do I need to tell you all the details?" "No, at least not right now. And how many more?" "Well, only a few times, when you were away." "Same guy?" "No, of course not, I just wanted to find out how it was and, well... Anyway I didn't want a boyfriend behind your back." "And how was it?" I asked, not sure what I really felt. It was a relief that it wasn't one secret lover, no relationship or even romance behind my back, nothing lasting. On the other hand she had been screwing around that wasn't much better. "Oh, I dunno, not really nice I guess, not worth it." She said, dragging nervously on her almost spent cigarette. She had taken in more smoke than usual and had to exhale three times to clear her lungs. In spite of the horrendous revelations I had just heard, it made me horny to see her not just smoke, but smoke like a pro, like she had done this for years. I could see her body shake, not just from chain-smoking but also with exhaustion. "OK," I said, "Let's leave it at that. Just one more thing. I want to work on our sex life, but some things have to change. I'm not expecting you to do yucky things and I'm not that kinky to ask really strange stuff, but if this is to work out, you'll have to make amends. Whatever position I choose, you'll play along and no more headaches for a while. I promise I won't hurt you and won't force you, but you'll have to play ball." She jumped up and oblivious of the fact that she had just inhaled, she threw her arms around my neck and kissed me, hot and wet. It was the first smoky kiss I had ever received and it all but made me forget about the whole mess. She didn't blow smoke in my mouth, but she exhaled through her nose, bathing my face in smoke. She withdrew almost immediately, leaving me frustrated, but as she started to talk right away, at least I got her smoky breath fully into my face, which turned out to be almost as good as the kiss. "Oh, I'm sorry honey, I just smoked you in. Won't happen again! I'll brush my teeth next time." She exclaimed. "Oh no, silly, I liked it. Do it again, please." I replied, almost strangled by emotion. "What? You mean you like the smell? And the taste? But I always thought you hated smoking and the smoke..." she said, looking a little puzzled, if not annoyed. "Um, well, guess I wasn't always sincere. I do hate the smell of smoke in general, but it does smell and taste differently on you. I kinda like it." I tried to wiggle out of the fix she had put me in. I had been too good at hiding my fetish till now. "OK, if you say so. I guess I can take another drag and kiss you, if you really like it. I mean, exhaling through the nose feels a bit strange and I always thought that it's very gross and a woman shouldn't do that, but..." So she did it, taking an even bigger drag than before. For a moment I was in seventh heaven. But I was getting tired now, as much as I'd wanted to have sex with her, I didn't really feel up to the task. I had never before been able to do it more than once on the same day and as I had already had my share, however strange it had been, I didn't want to embarrass myself or disappoint Moira. "Honey, I think I'd best go to bed now, after all I've travelled half around the globe today." "Yes, of course, I'm sorry, I didn't think of that. Go ahead. I'll watch TV for a while. I won't wake you up, I promise." She replied sweetly and gave me a peck. "You don't have to worry about that, just turn the sound down. I'll take the spare anyway." Well, I did hit the button again, with my announcement I'd sleep in the spare bedroom and her eyes filled with tears again. "Oh, I guess I deserve it. I just hoped..." but she left it unsaid. Actually I hadn't really calculated the effect of this on her, but then I said to myself it was only wise to torment her a little more, a piece of forgiveness, then a soft blow again, not to let her forget she had really hurt me, no matter how big my own fault had been. Maybe she'd also smoke more that way, which wasn't contrary to my wishes. At least I might get something out of it after all. My threat to be more demanding in our sex life was little more than a hollow phrase, as my experience in this field up to now taught me I wouldn't really be up to it. I wasn't by far sure enough of myself and had next to no experience to draw on. These and other gloomy thoughts haunted me and kept me from sleeping. Again and again my thoughts circled around the fact that she had, instead of trying to bring the matter up with me, simply turned to other men to seek whatever she felt she wasn't getting at home. In retrospect I also started to doubt whether she had been entirely sincere with me. What if she actually had had an affair and not just a series of one night stands? I couldn't even decide what I hated more. There were so many "what ifs" that my head was spinning. Time passed and I heard her climb the stairs and enter the bedroom, our "former" bedroom, as I wasn't even sure I would ever be able to spend another night with her next to me. As much as she had enticed me with her smoking, now that I didn't see her, my arousal had vanished, leaving space for doubts and bitterness. How was I ever to believe a word she said? Even if I'd had the means, which I hadn't, I couldn't spy on her or put her to a test. That was beneath me. And yet, I had till this day hidden my fetish well, I had even convinced myself that I could have a girlfriend and even wife and have a reasonably good sex life without the fetish. Obviously I had been kidding myself and Moira had, one way or another sensed that I was all but a fake. So I couldn't really blame her.